bluesky123 Posted June 8, 2009 Share Posted June 8, 2009 I would love to hear your voice tonight, I miss you alot. Link to post Share on other sites
SweetyBear Posted June 8, 2009 Share Posted June 8, 2009 I love you with all my heart. Maybe that's wrong. Maybe I should just let go for real. I say to myself I've finally accepted that you don't want to be with me, but I have no real closure. I feel like if we could just talk it would all be better. Thing is, I've poured out my heart to you. I've let go of my self-pride and even my dignity trying to prove to you that I love you and won't hurt you again and no response at all from you. Not even a little glimmer that you feel any way about this situation except maybe that your life is easier without me. Am I really out of your heart and mind and thoughts? I am on day 6 of my second try at NC and while it's a little easier with each passing day, sometimes I still cry bitterly thinking of it all. It's the end of your weekend off now and you didn't even call at all. Do you really never think of me? Is it all so easy for you to put out of your mind and just not care? I wish I knew what you are thinking about all of this. Link to post Share on other sites
fabulous_chk Posted June 8, 2009 Share Posted June 8, 2009 today i spoke to you because i couldn't help myself. called you three times. aaagh! this is my song for you: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JTgrce-XBFo Link to post Share on other sites
SweetyBear Posted June 8, 2009 Share Posted June 8, 2009 This morning, I am okay. I know I will be okay from now on, but it still hurts. The thing is, I'm ready to move on with the things that make me feel good about myself and that's what lets me know I'll be okay. I hate being without you, and if you called me right now wanting to work it all out, I would meet you with a hundred percent of my effort. It's knowing that you won't call that hurts. I don't understand how you thought you wanted to spend the rest of your life to me and you can't forgive me now. I have people in my life who love me unconditionally. If I mess up, they are still there. They may have words with me. They may point out improvements I need to make, but they are still there. Where are you? Do you really not love me at all? Did you ever? Link to post Share on other sites
fabulous_chk Posted June 9, 2009 Share Posted June 9, 2009 Enough! I give too much, you give so little! So I ripped all the numbers you gave me, threw them away! Deleted my Yahoo Messenger account on my phone. I have a new boyfriend, you can go back to your slut for comfort. Goodbye! Link to post Share on other sites
APbabyy Posted June 9, 2009 Share Posted June 9, 2009 Dear C, I know you still love me, and I know I had to leave you but you need to get it through to your head how you treated me. I'm not a doormat, you cant walk all over my and rub your dirt into me. You treated me worse than the soil you used to grow your stupid weed plants with. You ****ed with my head and only told me you loved me when I broke up with your sorry ass. Do you know how difficult it is to deal with you? your bitching, constant need for perfection, and how I was always the wrong one. Well, I am free now. Free from tears, free from your cheating ass, free from your harm that you brought my way. Damn, I love you, but you are way too much to handle for me. ..ap. Link to post Share on other sites
APbabyy Posted June 9, 2009 Share Posted June 9, 2009 c, this thread made me really think of you. of you and her, i cant get over her. She may be your friend but for the 3 months we werent together you were with her, and you expect me to be okay with her still being in your life when you and i are back together? well i'm not, ill never be okay with it. i want to check her myspace, it helps me figure out what you two are doing. i shouldnt want to know what you both are doing. You and her make me sick. I want to punch you both in the face, I want to key your cars, slash your tires, and carve out insane terms in your seats. I want to honestly throw up on your faces, but that is immature and too extreame. I miss you. I miss your touch, your smell, your eyes and hair. I miss your quirky teeth and the way you knew how to kiss me so perfectly. I find myself pondering why I broke up with you, and everything tells me I was stupid except for your anger. My jealousy ruined this relationship as well, and me having a hard time trying to trust you again, you really didnt help me cope when you old me you would. I feel like no one will make love to me the way you did, I feel like I lost my world, my best friend. You were my everything, I cry everyday trying to force myself not to contact you, not to run back into your arms only to get let down for the millionth time. I want your love, not your attitude, and not you uncaring mind. I would give anything to lay with you again, to fall asleep on you. but it wouldnt be the right thing for me and it took everyone around me to intervene and try to open my eyes about our relationship...but now that they are open and I broke your heart by leaving you, I fear I am trully alone. I am alone actually. Very alone. You have someone to constantly talk to. You just replaced me with her. It's such a slap in the face, and I cant even slap you back. Link to post Share on other sites
