Post here instead of contacting your ex!

[Valedico]

Hey my baby

 

14 days of NC...i started feeling better the sadness is now replaced with numbness. Where are you? Who have you been hooking up with have you met someone new?? Do you still miss me sometimes or do u just think of the bad times? These qeustions replay in my mind everyday over and over.

 

I am content now i have finally let go of you...but i do still secretly wish you would come back to me one day, i know i hurt you so much but it wasent my intentions you were my first love, i didnt know how to treasure you properly, i wish i had my heartbroken before i met you why did i have to learn this lesson with you?

 

I have changed so much these last four months that we have been apart, my friends and family dont even know who i am anymore, my constant partying and drinking has come to a complete stand still, i prefer staying in and reading books now. If only you knew how much i regret what i did...

 

I miss you and i still love you

[bluewolf17]

TB,

 

I would be lying if I said that we can "be friends". How many times have I told you that? I wonder if you think that because I went NC for 3 weeks, that I am "healed". You just keep coming back. You always said "when it's over, its over, no friends, no contact". And yet its you. You contacted me and broke both my NC's.

 

The last time was hard. You said you didn't want me right now. You said you only missed me sometimes. So I left. Gone for 3 weeks of nothing. So what happend with you? Why three weeks later? Why did you have to ask if I was doing great? Why do you really need the Canoe I bought you back? Why did you want to meet up? I can't beleive its because you want to "be friends"s. So whats the deal. Last Sunday we started talking again. If felt really good. You seemed to miss me, though you didn't say it. I saw you Monday, and it was great. You act happy, and sweet and cute. Then I saw you yesterday, and it was the same. Some flirations, lots of laughs. What do you want? You haven't really asked me anything about what happend. We both know that is going to come up.

 

So do you miss me? Is that why you contact me? Why did you invite me to your family BBQ? Why have me hang out with your roomates (and before you said that it would be "awkward" for me to be around your roomates. So what's changed? Did you try dating someone else and it didn't work?

 

Doesn't matter TB. I am proving to you that I am a great girl. A wonderful, funny, loyal girl who is crazy about you. I want to work on things. I want to take things slow to, with the result being us back together. I promise to keep a leval head, if you promise to be honest with me. I still love you. You light up my day. You make me happy. I think I still make you happy. Did you want to kiss me? Hold my hand?

 

I can't wait to see you again. I really miss you TB. I promise, this time around, things will be diffrent. We spent 3.5 years together, and I was flaky to say the least. Us being split up, has shown me sooo much. I would never be that same girl now. I know now all I want is you. And If someonewhere deep down you want to give me another chance, I would be so happy.

 

Bluewolf17

[Graduate]

Hi J,

how are you doing? It's been so long since I seriously thought about you or posted about you on here. How long has it been, 5 years? Today I went through my old email account and found the over 500 emails you sent me when we were together. I thought it would be fun to read through some of them and remember how things used to be, long before you ever broke up with me, I met M and had my heart broken by him.

 

Well, it was amazing to read how much you loved me and how serious you were about us right from the start. Isn't it ironic that you broke up with me after 3 years because you never wanted to get married or have a family, when you were the one talking about a future, a family and children from the start? I can't count the emails in which you told me I was the love of your life and you would love me forever. Must have been a couple hundred.

 

Reading through your emails, especially towards the end of our relationship also reminded me of the heartache I went through when you left me and how I could not believe you were serious when you told me it was over. No wonder, as you spent the first year of our relationship convincing me that you were serious about us and that you never wanted to leave me.

 

And yet, after 3 years you dumped me and told me you never wanted to be with me again as you did not love me anymore. Where did all the love go, what happened? And if your love for me - which seemed to be so big and endless - ended, does that mean that every other man I am with will leave me too and stop loving me as well at some point?

 

I realize now how much you messed me up when you left me and then strung me along for 6 months. When I finally was strong enough to go NC on you, you kept on contacting me and did not accept that I no longer wanted to hear from you. So I guess you had no other choice to tell me you were married and expecting your first child a mere 12 months later. Well, congratulations, it really did get a rise out of me. And it totally prolonged me healing phase for at least another year. Thanks a lot for that.

