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polywog

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I am so fed up of losing stuff I've typed on LS.

 

SO are you hoping that your next relationship will just work out without the need for you to communicate? Fingers crossed there wont be any problems to talk about?

 

You want someone more like you? Who is rigid in their beliefs... controlling... a fighter.. a taker....

 

Do you reckon they will mind you not speaking to them for days? Do you think they will be happy to not know wtf is going on for days? Will they mind your nasty comments and constant comments about how s*** the relationship is?

 

What about your ex? Will they mind? When you tell them the whole truth they will... how long will that take? but maybe you will do what you did to me and just be vaugue about her and change your story and give them bits of info and then contradict yourself all the time. Ah, yeah, I'm sure they'll be fine with it. How d'you think they'll be about the

 

" I know your busy, I wont call. Just want to know you are there for me" and Valentines cards.

 

on Valentines day? Or the way she will just blank them when they are standing right in front of her? Or the way you keep her totally seperate and all other female friends you have from her?

 

Well - good luck with all that!

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Nikki Sahagin

Meeting you has really traumatised me.

 

You were my best friend.

The love of my life.

And you have hurt me more than ANYONE i've ever known.

You are cruel and selfish.

 

No matter what you do wrong, I always feel guilty and doubt myself. You make me feel like a bad person. You make me unhappy. I wanted you to love me. To be the love of my life. You are a hypocrit. SAY WHAT YOU MEAN. AND DONT PLAY GAMES.

 

Stop texting me your little games, pokes and hints. TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT TO SAY, or leave me alone.

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Weird isn't it...

 

Two nights ago when I was going home on the train a gang of lads got on. I was reading.. just ignoring them. Then one of them whilst walking past into the next carriage smacked the paper I was reading and kept on walking. I laughed it off saying to the couple next to "they're only young!" They laughed and made insulting comments about them which made us all laugh... they wouldn't have heard. But it helped to brush it off.

 

When we got off the train I was walking past them and one of them groped me.

 

I asked who did it. I wasn't happy. They all (about 10 of them) laughed and made sexual comments. I told them they were just babies. Then s I walked down the stairs of the bridge one of them started to apologise for his friends and then next thing I know they are pouring beer down my back....

 

It upset me. What did I do to desrve that? It's made me nervous about being here. Made me nervous about being groped or ganged up upon again.

 

and do you know what........... you would not give a **** about this. You would not comfort me about it. Yet if you were there you would have battered all of them I'm sure. (No really, I think you are capable).

 

But you would not be giving a **** about the fact I'd been sexually harrassed and intimidated. Would you!! Right now you'd be pleased! You'd be pleased that that's what I get if I leave you and move away.

 

My friends have been supportive. At first it didn't bother me. But over the past couple of days I have become nervous. There is no way you would understand. Other guys would be like... omg are you ok? or I am sorry that happened to you. But no - you would be - well... that's what you get there... without me.....

****

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Nikki Sahagin
Happy 4th.

 

I don't know how I stood there and let you tell me that you love me and miss me.

 

Obviously, that is not true.

 

You love me? Come over. You miss me? Come over.

 

You limit me to 20 minutes, after all the years we've shared together?

 

This is what you wanted. I'm glad you're happy. No, really I'm not, but whatever.

 

I don't understand how you can just give yourself away to somebody else so quickly.

 

I am not interested in anybody else, because I love YOU.

 

The longer you treat me like ****, the less I will care for you.

 

I love you. I miss you. You don't give a **** about me.

 

Come over.

 

I know buddy :(

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Nikki Sahagin

You're thinking about me...but you're seeing someone else?

 

You broke up with me because you wanted to be single...now you're seeing someone else?

 

What IS the truth and what are the lies with you, seriously?

 

I can't even distinguish between what you make up for impact, attention or to test me. Or what is the cold, hard truth. The sad fact is, even if we ever got back together, I could just NEVER trust you.

 

Why are you seeing someone if you always think of me, text me all the time, and say you aren't over me?

 

Is she a rebound or are you developing real feelings? WHY am I even asking?

 

I cried over you AGAIN. I know you aren't worth it but you were once.

