proactivedreamer Posted March 16, 2011 Share Posted March 16, 2011 Nothing I say or feel matters because it's done, right? I am just having a hard time walking away..but..pfff. *shrugs* I want to smile again...I want this pain I feel to be in the distant past. I miss you but...what else is there to say? You wanted out, right? you got what you came for, and thats that. Link to post Share on other sites
TryTryAgain Posted March 16, 2011 Share Posted March 16, 2011 I hope there is still a part of you that wants us to be together. I know you have a ton going on right now, but know that I am here, at least for the time being anyways. Let's get together for a drink when things calm down. Let's start fresh. Yes, you've hurt me, but I can't stop caring for you. I really do think you have some personal issues you need to address, but please know that I accept you for who you are. Hopefully your new living situation will calm other parts of your life, including our relationship. Don't give up on us. We can make it. You just have to be willing to not shut me out when I start getting close. You have to want it. Sometimes you do, sometimes you don't. Your contant back and forth confuses me and quite truthfully hurts like no other pain I've ever experienced. Come back to me for good. Let's build a life together. Link to post Share on other sites
radiodarcy Posted March 17, 2011 Share Posted March 17, 2011 came across your profile on ok cupid the other day. scanned the pictures but i didnt bother reading what you wrote. what's the point? it's not like any of it applies to me anyway... Link to post Share on other sites
SweetyBear Posted March 17, 2011 Share Posted March 17, 2011 Today, I'm incredibly emotional. I feel disconnected with everything and everyone around me. It is really strange to feel like this, but it's like there is not one person in this world who gets me or even wants to put the effort in to get to know me. Tomorrow is a new day and I probably won't feel this way then. I have so, so many questions. Why won't you give me any answers? I'd hate to think you were really playing me all this time. I'd really hate that. I still hate how it appears that I wasn't important enough to you to merit just a little bit of effort. Will I ever mean anything to anybody? Link to post Share on other sites
marqueemoon4 Posted March 17, 2011 Share Posted March 17, 2011 Today, I'm incredibly emotional. I feel disconnected with everything and everyone around me. It is really strange to feel like this, but it's like there is not one person in this world who gets me or even wants to put the effort in to get to know me. Tomorrow is a new day and I probably won't feel this way then. I have so, so many questions. Why won't you give me any answers? I'd hate to think you were really playing me all this time. I'd really hate that. I still hate how it appears that I wasn't important enough to you to merit just a little bit of effort. Will I ever mean anything to anybody? this is exactly how I feel lately.. feel like every action or word out of mouth is completely misunderstood and I am completely alone with my thoughts. Its a very isolated feeling. I crave understanding and I can't get it anywhere, from anyone. I totally understand why I feel the way I do, no one else does. Link to post Share on other sites
arnabsuave Posted March 17, 2011 Share Posted March 17, 2011 so s***,how is life????Are you enjoying the freedom you so dearly wanted???...are the guys in your college hot enough???Hope you can have flings now without any commitment!!! You were such a manipulative cheat that i sometimes hate myself for having loved you...and that too for 5 years...you tried to make me as aloof from my friends as you were-a friendless unsocial creature...You just played with my life like an ass****...See i cant even stop myself from cursing you,no matter how much i wanna stop myself...You bruised me so badly... When you left you just had no reason but still you used to call me up and haunt me day in and day out...how could you be so ungrateful...Do you remember the days when you used to beg and cry like an a** when i had decided to breakup last year after i had caught you cheating???then you dramatized commiting suicide,and i fell for it...I still trusted you and now see how costly it proved... your only answer to all the questions I have is "I'm a free person,I can come out of a relationship as and when i want to"...What more can a **** of a person like you say??? I have only 1 line for you now "dont think you won,actually you just didnt deserve me" ... Link to post Share on other sites
Da_1_n_OnlyN3na Posted March 17, 2011 Share Posted March 17, 2011 (edited) ok well its ben a couple days since i ended things with you..Like always im missing you alot im not as sad and depressed as the times before but i still miss you. But i really cant go back with you anymore.. i know ive said this a trillion times but like ive told you before im sotired of going through the same shyt every time with you. itsz like you got insecurities yourself, you have me but you still want to talk to other girls wtf is that? I THOUGHT YOU GREW UP FROM THAT SHYT its ben more than 4 years now...im tired of being the girl you always go to but im never your only girl. Ive never been the one for you....you say you havent done anything that you havent cheated that you just want to have friends..but thats bull**** kus you wouldnt be calling girls mami or asking them