Post here instead of contacting your ex!

[JaggedRoad]

I finally cried today, in the shower. The water slid down my back as my tears dropped from my eyes. My wailing was loud, but it was such a relief. Nearly two months I have kept in my sorrow. I feel better now, but there is still a long road ahead. I hope you well.

[wondering_girl]

how can you go upon your daily day knowing that you're doing this to me - shut me out in silence........? that's so disturbing, but i guess that's YOU. hey, at least my friends tell me how wonderful you are to them joking around and stuff. that's scary everyone thinks you're so "COOL" and then i look at your behavior and i'm just disturbed.

 

 

well, i hope you're ok, i still miss YOU.

[JaggedRoad]

I really want to talk to you, but I can't. I can't shake off what you said to me the first few days. You told me that it can still work, but you don't want to try. That hurts a lot.

[Phedre]

B,

 

Went and met with the divorce lawyer today; Oddest coincidence, she and her husband were married the same day and year as us. She told me this as if she were sharing in a shared favorite movie, not reinforcing that our marriage is over and hers is still sparkly like her diamond and growing like her very pegnant ('Due in just 6 weeks!') belly. I wanted to cry but couldn't, just laughed at the irony. That was where I thought I'd be now; happy, glowing, hand held lovingly over our first child growing inside of me. Wasn't it less than a month ago you told me 'When you are ready to have a baby just tell me hunny and we can start our family'? I guess it was just another lie, just another line to keep me going. Very similar to your lines about changing and your lies about never cheating again. As the lawyer and I were going over paperwork and temporary agreements for finances I found myself defending you to her several times and not wanting to do certain things, like have the court order you to give me the money you have given me every month since we got married to pay our joint bills. I didn't like this idea at all because I felt... dishonest, unloyal, like I was betraying you by not trusting you so much I have to have a judge sign monitary support and make it legal and official. Shouldn't the words just exchanged between us be enough, we trust and love each other still, so shouldn't what we decided be sufficent. I saw as much to the lawyer as I am passing in her office and she says she understands I don't want to hurt your feelings, but these things are in place becasue people do need them to make their spouse continue to provide money for bills until the divorce is settled. I brought up how you said you would still pay the bills and I even asked you about it again later just to make sure we ere on the same page so I told the lawyer fveritjoml

[4givrnt4gtr]

Oh angel im about to come to your city....

 

you used to be my angel. I truly believed you were. Noone ever treated me so well. And then you didnt....funny how our minds chose to remember and think what we want.

 

you didnt treat me all that well after all. I mean, talking about her with me, telling me that if it wasnt like your R with her it didnt feel real. ugh i wish i could really believe that. But when you talked about it I saw how much it hurt you, how confused you were, and mostly how scared. I felt so bad for you. i wished i could take it all away. I wished i could take all that and replace it with us, with how we were, with our laughter and our talks, and all that made me so happy.

 

I still think that if you werent dealing with all that we would have been so so so good together. You would have stayed. I know you would have...you thought about it but you feared I would leave you and you would be back where you started.

 

Or is it me rationalizing again

 

It doesnt matter, you're gone, even when Im gonna be literally within walking distance of you, you might as well be a million miles away. It doesnt matter.

 

What am I gonna do when Im there.... Im so scared. I miss you so much that i wish i hated you.

 

Today I remember how you told me about how you knew the type of car i drove when we met 4 years ago. How you used to think about how we were car buddies since we drove the same make of car. I didnt tell you then but i thought it was a bit stalkerish, given that you were nowhere in my radar. Sure i met you, but you never ever crossed my mind back then.

 

Look at me now.

 

I then thought about how when I mentioned a picture of us that i dont remember taking years before we started dating (as i was probably drunk). You asked me if it was one taken at a certain party. I thought about it and though it wasnt that party i was refering to, i remember that night and I was definitely not drunk, and most importantly I was not even aware you were at that party. But apparently you did notice me, as you described how I was sitting here and there and talking to so and so. It amazed me how much attention you paid to me back then, even though you were with her still. And yet, when you were with me, you thought about her....how confused are you child???

