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polywog

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To H.

 

I thought I was over you. But meeting you today have brought all the pain back again and i missed you too 'cause you looked so beautiful and stunning as always. I'm glad to hear you are doing well with the new course and everything (i always knew from from the start). As to getting back and starting over? I don't know what to think now.. i just want to sa.. [ dammit this doesn't help :( ]

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TB,

 

Ever since I got back, I feel a pressure it lifted. The more I think about it, the more sure 100% NC is the best thing in the world. I have forgiven you, and I have forgiven myself. To be honest, the thought of calling you know, makes me feel sick. And not a sick to my stomache I miss him and am so sad feeling. But a why in the world do you get to know anything about me way. I want you happy. You deserve it. I can only hope you find someone as funny, charming and interesting as me. And if you do, marry her.

 

I will send you a toaster.

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Do you regret it? Do you? DO YOU? Is that why you called after a month of no contact? You know better than to ask me to be friends with you. You know very well I don't have any ex boyfriends as 'friends'. We've discussed this. You knew before you asked me that I would say no. You weren't surprised. You didn't even argue. So, what is it? You wanted me to know that you are getting help, that there's nobody else, and no other reason, and you need my help and support, WELL WHY DID YOU BREAK UP WITH ME THEN? Why did you throw it all away at such a beautiful point? We didn't even have any issues. Barely any disagreements. EVerything was wonderful. YOU initiated all of the talk about the future, and YOU gave me all of these amazing thoughtful gifts and YOU are the one who told your family you were serious about me. AND THEN YOU BAIL.

 

Idiot!

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You were the chosen one! It was said that you would bring joy to my heart, not destroy it. It was you that would bring balance to my life, not leave it in darkness.

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Hello H, I was just think of you... it was a documentary about dogs!

Stop calling me already. Now F**k off.

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I wonder if the stress you have caused yourself has you stuck on the toilet all day? Just a random thought.

 

Take care,

 

-Caramel

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You're overweight, not very attractive, AND unintelligent with a crappy personality. Not to mention self-centered, arrogant, and treated the 1 person you knew cared about you the most like dirt. Get over yourself.

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SimplyIzzy2010

Dear E:

After months of being filled with this desire to never talk to you, i was overpowered by the desire to talk to you, even though i promised myself i never would again. Where are you? did you leave for college already? are you still with her? do you love her more than you loved me? does she treat you better than i did? do you love her more because you love her family? is she better than me? does she tell you everyday how much he adores you, like I did? does she also notice the way your eyes crinkle up at the corners when you smile?

did you forget me already? did you forget how we were supposed to be together forever? did you forget everything we had and that i cant possibly put into words? did i really mean that little to you,that you could just move on and be with someone new after...everything? after we spent three years of high school together battling everyone and everything to keep us together?

 

did you forget me already?

 

did you already tell her that you love her?

 

and even if you're not with her anymore... you never came back to me... so you're gone either way.

 

i regret ever talking to you the first day of my freshman year. i regret ignoring the rumors and the girls who actually came up to

me and told me "he'll hurt you"

 

it's been more than a year since we broke up, but a year of that time you used to string me along until you found someone "better". then you cut me off.

actually no. you wanted to be friends, but i refused. hearing you talk about her once was enough for me.

 

its been four months of NC.

sometimes i regret cutting you off completely from me.

when i remember that I'll never talk to you again my heart constricts.

 

I'm not going to lie.

i miss you.

and everything we had.

 

but i will never forget all the pain you put me through.

 

I wonder...

do your friends tell you to dump her because she's "ugly" , like they did with me?

 

wait. they're not your friends anymore.

 

you have new friends now too.

 

would you have listened to them, like you did with me?

 

even though i loved you for you and even your damn

womanly mood swings?

 

you know what? as i type this i'm getting really mad.

 

remember when i forgot something at your house, and you brought it to me during school, but while you were doing that you kept looking around because you were embarrassed to be seen with me?

 

 

whatever.

