Post here instead of contacting your ex!

[trulysomething]

Dear C,

It's been 3 weeks since we've seen each other, and only 2 days since we spoke. I know you will call again, either tonight or tomorrow.

You always do, you're in a pattern. I'm in a pattern.

I miss you horribly,horribly. But, I won't take your call. I won't take your call for another few attempts. You need to grow up, learn and break all of your bad habits. I won't lie to you, there are a lot of them.

 

Your ex has always been a problem in our relationship (no matter how much you said she wasn't) She was a million miles away, but she still held you by the balls. Your family even hates her! Do you know that? They hate her! She's not coming back for you. She has told you that.

 

I deserve someone who can be with me 100%, not 50%. I deserve so much more. I hope someday you wake up and realize that you are 50, sitting in your parents living room, without a job, without a woman and without any self-respect, self-motivation or awareness of anyone else!

You're 32 now..so it's not that far off. I have made changes in my life to improve myself..both before I met you and now after. You on the other hand are stagnant! You bloody meat suit. Lazy. Unmotivated. Indecisive.

 

You were given a new chance at life and you are not taking it. You are not making the most of your life. Please..do SOMETHING!!!! ANYTHING!

Make a decision. Live YOUR life! For crying out loud..go get a job!

 

I was willing to work on anything with you..I did work on everything with you. We were a team. But only you could handle the ex. You never did.

The lies, the promises to make things up to me, everything. You ARE the very person you told me you weren't! How will anyone trust you if you won't trust yourself??

 

Think about it and get back to me.

[sao2]

Hi L,

This is the last you'll ever hear from me. Even in the hypothetical. I have pretty much let go.

 

We can not go back to what it was, I see that. It is sad, but it is for the best. I hope that you have a better understanding about your life, or at the very least have developed an understanding that there are always more questions than answers.

 

You are a great person. I will always feel that way about you. At the same time, I accept that we both made mistakes. I pushed for more than I should have because I was getting less than I wanted.

 

I hope your family is well. I am sorry to hear about your grandmother. I am glad that you got back in time to be with your other grandmother. I have never been present for a dying relative but I have heard it can be a beautiful experience if you let it. I imagine that you will be able to appreciate the beauty of these next few months with her.

 

 

Anyways I hold no ill will towards you, I hope you don't hold any towards me either.

 

Good luck to you,

Me

[hopeforlove243]

I wonder what are you doing right now? Past several months just like a hell for me. I am so tired of this emotional roller coaster ride, I used to be an independent, confident, happy and loving person, now I am a pathetic, needy one filled with anger and sadness, what a shame! I lost myself, lost the one I love the most, he was my dearest friend, my best travel companion, and I lost Hum*. Someday when I go to bed, I wish I will never wake up again, so I don't have to face this pain.

Anyway, time for me to stop... Your birthday is coming up, so I wish you a happy birthday here.

[Grace112]

I'm sorry. I am so so sorry for the pain I caused you. I was wrong. I should have been more understanding and sympathetic towards you. I never meant to push you away. You are my light and my life. I didn't realize what I was doing. I didn't mean to hurt you. I love you more than anything in the world and would take everything back in a second. I know now how lucky I was to have you. Please stop what you're doing. Please leave her alone and come back to me. I will do everything right this time. I won't complain and I won't get upset. Please, you are my love. I am so lost without you. I don't know how to be in this world any more. You are my life. Just stop, forgive me, and come back. I promise you - I will be everything you need. Just come back.

[Grace112]

Remember when we loved each other? Why can't we just get back to that baby?

[MattyTee]

So here I am, sitting alone on another evening. I know that you are just a few button presses away, I could just call you and I could hear your voice. I'm not going to because I'm trying to be strong, trying to get over you but boy is it hard. I know that in a few months time, with all the work I'm doing on myself, I will be an incredibly good thing for you. I just wonder if you think about me. If you see something that reminds you of me and want to call too. I wonder if I will hear from you again. At the end of the year, our engagement anniversary, my birthday... will you contact me? I guess time will tell.

[amythan]

I sent two txt today and i felt the most pathetic person in the world. We discussed at the phone today and he said he has feelings for u but he is not ready for commitment. For me that means that given the circumstances and difficulties of this relationship (including living in different countries) his feelings are simply not enough. He does not love me enough to try. And it is nothing wrong with this, I cannot blame him and i just have good memories.

 

I love him more than i thought I can but I am making a fool of myself. No self-respect, no confidence, I am destroying my life and I am bothering him. And there is nothing wrong with him, he is just not interested enough. But sometimes all this rational disappears and i cry for hours and like now i would like to share so many things with him .. feel empty and very sad. I never wanted to lose him but it is time to accept reality.

[Michelle74]

Well, its been a year and a half since we broke up, I have finally started to get my life back to a normal level. I cant not believe that I actually stayed with you as long as I did and for that I beat myself in the head with a rubber mallet ever day. You were the worst mistake that I can say that I have ever made in my life...I dont hate you nor do I still care for you...I really pity you and I hope that you take a good look at yourself in the mirror and realize the damage had harm that you have not only caused me but caused everyone in you life at some point or another. I would wish something awful on you but you are like a cockroach. You would survive a necular war. I cannot believe that I was so gullable to fall for the numerous lies that you told me over the course of our relationship.. A few of my favorite lies were that you worked for the FBI undercover...(RED FLAG) you would never cheat on me because your word is good as gold (RED FLAG) you left Africa because of the incident with the UN interperter (RED FLAG) You were not married (I found the marriage license dummy..RED FLAG) I guess the fact that you never consitently had employment should have been a tip off that you are a moocher, but I tried to believe the best in you. I can say now that was really dumb of me.

