Post here instead of contacting your ex!

[nba321]

I've been more of a reader on LS than a poster, but I appreciate everyone's advice--even in the threads that aren't mine so thank you guys. Someone said to always post here instead of messaging the ex so I think thats what I'll do. It's a letter with things that I wish I said earlier but did not get the chance to. I'm doing A LOT better than I was when everything happened, which feels great.

 

Hey there,

 

There have been some things I wanted to say but never got the chance to say while my head was clouded from everything that happened. It’s very hard to think rationally when your emotions are flying around in every direction but I have gained a lot of clarity since. I do still sometimes think about you, but not in the way that I used to. I tried to remain friends with you like you said you wanted but you just ignored me, which I am pretty appreciative of now. I truly believe it was destined for you and I to meet and go through everything that we did. You taught me a lot about people and life in general. You taught me to not judge someone by their words but by their actions. That trust is not to be given out but earned. You taught me that real friends stand by you in your darkest times, not just when everything is going well. You taught me if someone can so easily walk out of your life then let them because in the end its their loss. You taught me a lot of other things but the main thing you taught me is that everything that happened between us is not a reflection of my character but your character. I did not give up and the fact that you cheated on a person who was willing to do anything for you and continued to trust you despite everything, really just shows that you cheated yourself out of true friend. Your still pretty immature/young (I don’t know what the word is) but trust me, when you leave school, you won’t stay in contact with over 80% of the people you met there, and only then will you understand the concept of a true friend. People come and go in your life, but you should really appreciate the one’s who stay and are willing to work through anything and everything with you.

 

I’m honestly not bitter about what you did anymore. I did my best, I always tried to avoid drama and resolve everything right away but you thrive on drama and that’s just not me. My life is a drama free zone I don’t have time for that ****. I’ve learned that through your darkest times you learn the most about yourself. And let me tell you, they were ****ing dark, darker than you will ever know. But I’ve learned that I’m a ****ing catch and that other girls actually value and respect me and chase me. I’ve discovered my purpose and I’m not gonna let some little high school, immature **** get in the way of that anymore. I might miss the good times we had/could of had but its your ****ing loss. You once told me you feared that I would forget you. I will never forget you because of these invaluable life lessons you’ve taught me. I am so much wiser for meeting you and I appreciate everything even though it was all ****ed up and could have been avoided. I don’t care anymore though. In a couple months, a year, two years from now, none of this **** will even matter. I have big plans and I am excited. I always tried to make you happy but now all I have to worry about is making myself happy and thats the best feeling. Waking up, doing what I want, when I want, with who I want, and not having to worry about any crazy bull**** drama makes life so much more fulfilling. Funny thing is, I used to be that way until I met you. Anyway, have fun, have a good life, do well in school. I don’t know if our paths will ever cross again which was something that really scared me, but I don’t really care anymore. If they do they do, if they don’t they don’t. Like I said, you walking out, running from everything, thats your ****ing loss. I never treated you poorly so why would I ever give someone the time of day if they don't want to be in my life?

 

The last thing I’ll say is I encourage you to appreciate the meaningful things in life. I don’t know if you and your guy are still together, but if you are don’t fight with him, no one wants to deal with that bull****. Appreciate your friends. Trust people, be HONEST with people, and treat people like they mean something to you. You used to be that kinda person which is what attracted me towards you.

 

Mahalo

[fireflywy]

So angry at you today. It eats up inside knowing that you are already with someone else and I KNOW you are giving him more respect then you ever showed me. I don't know if you're doing it because you so DESPERATELY want to move on and appear to yourself, and all of your friends how EASY it is for you get a guy. You were always so full of yourself, and as much as you always denied it, you were always about appearances. Hell, you even once thought of getting a surrogate woman to carry your child because you were worried about your career and your attractive body.

 

I know I shouldn't say that I hope you have relationship misery as I know that it will probably fall back on me, but somedays I hope you cry as much as I do, feel the way I do, and when you do, I hope you have a flicker of a memory and think about how I felt.

 

I know you never will. I know that because you never cared. If you had cared, I wouldn't have left and have you leave me when I thought I had made a mistake.

