Post here instead of contacting your ex!

[Harradin]

Despite you doing what you did, I seem to be holding onto the hope that you were upset from finding out about your parents divorcing and not thinking with your head straight when you got rid of me but even if I took you back if you made a genuine mistake, knowing how long it takes me to trust people, I'd never be able to trust you properly. I wonder sometimes if you miss me or you regret what you did, but while you're still with him I guess you won't realise until he hurts you which is only a matter of time.

[Mrselfdestrukt]

It's been 3 weeks now since you walked out the door and walked out on our 22 years together. Your reasons at the time were "I don't love you anymore" - and "we want different things out of life". How do you know this; as you have distanced yourself from me so much in recent years that we never actually talk. I have spent years now sitting alone in the lounge while you spend your time sitting on the bed watching movies - I know this is unhealthy, but that is how we became. Neither of us remembered that a relationship needs to be worked on daily and it is hard work.

You admit that you started to emotionally abandon me 17 years ago when the children came along, you seem to have forgotten you married me and instead married them.

However, I have always loved you and remained true to our marriage.

Despite my frustrations at the time, I honoured your feelings 13 years ago, when you decided that there was "more to a marriage than sex" - and despite the one attempt at sex counselling, I conceded defeat and appreciated that you simply were not interested any more in sex - and it stopped.

Yet I still loved you and accepted our marriage and relationship for what it was.

I remember your reasons for leaving your first husband all those years ago; when you went away on a work's course for a few days - slept with another guy; this was your trigger to admit to yourself that you no longer loved your first husband and you quickly left him.

We've not discussed your reasons for leaving me, you left me sobbing on the floor and walked out of the house; we did not discuss the possibility of you having met somebody else - part of me doesn't really care; but part of me wants to complete the jigsaw.

Thinking back, the signs are there - the tattoo you has on your arse in secret; the sudden need to have to go to work on weekends; the sudden desire to shave your 'downstairs'. And you may not know this, but you were overheard by one of the children when speaking with your mum and she asked you "Do the kids know about..." - although, thankfully for them, they didn't hear the end of the sentence.

Despite this, I do still love you.

You cannot erase 22 years that quickly - you have been my life since I was 17 years old, my only girlfriend, my only love, my only true best friend.

Yet now, the last communication from you was over 2 weeks ago, and that was to discuss financial arrangements (and what you could no longer contribute to). I am dreading sending you a text message in 2 weeks time, to ask you to contribute to our shared commitments.

I just want you to talk to me - I will pay for marriage counselling - whatever it takes.

I want our family back together. The kids will never tell you this, but they are so unhappy when they have to spend their week at your mother's - and we have so much fun when I have my week with them. I want you to join in with that fun also.

I want us to be a family once more. But I am coming to accept that you have hardened in your resolve to never return.

It is painful every day - it sounds like a cliche, but you have broken my heart. I always knew you had a selfish side, but I never in my wildest dreams believed you could be this cold.

Yet I still love you - and probably always will.

[Minadee]

Dear J

Today was not a good day. I was reminded of you everywhere I went. In my lectures, someone mentured Ed Sheeran and I thought of our song and how everyone used to wind you up and say you resembled a blonde ed because of the way you used to do your hair. Then, feeling sad I took myself shopping, I went into that shop you hate and laughed. You hated the music in there sooo much you'd wait outside. I kept seeing you everywhere I went. I also happened to pick up the purse your nan and granddad gave me a couple christmases ago without realising until I had to pay for something. I then got on the bus and sat in our favourite seat. I mean you drive now, but at the time you were learning again and we would always get the seats second row from the back. Why does everything I do and everywhere I go have to remind me of you? You told me that tweet wasnt about me but I still think it was. I think i'm missing you more and more each day. This is so unfair.

I love you baby, I really wish I didn't.

[BigBear]

It's been a while since I've been here. All new people here. Maybe I'm posting this more for all of you than for my ex. I am sure my experience isn't typical (well, maybe it's not impossible), but I just wanted to post to give perhaps a glimmer of hope to those who are in such pain right now.

