Post here instead of contacting your ex!

[Bradly]

I don't know how to feel anymore either now.

 

I'm sorry for being mean to you. It was in the heat of the moment when I said the things that hurt you. It was at those times when I was done with us.

 

Let's just continue to be honest with each other.

 

I now accept that you don't have that loving feeling anymore.*

[Onemore]

Dear S -- Here it is, day 29 of no contact coming to a close. I've been doing really well the last couple days. I still don't get it. Everything was going so well between us. We'd laugh endlessly together, we'd talk for hours, we went on hikes and trips together, we had never hit it off with someone as we did each other. You told me I was the reason you were staying here. You told me I "saved you". You were open about your past and the bad decisions you've made...and instead of running away like every other guy would have I was fine with it because of how honest you were about it. You said you wanted to take all that past stuff and leave it in the past and start over. Everything was going so well. Unbelievably well. So well in fact I swore nobody should pinch me because I was afraid I would wake up and find it all a dream.

 

Then all of a sudden you lose feelings for me. You weren't sure what happened. You said that now you didn't want a relationship now. You didn't want a boyfriend. You said you wanted to figure things out. So I went along with it. Stupidly. We backed off and were more/less friends....until I found out that just weeks after you broke things off you were out picking up/chasing after other guys. Thanks a ****ing lot. You pull this ***** and then expect me to be ok with it?! Seriously? How do you think I am supposed to react??

 

One minute I feel like contacting you. The next minute I feel like telling you to go jump in the river (which is actually putting it mildly). There's times I don't know what to think. Even 29 days later I'm trying to sort it all out in my head and wondering what to do next. I keep falling back on not contacting you.

 

You probably don't realize this, but this is by far the worst breakup I've ever been through. Not just because of the circumstances behind it (or lack thereof), but the fact that we share the same, close mutual friends who go out together. Do you think this is fun for me? Really? This has affected our entire group as since I've gone no contact with you I have been more/less doing my own thing without anyone else from our group -- which you're well aware of since you're still hanging with them.

 

I don't know if I'd want you back or not. I don't know if I would even want to be friends with you in the future. I keep going back and forth in my head over how I want to see this end up and I just can't decide. I can sit down and put up a bunch of good arguments as to why we should still be in each others lives and I can also come up with a good list of reasons to tell you goodbye. I hate this. I really, really do. I wouldn't give this problem to anyone.

 

I only hope you know how much you hurt me and how much you've lost.

 

M

Edited February 29, 2012 by Onemore

[Heather2]

I had to see "him" after nc for 6 weeks(family crisis).. I found myself acting the exact same way as before ... intimidated and trying to win his favor...stupid .. he just attacked me and spit out vile crap and then ripped me up, the next day and threw me under the nearest bus....Im sure he thought I could hear his rantings but the crushing of my heart under the wheels of that bus blocked it out..... I have no Idea why I just didnt run away or just tell him off...obey or else is his motto .. and I never learn...

[robinatrix]

I can't believe I fell for you, hook line and sinker.

I TOLD myself this was wrong, I should stop, but I didn't, I did close to f**kin everything for you, and this is how you treat me.

You don't deserve me OR her in your life, you deserve to live the rest of your life ALONE.

I don't ever want to talk to you again, but I keep thinking of all we had, and that just makes it twice as bad. How DARE you mess around with me so now I only want to be with you...and nobody else yet.

Oh, and let's not forget all the crazy sh*t you've said about me, I'm a "fatty", "dumb high school girl", and "slut", and I still put up with all of that cause guess what, you're not the great guy you think you are, I'm just a freaking headcase who's way too desperate for her own good.

You only see me as a piece of meat to f**k around with, don't you, oh you don't know I could just as easily contact your GF now with the evidence I have and tell her you're a CHEATER.

I wish I had never met you, that I'm not such a f**king idiot, that I listened to my parents.

And I hope you never contact me again, though I know that's not bloody likely seeing as you're a manipulative, depraved asshat.

Have a nice one.

Edited February 29, 2012 by robinatrix

[The_Good_Me]

The_Good_Me, are you okay? There is so much more to life than this person. Don't do anything to harm yourself. There are lots of people who can support you here. PM me if you want to.

 

I care.

 

Thank you CopingGal. It's always nice when someone says they care :-) *hug*

[jus d'orange]

K,

 

I'm leaving my thinking of you here today. I need to go the rest of the day thinking only of my life now (the one you exited from so suddenly). I can't be consumed mentally by this forever. Que sera sera.

 

It's all still so wrong feeling.

