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LikeCharlotte

W-

What the hell is wrong with you? You don't want to F everything up so just to be absolutley certain you won't do it if it all works out you do it beforehand. You know, just in case. I am so angry with you right now that I cannot even form the words. I am dissapointed and hurt. More in myself than with you. I am a complete idiot and I thought I could see something in you that clearly is not there. I thought you were so cool. Great job breaking my heart. So glad we are friends.

-LC

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scottishlassy

J,

 

Hope your having a wonderful time living with your mommy and daddy not paying a damn bill while I am struggling to pay all of the ones you left me with! Thank you for ruining me financially! Deeply appreciate it! Hope you find someone just like you and she pays you back in kind twice over!

 

H

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collegeguy_24

I am eager for this Sunday, the day we meet. I want to know what you will say to me, what you want with me, what your excuse is.

 

You claim you never cheated on me, yet the time line, and every single person I talked to, including a psychologist, all says the same.

 

You cheated.

 

I want to know the truth, I want to know if you cheated, I want to hear you defend yourself. I want to know if you ever cared about me, or if I was just a game, a person taking a position until you could nail the other guy.

 

Did you have sex with him already? You denied me sex for months, and yet I feel as if you already slept with him.

 

I want the truth, no more lies, no more games.

 

This time I am sticking to my guns.

 

I still love you, I will take you back provided this time, your willing to earn back my trust.

 

Last time, you said you would, then you bailed, each and every single time.

 

This time, you bail, its over for good.

 

I will no longer tolerate such attitudes, you either want me or you don't.

 

I gave everything to you, and you took it all and threw it away. I want you back so bad, but you have to work for it, just as I will work for it.

 

That goes for either the relationship, or a friendship.

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LikeCharlotte

I did not think about it again until just now so I suppose I do not care all that much. In fact I do not think I care at all. I feel nothing. Hope that is what you wanted.

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Hello Gorgeous,

 

Time and space is what you asked for and that is what I'm giving you. Loving you through no contact.

 

I miss your smell and the feel of cuddling you before falling asleep.

I miss making coffee for us in the morning and washing dishes together in the evening.

 

How could something so intense come to nothing in such a short space in time. I wish you had been in a different stage in your life,

maybe you would have thought it worthwhile to push on to the next stage of our relationship.

 

Thank you for everything, even for this pain which is teaching me so much.

 

I guess I miss you far better than I loved you.

 

R

Edited by RDawg
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listen_to_me_please

it hasn't been the same since you left or did i throw you out, i don't know anymore, you messed up my head and i haven't seen or heard from you in 3 years.

 

guess you never did love me if you cheated on me twice.

guess you were just using me.

you damaged my head and my business

i damaged my head and my business

 

thank god i had the courage to tell you to **** off once the truth came to light, i still don't understand why you started crying and begged me not to fire you. i guess you just wanted the money.

 

it was over for a long time, i just had not realized.

the sex was good.

 

i can hear other people's thoughts. i think i am going mad.

Edited by listen_to_me_please
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LoveTruthChaos

You've been in my head today.

I heard music you introduced me to

I heard music that you threw in my face when you dumped me

I saw a movie with a couple that kissed

They kissed on the same spot that we kissed in Grand Central Station.

Our first kiss after 10 months of waiting between kisses.

What a lovely whirlwind we had.

I'll probably never have that sort of fantasy romance in another country again.

And I do love New York, with or without you in it.

 

I actually want to thank you for the time you gave me.

It was lovely, while it lasted.

I think you were emotionally cheating on me the whole time, but I still love the time we had together because I didn't know.

 

I think I fell in love with a lie.

Today's been a really rough day.

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LoveTruthChaos

Are you serious?

Now 'Before Sunrise' is on TV.

Their story mirrors ours in so many ways....

 

*sigh*

 

I think I'll crawl into a hole now.