 

sigh

 

but who cares right? you finally had me, made me fall in love with you, and left me when you didnt need me anymore. Scratch that itch didnt you?

 

In any case, just wished I could tell you im coming up. Im gonna be there at 10pm and Ill be staying til saturday.

 

But dont worry....I wont take up any of your precious time. This time Its gonna be me, and the city, and finding if I can find a place there for me too. Your precious bay.

[JaggedRoad]

I'm doing what we both always wanted me to do--writing a novel about our relationship. It's a shame that I'm writing it when everything is over, but hey, it's something productive. I missed you a lot today.

[angelface78]

Hey J,

 

hows it going? Youre probably getting ready to go out tonight arent you? Probably went to get your haircut after work. Ready to see her tonight?? I dont understand you?? Why are you with her? Shes not what you like!! Your sis text messaged me today. She told me that she misses me and that your parents miss me too. She said you have not taken her to the house yet because your parents dont like her. She said your dad told you you were an idiot for losing me. I always did like your dad..lol!! But well youre not your parents..you make your own decisions. Youre with her and will probably stay with her. I bet youre happy now that you heard my voice huh? I basically gave you the green light to go ahead with her when i called you. I felt that you are still in love with me. Your voice was cracking...but i guess i am in denial. Im going to try to move on as best as i can. I have anxiety attacks all the time because of you. Meanwhile you are living it up with some other chick!! I hate you sometimes..i hate myself for falling for you.

[Maoky]

I hugged you yesterday after graduation. I felt nothing but I still miss your company. I wonder if we're ready to be friends again - but I don't think I could stand the idea of you with another guy.

[Nikki Sahagin]

I really miss you lately.

 

I miss the warmth of your arms.

I miss the sound of your voice.

I miss the way we cuddled each other.

I miss your smell, which I can still remember, almost as though somehow the smell is stored in my mind.

I remember just lying next to you in the morning and smelling you and I always just loved the way you smelt. Even when we went camping for 3 days. Its like nothing could ever put me off of you. Just everything about you, I loved and wanted.

 

Its getting cold and now. Its Autumn. And I miss having your way body to cuddle up to. I miss having your hand to hold. I hate knowing that in the cold, you aren't with me. And I feel really lonely. I don't know why you let us go. Did you think there is better? Because you say you still me and our connection is so unique and what we've been through is so different. I was your first kiss. You'll never be the first kiss to any other girl.

 

I thought I was more special and important to you. Like you are to me. You always said I was so special to you, like 'your discovery' and you used to draw me pictures of me in a locket or a ring and you wearing it. Why did you let us go? I wish I could shake some sense into you. Its like a quarter life crisis. What were you thinking/feeling? Why doesn't it make sense to me? Only you? Why can't we be together? Why can't you just see me and feel what you felt before and never let me go? And forget about logic and pride and stubborness and 'what's right' and FEEL that WE are right and we can get through anything. 5 months on and I still am not falling out of love. I'm learning to not cope with you, but the love isn't going. And sometimes I wonder if it ever will. I can't let go of this feeling, I wish I could. Maybe i'm not letting it go no matter what I do because I know its meant to be. Maybe thats romantic nonsense.

 

But god thats what I felt in your arms My fairytale. Please don't end it. No other guy is you

[Nikki Sahagin]

I think its funny how you always used to call me a flirt....when you are a MASSIVE flirt.

 

Denial?

Projection?

[playlislay]

Ive been doing so well without you. I really was moving on, not thinking about you at all, looking forward to what the future holds.

 

But I have relapsed. I funking miss you dude. I hate myself for it, but I cant help but miss you. I really do.

 

The first 6 months were absolute hell. The next three months were bliss, I had moved on. Yes, I thought about you but I didnt want you back. The 'I miss my Christopher' had stopped and I was no longer counting how many months we had been apart. I was doing so bloody well!!!!! Argh!!!! And now look at me. Im reduced to tears again. Pathetic!