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AlwaysConflicted

It's been a while now. I guess we're done. I still don't truly understand why you broke up with me. I was just having a tough time. I wish you would have stayed by my side. But you ran. You showed your true colors. I can't marry a girl who won't stay by my side. I'm so dissapointed.

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I've somehow yet to master mornings. Waking up. In my sleep last night I have been unaware of reality. Then I wake... and I panic.... oh my god... I've got to have you, I can't lose you and I just want to call you...

 

How do you feel? I feel so scared and desperate for you.

 

What happened. I was feeling much better a few days ago. I don't even want to go on this holiday tomorrow. I'm scared. Another week without you. Another week for you to drift away. I don't want you to drift away. It was so awful to see that coldness last time. You'd left me. You didn't care. But you don't care enough anyway... that's what I have to face.

 

I don't feel like I can face today. I want to call you so bad. Are you going to call me today before I go. I wish you would communicate with me. Tell me how you feel. I suppose it's there in you not communicating is it?

 

Uhhhh... this is tearing me apart. scared. when have you ever cared when I have been scared? I'm going to have to call you today. I have to know before I go on holiday if we can stop fighting now.

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Watch and learn wendigo..

 

You've called. It's early. He answers.

 

Has he read the email telling him why you can't stay? Yes.

 

Does he want you to get off the phone now? He wants to get up and call you back shortly.

 

Does he want to talk? Yes

 

Did he have plans to call you? He had no plans either way.

 

Does he remember you are going away tomorrow? Yes.

 

He'll call me back in a bit.

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I realised on your way to work is not a good time to talk.

 

You sound ok. I don't know if you are. So we'll chat later when you can focus on what you are saying. I ask you are you sure you want to talk about what's going on. You say yes. I ask you if you ever would have called me to talk about it... you stutter.. I don't know. Was that pressure?

 

I don't know why I am not just walking away. I think it's because I haven't let go completely. I guess I need you to kill it for me again to remind me. Although since that first call my head took over again telling me I can't live like that, can't live by those rules, with your ex. Can't go through the punishment everytime I want some support.

 

I found a new type of counselling yesterday that defines human needs in order to be free from depression.

 

  • Security — safe territory and an environment which allows us to develop fully
  • Attention (to give and receive it) — a form of nutrition
  • Sense of autonomy and control — having volition to make responsible choices
  • Emotional intimacy — to know that at least one other person accepts us totally for who we are, “warts 'n' all”
  • Feeling part of a wider community
  • Privacy — opportunity to reflect and consolidate experience
  • Sense of status within social groupings
  • Sense of competence and achievement
  • Meaning and purpose — which come from being stretched in what we do and think.

Well - I am lacking and we were lacking in a lot of these things in the relationship. Some of these things I needed from you and in me not receiving them it's no wonder I became depressed. I really believe in this list. I agree these needs are what make people happy and are what would make me happy. I wish I could say I loved you warts and all, I can cope with moodiness and the odd argument, but I can't cope with your strict ethics. I also think that you are far too utopian for me. You think you have an element of buddhism in you - your wrong - because you would have to understand the principle that life is suffering and far from utopian. Do you know what that means? Look it up... I think it will explain a lot. You are so hard. I think back to that time in the car.. you were comforting me because I was upset worried that you might lose it with me again if I wanted to talk or needed support - you cuddled me and said we would talk about it later. we didn't. and I was right. the next time I expressed a fear you slated me and walked off - said horrible things, pushed me away, told me I was being ridculous... is that love? is it?

