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polywog

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Well I think I'm winning 1-0 in the divorce proceedings so far. Are you sure you want to play round 2? I've made a nice juicy settlement offer, if you accept it then you'll be much better off. You're playing with the big boys now, and you're going to lose.

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did it end? because i needed loving, i needed it bad and you let me down constantly till i didn’t feel like you even cared anymore. if you wanted something from me, i would have tried to give you the world, but you wouldn’t try for me…and i just got sick of it. you cant be physical for a year, and then suddenly stop for a month and expect me to not worry. i got tired of going home feeling under-appreciated, taken for granted…it was not fair to me. you spent time with your friends more than with us, you stopped asking what i wanted, how i was doing, everything became you you you. now your sad that nobody is there to make you feel good…but im sad that i have nobody to make feel better. all of your posts only discuss your losses…you don’t miss me, you just miss how i made you feel. you miss being cared for…but what about all the times you could have cared for me but didnt? what about the times when i wanted to show how much i wanted you but you didn’t let me? i am an affectionate person, i need touch…that is just how i am, and how i have always been..you know that..its not shallow, its me wanting to love you..not from anyone, but from you. you love attention, and i delivered. thats it. someone else can fill that void, anyone can fill that void. if you don’t show me loving, why should i show you? i still love you, and i will never forget you…but i said i didnt want a friend, i wanted more. i asked you, if you dont wanna show me affection, why don’t i find it from someone else…instead of just apologizing and trying to make it right you said to go ahead, like you didn’t give a ****. if you say that you cant show affection if you don’t feel a connection…even after all the time we shared, what can i ever do to make a connection with you? yes, im a nice guy. im that nice guy that takes care of the people i love. im not a player, im not that guy that will treat you like **** like every other persian arab guitto you know. its not fair to only show and say how much you care when i dont talk to you…its not fair that ignoring you is the only way to get your attention…its not fair that i have to get upset for you to start giving a ****. i take care of my girl, and you should have taken care of your man.

well i dont play game anymore, you wanted it, you got it buddy.

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Yesterday was exactly three months since out last date, and a week later we broke up.

 

I've missed you so much all that time. I know I didn't give you a second chance - because in my mind it was just another chance for you to hurt me. I couldn't do it anymore. After two years of me patiently waiting and hoping, I have finally had enough.

 

So I celebrated yesterday by going out with my new man. He is filthy rich and nice and kind and treats my like a queen. He took me out to a beach resort, we had lobster and steak dinner and insanely expensive wine. Then we looked at the sunset on a beach, and I let him to kiss me.

 

Yes, I was driving home and crying because I still love you and I'd give anything if you were the one with me that night. But I know I have to move on. We both do.

 

I hope you're happy. Please know I care for you deeply, even if I will never say it to you again. In my mind, you are still lost little boy who is afraid that no one will ever love him. You still come to me in my dreams, and then I wake up in tears.

 

Peace, my love. It's all for the best.

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I have so much emotional pain pent up since I never got closure... and no I don't hate you despite everything.

 

Stop playing the victim card. Its not like you fell and your d*ck fell into her for months by some accident. I'm the one who's hurting. I'm the one who was left in the dust. I'm the one who was cheated on. I'm the one who was blindsided. I'm the one who was played for a fool. NOT YOU. I have no sympathy for you when you tell me this is hard for you too. None. I'm sure its really hard for you while you continue to date her. You really seem to be suffering. Wonder if you get bed bugs from the new bed you made.

 

Your words of future plans mean nothing - actions speak louder than words, or as someone here said, action talks, bull**** walks. I deserve someone better than you that values fidelity in a committed relationship. I will no longer make you a priority, as I have only become an option. Your second option. I deserve to be #1 for someone.

