Post here instead of contacting your ex!

[Harradin]

Its been a month and a bit since you suddenly broke up with me, and then got with my 'so called friend' and turned my life upside down.

 

Before you, I had never fallen in love, before you I didn't think I was capable of falling in love, I was emotionless, free, unattached and I lived my life as if every day was my last. Then you walked into my life, we got on but you kept contacting me and I replied to be nice and agreed to meet you because we got on. What I didn't expect was in the very first few seconds of meeting you, I'd fall in love with you at first sight.

 

We quickly ended up cuddling that night, our personalities just filled gaps and we got on so well. We ended up snuggling the day after when you invited yourself round mine! The funny thing is that you were the one who initiated everything, talking to me and making the move on me. We ended up going out a few days later and the next two and a half months were the best of my life.

 

We talked about everything, every moment I spent with you was bliss and I had never felt so happy. I thought we had a mutual understanding, you always wanted to see me and we couldn't keep our hands off each other, we just worked so well. I was distraught, surprised and betrayed when I found out that you and my 'so called friend' had been talking, then decided to go out and kick me to the kerb in the process.

 

The pain I felt was excruciating, I hated it. With physical pain you can take painkillers and the pain goes away, you can't do that with heartbreak, there's no way to make the pain go away. I had never felt so low in my life.

 

I never expected that either of you were capable of doing that to me, you had every chance to rebuff my friend but you didn't, you knew I had a good friendship with him aswell. He knew how much I cared for you but he never gave a damn. I always knew he was a back stabber but I thought I had a good friendship with him, now I realise he keeps people around, doesn't care about them, is nice and offers to do things for them and once he's gotten what he wants, he stabs them in the back and moves onto the next person.

 

And that's all that's going to happen to you, and you'd rather have that then someone who truly cares for you and wants to give you everything?! The worst thing is that I'm better then him in pretty much every single way, I was thinner, physically fitter, stronger, kinder, more loyal, just a better person in every way. There was nothing he had that I didn't, so I don't understand it.

 

The worst thing was you kept texting me in a lovey way after the breakup, so after a month of you dumping me, I asked for you back by sending you a CD with a video on it. You then asked to meet up with me, so when we met up you acted all lovey dovey holding my hands, cuddling me, sitting on my lap etc for you to suddenly turn round and tell me you didn't know who you wanted. So I told you to decide, you got angry at me and chose him.

 

And yet I still love you and want you back, because somewhere deep down I seem to think you're the one for me and that you just made a big mistake. I seem to be willing to forgive and take you back and I have no idea why.

 

But when you get stabbed in the back (you won't realise despite me and others warning you) by my 'so called friend', you'll come crawling back I bet and I'd moved on by then so you lost someone who truly loved you for who you were.

[CopingGal]

My anger is subsiding again. The pity is coming back. I know how mentally ill you are. So sorry. So sorry. I'm sorry your mental state is not healthy.

[not-a-drive-by]

H, it's been 49 days of NC. I'm finding myself crying over you again. I really hate it when times get tough nowadays, because I want to reach out to you for comfort. But I know I can't, and so I sit here crying. Do you still think about me? Do you miss me?

[NoMoreJerks]

I have a date tomorrow. I feel good and bad about it. I feel good because I am trying to move on, and other men are showing interest in me, contrary to what you wanted me to believe -- that no one would like me, that you were my last hope.

 

I feel bad because I feel guilty, that I'm betraying you or cheating on you. I still feel like I am with you. I guess I'm not over you yet.

 

I don't think I am ready to date, and I feel bad for this guy I'm gonna go out with. I don't want him to be my rebound..

[msfreebyme]

This is the very first time in a while I can admit I miss having you around. Only because I knew you could distract me from my family problems. I guess I will actually face my problems now. Maybe go find a hug from a good friend. But getting stronger!

[ladyabstrused]

Although I do not wish to ever hear from you again, I somehow wish you'd contact me just to give me back my stuff. Wish I'd have my stuff back because they were dear to me and your controlling self couldn't help but have things your way and keep them with you - because I looked good in them and you didn't like people seeing me in them. My money..my savings..I should've known you'd be too money-minded to return them all back to me.

