Post here instead of contacting your ex!

[Calidude6]

Maybe dating down makes her feel better about herself versus dating someone who has their **** together. Who knows why! All of us want to know why. But there is a reason in their head. Whether they want to disclose it or not.

 

Do not contact her.

 

I won't contact her. I tried after the break up and told her what I wanted in life she picked him. It's her so called "best friend". I never thought any of it because he didn't seem like her type. Don't want to be cocky but I'm further in life in every way than he is and he looks like Paul wall lmao wtf she's too beautiful for him and she is doing something with her life. I just don't get why you leave for that. Oh well

 

Not going to talk to her. Her loss!

[Oregon_Dude]

Dear Oregon Dude,

 

I hear you're frustrated you haven't heard from me, and that you want some kind of "closure". I'm writing today to hopefully explain to you my thought process in breaking up. I know it might not make sense you to, but I figured I'd at least try, since you seem so set on figuring out why we couldn't be together anymore.

 

During our last week together, something changed in me, and I realized with sadness that I no longer loved you or felt attracted to you. This caused me to feel guilty, especially after all the ways you helped me in moving down here. I did a lot of thinking and was almost hoping my feelings would change back, but they didn't. I had no choice to be honest with myself. I know that you could feel me pulling away - and I do apologize for that - but I still wasn't sure how I felt, and needed time to process my feelings.

 

When I came to your show it was because I wanted to see you one last time. I knew in my heart it would be the last time I saw you. This made me a little sad, but in a way it was my own "closure". My decision had been made at that point to end things; I just didn't know how to say it. I understand that you were hurt when I didn't contact you for the following few days. When you contacted me that Monday, I had decided I really did not want to be in a relationship right now. I have too many things going on, and life is too stressful. I can't add the stress of keeping you happy on top of that.

 

I hate to say this, but yes, there is someone else I have been talking to. I consider him to be more stable in his career than you, and happier in general. He is much more able to "handle me" and my ups and downs than you were. Things are going well with him.

 

I think you are a nice guy, and you deserve someone that makes you happy. Ultimately you and I were not compatible, as I told you during our last week together. You still have a lot of things to figure out in your life; at 31, I would expect someone to be in a clearer career path. However, congratulations on your sobriety. I am proud of you for that.

 

I wish you nothing but the best. Please let me know if/when you'd like to be friends.

 

Sincerely,

 

Washington Chick

[Oregon_Dude]

The above is a closure letter I wrote to myself. This is what she probably would say. I find it very helpful to read the "worst case scenario" type of thing that could hurt me.

[Ellie35]

The above is a closure letter I wrote to myself. This is what she probably would say. I find it very helpful to read the "worst case scenario" type of thing that could hurt me.

 

When I read your letter, I was hoping you didn't send it!!

 

Stay strong. Focus on yourself!!

[JFReyes]

Almost 2 years since we parted and I still think of you and dream of you often. It's not through choice, I've tried to get you out of my system.

 

I guess after 9 years with you, you'll always be a part of me. I matured while I was with you, perhaps more so now I no longer have you. I miss you so much sometimes. The dating I've tried always makes me wish I was sitting there with you. You aren't on a pedestal, I know your faults, but no one else as of yet comes close.

 

I wonder how things would of been if our hopes and dreams had worked out. I wish I was this new improved version of me that I am now when I was still with you.

 

Our stories are very similar so I understand it well. If I may suggest, whenever you meet someone new refrain from comparisons and evaluate the person on their own merits; you may be pleasantly surprised. Good luck.

[Maria92]

It has only been a bit over a week, so my emotions are still raw. I feel so confused - confused because I don't really know what I am feeling, because I'm feeling so many things at once.

 

 

One thing I do know is that you are a really, really messed up person. It is nothing more than cruel to toy with a person like they are an interesting play thing to you - but I already know that I was only an interesting play thing to you because you have no maturity and I excited you like the little boy you are. You are incapable of respecting people, you're incapable of being genuine, you're so facile.. you had to pretend to be nice with me so you could keep me coming to you. You have to pretend to everyone so you can keep up this image of "model citizen/officer of the law"... because you are hoping nobody will notice what a bloody mess you are underneath.

