Post here instead of contacting your ex!

[AcaciaStrain]

I would just like to say **** you, for not only break my heart but crushing it. I gave you everything i had until i had nothing left, still your selfishness doesn't even comprehend that.

[livingroomsciolist]

I was attracted to your innocence and child-like view of the world. It was that perspective that gives you freedom to be absolutely free spirited and amazingly creative. What I failed to realize, it that you are a child.

 

You hide. You are a scared little boy. You in the comfort of your friends, you hide in the art scene. Do you think it's ok to "like" my facebook posts from the comfort of your dark room, and then not even come out to acknowledge my presence when I drive over three hours back and forth to pick up car loads of my stuff(from my PARENT's HOUSE, who I am LUCKY had a available for me to stay/rot in. They don't care if I stay here eternally, as long as they have someone to do light cleaning to their decaying home so they can keep to their cheap vodka drinking and reality tv watching/go compulsively shop at the local mall for things they don't need and probably already own)?

 

You made me the world's biggest fool.

 

I gave everything for you.

 

How long do think your new relationship will last, when she realizes you have no idea how to take care of yourself. That your "quirky" appearance is really just your inability to dress and take care of yourself. That you are too lazy to even turn on a stove and consider raw ramen noodles and ketchup a substantial dinner?

 

I am the idiot. I gave up a job I liked, a house i loved, the only circle of like-minded friends i've had, my car, all my money - all because you asked me to move to another state to be with you.

 

Guess what? If I had the time or the resources to deal with the death of my best friend, I would have never jumped into a "relationship" with you. You were only someone to cling on to, a desperate attempt at filling a void. I'm borderline asshat, I just needed a personality to replicate because I am an empty, bruised shell.

 

Oh well, when I was doing your laundry, cleaning, cooking, working ****TY dangerous jobs so I could be with YOU, taking care of your cat, being mommy for someone 6 years my senior - all it did was give you time to reconnect with your ex and watch anime all day.

 

You may not do drugs, but you don't need them. You are only concerned with your own immediate happiness. When the "honeymoon period" wears off, and real life sets in with her- you won't be able to deal. You have NEVER had to deal with how much life should hurt and how hard it can be. I did all of that for us when you told me you would support me if I quit my job(and like an idiot I did), then you got fired the next day(although, I have suspicions that you did not get fired and this was another avoidant ploy to end our relationship without having any confrontation) So you don't evolve. You remain forever 14.

 

I realize that you may be less stupid then I thought you were, because you finally woke up to the fact that being involved with me wasn't a good idea. But, instead of being a man with balls, you made childish attempts to make me go away. No christmas presents? Fine, stupid holiday anyway. Didn't do anything for my birthday, except having me take care of the $70 bar tab... sure, what i make is ours anyway, right?.... Not looking for a job, fine you're a creative soul who shouldn't be squashed by a 9-5! I'll do the work.. Asking me three days before we move into a new place if I would CONSIDER getting separate apartments? That was your attempt at leaving me, REALLY?

 

When you started getting letters from her and when little "gifts" started disappearing from your room, I knew(sounds familiar - try a different routine when you try to woo the next stupid girl please)

 

You didn't try hard enough to shake me away, Pathetic.

 

But I still don't understand why you would sign a year lease on the apartment you saw me work hard to get, when you were in love with someone else. All it would have taken was a 10 second monologue and I would have been out the door. But according to the letter I found to her(if you didn't want me to find it, you would have hidden it a little better, how smooth), you were hoping that things would just fade away "naturally". What the **** is that supposed to mean? Like your way, lying, cheating, avoiding any face to face communication, is the "natural" way? Wake up and grow up.

 

 

BTW - you suck in bed *******. I will never contact you again. Let's be honest, I'm a codependent depressed alcoholic borderline neurotic and you're just avoidant and lazy. You are much better off. Go get some adult coping and communication skills.