 

I know what you are feeling. My wife left me in early April of this year. April through June was pure hell, I was so down, so depsondent, I thought I might just pack it in at one point. She forced us to sell our house, and I had to move to keep access to our young son.

 

I can say now moving was one of the best things that could have happened. I loved our house, but I couldn't shake my memory of her while living in it. Now I have a new place, I have my son 4 days a week, and I have a new girlfriend of two months. Everyone says "Oh that's too soon" and "You should be careful". Well, yes, yes I should. But I really feel like the luckiest guy in the world. This doesn't happen this fast to too many people, but I really feel like I've hit the jackpot. We could have met 5 years after me and my wife split, it just happened to be 5 months. She is not the first woman I dated, but there was instant chemistry. I just went to an over-40s Meetup event...she actually approached me...and 5 hours later we were closing the place, I didn't speak to another person that night.

 

I am not saying this is the route out of your pain. I know a lot of people might think I've replaced one person with another. It does not feel that way at all. But if I was to write something to my ex now, it would go along these lines:

 

M, I want to thank you for cutting me loose. I did not realize how much I sacrificed to always try to tiptoe around you and the dozens of things that bothered you. I was always on eggshells with you, afraid that I would "do wrong" and you'd go off on me. You leaving me gave me the chance to start over and meet someone else, and I have. She is smart and beautiful and above all considerate. I am in love. I think about you far less now, and when I do it's with a lot less anger. I wish you the best in life. I'm doing alright and am looking forward to my life now, me and our son and my new love. All the tension is gone from our home now. I am not feeling constantly under the gun, that I am not doing enough, that we are not achieving enough, that we are not saving enough, that I am talking too much, or whatever. I am in a place of peace and can be myself. Soon, I will introduce C to Xxxxxxxx. When the ink is dry on our separation agreement, and it's been at least a year, C will be moving in, and I will be moving on with my life. Thank you for our time together, and all the best to you. You have given me my freedom and for that I cannot thank you enough. B.

[theLWord]

Today was better than the last few days have been. I was only sleeping a couple hours a night, by managed eight tonight. Though I woke up at 4am thinking about and have stayed up. My dog has to be put down soon. I cried a lot accepting this but I leaned on my best friend and family. They've never betrayed my trust or hurt me, unlike you. It's just another reminder that life goes on. He's had a great life and is old. I wouldve normally cried to you, but it's been almost a month since we broke up. Not sure how long since I messed up and broke contact, I've tried to stop counting, maybe two weeks. I start a new job in a few hours, not a huge deal.. not my dream job, but I really hope staying busy will help.

 

I realized tonight as I read self help article after self help article, that I feel so calm. It still hurts some, but just the fact that I can lay alone and not worry about where you are, when you will contact me, (since I blocked you) if we will talk and fight like we always did.. I just feel less stressed in way. I keep reminding myself that my ex who I cared about, I don't even think of her or miss her really, and I know it'll be that way with you. I think I'm missing you in a somebody to talk to type of way, not so much the unhealthy relationship we had. The fog is clearing slowly. I do think about if you will be in town on thanksgiving. In my head I figured if you email me, you might actually care..if you don't, you probably brought someone else to your moms or you stayed there to have it with them. It makes me sad. I want all hope gone because I know better. I guess I just want to be missed..sad about christmas too. I remember us with a while she was opening presents, but honestly we were fighting before christmas and barely talking. I just came to give a her gifts. I'm not sure why I wrote this, I am getting better though. I think I need to stay more busy.

[Minadee]

Dear J

I feel confused. I'm not angry or upset but could you talk to me? Please? Am I not worth the 2 minutes it takes to text me if i'm okay? Someone you loved and adored for three years? We had sex yesterday and although I don't regret it, and despite other peoples opinions I don't feel cheap or used or taken adventage of... I just wish you would talk to me to see if i'm okay. Days are going by quicker now and although everything and anything reminds me of you, i'm not crying so much anymore. I'm not talking to you first this time, you can come to me...

