SimonSerenade Posted January 8, 2011 Share Posted January 8, 2011 Sam I miss you. I don't know how to cope anymore, Sometime's I'm fine without you and I just get on with life but some days like today and the last few, I think of you, I think of the family we could of had, I think of all we had together and all were left with now, We have a beautiful son together and he needs us both, I wish you could see whats best for us... I geuss what hurts the most is the people your going to be with in the future, The relationships you'll have, Kills me knowing I was your first for everything and now... I'm not going to be the only one anymore who gets to say he's had all of you and all of your love to himself. Geuss once that's gone then so will the chance of us ever being again as I could never forgive you for turning your back on me to be with others... Not a chance, I know I'm weak sometimes and I forgive easily but I'd never get over that, At least not enough to ever be with you again, I hope you come to your senses sooner or later, Before it's too late... Link to post Share on other sites
chocha_mocha Posted January 8, 2011 Share Posted January 8, 2011 To DH, I recently found out just how much of a psycho you really are. Although I regret the last 18 months of my life, I feel happy knowing I got out while I did. From, someone who is worth so much more Link to post Share on other sites
AC06 Posted January 9, 2011 Share Posted January 9, 2011 (Day 12 NC) I can't believe how amazing you used to be, and I hate that you still are... sometimes. There's still that side of you that loves me, you just happen to hate that side of yourself. I miss you. Link to post Share on other sites
Mrlonelyone Posted January 9, 2011 Share Posted January 9, 2011 S, Why are you acting the way you are? I sent that email, and got a reply from your BF. You block me on FB .... then create a second page with your same name and instead of contacting me directly... friend a friend of mine. WTH? WHY CAN'T YOU ACT SANE!!! Is that man really that much in control of your personal communication that you need to resort to such means? I worry about what this is teaching our son. As bad as it felt not being there to help you and to teach him... at least before I knew your brother would do him right. This guy I just don't know about this guy. The idea that someone might teach him the wrong values disturbs me the most. I won't lie. I still care for you. In fact I burn for you from the inside out. The intellectual part of me has accepted that for a while, possibly a long while you are not available. So as before I will press on without you. I work on a college campus full of options for simple company. Who knows one of those fresh young women may just be what I need right now. My emotional side tells me you will never be replaced. You are already one of the great loves of my life and I'll never forget you. Link to post Share on other sites
AC06 Posted January 9, 2011 Share Posted January 9, 2011 I sent that email, and got a reply from your BF. That's rough, man. I feel for ya. Link to post Share on other sites
Bluesnow34 Posted January 9, 2011 Share Posted January 9, 2011 Stupid me had to go through old emails, find this and ruin my day. Talk about self torture...... "Love, sorry I didn't reply. I was cooking breakfast for my brother and I, I made a feast fit for emperors, lol biscuits made into bacon, cheese, ham, egg, hashbrown sandwiches! I love you boo" You loved the fact that I wanted to cook with you, together, trying new things. I was going to teach you how to bake, you were going to teach me how to cook different ethnic foods. You sent me this just in November so you must have loved me when you left me three weeks later right? I mean like you said, you just can't turn those feelings off. And why am I not mad at you yet? Maybe because I know you loved me, but then if you loved me you would have stuck by us, not just have given up. I thought this was getting easier, I was wrong. I know I should delete your emails but I just am not ready to yet. You gave up on us...thanks a lot. Link to post Share on other sites
KYoung2200 Posted January 9, 2011 Share Posted January 9, 2011 Heather, You didn't believe in soulmates until you met me. We had a relationship that all of our friends envied, but you have always been a grass is greener girl. A new guy comes into the picture and shows interest, and you just can't say no. Is he really worth all that we had? What are you going to tell your kids? They're going to miss their KenBear just like I'm going to miss them. You're never going to let yourself be happy. You couldn't choose between our love and a new shiny object. Did you ever really love me at all? Link to post Share on other sites
Mrlonelyone Posted January 9, 2011 Share Posted January 9, 2011 That's rough, man. I feel for ya. Not really. The overall feel of the situation is that we got caught in an EA. Since there was weeks of messaging before that. I feel as if I am in limbo with respect to her. S If I had to ask one thing it would be this... do you even know what you want? It seems you have picked your main man . I was where he is and know just how ephemeral and temporary that can be with you. From week to week your mind would change. Which only reminds me of another logical reason to be glad you did not choose me. If only my heart would listen to all that reason. Link to post Share on other sites