 

You may have been my first love. But it really didn't feel like it. I don't regret the things you've done to me, the abuse, because it has made me who I am today. A stronger and wiser woman. Thank you for that. Too bad though I had to learn the hard way. You ruined me. Now thankfully I have people who actually do love me to help me patch myself back up again.

[CopingGal]

HI I,

 

I want to thank you for coming into my life. I know that you wanted to pour all your romance all over me with words, but we've only just started communicating. I have to have a solid head. That's why I told you it might not work out with you...I don't know if I can handle your difficulties. I don't want you to get your hopes up.

 

I was just trying to do right by you, so you didn't get your hopes up. But then, your emails went from huge lengths to three sentences.

 

I still wonder if it's possible that we can be together. This weekend, you haven't contacted me. This may sound childish or even crazy, but I've been through too much...too much.

 

But I want you to know...I've been through too much. I can't be in any kind of relationship with a romantic potential if the man doesn't make time for me on the weekends. The times that this has happened to me in the past there were other women involved and/or lies. I don't care if I feel this way because of baggage. I literally can never be in a relationship in which the guy is unavailable on the weekends...it's just pushes too many buttons for me.

 

IT's only been one weekend, but if this turns out to be a pattern, I will have to stop communication with you.

[CopingGal]

Hi I,

 

I wrote you last night. It will be the last email you ever will get from me if you don't write me back. I've learned a lot over this past year and I am a different person. I'm not chasing after anyone any more. So, if I don't hear from you again, I'm not emailing you.

 

If you can't communicate with me on the weekends, I'm not emailing you any more.

 

I'm strong. I've made my decision.

 

That's it.

[CopingGal]

L,

 

There are so many things going on in my life. I would have loved to have conversations with you. When you treated me terribly, you lost the chance to have more wonderful conversations with me. The world is opening up to me. I'm learning amazing things in school.

 

It scares me that you thought you could disrespect me so badly and then turn around and try to form friendship with me...try to FORCE a friendship on me. You are the only person I know that has ever tried to force me into a friendship. It's scares me that you are so dysfunctional.

 

Anyway, you probably don't realize it, but you suffered a lost. I know of the people who are in your life and most of them don't seem to be able to carry on conversations involving science, current events, and other domains.

 

You gave up a life with me so you could have mindless, no-condom sex with a woman who lets you walk all over her and treat her terribly. But she treated you terribly too.

 

The thing is....we would have had so, so much more sex if you had simply treated me well. But you're so selfish, you can't comprehend that. How can you, when you think nothing that happens is your fault?

 

I'm feeling better as the days pass and I'm really, really blessed that you remain out of my life.

[CopingGal]

It's Sunday night. You went from emailing me tons of messages a day to emailing three times in a row that you didn't have time. You implied we would email each other over the weekend. That didn't happen and now there's nothing.

 

If this was 4 years ago, I would have kept emailing you until you came around. But I'm not the same person. I've grown. I'm not chasing anyone.

 

Goodbye I

[theLWord]

Yesterday was your birthday and I wonder you you spent it, but then again I don't really want to know. I sent you that Happy Birthday text with no hidden message, I just wanted you to have a good birthday since I know sometimes you don't think people care about it. I cared. I knew you wouldn't contact me back and I didn't want you to honestly. It hurts too much right now. I'm sorry I broke up with you a few days before your birthday, I just couldn't handle the dysfunction, distance, or pain any longer. Especially since you didn't even want to see me on your birthday. I was going to let you meet my mom if you came down too. I know that hurt you, but we were never stable enough for me to feel comfortable with letting you meet my family.

 

It was like all I did was wait on your text and call. I felt like you were busy doing other things with your time and I was the last thing on your mind, while you were the first on mine. It was bad for me. I couldn't make a decision when I only worried about you. I couldn't put my life on hold any longer while I tried to fix something that you were destroying everytime I rebuilt it. Not we. You continued to do the same thing, lie, I don't know when you'll ever recognize how hurtful your behavior is. I know you got my texts. You get my texts when you want to. I think you were with someone else and you wanted me to end this so you didn't have to. I'm not mad anymore, I just wish you were honest with me. I know it's hard being 3 1/2 hours away and having no human contact, trust me.