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You're back in London now and I think your move back has put the nail in the coffin for us. I think about you every single day and somewhere deep down I know that you still think about me. The only difference is you have another person in your life to help you forget about me slowly. I know that you deleted every picture of us on facebook and f*ck did that hurt me. It's like you're slowly deleting memories of us. But I know everywhere you turn you're going to think about me when you're in London. The whole reason you're even there was because you moved for ME. That entire town has memories painted of us whether good or bad.

 

Around this time last year was the start of our turbulent relationship. And I know that starting from now until forever you're only going to remember last year and not the wonderful years we had before. Or how this was the time when we first met each other and started the greatest friendship I've ever had.

 

I wonder if all those quotes I said to you and you put them all down on sticky notes are still up around your room. I wonder if the scrapbook I made for you is still at least in visible sight and not hidden away in a closet somewhere to collect dust.

 

I hope you're taking care of Scarlett and not leaving her at home alone while you party and drink like you did last year. Your sister, nor I, will be there to look after her this time around. I hope you walk her instead of keeping her in your apartment day in and out. She deserves to be paid attention to and not having her owner come in at wee hours of the night to give her a couple rubs on the back drunk and then pass out.

 

But I could be wrong. Maybe your new bf has kept you grounded and not out of control like when you were with me before last year. If he has what I had starting 5 years ago, then I know he's a lucky guy. God, I miss the old you.

 

All the best this year *******, work hard and here's hoping that you become the good and moral person that I met back in 2005.

Edited by rattled
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T minus 27 hours till we meet.

 

I am nervous, and scared, I will admit it. But you are the one who wanted to meet, so I shall hear what you have to say. I can see your new BF's face book, and it says you still in a relationship.

 

I use that, I use it to remind myself that a chance for another relationship is gone. It helps to remind me that you are gone for good. I miss you, I love you.

 

When you gave me hope, when you said I am the kind of guy you wanted to marry, I was so happy. I would love to marry you, to make you happy, but its obvious that you don't want that, or you were lying.

 

I shall wait till tomorrow, and see how it goes.

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OK, it seems a few of us have had a rough time with the darned NC. I had fantasies today of unloading all this anger, longing, and "WTF" onto my ex. I am creating this thread as a place for all of us in pain to post instead of contacting Ms/Mr ex. It could actually be kind of fun, at least a release.

 

I had a friend with a terrier dog who used to look out the window and whenever he saw another dog or squirrel or whatever dogs want to kill he would grab the nearest object and shake it furiously, all the while glaring at the object of his hatred, and barking/growling with his mouth full. It was hilarious and poignant, and I have to say, I relate to that pup!

 

What would you like to tell him or her? Even if it's been building up for years, post it here! Rage-fest! Longing-fest! DO NOT CONTACT that frigging ex, put it all here!!

 

Let me tell you why?.. The last time I did that, that A-hole insulted me IN PUBLIC, and then called his girlfriend (I just realized she was never his wife! *%#%*!) coming over screamed at me IN PUBLIC. That's not enough! They called the cop on me accusing me for harassment.

 

One year later, I ran into that A-hole in public. He's all smiled and all eyes on me. I gave him a finger and walked away!

 

Two year later, they split for a few months! Reason? He actually screwed other woman and got caught! They went back together for money and kids.

I have nothing say to him…. just

wonder if that b*(# called the cop on that other woman(women?) for raping her guy?

Edited by emily d
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Tomorrow is the day, I am so scared.

 

I hope this time, you can tell me how you feel I hope you don't hold back like you've done in the past.

 

I miss you, I want you. I want to make your smile again, I want to see your eyes light up as we go to the movies.

 

I miss cooking dinner with you, I mis how you would be so happy playing with my dogs.

 

I hope, wish, and pray, that you tell me what you think tomorrow, that you explain how you hooked up so soon. And I hope you want to give us another chance.

 

Tomorrow is the day, 2pm, coffee house, god my heart is racing.

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Yeah well, your not really an ex, but I'll still post anyway. I see that your new "relationship" didn't last very long, no surprise, you have no real stamina or staying power as is....