[livingroomsciolist]

well, it feels good to type that, but I would never send that. He hurt me deeper then I've felt before, and when I found out the lengths he would go to avoid pain.. I was grieving all over again. I may have not gone into and remained in the relationship for the healthiest reasons, but I still genuinely loved him and the good times were beyond explanation and felt a connection to him I don't think I will feel with anyone else. Maybe it was less about love and more about common experience and shared flaws, who knows.

[RodG]

You're nothing but a joke to me now. I've lost over twenty pounds since you dumped me like a sack of crap about two and a half months ago. I'm fitter than ever and I'm actually happy now. I'm sure you're still the same chocolate eating cow that you've always been.

 

I used to think I was the one that held you back, but now I realize it was the other way around.

[bikinibeach]

well, it feels good to type that, but I would never send that. He hurt me deeper then I've felt before, and when I found out the lengths he would go to avoid pain.. I was grieving all over again. I may have not gone into and remained in the relationship for the healthiest reasons, but I still genuinely loved him and the good times were beyond explanation and felt a connection to him I don't think I will feel with anyone else. Maybe it was less about love and more about common experience and shared flaws, who knows.

 

your rant was very well put. your ex sounds disgusting and unfortunately....familiar.

 

people like that will NEVER be happy until they truly get out of denial and actually want to change. which is unlikely. be glad you got away- he's her problem now.

[bonpaw2008]

It's been over a year since we broke up and you still know how to get to me. I have tried NC, tried being your friend, tried taking you back on "your terms". Why does it always have to be what you want what you need? I don't get security, I just sit here and wait for you to give me scraps and hope that this isn't the time you are going to run again. This is not the life I want. I want the person that makes me laugh, that looks at me with such love in his eyes, that is goofy, funny, the one I can't live without. You give that guy to me, only to snatch him away with a snarky comment or doing something to remind me that this is all temporary. How can you treat me like this?

 

Really, it is how can I let you treat me like this? I am so much better than this Mark. So much better than being your hold-over person until something better comes along. I don't give a **** if you really do care about me and can't express it. You have had three ****ing years to figure this out. Why can't I just get some gd self respect and leave you?

 

I have tried to date other people, find someone that means as much to me as you. But I NEED TO MEAN ENOUGH TO ME so I can leave you once and for all. Why do you have such a hold on me? Why can't I just tell you to **** off if you don't care enough about me to make this a permanent thing?????

 

I have no self respect, I just give you everything you want and have nothing left for me. How did I get this way, how do I keep slipping back into the same old ****?

 

I love me - you are no good for me - this is it Mark, this is my strength day. I am going to tell you how I feel. I am going to ask you where this relationship is going. I am going to be back on this gd board tomorrow crying my eyes out trying to figure out how to stay away from you.

[dicky_fish]

Happy Birthday sweetheart. I love you so much and wish I could have been there today. It feels so alien not talking to you on this day when you consider just how much I did for you on this day every time for the past 3 years, the last 2 in particular. Did they mean anything to you?

 

I hate being in this situation! I want you back so badly it hurts. I keep seeing your presence everywhere I look. On my walk last night I felt you by my side, I even stuck my hand out because I thought you were there to hold it. I sat on a swing and felt you stood in front of me ready to huggle, when I layed down where you used to sleep in the living room with me at home I felt you wrap around me.

 

I miss you xxxxx

[bikinibeach]

my life feels empty and lonely in a way you might not have been able to cure, but could have effectively distracted me from.

 

watching documentaries on the couch, midnight disney movies on the projector, card games and cold coffee at that joint with the ****ty service.

 

it truly struck me the other day how awful it was that when i was at my lowest, no family or friends, the man i was sleeping with was taking his ex girlfriend to movies, dinner, going shopping, eating her cooking and watching tv and talking in her apartment late at night.

 

i sure could have used a friend then.

 

i could use one now.

 

though about feeding you some breadcrumbs out of boredom and curiosity. your reply or lack thereof would give me something to look forward to.