I doubt that you will ever accept the responsibility for the things that you have done in life because it is easier for you to blame others. Good luck in life....I know that my life has changed for the better since I left you...

[Precious K]

Hey X

I think about you more and more each day. I just wanted to txt you "do you still care?" All these questions I have that have been left unanswered. I love you with all that I have. Deep in my heart I still want you back!

[niceguy27]

well its been just over two months now and i still see you in almost evry moment of the day. when the wind blows off the water i remember the keys. when its dark and rainy i remeember the nights by the firelight. when i roll over at night i remember reaching for you .

do you remember? do you remember how for the first time in eithr of our lives we were able to love without changing who we were? to be able to be loved for who you were as a person?

 

do you think back and realize what you had? i dont think so. your still running from it. running from love. from me. yu cant fool anyone. all your friends and family see it. you are running from the best thing that has came into your life. for what? your independence? your freedom?

 

well sorry to tell you this...but im gone. starting over fresh. a new life is waiting for me and maybe, just maybe someday you will find me again. until then know that i never stopped loving you. you were and always will be my little care bear.

[angie16]

I want to come home. I want you so badly to call me and just say, i love you, come home.

we spoke on sunday and it was so nice. i miss you, i miss us, i miss everything we had.

I know you are grieving your father fully now, and i know you feel its best you are alone for this process. But deep down inside of me, i can't even explain how or why, i know we should be together during this time. 2 months apart and its all so clear to me, why it all broke down. But even more i know how we can fix things -- with our love. Please give us another chance, please know that my place is beside you.

I am writing because i don't want another day to go by. I know there's a very good chance you will never respond to this and i promise to honor that and not contact you again.

[Michelle74]

So I decided to post it here, I know it is very long, but intresting...So ladies and gentlemen when you are feeling like you have gone crazy always remember there is someone out ther crazier than you....(somewhat censored version) ENJOY...:)

 

 

Dear Josh’s ex-wife:

I want to start out by saying thank you for being a bi-polar fruitcake and flipping out the way that you did a year and some months ago. Because of your actions I met Josh. I must say that he is one of the sweetest, caring, considerate, humorous, free spirited, people that I have met in my lifetime. I am lucky to have such a wonderful person to share my life with.

I have heard numerous stories about you and you make me look beyond normal in comparison to you. I find it sad that you have been hospitalized in a mental facility 8 times the past 5 years. If I were you I would take this as a sign that there is something really wrong with you mentally. But I do give you credit for checking yourself into the mental hospital right before the final court date. But the best part is when you checked yourself out of the mental hospital the day you were to appear in court. This is something that even I could not have thought of, very crafty on your part. But, my favorite excuse that you used in July was the cream of the crop! You claimed that your car broke down two towns away and that the sheriffs department would contact the courthouse stating that you were going to be late. Well, two hours later the judge got tired of waiting for you and ruled in Josh’s favor on all the things that he asked for. While you may not feel that the ruling was fair, I assure you after your silly ass dragged the divorce out for 10 months the ruling was more than fair. I just hope that you are smart enough to heed to the divorce decree. You may not use his social security number to obtain credit. This includes Alltel phone service. By the way did you not think he would not find out that you went to the Alltel store 3 times trying to obtain a cell phone package in his name? Silly woman, that is what credit reports are for… Now, granted he may have never checked his credit report but I pushed the issue with him because I had a feeling that you would do something like that. You did not disappoint me on that matter, for that I give you a round of applause. I would also like to point out that your old married last name was granted to you and you are no longer to use Josh’s last name. This is part of the divorce decree, and I was kind enough to send you a highlighted copy of the particular section pertaining to this. Remember reading is fundamental…

 

As for the restraining order, why did you have to violate the TPO that Josh took out against you 5 times? Did you not comprehend exactly what the TPO covered or are you just dumb enough to think that Josh was going to let each time slide? I will give you a heads up that he filed a complaint each and every time you violated the TPO and it is on record. As for the last time you violated the TPO, the neighbor gave us the heads up that you were coming over that Monday to give her son a lawn mower so he could cut Josh’s grass. Everyone is still trying to figure out why you were going to pay someone to cut Josh’s grass. You are not welcome at the residence and the house was granted to Josh is the divorce decree. Why would you feel compelled to cut Josh’s grass? That is just weird, and makes no sense to a person who is not bi-polar. Back to the Monday you violated the restraining order. I was the one who took the pictures of you near the residence. Because I took the pictures, which were dated and time stamped which made it easier for the judge to issue a warrant for your arrest for violating the TPO. The great thing about the pictures is that I even got a few with your face in them. Why did you park at Grace’s house if you were dropping off a lawn mower at Kim’s house? Let me guess, you were not really dropping off a lawn mower at Kim’s house were you? I bet you heard from Trish that Josh had a new girlfriend and that she was living with him and you had to come check it out for yourself? I would bank money on my little theory, because I know how women react to situations. I really did enjoy going to the court hearing and seeing you in the “jail house blues”. You really looked like crap that day, what was wrong with your hair? I do have a suggestion for you, I would quit bleaching it so much, your hair looks like dry hay and we both know hay hair is not a sexy thing to sport. I thought it was funny when Josh told me that when I left the courtroom you started to cry. Why the hell were you crying? You knew that you violated the TPO, now you have to step up and deal with the consequences of your actions. It was even funnier when you started yelling at the judge and you became hostile and he said that you had to get a mental evaluation before your next court date. I know that you think that you are in the clear on the charge, but before you go out doing the happy dance, the system is backed up, but Josh does call the prosecutor at least once a month to remind him of the case. I did like the fact that you did wait until the restraining order was up this month to contact Josh about getting the rest of you possessions, again I must tell you that his last name is no longer your last name so you are going to have to throw out all of your mailing labels. Josh also has no intentions or desire to talk to you, he does not want to give you any indication that there is a possibility that you two may get back together in this lifetime. As he has expressed to me you were a bad nightmare and he is glad that he is out of it now. As for the items that you asked for in your letter that were not yours, how in the heckRugoing to use a 3foot ottoman as a bed? The T.V is being used by someone else, and considering that you trashed the house before you were permanently removed from the house there are not a lot of items that Josh is willing to part with. (I saw the pictures and I am still wondering what possessed you to rip out duct work in the attic, rip out wires, and push an air conditioning unit off its base) I did give you my old knife set. I hope that you find it useful in your new apartment. Josh was unable to give you the blender due to the fact that you melted the top part in the dishwasher. My favorite part of the letter that you wrote was the end when you told Josh that you miss talking to him the past year. I guarantee you that Josh does not share the same feelings that you do on this matter. But as you stated in one of the numerous crazy letter that you wrote him “I am friends with all my ex’s”. I can tell you that he does not want to be friends with you on any level. According to him you are too bi-polar to carry a decent friendship with and he is just tired of the drama that you caused in the past and does not want to deal with it at all. So you tell me, would you really want to be friends with a nut bag? I sure would not.