 

I was in tears over you last week. Last night I cuddled up with the dog and got this bizarre wave of emotions (not towards the dog!!! lol!) of how I felt when I was with you. So strong. It cut me. Maybe thats why I woke up in an emotional mess over you.

 

I suppose it just proves how much I loved you, and in a way, how much I still do.

 

Anyways, I honestly hope that you and the family are well. Good luck with teaching and WORK HARD!! C'mon warrior, you can do it!!!

[sugahoney]

I hate that i feel like this. I obviously didnt mean anything to you that you think about getting back with someone who you argue with so much. I guess I was the last one to know that you were getting serious with her again, i feel like such an idiot, hoping that you would realize that we could be great together but I guess not. you told me you dont hear me at all anymore but it was only 2 days that we didnt talk to each other and it's funny that in those 2 days you couldnt be bothered to contact me. I wonder if you have noticed that I havent initiated any contact with you for a while now and it's always you doing the contacting. I am so sorry we are on vacation together this week, I will try my hardest not to have any contact with you this week. I dont want to hold on to what I have imagined that we are anymore cause its all in my imagination.

 

I am tired of being the cool girl who doesnt cause any friction, taking the scraps of attention you throw my way and being fine with it. That will not happen anymore, if you want to be friends with me you will have to work hard for it.

 

I am so tempted to send an anonymous email to your gf to tell her about some of the times when she has called you and you were with me and to tell her that she is right to think I am a threat because you wont let me go, but what sense would that make, that would only prove that I am an idiot for letting you remain in my life know that they are getting back together.

 

I need the strenght to let go of you for good, I am tired of holding on to someone who does not care about me.

[Phedre]

Sundays are the worst. I wonder what you are doing, what you are thinking, how you are feeling. I want to curl up on the couch with you and waste the day watching movies todather like we always used to do on Sundays. I want to feel your arms wrapped around me, feel you kiss my forehead and hear you tell me you love me. I feel incredibly lonely. I miss my husband. I miss my life, our life. But you are prefectly fine without me. I miss what I thought we had. I miss who I thought you were. I just miss, I just ache. Part of me wants to make you feel like I do, make you exerience the depth of my pain, but I know I wouldn't even if I could because I love you too much to make you feel this way.

[Jmina]

I Thought maybe, if the contact was too hard, you couldve at least said that, said that you made a mistake, or that you cant do it, or whatever, but you had to disapear again.

 

like a coward.

 

i will never ever understand you... why did you want to talk to me i guess you wanted to but hoped you would be okay with it, when you werent.

 

i just wish you couldve apologised before you left rather than disappearing.

ergh

 

 

 

i am still holding on. i am meant to be saying no.

 

i decided that if you were to come back again, i would say no.

 

but if i am STILL talking about you now, would i say no???? god

 

what a headcase.

 

i hate you. god i hate your selfish, cowardly acts.

i hate your pretentious deminer, how you always have to have the last say, the last action, the power.

i hate that you spy on me but never have the guts to either **** off, or actually say something to me than always talking through my best friend.

 

this breakup has completely changed to something so toxic. all i wanted was you.

 

now all i want is you to **** off. which youve done.... and i'm angry that you didnt explain why.

 

im angry at myself for being so nice to you when your like a poison.

 

i wanted to give you that second chance. you took it, but regretted it.

 

(my dog is snoring so loud right now, he sounds like a train)

 

i duno why i wont let it go.

 

Just let it go. let her go, good riddence, good luck, good god your gone!

 

i want to travel...and write and live like Vienne in Chocolate..

[Maoky]

I miss your cute awkward smile.

 

And I wish the person who knows who I am on this forum would go away

[DustySaltus]

I went out on a date last night but all I thought about was you. I think about you and I sitting on the beach in Israel watching the sun set. I didn't always appreciate those moments like I should have. If it wasn't for the job situation over there, I could've saw us living over there if you learned to let you trust issues go. I even had an idea of opening up a little tropical type bar along the beach and it becoming a real hot spot out there. We would be making money and not have to worry about anything.