hokusai86 Posted June 9, 2009 Share Posted June 9, 2009 dear xx, you probably assumed that your actions wouldn't hurt me, but they did; they still do. this decision makes you seem desperate for someone's attention, not the person that you know has a better compatibility with you. jeezus! you're just like one of those girls who simply seeks the attention of men, not true love. and you will convince yourself you are in love with him! and your friends will tell you how great he is. within 6 months you will probably doubt this decision, but you won't address it. you will wait until there are some noticeable flaws in the relationship before you make a move. i hope by then i have found someone 10 times cooler than you. i want you to realise that decisions have consequences. you can't make relationship decisions as easily as the other decisions you have made in your life. AND WHY DO I CARE SO MUCH?! If i compare your achievements in the past 6 months to mine, i clearly look like the 'better' person. i live a more proactive life that doesn't revolve around parties and a job that purely finances these parties. you have passions, a career you would like to embark upon, and yet you make silly decisions that push you down a path that you probably wouldn't want to journey down. if someone were to approach you last year and told you how your life would pan out, you would probably doubt them! it seems you have an idea for a future, but then you make choices that alter the future so dramatically that you then rely upon other of-the-moment decisions to create some stability in your life, but what you don't realise is that is pushes you further down this path. ARGH! WHY DO I CARE?! why do i feel so sad, when i know i can do better. rest assured this fling will end. just because he made you laugh at a party, doesn't mean he is the one for you. oh and i know i am cooler than him. if he was a girl, he wouldn't be my type. which is so weird because you and i are so alike. but no, he showed some interest and therefore you two would be good together, as you probably assume. So i'm going to stop stressing now. Because if you stay with him then we weren't meant to be together. but then again, the next person to have their heart broken is you. it might not be tomorrow, but it will come. Link to post Share on other sites
someg Posted June 9, 2009 Share Posted June 9, 2009 When we broke up, it was hard but I moved on. I've changed so much since then, not for you but for myself. I ran into you and we started txting and it turned into a train wreck. We started to insult each other and this was not what I planned. I guess I came on too strong and you took it the wrong way. I also misread you so my fault on that. I wanted to meet up and catch up. Maybe we could have been friends or maybe more. That was my intentions. I also would have been happy to just catch up even if nothing came of it. I totally came about this the wrong way. One thing that changed about me is that I am very social and I talk to random people quite often. That is one of the many things that has changed about me. I do this because I find other people interesting. I would have been very interested in what you have been up to even if nothing became of it. I also talk to random people because if I can put a smile on their face or lighten up their day, it makes my day. I want to spread joy not sadness. After we attacked each other, I didn't realize that I could have made you so sad. I honestly didn't think you'd care when I said those things. You really got me personally because you were extremely defensive from the start. I was trying to get you to open up and that just made things worse. I felt like you were judging me which you were. You felt like I haven't changed when I worked so hard to change myself. This is why I was I was upset. I feel really bad because I hurt you. If I didn't hurt you, you wouldn't have insulted me like that. Yes I do still want to meet you and see how you have been. I think I just realized one reason why I am a bit offended that you won't meet me and I am so adamant on meeting. It is because I want you to make me feel validated or recognize that I have changed even though nothing will come of it. I want you to be proud of me. It hurts because you are rejecting me. I have been changing not to not live off of external validation but internal progress. I also have been changing and you won't recognize it or give me a chance to show it. That also really got to me. That is why I want to meet with you so bad. Now I ****ed it all up and you think I'm a total loser. Link to post Share on other sites
SweetyBear Posted June 9, 2009 Share Posted June 9, 2009 Today is my freedom day. Not freedom from you, which you so willingly gave me two months ago, but freedom from thoughts of us getting back together. I surprised myself by how strong my feelings for you were even though I tried to be cautious. You used my sweet nature to make me think I was wrong to expect time and courtesy from you. Today, I am moving on. Today, I am moving past the hurt of not hearing from you. You said this is my choice, but it's not. You made this choice every time you didn't put me first and every time you didn't even apologize for it. You made this choice by tyring to make me feel responsible for the whole relationship. It takes two. I know that now. Just because you were busy, didn't mean you had to be discourteous. You say I flipped out about it when you were just trying to take care of your business. Nope, not true. I flipped out because you didn't have the manners to let me know that your business was taking longer than anticipated. It's not like I got upset the first time it happened. I calmly told you that it made me feel like you had little regard for me, that I would expect anyone with whom I had plans to let me know if they weren't going to make it or would be