to chill when you already have a gf!!!!! is it just me that you dont want to commit to or wtf is it? i dont really think you care for me like i thought you did. its better to be without you even though i really miss you things between me and you have gotten crazy with the whole physical beat downs we have gotten into and it wasnt healthy for us. I have always felt insecure, and paranoid and jealous with you ever since the whole cheating started. and at this last time that we got back toguether i thought that maybe we were finally passed that and were growing up and everything was going to be fine...but..i guess not..it just sucks that me and you are never good. its obvious that i want something real and steady and you just want to have fun...i needa get over you its only 4 more months left till my lease is over and i wont have to live with your older sister and i wont have to see you when you come over that house to chill. after that i will NEVER GET TO C YOU AGAIN..... its ok though..iL be fine you probably already have another girl anyways since you always have a backup bitch. w.e im getting pissed off rite now dont want to think about you no more..im gonna have fun and make new friends.. and hopefully one day find a guy that is really worth it..well bye forever and this time is for good.. i promise...bye Edited March 17, 2011 by Da_1_n_OnlyN3na Link to post Share on other sites
radiodarcy Posted March 17, 2011 Share Posted March 17, 2011 snuck onto yahoo messenger to spy on you. i see that your status says your (still) away. either you're having a busy day at work or you're (most likely) wooing some co-worker the same way you did with me. i really need to stop doing this to myself. Link to post Share on other sites
Blueberry7691 Posted March 17, 2011 Share Posted March 17, 2011 JERK!!! You have NO F ING idea how retarded you are!!! It's gonna bite you in your ass later. You're soo STUPID!!! I'M F ING DONE!!! Link to post Share on other sites
proactivedreamer Posted March 17, 2011 Share Posted March 17, 2011 What a ****ing ride these last 6 weeks have been! I seriously can say that I am a wreck, my heart still holds onto you but my head is starting to look for you less and less. My mind and heart are seriously divided. I am slowly walking away... I waver between acceptance and hope. I just want some consistency for once, you know? I have repeatedly stated that this break up has jolted my reality, and while I am trying to recover it just feels surreal. I blame it on my youth, you know? I blame my unfailing hope in you on my youth, and I wish I were older and then, perhaps, I could have seen this coming, but this break up brought a tsunami of emotions and despair...it completely ravaged my life. Maybe there was a warning...you know like when a tsunami is going to hit, one doesn't really see it if they are not familiar with the signs, but the tide didn't recede, there was no warning of a coming tragedy, just a massive wave coming to bring sadness to my heart. I wanted you more than anything. I played with the dreams of mad adventure, love, passion, children, color, travel, places, people, experiences that I could have with you. You are absolutely everything I wanted. We share so many things in common. Musically, philosophically, travel wise, lifestyle wise-for the most part. I am just sad to see it go. I am sad to see it packed away in the box of failed relationships and heartbreak. I know I will love again but will he be like you? I can't even fathom another like you...and I hate to keep you on that pedestal because I know you are just an ordinary person but I think the world of you. Well that's that, right? You just walk away? no chance for working on it? These are dark times but the light will come again...I just miss you. I miss what it was like...I miss how unlikely our pairing was. I still love you...bisous. Link to post Share on other sites
TryTryAgain Posted March 17, 2011 Share Posted March 17, 2011 I convinced myself that you would have certainly contacted me by now. Are you just too much of a coward to break up with me for good? Did you think that this was going to be easier on me to just ignore me? Or is this all for you? I guess it's probably all about you once again. You have no regard for my feelings, you never have. I feel absolutely miserable right now. There has never been anyone in my life who has been the source of so much pain and anguish. Why did you have to turn out to be such a cold person? You let me down. And I still care. What does that say about me? I'm a pretty broken person. I hope one day to get past you. Link to post Share on other sites
SimonSerenade Posted March 18, 2011 Share Posted March 18, 2011 I convinced myself that you would have certainly contacted me by now. Are you just too much of a coward to break up with me for good? Did you think that this was going to be easier on me to just ignore me? Or is this all for you? I guess it's probably all about you once again. You have no regard for my feelings, you never have. I feel absolutely miserable right now. There has never been anyone in my life who has been the source of so much pain and anguish. Why did you have to turn out to be such a cold person? You let me down. And I still care. What does that say about me? I'm a pretty broken person. I hope one day to get past you. I feel you buddy, I too wonder how I somehow managed to give it my all and get nothing but a cold hearted attitude in return and along with that she left and has not yet shown she gave a rats ass about the last 3 years we shared, I just wonder how I could hurt so much like this and she could just move on so easily like I never existed, the pain will pass though I promise, these days I still feel sad but not to the unbarable extent that it was at, just the odd hurt feeling over all that she wasted, your already much more of a person than she'll ever be, you've shown that time and time again by just feeling what you feel, makes you a real person!. Link to post Share on other sites