 

Now I do have a few confessions to make to you, remember that substitute teaching job that you were so proud but never actually showed up to? I heard that you are off the calling list due to the fact that you never showed up, and they found out you were not completely honest on your application about your past or your mental condition. They say that honesty pays, hope you learn from your mistake. You know all the free samples that you have been receiving in the mail? Well that was me, I figured that considering you are 50 ½ the depends, information on hair loss, nursing homes, Velcro clothing, and cosmetic surgery information would come in handy for you. Do not get me wrong you look good for 50 ½, but for God’s sake don’t you think you should start dating men who are closer to your age group? Josh is only 29! I cannot even picture what the two of you could possibly have had in common. I mean you were like in your 20’s when we were both born. Your daughter is as old as he is! It reminds me of 50 year old men who like to marry women in their 20’s. It is weird when I realize that you are as old as both of our mothers. But, I guess when you are that old it is hard to find a quality man in your age group that will tolerate the crazy things that you do. This subject just grosses me out because you are old enough to be his mother, which I heard a lot of people thought you were his mother. Which reminds me, I did want to point out something to you. Remember the pictures that Josh and you took? Well, I hate to be the one to tell you but the shirt that you were wearing with the keyhole went out in the late 80’s. Your face also looks really old compared to Josh’s. Not a good picture of you at all. You really should read over the cosmetic surgery material that I had sent to you. A facelift could make you look 10 years younger. As for the e-mails from Merdith, that was really myself posing as Merdith. See, Merdith was married to my step-dads brother so I knew all about her and where she worked. You were not too bright on that note. But it was funny to read your e-mail about your drunken roommate and the delusional thoughts that you were going to get the house and move back in. Too funny! I guess that you can say that I am pretty hateful when I need to be, but I will have you know that I did sit by for 3 months and watch Josh try to deal with the situation before I stepped in. I did not like seeing him stressed out from all the things that you were trying to pull. I figured that you had beat him up enough through out the marriage that I would take some of the pressure off of him and give him room to breath while I made him laugh at the same time with all the things that I was putting you through. Another piece of advice for you, remember the next time you do this to someone there will be another one like me who is just as good as playing the payback game. Maybe this will teach you to think twice about your life and why staying on medication for your bi-polar disorder is crucial for your mental well being as well as the others around you. I also have to tell you that the tattoo that Josh had of you on his arm is gone. I paid to get it covered up. He decided to get a tattoo that meant something to him. It turned out pretty good, and it was well worth the money that I spent to have it covered up. It was a proud day for both of us. Not to mention that all his friends are pleased about the tattoo that he choose to cover up your picture with. I was happy to do this for him because it gave him a sense of closure on that chapter in his life. In your last letter to him it did seem like you were trying to make him feel bad or sorry for the way the situation turned out for the both of you. Again, I cannot stress this point enough to you. You are the sole reason why everything escalated the way that it did. If you had enough common sense in your head you would have never made the choices that you made. You are right when you say that Josh was smart for getting a lawyer to represent him in the divorce. If he did not take that route I am sure that you would still be attempting to drag out the divorce for another 10 months. You do not have children with him, you ended up getting the dog killed, the cat ran away and you were going to get divorced before you moved here. So you really have no reason to contact him anymore, which you should thank him due to the fact that he kept you from being committed indefinitely to the mental hospital in another state. I personally believe that you should consider some care for yourself in a long-term facility. There are a few up sides to this suggestion. 1. You would have a free place to stay so you would not have to worry about the stress of day to day living. 2. You could finally get some intensive help with your bi-polar disorder. 3. You would be in a safe environment. I think you would really flourish as an individual in a setting of this nature. Besides your already 50 ½ , retirement is not too far off in your future (figure 16 years). I doubt that you have a good retirement plan and you are already collecting of the government for your “disability” already so why not go all out and suck the system for all you can. You are going to need all the help at this point in your life. I am sure that you could qualify for section 8 housing, I mean my cousin is 20 years younger than you and she gets section 8 housing so I am sure that you would qualify. You can always play the “feel pity for me card”, I have noticed that you are pretty good at playing the victim so this should be pretty easy for you to do. I bet your kicking yourself in the ass that you could not gift deed Josh’s house to yourself when he was gone. I am glad that the bank was smart enough to know what you were doing. Everything that you did while he was gone tells me that you were planning a life without him, you were going to get everything you could before he realized what your intentions were. Thank God that he is brighter than you think that he is and could see what you were doing. Did you honestly think that at 50 ½ that you were going to be able to hold on to Josh by having a baby? I heard that the doctor did not even want to help you considering your age and your mental disorder. The doctor was not an ******* as you said, he was just giving his professional opinion and you did not like what he had to tell you. Besides you did a ****ty job with your only child do you really think its fair to another child to have you as a mother? Sorry if that stings a little, but they do say the truth hurts. Josh also does know about your “chocolate love” that you had at Bingo. The old saying goes…once a cheater, always a cheater. It is amazing the things that you find out when you have lived here for as long as I have. Also, I would quit hanging out at Chevy dealership and huffing helium balloons. The people down there think you are a few burgers shy of a Happy Meal already and huffing helium balloons is not helping their perception of you at all. The neighbors also refer to you as “that crazy white lady who does yard work” So again, I stress that it is not really a good ideal that you move back to this county to start your life all over again.