 

I hate that I let you take my self esteem when it ended. I'm a good person and didn't deserve any of this. You took advantage of my kindness and innocence and I'm still working on forgiveness. For my sake. Not yours. I'm going to miss many things, but I won't let you get the best of me or my heart anymore. You don't deserve anything from me. What you did was disgusting and horrible and dispicable and unrepairable. Dante left the last level of hell for traitors & betrayals for a reason. Karma is a b*tch and the world goes round.

 

I need to prove to myself that I'm strong enough to survive this and I should have listened to my gut a long time ago...

 

Oh btw... the answer I was looking for to my question 1.5yrs ago was "yes."

Edited by havehope
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remember when we watched inception, I'm not sure if you were bored, but at one point you rested your head on my shoulders..it made my night. its the small things that I miss the most. I hated the goodnight texts because I always fell asleep much later than you lol. remember halloween? picnics by the lil lake...our trip to campbell and to that awsome helado shop..royal bean studying...watching svu...eating pizza in chapel hill..fancy dinners...remember g talking on skype for hours on end...remember all the lil gifts we got each other?..i still don't understand why you curl into a ball when we box lolt but it's adorable.

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Breaking up.

How many times in this relationship have you requested for us to break up? Now you have it. You like it? I'm giving it all back to you. Throughout this years, everytime you talk about breaking up, i gave in. I gave you my words that i will become an even better man. But do you see it? Do you see the fact that im putting in my best and trying to be my best? No you don't. When i do things that you're unhappy about, you asked for a breakup. When you did things that i'm unhappy about, you said accept me for how i am. Bull****. Pure Bull****. All the talks about getting married? getting a flat? Bull****. You're just like any other girls. Have i ever said no to any of your requests? Fact is that, the harder i try, the more you took it for granted that i have to do.

What does it exactly takes to be your boyfriend? I feel that i'm putting in much more hardwork than anyone in order to be your boyfriend. You said working hard for others is a form of showing your love. How hard have you shown your love for me? WHen you're busy with your work, do i ask you out? I gave you space, i gave you time. But when it comes to me, it's the total opposite. I'm sorry. I spoilt you. I totally allowed you to climb up to my head and pee on me. But sorry, i don't think that is what i truly wants.

NC. NC. NC. you told me about all your unhappiness in this relationship, but have you bothered to listen to mine? For you, i have to take it everything as it is, and accept you for who you are. What about me? I have to try my best to work my ass off to be your boyfriend. Love? Love comes with a price tag.

NC. NC. No Contact. They say No Contact is the best way to heal yourself. I'll do just that. Since you want all the time and all the space, and claimed that our vision in life's different, since that's what you want, i give it all back to you. ALL BACK TO YOU.

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J,

 

I understand the reason. I do. I understand that you wanted to break up. I understand that it was mutual at the time. I understand it hurt. I understand that you probably would have done it anyway. I understand that you are not "done", that you want to be wild and experimental and not tied down for your twenties before hitting a wall at 30 and settling down. I understand that you think that that's reasonable an you won't be desperate to get married when you're 35, or getting married for all the wrong reasons. I understand that you know you have no actual career goals, you'll just plod along until you find a man to take care of you. I understand that you are going to be a boring housewife with boring kids, but the one saving grace is that you had a wild time, so you can feel justified in your domestic prison. I understand that you would say I never trusted you, I never really "got" you or was curious about you. I understand that you need to "find yourself", that you don't know "who you are". I understand that you've starting seeing a women and that you thought telling me would somehow be a good idea. I understand that we talked about being conscious of FB, to not set out to hurt the other person. I understand that 10 days after you told me all these lines about not wanting to be tied down and single, you change your profile photo to you and her. I understand that it's either malicious because you've callow and insensitive, or it's utterly inconsiderate because you'll callow and insensitive and STUPID. I understand.

 

And now understand that I'm done with you and you're selfish ways. You're rich girl WASPy aspirations. And that I probably dodged a bullet, as you start your second degree because you were too lazy for the first. And that I'm going to find someone new. Someone prettier than you. Smarter than you. More interesting than you. Someone who finishes what they start and doesn't while away this wild and crazy youth watching Glee and ANTM.