 

steph and i go out alot but i can't talk to her, she is so self centered. and only ever talks about guys. or bothers me to give my opinion on whether her outfit would look best with silver or gold shoes, and then double checks with me again before walking out the door i can't take my life right now

 

why has the world always been such a hostile environment for me? years from now will i look back to my twenties as the time i spent with men who never really cared about me, no real friends, in my room with the shades drawn being depressed??

 

it's somewhat my fault really. i can cry you a river but the truth is that i have some guy friends who would moon over and cater to my whims if i allowed it. i just don't have that in me- i find it so unappealing.

 

i think back to you and on the surface it might look like i have it worse than you but the truth is that i am taking my time to grieve and get better.

 

i have honestly NEVER EVEN MET someone as socially inept and emotionally unstable and irrational as you. you border on being committed. i don't think you'll ever get help.

 

it hurts me- you have something pretty good deep inside of you but i think the abuse and rejection and pain you suffered endlessly when you were young has really done a number on you, on top of whatever other psychological malfunctions you must have in your biology because let's face it- you are so so extremely messed up.

 

i hate that this happened to that beautiful child in those pictures.

 

i looked at a closeup of your face with the impala. i never had before because you were shaded by the hat.

 

it's the same face from those pictures.

 

heartbreaking

 

but you're not a baby, you're supposed to be a grown man and you made some decisions regarding our relationship that you will regret for forever, no doubt.

 

at this point, sitting here crying and so upset, some secret part of me is searching frantically for something i could do, can do, should have done but there is nothing

 

nothing now.

 

and with you and as far as any future two sided interaction between us, there never, ever will be.

[Nohbody]

It's harder when it gets dark. I keep meaning to go out... get out for any reason. I don't, not very much... hard to pretend to see the point. I get so angry when I think about you, now. I wish I wasn't thinking about you. I'm doing it less and less, slowly but surely. I really love you. Someday I'll put a 'd' at the end of that, make it past tense.

 

I'm afraid of the coming of that day... and I can't wait at the same time. Who will I be then?

[emby]

I miss you baby. People keep asking me about you and I can't stop crying. Because I have only good things to say about you. I say bad things but I know that I don't mean them and that just hurts even more. I want to speak to you but I don't, not because I'm doing no contact but because I genuinely don't know what to say anymore. I just want to hear your voice and check you're doing okay. 6 weeks! It's been 6 weeks now. I'm so happy that you're happy and enjoying life. But baby I'm just not at all. Sometimes I feel like I'm getting worse.

[Cheatkahtauts]

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[Nohbody]

Want to write you an email expressing angry thoughts and beliefs. Not going to do it.

[patagonia]

It has felt SO good not talking to you for 4 days. My heart was aching today but you are not worth my energy and thoughts right now. Onward into the sunset I ride...

[sabresfanwp7]

I'm pissed at you. But most of all, I'm pissed at myself for wanting to forgive you.

 

We were going to try things out as friends, and I wanted to do that. I really did. I gave you my day off to you for us to do whatever you wanted to do. After that, I wanted to meet your friends, and you to meet mine.

 

But when that day came, you decide to stand me up.

 

And then, days later, along with your apology to make yourself feel better, you tell me that "it's weird to hang out with me alone?".

 

What kind of friend does that?

 

You're the worst kind of person. Behind your vegetarianism, your weekend volunteering at immigrant shelters, your marathon training, you're a deceitful, manipulative witch with no sense of honesty or decency.

 

And I hate that I want to forgive you and give you another chance. I hate that while you "apologized", I didn't want to throw the **** you threw at me back because I'm not one to get truly filled with that kind of rage. I just held on to that phone, and took it.

 

You're a toxic person and I wish I never met you.

[amethyste]

I guess I'm just curious if you ever think of me. Do you D., do you? I don't know... Do you ever wonder how I'm doing? Do you ever check to see if I'm online? I'm curious if you miss me. Hah, my curiousity could kill my entire species.