 

I would like to touch upon another topic with you. Why in the heckare youtraveling around with two dogs in a crappy car that breaks down more than it runs? Did it not cross your mind that you were putting the two dogs safety in harms way? I am sure you kicked yourself in the butt when the car broke down on the side of the road, leading to one of the dogs getting hit by a passing vehicle. I do need to tell you that Gary is no longer holding the body of the dog that was killed, he held it over a month waiting for you to come pick it up and you never did. So he ended up disposing of the dog. I also heard that the other dog that was left ended up getting hit as well. I also heard the cat ran away from you. This is a true sign that you should not be a pet owner. Its sad because Josh really did want his dog back, and he was going to ask for her back in the divorce but then he found out that she was dead. Pity that you destroyed the thing that he loved.

 

Please do not call his Grandmother, or his family for that matter. They do not like you and they are not going to take your side on anything. I do not know why you felt compelled to call his Grandma the day after the divorce was final. Just a thought for future calls you make to places of business. Do not piss the receptionist off, this only irritates her and does not make you a priority. Or in terms that you can understand, do not be rude to the person on the other end of the phone. Did you ever stop to think that his Grandma does not want to talk to you? You and Josh are done so that means that she does not care to have a relationship with you. Move on and harass someone else for a while. At this point Josh is more than happy to take out another TPO if you decide to start coming around. As for myself, I will make your life as miserable as I possibly can legally. Now, for the sake of argument, I do not think that you care for jail too much so I would just stay clear if I were you and start your life over in the county that you are living in and stay out of the county that we are living in. But if you like the food and the clothing then harass away! I am 20 years younger than you, which gives me a huge advantage and I am not suffering from a mental disorder so my thinking is very clear on the choices that I make. But if you think that you are woman enough to take me on I say go for it with bells on! Do know that you will not win, you lost the last game you tried to play with Josh and you will not win the game with me. If you are looking for a sugar daddy I would like to suggest that you hang out on the Island’s more. I know that there are quite a few well off men on the Island’s that may be interested in you. Another suggestion that I have for you, you should really spend some more time on you’re My Space page. It looks pretty lame. I also don’t think the quote “five kinds of crazy” is really going to help you make new friends on the site. You also do not have any pictures of yourself. I did pack your disc of the picture that you took of yourself, (yes the not so flattering nude ones with the odd looking boob job). You could use a few of the pictures off of that disc and maybe add some more graphics to the page. Keep in mind that you cannot access Josh’s page because he has set his page to private. I do think that it is funny that you have not checked your account since March. You also lied on your profile, but then again anyone can be anything that they want to be on the net.

 

Bottom line is you had a sweet deal when you were married to Josh, you did not have to work, you were able to sleep until noon, were able to spend his money freely while he went without. Due to your own hand you ruined the life that you had. You really have no one to blame but yourself for everything that happen. This includes your first husband, your second husband and your relationship with Josh. I would assume that you would have learned from your previous marriages the mistakes that you made and would not try to make the same mistakes the third time around. Guess you are not as bright as you would like the general public to believe you are. I personally think that you are just way out there living in a fantasyland that only exists in your mind. You have lost touch with reality, and for that I really do pity you. I only hope that you get the help that you so desperately need. Oh, and that was really tacky to introduce Josh to the guy you were sleeping with in the mental hospital, did you not think that Josh knew the truth? I mean come on, get real!! I bet you are real bored of reading this long drawn out letter. Now you know how Josh felt about receiving all the letters from you. Which I do not mind telling you he never read any of them, he quit caring about what you wanted to say or how you felt. I did end up reading through your letters as well as a few emotionally stable people and we all came to the same conclusion that you are off your rocker lady. While it was very entertaining to read, it was also very repetitious and of course all about how you are the victim over and over again, that Josh was so horrible to you, and you never did anything wrong. I found it amusing that you tried to portray Josh in a light that made his look like a sexual deviant, by claiming that he was into three**** and he was a pedophile. I have not seen him display any of the characteristics that you falsely claimed against him. But I do urge you to look into to your own sexual history and experiences and ask yourself if you are really the one that is a sexual deviant. I would classify “couple swapping” with your ex- husband, sexual gratification from a toe, a constant need for sexual gratification, and the pursuit of men half your age as sexual deviant. Or you have mistaken sex for love, which is a sad thing to do considering you age. Most women get over the whole scenario of mistaking sex for love when they are in there 20’s. I hope that you address this issue that you have, this problem will end up having a negative effect on all your future relationships. Now, I know that you are thinking that you have a normal sexual drive but I promise you that this is not normal behavior and especially for someone your age. I must say the toe thing was pretty gross. That is even out there for me and I am pretty open to new things.

