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polywog

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17 days nc, i had a dream about you, i saw you contacted me twice this week and i dindt reply i guess you got the hint. I sitll cant believe you said u can do better than me at first i was like ok now screw that you cant, it leads down to I CAN DO BETTER THAN YOU, your vile cranky, mean callous and yet i treated you like a queen for 3 years, you know u will never find anyone as good as me and i hope it haunts u for the rest of your life

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Issues & tissues

Nine months and 11 days since we last spoke and I love you as much as the day you broke up with me...I hope that in our next life we will put right what we failed to do in this life...

 

Eternally yours,

 

M

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I'm listening to my ipod right now and so many songs remind me of you, songs which i used to like but now they make me angry. Songs which i used to listen to when i made my way to your house, songs i listened to when i wrote you emails, songs which made me feel good because i knew you liked them, songs we both used to like as if we were the only people in the world sad enough to like them, songs where the lyrics could have been about us.

 

I hate that i can't enjoy them as much as i could before. But i'm not switching them off, these are MY songs and i will reclaim them as my own.

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I heard you seeing multiple girls now...

whatever happened to that innocent, caring, devoted, honest guy I fell madly in love with?

I just don't know what to think anymore...

especially knowing you have a baby daughter...

do you ever think that someday, a man like you, could do the same thing to her?

break her heart or play with her emotions like you are with these girls?

do they even know you have a baby?

what happened to you?

and why why why do you torture me?

I've told u so many times to email me to set up visits of the baby,

but you continue to call me at all hours of the night and day.

Do you honestly think that I could just mend my broken heart and wake up the next day

and pretend that you never shattered it into a zillion pieces?

god... wake me up from this horrible dream.

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Hellloooo!

 

I had a good day today! And last night!

Heres something I hate, so I havnt said it, but known it in my heart all since forever.

 

Japan was a nightmare at the end because of you. I trusted you to be there for me when I was on my own in another country. And you feel for another girl, you told me about how much fun you were having with her. You made it obvious you were allowing things to happen with her. While I was in Japan, while I was missing you. Each day I would run over to my computer to check my e-mail and see if you had contacted me. Go figure you ****ing didnt.

 

I should have dumped your lame ass before I ****ing left. I should have just used Japan as a way of not having to deal with your ****, of moving on. What was I thinking, what was I pretending would happen?

 

Oyoyoyooy.

The more I think of how you treated me in the two months before our breakup, the more I realize you disgust me. **** you. I hate how you did what you did. *******!

 

I cant believe when I came back you cried and claimed to love me. Why? What for? To keep up the sharade? To make your actions seem okay to yourself? As if you were a good guy in the end?

 

Update: you wernt and you know it. anyways. sleep time, goodnight! another day without you accomplished - and AMEN

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Not sure what to write. I thought I was over everything. Been a really long time. almost 8 months since the break. U have not reached out to me at all. I was in the cab today with a cab driver. He said you forgot about me a long time ago. U cheated on me and you haven't looked back.

 

Thats cool, I miss you sometimes, I honestly don't remember you anymore. But I know you did love me once upon a time.

 

I got really drunk today at a bar, I started to tear, I had to leave the bar, I went about 3 blocks and hid behind a car to cry for about 10 minutes. First time that has happen to me in months.

 

Not sure what else to say, I am coping, I was told that I won't never forgot about you because you were my first love. I hope that is not the case.

 

Thats about it, time to carry on. should go to sleep. Sad though, everyone seems I to think that I am donig BAD and that I am not OK but I am. I just miss you sometimes, I miss the love u gave me. I hope to get that back someday, sooner or later my time will come.

 

I hope I can find love again, I hope I can meet someone to keep me company. U never contacted me again, u must be happy. Thats good for you. I hope your happy even if its not with me as I am not a selfish person.

 

Thats about it, ps my brain hurts everytime I come on this forum and write about you. I don't think thats good but you were worth it. You were worth everythingn except the pain you caused me.

 

I wish u hadn't made me suffer like this, I wish you would contact me, this constant wondering is not good. Oh well thats life, I can bear through this pain, it will go away one day, not sure when though. I hope it goes away soon but in all honesty I doubt it.

 

I think I can only forget youwhen i find someone else, thats going to take al ong time.

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Ciao,

i've tried to call you but luckily you're not at home.

 

I love you. I desperately love you. I want to make love with you. I want to feel you, to kiss you.

