Post here instead of contacting your ex!

[dyzfunctioned]

Wow... sounds like my story of day's past.

 

I'm sorry man.

 

It does get easier. You must be very desirable to be just a rebound. I hate to put it that way, but it makes it easier... I was just a 4.5 month rebound for a broken girl who went back to her ex of 4 years... 2 of the last 4 years, he was ****ing another girl and she knew about it...

 

now she's back with the ****er.

 

**** your girl. **** my girl.

 

they're losers.

 

Sounds like we definitely have some stuff in common man, especially after reading some of your other posts. Took me a while to find out I was a rebound and then she basically flat out told me I was, but at the same time cared about me? It's bull**** man, guess we're kind of in the same boat.

[bananaboat11]

Sounds like we definitely have some stuff in common man, especially after reading some of your other posts. Took me a while to find out I was a rebound and then she basically flat out told me I was, but at the same time cared about me? It's bull**** man, guess we're kind of in the same boat.

 

 

it's been 4 months NC now (just beginning month 4..) since we broke it off.. (ie she dumped me over facebook and went back to her **** ex)

 

if you want to talk dude.. lemme know

 

i'm more than happy to listen to your story and share my own...

 

...there's an unbroken thread that stretches from those first moments till now

[bananaboat11]

Nicole -

 

I will never be sure, but I have my clues as to you ATTEMPTING to call me twice today...

 

I have an application that blocks YOUR number only (I programmed it to...) ie it hangs up on your bitch ass and I'll never know you called

 

It just so happens that the Advanced Application Task Killer showed that the callblocking lite app was activated... ie, you must've called (b/c the app didn't update nor did I access it)...

 

If i'm wrong... still don't contact me. If I'm right... do yourself a favor.. i've come to my senses... Don't contact me ever again.

 

thanks

[McGrupp]

i just want to say i miss you.

 

 

im not sure what this is trying to accomplish. its really quite pointless and i realize that.

and i dont expect you to respond cause i know what youll say.

 

 

but i still miss you a lot. i think about you.

 

 

 

thats all i know.

 

its so weird how time goes by.

 

 

n-

[MySweetie'sGone]

Babe,

 

It seems so long since I called you that. Remember when you didnt want me to use your name and knew if I did I was angry (and vice versa). In truth it's only been a couple of months. I find myself thinking of you, unable to hate you, unable to understand--yet on some level I do. I miss you so much. your voice when you were miles away. What happened to us? Why won't you try again? WIll I ever hear from you again? Do you even think about me and what we had? Why doesn't your forward progress include me.

 

Your gov name means GOd's servant but when you took your love away I could swear you were working for the other side. I have so many questions but don't think even you could answer them...because I don;t think you're being honest with yourself. Y did u insist we be friends when we were in an LDR anyway and if you chose you could probably never hear from me again? Y didnt you transfer schools back here like we planned? Why didn;t I move there? Would it have made a difference? I think of another woman touching you and I cringe...my heart breaks over and over again. Why did you come back in my life for a short period of time and get my hopes up only to take them away again? WHy? WHY? Where is the babe that I KNOW? WHERE THE F*CK ARE YOU????

[silic0ntoad]

Tracy-

 

I know the truth now. You left me for him. And you didn't have the spine or respect to tell me that? Instead, I go through 8 months of self torment over why why why, until I created closure. Then, when I least expected it, I found out the truth. You cheated on me.

 

Congratulations. You're in the bin of women I never want to, never would have, and never will be with again.

 

But, good luck. Try to stay faithful with this one. I don't wish this pain on anyone, even you. For the life of me, T, we were so cool, why couldn't you just say it? Seriously?

 

I'll never forget this. I may forgive you, in time, but I'll never forget this. I hope the sands of silence forever bury our bond.

 

-B

[Dark_of_the_Moon]

Here I sit just thinking of you and wanting to hear your voice again....I just shake my head. Even your apology to me was full of lies and you must think me the biggest fool if you think I believe them. But, I don't believe them, you are lying to yourself only.......you are not worthy of the loyalty and love I desire to give.