 

And yet, even with you married and having a family you did not disappear from my life. Even now, 5 years later, you still send me the occasional email, never minding that I won't reply. Last thing I heard from you was that you left your wife and are now single again. Why did you tell me? Did you want to let me know you were available again? In case I was interested in being your rebound?

 

Well, I am not. I moved on, I fell in love again, and I had my heart broken by somebody else. But the pain you caused me is still there, barely beneath the surface and I don't know if I will ever get over it. I truly thought you were the one. After all, you did your utmost to convince me you were.

 

I guess I should not have read those emails, remembering that heartache has nothing done for me but remember that M was not the first man to break my heart. But this breakup is thousand times easier to get through than ours. The other thing it did for me is show me how much I am still hurting and that I am no way near to being your friend. So if you do send me a greeting card for my birthday, as you have done for the last couple years, I am just going to thank you and then make sure you stay out of my life. Thanks for nothing.

[Miguelrg]

I was only ever good to you, you really don't get that i never did anything to hurt you, how you can turn round and speak so negatively about me 4 months after breaking my heart is beyond me , your out back to your old life you've wrote about in diarys, back to the lonely partying fuc*ing a different guy all the time you said in one letter ' i get so lonely, i like being wanted just for that 1 hour'

 

I was your 'first love' i treated you perfect and was always there for your,

 

i hope you get aids and fall of a cliff you really are someone i never knew at all, your a regret, a complete waste of a year and a complete waste of all my emotion, i despise you, your a whore and you know it, you make me sick, you lower than low, act your age your slu*

[sao2]

If you loved me you made a mistake letting me go, twice. If you didn't you made a mistake in telling me that you did. In giving me hope that one day you would be ready to really try and make things work between us. I gave you more time than I should have to figure things out.

 

You made your choice and now we both have to live with it. What I really resent now is your trying to saddle me with guilt for not giving you enough time. Trying to make me believe that if I would have held on just a bit longer you would have been ready.

 

If after two years together and two years keeping me holding on to hope, if after all that time you weren't ready, you were never going to be.

 

You'll knock on my door again,(why do I know this?) saying your ready. What I asked of you last time won't be enough. Ironically, what I would ask of you will be more than I will be ready for. But otherwise I won't take you seriously.

 

I don't think I will ever take you seriously again.

[intrinsic]

I miss you. You understood it. You understood it all. I miss you.

 

And you couldn't care less.

[BackonTrack2]

Hello Stranger,

Just came back from the new women's house. Been with her about 5 months now. She's cool. I don't mind her.

 

Not sure what to write as in the end, u made it really clear there is nothing more to us. In the end, I was a love sick puppy, couldn't even get rid of you when I found out you were whoring......

 

That was truly pathetic of me... So 15 or 16 months later, more like, 20 or 21 months later, I'm back to normal and my mind is clear and I am whole again. I can start running again. U hurt me so good, more than words could ever describe but you didn't care.

 

So now what, thinking about how everything went down and how I reacated and what happen and the things you said, the things I said, man, u were one confused whore. To bad I didn't see the signs of what was happening, let me rephrase, I didn't know the fall out would be so bad for me atleast.

 

In the end, you were not loyal, your a whore. It almost sickens me. But hey, thats life + I'm sure your happy so look, it worked out for everyone!!

 

Good Job Baby Girl, keep on trucking.... Sooner or later though, a man is going to make you regret your ways and when that day comes, I'll just be laughing.....

 

What goes around, comes around... Good Luck

[t0ri]

"I've got to breathe, you can't take that from me, cuz it's all that you've left that's mine! You had to leave, and that's all I can see but you told me your love was blind. I know there are times you're so impossible that I should sign a waiver. You will find someone worth walking on...

 

I'll leave when the wind blows. You can scream there's just echoes. I'll pass outside of your window. You'll be sad that you let me go! I'll leave but just know...

 

As I lay in solitude, oh what's a girl supposed to do? I shake the very thought of you, me together I remember late nights when I stayed up late, all I do is wait and wait. You're never coming home to me, that's the hardest thing to see "

 

-All-American Rejects

 

I hate you, love you, miss you, despise you, loathe you, am forgetting you, carry you in my heart and soul, am sick at the thought of you, want to kiss and talk to you, all at the same time. You're birthday is this weekend and you won't be hearing from me. **** your birthday and **** you. I'm not a piece of trash and I hate you for treating me like one. I hope you treat the new girl better. Actually, I hope she treats you like **** so you'll know how it feels. Maybe then you'll appreciate what you lost. And if you never do, I'll never know. So whatever.

