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polywog

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What shall i do to push you out of my mind? It's clear that you don't love me. I can't suffer all this.

 

It is just me, it is just me, and i'm trapping myself in. I should say, ok, i don't give a ****; and move on.

 

But i can't and i'm still here thinking to you. This is not love, is lack of self confidence.

 

Every day i manage not to write you, is a day more i have put my pride in front of my weakness. This is good.

 

BUT, every day like this, is a day of pure torture. I'm not able to do anything without thinking of you.

 

I'm going mad.

 

Holy hell.

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These last couple of days things have really turned toxic. We both love each other but right now I don't know if we can stand each other. We are in different places. I am sorry for the things I said the other day, they are untrue.

 

I don't know if we can come back. I pray we do, but then I think what if this is all for the better. I know I haven't given you any space. I understand this, and I realize I might not ever talk to you again also. I think about how i will never see you again and i get so sad. I understand though how i acted prevents you from coming back to me. all i can give you is time and hope your mind changes although i doubt it will.

 

this is what i wrote you yesterday^. but this is what i wrote you today. im moving on...have a good life.

 

I'm sitting around at work thinking about you. I'm not pinning or longing to see you, I'm simply trying to get into your head.

 

You see i know you. I probably know you better then any one else in this world.

 

So here is the way I see it.

 

Your scared. You took the best thing in your life and threw it away because you're scared and immature. Your not happy right now, your faking it if you say you are.

 

I find it hilarious that a couple of phone calls ended it. And don't say it was the couple of phone calls because it was. Every time i saw you, we were happy together. But because too many texts and calls you have to end this. How bout you don't pick up your phone if you feel so "smothered"? You say you need to be selfish right now, but you've always been selfish. Name one thing you have done for me in the last 6 months that doesn't concern buying something.

 

You can't .

 

Its sad that I wasted so many hours thinking of you and thinking of stuff to do for you. How many hours I wasted talking about you to other people.

 

You're just a really horrible person.

 

All my friends and family told me to leave you last year when you treated me like a doormat and I stuck around. You say you need to spend time with your family and on your "career" but those things aren't going anywhere and I never took you away from them. They will be there tomorrow and 6 months from now and the rest of your life. Your selfish in that you need to please everyone and I was the only thing disposable to you. You could never say no to your family or your job, but with me I let it be to easy. I took it and begged just to see you. Man, I couldn't be more off. I hate you and regret every second I sat and though of a future with you. Every hug and every kiss was worthless. My time would've been better spent DOIN ****ING ANYTHING ELSE.

 

I should have left you so long ago.

 

I don't miss you, but I do miss believing you were the one for me. It's so sad to waste all those emotions on you. The last 3 years weren't the best of my life. The best years of my life are yet to come, when I find a person who won't cheat and try to rationalize it, when i find a person that can handle themselves like an adult and not have an immature I need to be independent epiphany every 7 months.

 

When i met you, you were a mess. You were a pill-popping, leg cutting, shrink seeing little girl. If anything changed in this relationship It was and will always be you. I stayed the same throughout, always loving you and caring for you no matter what.

 

Throughout this I've realized that the only reason I stayed around with you was for the sex. Thats why I drove up there, thats why I bought you dinner. The next guy will do it for you the same way too. You think you have this great personality or anything. Your an evil manipulatative bitch with a nice figure. You'll go far in this world but you will never be happy.

 

I wont call you ever again. I've put into my mind to never think of you again. To forget I ever even knew you.

 

Karma is a bitch and when things come around, and I'm sure they will, you will be the one in pain and pinning and realizing you let go of the best thing to ever happen to you.

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I'm glad I deleted and blocked you on MSN and severed most forms of contact with you or else I would be making a mess of things again today.

 

I'm starting to think that this may not be healthy at all--to pretend that I'm communicating with you.

 

What am I to do when my head is filled with thoughts about you? It's just really too much for me. I want to call you and tell you that I won't be talking to you anymore because I disappeared without saying anything. It seems rude to me, but I think I have the right to do it when you decided to end our relationship. But it still bothers me.

