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[sao2]

The day that you walked out of my life, again, you did it while telling me you loved me completely. Let me tell you about loving someone completely . . .

 

When you love someone completely you don't see the obstacles keeping you apart and say, "we can do this". Not like you, you see an obstacle and immediately say, "I can't do this".

 

When you love someone completely you say "I want to build a life with you" not your favorite response, "marriage, kids, I'm not saying I don't want those things, just don't count on it".

 

When you love someone completely and they ask you to visit, you make plans, you don't wait until they are about to walk out of your life to go. Of course this was my favorite part, when I asked you why you didn't come visit earlier, you said "I thought you were kidding".

 

I made mistakes as well, I created anxiety in your life, but now I realize that this anxiety was only a result of knowing, deep inside my heart that you never considered me a viable option. You lied to yourself and you lied to me when you told me you loved me completely. If at one point in our time involved you would have said "once I am done with ***** I want to try to be together". Of course not, that would have been too much to ask of you.

 

I fully expect that one day you will return to my life, telling me how ready you are, how sorry you are. I already know my response, I don't believe you.

goodbye,

me

[bluewolf17]

Tb,

 

What Am I going to say to you? What are you going to say? Will it be awkward. I won't bring up the R I won't bring up the R I won't bring up the R. But you can.

 

I am happy.

I got straight A's.

I started horsebackriding again.

I am going to Europe in August.

I love my new place.

I started rafting and I love it.

 

What's new with you?

 

Things I CAN'T SAY:

Do you want to try again?

Do you miss me?

Anything whiny, needy, etc.

 

Do you just want to say hi? After our last conversation and 3 weeks NC you just want to say hi? That doesn't make sense. Have you found someone new, and think "what better way to twist the knife, then to tell her in person"? No. That's not you. You wouldn't do that.

 

You know what I think? I think that you still care for me. I think you miss me sometimes, and I think that sometimes, you think about getting back with me. You don't want me to move on, because your not sure if you still want me or not. You want to see if I still want you. (I do). You want to see what will happen.

 

I am hoping for peace. I hope it's not painful. I love you TB. I still care for you. I wish I could have handled things diffrently. I wish I could still call you. You use to call me each morning to wish me a good day. For 3.5 years you called me everynight. You wanted to marry me. You wanted to live with me. You waited for me. You gave me the idea of a future I wanted so badly. I wanted it with you. I can't beleive that you don't still love me.

 

What frustrates me most, is that. I know you care. I know you miss me. Before (when we first broke up). I really pushed. I tried to convince you of this, and you reacted badly. That was bad of me, I shouldn't have pushed. Because once I stopped, and I went NC (both times) you made it clear that you cared. You were always the first to break our silence.

 

So it's been a long time. Please don't say you just want to catch up. Don't do that to me. If you are done, then just leave me alone. THATS THE THING! YOU DON'T KNOW~~ You always said "when you break up, its over, there is no more talking, they are gone". But here you are, not going away. YOU are the one that won't let me move on. I tried. Yes, we we were "talking" I would call you, and I would instigate some things, but whenever I cut you out (first NC 3 weeks, 2nd was 3 weeks) it was always you that wanted to see me again. YOU WON'T LET ME GO. I want you to seriously think about why that is. Are you still mad at me for breaking up with you? Worry that I will do it again? I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I have told you a thousand times how sorry and regretfull I am. I won't be like that again. I have SEEN how much you really mean to me, and I want to be there, 100%., I want to make you a priority, instead of a chore. What do I have to do to prove that?

 

I haven't dated anyone else, I have been good. Remember how you thought the only reason I was reacting so badly to the R is because I would be lonely. You laughed and said I would be with someone else in weeks. Well I am not. No one is like you. It's been three months, and I still love you.

 

So please, just tell me what you want. Want to try? Let me know. Don't want/don't know? Let me go.

[fabulous_chk]

Hey Steve, how are you? I hope you're doing well. I still love you my best friend. I understand why we need to be apart. We didn't have anything more to give to each other.

