Post here instead of contacting your ex!

[wendigo]

So I've moved all my stuff out. Not that I have anywhere to live. When I was packing I had a black eye from where you hit me and a painful water infection from where you kicked me and several bruises on my arms and legs from where you threw me around the hall and yard where your dog bit me.

 

"I didn't hit you. You must have done it with your arm or something."

 

"Your injuries are a result of you not being able to control yourself."

 

"I don't cross my t's and dot my i's" (on me talking about safe sex and how you didn't give me a choice when we first met).

 

So why today have I wanted you all day..... I feel like you are thinking about things. I am seeing some things I could do better. You saying you should have given me time to talk when I was upset was so nice to hear - but I feel it was a one off and something that I wish had come much earlier in the relationship and stayed. I don't want to get angry in front of anyone in that way any more. I know slapping you was wrong. Shouting at you was wrong. But laughing at me when I am crying and not speaking to me for 2 days is wrong too and sorry, but so is going off on your own for your birthday without me when you are still telling me you love me and telling everyone we are still together when we are not.

 

When my mum was aggresively commenting on bad drivers today, like always, it effected me so deeply. It's so agressive. So unneccssary. Is that how it feels to you when I am angry. Is it really unbearable? But I am angry because you take things the wrong way and hurt me because you think I am having a go at you. I'm not. I'm just trying to get some support, reassurance or affection from you. You know you are not forthcoming with it, that's why I need it. I can't deal with the awful things you say to me - another reason why I need it. How you scare me by saying how s*** our relationship is. I was trying to live my life and you were shaking it on an almost daily basis, making it impossible, it has made me very very depressed. I have often reacted by shouting, desperate for yo uto listen to me. I am terrified when you say these things. Do you know that? I am terrified for you to leave. My whole world is falling apart in these situations I feel like I am losing you, my home, my life in a moment. How can you take it all away from me in a flash. So often.

 

I wish you would have come and talked to a counsellor.

 

Yesterday I with heart and mind moved away from you when I realised you think so literally about everything. You can't see how your behaviour effects others which leaves me/otthers being treated very heartlessly. You think you are always right and other people's feelings don't matter and that you must get what you want whatever it takes. This will leave you lonely..... and that makes me sad.

 

This morning I woke up desperate to feel your touch and cuddle up with you in bed. My body has been hot and warm with hormones and chemicals craving you.

 

But you will just hurt me again won't you....

 

This is crazy. You are obvioulsy no good for me. But it's still hard to let go. I loved our life together... it's just ... there should have been more time for it and more of a priority to you...

 

But obvisouly your priority is things... not people... you... not others = lonliness

 

If only you had given some time so we could just learn to communicate with each other. You had everything with me. There was so much more to come. I wanted to be with you. Wanted kids..... but I don't want to be sad or angry in front of them. And that could only happen if I was happy and with someone who could love and support me and not think I am having a go at them all the time and so witholding so much from me. I loved you. I was not having a go at you. ... just trying to get my normal healthy basic needs met

 

oh god...I'm exhausted.

[MJEW]

Dear IC:

 

In order for me to forgive myself and move on I need to say good bye and close the door to you.

 

I have been living with this shame, this hurt, this guilt for too long and now I need to put it somewhere, not keep it inside of me.

 

Goodbye IC, I will always love you, I will always care...but I will no longer let you haunt me, nor will I keep blaming myself for the break down of our marriage.

 

I want to live, I want to love, I want to feel joy inside, and I can't do that holding this all in there...it is an emotional block for me....and I CHOOSE to carry on...without it.

 

Good-bye

MW

[deux ex machina]

I just thank God I am not with you. That I went NC just in time to be (reasonably) steady and strong for what lies ahead. I have to be there for my friend, and I know for a fact that if I were around you in any way, you would make me pay a huge toll somewhere along the line for the offense of not paying total attention to you-you-you and your ever changing and unmeetable needs for a single nanosecond...because it will always and forever be all about you.

 

You would do nothing but give me a hard time and distract me so I couldn't be there and fully present when my friend is so ill. I am very grateful I found this site.

[Thorgs]

My penis misses you, but I don't think the rest of me does. Too bad because you had an amazing, loyal guy at your side.

[LostInTurn]

Hi,

 

You'll never understand...

 

I have tried to justify the situation countless times. When I wrote you, I was reaching out. When I heard from you, I felt as though I had all the hope in the world.

 

Do you understand how when you were angry, you said such hurtful things? Things that I cannot forgot? Do you understand my words were a reaction to your actions? I don't think you understand this.