SweetyBear Posted March 18, 2011 Share Posted March 18, 2011 I have to keep reminding myself that what I am missing and longing for are things that were not present past the six month marker in our relationship. I have been reading about the "honeymoon" period and how once it's over, you get to see truly who and how the person is. There was definitely a line of demarcation in our relationship. There was a point when the wooing was over. My behavior reminds me of a drug addict chasing that first high. I was attempting over and over again to get back what was so present and apparent in those first six months. I thought I did something or that there was just a time when you lost your care and concern for me for one reason or another. The more I read, the more convinced I am that the honeymoon was over. You proved that you could go months without seeing me when we lived less than an hour away. Every way I tried to create ways for us to spend time together was met with your rejection. I have read about long-distance relationships, where people live states and even countries away, and the participants have more contact than we did. I'm sure if we talk again, you will tell me you are hurt and that's why you aren't contacting me now. I am past caring. You didn't care while we were still together and I was trying desperately to capture your attention. Besides all of that, you are legally bound to another woman. I waited six months after finding out that news for you to do something about it. First it was one thing and then it was another. I don't really think you want to be married to her, but I also believe that you are an adult and you basically can do what you want. First, you told me that you were waiting on the house issues to be ironed out and then you said it was about money. Those things could both have been legitimate reasons, but there was no headway at all. You never introduced me, in three years, to your parents. I told you that would go a long way in making me feel more secure, but I swallowed that want after so many times of having it fall through. Writing all this out helps because it makes me absolutely certain of my decision. It makes me want to kick myself for chasing that initial high for so long, but it gives me peace about ending things also. While I would like to believe that maybe I misunderstood, I am learning more and more that I just didn't really know you and thought you were who you presented in the first six months. I miss him but that's not who you are now and not who you have been for the last two and a half years. Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted March 18, 2011 Share Posted March 18, 2011 I like monkeys Link to post Share on other sites
radiodarcy Posted March 18, 2011 Share Posted March 18, 2011 arghh!! i'm practically sitting on my hands to keep myself from contacting you!! indifference where are you already? Link to post Share on other sites
loveforever Posted March 18, 2011 Share Posted March 18, 2011 It just dawned on me..... A lot of financial situations have come up here lately.... Front door needs to be replaced, the bathroom needs to be repaired after the flood, something here, something there.... You are making good money....very good money....but the thought just crept in my head what if you just said these things to me because you felt like you can't afford for me to move out ???? When I said "It's over !!!!" you said "Only if you want it to be !"....did you really mean we would have a chance at reconciliation or did you see the bills coming in and said it because you realized you'd be better off sticking it out with me until I can afford to go by myself ?!?!?! Would make sense why you don't kiss me, or hug me, say I love you, or all the other stuff couples do.... I'm getting really mad now, thinking this could be the case !!!!! But it helps...it helps detaching myself from you !!!!! From now on, I will care only about myself and the kids....180 all the way !!!!!!! Maybe you'll come around and I'll give it a chance.... If not....then you will be sorry, not me !!!!! You are the one losing something good, something real !!!!!!! Just so you know it !!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
havehope Posted March 20, 2011 Share Posted March 20, 2011 i hate my life. im sorry i said i love you and freaked you out and sent you all those messages and phone calls. please write me back. :-( i can't stop crying Link to post Share on other sites
LD1981 Posted March 20, 2011 Share Posted March 20, 2011 destroyed, depressed, making myself ill... and you couldn't give a flying ****... I have to see you everyday and all you do is blank me and its me that has to listen to YOU cry everynight, so loud i can hear it from another room!! Am I supposed to feel better that your hurting when this is what you want???? I might love you with every piece of my broken heart but right now, your selfishness aint helping me cope any better.... you want me to move on?? LET GO THEN!!!!!! I am not gonna be your "backup plan" friend when you realise that life with others isnt the same as being with me..... YOUR LOSS Link to post Share on other sites