hours late. I am worth way more than what you were giving. I kept tyring and trying to figure out if it was out of lack of desire or lack of ability, but it doesn't really matter, does it? The end result was the same. So, I'm sorry for how things went with us. I hope you find someone you really love who is willing to put up with anything in the name of love for you. I'm apparently not the one for you and you are not the one for me. It's a shame because I still miss you and love you, but you are not willing even now to give me a shred of something to hold onto. You talk about me being self-centered and how it's all about me. I guess it is now. I guess in the end, I'm the only one I've got, so I'd do better to nurture myself and be the best I can be. I believe that only then will I find someone who wants to be with me and will make me a priority. Link to post Share on other sites
bluewolf17 Posted June 9, 2009 Share Posted June 9, 2009 What what what do you want. Why have you been reaching out to me. You just want to chat? See if I am seeing someone? Want to keep a firm grip on my heart? Miss me? I wish I could just know. What if I go and meet you like you want. It's been 3 weeks...what if you just want to say hi and suck me back in. Why are you contacting me anways? We were doing so good. Not contacting eachother, moving on. Them you start with the text's. Then you want to be my Facebook friend? Now you want to get together? Want to talk about the fact that we aren't together? Fudge, I am going crazy trying to decide if I should even see you or not. Curiosity will probably get the best of me. Why don't you just drop kick my heart? Link to post Share on other sites
LadyV Posted June 9, 2009 Share Posted June 9, 2009 enough! I give too much, you give so little! So i ripped all the numbers you gave me, threw them away! Deleted my yahoo messenger account on my phone. I have a new boyfriend, you can go back to your slut for comfort. Goodbye! good job fab! Link to post Share on other sites
SweetyBear Posted June 9, 2009 Share Posted June 9, 2009 I went out to lunch with an old male friend today. He was sweet and funny and friendly. He did nothing more than make me feel like he enjoyed my company. If I was still with you, I wouldn't have been able to go without feeling guilty because you have that thing about male/female relationships. I'm glad I went because I was able to offer him some support in a difficult situation. It made me feel really good. To be confided in and brought close and then to give him my comfort. I've missed that. You never let me comfort you. You never shared with me the things weighing on you. I tried to get you to, but you said it wasn't your way. No wonder things didn't work between us, one of the really good things about me, you didn't even let me offer you. How well did we really know each other? Link to post Share on other sites
Nedved Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 I was so happy that i heard your not doing so well without me worrying about work and have nobody to tell your problems to. Your friend emailed me earlier and i could'nt stop laughing when i read it!! I'm delighted your hurt. you deserve everything you have coming to you. You did'nt want me remember? I was'nt good enough for you anymore? Pay back time my dear. You took me for granted and i should of dumped you years ago. p.s i hope your sitting by your phone waiting for me to call after the email(which i know u put your friend up to)and help you give your ego a boost. your prob so happy that i told your friend i'd call tonight but i ain't calling!!! enjoy waiting!!! i'm going out with my friends!! Link to post Share on other sites
lonelypiscesguy Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 It has been three weeks since I said those vile things to you, E. Horrible words I'll never be able to take back, words that I hope didn't hurt you too bad. You were plenty pissed the last time you spoke to me, so I'm sure your pain, if there was any to begin with, is long gone. I saw your profile pic on Facebook (yes, I can't stop looking at your profile) and it was like you chose that just to put it in my face, just to say "Satisfied, bastard! Is this what you wanted to see?!" I swear I didn't mean a word I said, E. Even if we weren't good for each other, I did fall in love with you, I guess I still do, and will for a while. We never should have tried to force my square peg into your round hole (ahem). You are ballerina girl and I am skater boy. That doesn't make either of us bad people, just different. I have learned that you are no more troubled than I am, thanks, R! I have learned so much from you, indirectly. I have learned about my frailities and flaws and insecurities. I have room for improvement and have narrowed down what I need work on. When we were talking after my outburst, you said "I have a soft spot in my heart for you, I always will, I guess." Did you mean that, E, or was that BS as well? i still scratch my head over some of the things you said and did, I still wonder what was game, what was your 'condition', what was real. Link to post Share on other sites