 

I don't think you miss me or what we had as you claimed you do. I don't think you miss running your fingers through my hair or rubbing my nose. I don't think you miss it at all. Because when I think of those things, I drop. I cry and I drop to the floor. Why? Because I gave you my heart and soul. More than I had given anyone. I thought you were different, you seemed different. I saw you through so much. When you moved, I felt so lucky. But what was for me?

 

I hope one day you cannot sleep and think of me. Perhaps I will haunt your dreams one night and wake you from your sleep. Remember me and the magnitude of gestures I was always doing for you. I lived to make sure you were cared for.

 

All I did was love you. When you wouldn't answer the phone... I cannot convey the pain you caused and continue to cause.

 

Some days I imagine we'll talk again, but I know we cannot.

 

I know you were angry when this all occurred. Perhaps you're not as angry anymore.

 

But of all the things I know, I know this to be true. One day, I don't know when... you will realize. You will look back and see that I cared for you the way someone cares for someone when they love them unconditionally, the kind of love that fills a room and is 'I can't live without you love'. You will realize one day what you lost. When you realize I know it will hurt you, and stay with you.

 

I'm not a mean person, but I want you to hurt. I want you to feel something similar to all the pain and loss you have caused me.

 

"Funny, the way it is..."

[Username37]

You rebounded. You know what that tells me? That you cannot be by yourself, you're insecure, you want the shortcut out, and that you're a slut.

 

Wanna be friends? Get the old you back

[Dying]

It's hard to sort through all the lies and find the truths, but still I know that some must exist. It's harder still to look past all the lies and know who you really are, but still, I know I love you. I know this is something you need to work on by yourself, and I admire you and love you even more for having the strength to do it. I still love you, and I really hope that you find what you're looking for in life, and that some day, you will be able to look in the mirror and really like the person you see. I know one day that will happen for you, and I only wish that I could be there to see it. I know that somewhere inside of you there is a good and honest person. I still think I had that person for a little while, and I hope you find him again one day. I don't think you ever meant to hurt me. Perhaps our one big mistake was loving each other so much that we forgot to love ourselves.

 

But..

 

It's the other person inside you that makes this so hard. how could you do those things to someone you loved? I've always been there for you. I loved you and supported you through everything, and you took advantage of it. When you knew that you were no longer in love with me, you still strung me along. You tossed me back and forth like a yo yo, and I kept returning. You knew that we were over, that it wasn't gonna work, and that you didn't even want it to, and yet you kept calling me back, and I kept coming. In some strange way, you used me to get over me. And I let it happen. And now you are over me, and I'm stuck at the beginning. And I'm living with the anger, both at you, and at myself. But still, I will always love you, and I'm learning to love myself again, despite the mistakes we've both made. But I'm also left wondering if anything that we had ever meant anything to you. How easy it is for you to just rid your life of any memory of my existence.

 

I know we both came into this with our own issues. Opposite, yet complementary. We matched up so perfectly that we were practically doomed from the beginning. I only wish that we would have found each other later, after having lived and learned all these lessons. We're both a little wiser now, and I don't think we would have made the same mistakes. I recognize my part in what has happened. I've learned, and I've grown, and I know I'll be a better person for it. I just wish that it hadn't taken losing you to do it. I know you recognize your part as well, and I have faith that you will find that person inside and be a better partner for whoever is lucky enough to have you.

[collegeguy_24]

Dear J.

 

I want to email ou, text you can call you so bad. I miss you, the time tha we were together was the happiest, greatest moments of my life. When we first had our problem during the 4th of July weekend, I forgave you, I accepted you back with open arms. But you broke my trust, even though you did not cheat, what you said to me was enough. You hugged me, yu cried into my shoulder for 15 minutes, chanting I'm sorry, over and over again.

 

You said you were willing to earn back my trust, and I believed you. Instead you hurt me more. Instead of working on our relationship, instead of trying to earn back my trust as you said, you bailed to hang out with your friends. Then you left to go visit your family on the east coast. When you return, you bring your cousin from Germany. When you returned, you couldn't keep your hands off me, you kept hugging me, holding my hand and rubbing my arm, you smiled all the time.

 

Then one time when you left to the restroom, your cousin told me how when you were with the family, you couldn't stop talking about me, you couldn't stop talking about how good I am to you, and how you see us together a year from now, possibly even longer. When you returned, I asked, and you agreed, you said you want me long term, you want me to be with you for as long as possible. I was so happy to hear that, happier beyond any and all words.

 

In private after your cousin left, you one again told me, and we even started making plans for Spring break next year, and a nice summer vacation for us both.