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trueblue72ny

never thought id be feeling like this. after all this time i really feel myself letting go. i am sad but happy about that. i hung in there. but you just wont get up off your a$$. not sure why you keep coming back around. not sure why i kept saying yes. guess i really did feel something for you. for a long time i didnt feel strong enough to ignore you. but right now, ya i feel strong enough to do that. i just think what do you have to offer me??? not much. you go ahead and stay living with your kids father like a dummy. because its convenient or whatever lame excuse it is you use these days. keep teaching your daughter to lie about it. keep on keeping everyone and everything seperate from each other. you are getting more paranoid as you grow older because its getting harder to keep track of all your lies. and you are probably right, she will probably run away when she gets older because your daughter knows what you fail to seem to want to recognize. you are living a lie. i offered you are way out of that rut you are in. you can get out of the trailer park you are in, and into a real house in your daughters own school district. you dont have to live a lie anymore. but i think you are so used to it you dont feel comfortable living any other way at this point.

 

i dont want to be there for you the next time your world is falling apart. i want you to know what it feels like to not have someone there for you. just like you do to me. you put zero effort in to make me feel like i can trust you. & now i dont. i know i will see you around at work. i wont be rude if we are walking down the same hallway. i just dont plan on initiating contact with you any longer. i dont want to respond to your stupid lame emails anymore. i want to move on with someone new. so go ahead, you can have your cake and eat it too with your situation. you can stay living with him, and then go out and see your boyfriends. i hope you are able to find someone else who will put up with it. i realize now that i was way more tolerant of you and your situation than any normal self respecting person would be. i do wish you luck in the future. and i hope you do find happiness someday. personally, i am really beginning to think you shoudl just stay with your daughters father and just work it out with him. you two seem like you are meant for each other. im not bitter, im not mad, im just feleing indifferent these days. good luck to you girl!

Edited by trueblue72ny
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I never have been so angry. I am so angry with you and at myself. How pathetic I am to miss you and still love you after all the **** you put me through. I wish I could be so cold and calculating as you...to not even care. Wish I had that in me sometimes...come along...do the damage and walk away never looking back. Never have it bother me..wonder how you can be so ****ed up in your wiring. I hate the fact there is a connection...over 2 months of NC and yet I knew you are on to your latest victim....I prayed for that connection to you to be severed and it isn't. Yes I looked but I knew for several days...I could sense it...I can only hope you sense how much I despise you at this very moment J! I should have gave up on us long ago...more than once you said you were damaged goods. But stupid me had to hang on because I wanted to show you that I so wanted to have a future with you. Guess you got a huge ego boost out of that...you gave up so easy and could not even tell me you wanted out. Knows it will be awhile till I am back to myself...I can't even stomach thought of having to try and meet someone else. You still have my heart...sad as that is...but then I have feelings I can't turn on and off like you. I just want all this hurt and pain to be gone:( I hope I see reason that I had to go through this with you...I so did not deserve it.

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hopesndreams

Hi P,

 

You are completely out of my system now. You want to come see me this Wednesday but no way in effin hell will you ever see me again. You are the most selfish man on this planet and as dumb as a box of hair. Stop emailing me you dumba**. We are done. Over. Go enjoy life with your cheating wh*re and leave me alone.

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I just finished working out and im feeling great!!! Sorry J... i have not cried for you today.:) Im working out...doing the Kim Kardashian workout...lol!! For the booty..lol....NOT YOUR BOOTY ANYMORE..LOL!! hahhaah...now you have your girl with the pancake ass..lol!!! Yeah im doing good today...gonna enjoy it. I dont know J you are a damm fool...how did you lose me??? You had a good woman...independent...smart..good figure...hard working...caring..loving...and that loved you sooo much!! YOURE AN IDIOT!!! Remember when you used to say that to me...that i was an idiot...no sir...YOU ARE THE IDIOT!! lol!! Goodnite!!:bunny:

Edited by angelface78
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N,

 

I hate you. No-- scratch that. I love you, but I hated the way you made me feel. There were times when I KNEW abso-f*cking-lutely that we were gonna work out, get married, and have lots of kids together. You really seemed like you wanted that too. With me. You told me things that I thought that you had told only me, but I suspect that it was just "your line" that you use to get women to fall for you. You came to me like a lost soul, looking for the right woman to settle down with. I wanted to be that woman. I feel like I was that woman. I did everything you asked of me, at the cost of my own self-worth, but I thought that you needed a woman that will do anything for you. You told me none of your other exes ever did those things for you. I wanted to show you that my love was unconditional. Stupid me.

