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polywog

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watermeloncandy

ok, so last night we agreed that we would 'keep in touch' - play it by ear, once a month-ish or so...

and of course i just want to call you and shoot the sh*t....

i want to see you

i want to do something with you today...

am i going to have to make a list of things to talk to you about in a notebook for when we do talk? is that a healthy thing to do or should i just think 'if i remember when i talk to him, i'll have to tell him that'?

what am i going to do without you in my life??

god, why am i doing this to myself?!!

i need to remember the bad things...this is a good thing..this is a good thing...

 

 

are you going to find someone else?? please dont. please work on you. please get better. please come back to me....

 

god, i'm pathetic....

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I wonder if you know/can tell that I check your lab page and that I saw your LinkedIn profile. At first I was embarrassed at what might look like "stalking" behavior. But you know what? I care about you and want to know whether your big grant came through or not. If it didn't and you are seriously having to consider leaving science, I care. I know that would be a hard thing for you, your entire identity is wrapped up in being a scientist.

 

You treated me badly and threw me away callously. For that reason alone you won't get another chance to be part of my life. But my exercising self-protection doesn't mean that I don't still care about you. I can rise above being so hurt by you to still be able to say that I hope you find happiness, someday. I don't think you will truly find happiness unless your life is brought so low that you are forced to examine yourself and your choices... you will have your own hell to walk through at some point.

 

I don't doubt that you can't understand the depth of feeling I have for you. I'm sorry that you can't feel for someone in this way.

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Y, is this how you acted in the relationship or has this break-up brought it out of you??

 

If you acted this way, I too wouldn't stay with a man who talk to me the way you talk to your ex or about her.

 

Saying you want to strangle her or punch her if you see her, is well, scary, anger or not.

 

This thread here is to vent....



Let's not judge someone who needs to vent~!!

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I am finally getting the hang of this NC thing. I do not feel like contacting you at all. After you sent that text telling me you have had alot on your mind and that you need to talk to me about some stuff and you havent made anyother effort to contact me, I have decided that if you really wanted to talk to me about anything you would have.

 

I am tired of wanting you to make the effort to fix our problems. You shut me out everytime something happens and then get angry with me for putting distance between us when I just give up.

 

I am tired of it, I deserve so much better. Take as long as you want to talk to me about whatever it is but when you get around to it I might not be there to hear or even want to hear.

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I wish you could give me answers to all the questions I have in my head.... How could you go from one week of being in a good, healthy and happy relationship to breaking up with me the next?? is this to do with your career? is it to do with that argument we had?

 

Why do you make empty promises? why do you offer to help me do this and that and never follow through?? why do you say you care and then put me last on your priority list?

 

I wish I could turn the clocks back to a year ago when you meant nothing to me, to when you couldn't have hurt me this much!

 

Sometimes I think back to what I said to you that horrible Friday evening... I wish I had never trusted you, I wouldn't be feeling like this.

I don't know what to think.... yes, I wish I hadn't trusted you as it would have saved me a lot of heart ache and it would have not ruined my mornings (when I wake up and think of you).... But I then think the months we spent together I was happy, you made me feel on top of the worl... is this worth my trust?

 

Unfortunately, I still miss you.

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I'm doing my best to keep you out of my mind - After all, this started with you wanting space and seperation.

 

I wonder if you'll miss the good times we had together, the way I stroked your hair, rubbed your shoulders, kissed you on the forehead, and wrapped my arms around you at night to keep you warm.

 

I miss you very much...I wonder if you miss me at all too?

 

I still very much want to hear your voice - but I know that everytime I hear it, it gives me hope that one day we'll reconcile, and as much as I want to believe that will happen, I don't think it will.

 

I know everything happens for a reason, and what they say about letting someone go if you love them and if they come back they're yours forever.

 

I hope I come back to you, I hope you come back to me...

 

That's all I can think about right now.

 

I went out to the bar this weekend and tried mingling with some other girls, but it's useless, I don't want to find a skank at the bar just to make me feel better.

 

I'm stronger than that. I'm stronger than you think I am.

 

As hard as it is, and this is the hardest thing I've ever had to endure, I will not contact you.

 

Maybe you're ok with me completely disappearing from your life, but it's only been a couple weeks since we broke up, and only 5 days since we last spoke...

 

Maybe you'll miss my sense of humor or maybe you'll miss my comfort.

 

I hope you would, we've known each other for 4 years.

 

God...I miss you.

 

Take care of yourself - I'm working on getting my life back in order - finally looking into something that I have long neglected - teaching.

 

Maybe I'll see you again. I hope so.

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I'm doing my best to keep you out of my mind - After all, this started with you wanting space and seperation.

 

I wonder if you'll miss the good times we had together, the way I stroked your hair, rubbed your shoulders, kissed you on the forehead, and wrapped my arms around you at night to keep you warm.

