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Nikki Sahagin

A moment of anger/confusion.

 

What sucks is that when I was first with you I felt like the most beautiful woman in the world. Towards the end you just racked my self-esteem by flirting with stunningly beautiful, big-boobed blonde girls and trying all your lines and using all your compliments on them. You shot my self-esteem straight to hell. Actually, I allowed you to. Because I loved you so much. I thought if I could just be strong and brave and hold onto you, then this hell would all be over. But you left me anyway. Probably because I became someone that was putting you before me. But I only did that so that I could prove how much you meant to me.

 

I lost myself. I lost all self-respect, self-reliance, independence, strength. I cried all night and couldn't eat. Because of how you treated me. Your ignorance. Your neglect. Your cruelty.

 

And still you have a girl that you thought was beautiful. A girl that only ever gave you her kiss and her body. A girl that was pure and innocent, that hadn't slept around, that was just for you. And you give that way for girls that want to sleep around and play around and mess around. Girls you surely can't respect.

 

They say nice guys finish last? So do nice girls! And right now I feel my 'uniqueness' in that way will keep me alone. Because maybe if I was like all those girls that were bitchy and slept around and drank all night every night, maybe then i'd be more 'acceptable'.

 

Right now I don't really believe in love because I thought you were it and you crushed me. You wringed me out and exhausted me.

 

You are just one big mind f*** who took a good girl and hurt her. And no i'm not innocent but the way you treated me towards the end was disgusting and appalling and you should be ashamed. I know I make it easy for you to move on lately being miss nicey nice. But you've taken something from me, or i've allowed you to take something from me, right now...which is my belief in love. I don't even know if I want it back because sometimes love seems like the biggest lie and the biggest con.

 

I don't know what I wish for you. I just wish in time 100% of your poison drains from my veins. Its nearly gone but something lingers. Maybe its your vulnerable, puppy dog ways. You always seem to need my help. F*** you. You were never there for me.

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Thanks E.. you finally gave me the answer I didn't want to hear, but the one I did need to hear. When we spoke last night about everything, I meant it, our kids would be great!, the girls would be great together, we'd have a fab future. Don't think its too late for you, you're only young.

 

You'll find the happiness you deserve, I am sorry I am not gonna be the one to give it to you though (or the happiness! hee hee!)

 

Take care my love.. its been a rollercoaster, but I learnt a lot from you and I am so very grateful. Our bad timing sucks eh??!! ah well.. sure when Ya knock on my door in february I might let ya in!!!! Lol!

 

I love ya babe and I wish you a fantastic life. enjoy the wedding this weekend, don't be sad that you are on your own, the girls are there and they'll mind ya!

 

Take care, be strong, just keep doin what ya doin, cos you're doin alright!

 

I'll miss you, esp when I finally let you go. THat will be a tough day.

 

all my love and xxxxs

:love::sick::love::sick::love::sick::eek:

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OK well it sounds like you have decided after 1 councelling session w a welfare issued councellor that.. im not worth anything to you...despite the love and 95% good we had together overall...Im sorry Im not worth fighting for...and you dont even love yourself enough to believe you deserve me...you did.

 

I DO however want you to keep your word and live at the condo for a couple months....at least 1 month to help me out, considering i have helped you selflessly since the day we met.

I cant afford to get my heart broken AND get ****ed over for rent at the same time...esp since its Xmas and i was TRYING to be happy...

 

So thats fine I respect your wishes....do you respect mine?

 

You are right Satomi isnt the issue- YOU ARE. So im sorry i asked you to REMOVE HER ALTOGETHER because all its done is make you cling to her memory and runa away with it instead...lol...****ing RETARDED. You had NO right USING me for a year knowing FULL well you had NO interest in making anything REAL w me...knowing FULL well you would NEVER love me or treat me like a lady...only a whore.,

Well You have played me for the last time....you left in July after my insecurity grew beyond the love i felt you had for me, since you seemed to think its OK to conduct yourself as a single man while in a RELATIONSHIP w more than likely the best woman youll ever get who truly loved you despite ALL your flaws....