 

And just so you know, your precious little "friends" talk unbelievable loads of crap about you, which actually makes me sad. I wish you realized it was a mistake to find more value in them than me. One said he didn't understand how I could possibly have sex with you and that you are literally an idiot, and the other just today said I deserve better than you and you're a drunken fool who thinks he's hot ****. So true. You need a reality check. YOU hurt ME, and I still feel SORRY for and worry about YOU. Maybe I need a reality check!

[bluewolf17]

I remember sitting in my apartment in Linnton, red wine staining our teeth. It was our 7th or 8th date. We were whatching Austin City Limits. Ryan Adams was playing. I made to pizza rolls because you got hungry. We were just sitting there on the couch, talking and laughing. You made a joke, and my response was "oh I love you". I was so emberresed. I told you I didn't mean it, but I did.

 

A week later we were in your apartment in Eugene, OR. We were listening to old records, lying on our backs on your dirty carpet. John Lennon was playing "oh Yoko". You started singing to me. You stopped singing and kissed me. You told me you loved me.

 

I was so happy. I couldn't even contain my excitment. I thought I had it all. I remember the speach you gave me when I got my Tiffany pearl bracelet. You told me how you felt it defined us. It was simple and timeless. I remember you coming back from your fishing trip with your grandpa. You were so happy to see me. You said you missed me everyday, and you couldn't stop talking about us getting married, and how much you loved me. And I was on my labtop, annoyed with you. I don't remember why. I wish I had logged off and just kissed your face instead.

 

Baby I did a lot of things wrong. I can be very cold and stand offish. I didn't give you the same amount of love that you showed me. I am so sorry for that.

 

I am trying really hard to hold it together. We just started talking again, and I am so happy about that, but it also makes me sad. I just want to be with you again, but I guess I can't rush that. I wish you still loved me.

 

I'm sorry TB. I am really sorry.

[MrFun]

This is great! Thanks for starting this thread. I'm having problems coping right now, but I'll give it a shot....

 

Hey Loved One,

 

Haven't seen you around for ages, it was nice seeing you at the doctor's office that morning. I'm sorry for acting so distanced but I was a bit absent-minded. You see the day before I received naked pictures by a much younger woman that I slept with. Although I'm not in love with her yet, she reminded me off all the things that were missing in our relationship.

 

Remember the time when we first got together? Geez, that was what, 7 years ago now??? How time flies. So how have you been since you dumped me without warning that Sunday evening? Found someone that treats you as nicely as I did? Oh, your new guys lies? He's what...cheated on you??? I'm sorry, but I guess now you know what it feels like.

 

Cheating and lying is something that runs in your life doesn't it? Have you actually had a partner that you haven't cheated on yet? Oh, I'm sorry, it must be your childhood. Wasn't it your dad that molested you maybe? I tried to help you, God knows I tried every which way possible. Remember how I offered to help you go to therapy? I would have waited an eternity til you were ready, but instead you treated me like an emotional landfill.

 

Maybe it was your drug past or the fact that you can not deal with conflicts? Try communication for once, it helps a lot of couples and guess what, it's actually fun too!! You know, I tell a story, you tell a story? Makes people laugh.

 

Oh, that's not to say you can't make people laugh....with that special social mask you have you can chameleon you way into anyone's heart. Well, until they figure out that there's absolute NOTHING behind your walls and masks. See, most of us on this green planet of ours tend to work on ourselves. Something you never bothered to do.

 

Are you still in touch with your ex-boyfriend? The one that's on the run because he beat someone up? Is he also still on drugs?

 

Why did I even bother with all that stuff. I guess I saw the positive sides to you. I never did drugs, was never on anti-depressives, I was never raped as a 19 year old or molested as a child. I know you its not your fault, but why didn't you ever bother to get over that, especially considering I would have helped you as much as physically possible. I loved you more than I thought I could love anyone. I gave you space and I gave you support.