 

A year ago today we had only been talking two months, learning about each other and acted like school girls when we talked. Remember how I would stay up on the phone until I had to go to work? The first time we talked for 8 hours on the phone. Who knows what we talked about now. That was then and this is now. We are both only filled with anger, distrust, and pain now. It sucks. I know you said you'd 'marry me today' so many times. I guess our wedding date won't matter anymore, you know we'll both think about it next year.

 

I'll think about you on Thanksgiving, because I would've invited you to our family dinner. I know you'll be at your moms and I'm terrified for you to be so close to me. I know I'll think about you on Christmas because last year was great and we both hate Christmas. I know you said you'd be at your moms for a week in November. It makes me sick to my stomach. I still have the books your mom let me borrow. I still have your paintings I want to give back to you. I might take them to your moms and put them in a box and text her letting her know I dropped it all off. I don't think I can see you, not even a month from now. I will make sure it's a day that's not raining and I'll put it in her backyard like we talked about the last time we broke up. But this time it's the end. I have to find me again, I have to move forward and life. It hurts me to go on without you. We had plans together and I gave you all of me, now there's not much left for me. I have to find it again.

 

I know you'll have received that letter I wrote you before we broke up for your birthday by tomorrow. If you don't rip it up and actually do read it, please don't contact me about it. I meant what I said, but I can't love you forever anymore because I'm begging you to love me as much as I do you. I bet those flowers in the envelope are disgusting and crushed too. Your wild flowers, that's the last of them. I meant what I said in the letter, you are worth finding happiness, as am I. You'll always have a piece of my heart, but I'm moving on and not just to have sex with other girls. I'm not even ready for that and I don't want to be unhealthy like that anymore. I know tomorrow is your last therapy appointment also. You'll be fine, stay strong. Remember what you learned and get another therapist if you need to.

 

I've been turning my phone off so I don't check it every second for texts, so if it went to voicemail, that's why. Plus what do we even have to say anymore? I'm going to leave it on all day tomorrow, and since your birthday was yesterday, I hope the no contact momentum will continue. I need it because I'm about to get that new job and you I have to be in contact for people who do care about me. I'm done wishing it was different, the only thing I need to know now is: it didn't work out and I have to focus on me.

[theLWord]

Every song still reminds me of you too. I can't sleep at night when you aren't in my bed, which wasn't very often anyway. That's why I'll be working third shift, since I'm still awake at 5 am. You're probably not sleeping on the couch anymore, most likely in your bed and not alone. That thought felt like a knife in my heart. I can't think about you anymore, though. I have to think about me. I'm going to take deep breaths to try to get you away from my mind before I sleep. It used to be you I said goodnight to, or you'd fall asleep on the phone. Goodnight.

[Jingle14]

In this past week, I have finally cut the emotional attachment I've felt for you since we first started our relationship but hadn't been able to lose in the almost 16 months since you dumped me. I have had many, many conversations with friends over the last year and a half, have even written down the horrible things you did, sometimes so subtle that it took a while to sink in, but even seeing things in black and white still didn't do it.

 

Until I spoke with a friend last week, who is also going through a break up, and I relived over the phone with her some of my experience with you and it was going over those things - some of which she had already heard, some she hadn't - that reality dawned; you really are a nasty, dysfunctional piece of ****. I told her how I had paid - strange how things were often 'my treat' despite you earning 4 times what I did - for us to go to a gorgeous country house hotel for afternoon tea (something you loved to do). You ordered Champagne (I was paying, obviously) but then when we walked around the beautiful grounds afterwards, you kept your hands in your pockets so I couldn't hold them. That was incredibly hurtful. We were away that weekend - my treat, yet again, in an attempt to rekindle the feelings you told me you felt you had lost so more fool me - and over yet more Champagne I was paying for, you dumped me then left me to pick up the bill. Later that night, you sat and ate a burger without a thought for the pain I was going through, my obvious distress as I sat sobbing next to you. The next morning, we checked out of the hotel and you let me go to reception to pay, watched while the receptionist asked if we had enjoyed our stay despite my eyes being puffy from crying. You were really that cold and callous.