bluewolf17 Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 Tb, What am I to do know? So so confused. Am I trying to win you back, or am I going NC because you don't want me, and it hurts? Do you even know what you want? I thought I would ignore your text about meeting up. The more I thought about it, the more I want to know what you have to say. It's been 3 weeks! Then when I suggested coffee, you said okay, and nothing after that. I am so irritated? Was I just susposed to wait and see if you would ever actually set up a time and date? You know me! I waited three days. Yes, I broke my NC. I did. I thought I could do LC, and only respond to your messages. But today I emailed you and asked what day you were thinking to meet up. It's been an hour and I haven't gotten a reply. Your are probably in your finals, or ignoring me. Either way, I am mad. 3 weeks. 3 weeks of me being sad, but accepting that you don't want me. Then you go and send messages, then another, then a "lets me up". Like I was seeing through texts, your slow progress into really missing me. Was it just a weak moment? Because you haven't followed up on your request to see eachother. I guess back to NC. Except now I accepted your stupid friend request, and I would look totally sad if I deleted you now. I don't know what to do. I guess I worked myself up. I imagined that your are this super great guy that wouldn't intend to hurt me. I imagined that your were smart enough to figure out that when I said "You made things crystel clear. You said you don't want me. I have to accept that. What else can I do" (our last text 3 weeks ago) that I meant we are done, I can't see you, I am moving on. Then I went NC for three weeks. Three whole weeks. I deleted you from Facebook, deleted your name and number. Everything. I expected you knew me well enough, and cared enough to LET ME MOVE ON. So you can imagine what went through my head when the text messages started rolling in. Then when you said you wanted to see me? Then when you friend requested me? I was like, "wow!" He obviously isn't dating anyone, and maybe he has changed his mind!. Can you blame me for assuming that? So what, you didn't like that I wasn't talking to you? Is that all it is? But when I suggest meeting for coffee, you just say "ok" and leave me on the wire, once again. And now your are ingnoring me? I spent 3 weeks ingnoring you! Seriously! What is wrong with you! Link to post Share on other sites
MissingPiece Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 To all the men I've love before. I am glad that I walked out that door. Without a second glance. Not even another chance. da, da, da, da, da da. Really, prob best not to get me started. All I can say.....do you know what you're missing! Not my loss anyway. If I was feeling as down as I have been until now, I would be more expressive. But Hurray for moving on, and realising when the feeling is gone. As for my Mojo......Yipee I think it is finally back. I think I might be on the right track. My back just needs a good crack..... But hopefully it will be along time before I am producing any Dainty Davie's John Anderson. My jo. Oh did you know 'jo' means darling. So there you go. Rhyming heaven once again... I think this is in need of deletion....I won't be offended. But now it must be ended. da da. Link to post Share on other sites
MissingPiece Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 Ok, it's just nice to be in a good mood for a change. Reading over this thread I now see its not for my last type of message, so Sincere Apologies if I offended anyone. Link to post Share on other sites
tech126 Posted June 11, 2009 Share Posted June 11, 2009 My ex called Monday night wanting to come over and he was drinking so I would not agree to it. I told him to come over the next night instead. The next night he called within 15 min of getting off work and said we would have to reschedule, possibly for Thursday. I am not going to call him! Every time I say I won't answer the phone the next time he calls I end up answering it anyway. What is with this, am I sick. It won't work again and for the same reasons that it didn't work in the first place. I was journaling but I think this is better. Link to post Share on other sites
iBelieve In Symmetry Posted June 11, 2009 Share Posted June 11, 2009 I am nowhere near religious. But the last two nights I've been praying to God to help me get through this as smoothly as possible. And he gives me a dream about you each night. A good dream, both nights. Or bad dream since it's f*cking with my head... These made me miss you, so much. Gosh, you were such a horrible girlfriend. How can I love you so much? You're nowhere near what I want for the rest of my life. So why do I love you so much? Why do I have to go through this? All I had was good intentions. I'm not perfect, but I never meant to hurt you. And all I hurt you with were silly things, like saying celebraties were attractive. You CHEATED on me. For six months! You were in a relationship with another guy for half a year. While still being with me and I had no idea. You've lied about so many things I don't even want the truth anymore because all the truth is going to turn you into a completely different person. I hate you so much for everything you did and everything you made me go through. I hate loving you. Being in love with you is the worst thing that ever happened to me. If I could completely forget you, I would. You've hurt me more than anyone. I hate you I hate you I hate you. You're such a horrible person. I ask God for help for the first time since who knows when, and he gives me this? Is this supposed to help? All it did was made me weak and break NC. Ugh. I hate you. But I want you to lay here with me. I miss you. I love you. Ahhh Link to post Share on other sites
