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polywog

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C,

 

Despite our issues, what we had was special to me. I still love you, but you're toxic for me. You use people to your own ends. You don't know the true meaning of love or friendship; I'm not the only one you took for granted and took advantage of, and soon you will have no one close by who cares for you. I can only hope that losing people who have cared so much for you and have wanted to be by your side will make you realize that you have to make some major changes in your life if you don't want to be alone...if you want to have truly rewarding, mutual relationships. At this point in your life you are not worthy of me or the friends you've selfishly written off.

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I think about the pain. I use to think u was a good thing for me. I reall get tired of tinking about u. You are a big fat *******. I hate u. Some things u did wwas so painful and mean and selfish. All about marc

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LikeCharlotte

Dear Arrogant P,

You are damn right. I am angry. How dare you let your insecure girlfriend take her obnoxious crap out on me? This is the most ridiculous crap I have been involved in since highschool. I don't think about her. Surprise! I do not give a F. I have my own life and no, I don't care. I was happy that you met someone but that was about as much as I cared. Can you honestly say you give a F about my husband? See my point?

I infuriated you? HAHAHAHAHAHA! Wrong. The nagging C did that, not me. Get your head out of your A$$. She is hiding typical girl bulls*** behind a manipulation in order to get me out of your life so she can feel secure. Sorry but confidence is not earned that way. Maybe she would like to know that she was second choice to a girl you did not have the guts to ask out. I did all I could. You can do better but honestly after being thrown under a bus for nothing I will not wish you luck.

I did so much to keep us together as friends and we both know it was not easy. You are being a complete idiot. Great way to end it as I leave forever. JackA$$.

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I don't believe your rel with her is all that. I don't believe it. you too much of a real *******. I keep remonding myself that the nightmare movie is over and I keep telling myself that. its feel so good to tell u how deep I feel. u being gone has been good and bad at times. I just can't let u hurt me anymore. I think sometimes of your sweetness and think wow but you didn't keep it up. it makes me feel like I stop loving if u ever did. I don't know if u did. I was so busy being there for you and trying to be with you. love shouldn't be this way. I should know u love me. its so sad.

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I have been dreaming of you again lately. I hate the way I feel in the morning. I am almost in a daze for half a day until I remind myself that it is not real-- simply a dream. The boy I loved no longer exists. I slowly killed him. You will never know how sorry I am for this. I was too immature to handle such an intense relationship. I was too young and too selfish.

 

I still miss you at times. I wish I knew why, especially since it has been so long since I really knew you. Shouldn't I be over you yet? I am trying to understand what it is inside of me that keeps me holding on for so long. I need some resolution-- when is this going to come?

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No matter what I think I know, what I truly know is this. You saved me during a terrible time. I was at a very low point and you picked me up, no question, no judgement. You were amazing to me. I wasn't ready. You were patint with me. I still wasn't ready. Then you did something for me, that does not compare to anything anyone has ever done. You broke me out of my sadness and you swept me away. You drove with me for days, hours. We saw so many amazing things. We went cross country, took our time, laughed. You showed me I could laugh again. I would laugh so hard I would double over and couldn't catch my breath. I havdn't laughed that hard in a very long time, even when I thought I was happy. You showed me I could smile, a real, genuine smile. You showed me I still know how to have fun. Most of all, you were there. You showed me how to live differently than I ever had. Never would I have ever gone cross country without a plan. Just drive without a destination at the end of the day. Wake up in a state, at a rest stop, to foggy windows or a beautiful rising sun. That night, I don't remember which state we were in, but that night with the amazing starry sky on that dirt road.

 

I'm sorry I wasn't ready. I'm sorry I agreed so soon. I'm sorry I was too afraid to let myself go with you. I shoudn't have boarded that flight. I missed it for a reason. I knew I shouldn't have left. I wish I hadn't. I should have let you come with me. I wish you would hear me out. I wish you would listen. I wish you would at least let me thank you for all you did for me. You'll never know just how truly grateful I am. You'll never know how much it meant to me.

 

One thing, one things I cannot forgive you for are the promises you made which you broke. You knew I was in a low point. You knew what happened. The worst part, when you commented on my ex. You criticized him for doing exactly what you're doing. Something you said you would never do. I should have known better. I wasn't ready for a reason, and now look. This is why I wasn't ready. My heart can't take much more. I'm sorry if you didn't think I was doing enough for you, but I needed to take it slow. I needed time. I wish you understood. I really, truly do. Not a day goes by that I don't miss you. You brought me back to life. I wish you knew that. I love you.

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it's been so bad for me lately that you're all i think about. 8 months later and solace hasn't come.

 

i don't even feel sadness knowing that you're over me and have probably been with other girls and all that anymore. i'm more or less stuck in this position where i feel like i'm a nobody in highschool, and i have the biggest ****ing crush on the most popular, most unreachable guy in the grade.