I'll be seeing you friday.

I love you.

[Minadee]

Dear J

I just seen that girl you took to the cinema a couple of weeks ago posted on your facebook wall. She was talking about you teaching her to play fifa. I knew you lied to me yesterday when you said you shared the icecream bowls with your brother, it was with her, wasn't it? I feel sick to my stomach, i'm about to bleed out a life and you are letting her into your room. Onto the bed we made love on. Playing games we used to play together. I feel so so sick, the heat is prickling all over. I am so upset. I am now crying because I have found out you spent the night with her last night and she is all over your twitter telling you what a great night she had. Then you posted how happy you were and what a great night you had with her. My poor little heart, how can you do this to me?

 

I love you to the core baby, I wish you'd come back to me! I wish that skinny little blonde runt would go away! I sound so bitter but these tears hurt. i can't stop.

Edited November 14, 2012 by Minadee

[Indy C]

Hey babe,

 

This will be the very last time I call you that. I was nice and respectful through out the whole break up. I moved 350 miles away from my home to be with you before I was ready, but I busted my ass for you. Secured a full time job and was acceling in the position, but do me a favor please explain to me how exactly I was supposed to work full time, go to school, spend every minute of spare time with you, and hear how my family was falling apart back in Atlanta (while recieving no support from you). Where as you miss spoiled little princess B**** got all your school paid for by mommy and daddy while living at home. (not paying rent, car insurance, gas, Oh and all your meals out being paid for by me) So what you got a job and all the sudden you know what my situation was like ? I hate to break it to you sweet heart but you dont know a F****** thing! I hope you wake up and realize what i sacrificed for you and finally appreciate what i did for you. And how dare you get pissed at me for talking to another girl AFTER we broke up! Need i remind you that you left me for my best friend! Your one cold hearted B**** and I hope you two are really happy together. Actually scratch that I hope one day you two realize how y'all screwed me over.

 

I'm not lying, denying, that i feel so much better

now that your gone forever

Three Days Grace - "Gone Forever"

[Jingle14]

So my last post on here wasn't my last one! Am feeling murderous today and have only one thing to say - drop ****ing dead!

[Minadee]

Dear J

I want to be angry at you, I want to be soooo mad and hate you and just delete you from everything but I can't. I found myself in bed staring at the ceiling for over 2 hours. I woke up shaking and thought it had all been a bad dream, oh how I wish this was. How can you replace me so easily with her? I thought she was thin and pretty but she is a LOT bigger than me and has the face of a child. She plays rugby j! you told me you hated blondes and you hated girls who played sports! What do you see in her? I cant hate you hough :'( i don't know why. I love you so much and just want you to come home for me.

One day I hope this pain will fade.

I love you.

[jwhite]

Last night I had a lot of compassion for you. I felt like I never got to apologize right. I know that I kissed someone else and didnt tell you for over a year. I want you to know that you never deserved it and you always did little things for me and were nice enough to ever warrant something like this.

 

I am sorry, sorry from my bones sorry. I am also sorry for two things I said during the heat of emotion. I told you that I wished the last four years never happened and I should have let you go during the first break-up. I never really meant that. I also said that I didnt want any reminders, but that was for a different reason. I didnt want the pain. That is the only reason.

 

I know you are moving on and I have to let you go. I just want you to take your time with love and choose well. I think it is too soon for you to be looking, but I know you want to heal the pain that we have caused. I hope that you can find yourself so you dont end up like we did. I will always love you, even after everything.

[Harradin]

I keep wondering whether you think about me, not spoken to you since I tried to get you back when really I should dropped you like a bad habit when you broke up with me.

 

I do wonder when you'll realise what you had, maybe your parents divorce messed with your head but its still no excuse for the way you treated me. It'll probably be when you get backstabbed and kicked to the kerb by the person you left me for like he did to me.