 

What was the reasoning for all the darn letters that you sent? Like I said he never did read any of them. Josh made the decision that he no longer wanted to be with you and that the marriage was over. Did you really think that all the letters were going to change his mind as well as his heart? Again, you took the wrong approach to win him back, your letters were erratic in thoughts and in one paragraph you loved him and in the next paragraph you hated him. This is not the way to get back into someone’s good graces. I must say you blew it with flying colors! As, for the lies you told Glenn, Kelly, and his family, you can apologize until you are blue in the face, it does not change the fact that you said the things that you did. People remember things like that and they do not tend to forget them. I suggest that you forget that you even met them, they do not want anything to do with you or your crazy fantasies that you have in your head. Everyone sees you for the nut bag that you are, and they do not want to have to deal with you or your problems that you have created for yourself.

[mikesinclair]

Hi Babe

 

Seemed i couldnt keep away from sending you a message,

but i came to my senses and realised that you were no good for me,

you were too fu*kin normal, didnt like to go out, ****ed with the door open, ate with ur mouth open all the time, ok you were beautiful and you knew everyone thought it, but NO more, i am looking at you as some boring whore that wasted all her savings on me and isnt and i repeat ISNT getting any of it back.

you decided to bolt when things were getting good so its ur loss on the money front. sorry.

U constantly moaned about leaving shoes not whrre they were supposed to be, wet towels that were on the the f$cking bed.. get a life you muppet.

I now find out that you are planning to go to australia as your old boss has offered you a great job, well thats not fuc*ing goin home and missing your parents, family and friends is it ? its the otherside of the planet.

You keep sayin your confused, well how the **** do you think im gettin on ? you twisted rye bread muncher.

You planned this all out didnt u, think that i wouldnt find out ? well bollocks to you, i got a good job in london, getting a nice place to live and im going to go out and replace you, maybe not as beautiful but someone that can eat correctly and not **** with the door wide open.. skank

make me feel guilty when i call to say hi, by turning on the water works and sobbing, ohh my life ohh i dont know what i am doing, im confused, well go fuc*ing die.

rant over.... you fuc&er.

I hate you and i wish you the worst luck in the future you c*nt.

 

 

I love you.

 

M

[mikesinclair]

Hey Babe

 

I was just looking at some of the pics this summer, we looked so happy together.

I am struggling to look at them though as it seems so close. What happened, why were we not given another chance.

I know deep down you want to be with me, and you just have to be brave and make the decision to move to london and give it another go.

I have realised the mistakes and where we took each other for granted, but we are soul mates, you even say you still love me, therfore the spark can be lit again

moving to Oz will confirm that its over and i dont think you want that.

but i fear if i give you too much space you will be gone.

if only i could get an honest answer from you, not i need to think about it.

 

Lets give it another try..

 

I love you.

[Saxis]

I really don't know what I'm doing here. I actually had a pretty good night. All the guys had to head home to their wives/girlfriends, and here I am. Still stuck... I'm not even sure why coming home to you even sounds nice... you treated me like ****! I have so many things to say, and I don't know how to say them. That's always been my problem, hasn't it?

 

I still remember you saving me from suicide... I don't really consider it saving now... You said you would leave me if I ever threatened my life again, but you left me anyway. What do I have to lose now? I've thought about that a lot. You got me to realize that it's really not worth it considering our daughter, but some days I still wish I would never wake up. I still have you listed as the beneficiary of my life insurance. Sometimes I still think it would be best. You have so many dreams and ambitions, and I can't see myself going anywhere. You and our daughter could use the money. I've never lived for myself.... and I seem to be failing at it.

[delilah12]

I'm not mad at you; I'm mad at myself. You are mostly who you have always been. You didn't say I love you, I need you, I cannot live without you..You said 'I'm happy; I like my life; things are good and that's what I am most mad at myself for - god, what a fool I am. You can almost forgive yourself when someone wants you so much that it is intoxicating and tsunami-like and bigger than both of you and you get caught in the current but what I got caught in was nothing - no big moment, no words of love, no bigger-than-both-of-us, nothing - I sold myself for nothing..you don't even pull out the words anymore - I feel cheap and used - but once I work through this - and I am working through this - I am going to make myself whole - something i have never been with you - not since the moment I met you and saw in you all the things I didn't want to see in myself.

 

I go through bouts of wanting to hate you because it's easier - anger fuels determination to stay away; when the anger runs out, I convince myself that it wasn't that bad - you didn't treat me poorly and wow, didn't we always have good conversations and great chemistry and blah, blah, blah? Each time I think I will come back to someone who missed me and is so glad I am back in their life that this time, this time! will be the time he will show you how much you mean to him; he won't let you go so easily this time; he won't send you one email a week that reads 'what did you think of House' - there will be depth, substance, a feeling of total solidarity with another human being - even if you can't be with that person, you can drink from the well that is filled with everything that makes you buzz, hum, be electric..be alive..and then you realize that nothing has changed and everytime you go away and come back again, he respects you less. He responds to your complete and total soul purging with a line or two that would be better served in an episode of the Simpsons; he says he doesn't trust email, phone conversations and so, living 500+ miles away, you are meant to do with snippets of nothing when you once had the most exciting part of this person, the part that made you feel alive and totally present in a way that doesn't come through this life twice, and you wind up in a cheap motel in a city by the river and that is supposed to do. No i love you, i need you, i cannot live without you; bye bye back to life - see you around

 

So I'm taking steps to make myself better; to be the person I know I can be - the confident, funny, dynamic, talented person who, when you are on your death bed, you will realize that you lost out on and not a moment before - and I'm not going to sit around and wait for that realization anymore - I am going to put it all back together for my husband and my child and I am going to write a best-selling novel and make a rich life for myself and forget that there was ever a place called ***** and a person who claimed to love you in a way that made every nerve in your body stand on end and make you feel like you were not alone in this world because your other half was out there and you met him and he didn't love you enough to make a life with you.

