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polywog

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I just want to feel normal again. But that would mean erasing memories of you; only then would my heart be untormented.

 

To love someone so deeply, and profoundly, is an incredibly rare thing. I may still be young, but I know my heart is mature like my mind. I could never once stop displaying great shows of affection to you: hiding roses in your bed, taking you for a studio photoshoot for valentine's day, and surprising you by taking you to see one of your favourite bands for your birthday are just some of the things I did for you, among other little things which equally proved my emotions. I'm not someone who only understood that they took their love for granted when the other breaks up with them. I knew all through our relationship how special it was, and how precious a love like ours was. Which makes it more unbearable; if I wasn't good enough for you at my best, then what else could I have offered?

 

And now, after having forgiven you for what you did, and feeling sincerely better about it all for doing so, I told you I would be initiating no contact. You hated this - you cried your eyes out. After all, how could anyone who had been the light of each other's lives simply disappear? It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. To willingly detach myself from the love of my life. I told you I couldn't be a part of your life for the time being, and vice versa. We gazed into each other's eyes, wordlessly, for what seemed hours. I told you I'd never forget that moment for as long as I live, and I'm still sure of that.

 

When you walked away from the car, that long walk back to your house at the end of your road, it was the longest thirty or so seconds I've ever known. Then when you finally disappeared down your drive behind the tree, I would be forgiven if I said my heart felt like it literally imploded. That was true pain. The sort of desolate pain that I'd probably only be able to feel more of if you had actually died.

 

I guess what hurts me the most is still the way you went about things. But that was a different you; when you said that person is never coming back, in your wonderfully honest letter, I believed you and still do. It's still eating me up inside: but I know my love for you is so great, it can overcome any obstacle.

 

I hate thinking about instances, years down the line, when we will meet again. I hate thinking about how we both will have changed, and just exchange brief niceties about each other's lives. I will never be able to let my feelings for you devolve to that state: your heart and my heart are forever entwined, just like you said at the end, and I will never be able to forget or dismiss my feelings.

 

When we arranged to meet in our special place at our special time, in winter a few months from now, I felt that it was the right thing to do. And I still feel it would be: but only if I am feeling over you by then (though I can never be truly 'over' you, if you understand). I wish to see you more than anything, baby. But I know in this state, I can't or I will bring myself more heartache and stall the healing process brought on by time.

 

Time, the great destroyer: time goes on, but the human mind is infinite. Therefore, my love for you will endure. The corona around the edges, the sparkle, will diminish - but the core will remain undimmed. It'll burn just as brightly for you as it always has done, count on that for sure. That's what you have with me. Something that can last forever. Whether I'll want you back, if you ever decide to come back, is another question. How could I trust you again? I know that I would with time, because of how strongly I feel for you. If reconciliation ever happens, I know that everything that happened will make our relationship stronger and more important. That's what real love does: it gets through awful situations.

 

But I'm not going to waste my time entertaining the notion of you coming back, as much as I want that to happen. You say you are adamant in your decision: think back five or six months. You were adamant that you would always be with me. Your heart is fickle at this time: I hope it matures, and you finally truly understand how much I meant to you. I always think this line to myself when I get really down: 'it's not the end'. And I take comfort from that: not necessarily in the 'get back together' way, but I know that I will see you again. When I am ready.

 

I'll love you forever. But you already know that.

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I no longer feel the compulsion to flail at you wildly. In fact, I forgive you for just being you and I wish you well in life.

 

My door is always open to you, but I know you'll probably never come back out of pride or something. Anyway, no hard feelings.

 

I'm feeling somewhat better and am forgiving myself for 'fighting' for us when I knew deep down it wasn't going to work.

 

I'll smile if I see you around; I know you loved my smile.

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This is my first day, of not actually contacting you, I wonder when you will realise that you wont hear from me again? - not that I should care... I know I'll hear from you this weekend about material things, but I will NOT reply...I have to start this healing as soon as possible, and I know we could never go back to the way we were, you did too many destructive things, and I don't want to be your friend so the best thing is to have no contact with you whatsoever, it's the only way I'm ever going to feel better. I can't wait until I forget all about you...