 

You cheated on me and lied to me for almost 2 years before dumping me. I never received anything from you except 2 lousy emails. Two emails for 6 years. Two.

 

But I bet you've found another sucker to help you. When we first met, you had nothing. You lived in someone else's flat. Your TV was a gift. You had no savings, not even a driver's license. You were off drugs, but on antidepressives and procrastinating your life away. You couldn't plan 6 months in advance and thought about getting "never passing your genes on".

 

Now that you've dumped me, you're Ms Successful and yeah, you can have an affair with your boss.

 

I hope you've had plently of one nights stands, and I hope noone ever gives you the time of day until you learn to work on yourself and get yourself straightened out.

 

How am I doing? Badly. I think of you all day long, but not because I want you back, but because I was so stupid to let you into my life. I gave you everything I had and you took it all.

 

One day I'd like to leave this hatred towards you behind me. It's getting better and maybe one day I'll find a nicer girl, one that I'm looking for...

[isthmus]

Hi R,

 

We hung out with your friends today, just like we used to. It felt the same, but so different. I don't know how to explain it. We joked around like usual, yet when you dropped me off, I felt so sad and empty. I got home, and I cried. I haven't done that in about 2 weeks, which to me, is a massive achievement.

 

I don't even know quite why i felt sad. Is it cos there's just such a huge emptiness in our friendship now? We can talk about anything still, except her. We don't mention her name, but we know she's there. You dont talk about her when u say who u hung out with, or what you did last night. But I know. As much as you try to avoid bringing up her name, to not hurt me, I know anyway.

 

I know from the way you talk to me when she's there. You dont need to tell me you're with her, I can tell by your tone. You dont joke around with me anymore, you just act curt and polite. Why the f*$@ do you do that if you think how close we are is normal? What's there to be ashamed of? Also, why do we still make faces at each other when our friends aren't watching?? Why do you think we can have our inside jokes, but only when you think no-one else will find out?? It makes me so angry, but i play your game anyway. You're having your f*$&ing cake, and eating it too. Because i let you. I can't help it... i still crave those moments. They make me happy that we still have *something*.

 

I also know she stayed over last night. I know you drove her to work this morning. All from me asking you what time you got up this morning... I hate how I can decipher all these scenarios, from the tiniest of hints. But I can't help it. I piece together your life, i know every time you meet up with her, and you dont even need to tell me!!

 

You seem to forget how well i know you. I recognise the slightest changes in tone in you, the changes in vocab, the pauses u make before answering questions. And i know what's normal, and what's not. When you're awkward and when you're not. It tells me exactly how you're actually feeling and what you're actually thinking, rather than the words that are coming out of your mouth.

 

When is this going to end??? When will we finally feel normal again? When will these sudden waves of sadness stop hitting me?

[jqb05443]

How could you shut me out like this? How could you? I just needed to know that we could be friends. I just needed to know that I could pick up the phone and it not be weird. Not everyday but I need you. We did so much together and the thought of you doing these things for someone else really makes me want to go crazy. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH. I want to text you but I did enough damage. Please text me. I want to drive over there and see you so bad. I need you soooo bad. I know there is someone else now, although the last time I saw you you told me there wasn't. I will never EVER be the same.

[hrtbrk hotel tenant]

me: (from King of NY-christopher walken voice) "just tell me why...just tell me why"

her response: cuz i wanna see if HE gives me what i need

 

me: so that is y u break up with me then the next day go see him das foul chic u disrepectful

 

her: i am not in love with u so...blah blah blah

 

me: so das ur justification to do ur thang right *** u ur mother shouldve swallowed u imma good man and i deserve better than u bitch

[sao2]

I got nothing left for you. No more guilt, no more anger, no more pain, no more love. This is it. Tonight I didn't think about you and it felt great.

 

I'm moving on now, peace out.

[Intricategirl]

Dear, R

 

Happy Father's Day. You don't deserve that title. I mean, you're the one that was perfectly okay with them being at your mom's house today, and in fact, not seeing them in person at all over the summer. Just like you did with me, you never really understood what to do with them, so they stopped putting much effort into it. Why be let down continually? For you, "Happy Sperm Donor and Child Support Paycheck Day" seems more appropriate.