 

So enjoy your Craigslist, and all the other things you do admittedly or in private...to AVOID true intimacy...im sure youll continue to make a career out of convincing woman your this kind sweet innocent spiritual, until they start to catch on...then youll be gone again...Patterns are just that.

 

I asked you to go to councelling so you could start to unravel your YEARS of coping skills you call self-fish....and come to me with truely soft and kind eyes, because i loved you enough to put up with you, in light of a great future, and the bigger picture...and how badly ive been treated in hopes one day you would return to the self, and see me there with you...but after 1 DAY of councelling, its obvious youd rather give up then find a REAL councellor/life coach/cogntive behavioural therapist to deal w your ongoing and many issues regarding intimacy, respct, honour honesty romance and shutting down altogether instead of growing up, and being in love with the journey and opportunity for us to enjoy great love....respecting the process of healing and letting go...and conciously allowing new love into your soul...

 

You have been a nightmare of epic porportions for me, mostly because in the end you dont even care enough to stick around...and you resent me for reacting to yhow ive been treated and how youve chosen to conduct yourself overall with me..

leaving me will only push you further down...think your depressed NOW? lol just wait....another failure...another, oh i got SO close, but then i caved in when it REALLY mattered instead of pulling up your socks and transcending the lesson witha smile and some tickles......making lemonade out of lemons...quantum living is just that- there IS choice...

 

i thought you wanted to learn how to love...unselfishly. i honestly hoped to look beside me in 5 years and see you with me still, more in love and iron clad bonded, no matter what......but as you admitted, and i know i cant trust you to even sit through a conversation let alone have my back in any REAL and lasting WAY....

 

i never wanted to ever get to the point of demanding anything...but i have been repeatedly hurt by your HAUNTING, and your letter to her , whether right or wrong reading it, after a YEAR w a woman who loves you so much....was utterly DEVASTATING...and for me put everything into perspective...for me it was the DEATH of who i thought We were,m in my own minds eye....

 

You have completely SHUT DOWN...because im REALLY close to blowing the lid off your WHOLE DEALIO, and your SO close to coming through the other side...as am i...the MOST uncomfortable times are the times that push you past your limitations into new spaces and places of soul....when times are like this, there IS a lesson being ignored, and it isnt about leavbing, its about perspective....

 

So LIE to yourself over and over, thats what u do anyways...lie to EVERYONE whenever it suits you....you never moved on from her...instead you resent ME for noticing and angry for living under the shadows of you you two WERE and who you WISHED to be again......your fantasy image of HER is NOT REAL! but i was.....

 

.... all i was REALLY demanding was a ****ing REAL chance to be with you...i was willing to quit my job, go to councelling , do volunteer work, start a class w you...and jump w you anywhere you wanted to jump, as long as you werrent just there to push me off instead...but thats what youve done now.,,, youve brought me to the cliff after a year of promises and diving in, and getting

THERE...only to tell me to jump ALONE and your not COMING babe?

Then you are NOT the man I thought you to be...I thought you were a TRUE warrior poet...a hopeless romantic who with his head in the clouds, walked on solid ground...the one who would do anything to attain acsension with someone worthy...who at the end of the day would REALLY do a 180 and dive into me , after i proved myself worthy.....to stand before me and offer some kindness amazing soul love in return for the efforts ive made...

 

never asked to cry a 1000 tears

or to bleeed a thousand dreams

the love that awaited us was pure and real

but tainted hyztory screams

you didnt want to hold it, tame it or mold it

you just sat by and turned a blind eye

Helped it die, living the lie

of a 1000 days in agony, 390 have been with me

unfair, unloved, un noticed...

a love you cant believe,

so

turn around walk away

and leave

me as you do

just walk away and dont look back

It's the ONLY truth of Yu.

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hey,

i hope you're leaving the time of your life...

really, where will you find someone like me?

you really believe this is for the best?

i just wish you a happy life...

hope you take care of yourself...

just talk to me if you wanna get back together...

something that will never happen...

so yea... don't talk to me again...

i talked to a friend of yours, he told me how you really are,

i gotta let you go now...

i need to...

i think i want to...