 

I would have given you my fullest devotion, but I want one man I can love and one man who will love me. I don't deserve to just one of many women you want to play with.

[twinklecat]

So I became an aunty today, and ya know what? Suddenly thought of you and to ring you to share the good news. But no, you destroyed everything for that awful girl. I do sincerely hope you are both happy. Went out last night, had to beat the male attention off with a stick - was nice to talk to people without having you dictating and controlling everything. I still talk about you and think about you, but the hurt is fading, and so are my feelings towards you.

[amilyah]

After 2 months nc why the hell did you come here? You say you miss me so much and love me and dont want me to divorce you,well that was two days ago why the hell havent you called me back?I know your waiting to see if i call you but thats just not gonna happen...........

 

Why do you do this to me?I was doing so good,going out meeting people and then you hear i have a boyfriend so i guess you didnt like that to much...

 

I wish you knew how much i love you but i wont tell you that even when you tell me i just say i know you do.I bet that bothers you a bit.The other night when you held me i didnt want to let you go,i wish you were here right now then i probably wouldnt.

 

Well im gonna tell you there is a guy that really likes me so i wouldnt wait to long to call me.Im only gonna give you a week or two then im not gonna answer any of your calls ever again because im not gonna keep letting you play me.......

 

Well goodbye my love,my life,my soulmate.I hope you dream of me tonight,i know i will dream of you!!!

[CourtneyQ]

OK, it seems a few of us have had a rough time with the darned NC. I had fantasies today of unloading all this anger, longing, and "WTF" onto my ex. I am creating this thread as a place for all of us in pain to post instead of contacting Ms/Mr ex. It could actually be kind of fun, at least a release.

 

I had a friend with a terrier dog who used to look out the window and whenever he saw another dog or squirrel or whatever dogs want to kill he would grab the nearest object and shake it furiously, all the while glaring at the object of his hatred, and barking/growling with his mouth full. It was hilarious and poignant, and I have to say, I relate to that pup!

 

What would you like to tell him or her? Even if it's been building up for years, post it here! Rage-fest! Longing-fest! DO NOT CONTACT that frigging ex, put it all here!!

 

 

I just want to get you out of my head, I need closure. We have both moved on, but a part of me just doesn't want to accept that. I love you so much, I have never met anybody that I have connected with and had so much fun with in all of my life, and the sad thing is every part of myself believes that you feel the same way. We didn't give ourselves time to process what life would be without each other and made ourselves move on way too fast. Now you're back with her and I'm back with him and the kids are too happy to rip it all up again. The decision we made it is irreversible. I just know you still love me and it's been such a long time now, I can still feel your embrace and I still see the huge smile on your face; the one you had every time you seen me. I can't believe I let you go so freely and willingly. What do I do when things get Rocky? The only defence mechanism I know, I run. I think it's time I come up with a new defense mechanism..... lol You only have one life, one ticket for this ride, and I blew my chances of riding it with someone who is so compatible as you. I miss you more than I have anything in my entire life, I feel like I have hole inside me. I need to be a big girl and except my decisions and my actions I need to put my best foot forward, I can't waste my life on dwelling, I just cant. I have my goals, and I will get there, it's just a shame that I can't go there with you (it would be fun). I love you unconditionally and I will for as long as my sole has value. I love you so much it hurts. Pretty sad when you consider some sort of relief that there could be a slither of the percentage of the chance of anything. I don't want to have hope, hope only makes it harder. I need to get over this I need to get past this, there are billions of people in this world you are only one. Many people form many valuable relationships and friendships over their lifetime, I shouldn't dwell on the loss of one and destroy chances of others. I know this is the reality, I know this is common sense, it's just hard convincing my heart and that it shouldn't be loving you any more. So I hope this helps relieve me of my yearning, I don't want to be bugging on you anymore, you're stuck in between a rock and a hard place just as I am, I understand... just a hard pill to swallow. I hope you have an amazing life, I just wish I could spend it with you. My undying love forever, your good girl. xxx I love you so hard baby! ) And miss you just as much...... I'll forever cherish the memories.