 

i know that if i ever see you with her i'll want you and miss you, but i just have to remember the pain. the names you called me. how much you brought me down.

 

college is next year, and i picked one that was highly selective, so that i wouldn't ever have to see you and your dumb girlfriend again, because you two could NEVER get in.

 

I know i said i would go to the college that was close to you, JUST IN CASE.

but there are no more just in cases.

 

Eric, I loved you so much. and you hurt me so bad it caused me physical pain. i will never forget you, but i won't forgive you either. how, how, how could you have done all that to me?

 

sometimes i'm tempted to see you, so that you will see me and regret everything, but its futile.

if you ever came back, i would just be scared you would do it to me all over again.

 

besides, i dont know where you are anymore.

 

or who you are.

 

how i wish i could have been the one for you. we had such a sweet story.

 

 

you liked me since you saw me walk in the door seventh grade. but remember how much i hated you?

i don't even know why i didn't like you.

oh yeah, it was because you were a man whore.

but you would always hit on me, regardless of who you were with.

 

remember how on the last day of your eighth grade year i went up to you and said, "thank god you're going to high school. you are so annoying."

 

then remember how you found me on the first day of my freshman year, and asked me if i still hated you?

 

then we began.

and ended three years later.

 

and you and her?

 

she was "kinda" your friend, and the only thing that attached her to you is how much you loved and wanted to be a part of her family . how you used to call her mom your mom.

 

how you used to tell me she was ugly and a bit awkward.

 

then, out of nowhere, you think she's beautiful? more so than me? even though she's my complete opposite?

 

out of nowhere, you like her?

 

out of nowhere you ask her out, and you dont tell me because you want me around, just in case?

 

then, two weeks later you call me to tell me that you guys had broken up that morning over a misunderstanding, and that both of you had cried, and that it hurt so bad, and that's why you and me were officially over?

 

because you actually felt something for her?

 

 

do you really think i wanted to hear that?

why couldnt you have just left me alone when you broke up with me for the very first time last summer? why did you have to tell me that little story thats been replaying in my head all summer?

 

 

why??

was it on purpose?

 

 

why did you hurt me?

 

i never ever ever did anything to you.

 

i loved you more than anybody ever did.

 

i was there for you when nobody else was, not even your mom and dad.

 

did you fall in love with her already?

 

like you did with me? and your other ex? and the other one?

 

 

how can one person fall in love so many times? is that even possible??

 

 

how?

 

how?

 

i hate you.

i hate you because while you're probably off with her right now, or missing her, or loving her, i'm here, crying for the first time since our last conversation.

 

not even crying, because i cant even cry over you anymore.

 

 

my heart just aches.

 

constantly.

 

and i know i won't ever be as happy as i was before i met you.

 

did you only show up in my life to mess me up, then leave me to go off with someone else?

 

i don't get it.

 

i never will.

 

maybe one day, when someone you would have died for leaves you, you'll feel my pain then think of me.

 

 

i just dont see how its possible to forget the life you had planned with me to go be with her.

 

 

but that's how you chose it to be.

 

goodbye, eric.

goodbye.

 

i hope i never see you again.

 

i hope you can feel the feeling behind these words. feelings of sadness, hatred, pain.

 

yes. i was stubborn. i was jealous.

 

but i never deserved all you did to me.

you never even did this to the girl who cheated on you and left you in pain.

 

 

I hope that when i go to college i'll find someone that will treat me so much better than you did.

 

my biggest wish is to completely erase you from my memory. if it was possible to do it with some type of medicine or anything, i would.

 

just know that NOBODY will EVER love you like I did. ever.

 

She is not me, and that is my only comfort.

 

we were destined to be great, and you ruined it all.

 

how could you?

 

so long, eric. so long. from this moment on, i'm not going to give a damn about you.

 

i know God in all his mercy will show me the way.

 

if i see you at any of my senior events, at any high school events with her, I refuse to let the pain show. I will endure because God is on my side.

 

I have so much going on for me, more than you and her combined.