 

You did nothing remotely close to that for me. Sure, physically we were good, but that only gets you so far. Your constant demands, you always telling me that what I was doing wasn't good enough. I quit talking to friends for you, because of your insecurities. GOOD friends. That's what you wanted, to alienate me, wasn't it? Just because you don't have friends doesn't mean that this social butterfly has to be without my friends and family. For that matter, why don't you have any friends?

 

All your exes, I'm starting to see why you broke up with them........they acted just like I did. You're incapable of real love. You can't put all your dependance on one person, and then expect them to carry you and all your emotions by themselves, then get mad at them when they fail to carry all of that. I heard "You sound just like my ex" so many times, I thought I would scream. Do you think that if more than one ex said that, that it might be time to look AT YOURSELF????

 

Anyways, I'm ready to be over you. I was good to you, despite what you may think. I supported you, even though you said I didn't. I cheered you on during your hard times. You don't remember any of that, do you? To you, it was a given that I should be that way, because you are N The Great!

I will miss the good times. I hope one day you'll see that we were good together once, and when you're with your chick, that you'll think of me. I'll be gone, of course, happy with the man I deserve to be with.

 

Good riddance,

--T

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Today was my birthday. Another year older, soon to be divorced, nothing to show but a broken and jaded heart. Can't get the picture out of my mind of when I read the emails you sent to her and how when I clicked back out of the message to the main screen I saw the date on the email. Yep a year ago today. You were talking to your girlfriend while wishing your wife a happy birthday. I can't even find words for how horrible of a thing that was for you to do. And now you've got some new girl going. Too bad we are still on the same phone bill and when our minutes go over I have to go see why.. oh, because you are spending HOURS at a time talking to this girl. Oh I know you will pay the bill. That isn't even the point. It hurts that you weren't willing to put effort in to our marriage, to fix issues you admitted you had and wanted to change... you just don't know when you will want to change them. But yet you are willing to put effort in to this new whatever it is? You don't even like talking on the phone! But I know, I know, it is different when you are playing your game, laying the foundation to be able to maipulate the poor girl however you want, that is the fun part for you, it doesn't seem like effort.. nothing at all like the effort required to fix your mistakes and honor your marriage vows. Nope the chasing part is fun, it is after you catch them that it all becomes 'effort'. You called to tell me Happy Birthday - I knew I would hurt either way so it didn't matter. I don't really miss you B. I miss who I thought we were, who I thougth you were. I miss our shared goals and dreams. I miss the fantasy that was in no way close to our reality. Don't know how I let myself be so blind. You pulled the utltimate 'good one' on me. But I am forcing my eyes open, forcing myself to see. One day real soon you will have to hold whatsoever over me.

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And another thing--

 

Why is it bad to want someone to succeed? To want someone to be stable, financially, and in their job. Why would you not want that for yourself? That's just practical, in my opinion. Of course I can't help you if you don't help yourself. I keep waking up early again. I think what I miss is the physical part of you. I miss you holding me, kissing me, all that. You've said some really wonderful things to me during our time together. I have to wonder, was it true? Probably not. You said I was your soulmate. If that was so........how could you just boot me out like that? I'm sure you're saying that to someone else now. That hurts. I know you don't care, or at least don't wanna act like you care. I'm not even sure if you know how much you were in the wrong in this relationship. Oh, trust me, I'm not perfect, either, but at least I was honest with you from the beginning. I never pretended with you. You got all of me, good and bad, and I expected the same in return. Unconditional love accepts me the way I am, and wouldn't try to change me, like you did. I accepted everything about you, always thinking it would get better. But I can only take so much emotional abuse until I fall. It hurts me to think of you being happy with someone else, but maybe in time you will be. I did love you, still do, unfortunately. But I know we shouldn't be together. We just don't work. Perhaps if you changed and compromised some things we might have a chance, but it's too late to think about that now. Well, that, and the fact that you seem hell-bent on getting rid of me. No probs. I'm out of your life.