Edited April 20, 2015 by fireflywy

[Elias33]

Too late... I just did contect my ex. I did so good for months. Just the drinks talking I guess, don't judge. I rarely drink. Damn you social media! That's all.

[SLee]

[Pissed off first]

 

Hey H,

 

I take responsibility for everything I did. I've told you that. I've told you that a MILLION times. But what about you? YOU'RE the one who pulled away from me. YOU'RE the one who threw 3.5 years away in a matter of months. YOU'RE the one who texted my best friend of 10 years BEHIND MY BACK after I asked you not to for "emotional support".

 

Do I want to move out? No. Do I want to kiss and make up? Yes. I think you know that. But for god's sake you will NEVER be happy with ANYONE unless you take responsibility for your emotions and actions! You're insecure and emotionally immature. YOU didn't grow up during the relationship. YOU didn't handle arguments like an adult. You just had to WIN WIN WIN all the time. It's pathetic.

 

Oh, you want to "help" me by getting through this break up? YOU CAN'T. Unless you want to be with me. You blame your, now very fleeting, feelings, but the truth is YOU gave up. YOU were mean, manipulative, and controlling. And the second I brought that up to you because it wasn't exactly what you wanted when you wanted it, you GAVE UP. Remember how you said you loved me forever? How you'd NEVER leave? HA! What a freaking laugh. The very SECOND things got too real, you LEFT. YOU did. Not me.

 

You're so emotionally immature, and you don't know what you're losing. I think you will regret it. Maybe you won't. YOU pushed all your friends away, when I told you that you shouldn't. YOU pushed away your family, when I told you that they loved you and you should contact them. YOU pushed everyone away. YOU dug yourself in this hole and you dare say you did it in my name? NO. You're an adult. YOU did it. That had NOTHING to do with me.

 

And now, you wanna give everything up. You want to throw everything we had because it's hard. You SAY you forgive me, but you don't. Not a wit. You bring it up ALL THE TIME. What about me? I've forgiven you. I've never brought it up once. I never attacked you with your own mistakes. I never used it as a shield to hide behind. You still are. Don't say you've forgiven me when you haven't.

 

GROW UP. Take care of yourself. Get your life in order. Then remember what you gave up on.

[SLee]

Dear H,

 

I love you. I still do. After all the things you've done. After everything you've done recently. I love you. With all that I am. When you were in the hospital two months ago, who made sure you were still breathing until the paramedics came? Who kept you on your side? Me. I called your family. I held your hand. I took care of you for 3 days. Because I love you.

 

I wanted to marry you, build a life. We have so much together. We shared our lives with each other. We held each other. Drove each other's fears away. We saw each other across a crowded room (isn't it funny how awfully cliche that sounds?) and we both KNEW. Never have we felt that before.

 

And the minute it became to much. The minute I imploded, you began to pull away. I know I hurt you. Don't think for a second I am not filled with agonizing guilt every day over what I did to you. How it rips holes in my soul every time.

 

I wore your sweaters. You wore the scarf I made. You wear the cologne I got you. The watch I bought you is still on your wrist...

 

You are everything I prayed for. Kind, gentle, devoted, loyal, caring, handsome, intelligent, silly, and fun. I was that for you too. And it breaks my heart every day how you're so willing to throw me away.

 

I will give you what you need. You need to work on yourself. You need to be away from me. I understand. I gave myself sometime. I still came back. I can only hang by a thread now. I hope you will come back to me. All you have to do is say the word.

 

One last shot, for whatever outcome. No more petty crap, no more BS, none of it. It's dead and buried. I take my mistakes on my soul. I love you. I adore you. But because I love you. i will give you space. I will take care of myself, because I need to love me too.

 

Please, for love, do come back. Do not be so eager to give up. You're the only one. You're everything. Give me a chance someday. Just say the word.

[Throldur]

L,

 

You should have been there tonight. You watched almost my entire season and I did everything I could to ensure that I would win the championship this year because I wanted to celebrate it with you. Instead, you made the two worst decisions of your life, you left me, you left your home and you're gone. You abandoned everything good in your life and you don't even know it yet.