 

As lame as it is, this song sums it up.....

 

Britney Spears — Out From Under lyrics

 

 

Breathe you out

Breathe you in

You keep coming back to tell me

You're the one who could have been

And my eyes see it all so clear

It was long ago and far away but it never disappears

I try to put it in the past

Hold on to myself and don't look back

 

I don't wanna dream about

All the things that never were

Maybe I can live without

When I'm out from under

I don't wanna feel the pain

What good would it do me now

I'll get it all figured out

When I'm out from under

 

So let me go

Just let me fly away

Let me feel the space between us growing deeper

And much darker every day

Watch me now and I'll be someone new

My heart will be unbroken

It will open up for everyone but you

Even when I cross the line

It's like a lie I've told a thousand times

 

I don't wanna dream about

All the things that never were

Maybe I can live without

When I'm out from under

I don't wanna feel the pain

What good would it do me now

I'll get it all figured out

When I'm out from under

 

And part of me still believes

When you ay you're gonna stick around

And part of me still believes

We can find a way to work it out

But I know that we tried everything we could try

So let's just say goodbye

Forever

 

I don't wanna dream about

All the things that never were

Maybe I can live without

When I'm out from under

I don't wanna feel the pain

What good would it do me now

I'll get it all figured out

When I'm out from under

 

I don't wanna dream about

All the things that never were

Maybe I can live without

When I'm out from under

I don't wanna feel the pain

What good would it do me now

I'll get it all figured out

When I'm out from under

When I'm out from under

[coltsfan1]

I have begged, pleaded, live under your thumb and now you just walk out! I miss you so much but after the hurtful things you said I can't come running back. Why would you ever had talked to me that way did I really deserve it? I can't imagine how, I have helped you grow into the woman you are today. You didn't have a high school education, or a job you had just had a child and now you have a ged, a fulltime job, money in the bank and have even started college. If i was all those things you said how could I have helped influence you to reach such things. You have broken my heart and taken your son away from me and I don't know whether I could even take you back now.

Jason Aldean said it best-

A GROWN WOMAN WOULD HAVE KNOW BETTER THAN TO TREAT ME LIKE AN OLD DISH RAG YOU USE UP AND THROW AWAY.

YOUR SUPPOSE TO TREAT YOUR LOVER ATLEAST AS GOOD AS YOUR NEIGHBOR! YOU DON'T HAAVE TO BE SO CRUEL.

i am so sorry things turned out this way!!!!!!!!!!!!

Edited January 28, 2010 by coltsfan1

[MySweetie'sGone]

Dul, I woke up thinking about you today...I think you were in my dream last night. I still can't believe this has happened. Remember how you told me your love for me was endless...now I don't matter at all. I feel so inconsequential. I feel like nothing. But I have to get up and go to work and do my job like everything is fine. I miss you so much. This hurts so bad...why can't you feel the same way. I feel so stupid...I really thought we were so much stronger than this. But I guess I was the only strong one. I don't feel strong like now. I wish I had never met...I miss you...

[1_hangininthere]

RRRIIINNNGGG

 

Hi! It's me. Your soon to be x-wife. How are you? ... Yeah 14 years is a long time.

 

I noticed you're back in contact with D. Remind me was she your 1st affair or 2nd?.... Oh that's right she was 1 and 2. I almost forgot about the emails and phone calls while I was in the hospital after the birth or our first son. Did you tell her yet about us?... Yeah you are right. She might not want anything to do with you if she knew you had a wife and 3 kids.

 

How was your Christmas?.... I'm sure it was lonely since your were by yourself. I had a great time with our 3 boys.... Yeah they miss you too.

