Post here instead of contacting your ex!

[newcaledonia]

it has been four months since a breakup with a man I lived with for six years..so it is our big holiday tomorrow here in the USA and that seems to be bringing up all kinds of regrets or temptation to contact. long story but he picked up with a mutual friend about a week after our break up and this resulted in a feeling of losing the community we lived in and all the friends we made through a kind of hobby/interest we all shared seemed like it was not possible to do now that he had started up with this woman. so I moved away to my old hometown, and tried to start over. It has been difficult and I am missing him a lot...but resolve not to make contact ... still somehow wonder why as I could call him and wish him a happy thanksgiving...but I have learned that even these calls make it worse and I have to sort of suffer through rehashing the call and what was said. It is too painful..ugh. main point I want to make is this guy moves on without a hitch..and I seem to be doing all the true suffering..want to feel better, am trying but definitely feel almost lost without him. got to shake it off and get going...somehow feel like it is two steps forward one back .. all the time. It is four months into a breakup but I hope these feelings start to subside...it almost feels like it is harder now because the permanency of it all is sinking in. thanks for letting me vent:(

[Indio Negrito]

Dear Elizabeth,

 

Thank you for acknowledging my email and believe me when I tell you that I suffer.

 

Ive been thinking if responding to you would make any difference in your perspective and figured since I still have feelings for you and dont care how stupid, hopeless or pathetic my effort is to you - I just want you to know that I still love you.

 

If you dont feel the same, Im not going to stand in the way of other relationships but please know I've spent a year contemplating how to come back in your arms with no opportunities from you for for face or phone time. When I ran into your mom at the grocery store, she laughed at me when I asked about you so please know that I have tried in humility to earn my way back.

 

I can appreciate the level of distrust and animosity you must have towards me but to not speak to me or give me a chance to restore what we had really hurts both of us as I believe in my heart that our intentions were always sincere and mine are still real.

 

We both had communication problems in ensuring our respective needs are acknowledged and respected and though I was more of the culprit in not making things easy - I was capable of adapting and learning. I would never harm a single hair on your body and to know you made me feel like I was a threat - hurt beyond words can describe which is why I gave you your space as angry as you were....

 

I messed up in getting jeolous that night hearing you were taking heed to another man's advice. Im not sure how others would've handed it but in my mind at that moment and buzzing on whiskey - it came across to me as a big FU and I reacted.

 

Looking back - we both argued over silly things that could've been avoided if we focused on why we're together in the first place - which was mutual love and admiration.

 

I should never have wasted our time on absrtact matters such as religion, family roles and achieving wealth and greatness but enjoyed the journey you wanted me to share with you as great friends, a couple, husband and wife, and father and mother to our twin boys (*nervous laugh)

 

It will be ayear soon since I've seen you and am asking you, the woman of my dreams, to please give me my place back.

 

I believe that you know i love you, can and will love/respect your family and hope we can look back one day and laugh at the tribulations we went through to be a unified and strong happy family.

 

If not, thank you for giving me the best years of my life.

 

Yours...

 

Asim

 

 

What do you think folks - am I dumbass for trying? I've only been with 3 woman my whole life and Im 35 now so long term relationships is all I know...I have gone out dating but im sure you all know what that's like...just weird these days...and its not like i have a hard time finding someone. I just cant giving my heart out anymore...

[Mandos]

I miss your dog more than you. If that nice and cheerful animal realised what you have done to me, it would have bitten your ass off!

[mid-divorce]

two side, i flip from one to the other...

 

 

I love you, im sorry, ive changed everything, ill do anything for ...

 

 

I hate you, i cant belive you have done this, you dont acre about your own children, u lied on our wedding day, your a failure ...

[theLWord]

Today is thanksgiving and I wonder if you will be close by at your moms. My guess is if you are at your moms, you'll prbably bring a rebound date. She won't be like me, your mom won't love her like me. I know you'll get your stuff that I dropped off at your moms if you are close, with pictures of us included. Since you e mailed me last week, I've been worried as to whether you would stop by my house and bring my stuff even though I told you to throw it away. I'm pretty sure you won't, pretty sure you wont e mail again considering you just wanted an ego boost and had nothing to say. Have fun wherever you are. I know you can't help but think of me today too. How about when you and your new gf are on your moms couch that we had sex on! Or pulling in the driveway where we also had sex.

 

Oh yeah, it must really suck being such a pretentious vegan on thanksgiving lol. Have fun eating green beans.

 

Happy t giving, ” jamz”.