 

There are only a few things left in my life that I want to experience now that I have this off my list. I want to get married, I want to have kids and I want to watch the Montreal Canadiens win the Stanley Cup with my family. I've accomplished so many great things on my own despite odds being stacked against me. Truth be told, the thing I was most proud of, was you. This beautiful girl that I could love and loved me too. That is why it was so important for me to win this championship. I wanted to share one of the greatest achievements of my life with the girl I wanted to spend my life with. You chose lies, a fantasy, you abandoned everything you had that made your life great because you think the grass is greener somewhere else. The problem is the grass isn't greener and when you realize this, you will realize that you have nothing.. All in two months you threw away a man who loved you more than any many has loved and will love you, you threw away a gorgeous kitten that comprised our family before we made children together, you threw away my family that loved and supported you like a member of its own, then you threw away your family, a breast cancer surviving mother, you threw away a good full time job and your own place. When you return from your hiatus.. you will realize just how much you bankrupted your own life.

 

The thing is, L, I'm an amazing guy. Look what I've done. Someone is going to see that. If you don't learn your lessons and realize your mistakes in time, you may never get a chance to reconcile with me. You may end up regretting everything so much more when reality finally sets in. I would feel bad for you, but I can't, you were the one who chose to run away. I never ran. I might have been scared, delayed, been a bit too immature, made some mistakes.. but I'm human. I never made a big mistake and the only mistakes I made were things that I thought would HELP us in the long run, not hurt us. I wish I could change some of the things I said or did, but I will not apologize for doing the things I thought would make us last forever. That's what we wanted. You gave up on forever, not I, so you can live with that guilt. We could have thrived, fixed it all, been better than ever but you wanted to throw it all away for nothing and now you can wake up in his stupid place, with his stupid dogs, and realize all he and your friends fed you were lies. You had everything right in front of your face.. but you're like Dorothy and you can't see what's right there.. I hope you figure out that 'freedom is all about missing you' before the chain is on my door. Otherwise I'll feel bad for you but I won't apologize for moving on if you can't see your mistake early enough.

 

I'm leaving you there. We will see what happens. But I won't allow you to consume my thoughts any longer. You will have some brief appearances and I will vent here once in awhile.. We will see what happens, what our future holds, if we ever even see or talk to each other again. I don't want to live with regrets and I know you don't. But you will, if you don't rectify your mistakes soon.. someone is going to see me for the incredible person I am and all the love I have to give, they'll be glad you ****ed up..

 

For now, goodbye, L, you're frozen in time and we'll see if you unthaw. I'm a champion right now. I feel great. You enjoy faking to love the dogs that you have to live with. Checking your phone to see how the Habs are doing because I know you still love me. Just waiting for that hallucination to end.

[RoseHeart]

Another week that starts off without you. Which means another week of not going out on a date with you, not sleeping over at you, not cuddling with you and most importantly not being a part of your life anymore. I hope you are happy and that everything is going well. You are not a bad person. You're actually really amazing and that was what made this whole thing a lot harder because i know you were honest throughout the time I knew you. I wish you were terrible and mean to me... at least that way I would feel better for letting go. In a way I guess you are terrible just because you kind of led me on there and didn't really want to get your life sorted out to be with me. I never understood that. I don't get that if you truly liked me so much why you couldn't just be with me. You are such a complex person... but yet on the other end you're this easy going, chilled guy. But in your mind I think you are a bit crazy.. that's just my opinion But yeah anyways I'm challenging myself to really let go of you this week. I have erased all your pictures except one (I can't stand to delete it...) and I will NOT online peek at your life. That is my challenge and I'm going to stick with it because I know that each day will mean I get stronger and stronger. I am convinced to move on. I am dedicated to move on. I WILL move on with my life and forget you. You'll be no different than the guys I used to date that I have moved on from. Back then I used to think it was impossible too... well it's not

[Jake87]

In my teenage years I taught myself very effectively to be disconnected of my feelings, I was a rebel and did not care about anything. Nevertheless I had plenty of friends and a couple girlfriends. In these relationships I was never able to open up fully, until my last ex.

 

 

 

Once I finished my bachelor degree we had been living in the same house for 9 months, at the time I was not able to fully open up to her. After going to France for a week with some friends I came back home and she broke up with me. For me this seemed to come out of nowhere, but she had thought about it for a while.