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If I could tell you everything on my mind, I would tell you that time apart has done a lot for me. That the pain is mostly gone, and that I can see a lot of reasons why I'm actually better off. But I would also tell you that I still think about you all the time, and that I really miss you. I would tell you that despite all the reasons you've given me not to, I probably still love you, somewhere in there. And that when I'm forced to see just how much you do not care, it puts me right back to the start of this. I wish I could be like that. I would tell you that I'm coping in the way I always cope; I'm back on drugs in a way I wished I never would be again. I certainly can't blame you for that, but maybe you can understand the pain it took for that to happen. I was left with a hole without you, and nothing fills that hole like a bag of heroin. If I could tell you anything, I would tell you that I want you and I don't even know why. That I'd do anything to have you kiss me again. But I guess it's always the things we'd do anything for that we can really do nothing for. If I could tell you anything, I would tell you these things and more.

 

But of course, I'll never tell you any of this. I doubt I'll ever speak to you again. I would tell you how much that scares me sometimes.

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Well i have allowed you to use me and discard me again and I dont ever seem to realise until it is too late, you got what you wanted and now you are too busy to pay any attention to me. How stupid could I be???? How could I not see this coming???? Why did I let the fact that you told me that you love me blind me to what was going to happen???? I am so weak and pathetic and I hate myself for it. When will I learn to keep my distance from you.

 

I am just going to wait and see what pathetic excuse you come up with this time. I hate that I have to go to work tomorrow and see your face and you will probablly pretend that everything is ok and that you didnt ignore me for 2 days. What did I ever do to you to deserve being treated like this???? All I have ever been to you is nice, maybe too nice and you treat me like crap when it is convenient for you. I dont deserve this. Sometime soon you will no longer have a hold on me and I will be able to look at you and just feel indifference.

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hey nob, thanks, I needed to be reminded of that.

 

 

 

Do you really think that half assed email will really make things better??? So what you are doing what I do on a daily basis at work and no matter how much work I have I still found time to talk to you. but you want me to believe that you have so much work that you will be really busy???? I must really look like a gullible fool. Its a pity that is what you think of me. I am just waiting on the phone call that will come when I dont respond to the email and i will be ignoring that too.

 

I am sick and tired of you and your crap. I want you out of my life for good. just go away and leave me alone.

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sameoldsameold

I hate how you made me feel insecure when I loved you so much I would have done anything for you. I hate the way you lied to me when you climbed into bed with another woman. I hate the way you looked at me as if I was going insane when I got close to the truth. I hate that I cried and cried myself to sleep for weeks on end. I hate the way you ruined US!

 

I hate the way the good times together shine through all of the above!!!

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X,

 

I would wish you a Merry Christmas, but being honest? I hope it's a lame one for you. Hope that dude you ditched me for got sick of your sh*t. Hope you're miserable.

 

Actually, I hope you are feeling suicidal.

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Kizik

 

sweet sentements ineed!!

 

try my bitter thread " what would you like for crimble"

 

allthe best my love xx

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I know you still think about me.

 

I know you still think about me.

 

I know you still think about me.

 

I know you still think about me.

 

I know you still think about me.

 

I know you still think about me.

 

I know you still think about me.

 

I know you still think about me.

 

I know you still think about me.

 

I know you still think about me.

 

I know you still think about me.

 

I know you still think about me.

 

But maybe you're in love again.

 

The worst thought is this:

 

maybe you're happy.

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Merry Christmas XXXXX,

 

Hope you're holidays are filled with joy. I wish I could say mine were, I regret everyday the decisions I made.

 

However, you've made it clear by ignoring me that you're done and wont allow yourself to be hurt again. I understand. I wish I could prove to you that the last thing I ever want to do is hurt you ever again.

 

I know I wont get that chance however, it makes me sad.

 

You know my number, hopefully you'll use it someday. Hopefully sooner than later... although I can't sit around by the phone and wait anymore. I can't wake up every morning and rush to my phone to see if you texted.

 

I can't do it anymore, as you wont even respond to the simplest of texts. It hurts, but you know that, and thats why you're doing it.

 

I still love you, I always did even if we let the stressors of our lives allow us to fall out of love.

 

I wish I had seen the errors of my ways before it was too late, but it is what it is now.

 

I love you.

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Here's to you

here's to me

may we never disagree

if we do fu#% you

here's to me....