 

 

I figured it out pretty soon though, how fake you are, and I wish I hadn't put up with your crap for so long. You didn't want me to see who you really were, and believe me, I did. I told you as much and I'm glad I did, I'm glad I was the one who cut it off and I'm glad I got the final word. You are malignant and have been nothing but a toxic influence in my life - at least you have now been confronted with what a monumental tool you are and are having to live with the consequences of losing someone like me who has never been anything but good and patient with you. Who looks after themselves and is genuine and upfront. You also said I'm way too good for you, well, honey, you were right. You're just a little guy with a lot of issues.

 

 

You try and use your "front" to lure people in and make them think you are something you're not, and that you want something that you actually don't. You lied in order to make me think you were decent and wanted romance and commitment. Remember the poetry? the plans? The fawning over me? The utter BS lies? What you actually wanted was a girl to sleep with and then ditch - but I guess you'd given up finding someone stupid and I was in the wrong place at the wrong time. I guess I was "too good to be true" like you said I was - I got reeled into your pathetic game.

 

 

You think you're a player but the only thing missing is you don't actually get the girls, you just harass them and I'm pretty sure that girl on FB you've been trying to seduce for the last however many years thinks you're creepy as hell. The sad thing is you prey on her because she has low self esteem (you told me this)...you have been reduced to preying on vulnerable people because it makes you feel better about yourself. You are pathetic. You exploited me at a very vulnerable time in my life and for that, it is going to take a really long time to forgive you.

 

 

I hope you realise what you have lost. I don't know when that will be. I also hope you feel really, really, bad about yourself. You already basically came grovelling saying sorry, but it's way too late now. You're not sorry you hurt me, you're sorry you got caught. You will never have me back and I will never be your friend, you have never been any sort of friend to me. At least I've learned lessons though, and I will carry on learning them. The biggest lesson I've learned is, if it looks like a prick, and it talks like a prick, and it acts like a prick IT IS A PRICK. I hope you have fun living out the rest of your soulless existence and messing with peoples hearts - because this time, you got burned. You'd do well to learn some valuable lessons about your actions before you try to mess with some other persons head in order to make yourself feel better. Good riddance!

Edited September 1, 2015 by Maria92

[True Gent]

Our stories are very similar so I understand it well. If I may suggest, whenever you meet someone new refrain from comparisons and evaluate the person on their own merits; you may be pleasantly surprised. Good luck.

 

Thank you, I know exactly what you are saying. I have tried and I will try harder with that.

 

Most of my dating has been as a result of online dating and to be honest it sucks big time. It's so false and contrived.

 

I've tried joining clubs and groups but to no avail on the potential dating front so far. I won't give up, I just do miss the person I shared so much of my time with on a very deep personal level. I'm not sitting around crying over her, but I can't lie and say that there isn't still a piece of my heart with her name on it. I am not ashamed that I really loved her with all I had to give.

 

The process of healing after a long and committed relationship goes around in circles. I've been through the hate and the anger. I've just reached a point where I can say "Yeah we did go through a lot and I miss her, there has been no other person of such importance in my life so far."

 

I really do think that I'll always think of our good times together with a fondness for the rest of my life. I'll always miss that certain something we shared, unless I do find someone incredible who also thinks I'm incredible. My optimism on that front is waning a little.

[Oregon_Dude]

When I read your letter, I was hoping you didn't send it!!

 

Stay strong. Focus on yourself!!

Ellie, it was just an exercise in getting closure for myself. Of course I wouldn't send that to her. No need to talk to her anymore.

[Oregon_Dude]

I had a great phone conversation with this girl last night. She plays music and she speaks Spanish. Funny, you never had any real talent, now that I think about it. You didn't bring a whole lot to the discussion or to the table.

 

Anyway, it was flirty and flowed naturally. I'm going on a date with her tomorrow night. I can tell we're both pretty excited about it. She's pretty. Probably taller than me. Oh well. We agreed that even if we're not a romantic connection, we'll get together to collaborate on some music, speak some espanol.

 

There are better women than you out there. You're going to be replaced. Maybe not this year, but soon. Next year. Who knows. Next month. In any case, you're not looking so great right now. I'm hoping things go well tomorrow. But even if it's just a friendship, it'll be nice to meet someone who is way more into the same things as me, than you ever were.

 

You're right. We weren't compatible. You were it then, but you're not it anymore. I'm starting to understand how you feel about me. We both don't like each other anymore. Perfect. I could get used to this.

