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polywog

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D,

 

I never realized how irresponsible you were. I've heard so many negatives comments about you over the last month. I know longer know you. They sponsored you and you didn't pass the test. You have two more chances but your not even studying for it. You have a new g/f and I hear she is using you. OPEN YOUR EYES. They want your money and b/c you wear a uniform! I take care of the boys. You no longer ask about them, care about them. I'm alone now... I wish you the best but it's not looking to good:laugh:

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Really, as I sat here thinking about what I would like to say to my ex, one thing kept repeating over and over in my head, until i realized this sums it all up. It's the song "My Black Dahlia" by Hollywood Undead

 

I loved you, you made me, hate me. You gave me, hate see? It saved me and these tears are deadly. You feel that? I ripped that everytime you tried to steal that. You feel bad? You feel sad? I'm sorry...hell no **** that. It was my heart, it was my life, it was my start, it was your knife. This strife, it dies. This life and these lies. And these lungs have sung this song for too long. And it's true, i hurt too, remember I LOVED YOU.

 

I wish I could've quit you, I wish I never missed you, and told you that I loved you, everytime I f*cked you. The future that we both drew, and all the sh*t we've been through, obsessed with the thought of you, the pain just grew and grew. How could you do this to me, look at what I made for you. It never was enough and the world is what I gave to you. I used to be love struck, now i'm just f*cked up. Pull up my sleeves and see the pattern of my cuts.

 

 

 

Granted, it's not specifically about a "break-up" but still, it fits

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I wish so badly that I could talk to you.

 

I hate that you are such a baby!

 

I hate that you hurt me so much, I hate that I let you in, I hate that I trusted you, I hate that I was so happy, I hate that I'm so sad, I hate that I don't hate you, I hate that I want you to call, I hate that you don't, I hate that I said I don't think we should talk, I hate that you say you never loved anyone like you loved me, I hate that you made me want to hate you. I hate that I never want to see you again, but at the same time I want you here right now.

 

I hate that I miss you so ****ing much. I hate that you make me cry. I hate that I fell for you.

 

I hate that I want to talk to you. I hate that you think we shouldn't be together. I hate myself for loving you.

 

I hate that you don't try, I hate that I can't trust you, I hate that I can't just hate you and be over it.

 

I miss being with you.

 

I want to understand what happened. But maybe that wouldn't make it better. I just want to stop hurting, but I don't know what will get me there. I'm so confused because if I was hurting before you would have made it better, so I still kind of want to talk to you, but you are the one who hurt me so I can't talk to you.

 

When I picture you with someone else it makes me sick to my stomach. When I think that you don't love me it makes me want to cry. How can you be okay with this? Are you okay with this? Do you not care or are you not talking to me because I said it was best?

 

How can I want to hold you and punch you at the same time? What the hell is that about??

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"I wish so badly that I could talk to you.

 

I hate that you are such a baby!

 

I hate that you hurt me so much, I hate that I let you in, I hate that I trusted you, I hate that I was so happy, I hate that I'm so sad, I hate that I don't hate you, I hate that I want you to call, I hate that you don't, I hate that I said I don't think we should talk, I hate that you say you never loved anyone like you loved me, I hate that you made me want to hate you. I hate that I never want to see you again, but at the same time I want you here right now.

 

I hate that I miss you so ****ing much. I hate that you make me cry. I hate that I fell for you.

 

I hate that I want to talk to you. I hate that you think we shouldn't be together. I hate myself for loving you.

 

I hate that you don't try, I hate that I can't trust you, I hate that I can't just hate you and be over it.

 

I miss being with you.

 

I want to understand what happened. But maybe that wouldn't make it better. I just want to stop hurting, but I don't know what will get me there. I'm so confused because if I was hurting before you would have made it better, so I still kind of want to talk to you, but you are the one who hurt me so I can't talk to you.

 

When I picture you with someone else it makes me sick to my stomach. When I think that you don't love me it makes me want to cry. How can you be okay with this? Are you okay with this? Do you not care or are you not talking to me because I said it was best?

 

How can I want to hold you and punch you at the same time? What the hell is that about??"