 

The 12 hours later, less then a day, you call me, you sound sad and upset and you want to talk. Worried something may be wrong, I drive to meet you, and you break up with me. It was so sudden, so unexpected, I don't remember much of that conversation, but I remember the feelings of hurt, and betrayal, and I also remember I yelled.

 

I yelled at you about how you were using me, about how you should have told me a month ago when you had doubts. I left angry and bitter, thats all I remember.

 

I later sent an email, not sure how long after, I apologized for my yelling, as yelling and throwing a fit was childish and uncalled for. You forgive me, saying I was justified. We meet up 2 days later to retrieve my things.

 

I am clear headed, and I ask questions, this time with no yelling and anger, but with a sense of wanting to know.

 

I ask why you decided to break up, you tell me you still care for me, at one point you loved me, but you are under extreme stress, and when you are you question things. You questioned about whether you loved m or not, and you broke up with me to protect me from hurt feelings down the road, and you acknowledge that you failed, you say you hurt me far worse then you anticipated, and you say your sorry for getting my hopes up only to crash them down.

 

You say you felt like you were using me, another reason you broke up. You sad you didn't want to use me, and I appreciate that thought. I ask if you would be willing to attend relationship counseling, you say you will consider it, thats all I ask.

 

It has now been 4 days since I last talked to you, one week since the break up. I know where yo are right now, you are picking up your parents and little sister and visiting your grand parents. They all expect to meet me, cause they are filled with thoughts of how good and loving I am. You never told them we broke up before they arrived, and I know you are telling them now.

 

I want you to know, I still love you. I have thought long and hard, I have explored my feelings, and I am even attending therapy, and they all tell me this.

 

I love you, I want to be with you, I am willing to do whatever it take, even if it mean waiting for you. I cannot even begin to explain how we are a good match, as I am running out of space and it is better said in person. I hope that after you visit family, after you have a chance to clear your head and deal with the stress, you will come back and say yes to counseling with me, that way we can both give this relationship our best. You are the woman I love, nothing will change that. But if you decide to not try and fix this relationship, then I will accept you as a friend, as I would rather have you as a friend then not have you at all.

 

I love you, I hope your family can help you. Till next time.

 

PS, To all reading this, this is actually an abridged version of what happened as it is far more complicated, but thanks for letting me post here.

[kelsmommy]

How sad.

 

When you dropped off the little one yesterday, you didn't seem happy at all. When I looked downstairs, where you waited for the cab, I saw you looking up at my window. Eventually I brought Little One to wave goodbye, but the fact that you were looking up made me shake my head.

 

You didn't look happy. But it is your own fault.

 

You will stay with her because it's convenient, because you are too afraid to do anything else. But you cannot keep me from moving on anymore.

 

I'm not sorry that you are dealing with this. I just hate seeing anybody sad.

 

You had a good thing and you squandered it. The regret will haunt you for years. This is my revenge against you.

[Iselia]

You texted me again today. I just deleted it and ignored you. I'm still so sad and disappointed. I would love to get back together, but only if you mature and grow up. You threw me away to explore college. You threw me away so you could have new relationships with strangers. You threw me away for someone who doesn't even want you. I wonder if you'll regret this decision in a few years?

[LostInTurn]

Hi...

 

I'd ask how you are, but I probably wouldn't hear anyway.

 

The days are hard for me. I imagine you think of me and realize all I did for you. I hope that in some way you feel, but a portion of the pain and hurt I'm feeling.

 

You truly did break me. You blamed so much on me; which was unfair. I was so amazing to you. All I did was everything for you. You viewed some of the things I said as 'mean'. Well, many of the things you said when you were upset were mean and hurtful. Your actions were mean and hurtful. Meanwhile, I sit here dealing with it. I wonder if you even think of it.

 

I wonder if we will ever speak again. Although, I don't think we will.

 

If you loved me the way you claimed... why do I sit alone or on the phone with friends crying because of you?

[Bespectacled]

You ruined me completely.

[wendigo]

Your text was soft. It was lovely. I wanted to tell you it was lovely. I wanted to say I appreciated it and it made me feel nice and well done for communicating nicely. But it shocked and confused me. It made me feel like you wanted me. you used soft words... tiger, snooze... this is all so confusing for me.

 

today. I had a realisation.

 

it is easier to accept than to not accept

 

not accepting means heartache.

 

but you must also accept what hurts you, hurts you.

 

you must accept that being hurt makes you unhappy.