 

For some reason, I'm always going to love you and I don't know why. Hell I don't even know what went wrong with our relationship and I've been thinking for nearly 2 months since you dumped me! I hate not having answers, so it pisses me off. I thought I was invincible and incapable of falling in love until you appeared, coincidentally at first sight. Then you broke me emotionally and despite me doing nothing wrong and making the effort in the relationship I'm the one who has to suffer for it - how does that work?!

[terlislee]

I love you. I'm sorry i couldn't be good enough the silence hurts so much.

[CopingGal]

Hi L,

 

I want you to know that most of my anger is gone. You seem so lonely when I see you. I'm sorry you have this thing inside you that makes you the way you are.

 

I'm sure you never loved me. I don't even know that you ever truly liked me a great deal. I guess you liked me on some level...I don't really know. I was with you for three years off and on and I don't know anything about you except you lied to me all the time. I don't know why you dated me or what you wanted from me. I'm sure you wanted sex from me. I know when you found out I wouldn't blindly trust you, or let you completely control me, and left you when you began to ignore me on a regular basis...those were huge blows for your ego, the latter being the worse.

 

Maybe that's why you treated me terribly after I left you. Maybe that's why you harassed me after I left you. At first, I thought it was because you wanted me in your life on some level...that you wanted me as a friend and you were going to talk to me about her whether I wanted you to or not. But now, I think you acted that way to torture me.

 

Either way, I'm okay. My anger has subsided...most of it and has been replaced by intense pity for you.

[Minadee]

Dear J

I'm not coping very well at the moment, I have a few friends and some family supporting me but I want you. I want you to tell me i'm going to be okay. I want you to come over and be with me and hold me and cry with me. I feel so lost and alone without you. I know you were with her last night because you didnt reply to my text, and you always, always look at your phone. I need to stop looking to you for sympathy, I need to man up. It just seems so unfair that I am the one not sleeping and with my head over a toilet bowl every morning while you sleep and cuddle with her without a care in the world. I cried today on the way to work because an advert for a holiday home came on the radio, I remember how we used to talk about taking a weekend off from work and just driving anywhere we wanted when you got your car. Now you have your car and you are driving her around instead. You are not going out drinking anymore, which was one of the main reasons we argued so much. I hate that you are turning into everything we argued about. I hate how I supported you when you put on weight because you couldnt move, I did everything for you, sat in the god damn shower with you when you were low. Cried with you when you were fed up. Now your leg has heeled, you're fitter, dressing well, hardly drinking and now you're driving again. Why does she get to see the you we moulded together? I was there for you every step of the way and now you have abandoned me when I need you most. I dreamt of you last night and woke up and threw up all over my bed. I'm not sure if it was from the dream or the morning sickness. I texted you but you are probably spooning her in our bed as I type. Probably heard your phone buzz and thought "I wont answer it infront of her" Does she even know i'm pregnant? I don't want to ask. Despite everything, I miss you. I miss us so so much. Everyone tells me I deserve so much better but you were everything to me.

I love you.

One day I hope this wont hurt so much.

[cloudatlas]

I am okay. Yes exactly that's it really. NC, yes yes yes. That whole damn plan. I wish I knew how to stop breathing. My life is on track - I have my plan. Just, hey. I just want to tell you that I was so tired of being alone, of growing apart with people I cared about, and you promised. I gave you all I could, all I asked was for you to be there. You just kept leaving, and that had me freaking out almost every night. I should have cared less, but I needed you, and I needed a rock. I'm just so tired from the pain. I just want to call you and just explain - you know this is why I went nuts. You know, you know, I'm human, please remember that. I can't calm down if you'll be so cruel. Let's end things nicely. I trusted you. I just want an amicable conclusion. I don't want to be tramuatized by this anymore - I can't handle it. Bad days & good days but everything that triggers memories makes

me want to just be done with everything. I can't handle it. I don't want too. I'd rather forget everything, because if this is how it ended - what's the point? I learned nothing but pain.