Nikki Sahagin Posted March 20, 2011 Share Posted March 20, 2011 Hey dude. Half expected to see the other night. Was relieved that I didn't. Heard some things about you and that you aren't doing too great. The changes you expected haven't happened yet. I hope you find happiness and me too. My hearts still reserved for you, but I think that will change. Take care xxxxxx Link to post Share on other sites
K.K. Posted March 20, 2011 Share Posted March 20, 2011 Last week and the week before, I was feeling better than I have since we first broke up. You always sent me voicemails and even though every single time I was terrified to hear what you were going to say... I needed those. I figured out that that's why I never blocked your number. Because they kept me going. Hearing your voice. Slowly coming to terms with the fact that I'm gone cause of what you did. You can't undo it. I'm not a forgiver. Well, you haven't sent one for a week. I'm kinda relieved but find myself falling way down on the strength meter. I'm hurting again. Just like day one. I'm having nightmares again. You leaving me to burn up in buildings while you run away. Kissing other women in front of me and laughing about it.. **** like that. I can't put my finger on it but I feel something really really bad is going to happen to me soon. This feeling of dread. I keep dreaming about my life and wrongs I've done. I keep picking up the phone to call you after 3 long months and tell you all the things you don't deserve to hear. That I loved you. That I'll always love you. Always. Not a day will go by for the rest of my life without feeling the pain of you no longer being in it. But I know that I'll cry as soon as I get the first word out and well.... you don't deserve it. You know what? You completely destroyed me. I don't even know who I am anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
SimonSerenade Posted March 21, 2011 Share Posted March 21, 2011 I dunno what to say anymore, I'm stumped, you creeped into my dreams last night and it was horrible, I just watched you with someone else and it killed me, worse thing about that is it could one day be reality, you took my dreams and now your going to give them to somebody else, I've done some bad things in my life but I never deserved this, maybe one day you'll see just bad you were and grow up, maybe I'll get my apology but I don't care anymore either way Link to post Share on other sites
LoveBug1989 Posted March 21, 2011 Share Posted March 21, 2011 Now that I have time off from work my mind has unfortunately been on you. I was thinking about the odd things you'd get angry at me about. Like when I accidentally bumped into you when I was walking too close to you and you got snappy at me and walked away from me. Or when you'd get irritated at my good friends and call them nasty names to me. Or the times when I would accidentally let go of your hand in a public place and you'd get annoyed at me for that. Or when you didn't even give me a card, much less a gift, on my birthday, whereas I spent a lot of time hand making and painting a card for you on your birthday and wrote words on it straight from my heart. Or the way you got possessive of me when you found out that AFTER you broke up with me, a male friend on Facebook started to be friendly and flirty with me. Like you wanted to control me even when we were NOT in a relationship together. Meanwhile you casually mentioned that when you broke up with me, you tried to date girls again and didn't know how...and that you had been a little cuddly with some stupid bitch but "didn't do anything else". I will bet you that's bull$hit too. For some reason I was so estatic at the time that you were coming back to me I didn't think about it. But I still also remember the times you'd hug me tight, kiss me, look into my eyes and give me that great smile. I remember your laugh, and the sweetness you had when we first started dating. I don't know what happened to you. I feel like you thought it might be great to have a girlfriend, but didn't want to put the work into maintaining a serious relationship and wanted to hook up with other girls. Well thank you for making those "sincere" promises to me when I gave you a second chance, like "you are the one I want to provide for." "You inspire me to get my life together". "I can't wait to see you again". "I miss you so much". "I've missed hearing your laugh". "I love you so much". "I never want to hurt you again". Bull$hit. Link to post Share on other sites
SweetyBear Posted March 21, 2011 Share Posted March 21, 2011 You had me fooled. That is all. Link to post Share on other sites
marqueemoon4 Posted March 21, 2011 Share Posted March 21, 2011 so my guess is you're "in love" with this OM you're living with now. good for you. I'll find love again.. but I'll do so after fixing myself as much as possible so I can have a healthy relationship. so much I didn't know about you, but now I see you pattern. how could I not know my day was coming? Link to post Share on other sites
TryTryAgain Posted March 21, 2011 Share Posted March 21, 2011 You owe me an apology. Plain and simple. Link to post Share on other sites
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