 

I miss you very much...I wonder if you miss me at all too?

 

I still very much want to hear your voice - but I know that everytime I hear it, it gives me hope that one day we'll reconcile, and as much as I want to believe that will happen, I don't think it will.

 

I know everything happens for a reason, and what they say about letting someone go if you love them and if they come back they're yours forever.

 

I hope I come back to you, I hope you come back to me...

 

That's all I can think about right now.

 

I went out to the bar this weekend and tried mingling with some other girls, but it's useless, I don't want to find a skank at the bar just to make me feel better.

 

I'm stronger than that. I'm stronger than you think I am.

 

As hard as it is, and this is the hardest thing I've ever had to endure, I will not contact you.

 

Maybe you're ok with me completely disappearing from your life, but it's only been a couple weeks since we broke up, and only 5 days since we last spoke...

 

Maybe you'll miss my sense of humor or maybe you'll miss my comfort.

 

I hope you would, we've known each other for 4 years.

 

God...I miss you.

 

Take care of yourself - I'm working on getting my life back in order - finally looking into something that I have long neglected - teaching.

 

Maybe I'll see you again. I hope so.

 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^that about says it all. i miss you and i love you so damn much. i want to tell you i love you.

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I'm kinda sad today, not quite sure why. I think it's because this time last year we went engagement ring shopping.

 

I thought the brunt of my emotional suffering was over, but evidently it appears to be in full force tonight. I hope that maybe on some days you get sad too, not because I wish you ill. Thinking that you're sad somehow feels like a comfort that I wasn't an insignificant part of your life and that you reflect on the memories we had as something worth retaining.

 

As I look around my apartment, I see pieces of you everywhere and while I've put the majority of your items away, there are still things that I have been unable to throw out. Do you open your freezer and still see all the meals I prepared for you? Do you pause sometimes when you put your laptops into the computer bag I bought for you? Do you think of me when you're going to your conferences using the packing organiser I gave you? Think of me when you're chewing your mango gummies or having a bowl of pho?

 

I hope you miss me, not because I want you to regret what you've let go. I accept your decision. I just want you to occasionally reflect on what we had and appreciate it for what it was at that point in our lives. And maybe, after a passage of time, when I'm completely okay, we can be best friends again. Because for some reason, especially tonight, I really miss my best friend.

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U called me today, when I least expected it.

U asked to see our daughter, how could I deny your request, I have no right.

Do you know how afraid I am to see you tomorrow?

How much it will hurt to see you holding her in your arms, while I

remember all the plans we made just yesterday about "our lil family's future".

How could you even think of replacing us over someone you just met at work?

Has she gotten you under some spell that makes u have amnesia and forget all that me and you have ever been through or felt?

All the broken empty promises, it's all surfacing now.

But the one thing, an unexpected gift that you've given me is the ONLY THING keeping me alive.

In some way I wish I could go back to that very moment you decided you wanted it over with me, before actually telling me.

Like in some time machine where I can see and hear you thinking of the REAL reason you wanted us over.

I should hate you for abandoning both of us for your selfish needs.

but I can't, because I still love you.

I can't do this alone...

I need you back, our daughter needs a father...

How can I ever get over you, if I'm required to see you because of our daughter...

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I'm doing my best to keep you out of my mind - After all, this started with you wanting space and seperation.

 

I wonder if you'll miss the good times we had together, the way I stroked your hair, rubbed your shoulders, kissed you on the forehead, and wrapped my arms around you at night to keep you warm.

 

I miss you very much...I wonder if you miss me at all too?

 

I still very much want to hear your voice - but I know that everytime I hear it, it gives me hope that one day we'll reconcile, and as much as I want to believe that will happen, I don't think it will.

 

I know everything happens for a reason, and what they say about letting someone go if you love them and if they come back they're yours forever.

 

I hope I come back to you, I hope you come back to me...

 

That's all I can think about right now.

 

I went out to the bar this weekend and tried mingling with some other girls, but it's useless, I don't want to find a skank at the bar just to make me feel better.

 

I'm stronger than that. I'm stronger than you think I am.

 

As hard as it is, and this is the hardest thing I've ever had to endure, I will not contact you.

 

Maybe you're ok with me completely disappearing from your life, but it's only been a couple weeks since we broke up, and only 5 days since we last spoke...

 

Maybe you'll miss my sense of humor or maybe you'll miss my comfort.

 

I hope you would, we've known each other for 4 years.

 

God...I miss you.

 

Take care of yourself - I'm working on getting my life back in order - finally looking into something that I have long neglected - teaching.

 

Maybe I'll see you again. I hope so.