 

I guess the reason why I am most angry (aside from other reasons that no longer matter), is because from the way you acted, you acted like I was in the wrong, and that (among other things) turned out to a big fat lie. You lied about wanting to talk about things, and instead you slithered away like a cowardly snake.

 

You may be a "good guy" in your profession, but sadly, not when it comes to relationships.

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LoveTruthChaos

It's been 5 months since you left me to be with the girl you were cheating on me with, and EVERY DAY i ask myself why. I run through a million scenarios in my head that i could have changed...but I wouldn't have. I wonder what I need to change about myself to grow from this experience...but I come up trumps. I wonder what I could have done differently to keep you...but I would not have changed a thing. I wonder what I did in my lifetime to deserve the kind of punishment and pain that you've put me through...but i can't think of anything. I think and think and think over and over and over and I'm driving myself insane trying to think of the NOTHING that I did wrong.

 

I can't make something out of nothing.

 

I just want to know why, and I'll never get my answer. And even if I did, all you would feed me is lies. Why is this so hard? It shouldn't be this hard. You were my first love, and look how you've set me up for life. I can't help but feel that it's not meant to be like this. I just don't understand.

 

 

Did you leave me because I was so idealistic?

Did I love you too much?

Did the lights that danced in my eyes blind you?

Did my tears of happiness frighten you?

Was the Rainbow too bright?

Was my magic too powerful?

 

 

When you called me on that fateful day, I asked you if I had done something wrong and you assured me that I hadn't. I would love so very much to believe that as true, but if it was, those would be the only words of truth you ever spoke to me. So, what did I do?

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Today is the day, today, at 2PM in a coffee house in Bozeman Montana I meet you.

 

I am so nervous, I want you back so badly, but I know you don't want me, otherwise you wouldn't be with another man. I would give anything to have you back, even my own soul if need be.

 

I am nervous as to how the meeting will go. I know you wants to discuss how you never cheated on me, despite what the evidence has to say. You want to resolve our issues, but part of me is afraid that we can never resolve them.

 

I know they can be resolved if you wanted to try again on our relationship, but not through any other means. Cause the issues are simple, yet complicated.

 

You said you love me, you said you see us together a year from now, you said I am the kind of man you wanted to marry. You repeated those things to me the day before you left me.

 

The only way we can truly resolve our issues is if you stop running and instead stay with me and fight to work on them. Things can work out, but you need to stop running.

 

All you have done throughout our relationship when there as a problem was run, I can understand your fear, I truly do.

 

But I am willing to work on them, I am willing to do anything to win you back.

 

I know relationship counseling probably was not the best idea I had, and I am willing to take it off the table, but instead work on our problems between the two of us.

 

Today I will hopefully find out where we stand, and hopefully it will be what I want, but I know its not possible.

 

I still love you Jen, and I always will.

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This is it, the time is approaching.

 

In but a few minutes I shall leave my home, in an hour we shall meet.

 

I do hope this goes well Jen, I really do.

 

I care for you, I always will, but I will no longer be strung along. You must make a decision. I have given you everything, and you have given me everything.

 

We can still do this, we can still make it work, its not to late. Give us a chance Jen, please be willing to try.

 

In one hour, we shall see what develops.

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Damn ...I miss you so much. I think. I don't really know, I just feel lonely, and I wish I could just call you and say HI and hear you say I love you and we can just pretend this whole thing never happened. I can't believe I haven't heard your voice since July 31. How can that be? I miss love...I miss who I thought you were.

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Nicole -

 

You ripped my heart from my chest after I fell so hard for you after a few short months. 9 Months after you left me to fend for myself blindly in the dark... damning my thoughts... and suffocating the very life force that flows through me... and here you are on facebook asking for forgiveness? You expect my pity and forgiveness because you were not in the 'right place' at the time, but now that you're in a much better place everything is well?

 

They say forgiveness is gold... and that a new tomorrow begins in our hearts. That doesn't hold true for you. You knew how to destroy my heart... and can't even begin to fathom how much it affected me. My life. My work.