 

 

 

This was my first real heartbreak, I did not know I had such strong feelings for her. Of course “you don’t know what you have till it’s gone”. A couple weeks after she was hooking up with her ex, while we still lived in the same house. I was devastated after she broke up with me, I did not see the point in living. I loved her so much more after our relationship ended. Yet, I found a job in telesales and had a couple girlfriends over the span of a couple months, I was not able to connect to any of them. I loved my ex.

 

 

After a party of another house mate me and my ex hooked up in the summer. We both were drunk, and I never expected this to happen. The sex was good and we hooked up more often, by then we started hanging out more and doing fun things together. I had to smile every time I received a text of her, and she was always on my mind. In the meantime I changed jobs to another telesales job which I really hated.

 

 

During the end of the summer she told me I was not made for her, It hurt but I kind of accepted it because we still saw each other and kept having sex. After she told me this I planned to quit my job in November and go travelling the end of the year.

 

 

 

Once I booked my trip we got really close to each other, we hung out nearly every day. The last couple months we had the best sex I ever had, I finally could open up and talk about things that were on my mind. This felt so good. A couple weeks before I left she told me how much she is going to miss me, I told her I loved her (she did not answer). We agreed it felt good and wanted to see how things would develop, after a month in my trip we skyped and she told me I should not take her into consideration. It hurt.

But I hooked up with two different girls on the very same night, once I got back of my travels I saw her the day after I got back. I did not intend to have sex with her, but we did, it seemed to be on her initiative. It was great I stayed in her room the whole weekend. Then she told me on Monday we should stop seeing each other. I agreed, but the weekend after we hooked up again. A friend who stayed in my room for the time I was travelling moved out. And I moved back in.

 

 

We did not have any more sex, and the moment I moved back in I started to fall in love with her again. I had trouble finding work and spent a lot of time in the house, after two weeks I started to wake up 4 in the morning crying. I had to talk with her, I had a feeling something was up. And she told me she met someone else. I decided to move out as fast as I could.

 

 

Now I am unemployed, heartbroken and live with my parents. I feel bad every second, and even worse when I’m alone. I have the feeling I have no one to truly talk to but my ex. I am in a real negative downward spiral at the moment… needed to get this of my chest, thanks.

[YawningAcorn]

c,

 

I'm so sorry, i wish i wasn't so f**ked up. i wish i was a better person for you and i wish we could still be together. its only been a few days since we stopped talking properly and only just over a week since you told me you couldn't do it, but i miss you so much... i miss everything we used to do together, from the hugs and kisses all the way to just cooking for each other or watching tv on the sofa. i love you so much and i wish that was enough. i'm really trying hard to give you your distance but its so hard when i know you're not feeling the same way as me, all i want to do is beg you for another chance and i can make you happy again... we didn't have enough time, everything was perfect till i ruined it. i never cheated, i cant even look at other women like that. i don't want anyone else and i don't think i ever will...

 

i love you so much, please call me, tell me we can try again and work this out... xxxxx

[TunaCat]

It's officially been a month since you pulled the rug out from under me.

 

C,

 

I miss you. I miss you so much that it actually physically hurts me. We've been in each others lives since we were kids and we haven't gone without speaking this long in a very long time. We were best friends up until a month ago. Not only did I lose the man I loved, I also lost my best friend.

 

I wish you could have waited for me. I was so close to being ready for marriage. In fact the day of the breakup, I had been looking for ways to show you that I was totally, 100% committed to us and the future we wanted to build together. I was terrified to do that, but I trusted you. I believed that you would never purposefully hurt me.

 

How could you just out of the blue decide that you didn't want to wait, that you wanted to date other people? Why didn't you talk to me about how you were feeling? You told me that communication was extremely important to you and I felt the same way.

 

I think the thing that hurts the most is remembering the things you used to tell me, and wondering if you were lying to me. You used to tell me that you didn't want to be with anyone else and that I was the only one you wanted to marry. We even talked about engraving forever and always onto our wedding bands.

 

I know you're with someone else now, and even though you and I aren't talking, I want you to know that I'm happy for you. If I wasn't the one you wanted to be with, then I hope she makes you happy. Am I hurt that you jumped into a relationship with someone so soon? Yeah, I am. You'll never hear about me ranting about it though because I am a classy woman.