 

and i can't help but feel like if i said to you, i still love you, something might happen. you might let me back in, because you did once already. but yet, i haven't said anything to you. and i'm afraid to. i don't want to go back to the lack of intimacy. part of that was probably my fault, because being a girl, we usually expect the guys to make the move, and you never made moves. and my disappointment for our lack of intimacy creeped into our relationship like a slow poison. you know what i want? i want REAL, INTENSE, UNBELIEVABLE INFATUATION. i want to be IN love again. i want something special. and i can't help that i feel it could be with you, and i can't help that i feel it could be with someone who isn't in my life yet. but maybe i just didn't give you a chance with the physical stuff. i don't know. maybe i should have tried harder with you. i don't cry anymore, but i don't move on either. i'm in purgatory, and i could go back, and i could go forward.

 

do i wait, bide my time, until i have some semblance of clarity, and i can make a decision to either speak my feelings or let you go completely? or have i already made the decision and am in denial about it? even in being with someone else, dating them, having sex with them, i thought about you the entire time. i thought about you while in another man's bed.

 

maybe i'll just wake up one day and i won't love you anymore.

 

why does that scare me?

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I know that us being over is for the best. I really do. We want different things out of life. You want your Army career, and I want a husband and a family. I get it. I get that we couldn't push past problems we had while you were gone on your deployment. I get it. I get all of it.

 

But it doesn't change that I lost you and that you were my best friend through so much. You were the love of my life. We didn't work, but in so many ways we did...and I'm having the hardest time ever just letting you go.

 

I'm so sorry that I hurt you so many times and pushed you to the breaking point. And I forgive you for all the times that you hurt me. Even this time.

 

My heart is broken and I will never be the same. It's just like a piece of china. You can super glue it back together, but it's never quite perfect and whole ever again. I'm going to have permanent scars from the past two years. It's going to take months for this kind of pain to fade away.

 

I miss you. I hope that you're thinking of me too. It's weird living without you.

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you was just a lying cheat im so glad i called her a f chav although she deserves better than you. probably didnt tell her you was sleeping with me either u are the lowest of the low.

Now i know the truth i can spit you out like a bad taste. i now hate you and wish the karma gets you.. you know it will.

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Hi you selfish brat,

 

Tell me something.

Why did you choose NOT to correct your faults?

Why did you decide to break up rather than correct your behavior and mature?

Am I really so disposable to you?

Are you really that stupid?

Do you think you can do better? Yes, I made mistakes but don't you recognize I'm someone special or are you really that dumb/selfish/immature?

 

I hate that you lied to me about contacting other girls. I hate that you tried to say the phone sex you had with some wh*re was "not what thought." I hate that you made me come visit only to act like a cold 14 year old.

I hate that you secretly flirted with your friends and mine. I hate that you can't forgive me but I can forgive you.

 

You have the nerve to text me last night asking how I am?!

I am disappointed you chose to not to the emotional work you need to in order to get over your issues. THAT'S how I am. I think you're a selfish coward. Sorry I wasted 3 yrs with you.

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Its been almost 2 months nc. It's driving me crazy. THere's a chance I'll run into you next week not positive but might happen, I don't know how you or I will react. Maybe just ignore each other as we are doing now. Maybe you are better now and have no desire to reconcile with me. Maybe you love your freedom too much. I like it too, but still miss you. It's Friday and I was just thinking of you. You know I took a chance getting involved with someone like you, a free spirit and I know I did, but I enjoyed our time. Now I hope to be with someone with a good spirit who loves me and want to conquer, live this world together. One minute I want you back, the next I know we are not meant to be. C'est la vie.

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collegeguy_24

Hello Jen,

 

I saw you yesterday. I was on 19th street in my truck and you were driving your car on Main heading in the direction of the mall. I noticed you were alone in your car.

 

I miss you so much, I still love you with all my heart, and knowing you don't want me hurts me terribly. I have no doubt you haven't even given a second thought about me though. I have no doubt you have not thought about me at all since you left me.

 

But I think about you, all the time. I try not to, I have tried as hard as possible to forget you, to move on, but I just can't.

 

I have never felt such love and devotion to someone before, and even after all this, I still want you back.

 

But it isn't fair, and not for me, but the person I am dating. She is a really nice girl, kind, understanding, shy, but still sweet.

 

She gives so much for me, but I feel like I am taking advantage of her, that because I still love you I can't give it to her.

 

I told her this and she says she is willing to stick it out, to work on me and give it time to see if I will come around.

 

I feel so low right now, loveing you, but dating someone else.

 

Why Jen, why didn't you work for us, why did you leave me when the day before you said you love me?

 

I love you, I want to have my future with you and to someday have a family with you. I just can't say it in any other way.

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Just thought of us at the museum. We sure had some good times. I loved you with me, there will be another I will love, but we felt so good together for a time. For now you are my love, deep down. Good luck to you. I wish you the best.

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Its really ****ing tough today. I really want to talk to you, but then I think of the ****ty ****ed up things you said to me and I'm thinking I better not what for to feel rejected? F no. You are sorry you hurt me, F you. You hurt yourself by losing me, I don't need you, I never needed you. I cared for you yes, loved you and wanted to work with you, you certainly were not perfect. You thought I should be. You should be sorry you left, sorry for yourself!!! You were a complete turn off at times, alot of times. Out of control, childish, I never wanted to deal with a child I need a man, a good one.