 

i have the exact same feeling right now >_<

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im so sad. so ****ing sad. i cant believe you took away from me the only thing i loved in this world. your my best friend and i cant deal. i have sad thoughts now, i have thoughts of you loving someone else i wait for you to call me and it never happesn, i hate that you did this to me last year and i saw it coming and i still played it exactly the same.

 

i want to move on, but i imagine you at any moment realizing your mistake and calling me and asking me to try again and we do and its great.

 

im so ****ing sad. i cant get over this.

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Dear J,

 

Well I know that it must be hard coming home to a cold lonely house every night after being at work for so long.. sitting there and watching tv, and not having me there to sit and watch you snore.. I bet your bed is lonely not ever being used as you usually never made it that far. I know I never did anything for " you" but I hope your laundry folds it's self and the house cleans it's self. maybe the fish will even learn to feed it's self after all you are so busy working on the boat and going diving whenever you had a free moment. Ahh maybe you haven't noticed I am gone since you never paid attention to me anyway...

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Did you get my text message? I really need to know that you understand where Im coming from and willing to do this...let me know Thanks

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I miss you dearly, I wish you never kissed him, never felt the way you did, I wish we went to the same school, and you still loved me like you did when you were with me. It's unfair that you would change so quickly in 2 weeks and leave me. I love you and care about you but know i should not get back with you anytime soon. >_< I'm depressed and hoping to get out of it soon, keep being my friend, it helps me out a lot. Knowing that just because we're not together we can still lean on each other in hard times. Just don't complain about boys to me =.= I love you avoir.

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I can't believe that after all we shared, every intimacy, every smile, every moment, you can just carry on like I never existed in your life.

 

Don't you ever think of me? Miss me? Have you completely forgotten me already?

 

Part of me wishes and wills you to call me, tell me you made a huge mistake, that you love me, that you'll do anything to have back what we once had. I want you so bad some days it hurts. I long for you.

 

Then I think of how cruel you have been, how thoughtless, selfish. And then I feel stupid for still wanting you. I think how things would really of be if we got back together....

 

Most of all I just want to know that you think of me, that you miss me, that this is hard for you too. Please, please call me and tell me so...........

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I dont want to pretend everything is okay, I really want it to be okay between us. I want us to take this time to feel better...I hate arguing with you, its happening too much lately and I just want it all to stop, but Im already wondering if a break is really the solution.

 

Ive never done a break before...it seemed like it might be a good idea in theory..I mean, Ive heard of people doing it, but right now...it feels like the most insane thing Ive ever heard of! Waking up to find you didnt call, there was no message...and realizing this whole break things means there wont be calls and messages..that this is what its about...I feel like Im missing the point on how avoiding each other is a good thing for any relationship. That just sounds ridiculous!

 

I want to be able to see you, I want to be able to talk to you... I realize I need to do quite a few things on my own here, for my own self...just as you have quite a few things you are working on doing, but I dont get how going at it alone, without each other, not being able to share anything along the way is going to help either of us feel better.

 

Maybe I have the whole concept wrong....I hope I do, cause its making no sense to me.

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No dreams of you last night;I'm thankful. Its been 5 months since the first break up. The numbness, pain and uncertainty has retreated. My experience in this relationship has inspired me. It has helped tremendously with my English class essays. I guess I can say there has been a positive outcome from this. My emotions are mixed I'm not sure if I miss the affectionate or if I miss you as a person. Tears are shed occassionally.

 

I still hate how you call me for stupid reasons.

In the past week I've received 2 calls asking for directions to a club and another about the type of ipod to buy! Why do you continue to contact me? We have discussed this numerous times in the past. STOP CALLING ME. You like to play games!! Why don't we play this game- How long can you go without calling me!?