 

 

i'm done with this.

 

good bye forever, eric.

 

 

-Izzy

 

I hope i wont ever be tempted to break NC again.

 

 

and thank you loveshack, for being such a lifesaver.

 

:laugh:

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Remember how you used to always want me to call you when I got home so you'd know I was safe? For the past nearly five months, you haven't worried about me once. You've never called just to make sure I was okay. I call you or text you and you're nice enough to tell me that you still love me and want to work things out. You're nice enough to call me when you're ON THE WAY to see me with no advanced warning. Truth is, you don't care and I need to accept that again. I had these little glimmers of hope, but I have to let go of them now. I really do wish you'd been half the man I thought you were and just told me you don't love me and don't want to be with me anymore. That must be how you feel. It's been almost five months and you've made no effort at all. If I wanted something and knew it was right there waiting for me, it wouldn't take me five months to get it. I remember when it was only 5 weeks and how devastated I felt that you'd go so long. I think I better get an effin clue that you just don't want me and you just don't care.

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So sick and tired of seeing you everyday, I can't wait for the house to be sold so I don't have to see you morning day and night... you make me so mad, you broke my heart and I continue doing nice things for you without even a thank you...

 

I can't wait for you to wake up one day and realise that you threw everything away, it might not of been perfect but no relationship is, with the attitude that you have you'll be finding yourself in the same relationship you always had before you met me, druggies, alcoholics and abusers...

 

Don't come crawling back because I gave you your chance to change your mind so many times...

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L,

 

I gave you everything I had: my heart, my soul, my time, my love. You did not appreciate it. We barely saw each other. One day I asked you if you were free on a particular day. You said "I don't know, my friend may want to hang out." WTF? I was your girlfriend and I saw you every 5 weeks. You did not appreciate my patience. You made fun of me when I was hurt. You made fun of me when I was upset. You refused to even try to understand me, to help me through my pain.

 

You asked for my compassion. You gave me almost none. I can't believe how much I stood for. I was so mad today, I wanted to contact you and tell you about my pain for the upteenth time. But I'm not going to. Today marks the longest time I have ever stayed away without contacting you. I don't know if I can keep NC going. I'm so upset with you. All I can do is take it one day at a time. And today, I promise myself I will not initiate contact with you. This I promise myself because I have to look out for me...you never did.

 

You didn't care about my safety. When I was hurt or sick you never called to check up on me. Married for 12 years, yet you have no clue about giving yourself to someone else.

 

You are an undesirable. That's what the author of the book "Loving Me" calls people like you.

I've dated losers before, but you take the cake. You wrap yourself up in a pretty package with your words of honor, but inside the package is a box of nightmares waiting for an unsuspected victim.

 

Yes, I feel like a victim. But I'm going to work hard to dissolve that feeling. I let you treat me like trash. I made excuses for you. You were my Knight in Shining Armour.....for one month. For the next 11 months or so, I clung to that image even though you turned into the Court Jester.

 

My roommate and I laugh at you...from your bony body to your selfishness to your....

You're just a disgusting, repugnant slice of nothingness. It's a shame that skin and bone and flesh and oxygen are wasted on you. You are such a freak-freakish and disgusting. You are filthy and nasty. You are dirty and rude. You have NO manners whatsoever...talking while food is in your mouth. You don't know the meaning of the words "thank you." You don't care about my physical safety. You don't care about how tender my heart is. You don't care about the mental anguish I've suffered because of you. To you, woman are just a convenient way for you to drown your problems. You aren't fit to breath the same air as everyone else. The other day I scraped something off of my shoe and it looked like it have your face embedded in it. Your soul has gaping wounds all over it. You should be arrested for impersonating a real person, you Subhuman Wonketrek. You are a weak, impulsive, mean, thoughtless, cruel, crude, rude, uncaring, selfish, unclean, stupid, ungentlemanly, nasty, filthy fool.

 

Have a good day.