 

I know this is a personal msg to your ex, but I've been reading all your threads and posts throughout your ordeal, and I just had to let you know, you have a true heart of gold.

YOU are truly an inspiration to me...

I would trade anything in the world to have my ex feel the way you do towards your ex.

This msg you wrote tonight has got to be the most beautiful message I ever heard a man tell a woman. I am crying my head off after I just read your thing. GOD!!!!!

okie sorry, I just had to tell you that you are a very well spoken and kind hearted individual, and I wish you luck.

carry on

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today i got up, took a nice hot shower, took my time getting dressed and walk out of the house feeling great. i stepped into campus and i thought of you. my eyes diverted to the area you might be and i managed to snap myself back in control. I had a good day, i felt great! i went for lunch with friends and we went to the restaurant we used to go to everyday for lunch. i still felt good. you came to my mind only once. i went back to campus and again i looked around, i did not see you. and then the euphoric feeling i had slowly faded away... i realised i was disappointed i had not seen you. In fact, i havent seen you for a very long time now. And my heart sank deeper when i closed my eyes and envisioned you and her, in what used to be our room, on our bed, and her receiving our kiss. i pushed you away from my mind but you kept crawling back. i would have give anything to be in your arms again, just one last time.

i miss your hugs, i miss your smell, i miss your eyes gazing on me while we lay late into the night trying to sleep. I miss how you made love to me and told me you love me. Right now... i miss everything about you.

 

funny thing is... i cant remember how you look like. i cant remember how you look like in the morning, i dont remember how you look like when you are eating, i dont remember how you look like when you were smiling at me. i do remember your ice cold eyes telling me you dont love me anymore. and that was the last memory of you. My last memory of you is you stabbing me in the heart over and over again.

 

yet... it is not enough to bring myself to hate you.

I wish you'd feel this weakness too and give in and contact me.

i dont know how i will react if you do... but i'd really like it if you would.

 

i still love you, and i still miss you very much.

but i dont need you.

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I was having a bad day yesterday. I was depressed and just sort of went with it. I eventually crawled my way out and was feeling pretty good. I left my phone at home and went out. It felt so great not to worry about you and the fact that we hadn’t talked in all those days.

 

You called me while I was out. I didn’t listen to the message until today. I wanted to just delete it but I didn’t have the heart. I listened to it and now I feel like crying. Why do you call me? Why do you care if I am okay? Why do you miss me? You ended it. You are broken. You said you would rather be single and alone than with me. You don’t get to miss me.

 

What do you want from me?

 

I am only so strong.

 

I am trying to let you go but the moment I make progress you say you miss me. It already hurts. You are just making it hurt more.

 

I don’t know yet if I will call you back. I don’t know what to say and I don’t think I can fake it this time. I hope you understand. I don’t know if I can care about you anymore as a person or a friend. It just hurts too much.

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You're an absolute bitch.

 

Yet I still love you.

 

Why do you do this to me? You tell me that you don't want to be in a relationship but you want me, yet you treat me the way you do? You act as if you don't care if I'm there when I am, and you act like you can't live without me when I'm gone. Make up your ****ing mind.

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*sigh* A year ago we were in Cape Town. Do you realize that? Do you think about it at all? That was such a high point. If I had known then that a year later I'd be alone and you'd be with someone else, I wonder if I would've believed it? It would have ruined the vacation, that's for sure.

 

I bet you're climbing at the gym tonight. I'm half-inclined to go just to see, but no good would come of it so I won't. Anyway, I have a date tomorrow night, another date Wednesday night, and possibly two dates over the weekend...so there.

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Did you just say what I think you said?! You want to keep a good memory of the relationship because it meant so much to you? Excuse me while I guffaw so you don't hear my laughter. Excuse me while I don't reply. Or ever talk to you again.

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Im weak i called u today, i messaged u today, i thought maybe your felings changed but nope you siad u still don't love me, or think of anything from the past 3 years, why im i hoping deep down your lying. You told me about this new guy who you have butterflies for, while im here crying myself to sleep every night you already have feelings for another guy, some part of me just wants to curse you, another part wants you to get with this guy and that he treats you bad, but i love you so much i want you to be happy n iknow i can make u happier than everyone else yes im so shelfish.

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YOU ARE A ****ING MORON. seriously. you really are. what the **** is the matter with? Now, i'm not a toal ****ing idiot here. i know that i was doing way too much for you. i was. i was trying to compensate cus your stupid, lazy ass gave up on us. you quite trying. much like u quit everything u start in life. but i guess i didnt see it then bc i always got to wear the pants in the relationship....so i figured, hey, you're letting me do it all now! this is great! im a control freak anyway!

