CopingGal Posted September 8, 2011 Share Posted September 8, 2011 I contacted you today. I felt that I had too....it just gets too hard...too much emotional building up. I had to release it to you. I love you. I hate you. I'm glad you're gone. I miss you terribly. Sometimes I feel that I'm sooooo glad you are out of my life. Sometimes I feel I can't make it without you. I'm just spent, I guess. I'm so tired of being in pain while you came out of this without a scratch on you. Life's not fair. Link to post Share on other sites
Surfer Girl Posted September 8, 2011 Share Posted September 8, 2011 The hope has diminished and makes me sad...I have never wanted you like I want you now...After 6 months NC and seeing you for the first time has brought a flood of memories and a life I haved missed without you in it... Maybe in time it will be different.... Link to post Share on other sites
proactivedreamer Posted September 8, 2011 Share Posted September 8, 2011 For a while, whilst in the shower, I cried to Norah Jones's "You've Ruined Me." I am still hurting 7 months later. I am not sure what it is that I am feeling; I just feel awful about seeing you fade from my life. Link to post Share on other sites
chloe56 Posted September 8, 2011 Share Posted September 8, 2011 Hey, are you okay? Do you need any help? Just wondering as I got DVLA letters sending you a fine for not insuring the bike and not renewing the tax. Oh, and you are quite late with your tax payments too. It would be heartbreaking if you are struggling, especially if you feel that you cannot come to me. Don't know why I am so worried about you now. Link to post Share on other sites
collegeguy_24 Posted September 8, 2011 Share Posted September 8, 2011 Dear Jen, I heard you have a new man, a new one since the guy you left me for and you broke up. This new man you took to meet your family, your father and other relatives. I remember when your father was coming up to Bozeman for the express purpose of meeting me, saying how you could say nothing but great things about me, how you looked forward to a long term future. You left me a week before he even arrived. I still am not over you, and I am beginning to understand why. I want the truth. Since day 1 when we met you have lied to me. Our entire relationship you lied to me. Did you ever tell me the truth? Did you ever love me? Its at the point where even my Girlfriend thinks the only one who can heal me is you. The only way to heal is for you to be truthful for once. You have given me so many different reasons as to why you left, which is the truth? What did I do to deserve all this? You know what my biggest regret is? My biggest regret is taking you back after the July 4th weekend break we had. I never should have forgiven you so easily. I should have made you earned it, if not outright say no. Because it was only after that event, that you did your best to make me fall in love with you, where all I heard from you was how much you love me, how sorry you are, how you want a long term future together, how you want to prove that you love me. It was after all that that I knew you were the one. THe one woman I wanted to marry, the one woman I wanted to share my life with. And how do you repay me? You leave me! You can't even tell me the truth as to why you left! Why? After all the pain, all the damage, all the suffering, I have earned and deserve that much, I deserve the truth. You can't even give me that. Is your new guy really so special? What does he know of you? How many lies have you already told him? Why couldn't it have been me? Why did you treat me like this? Answer me god dammit! Link to post Share on other sites
dicky_fish Posted September 9, 2011 Share Posted September 9, 2011 God I wish you were here! This hotel is just the kind we used to love coming to, nice big bed with a mirror in front of it. It tore another hole through my heart walking through Bristol today. Seeing everything from our past. I wish I could hop on that train to Bath tomorrow and things be as they used to be. I love you Fiona xxx Link to post Share on other sites
LuluinAZ Posted September 9, 2011 Share Posted September 9, 2011 Dear S, Life was so sweet and our timing was just not good. When you were ready to love me, I was still grieving. Now that I'm ready, you have someone else. But do you love her? You said I was the love of your life. Yes, I practically begged you and even offered you an engagement ring to prove I mean it. You let me do that for 2 months before you shut me down with "I am in a relationship, if we meet it will be just as friends, period". You know what? This actually makes it easier for me. I've had chances, passed them by or threw them away because I was waiting for you. I hope you struggle with your decision and I hope I will be as happy as you seem to be if you ever change your mind. Did it feel good to see me throwing myself at you and throwing away my dignity? It must be great to have two women doing it at the same time. I wish you had stopped me, but that's life. When you are bored out of your mind with her, don't call me. C Link to post Share on other sites
TragicAlliance Posted September 9, 2011 Share Posted September 9, 2011 I'm glad I expected that this would happen. I do feel a slight bit betrayed, but it's basically a repeat of April, huh? Regardless of how I feel, I hope you have a good time on the next part of your trip. Don't worry about trying to come home early for me... kinda pointless to try that trick now, y'know? Monday I start my first job, and Tuesday my second job will call me and tell me when to come in. My first job works me in the mornings and the second job works me in the evenings. Do you know what this means? I won't have much time to be sitting here waiting on you. And better still, how will you handle me being gone for a change? You got spoiled on me being here, even in our split... you're in for a rude awakening when I'm not here that much anymore. I'm also going to rejoin my old gym. I'm going to do that not only to better myself, but to show you that I can be happy without you since you showed you can be happy without me. The less