 

I also told her about the time, during our supposed 'friends with benefits' week - which, in reality, was just you using someone you knew was still very much in love with you but you felt nothing for for easy sex - we woke facing each other one morning and I went to put my hand in yours on the pillow next to me, you immediately slipped your hand under the pillow so I couldn't. So it was no problem for you to use my body for sex all night but holding my hand, a sign of affection, was too 'intimate' for you. You have no idea, nor would you care, how hurtful that was.

 

I really can now see you for what you are - damaged, weak, unpleasant, not a nice person at all, the opposite of what you portray to the world though. Only me, and no doubt your ex wife, know what you are really like - untrustworthy, cold, calculated, secretive, a compulsive liar, selfish.

 

It's 2 years today since we went away for a gorgeous autumn break. Last year, it was unbearably painful, all I could think of was how I had lost you, what I had lost, how it was all my fault for not being perfect and for being temperemental occasionally (although in the circumstances at the time, anyone else would have completely understood, as did I with you). This year, I don't care as I know you were a fake, a fraud, and what we supposedly had all an act too. All this time I thought, despite my friends telling me otherwise, that you were my loss. I can now very clearly see that I am your loss. You are most definitely no glittering prize of a catch, how did I ever think you were?! Who do you think you are, apart from an arrogant walking cliche of a middle aged man?

 

I am going to contact you tomorrow though, I am going to text you with a lovely, kind message, reminiscing about that weekend. This time though, it won't be with a lovely, kind intent - I know you do have a conscience in that head of yours somewhere, you couldn't look me in the eyes when we last met 4 months ago and had that long hug, I've held you when you cried on numerous occasions - but this time I won't give a damn about any lilylivered reply, not that I expect or really want one. You and your weak and pathetic, boring and beige life are of no consequence to me whatsoever, I am indifferent to you now that I have moved on from hate - you aren't worth my energy. Enjoy your life, I know it's not the one you want, you are not brave enough to lead the life you do actually want. I am though and it won't be me looking back with regrets.

 

And with that, I no longer need this forum so this will be my last posting on here. I'm now going to stop reflecting on 'my loss' and 'what could/should have been' and get on with my reality, a full life with a beautiful, loving son (who I had to fight to get back, no thanks to you!) who is worth a billion times more than you could ever hope to be, wonderful friends and a positive, independent, fearless character - what you wish you had but never will. Go **** yourself, you spineless prick, I hope you have what you deserve.

[CopingGal]

Hi L,

 

I told I. goodbye. The beginning friendship we had took too much of a strange turn. I really tried to be honest with him. I told him that I didn't know if I could get best his disability. I told him that I needed to go slowly. I was trying to be honest and do right by him. He told me that it didn't bother me and then after all those wonderful emails, sent emails one after another of how he didn't have time to correspond with me. Then told me he didn't have time to talk to me this weekend, but would email me and then there was nothing.

 

I didn't like that. The stress of being rejected and hurt felt too familiar. The thing is, maybe I could have gotten past his disability...I just didn't know. I felt it was unfair to fill this man with tons of hope, then finally meet him and dash his hopes. so I tried to be honest and do right by him.

 

What does he do? He tells me he's okay but then treats me differently. The pushing me away and the rejection was all too familiar. I just met thing guy and now I'm hurting? No way.

 

So I said good-bye to him. It he contacts me and tells me things that make sense...maybe...maybe I'll reconsider. But if he doesn't , I'll stay gone. It he contacts and and continues to treat me like this...I'm gone again and this time I will stay gone.

 

Dating a sociopathic-narcissitic man such as you L, has taught me a whole lot. I'm proud of myself...even if I have misjudged him, I'm still proud. I'm standing up for myself and will take the lonely route instead of taking the couple route with someone who makes me feel bad.

 

I'm starting to appreciate the Hell you put me through. I think it's a good goal in life to prevent myself from having relationships with men who treat me similar...even slightly simliar to you, L. Thanks L. What do you know...some losers really can make a difference!