 

Do you remember the Christmas 2 years ago? I sure do. I loved the Bath and Body Works gift basket you got me. Did S like hers? It was after all the same one. You never were very creative. The boys liked the toys she sent them. Wouldn't it have been easier if she gave the gifts to you while you were with her 2 weeks before Christmas? I knew she would want the toys back so I mailed them back to her.... Yeah it was expensive replacing them so the boys wouldn't notice, but so worth it. I might have taken them out from under the tree, but I only learned of the affair the night before Christmas. You have such great timing.

 

I've been wondering, with your latest affairs who was your first choice M or B?... Thanks I almost forgot. I read the letter M sent you. You were with B first and when she dumped you you went after M. Since they are such good friends do you think they ever compared notes?.... You're right girls NEVER kiss and tell. It would be in bad taste considering you were still "happily married" at the time. Does M mind being sloppy seconds?.... Yeah that's true you're such a great guy she probably didn't mind..... I know you were terribly lonely when the military took you to Rhode Island. I'm very glad you had such great "friends" like M and B to keep you company during those long cold lonely nights..... Me? No I didn't mind at all taking care of the kids, the house, the bills, yard, groceries while you were hanging out with your friends. I have to admit when you FINALLY told me about going out for sushi and ballroom dancing I thought you were gay. whhessshhh. Now I realize you cheating not gay. (that was close.)

 

I noticed M on Facebook the other day. I really liked the pictures of her new house. Couldn't help but notice it is only about 3 miles from where I now live. It wasn't too bright of her to include her new address with the pix. Some crazy person could come by in the middle of the night and slash her tires.... NO I would not do that. Thought about it, but would ever do it..... Yeah yeah yeah. Remind me again why she moved to this area? Oh that's right she's an officer in the Marines and she couldn't find any other bases to be located to. The Marines after all is such a small organization. I noticed she changed her status back to "single... looking for men." Seems a bit desperate. Don't you think? Tell her I send my congratulations on her new promotion. HHHUUUMMMM? I wonder what affect it would have on her career if her commanding officer knew about her relationship with you? Well it doesn't matter now because your are apparently alone.

 

How's the online dating profiles going? I noticed you're up to 3.... That's true... even a blind squirrel finds a nut once in while. Sorry,but your phone bill came to my new house when I had the mail forwarded. The phone bill is still in my name you know? $200 charges for calls to Ireland. Did your dating profiles go international? .... Oh that's true I'm sure it was a mistake. Your sons probably accidently called the same number 4 times. I was wondering what does your sex-addict therapist think of all these dating profiles?.... That's true you do deserve to be happy.

 

Well I better run. I have a date tonight. Ironic really. He doesn't make as much money as you, his car isn't as fancy as yours, he lives in a tiny apartment and yet i still feel like a traded up.

 

***Bye***

 

PS writing this was the most fun I have had in 11 months!!!

[soulm8]

WOW!! I found this thread and followed it to about pg 90 thinking it'd be enough. I was a bit worried to see how long it CAN take to ease the pain... but I'm glad I decided to jump in and post. I have absolutely no reason to waste another minute on him. Thank you for this outlet - it's been very therapeutic to read and put everything into perspective.

 

Hey Ahso,

 

I haven't heard from you since we IM'd on my birthday. I've sent you a few IMs, emails and a txt since then and your silence should be enough, yet I still find myself trying to excuse you. It makes no sense to me. How the hell did you manage to get away with me falling in love with you, so quickly and so effortlessly? I'm not lonely, needy, clingy, desperate, or even lacking in confidence. Is it my ego? Is it eating at me that you never officially ended it so I can have closure? I can't even be bothered to re-register on a dating site or simply go on a date.

 

I keep telling myself that what we've gone through in the past 3 months should be enough. How dare I have hope that you're actually who you presented yourself to be during the first few weeks of getting to know each other. How dare I excuse your lack of consideration for my feelings and my childrens' feelings.