 

It's been three months now. We've spoken since then, but mostly argued. I poured my heart out to you a few times but for the most part you seem to think that you can't ever trust me. Even after I explained everything to you about moving to another country and trying to adjust, you wouldn't believe me. This is the stupidest part. I can understand if you just didn't love me anymore but that wasn't the case. You let your borderline personality get in the way. That's what gets me so upset. You think that I did things with intent and then you try to get me fired from my job and won't give me the ring back. I wanted that ring on your finger but i'm sure it's in a box somewhere in the closet along with the 3 foot collage of pictures I made of us in happier times.

 

Now I have citizenship to a country I probably will NEVER set foot in again. I mean if any one document can show how serious I was about us.......

 

I find myself being angry about this more often then not. It's affecting my work and relationship with my family. I know I'm reaching my point of closing the door on us because I know the apology from you is never going to come. Once that door is closed, it's sealed for me. But I just keep putting off the day like some potential doomsday. I check my phone and email thinking that today will be the day, but the day comes and goes. Then on other days I ask myself why I would ever want to be with a woman like you. You check my phone, emails, threaten my career, say bad things about my family, don't respond to me when I tell you I need you because of a dying relative............that's not true love. I mean come on we were engaged. We should've been able to get through anything. I never cheated on you, you just quit on me and it still hurts.

[xxSRMxx]

Its been a good two months now, the last time we saw each other we had a row. Ive been pretty dam proud of myself, My heart doesnt ache anymore like it used too, I know your seeing a new girl and i dont cry nemore etc. Im rly happy in my new job, ive met loadsa cool new people, some of them id love u 2 have met, Today sorta got me thinking, for the first time i wanted to call u, I kept thinking how much of a shame it was that we didnt just STAY friends, cus as a friend your the best, anything more, your a useless heartbreaker and u know that. Is the new girl like me? I know she certainly isnt in looks were total opposites, i guess ur happy tho yeah? Your brother added me on facebook yesterday, i fink thats whats stirred memories of u, i always liked ur bro he made me laugh.

 

neways i feel better for writing this on here, texting or calling u will never be an option, cus no matta how much i miss the thought of us being friends again etc, i also remember the horrible way u treated me, and how you made me feel like the most insignifcant person ever, and for that. You dont deserve the satisfaction of knowing i occasionally do think of you.

[4givrnt4gtr]

I slipped and fell on my face today. I realize how impossible it is for me to even THINK about being with anyone else. That has NEVER happened EVER in my life.

 

That scared the living sh*t out me.

 

Why did you come into my life? I didnt need you. I didnt need this. I didnt need not being able to imagine being with anyone else.

 

It physically hurts to miss you like this. I miss you so much that it makes me hate you. I thought i was over the worst of it... i thought i had come to accept that you just cant be what i need you to be. But I guess that doesnt mean I dont wish you could.

 

I guess you were right when you quoted that song....you got all the tickets but I got stuck owing the fines.

 

Your text yesterday made me happy, at least content. I felt hope that at least 9 months werent wasted. I was kinda confused that you wanted to give me the "happy" face. I guess you dont know I can see your page since i deleted you. Im sorry your hurting, but it frustrates me as hell. Why are you doing this to us....why are you breaking my heart and yours in the process...who does that???

I wish I was stronger than this.....maybe i will be. For now all I want is you.

[blinded]

You are not the person I thought you were.

 

What happened to, "I'll never do anything to hurt you?" Did you forget that?Everything you've said or have done was all a lie. You don't need to text me from an unknown number to tell me to 'stop bothering' you. I merely asked an honest question. Man up and tell me yourself you chicken-*****. In fact, silence would've been more mature than what you've done. You played a big boy game, but can't deal w/the consequences.

 

I can't believe I wasted my life because I liked the view and ignored the stench you were dishing out.