[Mrselfdestrukt]

Please come home.

[cloudatlas]

I am sorry, but to hell with you if I'm going to mope around about this and be in pain months later. Hello, it's already months later. Things ended in late august and now it's November. It's not even about you anymore, really, it's the betrayal, it's the fact that I am so damn alone after being surrounded by people all the time and that I'm tired and it's not you. It's my own fears punching me in the face and I am done. **** sleeping too much. Cooking too much is good - I'll become so damn fantastic at cooking, and knitting - listen I will make all the scarfs and read all the books and write all the essays and do all sorts of things for myself because hell yes I'll be selfish. I will help people because it will make ME feel better and I'll care and trust other people because to HELL if you destroy me and my trust in others and leave me a traumatized shell and I realize this is just a goddamn moment of yay!strength and maybe I'll collapse but for now YAY. STRENGTH. I have a whole future ahead of me. I'm a freshman in college, damn it, and I'm leaving this city by August 2013 so it's not like I'm LOST. I have a plan. I have EVERYTHING I need and it's not you, it's not going to be you. There are plenty of guys out there with similar tastes, and hey! They'll actually BE BETTER, because you weren't good at all. Just for a little while, and then you were mainly cruel. It's not all my fault. It's really, really not. Not all my fault at all, and yeah, if I acted different things might be different? HEY, that would involve NOT CARING as much and HEY maybe being in a better mental state but oh sure, let's have EVERYTHING CHANGE and for you to not really be there AT ALL when really that was all I needed for a while.

 

There are people that out there that could love me. It doesn't have to be you anymore. I don't care. You loved me at my best, but at my worst you just ended up making it even worse and then giving up on me. I told you what to do to make it better and really it was simple, all you had to do was care enough. So, to hell with that. Who actually needs that? I got scared of acting like myself or anything or having emotions - who needs that? I'm a damn attractive person, I know it, and you know other people know it, and I'm young, and I'm pretty damn intelligent - besides emotionally, apparently. I've got a million excellent attributes and yeah, I have flaws, hello! HUMAN.

 

So to hell with it. Yeah, I'll probably contact you in the future because I can't. I CARE. I'll always care, it's just how I'm wired and I'm really not ashamed of that. Yeah, I went nuts and I acted crazy but it's funny how I'm more ashamed at my craziness over you when NO ONE KNOWS. Because I felt everything and I was genuine and real and that's all I could ask from myself. I'm not going to be ashamed of how I acted, but I'll be ashamed at what I lost. I wish I didn't, I wish I can restart it to block the pain or to have things differently but what's the point? I can always wish for stupid things and I can always hope and hope but the universe isn't going to give me that kind of magic.

 

I'll just find a whole new group of friends, I'm glad I had ones outside this mutual circle because you infected ours with so much betrayal and lies and secrets and jealousy and obsession and you know you did. Sure, I helped. But you couldn't keep things to yourself - you had to spread it all over the group in various shades. And here I thought you liked privacy? You throw your life over everyone in a selfish, careless way and you think you do it to be kind when really, it's for your own satisfaction and gain. You are a hypocrite in everything you say, and it's not your fault, you don't know what you want, and yes, you've got those people in your head but where's your control? Who are you, really? You're self-obsessed, of course. But you weave a mythology about yourself and maybe that's your control. I've analyzed you and you were surprised at how damn good I was. I've understood that, I did understand you, but hell, I was in such pain. I wanted you to make it go away, because I needed you for that because there was no one else - so I'm sorry if I got focused on not falling apart every day instead of your needs, because you seemed to go and get it from all of them. We were supposed to help each other, not make things worse. You didn't help me at all, I hope you don't tell people that you did, because that's a ****ing joke, darling. That's a damn good joke, and trust me, I'm laughing. That wasn't help. That was emotional torture.