 

I find it so incredibly difficult to believe that you could portray yourself as my soulmate, so convincingly. Do you have multiple personality disorder? WTF? How could you prey on me and my children like that if your only intention was to hopefully set me up as a FWB? Weren't we on the same page? You sure were convincing and YOU were the one who kept planting ideas of the future together while I was desperately trying to slow down and stay realistic. Why did I fall for it? Anything I ever told you was absolutely true and from my heart. How did you manage to slip past my defenses and earn my trust?

 

How could you comfort me and assure me that you were just as scared as I was? How could you agree it was freaky how too good to be true it seemed? How could you tell me that you'd NEVER do ANYTHING to hurt me? Why didn't you just come clean right then and there... it was the perfect escape. Nope! This is the recipe you follow, isn't it? Why was I so weak? Why did I fall for it?

 

It's pathetic that I somehow was actually fearing you are my soulmate and that you'd come to your senses if I just relax and let you come to me. I've said all along that reciprocation and communication are key.

 

Why should I hope to hear from you? This hasn't been a good beginning at all! Add to the mix the fact that you're a widower with teenagers and it's just DOOMED man! You know, something that really has bothered me is how you mentioned in the beginning that your wife's passing was kind of a blessing because you (both) weren't happy but you held on because you're a faithful "goose" who always comes home. Remember how I pointed out that we tend to remember the good memories over the bad when reflecting on a failed marriage? Suddenly, the next time you ever mention her, it's only sentimental crap. Strange.

 

I wonder how many women you've played with.

 

The first time you let me down, we communicated and resolved the issue of calling within a reasonable time frame if you told me you'd call.

 

The second time you let me down, you very quickly regretted breaking up and apologized for misunderstanding me. You promised me that you'd never break up like that again - that we'd communicate to ensure understanding.

 

The third time you let me down, I should have known to never speak to you again. Meeting her was such a slap in the face. I deleted you from my FB and phone. Why couldn't I delete you from messenger and block your email? Oh, I know... I wanted an apology. How could I accept your bull**** story? Was it because she was 51 and not living nearby? I know... I'd cooled off and started dating again - that's how. Your timing was perfect - I missed your kisses and our chemistry.

 

Let's see, the fourth time you let me down, and the last time I saw you was Jan 20th. Despite my emails asking to understand WTF that was about all you can do is be flirty and tease me? That was a f*cked up night and I suppose I can only go with my own intuition on that one since you won't communicate.

 

The last time you let me down was on my birthday! What kind of freak are you? Who IMs their "girlfriend" to say happy birthday? Who the hell tells their "girlfriend" that he was on his way to her place after work, but thought she might freak out? Freak out over WHAT?? You tell me I'm a nice girl and no I wouldn't freak out. WTF? What mind games! Why tell me you'll f*uck me anytime and go into detail as to what you'd like to do to me, when I'm sitting there hoping for an explanation for Jan 20th? Thank God for my family and friends, because you suck!

 

Seriously, are you a serial cheater? A sex addict? WTF happened to the gentleman I met in September that was so blown away by our connection and wanted to marry me? WTF happened to the man who was overwhelmed by how perfect I am for him? What happened to the guy who adored my daughter and son and couldn't believe how easy it'd be to start all over with us?

 

F*ck you and your bullcrap. Please don't try to contact me. There is no reason to. I do not need an apology. I hope you get help because life is too short and beautiful.

 

Thank you for reminding me how much I love sex and intimacy. Thank you also for reminding me that women MUST refrain from giving a man her heart too soon.

 

Oh... and I'll be registering tonight to "build up my harem"... as you so eloquently liked to tease me about. Healthy, loving people want to love and be loved - something I guess you'll never comprehend. Chow mein!