 

If and when you ever do come around, I'll be so far gone. I'm already getting there. Remember, you had a chance to make it right. You missed it. And I don't believe in second chances.

 

I hope you grow up. You're such a f*cking immature and selfish kid. Good luck dating out there. I think you will need it.

 

But I don't need it. I know who I am and what I offer. I offer everything. Only this time, I'm going to make doubly sure she deserves it. That I can trust her. That I'm not giving without getting.

 

Bye. It's not about you anymore. I'm done with you. I'm laughing at missing you. You don't deserve to be missed. Not with the way you run away.

[BriNyc82]

Today I don't feel sad. I actually feel relieved a little. I look back on the time we spent together and I thought it meant something to you but I never knew your intentions behind anything you did. I have come to realize it was all for your own selfish reasons. I can't believe I'm one of those girls who fell for an act. I'm so much smarter than that. I am more mad at myself for letting you affect me so much but I am forgiving myself slowly. I know if you could fool me, you can fool others too. I feel bad for the next victim. I really didn't know you at all. I look at the shell of a person you are and have no idea what is really inside of you. What really drives you to be the person you are. As much as you hurt me, I would still rather be me than someone who is capable of causing so much pain to someone and not giving a *****. Maybe you weren't hugged enough as a kid, who knows. You said your ex's friends sent you death threats. I thought your ex must have been crazy but I'm starting to think maybe she had a reason! Maybe YOU are the problem.

 

When I think of you I want to vomit in my mouth bc you aren't attractive to me at ALL anymore. Weird how you used to be so handsome inside and out. I couldn't get enough of your smiling face and it literally makes me want to throw up now (and P.S, get that lisp fixed). I have so many trips coming up, dates, events with friends, kicking butt in my new job and you will be studying for the third time to take an exam you have failed twice. You have no idea who you are. No one else will support you through these exams like I did. I know everyone says I dodged a bullet but when I think about it, reallllly think about it, I did. What would it have been like years down the road? How many times can I hear you talk about the same thing over and over again? You had little depth, little curiosity, no desire to travel or go outside your comfort zone and just wanted to eat, watch tv and have s-x like we were a freaking old married couple instead of living.

 

Today starts the first of many days where I actually don't miss you! Good riddens

[Maria92]

Now I am the one feeling pathetic. Funny how emotions can change in a day. This morning I felt somewhat empowered. But the afternoons and evenings are always hard as the night draws in.

 

 

I can't deny I am going to miss you, despite the fact that you have been a horrible person to me. I wanted so badly for you to want me. I don't know why, I think it is because I saw some romantic potential in you and I clung on and I will miss us cuddling, laughing with you, gaming. I did feel close to you when I could erase the bad things I knew you were doing out of my mind. But I can't be the fallback girl - I want to feel special, needed...and I want to feel like the attention I get from a person I care for is exclusive, so that I know my effort and trust is worth my while.

 

 

You said you cared deeply. It was a lie. I am torturing myself thinking about what else you did behind my back. I'm such a fool. Maybe you wanted me to be hurt. But being hurt yourself doesn't give you a right to hurt somebody else. Do you know that? Why did you refuse to have any self awareness? We could have had something good.. I worked so hard to make you see that, and I failed. You want your way. So now you have it - you are free and you are single (the irony is you have always been single in our relationship to others) ...and I hope you come to realise that losing me was a mistake. I gave this my all, please know that, and nobody else with any sense will try for you because you aren't worth the effort. This much pain for nothing. I am not important to you. You forgot my birthday, never got me gifts, never made me feel special. Maybe you didn't want to because you wanted the end to be easier as you knew I was just a game. Why tell me you love me then? Why tell me you cared so much? Lies.

 

 

I gave you so many chances you didn't deserve. I wanted so much more for us and you didn't see it - you are so self-absorbed you couldn't see what I was trying to do. I hate you and I love you. I'm in a lot of pain. I'm glad you won't see this. I feel desperate even writing this here.