KYoung2200 Posted January 9, 2011 Share Posted January 9, 2011 Pretty much the same thing here Lonely. My ex has jumped from guy to guy to guy. I thought that I would be the end of that road. Guess I was wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
0hpenelope Posted January 9, 2011 Share Posted January 9, 2011 I'm up and down in my process of healing from our relationship. Sometimes I dwell on you, but there are days where I find it easier to shake off thoughts about you. Like today. I wish I'll have more days like this because you're really not worth thinking about. I want to move on so badly, but I guess I have to feel everything first in order to let go. If I fight the feeling too much, I'll just keep thinking of you and letting go will be much harder. Link to post Share on other sites
J Wool Posted January 10, 2011 Share Posted January 10, 2011 (edited) A I have no regrets about getting involved with you, am not angry about you leaving nor while I was at peace when you contacted me only to let me know you have found a man or adding me as friend on FB to found out you are actually rubbing your new fling in my face. How can you compare a 3 years of togetherness with one that is less than 6 months old? I had 1 wish however and that is to give u back your virginity...I know longer feel special taking it Edited January 10, 2011 by J Wool Link to post Share on other sites
smilesalot1 Posted January 10, 2011 Share Posted January 10, 2011 OK, it seems a few of us have had a rough time with the darned NC. I had fantasies today of unloading all this anger, longing, and "WTF" onto my ex. I am creating this thread as a place for all of us in pain to post instead of contacting Ms/Mr ex. It could actually be kind of fun, at least a release. I had a friend with a terrier dog who used to look out the window and whenever he saw another dog or squirrel or whatever dogs want to kill he would grab the nearest object and shake it furiously, all the while glaring at the object of his hatred, and barking/growling with his mouth full. It was hilarious and poignant, and I have to say, I relate to that pup! What would you like to tell him or her? Even if it's been building up for years, post it here! Rage-fest! Longing-fest! DO NOT CONTACT that frigging ex, put it all here!! My Dearest, I realize so much since I've left...how cold the air is without your arms, how breathing is hard and how lost I am since you shut me out of your heart. I know I am eternally lost since you made your heart my home and now I cannot return. No man will ever love like you and I now realize what your love was to me. L Link to post Share on other sites
marqueemoon4 Posted January 10, 2011 Share Posted January 10, 2011 (edited) A- What a bad idea trying to talk to you yesterday. You're bitter about our marriage? Ok, well it wasn't so great for me either. I don't deserve to be bitter? After everything I did for you for 8yrs?? Its all about you, and since you have the capacity to be completely heartless, cold and don't care I'm left getting ruined by this divorce. I miss our son, and you don't care whether I see him or not? I made my bed so I have to lay in it? I could never, ever imagine treating you in such a cruel manner when I know how much pain you're in. This is hurting our son and destroying me and honestly I think you're enjoying it. I can say without question the worst day of my life was the day I had the misfortune of meeting you. Edited January 10, 2011 by marqueemoon4 Link to post Share on other sites
AC06 Posted January 10, 2011 Share Posted January 10, 2011 (day 13 nc) I wish I could be there when you figure it out. Sadly, I'm trying my best not to hate you, and it isn't working. I just do. I hate who you're trying to be, because I know full well it isn't you, and deep down you know it, too. You just can't accept it. I won't be the one who lives with regrets, though. Link to post Share on other sites
9Lives Posted January 10, 2011 Share Posted January 10, 2011 I still miss you and think about you. I'm moving on and I should. I can't believe that we are not together anymore. I hope one day we will be something. I guess I still love you. I pray to God that he would heal my heart and help me accept what I have to live with everyday. I love you. I miss you. I wish you loved me and wanted to talk to me and hear my voice. But. I'm trying to let go of all that thru God and prayer. There is nothing else I can do. One God, please help me. -m trying to believe, agree, and accept this. Please help me. I still love him. If its so wrong then clease me so I can be free. I need you Lord. I been trying for so long to walk away yet my love is still here. I need you Lord. Link to post Share on other sites