 

For months I could close my eyes and stand upon the sandy shores of the ocean dreaming for the day you would return... but with each passing moment that place I would dream about... where the sky was deep and blue... would end in tears. Until the day I found myself upon my knees digging deep into the earth where I would forever bury that place in my heart once held for you.

 

I had to learn to live with my loneliness... I had to endure the darkest, dreariest of nights in my head without you. There is so much I want to say... to speak my mind in truth and aphorism, but in my hour of desperate need I find myself here in a place I least expected.

 

Tell me now what is it about contacting me that will bring you peace of mind? No good may come of it. When you lose your self-esteem, that's when love dies....

 

We are human. We are weak. We are insecure. We are vulnerable...

 

 

...I am....

 

.....and you took advantage of that.

 

I write these words spoken in thought that encumber my heart... my mind... my soul... ellipses....

 

I've faced all my demons, finally content with everything I am. For once, I'm at peace... I was burdened, but I've found closure from within. You should too. I'm glad to hear you're well, but there is no place for you in my life. I'm moving on and so should you...

 

What's done is done... you left my heart in pieces... left me to fend for myself while I scramble to reassemble them blindly... for weeks I would pretend I was ok... and within the blink of an eye and a distant memory of you, it was all broken once more. I will not allow that... I cannot allow it.

 

It was hard to deal with the pain of losing you. It was hard to force a smile. I had to force myself out of bed... and because of you... now... my heart is not open. The only thing I could thank you for is allowing me to learn more of myself... who I am... took me nearly a year, but at large cost. I've lost so much... more than I'm willing to share on an open forum...

 

...you're so consumed with the thoughts of what we were. The only way you shall ever see a glimpse of my heart and my smile... No. You cannot. Not even if you begged. The power of goodbye is a systemic nuance... it is truly in the association of farewells that the human psyche can flourish without being held in contempt. You were my lesson... I had to learn and I was your fortress you had to burn... There's nothing left to try between us... friendship... acquaintanceship... this time, Nicole, my heart is not open to you. Not now. Not ever.

 

I loved you so... but now it's really over. Those tears I cried over you brought me higher than I've ever been before. Now that my loneliness is through.. I'm going to find a better you.

 

Goodbye Nicole... do not expect a reply from me. I will not be as childish as you and block you on Facebook...

 

...my phone number is no more... on which you do not have and I am thankful for this.

 

I do not wish to hear from you ever again, but I hope, upon hope... that on your journey forward in life... you find happiness, success, love, and all those other great things.... but not with me. Now now... not ever.

 

Good luck & best wishes,

 

Love Always,

 

Rob.

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Well Jen, seeing you today did me some good. Even though there were tears and frustration on both sides, in the end, you gave me closure.

 

I am sorry things ended, and I have a feeling you are to if how you acted and what you said is any indication.

 

I still love you, with all my heart, I still want a future with you. I still belive there is hope we can get back together.

 

But for now, we must go our seperate ways. I will pray, pray that we find each other again. I will pray hat it be soon, very soon.

 

When you said today that you still care for me, that gave me hope that perhaps we can still be together, even if not in a relationship.

 

I will try my best to move on, but I cannot promise. If the opportunity arises to win you back, I will take it.

 

I love you. I know you loved me to, you said so many times.

 

I can't think of anything to say for now, except I love you, and I miss you.

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Da_1_n_OnlyN3na

....ughh! I wish i could go back and had forgiven you when you wanted to start fresh, when you were the one wanting things to work out! i was such a bitch and now i know karma is a bitch but its too late now!. I couldnt forgive and forget all those times you cheated on me and getting a lil girl pregnant while being with me. I rejected you so many times....me thinking i needed to get away from you i went through a slutty stage and ***ed a few guys. Because of this now your with someone else and I know i pushed you to her. *** it man, now your living with her in another state and probably dont even think about me anymore. I never thought this would ever happen....you forgeting about me and falling in love with someone else.