[Chronotrgr]

So now you decide you love me and want me, this is the first time you've ever reached out to me, I should be over the moon and yet, I feel so empty inside, instead of feeling happy that you actually want me, I feel sadness because I know nothing will change if I go back to you, I'll still feel left out and I'll still be let down, there has been so many times that I've waited for you, been so exited to see you then at the last minute you tell me "I'm going to be late coming home" and then "I'm not coming home, I'm staying out tonight" you have no idea the extent of how that made me feel, I felt so disappointed, so let down, unimportant to you, not worth your time or your effort, it may all seem harmless enough but not feeling cared for, there for or spending quality time with you like we should really took it's toll, we were engaged and so many times you would yell me that we shouldn't be so full and when it broke my heart to step back for you, you told me we weren't close enough, I've wanted to believe so many times that this mindset of yours would change but it doesn't, it remains.

 

I can't fight anymore, my heart and soul have been grinded in to the concrete, I'm sure someone out there will come along and will make spending time with me a priority in her life, I'm certain of that and I have to believe that because I can't ever afford to allow myself to go back to you, I wanted only to feel of significance to you, but that's just not something I should have to ask for, that feeling should be there and should have always been there, but it wasn't and it isn't, it never will be.

 

I loved you with everything I had, I have tears streaming down my face right now, I can't take you back, please don't ask me again.

[JFReyes]

Most of my dating has been as a result of online dating and to be honest it sucks big time. It's so false and contrived.

I met my ex (10 year relationship, 2 years since BU) on OLD. I also met my current girlfriend a year ago through OLD as well. There ARE good people on OLD so perhaps you could use some coaching to fine tune your filters; I know I did both times.

 

I've tried joining clubs and groups but to no avail on the potential dating front so far. I won't give up, I just do miss the person I shared so much of my time with on a very deep personal level. I'm not sitting around crying over her, but I can't lie and say that there isn't still a piece of my heart with her name on it. I am not ashamed that I really loved her with all I had to give.

 

The process of healing after a long and committed relationship goes around in circles. I've been through the hate and the anger. I've just reached a point where I can say "Yeah we did go through a lot and I miss her, there has been no other person of such importance in my life so far."

 

In my experience this will keep on until you meet someone worthy, so be patient.

 

I really do think that I'll always think of our good times together with a fondness for the rest of my life. I'll always miss that certain something we shared, unless I do find someone incredible who also thinks I'm incredible. My optimism on that front is waning a little.

 

Those feelings may be there forever but when one moves on and meets someone worthy they become secondary thoughts. The present is what matters. Keep the faith.

[smellysocksuni]

Hello.

 

I know you. I know you're not happy in that relationship. All these fake protestations on social media of how happy you are, how this is the love of your life - give me a break! You've been together seven months. Get a grip. You've made a mistake in leaving me, and you know it. That's why you're still hooked on my social media pages. But guess what, I'm not even going to block you or respond to anything you do. I will never show you that you affect me, regardless of whether you do or not. The hell you put me through is something I will never forget, I will never get back with you. Everyone that's seen your partner's photo has said it's a downgrade. And you know it, too.

[Oregon_Dude]

The ex before you keeps contacting me. She messaged me months ago, apologizing for her behavior in the r/s, saying I deserve someone amazing by my side. Since I was dating you at the time, I thought of you. Thought, "yep, and I do have that someone amazing."

 

Well, you've since left me. And now of course my thoughts are with you. The ex-ex texted me again last night. She clearly still thinks of me. It's funny - at this time last year, I was still pining for her, messed up about her. Now when I hear from the ex-ex, I just feel sorry for her. Apparently she's done some soul-searching and regretted the way she left me. But I don't care anymore - have zero feelings or attraction for her.

 

So I know that I will feel this way about you. Just takes time. Hopefully it will only be only a month or two. But for now, you're still on my mind. Even though you suck. And that's OK. It's all part of the deal.

 

Whether I want to or not, I WILL get over you. And you're not the type to text me about your mistakes, apologizing. But the ex-ex is. Because she's a better person than you. And I was good to both of you. Just a shame that you only see it in hindsight, when it's far too late.

 

If/when you ever come calling, some new girl will have all of me.

 

Bye. Have fun with him.

[Calidude6]

I never wanted to lose my love for you but after you leaving me and not giving me or is a second chance because you left me for your so called trashy ugly best friend....you forced me to lose my love for you and it's pretty much all gone.