 

Goodbye,

 

--T

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Nikki Sahagin

I just want to vent because I got the urge to contact him & cuss him.

 

YOU ARE SO IMMATURE.

 

I always said I was more than you and you used to laugh at me, but I AM. The way you behave is so childish. You act like a 13 year old teenage boy acting out. You are 20 years old and you need the approval of 'your boys' so desperately. Do you know how gay that sounds? You shouted at me once saying you need to be a man. Then left me. But are you being a man now? Stupid, dead-end jobs, flirting with endless girls, acting out because it makes you 'a man'? You are not working hard enough to be a man. You are acting like a fool. And no its NOT a stage everyone goes through. Because I didn't. You are just...pathetic.

 

You are so irritating, arrogant, ignorant and attention seeking. You run around craving the attention of 'your boys' and meaningless girls. The real you is lonely, bitter and untrusting. The fake you is an attention whore quite frankly.

 

You act like a psuedo-gangster suddenly. I mean...wtf?

 

I'm glad I see this though because its put me off you. Not sure I wanna be friends or back together with someone LIKE YOU. Which is sad because I loved you once. But i'm slowly falling out of love with someone thats:

 

cowardly

 

untrusting

 

selfish

 

cruel

 

ignorant

 

arrogant

 

attention-seeking

 

immature

 

uneducated

 

unambitious

 

shallow

 

a liar

 

and

 

false.

 

 

You changed for the worst. Bye the guy I knew. I can't stomach you. Its true that love can turn to hate. I'm not indifferent to you. You said you wanted us to break up so that we wouldn't hate each other.

 

Well

 

I hate you anyway.

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I want to call, but I'm not gonna sooooo...........

 

You are a piece of s**t. How are you already over me? I was your f'n soulmate, you lying bastid! You remember talking about marriage? Kids? Yeah, you said that. And now all of a sudden you can just forget you ever said that to me? Yes, several people have already told me that you've moved on. I loved you, but apparently that wasn't enough. You have to make excuses as to why you THOUGHT you needed to leave. Proabably because of your own selfishness. I fought my family over you, because I thought you would change. Obviously they and everyone else saw right through you from the beginning. I should forgive you, and forget you, and I'm going to. I forgive you for being a lying, selfish, worthless piece of s**t. Your next girl probably isn't going to be so forgiving. With her, try NOT talking about your exes all the time, eh? Kinda boring, if you ask me. But then again, what should I expect from a coward that TEXTED me that we were breaking up. Dude, if you are going to break up with someone, be a man and prepare for the consequences. I would've been upset, sure, who wouldn't? A caring person (which ISN'T you) would've tried to tell me why. We are both adults, well, at least I am. I would've let you go, and had more respect for you while doing it. Right now I want to hear from you, but eventually I'll get to the point where I don't care. I cannot wait for that day.

 

I hate you so much for what you did. I hope one day you won't be able to look yourself in the mirror.

 

--T

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I'm still surprised at how everything changed.

 

I was so forgiving towards you when the break-up first happened. It was your life and I wanted the best for you. Maybe I shouldn't have. You really took advantage of the situation... No, I let you do it. There I was, being forgiving and loving towards you and you were nothing but indifferent. I should have just disappeared after receiving that email. But I missed you so much and didn't want to lose contact with you. I was stupid. I was so stupid for staying with you so long following the break-up. I wish I can be mad at you, but I can't. How can I? You've always been so sweet to me. Maybe I'm being stupid for looking past what happened. But I can't stay mad at you.

 

Sigh...

 

I just hope you find what you are looking for. You deserve the best. Please find happiness again.

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Some days I feel so relieved to not have that feeling of impending dread. I like that I don’t have to walk in egg shells so that you won’t leave me because it’s already happened. Then there are those days when I feel so desperate for answers, answers I’m starting to realize neither one of us has. Once I can get rid of that longing feeling I’ll be OK, but will you ever be OK?