 

So goodbye J.

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Why you keep contacting me? You decided to no longer be in a relationship with me, You decided to not work things out. You just spent the last months saying all the bad things that I had and how I made feel less. WTF? We were together for 6 years and in the last month you said to me that you didn't felt very good in our relationship from the beginning. Well how did you manage to stay with me for that long? Why you lied to me? Why you cheated on me and still deny everything? And I'm so stupid to still have feelings for you and cry for you almost every night.

 

I'm trying to get over you, because as you said I had to move on. Well then why you text me? Why, for the last 4 months you have been sending me e-mails every week about your life, and all the things you see and read that reminds you of me, and all the stupid links of stuff in the web? I have been ignoring every type of communication, but you just can't give up. You ended this? you wanted to be alone? you wanted space? Then why the hell you keep writing me even though I don't reply to anything. Is she not satisfying your needs on a intellectual level? Well that's your problem and don't think that I'm gonna be your intellectual mistress to discuss books, social issues and all that things we used to talk about. Is your lost and you had to think about that before deciding to end things with me.

 

Leave me alone please...Let me be.

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I just told you I needed space because I am hurting too bad... you didn't say anything and just hung up on me and I haven't cried this hard in years.

 

You probably don't know how bad you've hurt me, how much I still cry over you, how much I hate myself for allowing you to have this hold over me, for allowing you to affect every part of my life. You'll never know... and I won't give you the satisfaction of knowing that I still really love you, I always have, and I don't know how to stop despite all the sh*t you put me through. You're not worth my tears... but for some reason I can't stop crying over you and how much I still love you.

 

I'm beginning to think I'm never going to move on and I'll just be this crying pathetic mess forever over some lying cheating bastard...

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You know what, NO. I'm not giving up on my healing just yet. I'm not letting you ruin my life.I love the person I fell in love with 7 years ago when we started as friends. Not the cheating druggie liar you've become.

 

What you did is unfixable. I'm a fighter (you should know that, how hard I fought for us all those years) and I'm going to fight through this pain and brokenness.

 

-h

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Hi--I'm feeling some regret. You asked in your next-to-last text "How are you, L?" To which I responded "Im fine." You said "Good...I'm glad that's so" My response? "Yea." I hoped you knew I wasn't fine and didn't buy that you cared. Today I'm feeling I missed an opportunity to respond with my real feelings. Right now, I wish I texted "I'm feeling sh*tty and angry and most of all lonely. Thanks for letting me down. Thanks for leaving me with the feeling that you're a jerk when that's something you could have rectified. Thanks for ruining my holidays. Thanks for not coming through for me. Thanks for making me feel I wasted my time. Thanks for reinforcing the idea I had that I'm not enough. Thanks B. Thanks for all that. I loathe you right now." That's what I really wanted to say to you.

Edited by cerridwen
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I miss you but I hate what a coward you were. How you hugged and cried and kissed me passionately at the break up while the new guy was already in the picture. How you and i went on a vacation when you fell out of love with me weeks earlier. You should have let me go then instead of having me fall deeper in love with you on that trip. I met your kids the night before we broke up. You promised me a future together and in the end all i deserved were lies? I am so much better than that. You are an emotionally immature person like I have never met in my life. I wish you would take the time to grow on your own but you wont. You will go from messed up relationshiop to messed up relationship. I hope you see one day what we had and wish it back but know I have an equal sharing that love with me not a basket case

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I just wanted to say that I'm hurting, and you have no idea how much, because you left the relationship so much earlier than I did.

You did a lot for me, and for that I'm truly grateful. You helped me realise the person I can be, and the person I want to be.

I hate that you took our pets. I hate that you think you got all the good out of our relationship. You got all the material things, that is all. I loved those cats, and I will never forgive you for taking them from my life.