0hpenelope Posted January 10, 2011 Share Posted January 10, 2011 Your explanations brought no closure. The only closure will come from me. I'm actually really sad because I realized today that I can't speak to our mutual friends because I'm still at that point where I'm badmouthing you (because I'm still angry) and because it makes me sad that they have the privilege of talking to you. I can't talk to you anymore. Ever. I refuse to cling to that hope. I want you back, but not like this. If we do meet again, I want you to be as close to being a stranger to me as possible - and myself, the same to you. A lot of the "dumper coming back" stories I've read I appreciate from the "Wow, the dumpee's completely over them and she (he) was the one wishing for the ex back! When it happened, she (he) didn't want the ex anymore. Woooow!" viewpoint. If you really care about me, you won't have walked away. You walked away instead of fixing problems with me, so you don't care as much as you say you do. I can feel myself getting so much stronger already. And it's so sad that our mutual friends agree that you're an azzhole, that they've thought that I'm way too good for you, and that you treat them the same way you treated me. They put up with you more because their expectations from you are pretty low. I cannot believe you took out your issues on me... I want you back, but I won't become a doormat. Link to post Share on other sites
Biker2007 Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 A, First, I want to apologize for the way things ended between us. I never intended to insinuate anything negative about you in any of our conversations. My comment that seemed to make you angry the last weekend we were together was focused toward me as I had put on a couple of pounds after the racing season. I was simply making conversation...nothing more. I want you to know that I never meant to say or do anything to criticize you. This misunderstanding added to a sense of frustration that I had. I can only speak for me, but I felt like our communication was a little off during the last few weeks of the relationship. Perhaps this was just my own insecurity, but it was not a good reason to disappear for a few days as I did in our last week. I let my frustration get the better of me. For what it's worth, I know there was a better way to handle the situation and I get to live with that thought. I wish you the best, Link to post Share on other sites
marqueemoon4 Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 I was bored at work and wrote up a list of 25 things that would be different if we ever got back together. I almost emailed it to you. God, I'm stupid. Link to post Share on other sites
Akumark Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 I've been thinking about you since this morning, I want to do something with you, drink my tea while you drink your guiness LOL, smoke a shisha at a cafe, play some cards there, just talk to see if we connect as friends...but who am I fooling, thinking I just want to be your friend... I want to get in your pants again so much... and even if I was interested in more, I just know too much about your sex life to feel I could satisfy you... where the hell am I going with this, I need to love me more (and OMG work is pilling up while I waste time thinking) Link to post Share on other sites
Buzzkillington Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 My friend asked me to dig out an old picture of me and another friend off the computer yesterday, and I accidentally saw a picture of you and me before we were even together. We're barely recognisable, about 16 I think, but it made me think about you. Not a good few days in general to be honest. You have exams this month - good luck... I think . Link to post Share on other sites
SimonSerenade Posted January 12, 2011 Share Posted January 12, 2011 Sam You really have gone down hill haven't you?, Swearing infront of our son, Flaunting your happiness for all to see, You really have no sense of respect anymore do you?, No shred of humanity remains in you, Was a nice and meaingful goodbye really too much to ask?, I figured I at least deserved that, You hurt me, Shouted at me and pushed me around without one apology. I'm ashamed of myself for letting you talk to me like **** and use me like you did, I didn't deserve it but you took advantage of the fact that the break up was killing me, I did everything I possibly could and time and time again you chose everyone and everything but me, You really know how to make me feel like nothing at all don't you? Well not anymore, I'm gonna move on and my main aim to be a thousands time the person you'll ever be. You will regret this one day when you grow up, I know that much for sure, How you could one day wake up and decide you didn't love me anymore is beyond me and I know you'll never ever get better than me and if you ever give anyone else a try then I hope you know that there will never ever be a chance for me and you again, I'm second to nobody, Never forget that. You let me down and you walked out on me but the biggest victim in this is our son, I don't think you'll get many thanks from him when hes old enough to speak for denying him a good family life with his father, I hope you regret throwing that away cause you'll never ever have that again **** you bitch! Link to post Share on other sites