 

I wish this was all romantic and passionate like it is in my head. I imagine you longing for me as much as I have been for you. I imagine deep down inside you feel that you made the biggest mistake of your life. You had everything you ever wanted in a girl you just didn’t want the responsibility of being in a relationship and caring for someone. Maybe I depended on you too much, maybe I didn’t love you enough, maybe I wasn’t as supportive as what you needed but even if I lived up to any of those things you would manage to find fault in that too. Nothing ever makes you happy, even after we broke up you complained to me about all the same stuff you’ve been complaining about for 4 years. You’re always looking for something or someone to fill that void and when you find it you run away from it.

 

I’m sorry your parents messed you up so bad, but nobody in this world can fix that but yourself. You worship the ground your father walked on but he was a horrible person who didn’t care about your mother or about his children. You guys were pawns in their stupid games. You don’t see what your father did you only find fault with the other woman and you repeat the same behaviors as him. No wonder your brothers disliked every one of your girlfriends and instead of standing up to them you just left theses girls in the dust. I feel so sorry for you because I know you will never find true happiness because you will never open yourself up to it. I wanted so desperately to be that person for you. You begged me for so many months to be with you to give you a chance. You spent all your money following me all over the country just so I would talk to you and as soon as I finally reciprocated those feelings you shut down and grew resentful. You can no longer make me feel like I’m broken just because I cared about you. I know better than to think that caring about someone is a weakness. It’s you that is fragile because you have no idea how to feel love for anyone, not even yourself.

 

Maybe if you stop moving in with every girl you date you’ll gain some perspective but until then there is a very young lady with an extremely low self esteem problem waiting for you to come home and torture her the way you did all of the women before her. I sincerely wish her the best of luck, she’s got quite a road ahead of her.

[FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT]

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So Im at our school studying, and I cant help but think of the irony that it is to have dated you at this point given that we were so physically close for so long.

I went to have breakfast at the caffeteria, under the building your ex used to live at, and I remember how you told me she was the suitmate of one of the girls that used to be with me in the Air Force.

Do you know how many times I was literally next door to you and her? Trying to get this girl get ready for something?

And how many times I must have been just a floor down in front of that building while you were with her? trying to make her love you?

I then thought about having lived right literally under you for a year. We might have said hi a few times despite being in the same program. But you were so busy with her that you never even came to work with us by the end let alone spend any time with us, except ofcourse for the retreat, when you told me you would date me if you werent dating her. This was five years ago.

 

It then hit me the irony of how you had a crush on me while you were with her...and then you couldnt stop thinking about her when you were with me. You're crazy. I wonder if your perfect woman would be a mix of us both. Probably.

Now Im studying in the library, Im doing my psychopharm test. I remember how much work people in your major had to put into their degree. Biology pre med isnt easy....yet you still had time to be with her. You finished the degree with great grades, were in the

program for three years and dated miss demanding. Then why are you now saying you have no time for me? You had all the time in the world for her, when we both know your classes were demanding and working full time wasnt easy.

 

Now that your program isnt as bad, and you arent even working part time, you have no time for me? That tells me a lot. I just realized it. For a while here i was feeling

bad for you, that you were oh so busy....when in reality is that you arent, you just dont care to be with me, it just isnt worth it to you the little time you would have to give me, especially since we cant even see each other all that much.

Its not about time, or distance. Its about you not wanting to be with me. Period. I really really need to get that inside my head and let you go for good. I deserve better than this.

 

I then thought about how it all ended...and It just hit me square in the face, again i supposed, how you used me. How much of a jack a$$ you really are, the worst type. Wolf in sheep's clothing. You and your puppy face.

How you literally dropped me the DAY you didnt need me anymore. Sure you didnt break it off, cuz you dont have the courage, you coward. But you dropped me. You stop calling me or contacting in any way, literally the day you met new people. I didnt want to believe it, i gave you the benefit of the doubt...but that didnt last long.

 

Im so glad I was able to bring all that up. Im so glad I dont want anything to do with you. Im so glad the rosed colored glasses are finally coming off....