I want to talk, to joke, to just simply feel you near me.

 

Please find the force to say that you don't love me. Or, find the force to say that you love me.

 

I can't stand anymore this.

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Hi, g, again, it's me again. Writing here is just like leaving a message on your answer machine. How is ur weekend?

I miss you so much, have just written something to you 2 days ago, but cannot help missing you and telling you my feelings. It's almost 7 weeks, I pull out my fingers, count everyday we are in no contact, and everyday, I review all the sweet memory we had together. couldnt help feeling strongly depressed and sad.

I am listening to <Convento di Santa'Anna>, I love it, the rhythm of piano is so beautiful and clean that it makes me calm down and only miss you without any crying, you will love the music as well. But you are gone, you wont be able to hear it, I've been asking myself where you are. Yesterday night, I was looking for you the whole night inside my dream, running, back and forth, hoping and disappointed, I couldnt find you anywhere. You just fade out of my life as others have done to me. Maybe I am the one deserved to be alone. I dont have any feeling about the current you or the future you, I could just feel the strong emotion to the past "you". I want to bury our love into a grave and write a epitaph on the gravestone. Then I could have some place to go on holidays.

 

I really miss you.

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3 weeks NC. She called. I didn't answer. They were missed calls. 3 of them. No messages. Afraid to break NC.

I don't want to go back to beign a wreck. I am doing a little better.

would you call your ex back? suggestions?

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Sysyphus28, you have to give yourself some time. Clear your thoughts. Separate the emotional and mental aspect of it. I think the emotional part is still weighing heavily. Plus, if it was that important she would have called you back or will call back until she can get a hold of you. Let her initiate the contact until she finds you. Do not show her that you are at her beck on call, that you will anxiously return her calls at a whim. Meanwhile, you know what the mantra is, NC, continue healing and living your life. I am in a similar situation, sends a gift and makes a concerted effort to let me know it is from her sister. I received three calls with no messages, have not returned the calls and neither do I plan on returning the calls, I will do so when I am good and well ready.

 

Good luck though, hang in there and please keep yourself busy.

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Thank you for your time and guidance. I will not return those calls either. Thos half-ass attempts make me sick, after all the heartache and calling/texting/emailing/ pouring my guts out for this girl. I have gotten the most minimum effort. The most pathetic attempts to call me ever. That is unforgettable.

I am sure she has reservations about the contact, thus the No mesages, but still, I really put it on the line for her. SHe must know that. How could she forget my tears and begging, AND SAD SHOW OF EMOTIONAL STABILITY. It really makes me cringe!. Inregrity flushed down the drain!

Keep up what your doing SRV. Keep it up.

I feel myself becoming more empowered everyday.

Karate starts the 2oth, can't wait.

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I wrote a letter but you dont deserve to see it

 

so here it goes

 

 

I’m just here thinking now of all the stuff you did to me, how I Gave up all my friends who were mostly girls because of your jealous rage, how you were the one so worried and scared every single time I went out like I would talk to girls etc. your pathetic. AND YET YOU’RE THE ONE WHO CHEATED, not me, NOT ONCE DID I TALK TO ANY GIRL,. Funny how u were so upset and crying whenever I would go to a party etc. like I would cheat then a few weeks later you cheat on me like a slut. And you say you can do better than me? PLEASE, I’m FAITHFUL, look at all the things I did for you no one will ever do this. I gave you my pw to everything, I changed my ways, I remember when any girl would talk or msg me you’d get so jealous wanting to msg them etc., your childish and YOU Won’t change and you expect a guy to stay with you? Ha.

 

How about that new guy your talking to HA, perfect rebound like always, your pathetic the first guy after we break up literally the first guy you talk to, we break up the Friday, the Monday first day of school the first guy you talk to you feel butterflies, bahaha, you just hate being alone don’t you, sad all he see’s is happy you, not the cranky sensitive person , me first attitude only care about myself person I knew for the majority of our relationship. You’re a great actress and deserve a Oscar for your performance.

 

You actually think you can find another guy who will give up talking to his gfs? Stop going to parties clubs etc? family vacations? I Should be on a cruise right now but because of your jealous self I told my parents no I won’t go. NEVER AGAIN, will I let anyone control me like that NEVER. Never again will I be in a relationship where I have to sneak around, where parents will hate me and say hurtful things and you not even stand up for me. Never again will I be used like a doormat. Your nothing but a pretty face but cold as hell inside, your fake, and you toss people to the side and have no respect for nothing. Right now you may be living the good high life, but nothing last for ever, you can laugh and point down at me and treat me like crap, but im not that type of person I don’t get revenge I don’t get even, I know God has something better in store for me. I treat people with respect, I’m faithful unlike you.