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willirecover

U played with my head like a game! after 6 yrs and a child 2gether out the blue u tell me its over then its not then its over,, you love me then you dont over and over, well its strange how one week later your ****ing someone else is that what 6 yrs and a child meant? Why did you have to rub it in my face? What did i ever do bad 2 u? Dont you remember in how many ways I was there 4 u? Yes things wernt perfect but did you really ever do anything for me? It should have been me leaving you! But no I wanted a family and i stuck it out! well i hope if the grass is greener it soon dies and i wont be there waiting 4 u! I hope you fall in love and get hurt twice as bad lets see how u like it? Lets see how u handle the cold, what you done and your way about it was cruel and evil! I should have known after i learnt how dysfunctional your family is it wouldnt last! What a fool i am! How much u put me through for those 6 yrs, You told me I had to be happy when u eneded it U toild me i wasnt allowed to be said, You ****in cruel bitch, Happy for the sake of our daughter, FOR THE SAKE OF OUR DAUGHTER???????? Then why rub in my face all the details of how your ****ing others? Is that considerate of our child? Did u think that wouldnt cause a problem? Your a coward I wont tell you how my life is hell how sick I feel how i want to end it every living second? what did i do to be treated like this? I even gave my friends up 4 u! Now wat do i hav? NOTHING I only get to see my daughter every two weeks after seeing her every day of her life just because men arnt there in your family for there kids they are in mine!!! Thanks for putting me through hell thanks 4 making me want to get killed as i will never kill myself 4 u no matter how unbearable things get! I now understand why so many people do there exs over on the tv in the newspapers cus there mental health has been ****ed with, Oh yeah wat did u say i made u become that person? How many insults to injury are u gonna give me to deal with u selfish ghetto whore? U are dead 2 me but was never alive in the first place I hope u believe in karma cus i do! I know what my probs were u obviously dnt, lets see how many more *** ups u make in life???

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earthfireuk

I bloody loved you, more than any girl i have ever been with in my life.

I feel like the time we had together was false. I don't think you ever truely loved me. Im such a fool for putting so much into something that didn't exist. It's ironic that the car we bought together was a Mirage, as it seems your feelings for me were also an illusion.

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listen_to_me_please

bang bang, she shot you dead, bang bang, i'm watching kill bill.

why did you want to hurt me.

i'm sorry.

i think you screwed up my head

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You're not the same girl. The one who I fell in love with would never have hurt me. You promised you'd always be with me and always want me. I didn't ask you to promise that and I didn't even expect it to last FOREVER but you chose to say it... now you chose to hurt me. WTF??

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LoveTruthChaos

Hey,

 

I can't even feel you in my energy field anymore. I think about you, and there's so little emotion involved in those thoughts that I wonder if I ever knew you at all? So, Karma can come to you now. Because now, I barely even care if I hear of it or not.

 

And when I masturbated last night, I thought of my friend. My friend who I've been chatting to almost every night. My friend who tells me, play by play, what he wants to do to me in bed. And it's more than you ever did.

 

And when you're 85 years old and sitting there all alone, thinking of me - like you said you would - you WILL regret what you walked away from. Because I will have everything, and you will have nothing.

 

It's almost time to say goodbye now honey.

I hope that you're life is worth it without me.

Maybe then you can finally find the peace you're searching for.

You would have had it with me...but I no longer have to waste it on you.

 

MWAH! *beep*

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LikeCharlotte

W-

What the hell? I am in a relationship now and I plan to continue as it stands. Im in knee deep now so I wont be walking away. You clearly were not interested when I was not comitted. If you have something to say, spit it out already. Stop telling me that you think I should go for it in my relationship when your actions say otherwise. I dont respect dishonesty. Our friendship is important to me but if you are want more just tell me so I can at least know what I am dealing with. We may not be able to resolve but at least we can talk and be real. Please? I dont bite. Ill be gone before you can blink either way. I just want to know the truth.

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DoomedinLove
:mad: You A**hole, if you don't care anymore why do you make me believe you do? Actions do speak louder than words and the way you act tells me you couldn't care less about me. I really am not that stupid. Why am I hanging around hoping you will finally tell me to get lost? You tell me you want to spend time with me and I sit around for your phone call, and you don't call =( Why am I being so pathetic? And to top it off you live like 50 FT from me! You act like I can't go over there and knock on your door! Just tell me you don't care so I can leave you alone. Stop telling me lies! Grow some balls and tel me how you really feel!
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hurt and devastated

I like how you conveniently forgot to tell me you were gonna have a guy over with your girlfriend. "Old friend". "Just catching up". I can understand him staying the night, but in bed with you?? That's right, YOUR SON told me! I suppose it's just a coincidence that he rode with you and MY KIDS to a 4th of July party yesterday. Did you sleep with him last night again? I couldn't even function yesterday after I found out. Do you have any idea how bad you're hurting me? You keep telling me you want to work on yourself, but how is this fixing anything?