 

Just as a goodbye, here is the first song i heard when I arrived to your city when I came to see if i could stand be there without you. It fits you ohhh so well

 

Truth be told I miss you

Truth be told I'm lying

 

When you see my face

I hope it gives you hell, I hope it gives you hell

When you walk my way

I hope it gives you hell, I hope it gives you hell

If you find a man that's worth a damn and treats you well

Then he's a fool you're just as well hope it gives you hell

 

Now you'll never see

What you've done to me

You can take back your memories

They're no good to me

And here's all your lies

If you look me in the eyes

With the sad, sad look

That you wear so well

 

 

Good Bye

Edited by 4givrnt4gtr
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*ring-a-ling* *ring-a-ling*

 

"hello?" -M

 

" WUTTUP! HOE! It's me Thebob, the summerfling guy that you hurt beyond belief"

 

"Thebob? it's not like that at all! I just didnt want a relationship with you"-M

 

" SURE DIDN't SEem like it after we screwed a million times"

 

"Well that's different, you were a phase and I was super attracted to you, I almost wanted a relationship with you, but I didn't want another LDR"

 

" So why teh **** did you cry when you left, why did you say you wanted to be with me but you knew you couldn't?! WHy couldn't you be straight with me from the beginning?!??"

 

"Cause I'm a confused girl, don't know what I want, and you were there to whipe my ass and be there for me when I needed you"-M

 

" I aint no bodies bitch, and I cant believe you played me like that, Have fun hookin up with all your guys up their, I hope you catch an STD you dirty skank. Have those random hook-up nights that you sooo desire, and soon you realize how immature it actually is"

 

"Well that is rude, You've never spoken to me like this before!"-M

 

"Cause I am sick of it, I tried my best with you for the short time that we had together, and obviously that wasn't good enough for you. You were everything to me at that time, smart, rich, beautiful, and you threw me to the side expecting me to still be your friend when you wanted to hook up with other guys up at school"

 

"I liked you a lot though! you need to understand that, I cared for you! but going up here and you being down there just wouldn't work"-M

 

" And I understand that, but you could of not led me on this far then all of a sudden say you want those random hook up nights, and if you had something good going for you, why let it go?"!

 

"Yes I know and I look back on that now, since you were a great guy but not the right guy for me and I don't know why you weren't the right guy, I'm just confused and dont want a relationship for a long time with anyone" -M

 

"Obviously you don't know what you wnat, when you have it really good, when you actually have someone who will bet here for you all the time, will see you whenever you needed comforting but your obviously too immature to realize this"

 

"I don't know what to say"-M

 

"Their is nothing to say, call me next summer if you want when your back, bye you slut, I hope you don't do this to any other guys, and I really hope you hold your word that you dont want anything to do with any guy in a relationship stand point of view."

 

"yes I do mean that, but I'm a girl and I am just confused and I think I don't want a relationship for a very long time"-M

 

"All I know is that we meshed great togehter, didnt have a fight, always talked, went to the mall and even shopped in VS with you! and I cared for you beyond belief, and your willing throw me away, I wish i knew this was coming but you threw an absolute curveball. I really wish i coulda been warned from the get-go. BYE, call me if u want but don't plan on me talking to you"

 

"i understand, and I'll call you next summer"-M

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Well I have already contacted you and these are the things I wish I had the guts to tell you...you are such a selfish jerk for trying to make me feel bad about going out with someone instead of coming to see you last night. You talk about how you just want me to be happy but you start to act all stupid because I am trying to get over you and move on with my life. you want to get back with your ex thats fine but just let me let go. You are always saying how you miss me and want to spend some time with me but you never make the effort. i am tired of crying like I am now I just want to be free of you, I am not sure we can ever be good friends.

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I'm sorry we broke up X.

 

And I'm sorry for my penis not being 9 inches long and me being unwilling to get it surgically enhanced. I am such an unreasonable man, especially in light of the pain you must have endured to get those C-cups, let alone all the facial work.

 

And I'm sorry you didn't get that GPS you wanted for Christmas even though I got it for you and you refused it unopened, without asking what it was, demanding $200 towards a new computer.

 

And I'm sorry for talking to that girl about Obama last year, angering you so much that you had 7 drinks and pushed me out of a moving car. I obviously deserved that - Obama is just another word for foreplay. I know that now.