buu Posted June 11, 2009 Share Posted June 11, 2009 I got your email and I think you are full of crap. Do you think I’m going to fall for that? I know what you are trying to do and it’s not going to work. You are the one who took off with him and you are the one who want me to see him only 1 hour a week. (That is soooooo full of chit!) Now all of a sudden you are saying that I can come by your moms place anytime I want to see him? I smell a trap! You know if I come over there unannounced or alone chit will hit the fan. I don’t trust you or your family. You have proven that to me time and time again. You are controlling and manipulative and all you want to do is keep the baby to yourself. Its been that way ever since he was born. It was never about a family with you. It was all about using some sucker to give you a baby and then making him pay child support and go away! AHHHHHHHHH!!!! Thanks LS I feel much better Link to post Share on other sites
RosyDay Posted June 11, 2009 Share Posted June 11, 2009 Dear L., I gave you everything I had to offer and you left me feeling alone, upset and confused. I loved you so much. I gave so much to you and asked for so little in return, because you said you couldn't give to me due to your chaotic life. I stood by your side and waited for you to get your life together. I had one really bad day when I was really upset of the way you had treated me, and you simply left. You said you thought I broke up with you. I never said that. You didn't know. You didn't want to know. You just replaced me. You just went to someone else. Seven days we were apart and you had already been dating and told me that you did not love me any more. How could you do that to me? You cut me off, threw me away like trash and treated me like a stranger. I didn't deserve that. I hate you for what you did to me. I am sick now. I am suffering physical illlness and heartache and you go on your merry way with another woman as if I didn't even exist. How could you do that to me? Link to post Share on other sites
RosyDay Posted June 11, 2009 Share Posted June 11, 2009 How could you do this to me? I loved you. I gave you emotional support. I waited for you. I got tired of you standing me up when you had a "bad day" or not contacting me when you told me you were thinking of coming to see me. How could you ignore my phone calls when I called to find out why you didn't come, when I called to end my confusion. On that day that I was so upset, I just kept calling and leaving mean messages....I did that because I was so upset...but to just leave me? After a year? After I carried this relationship for a year while I waitied for you to get your life together? How could you do that to me? Am I not allowed to have a bad day? You are fine now. Your life is not chaotic for the moment and where do you choose to be...with her! I was the one who waited for you. I was the one who stayed when all others gave up on you because you had such a chaotic life and you are with another woman now. How could you treat me so badly? How could you treat me with such disregard? How could you tear my heart to shreds and act like things are fine? How could you rip my heart out so quickly and walk away leaving it on the sidewalk? I gave you everything I had of myself. How could you take it all and just walk away? Don't you understand, I have a tender heart. How could you just break it like that and move on so quickly...7 days...within 7 days you were dating someone else...you just left me, shocked, dazed, confused and went on your merry way to enjoy your life with someone else. Now, I'm broken and you don't care. I'm heartbroken and you are laughing and whooping it up. How could you do this to me? Link to post Share on other sites
SweetyBear Posted June 12, 2009 Share Posted June 12, 2009 Here I am back again. Last night was so hard. I wanted to call so bad, but I know I have to respect that you just don't have the time right now. If I don't respect that then I am basically calling you a liar since that is the reason you gave me as to why you can't sit down and talk to me. Today is day nine of not contacting you at all. I called someone last night when I was going through the worst of it who said it sounds like you were pulling back from me anyway and doing things on purpose so I would break up with you and you wouldn't have to say the words yourself. I don't know if that's true, but it makes sense in light of everything that's happened since. If it's true you just don't want to be with me anymore, I wish you would've just said it instead of leading me to believe I had a second chance and making me feel like this is all my fault. I'm so confused. I don't want to believe it of you that you would let me feel like this when you have no intention of working things out, but I just don't know what to think anymore. I'm trying now just to get on with my life and wait on you to have the time and desire to speak to me. It's just so devastating because we had all these plans for the future and I had all these dreams and it's hard to let go. I can't imagine it was all a farce, which is what so many people are telling me. I'm not sure if I just want to believe because I don't want to feel like a fool or if it's because I just still really believe in us. All I know is that it's so difficult for me to let go. Link to post Share on other sites
xxSRMxx Posted June 12, 2009 Share Posted June 12, 2009 For now, Im not around. Ive disappeared, youve become way too cocky in thinking ill always be there etc. I dont wish 2 see u, ive had enough of crying and loving u when u dont even love me back. Your one big headf*ck and i dont wanna be involved anymore. See u in august at the christening. Please dont think about bringing her, shes not welcome. Link to post Share on other sites
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