 

Im just here thinking of all the things you did, always cranky, always telling me what to do, getting upset when I wore track pants, yet you always dressed trashy, ugly green pants hair unkempt, never wore makeup earrings nothing yet I never said anything. I just think of the times you b*tched on me when I didn’t text you in the morning or left a voice mail PATHETIC. I texted you when I was available, I gave you more attention than anything.

 

HELL I WENT TO THE STATES on vacation and racked up 300 dollars in phone bill texting and calling you and it was only 3 days. I have to stop thinking of you as the greatest thing ever when you weren’t your faults outweighed anything else. Your cold, callous, mean, I think of all the time I wasted travelling 2 hours there and 2 hours back 3 times a week just to see you and you would be cranky the whole time. How do you think I felt getting off work at 5 travelling 2 hours to go see you and you were so cranky after 15 minutes I want to go home now, and I said nothing. DO YOU KNOW how hard it is to wake up at 6am every morning get off work at 5pm travel two hours to go see someone you love and after 15 minutes they want to go home then you have to travel 2 hours back home reach home like 10pm and go to work the next morning no you don’t.

 

I was conned plain and simple I should have dumped you years ago, I guess I don’t know what I was thinking, I guess I loved you and thought you were the one but I got played like a violin. I hope one day you do call me, and by then I will have a gf or a wife whose hotter than you inside and out, and I have the upper hand and tell you no. People like you are deceitful, and yes you said we have nothing in common, we don’t I’m faithful you’re not, I’m kind and sweet you’re not, I don’t lie to you, you did to me. I sacrificed for 3 years, you didn’t sacrifice anything.

 

Even after you dumped me and I was pathetic begging you to come back and we can go to counseling and work on it, and you kept saying hurtful things to me not once did I say anything hurtful to you. I could easily demand everything I ever gave to you back, your 400 dollar cell phone, your cat who would have been dead if I never paid the vet bill, half of your closet full of clothes, your scholarship yes if It wasn’t for me you wouldn’t even get it and you know it, but nope I don’t think that low, God sees everything.

 

I know one day soon I’ll contact you just to say thanks for breaking up with me as I found the perfect person for me who loves me and is faithful and doesn’t cheat, and is appreciative of all the time and effort I put into our relationship, and I know it will sting you like a bee. You can keep yourself busy now with school and talking to your rebound guy, but one day it will hit you like a ton of bricks, how every relationship in the past you used for sex and money, but you found someone who actually loved you for you and you screwed it up. Someone in my shoe I could easily be praying on your downfall it would be easy, but I don’t care, I’ll never lower myself to your level.

 

What’s worse I started NC and you had the nerve to msg me hey you how are you doing, WTF? You broke my trust with any girl I will ever encounter at the moment, but I know I will overcome that, because of YOU I was stupid and gave up all my friends, and now I’m all alone and I hate it, because of you I invested a whole heap of money in stocks, investments to take out in two years to buy a condo and now with the economy crisis it’s probably worthless, because of you I should be on a cruise now but I decided not to go to spend more time without this week and now look.

you broke my heart, you made me lose my appetite shed tears, and you have the nerve to ask hey you how are you? I signed out not because I was mean but because you don’t deserve to know how I am doing, I don’t talk to strangers.

 

21 days NC, and no turning back to you

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I wrote a letter but you dont deserve to see it

 

so here it goes

 

 

I’m just here thinking now of all the stuff you did to me, how I Gave up all my friends who were mostly girls because of your jealous rage, how you were the one so worried and scared every single time I went out like I would talk to girls etc. your pathetic. AND YET YOU’RE THE ONE WHO CHEATED, not me, NOT ONCE DID I TALK TO ANY GIRL,. Funny how u were so upset and crying whenever I would go to a party etc. like I would cheat then a few weeks later you cheat on me like a slut. And you say you can do better than me? PLEASE, I’m FAITHFUL, look at all the things I did for you no one will ever do this. I gave you my pw to everything, I changed my ways, I remember when any girl would talk or msg me you’d get so jealous wanting to msg them etc., your childish and YOU Won’t change and you expect a guy to stay with you? Ha.