Mrlonelyone Posted January 12, 2011 Share Posted January 12, 2011 S, Tomorrow I'm going to see Jeffery M. Leving. It's going to cost me $120 that I can ill afford just to talk to one of his associates to find out what my legal options are. Talking to the young lady on the phone was a relife from the past lawyers I spoke to. Those were scumbags who get scumbag deadbeats off the hook for paying for unwanted kids. She made it sound like this type of situation is not at all unusual. I'm going to just find out what my options are right now and think carefully about how much what I could do to you in court would humiliate you. I really don't want to make you hate me. I really don't want to ruin what for you may be a good thing. However I have my responsibilities, feelings, and rights to think of. All of those center on my having a say in what happens to the child of my loins and yours. If It turns out the DNA result is positive and I would bet a million it would, I only want one thing. I want you to send our son to live with his aunt and uncle because they are the real family he has known. We will both send money and separately or together visit him. Meanwhile we can both go our separate ways if that's what you really want. I really above all else want our son to learn the right values in life, and your brother I know will teach him those. I meant every word I wrote. I really do still care for you very deeply. Unlike the man you met 12 weeks ago or so, I have known you for 12 years. I am not in a haze of thinking your **** don't stink, a honeymoon. I know it does and I wouldn't care. My ideal situation would be me and you and our son living as a family unit. I know that could not happen over nite it would be hard work I am still willing to do it and would prefer that to court. I really think that at least the two of us could work this out, somehow, without needing to go to court. How did we let this happen to us? We are suppose to be a couple of super smart people and we manged to screw this up like a pair of emotionally disabled people. Even if we could not be a couple their has to have been a better way. Link to post Share on other sites
coltsfan1 Posted January 12, 2011 Share Posted January 12, 2011 ex, I miss the old you so much i saw a mutual friends post about sonogram and my heart sank. all I can think about is you are now pregnant by some other man and I don't know if its even about you. I know you want me gone and I know you never want me in your life again. You have treated me so poorly and I still want you. I don't know how to regain my confidence and dignity all I have ever wanted is to be with you and have a family. I now feel lost and betrayed, I am trying to fix the things in my life that cost us or relationship and i know it will not bring you back to me and I know that i shouldn't want you back. But I still worry and care for you and your son. Which are no longer my concern, I am sorry I ever brought pain into your life and I hope one day you can forgive yourself for the way you treated me and left us and our friends... FML Link to post Share on other sites
Maggotface Posted January 12, 2011 Share Posted January 12, 2011 You were not the super amazing boyfriend you think you are. You can't take someone back and then punish them everyday for the things they did to you in the past, why even take me back!? To torture me? I know you did it subconciously and I'm glad you realized that you needed to grow as a person and let things go before we can continue with "us" and that you also realized that you were hurting me and still punishing me. A relationship cannot work with only one person trying. I did everything, lost a lot, for the sake of us, you couldnt even do the simplist things. I asked you to do things for ligit reasons, not just because I was jealous. It's not okay for you to tell your **** buddy that you found someone new, even if you arnt having sex with her anymore she still thinks she's your **** buddy! And it's not okay so stay up all night getting high with a girl who has feelings for you! For you to think there's nothing wrong with this is rediculous. All my guy friends knew about you and the ones who tried to have sex with me got booted out of my life. I miss you and I think it hurts the most that I cared so much for you and put so much into us and you don't miss me at all. Some of the things you say to me give me so much hope that we could still be happy together but my gut feeling is telling me that will never happen and I want to believe that would be best for me but it's really hard to be optimistic right now. I cant put into words how much I want you right now. Link to post Share on other sites
marqueemoon4 Posted January 12, 2011 Share Posted January 12, 2011 I am going to meet you today to do our son's dr appt for his 4yr checkup. I am not going to say a word about anything other than our son. I can do this. Link to post Share on other sites
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