[NSW768]

These last couple of days things have really turned toxic. We both love each other but right now I don't know if we can stand each other. We are in different places. I am sorry for the things I said the other day, they are untrue.

 

I don't know if we can come back. I pray we do, but then I think what if this is all for the better. I know I haven't given you any space. I understand this, and I realize I might not ever talk to you again also. I think about how i will never see you again and i get so sad. I understand though how i acted prevents you from coming back to me. all i can give you is time and hope your mind changes although i doubt it will.

 

Im so hurt and lost. I want you back so bad. But you don't want me. I don't get to have your love. We don't always get everything we want and I have to accept that.

[Butterfly01]

It's been a while since I posted here. I guess with your birthday coming up next week, it's brought back a lot of memories and feelings.

 

I still think about you every day, sometimes for a second, sometimes for a very long time. But, as much as I never thought it would happen, I'm starting to forget the little things -- the way you smell when you walk out of the shower, the sound of your breathing when you sleep. I thought these things would always be fresh in my mind.

 

I'm finally starting to heal -- and you know what? It scares me. The thought of living my life without you, absolutely terrifies me. But, I'm doing it -- and I'm stronger than I gave myself credit for.

 

When you told me you were engaged, I hit the lowest point of my life. I didn't think anything could hurt worse than you leaving -- I was wrong. You moving on so quickly hurt beyond belief. And everyone telling me that time heals all wounds made me want to scream -- but -- they were right -- it does. And now I am making a new life for myself -- I am actually looking forward to things again -- I'm reconnecting with old friends that I abandoned when we were together -- I am smiling and laughing again.

 

And I guess the biggest surprise of all is that, even though I do still love you, there is a tiny part of my heart that knows you are happy and I need to let you go. It may not happen soon, but the fact that I know it's there gives me a glimmer of hope.

 

Happy Birthday -- with all my love.

[lost_one_01]

J...I hate you so much! Few months ago you contacted me...again...and went right back to your selfish routine Once again I was at fault...amazing how you are always innocent in everything. Always your mom's, sister's, friends, co-workers etc fault. Hell even your nieces want nothing to do with you. I see why now...you are just a selfish little girl...you are 45 and need to grow the hell up. Stop acting like a 10 year old.

 

Why all the head games? Do you find it fun? You are a major head case to get enjoyment out of this. I realize now you never loved me or cared like you said so many times. You have no idea what love is...you said you would do what ever it takes...yeah you did all the taking alright. You may be beautiful on the outside but your insides are nothing but a rotting carcass. Had a feeling over weekend you have another bf....how many does this make now? Sure enough I had to look...wonder if he knows what other site you are on and still listed as single. I am so temtpted to warn him about you...but I won't...let him find out like I have and all the others. This would show that I care...which I don't. It stung a little...but then I know all your dirty secrets so it fits you so well.

 

I wish you never ever came into my life...I did not need this upheaval....what a waste of three years. I would have done anything for you because I loved you with all I had. But that would have never been enough because even though you said you wanted the samething as me you didn't. You get bored...guess being loved and cared about is a pretty crappy thing to have to put up with. Of course being the cheap whore you are how else could it turn out?

 

I hate you with all my being...I hate myself for loving and caring about you with all my heart and soul. You took away all the trust I had for others..made me feel like I was such a bad person. I am not perfect...but I never ever lied to you...to bad that is all you ever did to me. You have a gift for turning things around, when it wasn't going your way I would get I owe you no answers. Funny all the things you accused me of is what you did yourself. Is it denial or projection on your part? You made up some of the sickest lies...guess that is better than facing the truth. You can't handle that...all your lies and bs stories would come crashing down around you.

 

I hate you...always will...for the rest of my life. You are nothing but what one of my friends called you, an emotional vampire. Suck the love and life out of a person then move on to next victim. I wish that you will never have love or good in your life. You do not deserve it after what you have put others through. I hope someone hurts you 10 times worse then you have hurt me...then you will get a taste of what that is like. Other thing is get out of my head...I hate this connection we have yet. Don't you dare text me...you will regret it.