time I have to sit around and wait for you, the better. I'm tired of having these nightmares that I know are about you. About the man who gets me to trust him and then he leads me off to the middle of nowhere and literally stabs me in the back... A dream so vivid and real to me that I've woken up feeling a horrid pain in my spine. You were the reason I ended up in the hospital for a week. You have literally scarred me for the rest of my life - no, you never laid a hand on me because we were a LDR nor do I think you'd ever touch me like that if you could, but I wear the scar of your behavior on my body. I nearly ended up in the grave because of you. I now have repeating dreams and nightmares. You cause me stress knowing that if I get too stressed I could wind right back up in the hospital. And despite all that, you had such a strong control over me. I can't let you do that to me any longer, no matter how much I love and care about you. I wanted to be here for you but you are never here for me to be able to do that. I'm so afraid of winding up dead because of you. I don't want you to have that on your hands, because I know deep down you are a caring person. I guess we were just never meant to be. I have to do these things so I can get over you. I would tell you to find some way to get over me, but I think you've already done that. I DO love you. Always will. But sometimes love just isn't enough. Link to post Share on other sites
Buttercup84 Posted September 9, 2011 Share Posted September 9, 2011 I miss you so much . I still feel so deeply connected to you . You are probably with someone else right now . Holding her , kidding her and making love . Wanting to spend time with her and loving her . While later you didn't even want to spend time with me or touch me . Did I revolt you ? I just want you back . I was just a girl to you . Link to post Share on other sites
Arikel Posted September 10, 2011 Share Posted September 10, 2011 I hate you. I hate you for the pain you've caused me, and for this depression you've put me in. Yeah I blame you for it. I promised myself never to be like this again, and you've pushed be back into the hole. Now I have to drag myself out again. Well, I've done it before and I'll do it again. I hate you for making me lost my faith in people, for making me tired of it all. Link to post Share on other sites
1Dunno Posted September 10, 2011 Share Posted September 10, 2011 GET ****ED! That is all Link to post Share on other sites
Steven T Posted September 10, 2011 Share Posted September 10, 2011 Remember when you used to pick me up from work every Saturday and go back to your house to cuddle up in your bed and watch TV... Good times. Link to post Share on other sites
TragicAlliance Posted September 10, 2011 Share Posted September 10, 2011 Monday's coming rapidly - are YOU ready for it? Because I sure as hell am. Go ahead, keep flaunting your happiness in my face... keep on, you're only digging your grave deeper. Just you wait until YOU'RE the one on the receiving end of this. That is, even if you still give a damn. Your happy little posts suggest you've already gotten over me. Stop telling me that you want us to work it out - you make NO moves towards making even a microscopic effort at recovery. Instead you go push your happiness in my face, and I'm not swallowing it anymore. I have become obsessed with karma finally coming to get you, and only when it gets you will I begin to be happy again. You've killed my feelings for the very last time. So go on and be happy without me, pretty soon I'll be happy without you. Then what, huh? Who're you going to target to make miserable then? Wish I could be a fly on the wall when it hits you, because I know you'll never let me see it with my own eyes. I figure by the end of today, you'll be off my Facebook and the ties that bind us will forever be cut. Screw you and your flaunting... I simply can't wait for karma to finally come for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Steven T Posted September 10, 2011 Share Posted September 10, 2011 I hate you so much. Remember when I said I can do better? Well I sure as hell can. You dont deserve me. You mean nothing to me now. I am no longer wasting thoughts on you because you are not worth my time. Man that felt good to write! Link to post Share on other sites
TragicAlliance Posted September 10, 2011 Share Posted September 10, 2011 Just as I predicted, you are no longer on my Facebook. I couldn't take it seeing that you dared to post on Facebook yet not even give me the time of day. You and your stupid flaunting - can't flaunt it now. Now what? I hate you. I've just finally accepted that earlier today, and I let you know about my discovery. That was the ONLY reason you bothered saying anything to me, and I know that now. If I'd hadn't bothered you wouldn't have bothered with me. Go be neglectful to someone else... you aren't treating me like crap anymore. I have to put up with my feelings tomorrow, but then Monday things will begin to look up for me. And guess what? You don't get to see it. I'm going to be happy and I'm going to learn how to fly... and you're not allowed to see any of it. I'm hoping it won't be too late when you finally realize you need me... oh wait. It IS a little too late, now isn't it? You had me and you lost me... and you don't deserve to have me back. I hate you so much. I'll never be able to forget you thanks to the scar. But with time it will fade, as will our memories. Link to post Share on other sites
Surfer Girl Posted September 11, 2011 Share Posted September 11, 2011 Now you know I will never contact you again... I will get my life back... some days will be better than others.... today not so good....but I know down the road even if I don't find someone else I will continue to grieve let it out of my system and then maybe think about dating.... You....already in another relationship Will it be a rebound?.. Once you are out of my heart I look forward to the better days.... Link to post Share on other sites
RodG Posted September 11, 2011 Share Posted September 11, 2011 You suckkkkk. If the shoe fits, wear it. Beyotch. Link to post Share on other sites