 

You're a loser L, but that has helped me in this instance.

Edited October 29, 2012 by CopingGal

[CopingGal]

Dysfunctional people stay away from me. I'm tired of you forcing your dysfunctional ways on me. I'm tired of the disappointments you bring. I'm tired of the lies.

 

Just leave me alone. Leave me be. Just live in your dysfunction and leave me alone. Just leave me alone. Leave me be.

 

Please, please...leave me be.

[CopingGal]

I,

 

I got your email. It's funny, 5 days ago, you sent me, how many emails? 6? 7? emails opening up your life to me, telling me you have a crush on me, etc. etc. You sent me about 14 emails in 2 days. Now 5 days later you tell me you no longer have time for me? I just sent you an email back asking you to not email me any more. The last one I sent you was telling you that I don't like your games and that I blocked you.

 

You should have been man enough to tell me that it bothered you that I said I might not be able to get past your disability. You should have been man enough...instead of trying to lead me to believe that you were okay with it and then COMPLETELY changing on me.

 

But what you don't know is that I've been trained by the best! I've been trained by the best manipulator in the country. So I sent you an email asking you not to contact me. And I also blocked you.

 

And by the way, if emailing me is too much for you, there's something called a phone. Five days ago you had all the time in the world for me. And now, you don't even have time to send me a decent email....at all, not any day. You don't have time to talk to me on the phone?

 

I was trained by the best B.S'er there is. So sorry, I'm not putting up with your crap. So I ended it before it started.

 

I want a man. Not a child. I'm sorry dating has been hard for you. But you act like a desperate man. It was never about getting to know me. It was about getting to know somebody, anybody. Well, I'm NOT ANYBODY! I'm me! Screw you.

 

When you found out things may not go your way in the relationship, you put up a fortress of walls surrounded by excuses. I didn't go through this past year of Hell only to end up with a buffoon.

 

Stay away from me...punk.

 

Good-bye

Edited October 30, 2012 by CopingGal

[theLWord]

I'm starting to miss you, it's the worst at night time because I know you're getting off work now and that's when you'd call. I'm already starting to feel a little different not having you to focus on. I have a therapist appointment tomorrow, I hope that helps. I'm still not going to contact you. If you got that letter, I meant it, but I don't want to rehash as to why we broke up anymore. I honestly hope you're doing good. I can't wait til this pain goes away though. Goodnight.

[Blastoplast]

A, I've come a long way since you broke the news over a half year ago. I've got a wonderful new girlfriend, I've been owning school and I've been taking better care of myself, losing 30 pounds. Haters gonna hate, hope you're doing ok -- I barely think about you anymore, and when I do it's out of pity for everything you gave up and makes me realize how selfish you are and how selfless I am.

[CopingGal]

I.,

 

I realized something. All those tons of emails you sent me...none of them showed any interest in me whatsoever. You never asked me any questions. You didn't care where I grew up. You didn't care what I thought about things. It was all about you. You bombarded me with all those emails about you. I could have been anyone. I was just someone who was a potential gf to you, but you never saw me. All those emails you sent where all about your life, but you never once asked me about mine.

 

You are a very selfish person. I think you and my ex are cut from the same cloth. You bombard me with emails and when I don't act the way you want me to, you couldn't get rid of me fast enough. Thank God I only spent 7 days on you.

 

Super-dysfunctional people really need to do everyone else a favor and stay off of online dating sites. Seriously.

Edited October 31, 2012 by CopingGal

[PYTpisces]

Super-dysfunctional people really need to do everyone else a favor and stay out of online dating sites. Seriously.

 

I second this! unfortunately dating site are their breeding ground . Safe and detached from anything real... It's hard to weed out the "safe" ones but your new strategy is good! Ending it before it starts. Stay strong girl!

[CopingGal]

I second this! unfortunately dating site are their breeding ground . Safe and detached from anything real... It's hard to weed out the "safe" ones but your new strategy is good! Ending it before it starts. Stay strong girl!