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After 4 and a half years of mental and physical abuse, you making me get rid of our babies and threatening to throw me down the stairs if i didnt do it, all the times you rubbed other women in my face, ignored my texts and took off out, went for months not sleeping with me because you said I was minging and ugly, making me take you presents because you spent all your wages on drink and buying you petrol when I needed some myself, all the times you told me not to see my mates and now tonight you have money and you take off not giving a **** that i've been ill and lost so much weight because of how you make me feel i need to say goodbye. Tonight you have shown me you will never change after everything you promised you are still the self centred egotistical bastard you always were and despite how much it hurts to tell you this because i still love you and still want the baby you promised me one day which you said would make better the ones you forced me to kill i realise you NEVER loved me. People might think im stupid ive been on the edge for so long. You know how to play me though but this time i told you once im gone ill never come back and all your laughter telling me you arent arsed because you know i will b there when you want wont change that. Find some other mug to run after you. The person I should be with is coming home soon and i am going to wait for him and embrace him instead of being ****ed up thinking ive failed because ill never get my babies back. YOU killed them, you did that to me. YOU strangled me, tried to put me through a window, chased me with a hammer got me sacked because I was full of bruises and I was too weak to fight for my job. The times youve poured piss over me because you say im worthless make me sit in silence because you say you dont do talking at all. YOU did that to me. You say im a psycho!! The guy who i loved is long gone, I didnt want you in the first place you chased me for years and for what?? to break me down why does it give you a kick to see me in so much pain??? Ive got an opportunity to go back to modelling and ive got a good job and am studying law and accountancy what do you have? nothing. You sit in your room most of the time on your fat arse thinking everything should come to you. Well no im not coming to you tomorrow when you've had your fun. i know you arent cheating because i know you cant sleep with anyone at the moment so do your worst. Even if you did manage it (doubtful) with that girl you keep trying to make me paranoid over she wouldnt put up with you for a second so have her!!! STOP trying to make me paranoid its not going to work anymore. YOU are the **** one and its about time I said goodbye and good riddance to bad rubbish. From today im going to get my health and my life back which you steal from me every day. find another mug to put up with that coz for once be shocked it wont be me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

GOODBYE darling and thankyou for making me realise with all the name calling and abuse I am actually far too good for you like all your mates tell me.

Least i have something to be grateful for xx

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im so sad. so ****ing sad. i cant believe you took away from me the only thing i loved in this world. your my best friend and i cant deal. i have sad thoughts now, i have thoughts of you loving someone else i wait for you to call me and it never happesn, i hate that you did this to me last year and i saw it coming and i still played it exactly the same.

 

i want to move on, but i imagine you at any moment realizing your mistake and calling me and asking me to try again and we do and its great.

 

im so ****ing sad. i cant get over this.

 

*I know this feeling too ive seen it coming for so long and I went back after I was promised it would be different. Its hardly ever different and not worth the risk. We are better than these people who move on and dont give a thought to how we feel. You will be ok, we will all be ok it just takes time and god do i wish i could fast forward to when i feel better and can function again. Take care much love xxx

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Well hello. Its friday the 11th. I was kinda dreading today. Its funny how what began as a joke, our "monthlyversary" hurts like hell. I had hoped i would hear from you today....hope is hard to kill.

 

I keep reading things that make me think of you. You know one of the things i dislike about you was your inability to see the silver lining. I know you had a rough time for a while, I tried to get you through it, and Im happy to see it worked. Today I saw this quote i wish i could have shared with you, even though right now you're on top of the world. I know how life is, and I know eventually you will hit a rough spot again. I just hope you remember what i told you and dont lose your faith. THe quote i wish i could have shared said "its not whether you can weather the storm, its wether you can learn to dance in the rain" Its funny how despite it all, i still want to take care of you.

 

In any case, I know you had a day off but you're probably busy with all the people you are meeting. I wonder if i even crossed your mind at all. Im glad to say Im meeting new people too, or rather letting myself get to know the people that have been around me for some time now. I think our relationship might have engulfed me so much that i didnt feel the need to meet anyone else. Silly girl.

 

I saw something else today that almost made me slip down misery lane. It was another quote about how wonderful it was when after having a bad day, you turn a corner and that smile changes everything. It made me think of how that was always so true with you. How many times I had so much fear, doubt and confusion but as soon as i saw your beautiful smile, all that melted away. I miss that. I dont really know how you managed to make me feel so loved, protected and cherished, for so long, and then all of a sudden, in a matter of days I became a burden, a complication. I dont think Ill ever understand that.