Edited February 2, 2010 by soulm8

[broncosfrk83]

Hey Tara,

 

 

Its been awhile since we have talked and that has been killing me.You were my best friend and the best relationship I have ever had. I use to throw the words "I love you" around all the time until i met u, thats when i truly knew what it meant. I have never cared for someone as much as i did for you, and i have never had someone care for me as much as you did. Yes the end of our relationship wasnt the best but things could have been better and things could have easily have changed if you would have just not waited so long to bring it to my attention. I saw that things had been akward lately but i couldnt quite figure out why. I miss the good ole days of our relationship. I remember how i would write out little love notes that told you how much you meant to me and i would hide them in your room for you to find later after i left. I miss our long talks we would have in bed holding each other disscussing our future and how we both wanted the exact same things. The trips we wanted to go on, the kind of house we wanted and even the 2 kids we wanted to have, Landon Micahel and Evelyn ann. I never knew that you could fall so fast for someone and could love someone like we did. I remember when you would have to leave and i would walk you out to your car and we would satnd there and hold each other while looking up at the stars and kiss. Then we would both cry that we were having to depart, even though we knew we would see u the next day. Every day, every night was amazing. Its hard to believe that could be possible but looking back i realize that every single night we had together was special. It hurt me sooo badly for you to tell me that you were not in love with me anymore and that you had felt like we had just been friends. I kinda felt those things too but i never planned on leaving you. It hurts to hear you say that you wish we could be friends and not to hear you say u want us to be together. I hate how it seems like now since we have split that you are having a blast and our so much happier. I just dont understand how you cant be looking back like i am and understand. Everyday i have to convince myself not to try and talk to you and i hope that you will soon reach out and admit your mistakes and what us to be back together. People on this website i visit say that i should just cut my loses and move on and go no contact but each day i wonder if things would be better if i would contact you just to show you i still care and that i havent given up hope and i still love u, but i also know that most likely i will get shut down and that will hurt even worse then just not saying anything. We had our issues and I made some stupid mistakes but its a two way street. Theres some things i wish you could have changed but whats the point now? I dont know if we are meant to be together and i guess if we are then it will happen on its own. Im just afraid that i never will find someone who will mean as much to me as you did. I loved you sooo much even though i didnt show it as often as i should of. I just want you to know that I love you and i miss you and i want nothing more than to have you want me as much as you did when we first started dating because thats how much i want you now. I want to cry in your arms and have you cry in mine. I have never kissed someone and it felt like it did when i kissed you, I truly loved you with all of my heart and i feel i always will think of you and love you.

[clueless haha]

i'm sorry...

[clueless haha]

double posted oops!

[MySweetie'sGone]

Dul...WHAT in heaven's name are you trying to do? How do I get through to you?? I cannot be your friend...why does it matter so much? We're so far away from each other yet you go out of your way to remind me of your existence? Why? & why do i thrive off it? I complain but at the same time I'd be so hurt if I didnt hear from you at all? There just isn't a happy medium, babe. I wish you would just come "home". Yesterday I sent myself a text and pretended I was texting you. lol. crazy huh? Then when the text came back I pretended it was you responding (this was my mom's idea by the way)...I know you want me to contact you...but I can't. It doesnt feel right not to be able to call you baby and tell you I love you. I CAN'T be your friend my long distance love. I can't hate you either...no matter what you do. wish I could...maybe then things would be easier.

 

...I love you.

[DiscoChick]

Hey Ivory,

 

Guess what? I'm sick again. Remember how you used to joke about that? Remember how you'd say you hate the idea of me being in pain? It's impossible that you could remember, or you wouldn't have done what you did. I don't get it! I'm still not angry with you. I still don't hate you. Why can't I be normal, for once?

 

I miss you so much that it makes me sick. Much sicker than I already am. When I am too dizzy to move or in too much pain to walk, I think of you. I have come to many realization while standing over the toilet waiting to puke my stomach up. First, you knew I could not have children. You said it, and I didn't even know it. You were surprised you hadn't gotten me pregnant. You're right. Three years and not a single child, but I'm only 24. It could have happened. Is this why you left?

 

Did you think I didn't need you? Was I too emotionally distant? Did I tell you I love you too much? Was it because I gave you what you wanted? Tell me. My friends (the females) think I am so pitiful but strong. It's so hard to not have someone to talk to. They don't care. They are selfish and bitter and miserable. Do you know what Courtney said? "I told you. Oh, how the mighty have fallen." What kind of friend is that? What kind of friend are you? Why did you leave me? I don't mind the relationship, I'll get over it, but why trash our friendship? I love you too much.