 

How about that new guy your talking to HA, perfect rebound like always, your pathetic the first guy after we break up literally the first guy you talk to, we break up the Friday, the Monday first day of school the first guy you talk to you feel butterflies, bahaha, you just hate being alone don’t you, sad all he see’s is happy you, not the cranky sensitive person , me first attitude only care about myself person I knew for the majority of our relationship. You’re a great actress and deserve a Oscar for your performance.

 

You actually think you can find another guy who will give up talking to his gfs? Stop going to parties clubs etc? family vacations? I Should be on a cruise right now but because of your jealous self I told my parents no I won’t go. NEVER AGAIN, will I let anyone control me like that NEVER. Never again will I be in a relationship where I have to sneak around, where parents will hate me and say hurtful things and you not even stand up for me. Never again will I be used like a doormat. Your nothing but a pretty face but cold as hell inside, your fake, and you toss people to the side and have no respect for nothing. Right now you may be living the good high life, but nothing last for ever, you can laugh and point down at me and treat me like crap, but im not that type of person I don’t get revenge I don’t get even, I know God has something better in store for me. I treat people with respect, I’m faithful unlike you.

 

Im just here thinking of all the things you did, always cranky, always telling me what to do, getting upset when I wore track pants, yet you always dressed trashy, ugly green pants hair unkempt, never wore makeup earrings nothing yet I never said anything. I just think of the times you b*tched on me when I didn’t text you in the morning or left a voice mail PATHETIC. I texted you when I was available, I gave you more attention than anything.

 

HELL I WENT TO THE STATES on vacation and racked up 300 dollars in phone bill texting and calling you and it was only 3 days. I have to stop thinking of you as the greatest thing ever when you weren’t your faults outweighed anything else. Your cold, callous, mean, I think of all the time I wasted travelling 2 hours there and 2 hours back 3 times a week just to see you and you would be cranky the whole time. How do you think I felt getting off work at 5 travelling 2 hours to go see you and you were so cranky after 15 minutes I want to go home now, and I said nothing. DO YOU KNOW how hard it is to wake up at 6am every morning get off work at 5pm travel two hours to go see someone you love and after 15 minutes they want to go home then you have to travel 2 hours back home reach home like 10pm and go to work the next morning no you don’t.

 

I was conned plain and simple I should have dumped you years ago, I guess I don’t know what I was thinking, I guess I loved you and thought you were the one but I got played like a violin. I hope one day you do call me, and by then I will have a gf or a wife whose hotter than you inside and out, and I have the upper hand and tell you no. People like you are deceitful, and yes you said we have nothing in common, we don’t I’m faithful you’re not, I’m kind and sweet you’re not, I don’t lie to you, you did to me. I sacrificed for 3 years, you didn’t sacrifice anything.

 

Even after you dumped me and I was pathetic begging you to come back and we can go to counseling and work on it, and you kept saying hurtful things to me not once did I say anything hurtful to you. I could easily demand everything I ever gave to you back, your 400 dollar cell phone, your cat who would have been dead if I never paid the vet bill, half of your closet full of clothes, your scholarship yes if It wasn’t for me you wouldn’t even get it and you know it, but nope I don’t think that low, God sees everything.

 

I know one day soon I’ll contact you just to say thanks for breaking up with me as I found the perfect person for me who loves me and is faithful and doesn’t cheat, and is appreciative of all the time and effort I put into our relationship, and I know it will sting you like a bee. You can keep yourself busy now with school and talking to your rebound guy, but one day it will hit you like a ton of bricks, how every relationship in the past you used for sex and money, but you found someone who actually loved you for you and you screwed it up. Someone in my shoe I could easily be praying on your downfall it would be easy, but I don’t care, I’ll never lower myself to your level.

 

What’s worse I started NC and you had the nerve to msg me hey you how are you doing, WTF? You broke my trust with any girl I will ever encounter at the moment, but I know I will overcome that, because of YOU I was stupid and gave up all my friends, and now I’m all alone and I hate it, because of you I invested a whole heap of money in stocks, investments to take out in two years to buy a condo and now with the economy crisis it’s probably worthless, because of you I should be on a cruise now but I decided not to go to spend more time without this week and now look.

you broke my heart, you made me lose my appetite shed tears, and you have the nerve to ask hey you how are you? I signed out not because I was mean but because you don’t deserve to know how I am doing, I don’t talk to strangers.