 

I will say this though, I still miss you. When I think of our good times and me being around you, I want to let out a good tear but my heart did all its crying and I can no longer force a tear anymore for you. My heart is moving in the right direction but I know I'll always have something for you. Our relationship was so good and I know I'll take some blame in my actions as I got complacent and lazy with us, I regret that. However, gives you know right to let another dude in our relationship. You should of never opened up the door for any other man but for me.

 

Honestly, I'm sure it will but I hope it backfires back in your face and you get the pain you made me feel that I didn't deserve. Hope you realize one day you made a mistake but then I hope you find your happiness. I still kind of hope we reconnect later in our lives, we were great best friends. I made some tiny mistakes that I have corrected and it's made me such a better person/bf that you're going to miss out on.

 

I love you and miss you but I'm no longer in the pain you gave me. I wish it didn't happen but it did. I can't find anyone that blows my mind away like you did but one day I will. I do miss my best friend and your family. At this point, I just miss all those things but I can find that with someone else.

 

Honestly, it's your loss but I'm sorry.

[GettingOverItDay2Day]

This time one month ago you were messaging me how much you loved me while arranging a date with him and holidays away....Why you said this to me I dont know and I guess only you ever will

 

You were a liar and the cheating made me realise that everything you said was a lie....everything!

 

Yes Im still hurting by I will get over this and meet someone better...I can only thank god I found out before we got married

Edited September 3, 2015 by GettingOverItDay2Day

[Oregon_Dude]

I accepted you. I really, fully accepted all of you. All of the little details, the problems. Your self-harming. Your depression and anxiety. Your crappy family. Because I had some of the same issues. SOME. I found out more every week. I remember when you told me you have Type 1 diabetes. This was huge for you. And I read about it and was supportive, I mean, of course I was, because it's just a part of you and not a big deal. And I loved you.

 

But you were so nervous to tell me everything. People had changed on you before once they realized the full extent of your problems. Oh, you have TMJ, migraines, diabetes, the whole 9. It seemed like a lot to deal with, and I remember knowing this was going to be a handful. And choosing to continue with you. Because I loved you.

 

Oh and how can I forget your OCD? Your gluten "allergy"? Your near-death experience with salmonella? What is it about how some people have all the bad luck? That was you. It follows you, right? Some people will do anything for attention and sympathy.

 

I saw all the good in you. But you were so much to handle. Do you think I couldn't handle you? Maybe you're right. Maybe I shouldn't have to. Maybe it shouldn't be so f*cking hard to keep someone happy.

 

They say you did me a favor. That I dodged a bullet. Then what is it about me that so desperately wants to get shot by you?

 

Who are you when you are not a collection of your symptoms? your circumstances? your past? You can't be both the victim and the perpetrator. I would have stuck around, you know. Because I loved you.

 

But how could I love someone I didn't really know? G*ddamn, honey, I loved when we had those conversations and couldn't tear our eyes away from the other's. I know, it was just infatuation. But it was also a love for your mind. A love for your love for me.

 

I really don't think I'll find that again.. not like this. If you were pretending, you pretended well. I don't think you'll find me again, either. I don't think you care. I don't think what you felt for me was real. That's up to you to decide.

 

I miss you, even though I shouldn't. The girl - GIRL - I miss doesn't exist. I don't think she ever did. But damn, you had me fooled. And being fooled felt so good.

 

Still thinking of you. Even though you really don't deserve it. And even though it may just be what us dumped do - somehow I know, I know, I know you miss me. Even if you don't know it.

 

You will never find another man like me. Maybe you don't care. OK.

 

As I used to say.. always with you.

[Oregon_Dude]

I don't want to be bitter. I don't want to be sad. I don't want to be angry. I don't want to wonder what I could have done. I don't want to live in the past. I don't want to wonder why you lost attraction for me, why you suddenly didn't love me. I don't want to resent you for the way you left things with me. I don't want to regret having dated you. I don't want to replay our best memories of us together, endlessly in my head. I don't want to obsess about what you're doing, why you never looked back, why you don't ever contact me. I don't want to obsess about if there is another guy. I don't want to feel insufficient. I don't want to feel confused, overwhelmed, scared, apprehensive. I don't want to look back on all my failed relationships and come to the conclusion that I'm simply unlovable long-term, and that I'm inherently flawed. I don't want to have negative opinions of women. I don't want to worry about the past or the future.

