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polywog

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Hey A,

 

Its almost 6 am and everyday for the last month I've either woken up around this time or actually go to sleep at this time. All because of you and my thoughts of you. I ran into a mutual friend the night you brought your new bf out to your friends bday on Saturday. It hit me so hard, you have no idea. He told me you were lying down drunk in the booth at the club all night. Typical. The guy that went from "oh I just work with him, I gotta just text him for directions to the new office" to "no i don't like him, stop teasing" to "it's just coffee it means nothing" to "i'm seeing him" to now your bf. I knew from the moment you texted him that he was going to grow into something. You denied like you do everything else with me. You can't lie to me and you know it yet you still do.

 

Honesty was never a strong trait of yours, it always had to be forced out of you or an ultimatum had to occur. Everyday I think about what exactly happen in the past year. The truth is I wondered if you EVER cared at all. Were you acting and playing some role the entire time?? I remember for homecoming when I broke up with you, you didnt grieve at all. Instead you went out got plastered out of your mind (like you always do) and basically said f*** you. In the summer just before we went NC you told me "but we had a good summer though right? You should be happy" I should be happy?? Were you just granting me the opportunity to be around you so I could be happy? What am I a five year old who should appreciate that you bought me a toy when I didnt deserve it??

 

It's funny how a month ago you told me "The relationship between me and him, it's probably not even close to what you think" and now? You're bringing him out to functions and stuff. You definitely slept with him. You definitely brought him home and introduced him to your mom and sister. All the things that took me months to do he's done it in a couple short weeks. Even when 2 weeks of that you were both vacationing and werent even with each other. To me you've become such a coward. You were unable to hold on to me once you found a new rush. Partying and drinking, new attention, new guy.When I first went to London and you were still in Toronto, I got all of that yet I still stuck it out with you. I could tell you were jealous so I stopped everything for you. You couldn't do half the sh*t i did for you. Non-appreciative self-righteous b*tch.

 

You know what else is funny? A couple dates with him and you considered it "dating/seeing him". With me? Seeing each other frequently, sleeping with each other, holding hands, kissing each other good night and it's considered "single". Wtf goes on in your head??

 

I hope youre taking care of Scarlett because you have no idea how badly I want to see her. It sucks that she has you to just do nothing with. Couped up in the tiny apartment all day or in the cage. Probably never walked her a day since you got back to London.

 

If it weren't for me you'd probably wouldnt even be living in the apartment you're in right now. I did everything for you and get NOTHING back. Funny thing is, you're probably doing that all for him. The things you wouldn't do for me. A person that's been there by your side through thick and thin for 5 years you're doing for some guy you've known for 2 months.

 

Why I still think about you everyday I have no idea...maybe it's because I'm still in love with the girl I used to know and throughout the past year I saw glimpses of her from time to time so I thought she still existed. Reality is..it was all a sham. You're a sham. And I hope your new bf realizes that before he gets his heart shattered by a scum bitch like you.

Edited by rattled
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i will fight for my little boy! I will fight for him to see his mother happy and treated with respect. You walked in knowing there were two of us not just one. We both fell in love with you.. You walked out not once but three times.. I know that i get scared but you said you would always hold my hand not yell at me and walk out cause you can't handle that emotion.. I held your hand through it all and never walked out once. My son deserves the best and i will not be selfish and let you walk back in.. I hope bootcamp makes you grow up and see that running away is not the answer.. You had a family at the tip of your fingers.. i will fight now for my respect and to be loved unconditionally.. i am a survivor!

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So you got a new boyfriend.

 

You ****ing liar. You said you weren't gonna date anymore. I can't believe you.

 

You're using him. You don't love him.

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No, I have never regret for what I have done in the past few years, especially things involved you and your family!

 

I look hard and clearly back during the time I was with you and your family, I can look into any one's, include God, eyes and tell them I have done nothing wrong to you and your family but did all the good things.

 

All I asked from you was a small talk and a closure I needed at that time. I did not expect you did anything more for me. Rejection is sooo predictable to me and I didn't even care! I just needed to hear it from you, that 's all! I have never been upset about being rejected from you! Your cowered unmanly way of handle things disgusted me!

 

I was never successful in any thing my whole life and I accepted it. I never want to just find a man and lean on him for the rest my life. I have nothing but my little proud and little dignity. What you and your woman done to me killed the only thing I have got…my dignity!

 

I'm angry and couldn't let it go because you and your woman played me for your own ego and joy, then put me in a legal embarrassment for your own convenience. You took away the only thing I had---my dignity for your own convince.