 

jus d'orange

 

PS I remember, when you were at work once, opening up the e-mail on your computer, and before I closed it, I accidentally read the e-mail from your mum where she said she thought I wouldn't let you go if we came to an end, because I was too dependent. I guess I believed that at the time. Here's to both of us being wrong; I'm strong enough without you to live exactly the life I want. Nobody can tell me otherwise.

Edited February 29, 2012 by jus d'orange

[CopingGal]

I wanted to call you today, to ask you how could you do those things to me. But I won't. It's been over 60 days. I want to keep NC going. Why should I compromise my recovery from psychological abuse, just to get on the phone with you and hear more of your lies, or hear you throw other women in my face...whatever you feel like at the time?

 

You are beneath me. Always were. Always will be. You are nothing...just nothing and I pity you.

[marqueemoon4]

I didn't want to push you away. All I wanted was for you to love and appreciate me. You couldn't for whatever reason. Maybe you wanted to but I'm unlovable. I don't know. Everything is going to 0. I'll be forced out of the condo we lived in together for 5yrs. I'm probably going to have to euthanize the dog in the coming weeks. But, you're happy living with this guy you don't know and our son, and being pregnant with his child. I loved you and took a huge chance by letting you into my life. I had everything to lose and you had everything to gain. Nothing has ever blown up in my face like this, ever. It causes me pain every day, still. I can't help but miss you and miss living with our son. There isn't anything in the world I do that can equal the joy and happiness of providing for a loving family. I lost sight of that and it cost me everything. You've given it to this other person. I know things could've been worked out but you didn't believe they could. I'm a good person but I do have my issues like anyone else. I see them clearly, and want nothing more than to be a good person and good father. I feel like I'm heading in the right direction. I wish you cared to see.

[Numb79]

I can't stand the fact that you are still in my head. I don't know how someone is able to walk away from 12 yrs of knowing each other without blinking an eye. You said that it was hard for you too but it seems as if I am the only one that is struggling.

You used to tell me that you couldn't wait to spend the rest of your life with me and start a family. Now you tell me that you love me but not in that way. I should resent you but for some odd reason I am unable to. I know the death of both your parents have had a major impact on us. It has changed you immensely. I am sorry that I was unable to comfort you the way you thought I should have. But you should also know that I tried my best considering my upbringing.

You live as if you're in some fantasy world.... you have no idea what its like to work to survive. Sure, you have a job..... but at the same time you don't really have to work because of everything your parents have left you. I am not saying that you don't have a good work ethic..... but if you truely had to work to provide for yourself you would be much more stressed. You never understood that...... everything was always taken care of for you by your parents. Sure, you paid for you own car, insurance, phone bill and things like that. But what if you had to pay for a roof over your head, food on the table, utilities and things of that nature? You wouldn't be able to buy all the fancy clothes that you own or do half of the things you are doing now.

I sit here and tell myself there is no point in getting back together because you have changed and things will never work out in the long run. But I can't help but long for the days that we meant something to each other. I feel like there is an internal struggle daily between my logic and my emotions.

It has been a little over a month of no contact. For all I know you could have moved on already..... but to be honest it doesn't matter if you have or haven't. Nothing matters at this point. I know nothing I do or say can change anything and that I should really leave the past where it belongs..... in the past!!

I wish I was able to make myself resent you or feel some type of anger towards you but I am unable to. Perhaps its the fact that you lost both your parents within the past 4 yrs. I actually feel sorry for you..... No one deserves what you are going through now.....I know you deserve to be happy. If that is the case then why am I still here? Why can't I let go? I need to make a conscious effort to let you go.... although it hurts me to do so. I know we would have been great together.... but we were unable to ride out the storm. I know that things between us are over..... and that we will never be able to go back to what we once had. For all I know, we could live the rest of our lives without ever hearing from one another again. That is a very deprssing thought.....

Very depressing..............

[jus d'orange]

K,

 

I wrote this morning, saying I wasn't going to think of you the rest of the day.

 

It seems you're not ready to leave my head yet. I oscillate between feeling strong and weak. I know I'm a great guy. I know my commitment to you was amazing. I know I've got my flaws, that I was working on them, and that I will fix them for myself now. I guess it may have been too little, too late.

 

Today, for the first time, I felt a pang of jealousy over you being with someone else. I don't know if you are, if you want to be (yet... I know you said you wanted to date others), and I don't care to know. It passed quickly though. I know this had to happen, and I know what I've got to do.