 

I want to be optimistic. I want to take it as it comes. I want to shrug off disappointments. I want to live in the moment. I want to believe in love. I want to laugh at things I take so seriously. I want to not take things personally. I want to create, to write, to read, to connect with art. I want to be a better man. I want to be a man. I want to remain steady in the face of life. I want to be a role model. I want to feel "enough". I want to know that I am 100% OK as I am now. I want to be confident, funny, easygoing, open-minded. I want to feel attracted and I want to attract. I want to be alone and not feel lonely. I want to bring people into my life who enhance me. I want to enhance other people.

 

I want to be happy.

[Chronotrgr]

Having to go the hospital today gave me painful reminders, I'd been to the hospital a good number of times while knowing you, never once did you come with me, you didn't ever seem to care that I was there, at least not enough to tear you away from an evening out with friend's, you'd always say "sorry but there's nothing I can do", I hate remembering all this but it's probably better that I do to stop me from ever wanting to call you up again, a massive part of me to fight for you but I know myself that it wouldn't stop you leaving things again as your last resort, I loved you, I cherished you and I've done all I can for you, even left you my house so I would be the one who would be affected if we broke up and not you and your child, even now as I feel I've taken a step backwards in life, I still think that was the right thing to do, I miss my big TV though lol I've been lost in the woods without that, I'm kidding, you'd have taken that as the TV meant more to me than you hahahaha you act so tough but your just as insecure as I am, anyway, I don't hate you and I'm not even mad, still sad, but not mad, I hope you look after yourself, take care.

[brokenheart789]

I don't understand how it was so easy for you to throw away 9 years. I was and still am in love with you and I never thought you could do this to me and treat me like this. You have no respect for me. You are a coward. You just stopped talking to me. Then I find that you're with someone else. You tell me you regret your decision to leave me. You're playing with my heart. You are a terrible person. I was everything for you. I loved you so completely and you threw it away. You had to nerve to say you thought you'd be miserable because you stopped talking to me. We fought, you wouldn't come up with any plans with me. It hurt me and made it all worse. Its been over 6 weeks now. You're off on vacation with someone you just met. I doubt it'll last. You say you're a mess and you still love me but you're sleeping with her. Good luck. I'm going to move on. I went out last night, had so much fun but most of all I felt free. Free to do whatever I wanted. I still want a relationship, I want to be in love and have someone to share my life with. I thought it was you, I wanted it to be you so badly, it was suppose to be you. All that's over now.

 

You know what, you stopped talking to me and wouldn't make any future plans when we both had to for work. You kept saying what I kept saying was making you feel like ****, but you know what I only ever spoke to you about what you were doing. Your own actions made you feel like you were a terrible guy. Maybe you felt like a crappy guy because hey you are a crappy guy and that's not something I can help you with. You want to be friends so what you can not feel guilty, so you can try to feel like you're a nice guy, guess what you're not. I hope you can live with yourself.

Edited September 6, 2015 by brokenheart789

[darkbloom]

Hey a.

 

I missed you like hell today. No special reason at all. I just do. I wish I could have back all of our good times. But I know that if I take the good I also have to accept the bad. Which I can't. So we sit in silence.

 

Why do I have to suffer the consequences of your bad decisions? It's not fair that I get to hurt this much. I am irrevocably changed by what you did. Nothing can ever be the same.

 

It would be easier if you were dead. Not that I want you to be but my brain can't comprehend not talking to you without it that way.

 

Love,

 

db

[Oregon_Dude]

I'm realizing that it's not going to be either/or. That is to say, I'm not going to just get over you and meet someone else. I miss you, I hurt for you, EVEN THOUGH you didn't treat me right. Even though you disrespected me and weren't right for me. I'm gonna miss our conversations. I will miss our shared, stupid, sick, inappropriate, foul, off-limits, crude, offensive sense of humor. I will miss our insane sex, our dirty talk that put all other dirty talk to shame. Our rape role-plays. Our safeword. I will miss these things about you, forever. I am confident that no one else will match you in these attributes.

 

While I will miss these things about you, I will also meet someone who is: faithful. Loyal. Trustworthy. Decisive. Self-loving. Confident. Reasonable. Fair. Emotionally mature. Understanding. Supportive. Empathetic. Caring. Realistic. Things you are not. Things that are more important than the things I so loved about you.