 

All that said, I wish you'd come back to me.

 

I love you and I miss you. I really wish we could work things out, but it doesn't look like that's gonna happen.

 

I hope you're happy.

[YawningAcorn]

C,

 

I had a dream about you last night again. It wasn't like the old ones I used to get where you suddenly disappeared, and I'd wake up with a start and immediately look for you next to me. No, this one was that you came back to me, and we moved on together... Honestly, best dream I've ever had... Until I woke up I woke up and, half asleep, rolled over to cuddle you next to me, only to find that you're not there after all. I don't know why my mind plays tricks on me like that, it only serves to make me feel more lonely and I feel really down and just want to talk to you today.

 

I'm going to try not to dwell on it too much. I really can't wait till all this pain goes away and I can talk to you freely again, I really miss my best friend...

[ASV]

Yesterday our favourite TV show broadcasted new episodes. The first ones we wouldn't comment together. Even after our BU you texted me something in the lines of "I hope you're watching it". Yesterday it was the BU's 4th month anniversary. I sincerely think you didn't even know it. In fact, I guess you thought of me when the TV show started, but not as I did, with a sad tone of melancholy - rather with a sense of relief. I'm not your burden anymore. I've ran out of hopes that you'll ever come back for a second chance, and this means a nail in my coffin, for I'm unable to find a valid substitute for you. Last Saturday I made out with that new girl and her friend texted me later that she felt like I was crumbling down some moments after. I actually was. Back at the hedonistic fields, that I can only assume you're enjoying while I'm suffering.

 

I really want our paths to cross again for a new project together.

[jalapeno86]

I miss you. Please take me back. I'm so sorry. Why do you hate me? I should've never texted you. I should've never even met you. It was a waste of an entire year. You made me hate you. You put me down. You left me. You used me. You acted like you were my best friend. And now you disappear. Why are you doing this to me? You should've have never opened up your life to me if you knew you could just kick me out. I hate you.

[TunaCat]

I'm strong. I can do this. I can continue NC.

 

I miss you horribly, but I'm getting better. Being without you sucks, but I can do this.

 

I am stubborn, hard-headed and I refuse to break NC.

 

I do want to be friends again at some point because we've been incredibly close since we were kids. I think I miss the friendship more than the relationship.

 

I won't break NC. I won't "wait" for you to break NC.

 

This is the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I am a strong, confident AWESOME woman.

[na49]

Hey babe, just wanted to congratulate you on your newest boyfriend (your second boyfriend since leaving me 2 months ago) I wanted to remind you to please send me an invitation to the wedding. (but not the divorce)

[AIJ]

Hey babe, just wanted to congratulate you on your newest boyfriend (your second boyfriend since leaving me 2 months ago) I wanted to remind you to please send me an invitation to the wedding. (but not the divorce)

 

She's with someone new, again, already? Damn you really dodged a bullet here buddy!

[zoroste]

I can't handle this. Eventho I know we have no future together I miss you so much. All day I thought about you and the things we did together. I miss you calling me when you get out of work. I miss everything. But it won't work. I love you... I wanna call you and speak 4 hours with you like we used to. But... I don't know, I'm so down right now. I hope you're ok.

[jalapeno86]

Why did you leave me? Why are you emailing me? I sent you a 100 texts begging you back, I showed up at your door. You hate me. You told me to **** off. You probably ****ed some other dude. Why are you emailing me that you wanna talk about things after time. Why in the email did you say you miss me, and you're hurting too? This is all your ****ing doing, you *******. You wouldn't be sad, or hurting, or alone, if you weren't such a bitch. You talked about how you wanted space to fix your life. Well **** you. Your life sucks. I'm gonna study hard today, I'm gonna get my A's, I'm gonna take a new girl to your favorite bar. I don't give a **** anymore.

[TunaCat]

It's been 30 days since the breakup.

 

30 days since we started NC.

 

I never begged, I handled the breakup calmly even though my heart was breaking.

 

I miss you, I love you.

 

I won't sabotage the relationship you have going on now because I'm better than that and despite how much my heart still hurts, I want you to be happy.

 

I won't lie, if you reached out to me right now, I'd probably take you back. So I'm glad you're blocked on all avenues.