[antinko]

You used your insecurities and turned them against me. You made me feel inadequate, like I was undeserving of you, like I was ugly, when it is in fact, the other way round.

 

The difference between you and I is that I know people can and do change, but you constantly claimed that they can't. I spent the best part of 7 months trying to help you help yourself out of your emotional hole, thinking it'd made us stronger, but all you did was turn that against me. You accused me of being too easy, a doormat.

 

Well, if that's what you think, you're undeserving of me and I'm glad you ended it. I am an honourable, respectful and loving man and I gave it all to you. I can't believe I let you make me think you had a point! I can't believe I apologised for essentially being a great boyfriend!

 

I wanted you to eventually realise this and regret your decision, but I know that's a waste of energy. I suspect that, at least on some level, you realise you're an unhappy person, but are, sadly, content remaining the way you are. Not changing.

 

The reason why I don't send this message to you is because I know it'd hurt and, for some reason, I still respect you. I respect your space and I sincerely hope you one day grow up and try and find proper happiness, not the illusion you insist on clenching onto.

 

I miss the you I fell in love with. I think she was beautiful and I think she is the person you want to be, but something within you suppresses her and insists on the sadness, the mask, the illusion of being happy when in fact you're not.

 

You break my heart by being so tragic, but now I must mend it. I won't speak to you again.

 

Farewell.

[proactivedreamer]

The pain is not as intense as it once was, but it is still very much there. I embrace it because it is all that I can do. I cannot revive the past. I cannot live it again, but I so deeply would like to. My memories of you, us, are so sweet, but cause me to feel great pain and worry about the future. I am full of "what ifs" and imaginings. I still cry about it. So many days and months later, and it is still there, like an inextinguishable fire. It consumes everything;it consumes me. I think about Europe. I think about travel. I think about the passion that led me to you. I think about our rendezvous in Australia. I think about all of these things, and I feel great grief to see it pass into the shadows of time and space. You do not know how this has all made me suffer. Even now,trying to make decisions about the future, I feel afraid and I cannot forget you. I just want something else to occupy my thoughts but you invade them so often. We are not even friends. You are so far, so intangible, and when I think of how absolute it all feels I just...nothing inspires me. Everything is the same. I am not over you. I just want to see you once more but I know that won't be soon. Hope you have a great Birthday weekend...bisous.

[UpsideDownSmile]

To My Love

 

I do still love you and I miss you so very much.

 

UpsideDownSmile

 

[TLite]

C, dammit, why are you not texting or calling me anymore?

How could you just totally forget about me within 2 weeks time??

We had such good times together, we're both hot, and we have so much in common, even our personalities...

 

but thats ok, partly my heart tells me that YOU WILL contact me again, i just need to be patient and go NC all on your ass until you contact me first (but when will that be???)

 

i wonder if you're with another girl right now....

 

well goodnite...i miss you, our lovin, and our laughin....hopin you do too....I'll hit you up tomorrow, ok? goodnite

[moontiger]

You wanted us to get this apartment. I didn't. You said not to worry at all. That you were completely committed to me and we'd marry soon and it was just a question of planning a wedding and you'd be there forever.

 

Now I'm stuck in our apartment, because it's another two months before we can break the lease. It's full of memories of us, like a graveyard. I'm there alone. The clock ticks. Your TV is still here and you aren't coming to get it. You've gone away. You went back to where you came from.

 

I look at the door and wait for the lock to turn. I close my eyes and see the ghost of you. I have a conversation with you in my head, looking into your eyes. You tell me it will be all right. I see you in my mind and in flashes I see random things: how the skin on your neck was sunburned red and you had a small mole there. How your jaw was square and you had a little double chin. How you had hair on your toes and how your toenails were shaped like trapezoids. If I stop remembering I will lose you entirely. I want to but I don't.

 

I open my eyes. For a moment I think you are about to walk in as always, wearing your blue Polo, with your shoulders stooped as they always were. You always wore blue. You wore blue in all my pictures of you. That's all you are now; a picture.