Edited November 22, 2012 by theLWord

[Minadee]

Dear J

You told my best friend that things were happening between you and Harriet. Your stepfather uploaded a photo of you two together with little Harry. It broke my heart into a billion little pieces. I cried and cried till i couldn't anymore. Why has she met the family already? Was that your mother's 50th? Was it the day I slept with you that you took her to meet all your family? I can't understand it. You have known her three weeks and she is already meeting everyone. The pain is so so unreal. I want to hate you, I want to never ever see you again or talk to you but everything I do reminds me of you. I cannot even go anywhere without bumping into a mutual friend or being reminded of things we have done. I see you tomorrow, you are picking me up and taking me for my blood test. I don't know how that will pan out. My mother is furious that I am STILL seeing you. A part of me wants to go through this all alone because then I wont have any hope of you coming home to me. You've been texting me a lot this week, always first, always with a little X and with smiley faces and jokes. What does that mean? Do you feel sorry for me? Do I cross your mind? She can't be making you feel that secure as three days ago you were texting me about joining the gym and how you feel fat. I told you you didn't need it and that you were perfect and your reply seemed subdued, like you were thoughtful. I have this horrible habit of asuming the worst and over analysing everything. The days are easing a little now, I still think of you all the time but It's getting better, slowly.

 

"These streets are filled with memories, both perfect and in pain, and all I want to do is love you, but i'm the only one to blame" - Secondhand Serenade (Like a knife)

 

I love you, please come home to me one day.

[CopingGal]

I wondered about you. Are you homeless again? Are you with your son's mother's family? Are you completely alone?

 

I saw you in the store yesterday. You looked so weird with a stupid look on your face. You looked like a mouse scurrying about in someone's kitchen looking for cheese. I remember how sorry I felt for you. I saw you one or two days before that and I got this feeling over me while I was looking at you. You seemed to completely alone and lost...so pathetic....so pathetic.

 

Wow.

[coffeeloverx]

I miss your dog more than you. If that nice and cheerful animal realised what you have done to me, it would have bitten your ass off!

 

Can I just say I relate to this so much? I miss my ex's dogs a lot. Probably moere than him.

 

Oh well.

[cloudatlas]

I promise you, I'm already fantastic, but I'm going to be better than that, I'm going to be brilliant. I just realized, spending time with you and the group those last two months were absolute torture. Sure, I miss a few of them, but the connection for all of us started becoming so warped. I changed for the worst, forgot myself, made you the world, and was always stressed. But, I'm amazing. I am so very great. I AM strong, like you told

me back when you were kind. But, not in the state I was. You know why, I just wish you understood. Doesn't matter, we both made mistakes. I'm sorry for mine. I really am. But, I can't regret them. I was in such an emotional disbalance, and I had no control, and no time to deal with it. I did love you, but that's okay. I am worth it too. I just need to believe that. You forgot, you really did, and you gave up, thinking it would help? Help you, of course. Oh well. Right now I am at peace, and tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow. Whatever walking shadow this life is, it's still mine. I should only fight to keep those who fight to keep me. You did, actually. I do remember you tried. I'm sorry I couldn't be strong enough. I am, really though, sorry that I couldn't be strong. But you were always gone, and it killed me. I wish I left first, I wish you really loved me. Enough to be there, just enough. But all you had was such nice words, and strong arms, and like all the dreams I've wished for. But, you weren't there, and I forgot your cruelty, and how you used to just be a friend to me, and how that was better, instead of the emotional flux I ended up in, with no help. But I loved you, and in the end, oh, you really weren't worth it. But you should have been, just like I should have been. We were supposed to help each other. But, you were always more selfish than me, no matter how you disguised it. I'm sorry love, really I am. I wish I cared less, so that there was more balance, more control. I wish I can reverse time, give it another chance. See if I can be stronger, because I do believe it was worth it, but you just didn't live up to it, and niether did I. I wish you cared about fixing a broken thing, but why? Why even try? I'll call you in a year or two, just to see if there could be a better ending. I wonder if I'll still care? Regardless, I wonder if I'll even remember your number. Does it matter? But right now, NC is good. I hope one day we'll have a good ending. You were my first in everything. So, I can let go, like I've always said. I can always let go, and be happy for your life, and everyone's. Pretend you've switched realities. The world will go on, and I will be happy.

[not-a-drive-by]

Reading all these holiday posts isn't helping me. I am dreading NYE. I've always wanted to spend it with you. I was looking forward to this year's NYE. You said last year that you would take me to see fireworks . I guess you will be happily partying with your friends that night. Why haven't you come back? I am still waiting for you...