 

And I'm sorry I later told you how I ended up with that GPS in my car and how much pain you must have felt causing you to let me know that "That GPS should have been mine!"

 

And I'm sorry that you were a trophy girlfriend and I didn't treat you like one, only spending $500/month on entertaining you, unlike the $10,000 you really deserve.

 

And I'm sorry I wasn't willing to give you a $10,000 canary diamond engagement ring, a $100,000 wedding, a pre-nup, and let you keep your maiden name. Though I must say I you must have practiced this sentence to rattle all these demands off without skipping a beat.

 

And I'm sorry I didn't tell you I had bought you a $5,000 diamond to propose to you (I know, I know, $5,000 short of what you're worth! I am SO UN-WORTHY!) when you cancelled the romantic getaway on which you would have found about this. That is until after we broke up, and I had sold back the ring at a 20% loss I consider an important lesson.

 

And I'm sorry I couldn't set up the stove and the tent on that camping trip at the same time after driving 350 miles and doing all the packing. I'm ever so sorry I yelled at you when you demanded this, and I'm even more sorry that this apparently scarred you so much that you cancelled the aforementioned romantic getaway in fear that I would be a grouch.

 

And I'm sorry I wasn't as rugged and manly as the porn guy you rebounded with nor as rich and spendy as the short, dumpy, and homely hedge funder that became my replacement. He does seem quite enamored of you though. I wonder if you can keep a lid on your crazy can long enough to get to the wedding. You go girl!

 

And I'm sorry for getting poison oak on that hiking trip whilst trying to get us back on the trail you insisted on leaving and then insisting myself that we drive the 20-minute trip back to your place to shower rather than continue the hike and then let you get your hot tub q-time at the gym.

 

And I'm sorry I asked you to stop flirting with other men in bars and ditching me as fast as you can at parties. I know now that you need constant adulation from the opposite sex to feel good about yourself and getting that from one man is so very 20th century.

 

And I'm sorry for thinking that going out drink 2-4 nights a week, and possessing an uncanny skill for finding open bars indicated you might have some alcoholic tendencies. I should have known that the standard for alcoholism is Nicholas Cage in _Leaving Las Vegas_ and I apologize.

 

And I'm sorry that after bailing you out of foreclosure, that upon noticing you continue to spiral further into debt, I refused to lend you more money. That was wrong of me. It's only money and you are the most brilliant and large-chested investor who ever lived and if only I had given you my entire life's savings I would be a rich man now, even if you've gone even further into debt since we broke up - that is all obviously my fault.

 

And I'm sorry for noticing that I spent a week finding you the perfect Christmas gift and you spent maybe 20 minutes at Costco picking out the perfect gift for me. And I really should have appreciated those regifted trade show t-shirts you wrapped them in.

 

And I am so so so sorry for asking you to do something nice for me now and then if you expect me to continue being romantic. I was so wrong. Your C-cups are all the reason I need to spend my life's savings on you and I know they didn't come for free!

 

And I'm sorry I didn't come crawling back on my hands and knees to kiss your feet and whatever else required kissing to get you back so I could devote my entire existence to keeping you from noticing your unhappiness. That was surely the opportunity of a lifetime and now I will regret it for the rest of my natural life.

 

And I'm sorry you dirty danced that guy in front of me right before we broke up. I know now I should have instead gotten insanely turned on and taken you home for massive sexing. I was obviously in the wrong here.

 

And I'm sorry for telling you to put your dog back on the leash on those biking trails. Never mind how many times your little vanity pooper almost got run over, and how much inconvenience and hazard he caused others, it's just wrong to expect him to be restrained in any way.

 

And I'm sorry I got mad at you for using that expired handicapped placard to park illegally. You had ankle surgery 5 years ago, you obviously are entitled to park in handicapped spaces for the rest of your life by virtue of your magic C-cups alone!

 

But actually, I'm not sorry about any of this. You were by far the most insane, self-centered and narcissistic person I've ever met. And while you had a tremendous singing voice, I'm glad you're dead to me.