LuluinAZ Posted September 11, 2011 Share Posted September 11, 2011 S, I don't really blame you at all. You worked so hard to be there for me, to drive all those miles, you did everything right. You were kind and gentle and loving. You were wonderful to me. And you are also right that I threw you away too many times. I didn't throw you away for anyone else, though... I did, in a way, for my daughter. Because of what happened to her (well, us) she had to come first, you know and respect that. With her away now, I have all this time and love and funny things to say and ways to entertain you, but you're gone. You are far away and in a relationship and I don't blame you one bit. It's my loss. I feel this terrible hurt and pain, just like you must have felt when I couldn't be with you. I wish I had been ready to love you, but I was healing and my first responsibility was not to myself, it was to LS, who is all launched, happy and far away in college. S, please forgive me. I am in such despair that it has all ended up like this. I'd never been loved like you loved me and maybe I felt undeserving and sabotaged it... but I see who you are and I remember all of our good times. If it weren't for you, I wouldn't have healed, you healed me with your goopy, goopy love. I am eternally grateful. I'm just not really sure I can go on. I think I need help and I blew my chances for you to be my friend... our timing was just so bad. I'm sorry. I love you so much. I always will. Lulu Link to post Share on other sites
LuluinAZ Posted September 11, 2011 Share Posted September 11, 2011 After another 3 days of NC, you casually text me "Who the f*** will go to Qatar for the World Cup?!" Wait. Did I miss something? Are we actually buddy-buddy instead of dumper-dumpee? Because last I checked, I was making progress toward forgetting you. And you? You were "not trustworthy" a.k.a. a cheater not ready to stop. I'll tell you who will not be going to Qatar--or anywhere else for that matter--us! Jacka$$. I love this. It's the first thing that has made me laugh and not want to throw rocks at myself in days. Hilarious and thank you.... but sorry for your pain. Hope you are feeling better by now. Link to post Share on other sites
Buttercup84 Posted September 11, 2011 Share Posted September 11, 2011 I can't believe I was so stupid to email you about selling your iphone on ebay. I am such a stalker. I just saw a message we sent to eachother on there and wanted to delete it. I feel like such a dick for sending you that message.Now you are not replying. I now look like a pyscho ex.Great. Today has been so hard because I miss you so much.But I am so confused because you also treated me like ****. I just want this pain to end before I ruin my life. I wish I kept to nc from the start. I love you so much and can't believe I will never see you again. I miss you so much. Link to post Share on other sites
LDRrookie Posted September 11, 2011 Share Posted September 11, 2011 Man am I glad I came across this thread. Here goes DW, I am sorry for not respecting your wishes when you asked for one or two days to think about "things." But deep down inside I am so angry with you.I am not even sure what "things" you need to think about. I was an emotional wreck and said things I definitely did not mean. How could you not see that? I know I told you that we could just break up because I can't do this to myself. Fine, I was wrong for saying something so regrettable in the heat of the moment. But how could you attempt to cancel my trip reservations without talking to me??? I had to find out by an email from travelocity?! Have you lost your frekin mind? I know you aren't that malicious... or are you. Some of this IS my fault but damn! Were you ever going to talk to me; ARE you ever going to talk to me again? I feel like such a stalker. All this and I still want to make it work with you. Can we just work on our conflict resolution skills, dude? I want to have to life we talked about some many times before. Link to post Share on other sites
TragicAlliance Posted September 11, 2011 Share Posted September 11, 2011 I hate you for what you've done to me - why am I sitting here wondering if I'm even crossing your mind? Why am I sitting here wishing I could be a fly on your wall to see just how you truly feel about me and about us? It's almost been an entire day since I last heard anything from you, but I'm gonna be tough and maintain NC. If I'm not worth you looking for me, then it's time for me to move on. I hate this, going from periods of feeling like I can handle this to crashing into these states of "I wonder if he even cares" or "What's he doing now." I know I shouldn't be dwelling... I'm seriously praying that when I start work tomorrow, I won't feel like this much anymore. Damnit, it's like I can't live with you and I can't live without you. I feel stuck and trapped, and I've never enjoyed that feeling... Part of me wishes you'd chase me down and beg and let me see you hurt... but I know you'd never sink so low. I was never allowed inside, even when we were together... why should I expect that in our death, you'd change? I sincerely hope that by the time you realize you need me, you'll not have waited too long. I also hope that when you realize you don't need me, I can get over feeling completely worthless. I hate these bipolar feelings, and wish I could be like you and not care. Link to post Share on other sites
visualbasicide Posted September 11, 2011 Share Posted September 11, 2011 The only contact my ex needs is with a lightening bolt. Link to post Share on other sites
Buttercup84 Posted September 11, 2011 Share Posted September 11, 2011 The only contact my ex needs is with a lightening bolt. Oh that would make me feel much better if that happend to mine Link to post Share on other sites
visualbasicide Posted September 11, 2011 Share Posted September 11, 2011 Oh that would make me feel much better if that happend to mine Don't encourage me, science is dangerous enough without people like me tinkering with it. Link to post Share on other sites
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