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T-

 

I'll never say I am glad you left. I can't say I am happy about the anguish you have caused me. But I can't say I am glad you are gone. I've lost myself again. Nothing can stop me now. Sometimes I think I'm happy here. But I pretend. I'm not happy here. It's been almost three months. I suppose everyone is right. I am better off. Maybe I didn't propose soon enough. I bought the ring the day before you left. I won't be your friend. I don't expect anything. I'll just stare at the sun. I'll find my answers in solitude.

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I got an email from you yday. You said you could never give me another chance to love you because you have to much pride? I don't understand what that means. I feel stupid for goin to see you yday on my lunch break. I asked for a hug you said no. I cried you didn't budge. Yet you still say you love and care about me dearly. You gave me money for dinner and even offered to ride two hours w/me just to get donuts although you worked a 12 hour shift. Why? If you no longer want to be with me?

I hurt you and I know that I did. I can't apologize enough. If I had the opportunity to love you again I would do a better job. I will show you I truly love you and our two boys!. I made a mistake and I've learned from it. I love you so much:love:

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I got an email from you yday. You said you could never give me another chance to love you because you have to much pride? I don't understand what that means. I feel stupid for goin to see you yday on my lunch break. I asked for a hug you said no. I cried you didn't budge. Yet you still say you love and care about me dearly. You gave me money for dinner and even offered to ride two hours w/me just to get donuts although you worked a 12 hour shift. Why? If you no longer want to be with me?

I hurt you and I know that I did. I can't apologize enough. If I had the opportunity to love you again I would do a better job. I will show you I truly love you and our two boys!. I made a mistake and I've learned from it. I love you so much:love:

 

 

Reading that post made me pretty upset. People are so...alien.

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My god how much i feel bad today.

 

I don't even know how to describe all this... i miss you as hell, i feel humiliated to feel you have this power still to me, i feel bad because you're enjoying the vacations we should have spent together... i miss your company, your body, your soul.

 

I feel like i've never going to fall in love again, i feel my life empty and useless, and i realize this is stupid, but i can't help feeling this nevertheless.

 

I feel like i tasted something delicious and now i lost it forever, cruelly, without reason. And i know i'm making things better than they really were...but still can't help feeling this!!

 

I'd like to set the world on fire, i'm in rage, against you, irrationally, if you want... but i'm still angry.

 

It seems to me pretty ridicoulous to write this stuff on a public board on the internet, and at the same time I REALIZE WHY i have to do this, because i want all this to get out...to get out of me.... IT HURTS!

IT HURTS!!!

 

Do you understand this??

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TB,

 

I hope you keep your promise. It's somthing you should have done 6 months ago. If you had, maybe I wouldn't be in this situation. Maybe I would be a lot better. But I can't blame that on you. I should have taken more control. I am sorry I sold the canoe. The last thing I wanted was for you to hate me. But you had no right to speak to me like that. It just proves why we aren't together. You are a head case.

 

We did spend a lot of time together, and I loved you, and only you for a very long time. We had some really great memories, and it makes me feel good that your friends and family hold me in such high regard. At the end of the day, all that doesn't matter. What matters is how you feel, and since you don't feel anything for me (blame it on your depression/anxiety/multiple personality disorder, whatever) then nothing matters.

 

I am a great girl. I took care of you. I loved you as best as i could. I was faithfull and supportive of everything you did. I was patient and honest with you. Even now, I have been 100% honest with you. Throwing aside pride and always telling you exactly how I feel. Because I don't think love is about games of who is more over who. And despite all that for some reason you are done. I don't know what I did, or what changed, and I suppose it doesn't matter. We had our time, and while I learned so much from it, I am ready to let it go. I am ready to find someone who wouldn't ever let me go.

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I've been down, but I'm back up again. I hate what you did to me. I hate the way you treated me. I loved you so much. You took my love and just threw it back in my face.

 

You deserve what you get. I'm pretty sure your new gf won't be sticking around long. You destroy almost everything you touch.