 

I'll never forgive you and will never forget what you have done to me! What comes around goes around! I will wait patiently to see the day coming for both of you!

 

I know God have nothing to do with it, but still, Lord is my only witness and he will give all the answers I need when the day comes!

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Hey K

 

How was your day? How's school? Doing good in band?

 

I miss you so much. I miss talking to you. I miss hanging out with you. I miss your laughs. I miss your smiles.

 

You probably forgot about me already. I don't see how you could be so cold to me after what we had. You just ignore me like I wasn't a part of your life.

 

I love you very much still. I just want you to be happy.

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It's not even a month we've been apart, but it seems like ages since I last talked to you. I have no idea what you're doing, who you're doing it with, if what you told me were lies, or if it was the truth. All I know is that I am moving on, but a part of me will always love you and care for your happiness. The only thing that brings tears to my eyes is thinking about how we never even got to share our love with each other due to the distance. All the things we said we would do and all the plans that we had. We tried. No one is to blame. I just miss you and knowing how you're doing.

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We haven't talked in three weeks, and we've been broken up for five. It seems like it's been forever, and yet each and every one of my memories of seem like they happened yesterday.

 

I found the program from your graduation in my drawer the other day. I wasn't looking for it, but I had put it in a place that I knew it would be safe. We had so much promise then and you were so happy. You had the guy you wanted and the career you'd been dreaming of. Now you gave up that guy and hate your career. I'm sorry.

 

I still cry over you. Before you left me I hadn't cried in about three years. I hadn't had any reason to, since during most of that time I was happy. With you I was the happiest, and I tried to let you know how much you meant to me.

 

But lately I wonder if I ever really knew you. I'm not sure you even know yourself. Do I love you or an idealized version of you. It doesn't really matter. I was still in love.

 

I miss spending nights with you. I miss holding you. I miss talking to you. I haven't heard fom you so I wonder if you even think of me. Maybe you're moving on. I can't bear the thought of you being with someone else.

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W-

 

I don't know if you really are that dumb or if I'm just paranoid, but I'm really sick of your lies. Why do you lie about everything? You have promised that you would stop telling so many lies umpteen times only for me to catch you in another one. I don't understand why you lie about smoking a cigarette, getting drunk, wanting to sleep instead of spend time with me, and many other retarded reasons. Do you really think I believed you? Did you not understand that I'm intelligent and can see right through you? This is not my first time in the cages, but it is yours and you are making such a fool of yourself. And why do you think you have to lie to me about such trivial crap? I don't get it!:mad:

 

So, you want to see me on Sunday, and you might want me over on Saturday, too, but...("Well, I don't want to tell you because I don't want you to...), oh great, here we go (I just don't want anything to happen...). Ok, I'm not following, what could possibly happen? ("Well, it's just not set in stone...and...), and what? What could it possibly be that you have to stammer and be secretive about it? What, you need to play a game or something? I don't care, go play your stupid game, but why can't you just come out and say it? ("Well, what happens if I invite you over and I shoot myself in the foot at work and I can't call you on my cell phone because I need to go to the hospital, and then you think I ditched you.") Excuse me? Do I have the word "moron" written on my forehead? Do you hear yourself? Has any other manager shot himself in the foot at Wendy's - and if so, what did he shoot it with - the mayonnaise gun? So, when you get my text telling you that I don't ever want to hear from you again until you can quit lying to me, I hope you realize that means that I won't be answering calls or showing up at your house Saturday (good for you, now you can do your ultra-secret-spy plans!) or Sunday. Have a nice weekend and I hope you get a clue one day.:bunny:

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For ****s sake you dumb bitch.

I tried to be amicable.

We were going to have a simple divorce case, open and shut, just a bit of paperwork.

No need for expense, no need for fighting, just sign the forms and we go our separate ways.

I said I'd let you keep the car I bought you.

I said I'd let you off the couple of thousand pounds you said you'd pay me back.

I said I'd let you off everything you owe me, just to keep it simple. "Go away money" they call it.

 

But no, that isn't enough for you? You really want a fight? You want to get solicitors in, and fight for every penny through the courts? Well let me tell you, you're going to get NOTHING. I've already had legal advice you see, and I know full well that you're going to get NOTHING. But if you want to play hard ball then I'm all up for that. You really must be totally stupid to think you'll be better off this way. You're going to get NOTHING except a huge legal bill. HA HA bring it on bitch I am ready!!!

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So you got a new boyfriend.

 

You ****ing liar. You said you weren't gonna date anymore. I can't believe you.