 

Still, it hurts like hell to think we won't have this summer together like I thought we would have. I wonder, sometimes, if you'll forget about me easily. You've never had the best memory. Maybe I'll be something that stays with you? I want you to be happy, but please never forget how great we were together, just us. Man, it was beautiful. Remember our meals? I'd make those wonderful spreads for you while you were at work... you'd come home and we'd watch the doctor together. Then you'd always fall asleep before me!

 

Maybe, after a year or two has passed, you will still remember us together. You'll remember how, the last day we were together, we stayed in bed a few extra minutes, holding tightly the last time. Did you know it was the last time? I had no idea, saying goodbye to you, that that would be it for us. I suppose you didn't know, either.

 

Why won't you leave my head? It's unfair. C told me you called. He told me you missed being able to talk to me. I think you had thought this through, but I bet it hurts for you, too. I'm sorry. We've both lost our best friend without choice, even if you chose to give up your lover. It has to be that way though.

 

Maybe in a few months or a year or two, we'll talk. If you haven't forgotten.

 

Until then, I just need to keep it going. Like I have. The pain will stop when it does, I suppose.

 

jus d'orange

[ToTheBone]

Oh I'm dying to know how you feel right now. Guilt? Sadness? No I don't think so. Anger and denial more like it.

I didn't blow it, sorry but you can't blame me this time.

Think and think hard. Get yourself help. A therapy or something. You need it man.

[CopingGal]

I start thinking about the good times we had, and I miss you so much. Then I remember what you did to me and how manipulative you were. Our relationship was not real and you were an actor. You lied to my face over and over again and did all kinds of things behind my back. You destroyed our relationship and any possibility of even being friends. What a stand-up noble guy you are....NOT!

[newlife83]

For all I know, we could live the rest of our lives without ever hearing from one another again. That is a very deprssing thought.....

Very depressing..............

 

Same thing here. The thought that we wont be family and that you made abortus and left me and 2 minutes before that you were begging me to go with me to my country i something i will never understand. So bipolar. So unusual.So unrealistic. So depressing...

[CopingGal]

I loved you...more than anyone I have ever loved. You knew that. I told you many times. I told you that you were the love of my life. You knew what I had been through. You knew how delicate my feelings were. You knew how sensitive I was.

 

Yet you saw this as your chance to run around behind my back and ignore me with no explanation. You took a hatchet to our relationship and smiled with every chop. Then after you tossed me aside for someone else, you tried to force me to be your friend.

 

You truly are a sick, sick person.

[nick d]

I went to the club tonight trying to get you off my mind.. But no girl even compares to you. I'm so lost without you! I miss your beautiful smile, your laugh, I miss everything about you! I am so lost!

[LSgirl]

Feeling miserable tonight, probably because I went out to happy hour with a friend and drank too much. Here I am on a Friday night at 9:26pm, your night is just getting started, you'll probably head to downtown tonight like you usually do, go to your favorite bar, talk to some girls, ugh..that part depresses me. My friend told me to go on Match.com and I even checked it out tonight just to see who was on it and omg, none of them were attractive, they all looked like douchebags and tried way too hard. All I wanted was you but you couldn't love me so I had no other choice but have to walk away. Weekends are the worst for me, I know you're busy, you live with 2 roommates and have plenty of friends and drink yourself crazy tonight. I know you're going to have fun, I wonder if you're thinking about me as much as I of you. Have you moved on? It's only been 4 days NC since the breakup, but I know for some people it's 'out of sight, out of mind' but that's not the way for me. I still miss you even if you couldn't give me what I want. I hope you're not mad that I've ignored your two e-mails, I just need to let go and heal. I guess overall it was a mutual breakup, but I would have stayed if I know you had felt the same way as you did with me. Tonight is awful, could be worse, at least I haven't cried today, but knowing you're out having fun makes me miserable at home on a Friday night

[newlife83]

I know you're going to have fun, I wonder if you're thinking about me as much as I of you. Have you moved on? It's only been 4 days NC since the breakup, but I know for some people it's 'out of sight, out of mind' but that's not the way for me.

 

 

exactly 4 days of NC...and to me its not out of sight out of heart...the same thing here...i understand how you feel. just fight with yourself and let the days go by...eventually you will wake up and he wont be the first thing you think about. good luck

[LSgirl]

Thanks for your reply newlife, I know I won't be feeling this way hopefully months down the road. I can't imagine what my ex is feeling since he is STILL mourning the loss of his ex-fiancee of 8 years, so he probably doesn't have much time to mourn over me.