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I got your email.. You say your pride is a BAD trait within you. I take it as your stubborn. You say sorry isn't good enough. I know that. I won't ever get the opportunity to prove I truly am sorry for hurting you. Go ahead and move on. I'll try to do the same although it will be tough. I gave you everything and anything you could want out of a relationship. It wasn't good enough for you to come back. Your a beautiful girl I'm sure you will meet someone worth your time along the way. I don't think I'll ever meet anyone who will take care and love me the way you did. You deserve the best out of life. I know your dad's proud of you. Hopefully your pride doesn't make you regret a decision you made. My love is true...

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I was just thinking about our relationship. I got very disgusted. I came to see you. I came to a city I did not know well at all. Because your car was not working, you wanted to leave me some place for 9 hours until my friend picked me up. Nine hours so you can think about how your car not working would effect your life. I didn't drive. I didn't know that city well and I would have been all alone with hardly any money and somehow you managed to blame me for all of that. When I tell the people here or my friends about you, I realize how sick you really are. You are sick. Only a sick man would want to leave their girlfriend somewhere for 9 hours in a city she didn't know. Only a sick man would get mad because he couldn't ditch her for 9 hours. Only a sick man would want me to be okay with you standing me up over and over again.

 

I knew you were weird, but I didn't realize how sick you are until this moment. I knew you were screwed up but I didn't realize how screwed up you were until this moment. You are sick and ridiculous and I pity any woman that gets mixed up with you. How your ex-wife survived 12 years of being married to you, I will never know. No wonder your ex gf before me implied that she could have you killed. You bring out the worse in everyone. You treat your gambler of a best friend like a superstar, but you treat your gf like something on the bottom of your shoe. I regret the day I ever met you. You said we were cursed. How dare you. I am not cursed. You are. You are sick and disgusting. You are so stupid and dysfunctional you can even be man enough to have any contact with your siblings, your poor mother or your sick father. You are disgusting and I hate you. I hate you. You are the most ridiculous person I have ever known. There is no honor in you.

 

You never appreciated me, at all. You just kept me around for sex. You deserved to be vomited on. You are the lowest form of life there is. You put yourself on a pedestal. You date that woman because she lives in the same city you do. What a wonderful criteria. I lived one hour away and you acted like I lived on the moon. You put effort into your job, your son and your stupid, ridiculous running. But your relationship? You just leave to chance. I'm sorry your parents were so distant, but that's your problem, not mine.

 

How did it feel to cut your mother off because she was begging you for money because she had no heat last year? How did it feel to cut your father off because he was so sick he could not recognize you? I can't wait until the day your illness gets WAY out of control and you call me up asking me for one of my kidneys. Oh gosh, I can't wait. I'm gonna slam that phone down so hard, it will make your ear drums rattle.

 

You really are the most disgusting form of life I have ever seen. I wish your parents had used a condom the night you were conceived. Oh well, it's too late now.

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G,

 

What can I do or say anymore. I just want to know why I deserve this from you.

What did I ever do that was so horrible that I don't even deserve to be acknowledged in your life as a friend.

I still lay in bed and cry before exhausting myself enough to finally sleep.

I still wonder what I could have said or done to make you want me again.

I still wonder if you really left me for someone else; I wonder if you're ever going to talk to me again.

 

What happened to you? How can someone change so rapidly in such a short amount of time?

How is it we went from being able to talk each other and feel the best of what love has to offer with the highest level of comfort you can feel with someone else..to struggling so hard through those emails, phone calls and texts after you left me with such poor, desperate attempt to get some sliver of what I'm feeling across to you with absolute failure each time. You don't see my pain at all, you don't care. You're so heartless and different from what I knew and loved; god it's frustrating beyond belief.

 

I pretend it's all okay when deep down inside I'm convinced I'll never love again, you're all I think about and I'm so damn sick of it.

 

If only I knew you at least missed me..something, anything.

I still don't understand what went wrong, how could you do this.

Why don't you want me anymore...why don't you love me.

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