 

I will meet someone, and I will also miss you. I will compare her to you - even after I am over you. I will meet someone while I still miss you. I will suffer because of how you treated me and I will also delight in the joys of having you gone, and not my problem anymore. I will miss you while I wish you heartbreak.

 

I won't deny your impact on me. You mattered to me. You still matter. I care about you and I feel ashamed that you don't care about me, not enough to reach out at least. A part of me loves who you were, who you were pretending to be in our "honeymoon". I can feel these things during parts of the day. I can also feel happy, lustful and into other women during other parts of the day.

 

What I'm trying to say is that there will not be a time, anytime soon, let's say in the next year, when you mean nothing to me. Though our relationship was very short, I found my companion in you, for a short while. You were a very meaningful connection to me. I hadn't felt that in almost ten years. Not with my ex before you, and we were together for much longer than you and I.

 

You meant a lot, honey. I wish I could still call you that. I really long for those times when you were truly the one I adored and would take care of. Remember when I told you how good I was going to take care of you? I wish that's what you still wanted.

 

It's sick, this. This strong feeling for you, despite its un-reciprocated nature. I don't care. It's how I feel, and the denying it and trying to change it and not admitting it drives me crazy. You, or who you were briefly - the potential of you, the illusion of you - is someone that I really loved, very very much. You were brilliant and deep and sexy as hell and funny as anyone I've ever met. I loved you, sweetheart.

 

Good night V.

[Throldur]

L,

 

I'm standing on the precipice. Tomorrow marks the day I thought would never come, the starting of my HR program and the beginning of my attempt to try to rebuild my career, hopefully rebuilding my social life as well. It was so long ago we said goodbye and even when did, when all the horrible things happened I wish wouldn't, I felt in the back of my mind I would hear from you before this date and stubbornly, you proved me wrong.

 

We built an empire together. We built this majestic thing out of sand on the shoreline. It was beautiful. We were amazing together and no two people fit as well as we did. It took some tending to, some attention, but the only thing that killed us was that our communication wasn't strong enough. Maybe I should have built this empire out of stone instead of sand. Maybe I shouldn't have trusted you to watch the waves and took more responsibility for how scared you were on the inside. Those waves came and toppled our empire and all that is left is a broken foundation and the memories of something so great that it could have and should have lasted forever.

 

I know you're standing out there with your hands cupping the ash of the bridges you've burned. I know you wake in a place that is familiar but so unfamiliar. In a world that is bereft of me, bereft of everything you need and I think that weird stubbornness, that odd pride is still keeping you there. You should have never left. You should stop clinging to a mistake and admit that you made a decision on impulse that has left both our lives in ruins and pushed us into an orbit that neither of us have desired. See we're constantly being hit with meteors, shaking us to the core and we both can't last out there, we need to pull each other back into our gravity and escape these onslaughts of brick and mortar or we'll never survive. I can't pull you, you pushed me too far out of your orbit, your hands will have to be the ones outstretched to me, you have to pull me in and rebuild this because I can't, you left me no platform, no sand or stone, to make this happen.

 

I love you and it's been apparent since the day we met. You can call me up right now and I'll describe what you were wearing, what you were doing, the first time I put my eyes on you. There's no question of my love or devotion. All I ever wanted was to marry you and here we are, separated by so many miles, so many hurtful things, so many months and it kills me still. There is no expectation that I'll ever hear from you again.. No expectation that you'll ever come home.. there is only memories and regret. I'm just a broken man on a journey to try and recover what was lost.

[Radarsat]

I wish I could take back what I did. But I can't. And I don't mean just the latest betrayal. I mean the years of hurt and abuse.

 

 

I also wish I could help you realize that marriage counseling could be good for us. But that's my control issue. I need to let you go and decide for yourself. It's unbearable to do, but I have to do it and realize I may have lost you forever. I feel like it's going to harm our children, but I guess I should have thought about that earlier and not took you for granted. I thought we were immune to a breakdown. I thought we'd grow closer again as we gained more independence from raising our young babies. How foolish.

 

 

I'll keep praying that there is hope even know you don't have much hope. I hope your able to get mentally back on track where your happy. Hopefully you can see that I can be a part of that happiness once again, but priority for me is that you are simply happy, with or without me. I love you so much. I'm sorry I never showed that the way a man should.