[RoseHeart]

I saw you yesterday for the first time on campus since we ended.

 

I must admit... it was really hurtful. Especially because you walked right past me in the computer area and didn't say hello. I guess you were sitting somewhere behind me so when you got up to collect your things I'm 95% sure you must have seen me from behind. I'm not that difficult to spot. We weren't many people in there either. You must have likely had to see me when I came in as well to grab my seat. Either way...

 

Then the worst was when I was out having fun last night and saw you. I don't think you saw me. You seemed "off". You had no smile on your face... you weren't dancing.. laughing the way we did a few weeks back when we were there. I'm not trying to imply anything .. it's just that I felt kinda sorry for you for the first time ever. I guess at that point I realized how tough life must be for you right now and I feel slightly guilty for letting you go but at the end I comfort myself in remembering the conversation we had a while ago where you made it clear that you can't really be with someone right now and can't promise me more than what we were (what were we anyway? ) ... so no I shouldn't have to feel guilty for walking away from someone who doesn't even know what they want and who made it clear how much they need to focus on their studies... addictions... issues... I felt like I Wasn't wanted by you and as pointed out by someone on here you let go of me pretty easily and didn't even fight for me 3 weeks ago when I said I can't do this anymore.

 

I'm confused about everything all over again since seeing you and it kills me to think that you might have a impression that I am angry with you when I'm not. I thought I made that clear when I sent you the last text. But yet you are ignoring me now and it's so unlike you. I Wonder what you are thinking and if you missed me last night...

[Zetec]

Just went through my phone, and decided to delete every photograph of you/us together. I should had done it earlier, but they got hidden at the bottom of the list with other old pictures so I haven't seen them since we split up. I just wish I could have shared them with you one last time. That photo of us, sat cuddled on the sofa in our new flat, both smiling and looking so happy (It makes me cry just thinking about it) That was the hardest one for me to delete - because there was so much happiness and love in that photo.

 

I miss you L, I miss you with all my heart. You were beautiful, kind and loving. I regret how I treated you, and being such a rubbish boyfriend. If I could go back in time and change how I acted I would.

 

I'm just so, so sorry. I must have made you so unhappy.

 

I hate myself

[jalapeno86]

I thought it would be hard when we broke up. But since you weren’t around anymore, I didn’t have to be your support, friend, or shoulder to lean on. Instead, I did it all that for me. Specifically, I knew I had to work on being defensive. When you left, it’s all I focused on. It was like learning a new language. So, I want to say thank you for showing me why I never had a relationship work out.

[love1336x]

I am reading my old messages here.

I find I am very dramatic to say the least.

I'm a forever roller coaster.

Going up and down, up and down.

Swirling and twisting along the way.

I am not obsessed about you.

I don't miss you.

I don't love you.

I feel nothing.

I feel numb.

I don't feel regret.

I don't feel you was ever important to me.

You're were an attachment I made.

I couldn't let you go.

Now, I don't care.

 

 

You don't ever cross my mind

expect for Sundays with Games of Thrones.

It's the only good thing we shared together.

everything else was pretty much crap.

I don't watch it because it will make me miss you.

I don't watch it because it makes her feel some type of way.

I know she will tell me, "I Don't Give a F*ck if you watch it"

But, ehh. You're in the past, dead to my heart and pretty much mind.

I'll let you rest where you should be resting.

Good bye my bad obsession.

[TunaCat]

C,

 

I think I figured out a big reason that I'm feeling so angry with you. I trusted you. You said that you loved me and wanted to be with me forever. You promised not to push me for a major commitment. You promised that I'd be the one you married. You said all these lovely things to me and while I didn't always believe them, I did come to believe them and I trusted you completely with my heart.

 

You know I have trust issues when it comes to men. My bio dad picked drugs & alcohol over me. My ex stepdad was abusive to Mom and me. The only guy outside of my uncle and teen brother, that I always trusted, was you.

 

You broke that trust. Even if we were to get back together and repair the relationship, how could I ever trust you again?

[bluealone]

Friday night alone while he is happy dating his new gf. is our 6 years nothing to him? Y is it so easy for him to fall for another girl, just after 3 weeks of break up? I feel unfair...Did he ever love me before?