 

so byebyebaby...you want to send me emails every couple of weeks about a book you think I will like or a movie you saw? go ahead.i am not going to close the account because I am going to instead work on the person who needs those words that never come and fix what's broken (oh sorry, right, you don't like that word)

[starlite]

I am starting to feel like I didnt even know you!

 

You have no clue about loyalties and who they belong to! They no longer belong to me, but you didnt even give me it when we were together. Your friend tried to steal from me and you did NOTHING! A month later you confronted him, he denied it and you told me to get over it. THANKS! One of your female friends was a straight up B to me! You said you spoke with her, nothing changed and then you decided it was no longer YOUR problem. Thanks for sticking up for me.

 

NOW! Your best friend has the simple request..do not hang with his ex! You cant even do that, you are so f'd up! What is more important????? It is kind of disgusting to me!

 

We fought one night....bad....and I said that you acted like this great guy, but deep down you're not. You got so offended! I apologized. I take it back...i really mean it. You lied to me constantly, someone you LOVED and always blamed me for it. What an unhealthy relationship that was. I loved you with all my heart, was honest, tried and change my INSECURITIES for you, when all along...you caused them.

 

And you said YOU tried. Please....what to go out more, lie more and pretend to be good.

 

I TRIED! You did nothing! F you!

[finallyhappyme]

( What a great thread!!!) \

 

 

Well I started writing you a poem and I broke down in the middle of it and couldn't finish.

 

[sIZE=2]Look at my clock…it’s 6:00 P.M.

I can’t believe the state I’m in,

Sunday afternoon, I’m home alone,

Crying into your T-shirt…It still smells like cologne.

Our pictures scattered, beneath my feet,

Look at us hugging, on Fremont Street.

Movie tickets and sea shells too,

Everything in our box...except for you.

And I can’t pretend anymore,

I need you baby, even more than before,

I’ll cook you breakfast …I won’t complain,

Just say forever and take away my pain.

[/sIZE]

 

 

I'm going crazy without you. But I can never tell you because I want you to break down first.

[AurorasStar]

Here's a list of things I hate(d) about you (him).

 

•He has small man boobs. Not because he’s fat, but because his genes dictate small ‘moobs’ instead of pecs. Kind of gross.

•He shaves (really, he trims) and the sink is covered in his hair. MY TOOTHBRUSH was on that sink. I threw it away.

•He has dandruff and flaky skin. A simple change of shampoo and some lotion would go a long way.

•Every single window has a spiderweb in it. He’s lived in his house for 19 months… he can surely dust every once in a while.

•He washes his dishes BEFORE he puts them in the dishwasher. But he has three jars of moldy applesause in the fridge.

•He is stressed, has no time for work or studying for the GMAT, but magically every guitar hero song has Five Stars (now let’s be honest, I’d do the same thing, but quit your bitchin!)

•The toilet seat never goes down. Has he never seen how far small sprays of urine and poo fly around when you flush?! More than six feet! Watch mythbusters, much?

•He has a pore problem. Not zits. Zits are for commercials like Proactive. No, this man has a pore problem from hell. It looks like dirt, but it’s thousands of pores CLOGGED with nastiness.

•Indecisive, much? I mean, I thought I was bad when I didn’t know whether or not I wanted raspberry jam or strawberry for breakfast. You ask me about marriage one day and three days later say ‘it’s over’ --didn’t I go through this once before? Seriously… the joke is over.

•Did I ever mention how much I hate how lazy he is? I mean, GO OUTSIDE for once. Take a walk with me! Go do something by yourself.

•He is a horrible cook. Simply horrible. You cannot put frozen chicken into a pan with oil and expect it to come out ‘just fine.’

•He thinks that I am dumb because I do not understand numbers or equations. First off, just because I lack a degree doesn’t mean I haven’t been in school long enough for one… with a good GPA, might I add. I just have a problem finishing what I start (but this isn’t about me, it’s about what I disklike about David).

•He has no communication skills what-so-ever. He can’t stand to be the bad guy but can’t make everyone happy without getting in trouble.

•He was only a passionate kisser once. Granted, that was a great kiss, but he’s not very good at it on a consistent basis.

•He eats whole bags of potato chips in ONE sitting. Granted, I will give him that he does put them on a plate, eat them, go get more, repeat four times so there is a bit of exercise.

•He hides things emotionally. Upset about something? You’ll never know. He won’t tell you until it’s bothered him so much he’s making match.com profiles and staying home on Friday nights surfing for chicks instead of enjoying time with a REAL person.

•He uses his spa garden tub as a hamper.

•He will drive another mile to get gas $0.03 cheaper. And he proves he’s right by doing so by calculating how much it cost him to drive there, fill up and drive home Vs. getting it at the corner gas station with easy in-out access. Because $0.43 a tank adds up over the span of the cars lifetime.

•Speaking of saving money.... have you not noticed that there is ICE on the ground now? It's called WINTER. And although it doesn't start for another month or so officially, YOUR HOUSE IS EFFING COLD. (now granted, I won't be sleeping there anymore) BUT STOP BEING SO CHEAP AND TURN ON THE HEAT!