 

You would never call me by my real name. You'd call me by a pet name. The first time you used my real name in years was when you dumped me. You said "we were" instead of "we are" and put us in the past. When you left I locked the door and smiled, trying to be brave. After you were out the door I went to the sink and dry heaved.

 

It's night; soon you'll be home.

 

Come home. Come home my honeybun. You used to beg me to call you that, until one day you didn't want to hear it any more.

 

Oh my God...you aren't coming home, are you? I'll never see you again.

 

I want to scream, but there's nobody to hear me. So I'm silent, and the clock ticks.

Edited August 4, 2011 by moontiger

[UpsideDownSmile]

It's been over a year and I still have no desire to date. I think I'm gun shy about relationships now. I look around me and see brokenness and shallowness, trickery and deceit. If a love like ours can't survive, then I don't want to try again. You may never acknowledge the depth of hurt you caused me but that does not diminish the fact that you did. Logically, I know that this is for the best. We were irrepairably broken. But that doesn't stop me from missing you.

[BlueberryCupcakes]

Thank you for breaking up with me right before my exams...

 

Telling me I'm the best girlfriend you've ever had the moment you break up with me.

 

How can I have been the best if we were together for two months only?

 

Oh did i sniff something? "god complex"... oh that's what it is. you don't want me knowing do you.

 

You were the best lover I've ever had... the best one. That's probably the only thing I will miss for a week or so, then I'll move on.

 

...so yes, be sad because I'll be moving on faster than you think.

[reimeivn]

its going to be your birthday soon. what can i say. i dont feel like wishing you a happy birthday. i know you will have a happy birthday, you are not with me anymore. you might even be with somebody else. actually i do know you are with somebody else.

 

i dont know what i would do that day. last year i tried my best but you never appreciated it. your chinese friends threw a party for you and i was like, out of the picture. what i bought what i gave you you didnt care. you didnt ever read the card i made. you threw it into a corner of your room.

 

i feel jealous because you are having all kind of people with you this birthday. my first bday with you you forgot. you told me to shut up. my second birthday with you bought an ugly cake to get it over with.

 

sometimes i just dont get it, why did i think you want to be with me? and why didnt you let me go?

[bikinibeach]

why do i still hate you?

 

i think i despise and am disgusted by you. i've always had this awful side to me that wants to provoke people who i don't approve of. not too fond of that, but are someone who brings that out in me.

 

i wonder how you would feel if you knew that i had very strong urges to fly at you in violence that last time we saw each other? you were trying so hard to seem calm and unaffected... you need a slap upside the head and i was so just about to do it.

 

i feel ill when i think of that time we were arguing and you began to manically stuff your mouth with blueberries, chewing rapidly between words, shovelling, swallowing.. i slapped the bowl out of your hands and yelled will you STOP EATING???

 

it was a disturbing sight.

 

i suppose what bothered me about you the most was that i wanted to help you. i thought that i could.

 

in you, i saw the person that i could have become if i had not been as strong as i was when i endured the same trials as you.

 

if you had leant on me, i wouldn't have let you fall.

 

i feel in my heart that you are miserable. even i were to see you masquerading bravado and trying to prove otherwise, we are connected in some messed up way and i know that you are hurting right now. a lot.

 

today, i was thinking it might be an interesting little exercise to draw up a list of your lies. i should be writing a resume instead. ugh.

 

i wonder if i am sabotaging myself on some level so that im forced to leave this place like i had planned and desired for so long?

 

i still want to but i feel now like im on the brink of something.

 

god those breadcrumbs are hard to control. i am curious to know about you. ironic because i also know that i am highly unlikely to find anything changed ina significant way.

 

i think you might have found this site.

 

i don't care. about anything that you think or do. i realized today that if i saw you out somewhere, alone or with someone, i wouldn't care that much. i would know that they had not even a fifth of the command my presence had over your being.

 

you, and the life that you live are both jokes.

[radiodarcy]

you're such a selfish prick.