I want to say I'm glad you are able to get over this and move on so quickly. I'm not, I'm jealous, and I don't want you to forget me so easily. I loved you. Do you ever think about me? It is getting kind of hard to believe things are going to get better. I hate you for what you did, I love you for what you are.

I want to be able to say goodbye to you, but you gave me hope. That wasn't fair. I am going to get on with my life, not because you think I have to be independent, but because I deserve more from myself.

I expect you to call, or ask me out. Nothing. I just want to know if there's a chance you could ever love me again, and if we're going to try? I know it's a stupid question, but I love you.

I ache to be near you, but as soon as I remember you don't want to be near me, the pain comes up again. To think of you with someone else is unbearable. Are you coming back? Do you think of me as a friend? Am I just rubbish to you? Did you ever care for me? Do you think you'll ever come back? I want to be me. But I also want to be with you.

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Hey you!

 

How's it going? How's work? I hope your doing well, I really hope you have found someone new and not the guy you left me for? He's only going to hurt you baby.

 

So I left my comfort zone this week. I played a part in a comedy show as well as singing with the cast! I was so scared as I cant sing or act! But guess what, everyone loved me. Yes, loved me! I even got chatted up by the hottest girl there who told me I'm hot and the funniest guy she ever met! Maybe something will happen but who cares, she made my heart beat faster and is the first girl to do so in over 3 years!

 

The person you dumped died. I'm better, cuter and hotter now. My education is still my priority for now but oh baby after January I'm going to meet someone amazing. This girl gave me more compliments in the three hours I was with her than you gave me in 3 years! Yes she really liked me! Me! The shambles of a man you left is no more and I wouldn't take you back if you begged me.

 

When I looked into her eyes I could tell she liked me. I couldn't with you. When she laughed at all my jokes (yes all) I knew that you were actually not as amazing as I made you out to be in my head.

 

I will always love you. Always. But you really made me some loser who lost the ability to make anyone laugh. He's back and better than before. I did alot for you. But I don't expect you will remember that will you. That's okay. The small things are what matter right? Well I did all that too and sooner or later you will realise there is no one else like me. No one who is as selfless or kind hearted.

 

Yes it sounds like I think the world of myself, but these are not my words. They are the words of my family and friends. I now finally agree.

 

I know deep inside your a nice person with a nasty coating. I just hope one day you can put the coat down and be happy. I really hope your well looked after as you still mean so much to me. I hope the guy your with treats you better or kinda like I did. You deserve to be spoilt rotten. I know the girl that gets with me will be treated so well, and she will be adored, and she will adore me!

 

Take care of your self lovely. Don't get corrupted by the big city. You were once so much better than that and hopefully you will see that before it's too late.

 

Well this I feel is the last time i want to say goodbye as I'm over you. This new girl showed me just what is feels like to be the centre of someones attention and frankly it made you look like ........, well let's just leave it with I love you and I really hope you and my ex best girlfriend live long happy loves.

 

I miss you both greatly but my life is seemingly better without you both. crazy to think 70days nc was all it really took but it's all thanks to meeting a girl who showed me what it's like to really get affection even when it's not deserved.

 

Mwah x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

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You know, when xxx walked through the door and smiled in my face, that killed it for me. For a year I avoided ever having to see or be in the same room with her...and then there she was, there to see you. That was a defining moment.

 

Today when I asked you to call me, I really hoped you would. But then you get annoyed because I wont just text and tell you whats going on...everything happens for a reason and now Im sure Im doing the right thing.

 

Nothing is getting better...everything is getting worse and Im tired of hanging around hoping and wishing things will turn around. As much as I love it here, and all the people here that I love, this just isnt my city. Ive spent the majority of the past 8 years Ive lived here in depression...its time for me to move on. Ill be gone by Christmas.

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Hi again, I can't stop thinking about you. You will have changed when we meet again, if we ever meet again. I will have changed. I don't know if I will want you back then, and maybe you will have forgotten about us. But I want you now and that hurts.