 

You're using him. You don't love him.

 

What he said, same situation my brother.

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**** man. This is painful.

 

Same situation for me kind of. I spend $1400 dollars to come down and visit her. 10 days after I get back she falls off the face of the earth.

 

2 weeks after that she's 'seeing someone'.

 

 

Dear Anna,

 

How are you? I've really thought long and hard about whether there is anything elegant I could possibly say to you. But nothing elegant could properly describe the brutality of the last few months.

 

For all your beauty and intelligence, you made it impossible to succeed and I had to make choices no good person should be able to or have to make. I hope that sometimes you lie awake at night and remember that every night I tried to go home so I could study, I was trying to do that so I could move away with you. I hope you like the fact you prevented our long term goals from happening by getting mopey and making me feel guilty about trying to go home for a ****ing CHANGE OF CLOTHES AND TO ****ING STUDY. Because, you know, after 3-4 days of wearing the same clothes your BOSS STARTS TO NOTICE!

 

Instead, I couldn't take anymore classes because I couldn't study for the 2 that I was taking!

 

Or maybe that was because I was working that job we needed so we could live the lifestyle we wanted together? Or so that I could take some of the load off of your shoulders.

 

That's right, I could have gone to school if I hadn't quit my old night job to take the better paying day time job!

 

I sit here, in the apartment we shared together, cleaning up what's left of your mess, books, junk you left behind while you're busy seeing that man who's 12 years older than you, who owns that swimming and tennis club you go to.

 

By the way, I looked it up on google earth. WHAT A ****ING DUMP! LOL, I knew you were an opportunistic pain in the ass, but you dumped me for a chump that took 10 years to graduate university? Works for his dad? Got foreclosed on last year? Are you ****ing kidding me?

 

Jesus the net revenue is less than 500k? That's a ****ing joke and a half.

 

Anyways, I hope you enjoyed ****ting on the guy that supported you through all the hard times you cunt. I still can't believe that you cried the entire ****ing way down to my family place in Hawaii. Seriously, how the **** can you make a guy feel guilty about paying for half of your plane flight (a WHOPPING $400 dollars!) and ****ing cry your entire way down there. Seriously, can you make a guy feel any more ****ing defeated?

 

By the way, next time you call me trying to be all nice, I might try and reach through the phone, poke your eyes out and skull **** you. </full metal jacket>.

 

Eat **** you opportunistic bitch. The reason why I didn't want to move down to where you are is because if this thing with your parents falls apart, someone would have needed to support us!! Jesus, I was just covering all the ****ing bases because I know you like your risks. I remember once upon a time you were happy I was the ****ing consistent one.

 

 

God ****ing damnit. I hope your family enjoys bankruptcy, because if this gamble of yours doesn't work out, you don't have my money covering your ass, and I know you're about fresh out.

Edited by durkadurka
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summerl0vesyou
So you got a new boyfriend.

 

You ****ing liar. You said you weren't gonna date anymore. I can't believe you.

 

You're using him. You don't love him.

 

dude, i understand. Im waiting for the day that I find out my ex is dating someone. promised to love me forever and never date anyone else, and hes already broken the first promise so HA...yeah, it sucks doesnt it? that *insert choice word here* doesnt deserve u ;)

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summerl0vesyou

Chris...

I am going to fight my way through this. I am going to be stronger than you ever knew I could be.

And if you ever see me again, you wont see pain painted across my face;

you will see the confident smile of a woman who had the courage to put you behind her-

because you dont deserve this giant heart of mine and you never did.

 

I will pray for the strength to forgive you, and to walk away from this with hope for life and no bitterness.

 

Although, you are making that pretty hard-

I realize I never should have believed your pretty words- promises of forever. you disowned your own grandmother. at one point you disowned your "best friend" too. how could I have been stupid enough to think I was different? you had all these reasons, that you were some changed man and that God brought us together.

 

I never should have let myself feel that way for you.

I wanted to marry you.

At the first wedding we went to, when you squeezed my hand during their ceremony, all I thought of was you standing across from me,

in that nice tux (looking classy, like you like) and me in my pretty white dress, ready to make our promises known to all and for God to bless our life together.

 

I wish I never would have gotten involved. I wish I never woulda sat next to you at that smelly lake, where we acted like silly high school kids.

 

I love you, Chris. Im sorry for everything. But I hope that one day, maybe someday far away, you realize what you had.