 

Last night i ended up in your profile. Reading about the coffee thing you posted. I wondered whether you did that for me, as you always joked about me being a coffee fien. I loved how you knew exactly how i liked it, those were the little details that will always kill me. In any case, i went through your pictures and saw the pictures of us. The pictures of your good bye party, of you hugging me, of when we went camping with your family. OF all the things I thought that weekend, of how we were discussing which Sinatra songs would make good first wedding dance songs, of how your aunts and uncles talked about our future wedding. So many many hopes all down the drain. All because you couldnt make up your mind and let me in.

 

In any case, I miss you still, regardless of what you might see in my postings. I am trying to be happy, to look at the positive side of life and being thankful for what i have. Still, you'll be a hard act to follow. I just wished we had reunited a few years down the road, when we both were in the right place. But i guess what you said when you asked me out that one time still holds true. We always have had bad timing.

 

I love you despite myself. I hope you're still happy and enjoying your new surroundings. You deserve it after going thru the hell you lived here. Even if i never see you again, and as i told you that one time we discussed what would happened when you had to leave, you will always be my standard. I hope I am your standard as well. DOnt ever let anyone treat you any less than I did.

 

I love you and wish you the best

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I was talking to B. cuz you know he's got stuff going on in his life. We were having a couple of beers and after discussing his issues we got onto other stuff. Religion, morals, everything. You know how i liked to discuss stuff.

 

Well half way thru I called him your name. I was so very very embarrased.

 

And so so so sad.

 

I miss you more than I can say. I miss talking to you, just being with you.

 

But i also know you're not good for me. As B said, your head is not right, you're brain is not in the right place.

 

Neither is mine. Im all over the place, missing you and then deciding im happy without you....well not really, not like i was with you. But i knew that wasnt gonna last. I told you.

 

In any case....i remembered when you told me you loved me so so much right before you left...how you told me I had no idea how much you loved me.

 

I wonder why you said that.

 

I wanted to believe you. i really did. I actually did for a little bit...but then 2 weeks later I heard less from you, you werent as happy as i thought u were when i came to see u.

 

I really wonder if i could have changed anything to help you love me like u wanted to. Like i needed you to.

 

I guess its all part of the passing through. of getting over you.

 

I know I will....somehow i will...

 

Its been a hard day. I thought about you all day....I hate you sometimes. I wish u had given up...i wish u had left me alone when I asked u to. What was the point to convince me, to chase me for three months....when in the end you would tell me u just couldnt love me. I hate you for that.

 

I hate being just another human. One more going through this break up thing. If you look it up you see it is all text book. All this feelings that seem so mine, so personal and so unique...they are just part of being a person. I wish it wasnt. I wish they were special, they were happening because its me and its you. But they arent. They are just stages, they are just normal things everyone goes through, they mean nothing. I can even tell you whats next....cuz right now Im in the "anger" stage...then comes the depression stage followed by acceptance....

 

Awesome huh? All this pain reduced to a formula....

 

But i guess thats what it means to be a human...nothing special. same ol' thing.

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J

 