 

------------------------------------------------------------------

In other news, you asked me how I was doing. The reason I couldn't tell you, and why I got defensive is because it feels like it's rubbing it in if I tell you I'm doing really well. No, you know what? I'm doing f*cking fantastic. When you left, I had no job skills or prospects, no degree to get said job, no way to function in basic society, no financial skills, nobody to mentally stimulate me, and nobody to sexually stimulate me. Now, a very short 2.5 months later, I have a job that pays me a decent wage and I feel I'm actually earning respect there, which is a difficult thing to do. I start school in September, and though it isn't my first choice for a University, the degree will have an emphasis in an area that's set to explode in the next few years. Which means that after law school, I'll be in the unique position of being trained in the one area of law that's the most developing, and I'll be one of the first in the field- helping to hash out the meaning of the very laws themselves. I know how to function in basic society. Hell, I'm doing a pretty good job of functioning in advanced society too. I went out for drinks with some aquaintences (not friends, but acquaintences), and instead of clinging to them as my lifeline, I met and carried on conversations with 4 people I'd never met before, in a group of people I only barely know anyway! And at my art show (I have three art shows lined up, by the way), I'm going to be stellar. I picked up probably a hundred inivtations because I actually have that many people I could give them to. I have a positive net worth and enough of a cushion that if something went wrong with the building, I could probably afford to fix it without going into any debt. My friends challenge me, and are fascinating to me, and I have begun to challenge myself. And sexually, the guy I'm seeing is freakin' hot, but more exciting because he's motivated, confident, respectful, honest, and actually has a rich, full life.

 

Apart from that, I've decided that I'm going to learn to ride a motorcycle, and eventually learn to fly a plane. I'm signing up for that blacksmithing class I always wanted to take, and I would sign up for the shoemaking class, but I can teach that to myself. And I'm seriously considering going to Dublin, all by myself, in March of next year. It's not about leaving my comfort zone. It's that my comfort zone is engaging in everything life has to offer me.

 

If this sounds bitter, wow, are you reading it wrong. This letter wasn't even about you.

[fabulous_chk]

Sigh Steve....stop saying you're confused. It makes me sooo angry. We were done 3 months ago.

[mr.dream merchant]

You were my babygirl, my everything. You went from being madly in love with ya boy to throwing me away like trash with little to no reason why. Damn....I miss you babygirl, and I'll always want you. I just hope you find happiness in whatever you do with your life. After all, its all I ever wanted for you, with or without me. Love you angel eyes, yours truly.

[intrinsic]

You,

 

I am boiling with tears and anxiety right now but I think if I give myself a moment to breathe and an outlet to employ, I'll be OK.

 

I know I'm weak and silly.

 

Just, it's this:

 

WHY is it that when I feel like I need you the most you are NEVER there, yet, when I feel I don't need you at all you show up out of the blue and reignite the former emotions all over again? Why...?

 

It's so coincidental that I'm starting to think God's playing clever tricks. I was thinking to myself, literally a few minutes before I ran into you, "It feels good to be over him. I grieved for a bit, told him everything I needed to tell him, and now I've dealt with it and I feel capable and everything's good." I was feeling positive. I felt accomplished and powerful. It was a good day, one where I hadn't thought about you ONCE (until the mental acknowledgment that I'd moved on), and I also realized that I hadn't thought about you much at all for a few days prior to that.

 

SPEAK OF THE F*%($*ING DEVIL!

 

There you are.

 

Great.

 

...

 

 

Actually, yes! Great is right.

 

I'm sure I should feel worse about this than I do! Any other day before recently, it'd send me into a panic attack or a silent depression or a series of disjointed thoughts. Right now, it's just sent me into a little bit of frustration, a little bit of humiliation, a little bit of confusion, but it's all right.

 

It's OK. I'll go eat something healthy, take some deep breaths, listen to music and then go on about my quiet night. I'm sure I'm strong enough to deal with or without you, because I don't need you. I'd decided, hadn't I? I don't need you. Hopefully soon I'll manage indifference to your presence, but for now, I'm just working on reversing upset.

 

I hope you're doing well, by the way. Because I will be. Soon enough.