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singsparkles

Hey...its me...the best thing that ever happened to you that you decided to let go because in the moment you didn't want me around. one day you are going to feel it like I do now, and don't come running back to me when you realize everything you had in the palm of your hands. You used me, abused me, and only wanted me on your time when it was right for you, yet I stuck around waiting for you to change and loved you despite all of your flaws. You never deserved me or anything I ever did for you.

 

Guys like you will never change. You don't know how to love anyone, and the girl you're seeing now is going thru the same thing. I heard you both already broke up but yet she's becoming your puppet just like I did and still seeing you despite your break up. Sounds really familiar. I hope she wakes up soon and stops being naive like I was and leaves you before she is in too deep.

 

I honestly am not angry, I just feel bad for you now because you don't know who you are anymore and you don't know where you're going. You're so lost and it shows. You were a different man when you were with me, now you've changed completely.

 

It was painful to lose something I got so close to and put so much trust in just to be let down. But at the end of the day... I know I deserve better and I deserve to be happy.

 

I'm not going to spend every day of my life sad over you, like you think I'm going to do. I'm not going to shed another tear over you. It's not worth it. You can live your life and be happy with the bed you've made.

 

Things will only get better for me and I will only get stronger and more wiser from this. Your mistakes will only be your downfall and my saving grace. In the end, you did me a favor because you would have never treated me like I was supposed to be treated, you dont know how to treat a woman, and I'm glad I'm out now so I have a chance to experience truly being treated right someday instead of being caught in a relationship with a cold, bitter, angry man.

 

I hope you work out your problems and issues, you have a lot of potential but you aren't using it to your full advantage. You have let the world make you cold. And I'm sorry for that. I tried to help you and I tried to make you see the world in a more beautiful light and I tried to make you warm by showing you my warmth. But a person can only do so much. You need to do for you.

 

As of now, I am moving on and am not going to contact you anymore. You can live with your mistake, but it's not going to be a bother to me anymore. I have better things to worry about. Wish you the best!

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It's not even just wanting to talk to you anymore, it's craving.

 

I want to hear you say the sweet things you used to say to me. Say them again, so that this time, I can show all the appreciation I wish I had then.

 

I want to hear you speak in those funny accents you used to make me laugh. I can still hear it in my mind, but it just isn't the same.

 

I want to wake up next to you, and see you smile at me and put your arm around me.

 

I crave it. But for my own sanity, I need to stay away from you now. I can't deal with any more pain than what I'm already feeling.

 

Still - I love you. I wish I could say that I didn't, but I love you with all my heart.

 

 

That's all.

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it's hard to believe i lost it earlier this week and actually tried to contact you. i had been so good with NC for 5.5 months. but i guess it happens.

 

thank goodness you weren't online. i still fell back to the crazy person i remember all too well and started the crazy speculation as to why you weren't online. did you delete me? are you taking a vacation with your new flame?

 

thank goodness i came to my senses and was able to slip back into i don't give a f**k mode. if you deleted me you deleted me. if you're with someone else, you're with someone else.

 

it doesn't matter. there's no point in analyzing or obsessing over it. what's done is done as you always liked to tell me. ugh! you and your platitudes. that's definitely something i don't miss. i also don't miss your lies of omission; your ambiguity; your deflection; you're putting me down; or - - um remind me again what is it that i do miss???

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What I don't get is that what we had in the beginning was still there, we'd got complacent but it hadn't gone away, and I really don't understand why you just gave up? I really want to ask you this! But I know I can't because you've made up your mind and any answer you gave me would hurt.

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I miss you so much and our life we had. I want to talk and I want us to reconcile. I wish you felt the same way. No matter what happens I will always love you, I wish you felt the same and could give us a chance. xxxxx

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I am OK. Getting out there, doing my own thing.

 

Receiving cutesy emails from people of the opposite sex might be enough to get you through the day, but your moments of openness and genuineness and all those things I used to love about you are so few and far between that your emails are pointless to me and achieve nothing but make me mourn the person I thought I knew.