 

and so in order to be happy you have to move away from the hurt and accept that you have to move away so you do not hurt anymore

 

you have said a lot to me that I do not accept you the way you are and that I must or leave if I am not happy because you are not going to change

 

You say you are happy with me, no problems.

 

But that is not true.

 

You do not accept that things you do hurt me.

 

You don't because you think they shouldn't.

 

But they do.

 

And you cannot accept me hurting.

 

If you think I shouldn't be hurting, for whatever reason, then you don't accept I am hurt - and normally respond with anger at my 'accusation' or 'criticism'.

 

And so.

 

You have no reason to change.

 

No reason to support me.

 

And what is left?

 

Me. In pain. Hurting.

 

But you don't see it because you don't accept it. You don't accept I hurt.

 

If you kick me. I hurt. But if you say things that make me feel insecure, like how s*** the relationship is, how I have to accept you as you are and how I am not allowed to be hurt by you or call you on anything. You expect me not to be hurt by this. You expect me to feel safe and secure and supported? To still love you and accept you as you are. I have never felt so unsafe, unstable, unloved just so scared to express any hurt - I'm on egg shells. I want you to love me and help me when I hurt.

 

You don't accept me hurt by you. Almost like it is impossible - a myth. Like you could never make a mistake or be wrong in anything you say or do.

 

i want to negotiate with you. but I don't think you will because you are impossible. you will never believe you can hurt me (unless it's physical). Yet you would say I hurt you by saying you hurt me - my 'criticisms'. That's me hurting you in a non-violent way. you will only ever think I am wrong and the problem. how could you possibly do something wrong? Or be out of order? (but you know you do baby, you don't need to put up a strong man perfectionist act with me - I will accept your mistakes, and weaknesses, forgive and forget - within reaosn of course, not if you cheated on me - if only you could too). You still hold so much against me from the past. Me shouting. Ripping the bedclothes off the bed. The maybe 3 times I threw something at the wall. I have slapped you twice. I have jumped up and down screaming like a child as you are saying to me it's over (again) and I see my whole life falling apart in front of me. I am shouting scared. I love you. I don't want to lose you. Please don't do this to me, I can't cope. Don't ignore me for days. Please it hurts me so much.... I stop you from leaving the house in whatever way I can, panicking - my world is falling apart... all I want is security, love and time.

 

Please just set a finalisation boundary with your ex fwb for 10 years. Then I will feel secure. You slept in the same bed as her til you met me. Please show me some respect and set it with her because she still wants you. I know you say don't want her but I am scared to believe it in case you hate me so much you go back to her. I don't feel loved by you (because you won't tell me you love me off your own back) and because of you going off on your own for your birthday - there needs to be an atmosphere of love and security and then maybe I could trust and respect your friendship with her if you respect my boundaries that she needs to know the door is closed. Whilst you are saying how s*** things are with us I am never going to trust you want to be with me and that I am your priority whilst you refuse to set the boundary with her. Just think back to how things were when you said you would?..... things were so great then.

 

It's now time for me to accept you won't meet me half way. You won't negotiate. You see no reason to and believe people shouldn't have to negotiate and people should just accept each other as they are. That is your principle.

 

It's time for me to realise that I can't accept that. I can't accept you. You can't accept me.

 

We have to accept it's over. I don't want to . I have no principles to uphold, only requests you consider my needs and feelings - but I can't make you. It's just the way you are. But then. You would tell me you are not this way......... and I get so lost in it all. We both right now are so lost in it all.

 

The way you clinig to not setting boundaries with her is a huge concern for me. You are leaving me because of it. But you are losing so much. You are in so much pain without me right now...... and I am without you.... it seems such a simple thing to fix. I don't understand. I don't know the truth of what is really going on. Is this really on a principle you are throwing everything away just beacuse I am asking you to set a boundary? Really? 2 and half years? Our future? It looks so suspicious. But I don't think it is. But this principle thing is just crazy. You are so scared thinking I want to control and change you. Well baby I'm not.

 

You say you wont come to counselling because you don't want to pay?????

 

??????????????????????????????????????????????????????

 

I'm tired baby. Tired.

 

I say we have to go to counselling because I can't see how we can talk to each other. I want to talk and understand. Don't you? It's exhausting.

 

I'm tired baby............... please don't throw this away....... so tired......

[TheUnthoughtKnown]

I keep thinking about you. I hate it, I truly, truly do. You f*cking hurt me like I never thought you would and you really don't f*cking deserve all I did for you and all that I was for you. F*ck living your life like that? Like what, like someone puts you in your place once in a while? If you do something I disagree with, if it affects me I am more than entitled to tell you so. Okay, I did wrong by getting angry. But to say the things you said in the aftermath of that was wrong. To force me into a confrontation with your mother instead of you was pathetic. I would never ever f*cking do something like that to you.