 

 

I am with someone new. He makes me happy. I feel like a brand new person. Of course, thoughts of you linger now and then. I hope to be one of your oldest friends in the future...and I can say this because I'm almost over you. Our anniversary is coming up and I just feel a twinge of sadness but it's okay. You made me so happy during our time together. I don't regret a single thing.

 

 

Take care of yourself, my love.

[SweetyBear]

Wow, I'm in double digits. Ten days since I haven't talked to you, texted you or otherwise communicated with you. It's been expressed to me that maybe you wanted to break up with me and didn't know how so you did things purposely to push me over the edge. I have no way of knowing whether that's true. Why the silence? It hurts to come to the conclusion that you decided I'm just not worth it. I am though. I luckily have many supportive people in my life who love me and make me believe I am worth it. I'm getting on with my counseling and hopefully that will also make me stronger in my belief of myself. I love you and I wish you would talk to me, but since you won't I will let you do what you need to do without my interference and I will get on the best I can. I know it won't always be this hard.

[fabulous_chk]

Aaagh! Steve! I need you my friend! Compared to this new guy, falling in love with you was smooth sailing! This one is driving me insane. I feel so petrified.

 

 

I miss you! Wanna cuddle with you. You were my home.

[iBelieve In Symmetry]

Honestly after everything the only thing I truly hope for now is that you'll miss me some and that I won't ever be completely erased from your memory.

[isthmus]

I was looking at our old photos, emails and msn chats last night.. and you know what? It didn't hurt as much as I thought it would. It made me smile looking back on how in love we were, and I feel lucky that we had those years together. We had so much fun and believed no-one in the world was in love as much as we were... and that's something special that no-one, including your new gf, can take away from us. I hope you realise how great we were too. I'm no longer pining for those days again, but I just want you to know you'll always be special to me.

[BW007]

Hey

I wish I could let the truth out but it is hopeless. The truth is you drove me over the edge towards feeling suicidal, hopeless, unloved and useless from someone who I really loved. You are not responsible for my inabilities to handle the breakup but you are responsible for how you have treated me so badly. God vicki I miss you so damn much. I would forgive you right now if you sincerely asked me.

 

I know there are large problems with myself if I have reacted to this thing that everyone goes through like this. I know I did not own you for life but I wanted to go through life with you. I want you to have good times with me again. I am so lonely without you. I have been through months of NC now and I have no illusions or false hopes, but my heart wants you still. I always sincerely loved you as well as I could. I miss you so much.

 

I am glad I have this place to put this because you would just think this was pathetic. I am still so sad and I am mourning the loss of us still. I have distance on this now but I think I may always want you around. I want you back.For real.

 

Well at least this is redirected away from you.

[BearPower]

Dear Ex Ex,

 

Never written to YOU before on here.

lol

 

Just wanted to say that you are still, obviously a cheating whore.

Your a sweet girl, but you are pretty much having an emotional affair with me to your bf.....I have to take some of the blame for that today, I guess, for making that roundabout comment about my junk..

 

None the less, I have forgiven you long ago for what you did.

 

Thanks for making me feeeeel good! haha

[bluewolf17]

TB,

 

I can't beleive how selfish, heartless and cruel you are being. You should have just left me alone. You should have let everything be. Why did you have to get my hopes up? Why did you have to lie to me?

 

Just let me move on. I can't beleive how much I hate you today. I hate you more than I ever loved you.

 

Never contact me again.

Bluewolf17

[guitarplayer1234]

Dear ex,

 

I wish I knew what was going on your head right now. One week you were telling me how much you like me, then the next you started to emotionally distance yourself, I should have known the break up was coming. We both know you have some issues to sort out whether it be with commitment or whatever. I really hope you figure yourself out. Other than that I have to say I am really proud of myself. As hard as it has been I've remained no contact for 15 days now and hope to continue until I heal. It hurt me to ignore your text you sent about a week ago when you just wanted to check up on me but I had to do it. There was no way I was going to set myself back and I'm really glad I did ignore you because I've grown alot during this short time span. I hope you are dealing well.

