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polywog

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Part of me is finding it so hard no to text you - I still love you, even tho you told me last week you only cared about me now.

 

But part of me is so angry. You lied to me. You said you'd do anything for me not to leave. I only asked you to tell me when you were with her, nothing else - I could have asked you not to see her ever again, I could have grilled you about what you were doing or who else was there, but I didn't. But even that one was 'too difficult' for you.

 

Perhaps you need to take a long hard honest look at how you really view your relationship with her. I can handle the fact you slept with her years ago. I can handle the fact she's still very much in your life. But I can't handle the fact you lied about it, and when I found out, told me it wasn't an issue. You might claim you don't see her very often, but thats only through circumstance. You saw her twice in the 2 weeks before you broke up with me :(

 

At the end of the day, you were willing put your 'friendship' with her above our relationship. I asked you to tell her I knew about her, that it'd make me feel better; it took you a month, because you didn't want to upset her. So at the end of the day, you'd rather me be unhappy for a month than upset your friend? Part of me hates you for it, because now I'm wondering if you've had a thing for her still all this time.

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Im angry, not angry with you anymore im angry at myself, angry for letting you lead me on AGAIN for another 2 month. Angry that i let you stress me out and bring me down so much that im stuck in this depression again. Angry because i dont want you i just dont want you to not want me, im not here anymore because i love you im here because i dont know how you got to do what you did and get away with it, tell everyone your side of the story so you look okay while they think im the monster, was i the one that cheated ? I dont think i was, how did you manage to twist that one to make you look like the victim?.

 

Its true i dont love you, im disgusted with myself, and when i hear your voice i feel myself getting angry and i just want to scream at you, but theres no point, how i feel and what ive got to say will mean nothing to you. Youll just tell me youll still be my friend, like your doing me a favour, i dont need your pitty, if anyone should get pitty its you, for thinking the whole world evolves around you.

 

I dont hate you and i dont love you, i just dont care its as simple as that, only while your moving on AGAIN for the second time, dumped me to the curb AGAIN i have to pick myself up and work through it again, i have to start no contact again for the second time.

 

Please just dont talk to me again, i dont regret meeting you i just regret been foolish enough to believe everything you said to me before and after the break up, mind games arnt fun, one day you might learn that.

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Bruised Not Broken

You won't find someone to love you like I did....but good luck trying. The grass isn't greener. The grass is only green when you water it and tend to it. But when you walk all over it and throw your poisonous lies on it...it turns brown and ugly. You poisoned our lawn and you will do the same to the next. You are an attention whore that needs women to fall all over him to feel good about yourself. What you don't realize is that flirting and attention are very different from love and compassion. You will learn someday when you are lonely and the trailer park skanks you are banging aren't coddling you and your neediness, you will realize what you lost.

Edited by Bruised Not Broken
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Bruised Not Broken

Oh...and good luck explaining your Erectile Dysfunction issues to the new girls. I loved you and supported you through your issues and loved you despite of your f'd up penis issues and testosterone level of a 95 year old man. I loved you regardless....but start a relationship out with a 20 something girl looking to get laid with an inability to get or maintain an erection for more than 2 minutes and see how long she sticks around.

 

You are such a narcisistic selfish jackass...if you were like this as a baby, no wonder your mother left you.

Edited by Bruised Not Broken
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Bruised Not Broken

I'm not sure why today is so hard. I have picked up my phone ten times to text him. Just say "hope you are feeling okay...hope you called the doctor" (he told me he was having a health issue that could be quite serious) But what's the point? I can't do this NC to make a point to him...I have to do it for myself to heal. I'm sitting at work with my heart pounding...my eyes sting from the tears behind them...and I ache.

 

I know it will heal...I know that rationally...but emotionally, I'm falling apart today. I don't want to go on without him...and then I remind myself what he did to me. And yet I still miss him and want to reach out. (even if I did...I blocked him so he couldn't respond to me if I texted - so then I just get no response and it is painful)

 

I don't know I can ever trust someone again. Not only did he lie and cheat...but then he broke my heart. I thought he was this upstanding straight shooter...and here he was a lying snake. I thought he loved me and wanted to have a future with me...and here he was just using me until the next shiny toy rolled into view. My heart aches today.

 

THIS SUCKS:(

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Dear J

 

I just feel so sad that you threw away all that we had. I feel like I got kicked out of our house and it was so traumatizing. That was my place too and now I am gone.

 

Now someone else is probuably sleeping in our bed and sharing all those things.It makes me sick.

 

We would have watched how I met your mother and glee together.But I remember how cold and mean you were to me towards the end and how crap I felt .I just didn't feel loved anymore and felt like I was chasing you the whole time.

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Bruised Not Broken

Saying you missed my Motherly attention made my heart ache. I want to be there to take care of you. I want so much to be the one that you turn to when you are sick or hurt or just need tlc. You miss it. You know you won't find it anywhere else...but you still want to be apart from me.