[Minadee]

Dear J

 

Hey baby, I saw you today, you made my heart race big time. You looked and smelled amazing, it took all my resistance to not jump on you and kiss you. We had to drive to the hospital today, you were happy to oblige despite the heavy traffic and flooding. You stood by me as I had my blood taken, wiped my tears when I cried and stroked my knuckles as I flinched. You carried my bags out of the hospital and treated me to lunch. Are those gestures of good will or do you miss me? We laughed and joked in the car like we always did. I don't know what you are thinking, do you think about her when i'm with you? Does she make you laugh like I do? Sing along to the music like we do? My heart breaks when I think about you seeing her. I really wish she would go away, i'm sure if she wasnt in the picture we could work this out. I hate that the worst is yet to come regarding the final decision on whether to get a termination or not, I forsee a lot of tears and sadness. I would go through it all just to be with you and for you to hold my hand. All of it. I love you more than words can say, you utterly beautiful boy.

 

All my love J, all of it, for now and always.

Please come home to me one day.

[billythefish]

nearly 1 & a half years since you dumped me & i still have to see you & have to speak to you at work.......god you`re a miserable cow.

 

i wish you would just bugger off & find a new job & leave us all alone

 

maybe your miserable cos you realise i am fantastic,great,handsome,sexy & just bloody brilliant.....your loss...

[not-a-drive-by]

I haven't had the urge to contact you for a while, but it' all coming back today. I want to have a chat with you. But you are probably at a music festival today...if I were to text you, what would I say? Would you even reply? I think I a losing my patience waiting for that one text from you. Maybe the desire to reconnect with you today is because one my of HS friends is getting married today. I imagined a life with you. But you are no longer here by my side. I miss you, H. Are you coming back?

[cloudatlas]

It's just the fact that you helped change my life. You were so kind. Then you were so cruel. And then my life reversed itself into normal. Also, I miss you. I miss the fun. I miss it when we were able to joke and hang out and for me to be so self-centered and grounded and sure - but you made me dis-balanced. You didn't end up helping me at all. Then again, I suppose I didn't help much, but how hard was it to spend some time with me? I lived with you, that didn't give you an excuse.

[Own Worst Enemy]

If you want to end it for good, and we both know that's inevitable, just turn the knife. Stop sticking it in slowly like you have done this week by dropping from 10-15 texts a day to 2-3 or nothing on some days.

[msfreebyme]

Ugh I had that temptation to unblock you on facebook to see how you are doing. It took a lot of contemplating but I just said no. I looked around the web to see all of the pain and suffering and waiting for one story to just knock me out of this idea. Here's what I am doing now to try and get rid of this stupid temptation. Delete my Facebook account. I'm tired and done with the thought of you ruining me.

[Gottabestrong]

I miss you. I love you. I would give anything to turn time back by two days and not say those things I said. Even though they were honest.

 

I guess at this point I am willing to accept the scrubs of your affection, just to have you in my life. That makes me feel so pathetic, but I don't seem to have the strength to walk away from you with my head held high.

 

I don't understand why this is hitting me so hard, we only were together for a few months. When my ex of 3 years, whom I still consider the love of my life, left me, I was able to not beg, plead or cry and even managed to completely go NC after a short time. Why can't I do that with you?

 

What is so special about a guy, who doesn't love me enough to send me more than 3 superficial texts per day and has no apparent desire to see me again? You are no good for me, I need to stay away from you and heal. I know that. My head knows that. Why does my heart refuse to see the truth?

 

I have not seen you in two months and barely heard from you in the last 4 weeks or so, I should be used to not having you in my life by now. Does it really matter so much to have someone somewhere out there who supposedly loves you? Even if he never shows you his feelings or you get to see him?

 

This sucks, I deserve more than that. I want more than that. I was a great girlfriend, but apparently that is not what you want. I remember what you told me about your exes, how they cheated on you, stole from you and even hurt you physically. But you still stayed with them for years until they dumped you. Why am I getting dumped after a few months just because I tell you I need more love and affection from you? That sucks!

[not-a-drive-by]

I miss you, H.

[cloudatlas]

Okay. I know it's not you. You just changed my life. Now I need to do that myself without relying on someone to come help me, to be there.