_________

 

 

sadly the list can go on. I will stop being bitter for the day. This non-relationship, as he called it, is new to me. I am full of spite and jealousy like never before. Ugh... if only I could send him this. Sucks when you're best friend can't be vented to because it's about him.

[angel v]

i came here to write my letter. but aurorasstar, you have inspired me to do something far more useful! why do i mourn endlessly over the 'wonderful' man i am missing???? the man who.....

 

in response to my postnatal depression, said 'i am leaving the relationship'.

 

asked how i was feeling, i told him how i'd been feeling, he said i am only saying that (i was feeling depressed & overwhelmed) to manipulate him, i am putting it on, i am an unfit mother.

 

5 days ago complained he didn't have the petrol money to visit his children, and today tells me he is flying interstate to visit his new girlfriend (2nd time this month).

 

said he'd like to separate if it can be peaceful and mutual, & asked how i felt. i told him i needed him to stay till i'm on my feet with the new baby (weeks/months) & he got angry & said no way?

 

you (he) left me, and took 6 months to come and get your stuff, including loads of garbage & a crate of old, unwashed, empty sardine tins.

 

you snore, revoltingly loud.

 

responded to my 2nd pregnancy with 'that's wonderful', and NOW blame me for not choosing an abortion???? (yet claim you love your son & want to spend time with him)

 

refuse to get a new car, when the old one is falling to bits, unroadworthy(police defect), and dangerous, yet spend plenty of $ on flights to your new girlfriend.

 

cannot find enough $ to pay your own bills, yet somehow i am singlehandedly raising our children whilst earning enough to do so?

 

you lied outright several times when i asked 'is there a new girl you're in love with/ 'who is the new girl'?

 

you live in a pig sty. you & your business partner are so messy. ashtrays, dirty smelly dishes, flies and stuff all over the floor. you'll go away for a month and leave behind a sink full of dishes, full compost bin, food left out. stinking fish tins. drugs. and you say I am an unfit mother, and you want your children to have sleepovers. ??????????? everyone i know says i am the best mother they know, how the hell am i unfit???

 

you wee'd all around the house and it stinks. you wee'd repeatedly in your daughters garden-cubbies despite me mentioning this.

 

you have no concept whatsoever of other people's feelings. you just don't get it. you are a self centred, selfish wanker who refuses to grow up. you want your fame, to be the centre of attention, loved & admired by all. but you were unwilling to support your loving partner & family, no not when fame and a thousand adoring fans were your other option. and who was the one who helped you grow your career, supported you in every way, never minded having no $, had total faith in your dreams & goals? did you even notice?

 

you tossed a 7year friendship/relationship into the garbage like it never existed. sometimes you deny it ever existed. you truly must be incredibly shallow. i must be incredibly dumb, blind or naive to have never noticed this.

 

you pretended for 7 years that you were ever so patient and kind and generous. now you are a hissing, spitting venomous ogre just seething inside, resenting me for getting on with my life and not needing you anymore? but you said you didn't want me? you say you have no anger, that i am 'setting you up' to appear angry. ?

 

you pretend to the world you are such a great guy. you have an awesome reputation. you lie about yourself, you lie about me. you pretend i am an evil witch.

 

...he always would leave razors lying around where the children could play with them. razors are not good baby toys, duuh.

 

he shaved in the bath, leaving it lined with hairs.

 

his breath really stunk. he objected to mouthwash or brushing b4 kissing.

 

his hair (dreadlocks) is full of dirt, grime, and smell.

 

he has constant pimples

 

he sleeps till midday

 

he is addicted to tv, and has an aversion to work, or rather, anything he can't define as fun.

 

he said he'd do anything to help raise the baby after he'd left me. only if 'anything' meant fun playtimes. 'anything' EXCEPT helping during the night so i could sleep more than 2 hours; washing; hang around more than a few weeks at a time.

 

he is scathing and judgemental and condescending (not in front of others though) and constantly judges ME for being judgemental.

 

he'd leave dirty clothes, stinking socks lying all over the place, in the wardrobe etc.

 

he had no interest whatsoever in helping out with my family during illnesses/deaths over 7 years. now he is flying interstate 2x in one month to see the dying father of his new girlfriend (he says it has nothing to do with seeing her!)

 

he has written a song about 'follow your heart'. i would call it 'follow your penis'. nothing wrong with doing that in itself, but when you abandon your partner who is raising your children (including a new baby) in order to do it......

 

he just will not grow up. allergic to responsibilities or something. he is getting older & older and chasing girls younger & younger.

 

he was my best friend for so long and listened and supported and loved. now he is a total wanker. a stranger, annoyingly buzzing around my children like the big fly that was in my house yesterday. i tolerated the annoying fly, knowing eventually it would be gone from my life. i guess that is all i can do now with him.

 

so why do i feel as though i am missing out on something? why do i feel a loss? or maybe the pain i feel is really the pain of my shattered heart, and it will continue to hurt until it heals.

 

i still do wish i could send him all this. surely after all the pain he has inflicted on me, and still shows no remorse, surely he deserves it? don't worry, i won't.