 

Well, I hurt, but you burned your bridge. Let the next warm body rub your back and temples when you are stressed....run to get you medicine and make you tea when you are sick...comfort you when you are sad. All while taking nothing in return but your love....well, at least what you pretended was love.

 

Why say that to me? To make me hurt more???? Are you sadistic??? You have just crushed me as a person...but I'm merely bruised not broken. I will heal...and I will be stronger because of it. I won't settle for anything less than I deserve anymore. I'm sorry I contacted you about my job. I shouldn't have. It was a moment of weakness. Next time I have a triumph, you wont' be the one I call. As I said...my life is looking up....even without you in it. Guess you weren't a necessity to me. I'm not sure I miss anything about you. I dont' miss your lies. I don't miss being anxious and feeling like I'm not good enough unless I'm giving you what you want. I dont' miss being made to feel like the other shoe is always going to drop. I miss an illusion of what I thought we had. But when I look at the reality of it. You were horrible for me. A drain on my heart soul and confidence. You were a rock around my ankle. I am free. I wish you well....but I am free.

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Dear N,

 

I tried to do everything right and believe me I DID do everything right through the whole relationship. We had a future together, a great one, that was going to be full of so much exploration and fun, but you turned your back on it. Yes, I know you got scared because it became serious and you are still young but for the love of god you didn't have to treat me like absolute garbage in the end. Actually ****ing accuse ME, the person that bent over backwards for you, the relationship, and our happiness is absolute ****ing horse ****! THEN you have the absolute ****ing lamest card up your sleeve and said there was "TOO MUCH HURT" when I should have been the one saying that, but you know what I sucked it up and wanted to work on things anyway. I was the one that was subjected to your childish name calling and outrageous accusations of calling me mentally and emotionally unstable, what the **** is up with that anyway?! I hope you are enjoying your new boyfriend rebound whatever crap he is that you lied to me about having. ENJOY.

 

This anger and hatred I have for you right now is killing me, I feel so miserable that I cannot try to form anything of a nice relationship with another special girl that actually makes me happy....thanks a whole ****ing lot.

 

Sincerely,

R

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As much as I want to hear your voice right now, I know it would probably be the worse thing for me. I know we could never be, yet some days I wish we were still together. I never use to run into your family and now it's a few times a week, it's getting annoying. Maybe they've told you about my new look and that'll make you want to see me, but I don't even know if I would want too... Sucks that I get so many looks from girls, yet I'm not even interested.

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I still miss you and hate myself for it . I am so confused by everything , I mean you treated me so nicely then turned into a jerk . You said I made you that way . I remember little things when you said you would be sad " for a while " if we broke up . You said I pressured you into saying you were still in love with me at the end . You are a coward . Bitching about me to your loser friends , signing up to a dating site . How dare you make me out to be this horrible person when you do **** like that ? I embarrassed you , I was never good enough . You are a abusive **** . I thought you were so perfect . Now I bet you're banging someone else , loving her . And you know what ? Thank **** I'm not with you anymore . I'm free now . Finally I can meet someone with balls and who respects me . Burn in hell , you have a good dose of karma heading your way .

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I don't understand. I want you back and I've sent you messages that state my love for you. Why do we even talk? Why are you talking to me still if you know my intentions. It doesn't seem like you want anything with me though. I don't know if I should stop contacting you. I feel too good after e-mailing with you. Then I realize you don't want me that way and it crashes me. I don't know what to do.

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We could have had something so amazing. I made mistakes and I am so sorry for the way I was at first.

 

But if you only sat down with me from time to time to talk about things , let me talk about the abortion . You just put yourself first , you forgot I was hurting too.

 

I feel so lonley and lost , and not having contact with me does not bother you at all. You do not miss me.

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I see your car too often. Maybe thats not yours, cause I never look to whos driving it, but the letters on plate are the same.

If I could ask one thing- I wish you would move to other place, city. Cause you know I dont have the resources to do it, I wish I had told you that, but you have... and if you moved, I would have more territory to socialize, meet new people, walk to places, this is what I need.

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I hate you, I hate you for making me feel like this, so you didn't want to be together anymore, you could have talked to me, you didn't have to treat me like you did? I sound like a child, but it is so unfair, you are such a coward, but I'm the one suffering. I hope you feel like this one day, so you can understand what a piece of s*it you are.

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I got your email today and am sorry to hear that your trip to Tasmania to visit the guy you met Playing World of Warcraft did not turn out as well as you'd hoped. Not your fault I suppose, I mean who could have known the mansion he was living actually belonged to his Grandmother, not him, and she was in the process of kicking him out. I'd love to give you the money to fly back, but I know how much you value your independence and freedom.