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How many times have I looked into your eyes and imagined that I saw something there? Has it really been years of me just fooling myself? The dead blank stares seem so familiar now, so I guess I was blind to them before. Once again, I let you lead me on to believe that you were real about us. I forced myself to believe that things would get better if you missed me, but they are exactly the same. How can I be living over 20 miles away and still be experiencing the same misery that was in our house? Because I believed you, because I fooled myself into some reckless stupidity that I now have to take responsibility for. It makes it so much worse when you are not suffering like I am. How can you not miss me? How can you not miss us? How can you treat me like dirt after I have been NC for almost a week and you called me every one of those nights? You called me because I wanted you to, you say. You don't think you want to see me Sunday (when you are the one who invited me then) now, because you don't want to go through this crap again. You? YOU?! I'm sorry, do I offend with my broken heart? I have to move on and the rage I feel at being cheated, lied to, and patronized is enough to make it happen. I loved you so much, but it really isn't enough for me to survive on. I have to do this for myself. I hope I never see you again, but I know I will.

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You did me the most incredible favor. Thank you for leaving me. I'm free of you and can live again. I am myself again. It's an incredible thing! I'm happy.

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Chris...

I am going to fight my way through this. I am going to be stronger than you ever knew I could be.

And if you ever see me again, you wont see pain painted across my face;

you will see the confident smile of a woman who had the courage to put you behind her-

because you dont deserve this giant heart of mine and you never did.

I will pray for the strength to forgive you, and to walk away from this with hope for life and no bitterness.

 

Although, you are making that pretty hard-

I realize I never should have believed your pretty words- promises of forever. you disowned your own grandmother. at one point you disowned your "best friend" too. how could I have been stupid enough to think I was different? you had all these reasons, that you were some changed man and that God brought us together.

 

I never should have let myself feel that way for you.

I wanted to marry you.

At the first wedding we went to, when you squeezed my hand during their ceremony, all I thought of was you standing across from me,

in that nice tux (looking classy, like you like) and me in my pretty white dress, ready to make our promises known to all and for God to bless our life together.

 

I wish I never would have gotten involved. I wish I never woulda sat next to you at that smelly lake, where we acted like silly high school kids.

 

I love you, Chris. Im sorry for everything. But I hope that one day, maybe someday far away, you realize what you had.

 

These words really touched me especially the bolded ones...except my ex didn't disown his grandmother (altho kiiinda did his family for a while..)....and we never went to any smelly lakes...and his name wasn't Chris....haha, sorry, just try'na make you smile! :)

 

You did me the most incredible favor. Thank you for leaving me. I'm free of you and can live again. I am myself again. It's an incredible thing! I'm happy.

 

LostInTurn....this made me happy. Well done...I'm kinda starting to feel like that too...they don't get to experience the amazing people we are anymore..:)

 

Sorry, I always get so caught up in this thread rather than posting anything of my own!

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Dear Anna,

 

I am so torn between anger and sadness. Anger about what you have done, that you were so trigger happy to move onto the next one that you forgot how good we are. All we needed was a fresh start.

 

I sit here sitting in the apartment we shared on a beautiful day, and I can't help but think what we would be doing on a day like this.

 

Rollerblading? Going out on the boat? Sitting on the beach? Drinking a bottle of wine?

 

I don't know. I'm happy, yet this smile is just a contorted frown. I'm here cleaning up the stuff you left behind.

 

I wish that you could call me and say that you just wanted to see me and do stuff with me.

 

I miss you.

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I wonder how often you think about me. I'm still hurting, but trying to pull myself together. I think about you every day. You're still the first and last thing that crosses my mind every single day. I have a feeling that anything you think of me, you replace it with her/someone new. It really hurts to know that. I don't see the old you anymore; I don't even know who you are now. It's so heartbreaking. I miss the old you.

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Do you think of me when you're with him?

 

Did I matter to you at all?

 

I feel easily replaceable. First the guy you hooked up with and now your new boyfriend. I think you're insecure and codependent.

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you claimed you loved me...that you were finally there and you were ready 100% to make it work...you said you were going to your moms....the second you got away from me you went to him, the man who has been intentionally hurting us all week....sending me messages DESIGNED to hurt my feelings and **** up our lives. why would you go to him!!?! are you THAT desperate to be with anyone!?

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I miss you Jen, I really do. No matter what I do, no matter how many times to try to distract myself, your there.

 

For the past several nights I've been dreaming of you. I try not to, cause when I wake up I am in agony, but I do. The dreams aren't pleasant ones either, I wish I could post them, but I just can;t.

 

I still love you Jen Classen, no matter what I do to try and forget you, I can't.

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