 

Thanks. It's painful because the last relationship I was in was horrible. The beginning of this potential relationship was so interesting, parts of it was so nice, I let myself think that I could actually have a decent relationship this time...not true. I felt so bad today. I wondered if I would ever find love...would any man want to just see me for me without an agenda...does love really exist? I felt sad, but then I said that I's dysfunction was his and I shouldn't let his dysfunction affect me so much. Just like I shouldn't let my ex's (L's) dysfunction affect me so much. Their dysfunctions, their problems. They force their dysfunction on me, it becomes my problem...until I walk away. I'm just so tired of people forcing their dysfunctions on me. What's even worse is when they don't even acknowledge they are dysfunctional and they try to make it seem like it's my fault. I went through that with my ex again and again. But not this time. I'm a lot smarter than I was before. I'm not going to blame myself when these dysfunctional men are so screwed up that they treat me badly, don't acknowlege what they did and think that it's okay to step on me. No way. I'm stronger now and I know that these men are dysfunctional, that that is NOT my fault, that I can NOT help them, that they are screwed up and that it's their problem.

 

So, my bf put me through unspeakable HELL, but at least I'm smarter for it. I dropped this potential bf in 7 days and I'll drop any man who tries to manipulate me and disrespects me. I will never EVER let a man treat me the way my ex, L did. No way.

[michaelbui]

**** you you lying piece of **** whore. I still can't believe you had the audacity to go behind my back thinking I wouldn't catch you. After everything we been through, through thick and thin, I've sacrificed everything to make you happy, took care of you, and whatever because its irrelevant now. Its better to not promise and give everything than promising **** and give nothing at all. Still can't believe... I found this out right before my birthday, RIGHT after your birthday. You just took your gifts and left. You took everything from me, took advantage of me when I spoiled you on your birthday. And then my birthday comes up 3 weeks later. Nothing. Not even a card. Anyways I found out you were hiding **** from me, so thats why I broke up with you on your birthday. Worst birthday ever huh? **** you. You're the reason who ****ed up everything. Not me. You you you... omfg I've never felt so much pain in my ****ing life.

[PoZiTiveOrNeGaTive]

I miss you, I loved you, I still care about you, I can't get over you.

 

I wasn't supposed to let you know this, but I think you know. I'm brutally honest. That was what you used to say. Even if it hurt you. But now my brute honesty is hurting me, because I can't lie to myself and pretend I'm not feeling the pain of karma...

 

I gotta move on.. I'm sure one day I will. It'll be hard but I have no other choice. If somehow things change and we're given a second chance.. well, there is no "if's".

 

Maybe I'm just hoping. I hope I'll be a stronger more grown up person to let you know next time....

 

miss ya!

[chloe56]

Well, making the last payment on the car loan I got for you under my name. It brought back memories, have to say thank you for improving my credit rating and I suppose for teaching me a very valuable lesson in integrity.

 

Wishing you the best in life, hoping you are enjoying the flat and bike too, and that bulldog bash was worth losing a family for. Highly doubt you will meet another idiot like me, and trust me I have learned the lesson well.

Goodbye.

[PYTpisces]

I was doing so well...

 

At first I was overly excited that you texted me the other night, asking if I was okay during the hurricane. You even started the text with "I know I'm an A$$****** but...." I was even excited that you owned up to your A$$****ness. Once the high wore off, I realized that you're still not sorry. You're still an A$$****, and nothing can undo the damage you've done. You will not have a foothold in my life. If you can't treat me the way I deserve, you need to stay away from me. I deleted you from Facebook because I'm trying to forget about you and what happened. I've eveb successfully avoided your twitter page for a long time now. The urge to check it is gone for good. Get your ego stroked somewhere else. You're probably wondering why I'm not chasing after you now, requesting reconciliation, or clarification, or justification... The answer is simple. I LOVE MYSELF NOW. You, satan, whoever, may try to knock me down, and sometimes I do stumble, but guess what? I'm a survivor. I told you that I prayed for you and I still will because you're still apart of my story, though it didn't have the happy ending I wanted.

 

Oh... and i forgive you, even if you didn't ask for it, even if you don't deserve it. I dont forgive you for you, i forgive you for myself.

Edited October 31, 2012 by PYTpisces