But you're stupid. Cus if i had someone who did the things i did for you- bought u clothing, small gifts when i saw something you liked, paid for things, made you dinner, rubbed your back, worried about you, massaged you, kissed you, was affectionate.

if i had that- would never let that go. EVER. instead you assess the situation (yes, Dane Cook) and you say- no, thanks?!?!?!?! WTF is wrong with you?

You decide you would rather be on your own with your crackhead lazy ass friends. You decided drinking and whatever else is better than me adoring you. You are ****ing nuts. Seriously.

Last time i checked, douche bag- i'm pretty ****ing cute. Some people would even say i'm hot. On top of that i have a job, no no- a career. my own money, no debt. I'm smart, funny, outgoing and strong. I work out, i go on trips, i have the best family and genuine friends. I'd say i'm a great catch.

Yes, sir, you are an idiot. I cannot wait for the day this hits you. i really cant. cus who knows where i'll be. some guy is out there who is going to be hotter than you, and love me more than you ever did. and when you realize im gone for good- he will probably call you and thank you for being such a tool and dumping me.

I wish you nothing. no ill will. no happiness. nothing. You don't even deserve my wishes.

Your mistake. Somehow through those sobs and tears on June 8th- i managed to say it. Its you this time, not me.

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ps- the ex prior to you had a bigger penis. haha. ive been dying to say that to you since the first time we had sex.

JERKOFF.

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Some things I want to say but will not make contact.

 

I loved you with all my heart I never took atvantage of you nor your money. I know you are the kind of man that will be there and help anyone. I knew from the start you had many freinds in your life and the majority were women. I accepted that.

 

But as time went on and I thought we had developed into a relationship (we did live together for a yr and half) you continued to fincially help, talk to and or be there for these other women. Women who in the past had already taken you for money and freindship yet if they called you were right there for them. Knowing that they were taking advantage of you. They never looked at you in the same way I had. Adored you, respected you and most of all loved you with all my heart.

 

I fell in love with your out going personality, your charm and your same love of music, dancing and just being a fun loving do what you wanted at the moment guy.

 

Im going to miss all the things the riding the bike events and all that we did. We did so much, you showed me so much. My heart aches with the thought of never being with you again or going to places without you.

 

But your constant lies to me and everyone around you and the evasiveness and secrets were to much for anyone to handle. I didnt care if you talked to these other women but to take the calls ouside any woman in there right minde would have approached you on this. Anything you had to say you could have said in front of me. No wonder I was jealous or wondering what the hell you were up to.

 

I handled all your buisness affairs and banking because simply my dear you cant understand it. You can build the **** of wood but come to simply understanding computers banking and what the hell ever has to with life you have no clue (or you were acting stupid).

 

You expected me to believe that atm withdrawels in large amounts of money were oh dah the bank made a mistake.(im not that stupid) Yea freakn right you were handing out cash to every bar slut in town. It makes you feel like the big man to help these loser women and it you feel better about you. We came up with a name for you at my job Captain Save a HO. Yea dear they are hoes. When you have no money they wont be there. But I loved you beyond all that.

 

Perhaps because I dont need your money and love you for you is why you no longer love me? It makes me really wonder.

 

Good luck to you and all your loser freinds. I hope you all find happyness in the bottom of that bottle.

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watermeloncandy

i'm really annoyed that you called me yesterday...i thought we weren't going to contact each other for a while?

ok, i understand that you wanted to give me the head's up and let me know what was going on, and i really do appreciate it, but it makes things more difficult for me...you can't keep calling me like that. yes, i do want to keep in touch and want you to update me with your progress, but wait a while...save it up, and then call me in a few weeks. i'm not trying to be mean, but i just want you to understand how hard it is for me to hear your voice and chat like nothing's changed...everything's changed.

and lst night i thought about all the crappy things you did during the relationship - the lies here and there that i called you on that you never admitted to doing...when you lie or are hiding something, your responses to me are ridiculous and make no sense...like your whole 'kissing your hand' thing last night. that was stupid. you started to say something else then changed your mind and tried to think of something funny off the top of your head and it didn't work. i know you are lying.

when you do that, it makes me not care at all about what happens to you.

I KNOW WHEN YOU ARE LYING TO ME!!!! I don't think we have a future together...I don't think I can ever trust you again...even if you do get help for your anger, you've still lied to me and i will never be able to trust you.

that's it. we are done.

good luck to you. i really don't want to hear from you again for a long time.

i hate you today.

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I cant do this anymore. Why did you do this to me? I did not need to you you are thinking about getting back together with the ex before me. You say you and her had trust issues but still you are contemplating it. Good for you, now just leave me alone.

 

I am tired of crying and feeling so sad. Please just let me let go. Go back to her and let me move on.

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ps- the ex prior to you had a bigger penis. haha. ive been dying to say that to you since the first time we had sex.

JERKOFF.

 

omg I am dying over here! ROFL!!!!!!

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