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LoveTruthChaos

Hey again R,

 

You know...I don't know you anymore. I don't think I ever knew you. But you know what's even sadder? You don't even know who you are.

 

I almost feel sorry for you.

Almost.

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listen_to_me_please

how come you never contacted me in 2+ years?

the only people i've done that too were the ones i never really cared to be with or miss.

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Username37

Wanna be my friend? I don't think so. You treated me like ****. The first bitchy thing you did was telling everyone that this break up was mutual. Now why would you tell everyone this? Because you didn't want to look like the bitch! Everyone in our damn school knows we're a couple and you flat out and told everyone "oh it was a mutual understanding and we wish each other the best" BULL**** you dumped me and I'm telling everyone the truth. You were afraid that everyone was going to take my side. And I'm so sick of hearing people saying "oh she's so smart and has a good relationship with God" Well guess what? God can see you screwing around with another guy AND partying up with your drunk and stoner friends. You were a good girl, what happened? Oh that's right, you lost weight. Seriously, you call me unsupportive? I stuck by you when you were a fat-ass and when you had that lump on your eye. Now that you lost all that weight and more guys started eyeing you (the kind of guys that WOULDN'T have if you were still a tub of lard) you decided "**** this guy" I got a wave of guys after me. But you didn't want to tell me "I want to date other guys" because it would make you look like a bitch. You waited. You waited for the time for me to **** up just so you can dump me. Everything you told me was just a cover up. Really, you just want to screw around with the people now eyeing you. Just remember this. I loved you for you. I didn't care what you looked like. You're inner beauty made me fall for you. Now I don't even know you anymore. You told me in that letter "Whatever you hear, remember, you know the real me and I don't want you to forget that." So basically you admit that you're a **** up and you don't care. Wow, I don't know the real you anymore. You're a puppet and you can't think for yourself. You have to get your friends to make all your choices. The real you is pretty much dead. I want THAT girl back.

 

I can't be your friend. It's impossible. You make it complicated. I miss you. The real you.

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Chitowngirl

I ended it with you today. I forgot what it felt like to love. I had to end it and walk away. If I stayed I'm sure the hurt and pain and sadness would be 10 times worse years from now when you're still married to your whore scumbag wife. You said you'd get divorced some day and wanted kids with me, but I'm not waiting around for you. File tomorrow if you wanted to. You're so fake. Your marriage is a sham. You're a doormat pushover pu**y, or a liar. I loved you but I never said it b/c I knew I couldnt continue this for much longer. You are really old. Even if you filed for divorce today, it would take yrs to finalize and you'd be like 55 by then. I wish I didn't feel dead today but I do. Thanks for making me know I can love. I was starting to wonder if I could anymore. Thanks for that I guess.

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So... I'm finally over you.

 

Yes in the past I niggled and controlled but you know what? You DID do things that made me feel so insecure and jealous. I won't ever be controlling with anyone else because it's not fair. But you did do a lot of things that made me really unhappy. It always felt like I was losing you and maybe part of the reason you left was because I was controlling, I certainly played a part. But you chose to act how you did.

 

What tops it all off is that you cheated on me (it's still cheating after we split up - technically not but it is cheating if you ever really loved me). With a guy who I'd told you fancied you and you were leading on. you told me I was being controlling then but I wasn't... I was right about it. And I was right that you were leading him on.

 

That doesn't mean to say I was right all along but I was right this time.

 

I hope one day when you're older you realise what a bitch you were to me. I've learned from our relationship and I have changed for the better. But you haven't. You don't think you were in the wrong at all ever.

 

I've maintained no contact for two days now and it's getting easier to keep up. I want you to contact me one day and beg for me back. I know that sounds heartless but I do. I want you to feel like you've lost something, someone special. Because for all I had my faults I loved you and I would have done anything for you.

 

I'm not absolving myself of blame. we were both young (still are) and I was a fool. But it wasn't all me.

 

I know that one day you will miss me...

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