 

We can't be friends. You are so immature and naive and selfish that you make me feel like friendship is some sort of scoreboard, and I'm a tiny bit above [shallow, boring friend you'd flirt with when I was busy], and way way way below [the girl you kissed and then broke up with me] and [guy at work you want to be bffs with but he isn't all that interested in you]. That is not me being crazy (as hard as you'll convince yourself it's just more to dislike about me) because no one else in the world makes me feel this way.

 

You still haven't really given me a coherent explanation of what happened, and you ****ing lied to my face. Anyway, actions speak louder than words and the fact that [annoying selfish bitch you kissed] knew our relationship was over before I did really says it all. I hope that one day it won't hurt any more because I'll have moved on, but I don't see how being in contact with you can do anything but slow down that process.

 

I'm not saying I was ****ing perfect because I wasn't, I have my own problems I need to face. But I will learn from this and I hope one day I get the chance to show someone everything I've learnt and to grow as a person rather than just be criticised and blamed and have them love me for who I am and actually make me feel like I'm special to them, not just a compromise for whom the scales may tip.

 

I'm only sending this because I think being honest and upfront is the right thing to do, despite the fact you couldn't show me the same courtesy.

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I've been pretty angry lately. Mainly because you're a manipulative, nasty, self-pitying cunt. I hope you die.

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If only you could see me now!!! :D

 

I am the man I used to be, you destroyed me...

 

Living and loving life without you in it :D

 

GO ME!!!!

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Dear A. I wish you happiness, and by that I mean that I hope you find someone who you fall deeply in love with and I hope she's a complete bish to you. I hope she cheats repeatedly. I hope she leaves you for someone else. The best thing you ever did for me was leave. In case your friends haven't told you yet, they don't even like you. They dread hanging out with you. I'm glad that the girl you left me for, left you. Aren't you glad I befriended her in order to tell her that you tried to propose to me while you were together? Oh and she really loved the fact that the "promise ring" you gave her, was actually suppose to be my engagement ring. I hope it didn't cost too much considering she flushed it down the toilet. The only thing that could make it better was if she broke up with you on your anniversary too, too bad it couldn't have been only a couple days away from your birthday too. Man that would have really been amazing, right? Hm let's see. It's also really good to hear that you lost your scholarship and recently went to jail for a DUI. Life's been pretty great without me hasn't it? Good too hear! Oh and in case you haven't gotten the point yet.. you text me almost everyday without a reply. Please get a life and leave me the hell alone.

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SCG_Sasa1111

I hope I never run into you again, I would love to completley erase those 4.5 years from my life because I really got nothing out of it in return when you did what you did. I hope you regret the day you left me for someone else and when that time comes you will truly feel what its like to be left alone and have nothing.

 

Here i am 9 months later..still going strong, working out everyday...imm not the same person that you remeber since we were 15 years old. I am completley different now and I needed this reality check to realize many things in life and that's you ain't worth a damn penny to me. you don't deserve anything from me and never will.

 

you weren't able to **** my life up. Ye i feel lonely, ye i dont have someone liek you do. but at least i have a heart and thats something you can never say you do after what you did to me. go F*ck urself and your new boy toy.

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i heard somebody saying that people do part on good terms and wish each other the best and i feel like I am not a good person I dont wish you the best. You know when we were still together you treated me badly, and when we broke up you cornered me and you did it in the meanest way possible. Overall, you just thought for yourself. So I am doing the same thing I am thinking about myself. It would be fair now isnt it because you do that all the time when I was putting you first.

 

She also said that when you know the person is not the right one you will do that. I think I was not wise at the time, I thought you were good for me. Good for me now I dotn fele that way again.

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Queen of Hearts 10

I can't let go of you ! Why did you choose her over me ! Why did you come back this week to tear me up and destroy me once again ! When we went to lunch and you told me you have a new girlfriend and all about her I had to leave the table because I thought I was going to die right there !

 

why did you take me to bed after we left the restaurant if you think the new girlfriend is so great ! You will take and be selfish more and more ! I took it as

you might change your mind. You thought I was beautiful and you

 

wanted to be with me and will not go to her.