[SweetyBear]

I was doing so well. I really thought I was healing, but today has been a major setback. I guess it finally sunk in that maybe you really were doing things to "make" me end our relationship. It would explain why you haven't contacted me except for once at the very beginning of our breakup to talk. I was listening to all the sweet songs you burned for me today. That was stupid of me, too. I was trying to understand how you could go from feeling like all of those songs applied to us to just cutting me out completely. I have waivered back and forth today between really wanting to call and say that I'm still here, still sorry, still interested, still love you and knowing what it would do to me if you didn't respond or if you were cold to me again. I swear if I hear one more time that you're busy with work, I'll just lose it. I wish I had one more chance and I would have the exact words you need to hear. This just hurts so much to not know for sure and be thinking about all the possibilities of why you've not tried to contact me. I really was trying to just trust that you are busy and would contact me when you had the chance, but it's been two months since we broke up and eleven days since I've texted or called you. Nothing from your end. How can that be? Don't you miss me at all? I'm not going to be all melodramatic and say this is going to break me, but I do feel broken somehow. I love you and I wish that you would call.

[fabulous_chk]

Hi Steve my love, my friend, I have to go NC. I'm sorry. =(

 

Please keep busy. Your Opa was such a unique individual. You will heal, I promise you. My sister died more than 10 years ago, I still think of her but I don't hurt anymore. You are not always gonna hurt like this.

 

 

I will try to keep busy as well. I will not be dating, like you advised me to. And thanks for being there to talk to when I needed somebody to listen to me.

 

 

You and I, it will be okay. We are going to be fine. I will keep praying on it.

 

 

I will miss you.

[iBelieve In Symmetry]

Truth is, I'd be so much better off without you.

 

But this feeling is just so confusing...

 

I feel the loss. I miss you, I want to talk to you. But I don't want you to contact me because I feel it'll mess everything up. Besides, you don't deserve to talk to me.

 

Am I alone? Is this normal?

 

[Nikki Sahagin]

I saw pictures of you on the demon facebook. Thing is its nothing new. Even when you were me towards the end, every friday and saturday at the VIP clubs without fail. Never time to take me out or make me feel special. God you don't deserve me at all. Every friday and saturday you went to VIP clubs with your friends from work who you never let me meet. Some of them had their girlfriends there, but you never brought me. And you made me feel in the way for wanting to come with you. So you're still doing it? EVERY weekend without fail? When will you give up? GROW UP.

[Graduate]

Hi babe,

how are you doing? What is going on in your life, are you glad to be back home?

 

Today I went to see M and she gave me the pics she took of us in April when we all went out. I have been sitting here for the last few hours, looking at the pictures and been crying. It kills me to see how happy we look in the pictures, especially since I remember exactly what I was thinking when she took the one of us in front of the delicatessen. I was thinking about how much I loved you and how happy I was that you seemed so interested in being with me again. How great you were treating my friend and how happy I was that you both finally met after I had been talking to her about you for nearly a year.

 

And now, less than 2 months later you are out of my life and I have a feeling I will never hear from you again. Are you ever thinking about me? Do you remember me, do you miss me? Was I the only one who fell in love for the second time? Though I guess a more accurate description would be to say that I never stopped loving you. The 5 months I did not hear from you I never stopped thinking about you and hoping we would get back together. And then when we did, ... I was in heaven...

 

I miss you. I am dating and talking to many nice guys, but the truth is, you are the only one I want. I am sure I will be fine in time and possibly even fall in love with somebody else, I just wish I did not have to. I don't want anybody else, I just want you. Won't you come back to me? Please.

 

Love you,

Graduate

 

P.S. I am still wearing the wrist band I got at the club we went to on our last night together. It's been over 3 weeks and so far it has not come off. I am going to try and hold on to it as long as possible. Looking at my arm and seeing it there somehow makes me feel more connected to you.

[lupa]

My wife --

 

I love you -- I didn't show it well, because frankly I didn't know how. I also didn't know how alone you felt, because we had such good times together. I can see you running to the comfort of other people, and now I know what you are looking for. Every time you were short with me, I got distant, so we ended up in this pit.