 

All there is left to say is I hope you rot in hell you stinking bitch..**** off and die.

[caseymw25]

a 6 year relationship and a baby to! and you dont have the balls to break up with me to my face but over the phone, im not dumb i can see we could have worked it out! if you really did love me and you say "unfortunatley you still are in love with me" how mean that is... and you dont want to be in a relationship right now with noone. i can see she is what you really want the thrill of chasing after her. and the pathetic thought of me falling at your feet every time you call or something. what am i thinking. i deserve better. i know that but i wish i had never fallen for you so hard, yes we had our problems before we broke up but you being a man and saying you love me you could have worked it out, but its obvious from the phone bills that you wanted her. and lied to her, took her to the movies, dinner, lunch i dont care what other lies you tell me. atleast i know now you are a bold face liar. why am i still having sex with you? why the hell do i still love your sorry ass? i wish i could turn around say im fing done and not look back, but i cant. i love us and i want my family back. im so broken its pathetic. im so low is ugh. 2 months now. 2. and im so close to your family. and i understand you have issues to. but im not your other babys mother! you see that. but still you take advantage of me cause you know you can, you see im a doormat to you. i have got to stop that for myself. and your right maybe if it was meant to be then we will be back. i have got to work on myself. i thought you brought me stress in our relationship. and at one point you said you were obsessed with me?!! that was only a few months ago. and now your gone. free. to F whoever you please. i regret last night. i lost my best friend. JC your a Fing *******!!!!!!!!!!! and i have to force our child on you. ass!!!!!!! i hope you have fun with that whore, decide what you want. maybe ill be there and maybe i wont. you say the same. remember 04 till the end? and you said maybe this is the end! that TORE ME TO PIECES! over a stupid slut who walked into your life. 6 years gone? why couldnt you just be adult and work on it?

[JaggedRoad]

I thought I was going to be okay on Monday, but I've been really overwhelmed these two days. I'm trying my best to let the past be the past and forgive, but it's hard. I've never actually forgiven anyone before.

 

I don't know what to do. I've been fighting against the urge to contact you, but it's really hard. I want to say that I miss you, but I don't know what there is to miss anymore. You're no longer the person I thought I knew.

 

I want to ask you if you can give us another try even though you already told me that you're too tired. I'm not sure if I really want to try again. I think it's just me trying to find an easy way out of this emotional turmoil. It's hard for me to forgive because it seemed so easy for you to let go of us. But what is there for me to do? I feel like the only option that I have is to forgive. This makes me feel weak. I don't like feeling weak.

[angelface78]

J,

 

Its abourt 3.5 months since we broke up! Geez it seems like longer. Well i guess you really do like that girl. Im going to get out of your life altogether!! You wont be hearing from me again. NC from now on. You emailed me saying that youre ok right now. Well J i hope things work out for you. Me i have met a wonderful man...hes everything ive ever wanted in a man...AND MORE He helps me soo much. However because of you i sometimes am mean and push him away. Its not right. If you could only see how he is with me. He takes care of me not like you. I always had to take care of you and myself. He talks and listens.. unlike you. You did neither. I hope things work out for you...hope she treats you as well as you say. When **** starts to get hard and deep i hope shes down for you like i was. I hope shes ready for your attitude. When she starts asking for **** dont be surprised. I told you all women have needs..im not the only one. Maybe her needs wont be emotional or she might not need mental stimulation with interesting conversation the way i did...but she will need your money since she doesnt have much, she will need rides since she has no car, your help.. since she has a son. Patience since she has no high school diploma. Wow....look at you...you chose well. You can meet all those needs. Mine run a little deeper...you are incapacitated with me. I make my own money and buy my own ****. I drive myself around.. dont need a driver. My needs were emotional. Just affection and respect. For you those things are hard. You like easy. Im not easy...i never will be.

Edited October 8, 2009 by angelface78