 

You know you used me as an emotional crutch to get over your ex, and you're still not over her as I see you still cry over her. You trust no one, yet you still keep in touch with her. I had to witness all this and it took a big blow to my self-esteem. Today is Day 5 NC, it's Saturday but you're usually busy everyday. You'll probably meet someone else because you dont want to be alone. I have nothing to do today, I even offered to take up someone's shift this morning just to have something to do. I don't want to spend all day on the forums again either...

[CopingGal]

I woke up this morning, thinking of you....thinking of one particular time in which I could't wait to put my arms around you. I think about the last time we were together...how you told me you loved me...how intense your words seemed. It's funny, you seemed like a man who was so much in love. It's hard to think that back then you were cheating on me.

[BewitchedandBothered]

Dear....

I see I have arrived in Loserville, population: you...

[CopingGal]

It was a beautiful day today. The sky was blue and the sun was shining. I thought of you. It hurt. I ate where we eat together sometimes. It hurt. Earlier I thought of calling you. But why? What would be the point? You would do one of three things to me:

 

-Lie

-Say something to hurt me

-Throw a woman in my face, which would also hurt me

 

There's just no point. You can't take back what you did and I'm not up for any more of your lies. There's no point. You're a black hole of destruction. There's no point in contacting you. I'm not going to set myself up for more pain. I'm not going to believe any more of your lies.

 

You're nothing. You are just nothing...just nothing.

[CopingGal]

Hello again, you filthy bastard.

 

You are a numskull. You are a filthy, dirty, stupid bombaclot and a nasty, dirty whore.

 

You're the scum of the earth. You're the filth in the dung pits that people who don't have plumbing use.

 

You're the rotten meat the vultures reject. You are a disgusting, awful, crappy, nasty piece of nothing.

 

You smell like stinky feet and your face looks like an elephant took a watery crap on it.

 

You smell like 15 gas passes. Your arm pits are so nasty you have to scrape the dirt off of them. You're the only person I know whose funk enters a room before they do.

 

F you, you filthy, dirty fool.

Edited March 6, 2012 by CopingGal

[sadlittlebee]

Thank you. Thank you for doing this! I seriously believe everything happens for a reason now. I didn't like you to start out, and then I pretty much morphed my mind into falling for you and thinking you were the man for me. WRONG. I would've hated my life with you. We're not a good match at all. Thanks SO much. I'm going to be happy now, because of you. This is a weird feeling going on. God is good to me.

[CopingGal]

Thank you. Thank you for doing this! I seriously believe everything happens for a reason now. I didn't like you to start out, and then I pretty much morphed my mind into falling for you and thinking you were the man for me. WRONG. I would've hated my life with you. We're not a good match at all. Thanks SO much. I'm going to be happy now, because of you. This is a weird feeling going on. God is good to me.

 

I'll say thanks too. Thank you L, for being such a disgusting person and cheating on me. Thank you for 3 years of lies. I can't imagine ever marrying someone like you and getting set for a life of misery with an unstable, lying bombaclot like you. Thank you for showing me what a loser you are. Because you did, I didn't waste anymore time on you.

[padparadscha]

Loveshack:

I was just moving on. I had not contacted him. I had not drove by his house. I moved on with a phone buddy. A man I met overseas a while back. I moved on. The man distracted me and kept me from crying. He has my rock in all my distress. Now suddenly here comes my ex with an email tonight:

 

"It hurts to the core of my bones for this detachment from being broken apart. You don't need to apologize to me because you did nothing wrong to me but it was I that broke our spirits. I was caught up between you and my belief. I am destroyed because I don't have you and I am paying for this every day because I see the pains, and rejection I have caused you. Most of all you changed your number and Im not able to communicate anymore with you. I wanted to protect, love and care for you all of my life.At the same time to freely worship together with you with harmony but this one thing was a struggle between us. I am not at peace because I don't have you"

 

This letter makes no sense to me. He does not mention his cheating. His wife. The times he was on the internet search engine. Goodness have I made a mistake? Was he telling the truth when he said he was only talking to women because he was alone? But the wife? Nothing makes sense. This letter is leaving too much out. He has not even said he loves me. No, this letter is garbage isn't it? If cared about me he would not have allowed me to suffer. He ignored my emails. He ignored Valentines Day. He refused to pick up the phone when I called. Oh Gosh, why did he destroy us? I loved him. Im moving on. Why contact me now after not wanting to contact me before? I begged him not to hurt me. Begged him to think about things. Then I met his wife. Why does the letter not mention that? Oh gosh I am moving on. I was becoming happy. But i was going to marry him. What the fu**k?