[mr.dream merchant]

I just want to know why. That's all I want to know. Why? Why did it come to this? I'm still left in the dark.

[BoatLord]

Happy Father's Day? Are you kidding me? I have shut you out of my life and here you go texting me. Why? Do you think I'm going to go through all of that hurt all over again? For You? Not gonna happen. I worked too hard, went through so much to get over you, to not contact you. You know what? I think our Son really wants to live with me but, doesn't want to hurt you. I'll put the offer out to him again today. Maybe he'll say yes this time. Maybe he'll say no again and throw in a reason having to do with you again.

 

Have fun with your evil family! And your evil " There are guy's that want to date me. I'm not going to lie to you". And your cable-got-shut-off apartment. And your evil car that you can't make the payments on. And the evil insurance I'm gonna shut off for your evil car.

 

Oh yeah, I HATE YOU!!!!!!!!

[SweetyBear]

It doesn't matter why anymore. You have stood me up for the last time. I will make no more plans to talk and to work things out. One day you will realize that you are the one who missed out. You have been cruel. You knew that I was hurting and pretended to want to talk to me, pretended to want me. I'm not sure what you want, but it's not me. You are not the man I thought you were because he would never have intentionally hurt me. I used to feel like you thought I hung the moon and stars. You used to rush to see me. In the end, seeing you was like pulling teeth. I understand that relationships are work, but it shouldn't have been that hard. Good luck to you. I hope you are happy however you are spending your time these days, but I have a feeling you're not. I will work on me so that next time around I can attract a man who is worthy of who I really am living up to my potential. I will be happy and my life won't be empty. I am worth it.

[intrinsic]

Sometimes I wish you'd just talk to me. I wish you'd just talk to me like you used to.

 

I miss you. I miss you.

 

Oh god, this is harder some days than others.

[bluewolf17]

TB,

 

Your not confused. You do know. Your just too much of a Pu$$y to tell me the truth. You don't want to try again, you don't love me anymore. FINE. I CAN handle that. I really can. It won't be hard to fine someone who will.

 

Just tell me this, why can't you just say it? Because you are afraid "down the road" you will regret it. You want to string me alone (even thought you swear your not) because your not sure if your sure. Well I am sure that this is NOT WORKING. I still love you, and we can't see eachother anymore. Don't call me. I am NOT being demanding my asking you to tell me yes or no. That's not "me being a girl about it". That's me being a decent human being, wanting a straight answer. And obviously, you are incapable of it. So let me make the answer now. Let ME TAKE CONTROL now. I am moving on. Do we still have fun together? Yes. Will I miss that? Yes. But you know who else I have fun with? My friends and family. And they don't break my heart everytime I see them.

 

Done.

[fabulous_chk]

Steve it's a good thing I tossed away the paper with your number on it. I want you to be the one to call me this time.

 

I miss you terribly today. I still have a bit of a hangover and maybe that's what's causing this mini-depression.

 

You upset me the last time you contacted me. I do not want to be strung along. I have 2 guys actively pursuing me right now, it's funny because I thought I'll never find someone as tall as you, but here they are they are both 6'5". LOL!

 

Ah, Steve, I feel sorry for you, for the fact that you lost me. Deal with it. If you ask me why I am not in communication it's because you are a fu.c.king, lying, cheating bastard.

[Sbrizio]

I despise my weakness to write here what i feel, but better here than to tell these words to you.

Beside the fact that you already know what im going to tell you, i have to try to be a better person than i was in my past.

Ok, i ringed you, you've not replied. But it won't happen again.

 

F. you had all my love and care. You were for me a bestfriend, a lover, a sister. You were my ideal of a mate for life, but you were not into it as i was.

I won't say i'm fine with is: you pierced a hole in my chest with your words yesterday.

 

Still, i will stand up again, and you will have lost the most caring and passionate lover, that old romantic dreamer who made you laugh so much.

 

I will write here again i feel, but this virtual wall is large, and i have pain to fuel my words.

 

There is nothing i can say to despise you, nor i want. You acted at your best, as i did. Only our feelings were different.

 

I'll never forget what you've been to me. And i'll never forget our time together.

 

Hope the same for you.

 

Take care of yourself, ma petite Roxane.