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I sometimes still miss you, you a**. But more and more I'm seeing how much was fantasy and not reality. You are cheap. You ogle women. Did you think you were sly about it? You're a cliche! You look like an overweight weirdo sneaking looks at girls younger than you; girls who wouldn't give you the time of day. So why the hell did I?!?! Man! Do I really devalue myself so much?! Apparently!

 

You are very, very out-of-shape and for someone just 30 yrs old you're only going to get fatter. You have terrible eating habits. You need to visit a dentist ASAP. You are immature. You won't hold hands in public?! What are you?! 10?! You hold a grudge against your mother and use it as an excuse to distrust all women. You're promiscuous. You treated me like crap near the end. Can't bother to text or call that night until you were done for the evening? Eff you! Don't thank me for supporting you in the contest? EFF YOU! Can't see you're lucky I ever forgave you? Guess what...eff...you.

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Tomorrow....guess what that is?

 

November 14th. The day we got together.

 

You probably don't care since you're with someone else now. I love how you're going so fast with him. Soon, you're gonna get bored of him and toss him aside leaving another broken hearted. Poor boy, so blind and doesn't realize the **** you're doing. You're dating him after knowing him for a month? Wow, you're a desperate girl who wants to do whorish things but with a "boyfriend" so you don't look slutty. Please, you're a slut because you're insecure and your cheating father left you and your bitch of a mother. This "love" will wear off. **** you, **** your boyfriend, **** your friends, and **** off period.

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Yesterday was our anniversary while we were together. Maybe you and him made love to celebrate it? Hahaha. I miss you. Still I can't shake it. It's been almost two months since I've seen you. I know what it means to be broken now. The only woman I ever loved, the only woman I ever cared anything about, the only one who I let "in", hates me. I'm not complaining, or doing the "woe is me" thing. It' just feels nice to get these thoughts down. I wish I could tell you one more time.

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ReturnToSender

Thank you... for making me look like a total idiot on fri, for pretending you want to make it up to me. All that did was give you another opportunity to blow me off and ignore me. I realize now the only reason you texted me last nite was to see if I was waiting up for your call...so that you can have the satisfaction of saying youre too tired to talk to me, for the satisfaction of rejecting me... When in fact I am the one who should be rejecting you, rejecting your nonsense, your lies.

 

You keep saying how much you love me, but I dont want it. All your love has done is hurt me. And all my love for you has done is make me look like a fool. I feel completely and totally insane that a year later, I let you still hold this grip over me and my heart. Telling me how the moments with me are what you live for, telling me that this is what life is about, telling me how you love and adore me, telling me how much my daughter and I mean to you, telling me you cant stand the thought of not having us in your life, telling me lies lies lies lies all of it lies.

 

Im done. No we cant be friends...obviously after Fri Im nowhere ready to just be friends, and from the way you avoid/ignore/dismiss me you are no where near capable of being a friend of mine. No I dont care about what we shared or what we had anymore....that was then, definitely not now, and I dont see it happening for us again. No, I dont want family day with you...my daughter and I are not your weekend family to go see that movie or head to the fair with or spend the holidays with when your want to take a break from partying like a rock star and want to feel "normal" and be around "normal" people. No. Im not your secondary option. Im worth a lot more than that. Even if not to you, someone will see me and my daughter as more than that...we deserve far more than what you can be to us.

 

A year is more than enough time... Im not going to spend the rest of this year, or go into a new one just as heartbroken as I was this time last year. No. Not again. Ever. No more of this. You made your choice, live with it. You and I are over, once and for all.

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Hello K

 

 

I miss you so much, I believe you miss me too, but are too stubborn to say so. I have a funny feeling you are begining to realise what we had was great, at the same time Im begining to realise I can't be with you right now.

 

Maybe in time we can try again, but you have gone against everything you told me, and we were so perfect for each other. Just you wait, you'll see what you've lost, and you will have to live with hurting the first person you loved, the first person who truly believed in you.

I stil love you, but you have destroyed me and I did not deserve it. Damn :( x

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Even though I still love, miss you, and have all this feelings for you I just want you to disappear. You think that with your texts, emails and saying me cute names that you used to say to me are going to make me break my NC. You broke up with me, and said you wanted space, distance and time. Well I'm giving you all that I now you're the one reaching on to me.

 

Well go to hell, you think that you are going to trick to believe that your are suffering and all alone when I know that you are hanging out with that bitch that I think you left me for. I not as stupid as you think and I'n not going to fall in your psychological games. I'm just gonna keep ignoring because you don't even deserve my thoughts every night, my hundreds of tears, and anything from me. Just leave me alone...if she does fulfill your intellectual needs that's not my goddamn problem. You lefts everything that you had with me and now you have to accept the consequences....

 

Uffffff. I feel more relax now after almost 30 minutes of non stop crying this after noon.

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Thank you for not texting me because I'd dread having to respond. NC is going surprisingly well and I'm thankful for this board. I hope every football team you root for loses. Have a good night.

Edited by cerridwen
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