 

Why don't we try a second chance? I know I love you and will learn and grow. I can be more attuned to your feelings, but you need to understand I didn't hurt you on purpose. I'd like for you to let go of the hate you built up for me, and see me for the real person I am again.

 

When I said "I do" I meant it forever, with you.

 

Let's talk.

 

-me

 

 

phew...I wonder how many more times I'm going to write this in here.

[brokenglass]

For some strange reason I miss you today. I was going through some folders on my portable hard drive and found some photos of us. Some of them were of you by yourself, photos I haven't seen in well over a year. There were some of you that are rather private as well, which is something else I haven't seen in a very long time.

 

I'm not sure why I'm here in this thread saying this, or what I'm trying to say, but I really miss you sometimes. I miss the old you. I miss the N that knew her step-mother and father were psycho's that will lie and contradict themselves to get people on their side no matter the situation. I sure as hell miss your intimacy...

 

Eh, I'll have to see you again here in a few hours to pick up our son and take him to dinner. I really hope we get along well tonight, we speak nicely to each other and communicate like two healthy adults. Seeing you upset or angry or frustrated really hurts my feelings.

 

I am trying so hard to let go, and I can feel my grip on this rope that I call Love ever so slightly slip from my grasp, but I am holding on as tight as I possibly can and I have no idea why, especially considering you let go and have moved on.

 

I was sitting here thinking about it yesterday, how I'd joke that if we ever broke up I had a "line of bitches waiting outside for me" and then tease that you had the same, and you would tell me, "no, I have zero men waiting for me." In reality, we break up and there are zero women to be seen and you had roughly 20-30 guys kicking your door down.

 

That makes me feel like I acted like a really big ******* for such a long time.

 

You're on Facebook now and I have a chat window open, hoping you say something positive, nice and friendly to me. Something that gives me any sense of love or compassion.

 

I know I'll never see it. Knowing that makes me loosen my grip...but I'm still holding on tight for absolutely no reason other than that I love you.

 

I need to get back to work....

[Cali Chris]

Here it goes....

 

It's been about six months, and all I do is still think of you. I have been reading some old letters and journals, while I have been slowly cleaning our condo we had together, and I know I havent always treated you the best , and it seemed like I didnt care about you and your feelings, I did , I just didnt do my best to show you most of the time. I really did my best, and now your gone, your with someone who, is giving you the emotional support, and financial support you always wanted. I feel like a loser, really, sfter seeing what this guy can do for you, I know why now your really into him and he will be in your life for now on. It just hurts after 13 years, and all I 've done for you, and to (you) yes I did a lot of things wrong and I made a lot of mistakes, you were so easily and timely( 2 months, or during) to let me go. I dont blame you, I was never much of anything, and understand why you left.

 

I love you , and like a friend here Lupa said

 

When I said "I do" I meant it forever, with you !

 

-Me

[lupa]

The thing that is so sad in all of this is that my story isn't unique. This is like the mistake people make over and over and over again. How do you get the second chance?

 

 

 

...All I've wanted to do all day long is call her or send her that message. We've only been "giving space" for not even a week, but it feels like an eternity. It has been months, though, that this nightmare has been going on.

 

I just don't understand any of this. it is all so ugly, and I never actively hurt her. Passively hurting her might be worse, but I can't help that now.

 

I would find it in my heart to try one more time with my spouse...that's what marriage is...isn't it?

[isthmus]

Hi R,

 

how are you today? I dont know why but today's been harder than usual. I was getting better, but today i just found myself tearing up at random things. Usually something sets me off, but today it was nothing... it's just sadness.

 

I miss you like crazy. I love you. I wish you were still mine, not hers. Oh god, why can't you just break up with her and we can try us again? I know thats the wrong thing to think and say, but I can't help it. You know we have so much fun together, we talked on the phone for an hour last night and we were laughing the whole time. Can you honestly tell me you feel as comfortable and happy around her as u are around me? Maybe you do... and that kills me

[BearPower]

How on earth can you 'be in love' so ****ing fast?

You have only been broken up from me for 2 months, you only met the guy a month ago.