 

How am I able to focus so much while I'm fighting vertigo? I'm determined to reach you. You said I'd be wife number three. I told you, no, I would be number one or nothing. Guess you took nothing. You asked if I would accept your kids. I said no. You seemed to consider the idea. I wanted to be the mother of those kids. Did you really love me? When did you stop?

 

You never did anything I wanted. I wanted to go to the zoo. You said no. We saw Batman instead. I wanted to see The Mummy Tomb of the Dragon Emperor. You said no. You used sex to try and remedy the problem. I rarely asked you for anything. Were you insecure because you were poor? I laughed only when you joked about it. I even tried to feed your already obese ego. Look where it got me...nowhere.

 

How many times did you say sorry? I think you told me sorry in our relationship more than you said you loved me. Your poor mother. I'm sorry that she is ill. Do you think I feel obligated to care for her? I don't. You know I am a caring person. Ahhh! That's why you didn't want me to get her a Christmas gift. You already had plans of dumping me.

 

I found your shirt and couldn't remember where it came from. That is, until I heard Jimi Hendrix's "Are you Experienced." I promptly took off the shirt and tossed it in my drawer. I haven't looked at it since. I'm going to burn it. I'm going to burn those cassettes. I'm going to go to church every Sunday and pray for you and your mother and your drunken father, whose footsteps you seem to want to follow. I'm going to pray for you every morning and night and hope that you become the great person I know that you can be. I'm going to pray for your mother for having to deal with your BS for 24 years. I'm going to pray she lives to suffer through many more years with you. God, I want you to be happy. I want you to be so happy that I don't care. I want you to get into law school, pass the bar, and become a great lawyer. I want you to have those kids. I want you to fix that crappy relationship you have with your mom. I want you to be amazing. I want too much for you. Why? And you've hurt me so much.

 

My doctor is pretty sure about the PCOS diagnosis now. It must be true. I always get sick right on schedule. I really miss my dad lately. Just being home alone...and the cemetery is so depressing. I keep thinking about when you asked me if I wanted to stab you with that pencil. I didn't. I wanted to get a knife from the drawer and cut you open from your belly button up to the top of your thoracic cavity. I wanted to rip the skin away and dig my hand into your chest to prove to myself that you have a heart. If I could have done it without hurting you, I would have. One day I'll probably see you again and it won't hurt to remember how you smell. I'll hear your voice and won't think of how my name sounded on your lips. I have two lasting memories of you, and one is so amazing that it overwhelms me. Thank you. The other is so horrible that it overwhelms me. Thank you. Both times I tasted bile from my stomach rise into my mouth.

 

I'm sorry I'm a robot. You said you understood. You said you knew what it was like. You said you'd help me. You said. You said. Ha. That's me, right? Always throwing things you said in your face. Always caring about your well being. I love you so much. I always will. God, I can't help it. Ten years from now I will love you just as much, but I won't let it hinder what I can have.

 

I know you'll be watching the Super Bowl. Go blue and white! I can't call or email you during the game, and I almost...ALMOST gave up being a Colts fan just so I can have one less thing in common with you, but screw that. We're having a party and you were invited. Can you believe my folks don't believe we're FINALLY done. They started calling our relationship the "Goliath." Yes, that Six flags rollercoaster. Don't you think that's funny? I did...and do. My mom says hello. Also, if you see my brother on campus, it's okay to still speak to him. He has no idea what separated us. See? I managed to keep one secret from my family after all.