 

It just hurts, is all. I really don't want to be alone anymore. I don't want to miss you and all of them but I don't want to speak with them. Things are - well, it's humiliating, that you decided to make so many things so public and that when I was with you I blindly reached out and I hate people seeing my weaknesses. I let you, and I'm not ashamed of what I did. I did in emotion, and besides the incessant spam of calls, I'm finally at NC and I'm working on it. I'm working on it.

[Harradin]

Ever since you tried to comment towards me on a mutual friend's Facebook status, you've been playing on my mind. I should block you but you never gave me grief until now and I don't think I can manage to even go on your profile in order to block you.

 

I went to counselling today for personal reasons that just amplified after our breakup, it went well and I've arranged for more so soon I should be over you. I just hate the fact that I did nothing wrong and I tried to support you through your parents divorce, and all you did was throw it back in my face by dumping me by email telling me you had got with my friend when "nothing was going to happen." I do something good and I'm the one picking up the pieces, I hate it. I had my suspicions, you even got angry at me when I told you about my suspicions as you claimed "I couldn't trust you!" Can't believe I fell for that sh.it

 

The worst thing of all is despite what you did to me I still love you. I want to move on and find someone else but I can't because you're constantly in my head.

 

I don't understand why you would even get into contact with me, you know I'm not interested in being friends with you and I ignored you anyway.

 

But I'm determined to move forward, its what I've done my whole life and I've never given up so you can be sure I'll move on without you no matter how long it takes.

 

If you suddenly decide you've made a mistake, the only way I'm taking you back is if you cut all contact with the so called friend you left me for and you want to get back together for the right reasons, the first one will be how you win back my trust. We would have to start a new relationship and work on what made you want to dump me in the first place. But I'm not gonna wait for you to realise, I'm prepared to keep moving on so you better act quick.

[CopingGal]

Hi L.,

 

Lately every time my roommate and/or I see you, you are always alone. I wish I could hold you and tell you every things is going to be alright...that's how much compassion I now have for you. But I won't. No matter how sorry I feel for you, it doesn't erase all the misery and mental torture you put me though. Should I reach out to you, you would just take advantage of me again...it's what you do.

 

So I will continue with the mechanism I started to help you months ago. I will pray for you. There is absolutely nothing else I can do.

[YorickBrown]

Dear LJ,

 

You're about to make me break NC (after over 6 months, and when I'm just about over putting myself back together and moving on). You have no idea (and probably dont care) what it took me to get here and the "price" I have to "pay".... I still can't believe it myself.

 

I don't want to break NC, and I know you don't want me to...but because of the recent news that was brought to my attention a few days ago (this here) You're making it very very very difficult for me NOT to contact you and confirm...it's messing me up really really really bad...more than our break-up. Especially since I have all but used up all my remaining resources to get well...and now I get stabbed all over again? I managed to fix my heart (whatever is left of it...) and now, my head and body feels like I'm always in boxing match that never ends. And Im already running on empty.

 

I'm sorry. I don't know why this is such a big deal for me, but it is. Nothing mattered/matters anymore...and yet now, everything matters..again. Is it because I just became a father? Is she my daughter? I wish somebody would just explain it to me why this is so....

[Mint Sauce]

did you realize you put your lunch box on top of mine in the fridge here at work? I guess not, but I was touched by the symbolism nonetheless. Miss you.

[Harradin]

You've done it again, you've commented on a another mutual friend's status towards me on Facebook. I don't see what you're trying to achieve here, you should know I'm not interested in being your friend, and again, I've ignored you. I really should block you on Facebook but I don't want to see pictures of you and your "happy life with your supposedly new boyfriend" so I can't bring myself to do it.

 

If you want to talk to me then do it properly, you have my number. I'm not getting drawn into this.

[jwhite]

I miss you still. I have been feel sorry from my bones about what I did and how I should have been a man and faced the truth.

Edited November 20, 2012 by jwhite

[cloudatlas]

Ranting insert here.

It doesn't matter what I say. You're not going to apologize.

But damn, I know what a good person you are. I know how you can be. Just not towards me anymore.