 

 

I despise you, you hurt me so much. What the hell was going through your mind to hurt me so badly?

 

your a joke. The last 5 years together I thought were amazing...obviiously they were all just a big lie....

 

I will never give anyone my heart again so easily. I told you to take care of it, and you didnt.

KARMA baby, just you wait.....

 

 

ugh...i cant even be bothered writing about you anymore. Your just scum, low life, insecure....you are a fruit cake.....

[intrinsic]

I let you toy with me. My mistake.

 

It left me confused and alone. I could've been confused and alone without you, I think.

 

Whether or not it was intentional (which I doubt it was, you didn't give much of a damn about me; I probably wasn't even in your mind once you left me silent and dark), you were entirely insensitive.

 

It only affected me so much because I, being unstable and emotionally stunted, invested so much trust in you. Bad idea. Once again, my mistake. I know never to do that again. Why did I waste my "one person" on you? You know, the one person. I rarely let people in. I hadn't since you-know-when, not so much. (And since you, I've only just begun to consider it. To a good friend.)

 

I decided to try again quite awhile after you-know-when. So I did. I opened up again. To one person. To you. It felt all right; it felt right.

 

And now you've hurt me and I'll be hard-pressed to make myself vulnerable like this in the future.

 

It's none of your fault, necessarily. You don't have to desire me or anything and I wouldn't expect you to at all. The way you invalidated my words kinda sucked, but whatever. I don't blame you. Stuff like this is weird and crazy. It's not like we know each other as much as we think we do. You're the practical one in this situation. I'm just being unrealistic and a girl about this. Plus the drugs and the illnesses and the other things have got me thinking more than I should and thinking's bad for minds like mine.

 

I mean, I wish you the best and always will. I was just confused. I'm just confused.

 

But I came to the conclusion that you're too complicated for me. You're too complicated and for no reason. You're weaker than I need, too. I need strength. You don't have that. You couldn't have given me that. I'm better going forward. Sure, we operated on a similar mental plane, but you have nothing else to offer me and I have nothing else to offer you. Your life's tranquil and you're guileless and you come from a place where the grass looks much greener and I've just... seen more. Cool, but we couldn't really have helped each other grow because we couldn't really see from each other's points of view. That problem would have reared its ugly head sooner or later, the coming from different worlds thing, and we wouldn't have been strong enough and it would have broken us apart. Better to break this before fate does, right? Because otherwise it hurts a bit more.

 

I speak as if we would've gone anywhere in the first place.

 

I do adore you, though. I did. I do. And I will.

 

But I don't want or need you. I did, but I don't. And I won't.

 

So this is right. Leaving you behind is right. It feels just as right as you did back then.

 

I'm doing fine. I'll do fine.

 

"What doesn't kill us makes us stronger." Hm?

 

It's actually pretty true if you can make it through the... near-death experiences.

[lupa]

Every time my phone lights up to ring or tell me a message has come in, I hope it is you. It isn't. It hasn't been for a while, without me starting it. Every time it is you, it is a painful, brutal, awful conversation, full of anger towards me that I just don't understand. I don't understand. I can take some of the blame for getting to where we are, but your hatred for me is so goddamn confusing...

 

When the phone rings or lights up, it is my friends. It is my family. It is the people that never said they would be there forever for me...they just are. They never took vows or made an oath. That is the thing that blows my mind right now...the one person in the world I want to hear from is the last person that is going to call, and the people that I took for granted are the ones offering me love and support.

 

This is like that parallel universe that the Evil Superman came from. Up is down, black is white, and my wife thinks I'm her enemy.

 

I guess as time goes on, I can build on this. I guess as time goes on, I can see you for who you are now, not who you were back when times were good and easy. To turn tail and run like this, to blame me for everything...well, I just never thought that was you. Ok, then. Fine.

 

I vow to cry one less time about this, whether it is outloud or just in my heart, tomorrow. And one less time the day after that.

 

One day I'll be fine, and one day I'll be happy again.

[fabulous_chk]

ugh Steve! day 3 of NC. tore up your contact numbers again.

 

 

i will talk to you in person when u come home.