The first four months of our relationship was the best. We fell in love fast, and everything happened quickly. Then after that - we were so wrapped up in us, that we lost ourselves and each other.

I don't know what would've happened if we didn't move so fast, but I think it would be the greatest relationship. I only hope you realise this and come back. I want to try again, but you want to be alone. I hope you miss me. I hope that one day you'll love me again. I can't stop crying over you and I hate you for doing this to me. Please come back. Please come back!

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And just one other thing - I know you lied about your high blood pressure and stomach ulcer. I know doctors do not allow aspirin to patients with stomach ulcers - how dumb do you think I am? I went to med school FFS, and you think I wouldn't know this?

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I think this week has been a bad one for everyone. I dont know what is going on, between 2 family in the hospital, our friends car accident, the fiascos Thurs-Fri nite, inc stuff on a personal level, and today it continued on for me as well. It seems to be a time of, whatever can go wrong, is, has and will go wrong.

 

Im not over Fri nite I have to say. I sunk to a level I never have before, and I still cant believe I did that. Though it had nothing to do with anything and happened 6mths ago, xxx purposely wanted to tell me you were talking **** about me and how you didnt want to have to be around my family when my sister came to town....just as she wanted to let me know all she had to do was tell you to dump me and you did.

 

Months ago I told you I want her to leave me alone, and you said you cant imagine shed say anything to me and shes harmless....to you maybe, but never to me. Besides that, in the past year I never "accidentally" walked in on you two and if I had any idea you two had worked things out or that there was a remote possibility shed come out to see you, theres no way in hell I would have been there. Im not the one playing games.

 

And I got it again today....havnt talked to xxx girlfriend since the blowup 3 weeks ago after she deleted all of the company websites I developed. Since then we've had zero contact and I havnt heard anything from her, yet today, shes yelling at him over I dont know what, and hes telling me hes sick of my games, that I need to be civil to her cause he cant stand her yelling at him over something to do with me every time he picks up the phone. He should know me better than this....Ive never harassed his wife or any of his other girlfriends, wtf do I care about a grandmother in the midwest? His answer...I dont know but you need to stop cause I cant take the phone calls anymore. Yeah I blew up, and to "teach me a lesson" hes docked my salary by $1k.

 

Im not going to fight for my job, xxx wants me out the company and thats exactly whats going to happen. Im not going to fight xxx to have anything to do with you. Without doubt she wants me gone too and quite frankly one year of this was more than enough...when she walked through that door any possibilities for us went out of it. You guys have broken up at least 5 times now by my count from what youve told me...you'll always work things out to be with her and thats not going to be over anytime soon.

 

I just want to be left alone and not have to deal with either of your girlfriends and everything that comes with them. This year is ending on just as sh*tty a note as last year did. Pretending nothing happened and everything is okay is not going to work....something did happen, and everything is not okay. But take heart, theres nothing to discuss either. You dont have to worry about me hoping your call or talk to me anymore, I dont want to see, be around or have anything to do with any of you. I absolutely refuse to go into a new year, or worse yet go through another year like this one.

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confusionstate

hi. its only two weeks since I've seen you, and we were only together for a short period of time...but somehow, I fell for you, hard. Nothing ever went wrong in the relationship really. You are a gentleman. So sweet. Sincere. Kind. Hot...I even had dreams of bringing you to my parents. I could actually see it going somewhere...but I know you aren't ready. You aren't emotionally there to start a new relationship, I know. And I know I did the right thing by ending it. You texted me a couple days ago, to which I replied short and simple. But what I really wanted to say was... I miss you. I miss you so much that I feel numb now. And yet, I know it'll never happen...so I suppress my emotions, and now I feel empty. At times, I don't have the energy to miss you anymore because all my energy is spent trying to NOT miss you. I dont know if meeting you was a blessing or curse...at times, I wish I never met you. At least, I wouldn't have this longing, horrible feeling in my stomache. At other times, I wonder if its a test to see how much willpower, how strong I can stand?