 

But sometimes you were so kind. I'm so scared to become close to a person. I'm so scared of hanging out with friends every once in a while knowing that things haven't changed when I come back home and it's not to you, or to anyone worth coming home too. I'm just so scared, I don't know how to do that. I want to contact you because even speaking with you will be this extraordinary difference, because we'll be able to be good again. I relied too much on you and then I was so scared and I needed you to be there and then you weren't and I get it. I get how emotions leave and people run and hide and I understand that you did the same thing and so did I and hello humanity aren't we all just a perfect mess? I get how you care about someone and then just leave because we all run and run away but I'm scared, I'm scared of things never changing, of panic, of that I wish I just relaxed and didn't care as much. I just hope one day we'll be alright, because I loved you so much but I'm not so bitter anymore. I'm not even sad. I'm just scared of all the new things that are out there, and of having no one to lean against. I was able to handle everything and do everything if I knew you'd be there when I go to sleep. I wish that was enough for me, that bit of strength and assurance and I was so happy, just coming home to something I wanted.

 

My own fear overrides my own strength any-day. But I'm trying so hard to focus on my goal. It's a good one. I hope it can override the stupid panic that I have right now. I just want you to be here.

[CopingGal]

Ugh I had that temptation to unblock you on facebook to see how you are doing. It took a lot of contemplating but I just said no. I looked around the web to see all of the pain and suffering and waiting for one story to just knock me out of this idea. Here's what I am doing now to try and get rid of this stupid temptation. Delete my Facebook account. I'm tired and done with the thought of you ruining me.

 

 

Seriously, that's the best thing to do. Good luck.

[msfreebyme]

So ex,

My moment of weakness did arrive and I peeked at your page. You have a new girlfriend...congratulations =). Yea surprisingly after realizing everything and completely shutting down my facebook again. The idea of you with a girl doesn't bother me too much. In fact I find it to be a celebration. You are not my problem =). Of course as you are my first love I will always care for you as I should. But I feel inside I am ready myself for when the time comes to date again. =)

YAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!

[nothingleft]

I still love you, and I would take you back in a heartbeat if only you would ask. I am already dead without you.

[Gottabestrong]

Hi babe, I miss you. How have you been these last few days? It feels so strange and sad to wake up and not have a message from you. I keep checking my phone and emails and keep looking for a message that never comes.

 

I miss talking to you and telling you about my day. I miss hearing you tell me that you love me, I miss telling you that I love you.

 

I hope you are doing alright. I hope you still miss and love me, but I also hope that you are not feeling too bad. Don't worry about me, I will be okay. But please don't be a stranger and write to me again. I will not chase after you and if you need to be free of me, I will leave you alone. But if you miss me and want me in your life, I am here.

 

I still love you,

xoxoxo

[Minadee]

Dear J

 

You got mad at me yesterday, really mad, i broke down in one of my lectures and finally told my teacher what was going on. It was such a giant relief having someone else know what I am going through. I cried and I cried and she referred me to a councillor. I have my first appointment this morning. I am struggling more and more although the urge to go on your social network sites are slowly subsiding, because I know I wont be able to tolerate what you are saying and what you are doing with this new girl, because it will literally kill me.

 

I've started having minor panic attacks out in public too, my hand coils up automatically, because you could always tell when I was struggling and you'd take my hand and hold it tightly. But you are not there anymore. I dont have a hand to hold when I struggle. Is that my fault?

 

I looked at the scrapbook you made me last night. What happened to that guy J? The one who wrote me songs, poems, spent all night cutting out photos of us just to suprise me with when I woke up? I was thinking of when we were lying side by said and you looked at me and said "marry me" and it was just the cutest thing in the world. We were young back then but do feelings like that change? You told me I was the love of your life, that even if I wanted someone else you'd work through it and prove yourself to me, but you gave up at the final hurdle. Did I make you hate me so much that I drove you into the arms of another girl? I am trying not to dwell. I relapsed yesterday and texted you, you got mad and said that you were busy and I should stop being so dramatic. Am I being dramatic? You were always so laid back and I wasn't. We really were opposites but that never mattered, did it? I wont contact you now, It's going to be hard not laughing and joking with you but it's for the best, I want you to miss me, not be mad at me and think of me as some burden.

 

I still love you, i think I always will.

xxxx

Edited November 27, 2012 by Minadee

[Buns]

Je t'aime, je ferai tout pour toi...comme toi avant.. Je sais que je n'ai pas été parfaite, mais j'ai essayé à la fin, de vraiment arranger les choses, tout le mal que je t'ai fait. Mais c'était trop tard, j'aurai aimé que tu me laisses une dernière chance. Que tu soit honnete envers moi. Mais maintenant c'est comme si tu me détestais. J'en ai fait des conneries, mais je ne crois pas que je mérite ce que tu me fais vivre aujourd'hui. Je t'aime.

 

 

 

Sorry, have to write in french or it won't sound right for me.