 

Speaking of money, my Columns I've been struggling to get published for the last five years have been picked up for syndication in 100 newspaper and five magazines, and a literary agent really likes the first chapter of my book. She thinks it has "Movie" written all over it, with George Clooney as the lead role.

 

She also says I appear to be in amazing shape, and asked me if I was free for lunch to discuss my workout routine and maybe work on another book about "Fitness tips for Survival after Divorce". I had to tell her that it I would have to share credit with a wonderful fitness instructor, a virtual amazon who wondered how a great guy like me was single. We've been living together for the last six months, on top of being lovely to look at she takes great delight in doing for me all I used to do for you, you know like make you coffee and breakfast in bed on the weekend so you could sleep in, give you back and foot rubs etc.

 

I'd like to write more, but I have a plane to catch. Since I won the 649 a week after our papers were final I decided to do all the traveling we had talked about doing when the kids were older (they send their love). I must admit I will be a little nostalgic barging down the Seine on that Gourmet barge tour without you that we had always dreamed about, but it's better that you followed your dream of a new love and independence.

 

I wish things could have turned out better for us. When I said those vows before God and family , "For Better and Worse and Richer and Poorer" I truly meant them. I wanted nothing more than to spend my life with you until "death do us part". As much as it hurt me when you left, your happiness was all I cared about and if I was not part of that I would have to let you follow your heart. I'd like to keep in touch, but we will be out of the country for at least six months, I'll post some updates on Facebook.

 

Signed

 

Xhusband

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1 month in the future.... this is how i hope i will feel if i speak to her...

 

Hello C...

 

How are you?

 

How was your last month working abroad?

 

Get lucky?

 

You found a new guy?

 

I knew you would regret finishing me, but you did me a favour because ive found someone who actually deserves me. I hope you find someone who treats you as good as i did,

 

Im glad things have turned out this way because i would have never forgiven you for treating me like a mug.

 

good luck finding the right guy! But please, dont make false promises to him. Its not fair. bye!

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Hello there,

 

it's been awhile since I've seen you. It's late in the evening and I'm thinking a lot about you. I got some chill music on and that always sets my daydreaming alight.

 

You're probably busy preparing for your new course. I hope you're enjoying it there. Did you make a lot of new friends? Maybe even someone you fancy ? Is she beautiful and smart like you've always wanted ? Is she more compatible that we used to be ? Does she make your heart race like crazy ?

 

I'm wondering if you've given up on 'us'. I would give a lot to just hold you in my arms again. For just a moment.

 

I'm doing fine by the way, i'm moving on with my life. Doing the things i like, working and enjoying life. But it's not like before.

 

I miss you loads.

 

I carry you in my heart, always.

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I think about you all day long, I don't know why you always do this to me. I don't know why you no longer want to be with me. I want to ask you why but I know that wont solve anything. It is just so hard for me to go from loving you to no contact and moving on so fast. I don't know how you do it so easily, I clearly didn't mean much to you, even after 5 years.

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It's quite crazy how we're talking again, I knew the day would come when we'd have to or at least feel the need to for our son's sake but I never thought it would be this soon but whatever has happened is in the past now and after these last few months of being dibilitated by labyrinthitis, I just want to start fresh now, the illness is almost at an end and I want a new healthy and happy beginning, I want to be peaceful and give love to all those around me in my life, I want us to be friends but not just for Lucas's sake, for the fact that we had a great friendship before this break up that I'd soon see start again rather than fade into the distance.

 

I feel I've grown up a lot over this last year, realised a few home truth's about myself and other people around me, really re-evaluated myself and the things I want out of life, looking back on the relationship there was some amazing moments and I'd never regret the life we created, it's 100% a worth while relationship just for him nevermind for the love we once shared and I want us to work hard together to raise him well and give him the great life he deserves even if that dosen't mean us living together and being together to do it, He will grow up with a happy childhood.

 

I've learned how to be happy and what not to do and what to do in my next relationship but if there isn't one then I'm happy either way and I never quite got that satisfaction before you came along and it's just an over all relief to finally be happy with myself and not care about what other people do or think, it feels great to finally be able to say that I'm happy on my own and could remain that way for the rest of my life.

 

Well here's to new beginnings and I hope this one will have a happy ending to it, much happier than the one I thought of last year :) life is a precious gift and just being here is a joy ^.^

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wow SimonSerenade

 

this note is for u. i havent been on here in quite awhile and just came back this week and was wondering about you and i am sitting here and poof your words here. i dont write on this. its for all of us to write to ex's on. but i want to say i am happy for you. the peace you sound like u have now. praise God. i am so glad to see this.

 

i am sad however that you have or was suffering with, labyrinthitis. that IS debilitating. i had that, and i suffer with dizziness today. if you ever need info...try the VEDA association. anyway God speed your healing with your inner ear. and glad for happier endings...and new beginnings. :). you deserve it simon!

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