 

21 days NC, and no turning back to you

 

Are you Canadian! Me too! Yeahyeahyeah!

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LikeCharlotte

O-

Thought of you yesterday and realized that I am an idiot. Why was I upset? You are a jealous controlling person that met someone who was compassionate enough to understand but strong enough to hold you to a higher standard and you ran away all the while blaming me. Thanks for going away. That was a bunch of **** I didn't need! Yeah, uh, good luck with all that. May I suggest therapy again?

-Charlotte

ps. I have had sex with other men before and after you. I can say, imply or infer that all day, every day in a million ways now if I choose and I will never again be afraid that I will be ignored or hurt because of it.

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I don't really have a reason to post here but decided, why not?

 

Well, I have to tell you, I think I'm over you.:D

 

When I saw you the other day, boy did you look like a totally different person. Where was the guy I was head over heals for??? Don't know.

 

You looked worn out, washed up, tired, and just blah. You did absolutely nothing for me. I am sooo glad we cleared the air and I told you exactly where we stand. I know it was not what you wanted to hear but you needed to hear it.

 

I'm so much stronger now. Thank goodness!

 

Okay, so now I gotta work on this friendship thing we got going on. I'm fine with being friends but I don't need or want to talk to you everyday.

 

So, you'll be feeling that soon too.

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hurting_in_MA

This is just crazy. I cannot seem to break myself of you. I have not seen your face in over six months, but still you occupy lots of time in my head. Ugh. Enough.

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Damaged

that's how I feel...

Confused

coz that's what ur doing to me...

Why do you say and do the things you do?

after everything's been said and done?

Why can't you just give me closure?

I've begged you to give me closure...

to release me from this pain, but you won't. You flat refused...

But why?

why won't you let me go?

Why do you torture me and put up this front that you still love me?

that you still yearn to be with me?

but you continue to do the opposite.

actions speak louder than words... when will those words turn into reality?

I just don't get you.

You will never grow up

Sometimes I wish YOU were the one who had our baby...

having a baby matures you, it changes one's mindset...

but since it made you turn into this person I don't even know,

then what more can I do then to live in this dark misery.

Clouds you surround me with...

have pity on me, have pity on my soul..

you've already stolen my heart,

what more do you want?

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Hey babe, nothing much to say

I miss you. I wonder what your up too.

Must be happy, haven't contacted me in 7 months.

 

I wanna text u and say "Hey whats UP"

 

but I don't think your going to answer.

 

I miss you though, I am not gonna lie, its been a while but I still think about you.

 

How are you? Wow I sound like a dude who wants to be in the life of someone who doesn't want them in their life.

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I texted you and you didn't respond. So angry with myself, i try to pull you back but i just push you away.

 

The nights are getting darker and i want you here to snuggle up with when it's cold. But you don't want me, how i wish you'd come back.

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I texted you and you didn't respond. So angry with myself, i try to pull you back but i just push you away.

 

The nights are getting darker and i want you here to snuggle up with when it's cold. But you don't want me, how i wish you'd come back.

 

You are much much stronger than you even realize. WISHING THAT A PERSON WILL COME BACK IS A WASTED WISH. WISH for world peace, or better health, or to win the lottery.

Who is this person think they are.

Get it together. Don't call or text or email.

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Hey I've been listening to this song called heartless by kanye west all day and it descris you.

 

How are you and your so called friend doing ha

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i am going nuts...

i wish i could hate your gutts so I don't have 2 feel this way...

i wish our daughter didn't look so much like you,

or how much she keeps saying "daddy, dadda" over and over...

this is killing me

u just have no idea how much this hurts... i miss u, i miss us

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Elise, there hasn't been a day that I have not thought of you. I don't know when it will dissipate or how. I just can't stop thinking about you. I don't even love you anymore, because you are not the same person I knew. Yet I still think about you. What am I doing wrong? Do I need to find a replacement for you? It's not like I am going to find someone intentionally. You were that special someone who changed my world. I can't stand being alone, I don't think I can get used to be single again. I miss having someone to hug when I am having a bad day. I miss having someone to look forward to seeing. I miss your company. I am just really sad that things had to be this way. I acknowledge that I wasnt able to make you happy. I am sorry for that. I got caught up with things and did not make our situation any better. There are too many "if's" so I am not going to bother with them. I just wanted to say that you are always on my mind. Regardless of how I feel.

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