Its been a long time. On this September night i feel the seasons changing. Its not as hot as it used to be and i feel the cool breeze blowing through my window. Inside of me i feel some changes as well... but not everything has changed. How are you J? How are you feeling on this September night? Well i guess i can try to answer that question myself. It seems you are in love. I read your myspace headline. Ive read many of the headlines you have written but none made me want to take this step of writing to you, until now... the two words you wrote... "te amo" Estas enamorado?? It looks that way. What happened J? What happened to us?? How did you move on so quickly?? Did i mean that little to you? I guess she makes you happy...she has done what i tried to do in four and a half years...she made you happy without trying. She did it in 3 months. I feel like that is due to the fact that you allowed her to. You should have let me do it. Its easy to make someone happy when you are happy yourself. Its easy to love someone when they treat you right. I guess you treat her right...why couldnt you put all that effort into us?? I know the love was there. I know you loved me. You know i loved you too. I proved it time and time again.... with actions not words. With tolerance i proved it, with forgiveness i proved it, with loyalty i proved it, I stood by your side when the sun was shining and i stood by you when it rained... Through thick and thin... Through the good times and the bad. When you were nice to me and when you were mean. I stood by you J. I was ready and willing to go till the end with you... ride or die for you. Your ride or die chick as they say. Pero no lo quisites asi. You should have told me the love was gone. It would have broken my heart TRUE..but you broke it anyway. Its hard for a woman to build fantasies in her head of marrying a man and building a family with him and then not have those dreams come true. My ring J...where is it?? Did you return it? Is it in the drawer of your computer desk?? I remember that ring.. You know that ring had 13 diamonds on it...my favorite number. I guess some things are not meant to be. Inside of me...i feel pain...we lost something...we both did. We lost what we had. I lost what i fought for all those years. Remember how i waited for you every summer..and always took you back...and what about this summer?? You found someone. Is she all you ever wanted in a woman?? Does she make you feel loved?? Didnt i do that for you?? Ya te olvidaste de mi?? How can you...you cant forget someone that loved you soo much. Todavia te amo J. Te lo dije una vez...que siempre te iva amar...and that i would never turn my back on you. I speak from the heart. These are just things that ive been wanting to tell you. I dont know if you hate me...you moved on J...and i will do the same. You know i never play dirty. I am trying to move on because you did it first. In my heart there was hope that you would come back soon and tell me that this time it was for real....that it was forever. Slowly i saw that you moved on and i guess hope is hard to kill because i kept hoping that you would remember the girl that went through hell with you and loved you wether you treated her right or not. I hoped...but tonight i see that at the beginning of this season in September.. you are in love. Estas enamorado.........<3 All i am left with is memories...so many memories...seems like a lifetime..of tears..laughter, fights and love. You and Zualie dancing in the car ;) My last good memory of us...we were laying on your bed..you were behind me and out of nowhere you hugged me tight and said "I LOVE YOU" I remember that because you hardly ever said it out of the blue like that. I will keep that memory and i hope you do too..in that moment we were happy ;) All i have ever wanted is your happiness and if she does it for you then i guess i got what i always wanted. Cuidate y tambien que Dios te cuide guerejo...hoy y siempre.

 

J

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How could you tell me that you cared for me, loved me, missed me. Then do all that **** to me. You broke my heart, I love you and hate you. Sometimes I wish you would be mine but I know you can't. Last night I had a dream that you wanted me back when you saw me after a play. I saw you and couldn't stop crying I wanted to be with you so badly. But knew deepdown you would still lie and cheat on me. You want to be free. But I really think you don't know what you want. I can't stand how we broke up. You couldn't stand up for our relationship and you couldn't just wait a week more until I got there. To see if it really worked. You gave up on me on us. I know you want to be free but then why would you hangout with only one guy. I wish I never responded to you im. It wasn't worth the pain at all. I don't know if we can even be friends. You betrayed me and lyed to me and believe it's ok. I just wish you couldve waited for me and worked with me to see if we would work. I never did anything wrong you told me. I was the perfect bf. Thenwhy would you leave me like this. In my time of need in a crucial point of my life. Maybe it is better this way. And maybe I'll thanks you one day. But for now I'm just going to have to love+despise you and survive the best I can. Avoir

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Text I wrote her last night while drunk (luckily I took her number off my phone):

 

I miss you so much. Why did you lie to me? I was so honest to you. Love to me, is real. I don't get it. How can you be so cold? What's WRONG with you? Never been so hurt...

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almost 2 years nc but i still remember.

thats cool, i'll forget soon.

 

you did me dirty and i took it, i thought you loved me.

 

in the end you were a whore. i still can't get pass that

 

in some odd way i think i blame myself.

i know what i did, you could of just left, but you stuck around for the money and you wanted to hurt me. i'm sorry.

 

i waited 1 year for you in our place but u never called or came back to texted or anything. i sometimes wish i did not come back for you.

 

you hurt me allot... good job baby girl, hope your happy and got what you wanted. its cool i don't hate you anymore...

 

thats the way the cookie crumbles huh

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You came within inches of losing your life at the crosswalk when that car almost hit you.