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everytime I try to tell you I dont want to talk to you so I can go NC... you always end up saying sweet little things I want to hear... and Im right back to feeling like you want me again... but then you always follow those statements with, "We can't be together anymore. I have a girlfriend now. I just don't want to lose you." You freak out when I dont write you back, but you can ignore me for days. You're just looking for an ego stroke. I know it too. So why do I stroke it?

 

Why can't I just tell you: "No. You f-ed up. You cheated. Were over. You had your chance and you blew it. There is no room in my life for cheaters and I deserve so much better than you. You seriously have a problem" Why is that so hard for me? Where is my backbone in all this?

 

I layed it on the line in one last ditch effort and told you I still loved you, want to be with you, I miss you tons, I want to forgive so we can do this, and everything my heart has been feeling this past year and I'm not even the one who cheated... I wish I never told you because now you know you have a hold over me.

 

you're killing me slowly inside - and you know it you d*ck

 

I want to be over you so bad I don't know how.

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Scott Clifford

Dear X

 

You send me an email. An email that broke my heart. I know you still care for me. The last months supposedly changed you. But they didnt. You're still the same person but in a difficult situation.

 

I know your head exploded because you couldnt cope with your busy carreer, well that wont change.

 

All you do is dumping someone who cared for you, who you care for. Someone who wanted to make you happy the rest of his life. Someone who wanted to move to your country and leave everything behind. Me.

 

When I was in a difficult moment in my life I allowed you to save me. Allow me to save you as well.

 

I hope you come to realise this soon....

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I can't even look at myself. I can't believe I broke down and told you i loved you, thought about you all the time, and wanted to be with you forever... and you just said "i know"

 

I hate days like this... when I sit here and cry over someone who isnt worth it. Maybe you won't contact me... and I won't have to try again to tell you I dont want to talk to you anymore. That hurts me so much.

 

I want to stop loving you. But I have to have the will power to stop talking to you first.

 

i miss you today... and the fact that you weren't next to me when I woke up. I had a dream that we were at this old church with all our friends. The bus came to pick everyone up and there was mass chaos to get on the bus before the church burnt down. I was looking for you frantically and you finally found me.

I said, "Oh I'm so happy I found you"

you said, "Don't worry baby, I wouldn't leave you here." and kissed me

 

no... but you'd leave me in this world. OBVIOUSLY

 

I can't stop crying today

 

but at least im posting here and not texting you like i so desperately want

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It used to make me crazy with jealousy to think of your next girlfriend and how she'd get to be with you.

Good Lord how I don't envy her now. I don't even envy the honeymoon phase you two will likely have because what's coming afterward is so horrendous.

 

She doesn't know she will be getting involved with a woman-hater.

She'll be drawn to your charm and your smarts and your outward confidence but she has no idea how immature and selfish you are underneath.

 

She will be dating someone who has no plans to ever commit to her alone.

Someone who will secretly troll for other opportunities for the sake of variety and selfish kicks. Someone who will berate her when she angers him.

 

You're poison. There are a lot of people on this site who are victims of people like you. You are great and loving in the beginning then you turn. You turn because you're deeply f*cked up inside. And instead of taking care of your s*it and working through it, you ignore it and just go out and hurt more women.

 

You really aren't who I thought you were at all. I built you up in my imagination to no end. How embarrassing.

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Scott Clifford

Dear X

 

You were my life, I can not undo what you decided to do, you can.

 

I will give you some time to think, to be alone.

 

I never told you but before I met you, you do know how devistated I was, but I never told you I made a plan. A plan to end it. Today I found that plan back and read it.

 

Anyway, no words but actions, you know.., so I'll give it time until I waited long enough. When I write my letter I'll make sure you'll never find out. Because I'd be dead to you allready.

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