[finallyhappyme]

Need to let it out.........11.09.07

 

 

Dear little ****, ( inside joke )

 

I'm really going through it right now. After 3 years of trying, sacrificing, breaking up, & making up I'm finally at my wits ends. I don't know whether to just call it quits, make a clean break or continue to fight for what I'm not even sure is still there. We have both acknowledged that we are both to blame for a lot of the things that went wrong in our relationship. We have both agreed we need to work on these things. But that's it. We hung out the other day and everything was perfect. Yet I could not ignore the elephant in the room. We made love, we laughed, and then I left and I haven't heard from you in two days. I'm so confused and I don't know what's going on. I don't want to initiate the pending conversation because I want to stand my ground and I want to make my place. I can't always be the one to fix things and I guess really i'm scared to be the one to bring it up because if it had been good news that would be my answer I think you would have approached me by now. I guess I'm terrified to hear that we really are over and that's why I have not called either nor tried to approach you about where our relationship is going. I'm terrified of being alone. I'm always the one to motivate my friends and tell them to have PRIDE, to not call, to not pick up the phone, to go out and to move on, that life is beautiful. They look up to me and respect me and believe that I am STRONG. I'm terrified that I will finally have to test this for myself. I'm scared that I will finally have to go through it and see how strong I really am. I'm scared and lonely and so insecure at this point and I hate feeling this way. And worse is that you seem so un-affected by all of this. In fact you seem brighter, happier, more full of life since I have been gone. You are loving life and embracing your freedom. You tell me you still love me and two days ago we were together right back as if it was the first day we met. Yet I walked away with pain in my chest and you walked back into your apartment smiling. I'm so confused and I hate that I feel so much for you. I want this to be over already. I'm so drained and confused. I know I need to worry about ME, and make plans with MYSELF and friends and family, and actually STICK to them and not drop everything when you call. I need to not pick up your calls, and not text you when I'm lonely. I need to either decide if I want to spend my life waiting around for you to decide if you want me or not OR say 'f*ck you' and make a clean break and move on. This is a very trying time for myself. I'm finding out what I am made of and I'm afraid.

 

to be continued.....

[angel v]

you are an idiot. i can't believe that for 8 years i saw you as The One i looked up to most in the world.

 

last week you asked me to pre arrange a schedule (for you to visit children) for the coming week, and stick to it. you said you needed to know for absolute certain, in advance, which day/s you would have with them. you said you needed to plan around it. you said wednesday was fine. i agreed on wednesday. today, 3 days later, you say you are flying to visit your girlfriend wednesday, and expect me to rearrange the whole week's schedule to suit.

 

it sounds like i am being petty maybe. consider what happened the fortnight before - you again insisted on forward planning, i went out of my way to arrange a schedule which YOU AGREED TO. then you announced you were flying to visit your new girlfriend on those days. sound familiar?

 

you think NOTHING of travelling interstate for up to 2 months at a time, but when I unknowingly schedule in one less day for you to visit, (and only because you failed to commit to our prearranged dates) you freak out and threaten to take ME to court for custody???? what????

 

i spent a whole day arranging my clients around your preferred day (you knew i was doing this), and only THEN did you tell me you had flights booked already. you suck.

 

oh please someone tell me i can send this to him????? this is freaking me out, i am trying to be a mum to my children AND financially support them/me, and his unreliability is not good for my business! clients don't want to hear this stuff!

 

and this man who is travelling 2000km for the 3rd time this month to visit a girlfriend; says he cannot afford petrol money to drive to our house to visit children (he wants ME to get up an hour earlier to drive them to him before i start work.)? :-/

[marley_86]

I miss you, and i hate you for making me date again. I look at your facebook often and it makes me happy to see that stupid story she wrote is gone, and you just started dating her oct.20. I miss your parents and just you. The accents you did, its been 5 months and not a day goes by i don't think of you. of course now its anger and bitterness that i'm feeling not love and happiness. But occassionally those thoughts creep into my mind.

It seems as if our two year relationship didn't even exist, i've been through so much in 5 months. I'm living on my own, have a job i love and had three boys tell me they love me. Two of which i've dated.

I'm an awesome girl, and i know when you broke up with me you said you'd miss my excenticites and weirdness but there is so much more to me. I made you laugh like no one else could, you brought out the best in me and i know i wasn't the typical gf but i tried my hardest.

You hurt me bad, and i know one day i will find someone who made me happy like you did.

[marley_86]

I miss you, and i hate you for making me date again. I look at your facebook often and it makes me happy to see that stupid story she wrote is gone, and you just started dating her oct.20. I miss your parents and just you. The accents you did, its been 5 months and not a day goes by i don't think of you. of course now its anger and bitterness that i'm feeling not love and happiness. But occassionally those thoughts creep into my mind.

It seems as if our two year relationship didn't even exist, i've been through so much in 5 months. I'm living on my own, have a job i love and had three boys tell me they love me. Two of which i've dated.

I'm an awesome girl, and i know when you broke up with me you said you'd miss my excenticites and weirdness but there is so much more to me. I made you laugh like no one else could, you brought out the best in me and i know i wasn't the typical gf but i tried my hardest.

You hurt me bad, and i know one day i will find someone who made me happy like you did.

[marley_86]

I miss you, and i hate you for making me date again. I look at your facebook often and it makes me happy to see that stupid story she wrote is gone, and you just started dating her oct.20. I miss your parents and just you. The accents you did, its been 5 months and not a day goes by i don't think of you. of course now its anger and bitterness that i'm feeling not love and happiness. But occassionally those thoughts creep into my mind.

It seems as if our two year relationship didn't even exist, i've been through so much in 5 months. I'm living on my own, have a job i love and had three boys tell me they love me. Two of which i've dated.

I'm an awesome girl, and i know when you broke up with me you said you'd miss my excenticites and weirdness but there is so much more to me. I made you laugh like no one else could, you brought out the best in me and i know i wasn't the typical gf but i tried my hardest.

You hurt me bad, and i know one day i will find someone who made me happy like you did.