 

I held you for hours that night, I was shaking. I was really messed up over it.

 

 

Meanwhile you were already seeing someone else behind my back. As I held you in bed that night, you were thinking of your new life, him, and had a plan in motion.

 

I wish I never wasted that energy on you, it sickens me now.

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livingnightmare

I saved you from a home of abuse and no love, I was left with no choice but to defend you and went to jail for you and found out years later you cheated on me then! I lost a great job cause of this! I picked myself up you were having my child i didnt love you then but stayed and fell in love, you are the mother of my child I wanted to raise in my family! You mentally abused me for years and you dont even see it you blame everything on me, I find out u cheated on me went into despair broke my heals as a result of this and lost another good job! you couldnt even tell the truth for 4 months what happend I was at a low point then weak and fragile and you made it all about ur feelings I coudnt even walk couldnt go no where and dealt with this inside myself, you broke me down over 6 yrs peace by peace chipping away slowly I couldnt see it, nothing could break me at one point, look what you have turned me into! I pick myself up once again get another good job start working hard and saving to build our future together then u say u dont love me then u do then u dont u agreed to councilling and go and sleep with some guy you picked up in a club! You rub that in my face tell me stuff no one should ever be told you are cold heartless cruel I am the father of your child but that doesnt stop you inflicting misery on me! I burried your family members, u drove me into what I have become and blame me then blame me for being weak when i was, am stronger than you ever will know, you blame me for you sleeping with that guy?????? You ripped my lil girl away from me! When you realise what you have done because I do know you love me deep down but ur past problems you wont deal with mess u up dont ask 4 me it can never happen you lost the best thing ever to happen to you a family that loved you, you dont learn from your ways and refuse to look at yourself! You will never be happy I assure you, You have become like your mother sister the people who u detested there life styles you are now worse than them they settled down u went awol I have the evidence to prove you are an unfit mother! see u in court!

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What the ¥§∞¢∑ß happened to you? I really loved you and it was no joke and you could have had me for life after 5 years of being together. I can't understand why you became such a cheater and liar. I sincerely loved you, wanted the best for you and me, and god there is the biggest empty space where you were. You are pregnant already and probably will get married in the next 2 months I bet. Life goes on, but I wanted it to go on with you. How did things get so messed up? I don't think I will ever understand how I lost you. I am not perfect and you sure aren't either, but I genuinely thought you were a really honest and great person. What a joke. Nobody has ever fooled me so bad before or betrayed me that bad. Where did that great person go? ¶¥†®!! ¢£∞§†®!!! ß∂©¥†®´!!! ∑¢∞§¶!!! •ª¢£™¡œ∑!!! ®†¥ˆø!!! The string of obscenities goes on forever. I should be better by now. I hate you, I love you. Mostly I miss the good person being around and sex too if I am honest. Over forever. Still sucks. It is not a nice thought but I hope youget hurt this bad. You need a better sense of the damage that you do.

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I miss you boo.

 

I'm sorry I neglected you in the last few weeks of our relationship.

 

I'm sorry we're at different stages of our lives.

 

I'm sorry you were hurting, and all I could do was pretend everything was okay while I was doing my final exams.

 

I'm sorry you can't even look at me anymore.

 

I'm sorry I can't stop looking at you.

 

I'm sorry I'm being sorry.

 

I'm happy we ended things in a civil manner.

 

I'm happy we were together for an amazing year.

 

I hope you're over the grieving process now.

 

I hope you just forget me.

 

I want you to be happy.

 

I want me to be happy.

 

It sucks that the last two lines don't go together.

 

I hate thinking you're with someone new.

 

You were the reason I got up on my feet again after my first break-up.

 

Teenage relationships are so hard.

 

And it's painful thinking about all the hurt that others feel, particularly from the stories that are posted on this forum of divorce, long-term relationship breaks.

 

Makes me think that I have nothing to pine over, really.

 

I spent the last year of highschool with an amazing girl.

 

And it's time to start another stage of my life.

 

I miss you boo.

 

I'm hoping that we can meet up someday again when we've both grown up.

 

You're definitely not someone I want out of my life for good.

 

Byes. :o

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