 

She doesn't know you did that ! If i knew where she was I would go tell her !

You told me you don't even want to take on her kids ! What the he** are you doing to everyone !! Selfish man ! I hate you !

 

God help get me through this I have to start classes and they are going to boot camp me ! I work 12 hour night shifts how can I keep it together !

 

I have sent 23 Text messages I know he does not read or care about I'm sure he hit the delete button and did not read them ! he said he would change his phone number, but didn't maybe it takes a few days it is Cricket.

 

I need my peace and to quit acting crazy ! I love you and wish we could still be married ! I Love U forever !! A broken Queen and Kingdom

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It still hurts, but contacting you wont help at all, it's the 4th day so I can be proud of that?

 

I want to ask you why you had to say that getting married was a mistake? Even if you feel like that now, did you have to take away all time that we were together, make it out like it was all bad? Are you so cruel because you're stupid, or mean, or messed up?

 

I hate you.

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stronganyway

THANK YOU!

to him: you are self centered, immature and callous. You do not know what it means to be a friend, you do not know what it means to love. You told me time and time again HOW special I was, HOWW much you loved me, more than anyone in the world, how amazng I was, and on and on and on. How could you just go and f another woman.......for a YEAR??? and tell me right before you MOVE OUT OF THE STATE?????

I am so angry at you, I don't know what to do with it. And I thought you were my best friend....for 5 years!!! Oh my G-d, I hate being so so so mad, so hurt and still missing you so much. its making me crazy. and even though you dont call or text, and even though I wouldn't reply, I WANT YOU TO. WHY? Because I am a codependent that's why. Love is when you hold the others well being just an eyelash's length below your own. You didn't give a * about my heart, my well being. You just did whatever you did to please yourself - it is disguisting. Why do people feel they can play with other people's hearts like this? I hate what you did, I hate how you did it, I hate how you are handleing it. I hate How much love I gave you for all those years. YOU ARE A COWARD. YOU ARE SO SELFISH ITS DISGUSTING.YOU ARE AN EGOCENTRIC IDIOT. I HOPE YOU GET YOUR KARMIC PAYBACK SOON.

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I miss you so much... I feel pathetic feeling that way because of how you deceived me, cheated on me and when times got tough you take off without even talking to me about your problems. you told me you were a communicator, that I deserve to know everything in your past and present, that you have no reason to lie to me. yet, it was all bs, you knew you were lying everytime you said those things to me. I deserve better, yet I can't help but to think of all the things I enjoyed doing with you and all the things we had planned to do together. and now you'll probably do those things with this other guy... and still, I miss you. it hurts just writing this, it hurts so much experiencing the things i've been doing with you not by my side. I wanted things to work out with you so much, I was always proud to have you, god how could you keep deceiving me for 3 1/2 years? I can't wait to find someone else, someone who I deserve or better. I always told you I didn't deserve you, and you always told me you didn't deserve me... well you are right.

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Why does she call you for help ?

 

Who knows, I don't want to talk too her and I see no point to do so. Next month is my birthday she had planned to come to my house here to visit me for it as a surprise. I could not figure out what the heck would she want to fly over 1,400 miles to hang out with me on that date. I don't even want her to do so. She's not going too do it now after what happen on her birthday. I am not sorry for what I did to her on that date. She had open her mouth and told everyone what was going on with us. I told her that's private and you don't need to tell everyone and the old ex who's now her best friend. That was the last straw. I told her I will not attend that dinner birthday and having to deal with him and you all night.

 

So now she calls me up and ask me about things she has no clue about. Or she text me to death. She needs to let go of me..

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I love you a lot still. Talking over e-mail stirred up a lot of emotions. I just finished checking my e-mail to see if you contacted me. It was empty.

 

We said our goodbyes and I bet you're back on track with the person you are with now. It's somewhat hard to imagine I ever cross your mind, even though you are in mine for most part of the day.

 

It's hard to admit but I'll always love you. I wish we hadn't ended and could have share more moments together. I miss what we had.

 

:(

 

Hope I feel decent in the morning.

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