 

I think of all the times we were happy and when we used to live toguether and i think of everytime i cried for you. I know i was a bitch to you for a reason because you ***ed up first a bunch of times......i should have just let it go and not keep so much hate towards you because that messed our relationship up. Maybe if i had ben able to forgive you and tried to make it work we would probably still be toguether. You would still be in love with me and not her. But, i guess things happen for a reason right? No matter what the real reason you left to live with your girlfriend in another state....i guess we werent meant to be. God had this planned for a reason.

Even though you dont anymore...I really miss you:( ...and i still love you alot. Im not sure how long it will take for me to forget you but i really hope its soon because im dyin inside. Be safe and be happy even if its not with me. Bye forever ma love.

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LoveTruthChaos

Hey R,

 

I thought about you today, as I do every day. It has taken me five long months to realise that thinking of you is my way of holding on to you, although I don't want to. Or maybe I do. I still think of our time together as if it were yesterday. I'm tired of being the victim. I don't want to be. I don't want the pity. I do want people to know what you did. Unfortunately, I don't think they're ever going to find out. Maybe they already knew what you were like.

 

You know what you did though. I want it to eat you up every day, but you don't have a conscience. Sometimes, I wish that you would think of me from time to time...but you don't. I tell myself all the time and yet my heart doesn't seem to understand. Months before you broke up with me, you told me all about her - like you were telling a friend about a new girlfriend. You seemed to be transfixed with her. You wanted to save her. Why did you tell me? You're so mean, so cruel. I wasn't your friend. I was your girlfriend. ME. Not her.

 

*sigh*

 

But, now she's your girlfriend. When you think of me, I'm sure it's with hatred. Not that I did anything to you, but I'm sure you've invented a reason to hate me since there isn't one. When you spoke to me about your ex before me, it was with a mixture of contempt and questioning - as if you wanted me to help you try to analyse the female psyche. Oh no - I never let you in on any of our secrets. You're 42 honey - if you don't know by now, you never will, and I certainly wasn't about to help you.

 

I would like to think that you think about me from time to time, but I know that it's your ex before me that you will never get over. Plus, you're married to your mother. That I won't miss.

 

Look, I get it. It would never have worked because of the distance. It never would have worked because hey - you're just not good enough for me. Somewhere in this head that you've messed up, I understand all of this. But why, WHY did you do it like you did? There was no need.

 

You broke this little girl's heart. You broke it clean in two and I feel that not even the sunshine and the flowers can make it alright this time.

 

It hurts so very much that you took my smile away.

It hurts even more that you stole it and gave it to someone else.

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So... why didn't I bother calling you for the last month? I mean I always tried to tell myself how much I cared for you and how badly I wanted to keep you in my life.. but I surely didn't show it. I think that's what surprises me and it is definitely showing me the truth.

 

If I had really wanted to save it, I would have called, I would have done everything I could to keep it together..but I didn't. My subconscious saved me and knew all along what I really wanted. I realize now that I don't want you.

 

Yes I miss you, yes I loveD you. I was so fixated on something that I seldom saw within you, but it was never my place to try to change you. Maybe I miss the idea of you more than I miss the actual person.

 

I don't want to think about you anymore, I don't want to have those stupid happy memories course through my mind every time I hear some f*cking song or every time someone says some phrase or makes some comment that reminds me of you. I want to replace you with someone who is better in every way.

 

I want to hold on to the lessons I've gleaned, but I don't want to hold on to you anymore.

 

Get. Out.

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Well, you had to reappear didn't you. Why can't you give me some space? I didn't want to hear "I didn't mean to fall in love with S you know" You know that's a lie. You did mean to fall in love with her! You can't stay in a relationship... you get bored and you move on to the next person. That's who you are! And I wish I realised it before I fell for you.

 

You don't know what love is D. You never loved me... I realise that now. If you did, all this wouldn't have been so easy for you to do. So don't tell me you're sorry... I don't wanna hear it. I'm done with you and your games. I don't want a liar and a fake in my life.

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