 

Know what I really f*cking hate? What I despise? Is that you made me feel like such a child because I ran after you, and you just strung me along. Then you text me after a month of silence and ask that I take 100% blame? F*ck you, dear, its not happening. How f*cking dare you treat me like sh*t then refuse to apologise THEN ask me to take blame THEN ignore me altogether when I refuse!

 

I would never have done that to you, you selfish wh*re. You ripped my f*cking life apart with your bullsh*t attitude! And now I think about you every single day. The memory of you stops me from going places I want to go, doing things I like to do, you've F*CKED ME UP YOU B*TCH!!! Why am I still hung up on you?! You're a worthless piece of sh*t. I'm sick of loving you, giving time and attention to you. I need far more than you were willing to give, you selfish, irresponsible, childish, naive, wh*rish, pathetic excuse of a woman!!

 

____________________________________________________________________________________

 

Whew, thanks guys. I think I really needed that. Cheers

[LostInTurn]

Sometimes, I imagine it happened differently.

 

We got so angry.

 

I want to get over you.

 

I miss you.

 

I wish we could have spoken.

[Iselia]

You texted me again today! You left for college...

 

I saw what you posted on that site. I need to stop looking at it dammit, dammit, dammit. You were posted about HER again. You said "I miss her, I just want to hug her again." You confirmed it was HER not me you were wanting to hug. I am beginning to HATE you for this. You are SO selfish and SO immature I just want to f*cking slap some f*cking sense into you! SHE DOESN'T EVEN WANT YOU!!!! ;_; Why can't you realize love is more than some attraction and some sh*tty crush.

[LostInTurn]

You are missed.

 

Perhaps I am a bit too.

 

A piece of me wishes I knew.

[WolfRouge]

I love you and miss you. I wish you'd love me again too. I hate that the plans we made aren't gonna happen. Life is s***, eh. Well... Maybe not for you. Do you even think about me? Or miss me?

[Username37]

August 23rd. The first time seeing you in MONTHS.

 

Get ready. For you're going to see a new me. You're gonna see a whole new me and it's gonna blow you away.

 

Get ready you annorexic, fake, slutty, whore, cunt, ****ing bitch.

[Lost Fish]

How can you just shut down to me after nearly 3 years of conversing daily?

 

This loneliness is hard, but the pain of your coldness at the end was worse.

 

I am worth so much more than you realize, and I can only hope one day it hits you in the gut when you realize what you have thrown away.

 

I know you are thinking about me, I can just feel it.

 

I am worth so much more than you ever realized.

 

So much more.

[LostInTurn]

I could never say I don't miss you because I do, so much.

 

There are days I wish we could talk and other days I know it's best we don't.

 

There are moments when I wonder if you ever want to call.

 

I wonder if you ever catch yourself thinking of me as you drive.

 

Do you wonder what I'm doing? Miss my smile? Miss how when our eyes met was amazing? That thought just brought tears to my eys.

[howlong]

Is there no way to get through to you? Did you really just shut "it" off? Just like that?

Can you give me some tips on how to do that? I would love to know.

 

You thought I was something I wasn't, that's my guess....you thought I was stronger than I was, I think I did too. I wasn't ready. I wish I had waited. I wish you realized that and would bear with me....not give up. You tore my heart to pieces...

[Shakz]

Why did you change, Cheryl? What did I do? We were champions, you and I. We helped your sister fight her cancer together and with God's help we won. Then you decided that to the victor goes the spoils. Suddenly I was no longer an ally. I became the enemy. You got addicted to making war. Now you are with a man who is a far greater adversary than you had expected. So you come running to me, your old ally. What would you have me do? You made your bed. Sleep in it. You broke my heart and I have been seven long years mending. Please, leave me alone. I will always care for you, but I can no longer hold your hand and solve your problems. Trust yourself, and fight.

[Maverick1983]

There are days I really miss you,there are days I feel too good for you,there are days I think you deserve better, there are days I wish I could have another chance and make you happy again and there are days when I see no point in trying again and just getting on with things.You pretend everythings ok with you but I know you better than anyone and I know you are not ok and I'll always care and worry about you but it's no longer my job to be your safety net.You know how I feel I wish I could say the same.I wish I knew how you felt.

[boosh]

I miss you more than you know. I thought I was doing better, but I just can't shake it. I wish things were different, back to the way they were. You've probably already moved on...