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dashing daisy

I miss you, I hate you, I want to be with you and

 

I wish I never met you.

 

You are an ******* and a coward.

 

But I remember how much I loved you.

 

How happy I was. It wasn't worth it. You weren't worth it.

 

I wish we never met, I wish I never fell for you, I wish you were the person I thought you'd be.

 

But you aren't. So I need to accept reality, stop wishing things were different, and move on. Easier said than done.

 

I wish I could just erase you from my life, erase all the memories, get rid of everything. I never want to see you again.

 

But then again, all I want is for you to be here with me.

 

****. I hate you.

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ok...glad this thread came back up...

 

cause i am not really having NC issues with the stbxh...

 

BUT, i wanna call the OW AGAIN...omg..so badly..and just scream at the top of lungs everything breaking in my soul....

 

i have called a few times...NEVER screamed tho...but it is a lost cause...so anyway...

 

it goes back and forth..either i want to scream at the stbxh or the OW..

 

today...it is the OW..LOL

 

p.s. thanks to whoever started this thread..it is few years old...so i am glad it came back around...just in time!~:bunny::):eek::D

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Nikki Sahagin

WHY ARE YOU UNDER MY SKIN?

 

WHY ARE YOU IN MY SYSTEM?

 

Its like being addicted to a drug and not being able to break it.

 

No guy has even gotten under my skin. I get bored and tired of them 10 minutes after I meet them. My interest in you spanned 3 years?

 

I feel like no matter how fast I run, I can't escape you. Like you're the whirlpool sucking me back in. Because we are 1 and the same. We are so alike. I recognise myself in you.

 

I don't know how to keep running away from you. You couldn't face me so I have to run. And you want to be friends and meet me? But I have to run away.

 

There's so much hurt and pain and poison in my heart because of you. Its like a link connects us that I can't sever. Even when I hate you, I love you. When I love you, I hate you. Do we always hate the ones we love just a little?

 

God I cry when I hear from you. But I don't want you to leave me alone. But I do. But I don't want your life to be better than mine. But I want you to miss me. I want you to realise. I want you to see i'm your baby. If I died tomorrow - would that make sense?

 

Love and hate are so mixed up in my heart, that I feel its useless :(

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J,

I cant stop looking at your stupid myspace!! I wish i could just stop. i saw the message you left her..where she says she is cold and you say you will keep her warm. Why?? Why are you good to her and treated me like crap?? I was always there for you. Shes just a stranger. It doesnt make any sense. Is she that great??? Whats so great about her?? You were with me 5 years...is that nothing to you??? How can you just act like i never existed!! I hate you!!

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If I got a coin for everytime you say that, I'd be rich by now.

Go get medical treatment. Seriously. You're such a pathetic excuse for a human being. *spits*

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I want to make this clear. We are not friends. We are nothing to each other anymore and never will be again. Right now, I rather have an enemy whom I can rely on for his actions against me than to have you as a friend when I'm never sure where your loyalty lies.

 

Why should I be friends with someone who backs away when she's afraid of not fitting in with other people? I would rather be alone than to be with you because at least I can trust myself and defend myself.

 

I understand that you have your insecurities and you try to protect yourself from getting hurt, but your actions have become more than ridiculous.

 

Don't look for me when and if you ever come out of your child-like shell. It won't make a difference to me.

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I'm sorry I hurt you, I'm sorry I could not have been there for you when you needed me. I'm sorry you had to see how low to the ground I could get. I'm sorry you were forgiving, and I wasn't. I'm sorry I tried to hide my shame. I'm sorry I lied to you. I'm sorry about the baby we almost had together. I'm sorry I never told you how I really felt about you. I'm sorry I was drunk almost all the time. I'm sorry I never quit smoking, instead of hiding it from you. I'm sorry I never shared my pain with you.

 

I'm sorry you were beaten and raped by your step father, it was never my burden to bear. I felt sorry for you, I hate him, if I could kill him, I would still gladly do it. I'm sorry I took your pain personally, and created a monster. I'm sorry the hatred still runs deep and black in my veins, and I hide with a smile. I'm sorry I wasn't equipped to handle the enormity of your problems, I'm sorry you ever met me.

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