 

Love you to death

[hazeleyed]

I really missed you at first. When you suddenly said you didn't want this anymore I really didn't know how I felt other than utter anguish. You knew that only months before I had heard that same line from my long term ex. You knew how to hit me where it hurt the most. For that I have learned to be indifferent to you. You said you loved me you let me into your life, your family's lives... then in one fell swoop you took it all back. I cared for your children so much. We talked about this grand life together and you ripped it from me in one phone call. While I was at work none the less. I would never have done what you did to me to anyone. I deleted your pictures off my phone today and it hurt but I know that the man I am seeing now is a million times the man you ever were. I still put my guard up with him at times and I have you to thank for that. I am so terrified with him that he will up and leave at random and go back to his ex, like you did to me. I am getting over that. Everyday he reassures me that I am what he chooses as I do with him. It has never felt better to say that I am over you. It shouldn't have been as hard as it was but I feel nothing for you. I no longer have the urge to break into tears when I look at the pictures we took which is why I could finally say goodbye. And this is the final goodbye.

 

No longer any love for you,

 

Me

[soulm8]

Well, I think it's safe to say my addiction to you is fading, finally. I'm no longer sad or angry. I'm just indifferent now. Your emails lastnight were so empty and I'm so glad I can see them for the breadcrumbs they really are.

 

Shortly after New Year's when you made me think it was over (again) I hung out with a really good friend of mine who I hadn't seen in over a year. I have to admit, there was chemistry between us that was stronger than ever before. I think it's because he lost some weight and probably because he was so much more attentive to me than you were... apart from the act you tried to pull in the first month of getting to know me.

 

He ended up telling me he wanted to be more than friends and how unbelieveably comfortable we are together. He didn't stay the night because I was still hung up on you. I actually tossed and turned til 4 or 5am thinking about how if I start seeing him, you'd come back and f*uck it all up for both me and him.

 

Wow, like clock-work your radar made you check in with me that next morning! Funny how you always do it in the same way... asking how my coffee dates are going, or how's my harem. Like a complete fool, I thought there was a remote possibility that you were coming to your senses and actually wanted to be with me. Like a fool, I told my friend that I had unfinished business with you. He was so disappointed he removed himself from my FB.

 

It's funny because I knew I was sacrificing a great relationship for you. Sure, I downplayed it to you... saying how surprised I was that he had those feelings for me but now I really wish I hadn't given you that opportunity to hurt me again.

 

I emailed him yesterday and wow... within a few hours (imagine that) he replied. Turns out he completely understands and STILL wants to see me. Better yet, he wanted to make it clear that he's NOT into a FWB thing... he WANTS to be my boyfriend and take things slow, especially with my kids. He invited me to his place and WANTS me to meet his son and a friend of his... Imagine that Jer. A MAN and he isn't afraid to bond, share. He's just not looking to score. Sex actually means something to him, like it does to me.

 

You can go ahead and keep sending me your lame emails... to see if I'll reply, but you had more than enough chances to prove yourself with me. Yes, you're right, I am a very nice lady and the best lover you ever had... too bad those awesome qualities were so "scary" and overwhelming for you. I was more than patient and understanding... all I needed was for you to call when you said you'd call within a reasonable time frame, to show up when you said you would, and be honest with me.

 

Chow mein, as you put it once. Funny how your own words can be used against you, huh?!

[DagnyT]

Robi,

 

Its been 4 years. Be a man, come back and tell me its over. I need closure.

[MySweetie'sGone]

i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you hate you hate you hate you hate you hate you hate you hate you hate you hate you hate you hate you hate you hate you hate you hate you hate you hate you hate you hate you hate you hate you hate you hate you hate you hate you late you late you lote you lote you love you love you love you...i love you. Damnit.

[bananaboat11]

Nicole baby -

 

I'll never let you sweep me off my feet. Life's too short for me to stop. Oh baby, your time is running out. Been there, done that.

 

<3 always & forever,

 

your babe, rob

[silic0ntoad]

Tracy -

 

I used to be your baby. I didn't mind you playing god.

 

But now, now, the knife in my back says otherwise. All your bullsh*t about being honest.

 

You are nothing but a dicksucking whore.

 

Play god with someone else. I am glad my time in your f*cking game is over, you piece of sh*t.

 

With the deepest of love, your baby,

 

Brian