 

Bite that

 

happy new year !!! Ha ha ha

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Merry Christmas baby. I love you with every cell in my body. Always have, always will.

 

This time last year I booked a 6 course meal for us, still have the pics. So proud of you on my arm, so stunning, and that sense of humour of yours. I was the luckiest man alive & I knew it at the time.

 

I wish I could make you realise how much I regret my mistakes, to convince how much I love & respect you.

 

I feel so low, so empty - the loss & regret. I feel suicidal again now I'm off the anti-depressants. I don't want anyone but you but you won't except that will you

 

I love you Amy. Merry Christmas baby

 

Rich xxx

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LikeABirdWhoFlew

I was so proud to be by your side this time last year. I remember thinking I was the luckiest guy in the world. Your family treated me with such respect. Why did you keep on screwing things up? Why did you always find it necessary to test me and my love? I asked you to marry me because I was afraid of ever losing you. I know I'm the one that ended our engagement, but you were the one to move on so quickly. With in 3 weeks you had already moved in with another man.

 

And now you still live with him. I hope he wakes up and kicks your ass out of that condo as quick as he can. You will screw it up like you screwed us up. I gave it my all but you still pushed for more. Always more with you, always more. I hate you, you immature little girl. When will you grow up and stop using people? When your past your 30's and your looks have gone down hill? Then you are in for a rude awakening my friend. You can always get what you want when your cute and pretty but when that fades, you are going to be an emotional mess.

 

Even with all that said, I miss my sweetie!!! I miss you honey! I still love you! I am just hurt, I wish you the best! I miss you so much baby.

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Ha, f*cker!!!

I woke up in the morning and didn't think of you! I went Christmas shopping and didn't think of buying you anything! I felt excited to get home and watch movies with my best friend...didn't think of you for the WHOLE film!

I'm not 100% but I AM getting better!

 

Right now, I have these great thoughts on why you suck a$$.

* You dumped me out of nowhere.

* Youre over 30 & got engaged to an 18 year old after knowing her TWO weeks.

* Literally in days, you wanted me to come over to have dinner and a "sleepover."

* Despite me trying NC, YOU called,texted and e-mailed me on how much you miss me and asking for another chance.

* You broke up with her one day, called me to get back with the next, and went back with her on THAT next day.

* You told me and others that you can't wait to go to Afghanistan in January so you can "get away from your fiancee'."

* Still engaged, you told me you'd hope I will be there when he returns.

* You just begged and pleaded our boss to be on the exact same days on the exact same shift as me until you go overseas. You wouldn't tell our boss why...but she knew.

* You are STILL engaged.

* You STILL ask me if I can come over your home to "hang out"

You are trying your damnest to use me. I am worth more than being a default girlfriend.

You don't love me. You don't love her. You don't love yourself.

 

Why do you want to go away..to Afghanistan out of all places...so badly?

Why do you trash your fiancee every chance you get yet stay engaged?

Why did you dump me only to try to get me back..even just for sex?

Why did you wear a mask that shows good guy all over...when you're not?

Why do you even bother being with anyone?

Why are you the scum of the earth?

 

Merry Christmas, a$Shat!

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PandaStillLovesBunny

You tried to use your cancer as an excuse to treat me like a doormat again.

 

What excuse did you have for the last year and a half?

 

Well, unwell, better, sick; you will never treat me with respect. And you'll soon remember how much you needed me, and how much I gave you. You'll need the strength that I gave you to go on, because those other guys, whom you **** at a whim, will never give it to you. Why should they? They get it all with no effort, no struggle, no battle.

 

You would rather be spit upon, degraded, rejected, than genuinely loved.

 

And I must have preferred it, too, judging by how long I hung onto the false hope that you would ever be "better." You'll never be well.

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I'll get to the point, I am not happy, is this what you wanted to do to me.... make me beg and crawl back to you. Well im not crawling or beging. I did nothing wrong to you . For 10 years I loved you with all my heart and soul.

 

I know you were lonely at times, so was I . I know it was'nt always easy. You told me you werent happy . You didn't like to sleep alone. You wanted me near you. But did you really love me. Do you know what love is, I do.

 

I know what love is, it's actually two things, caring about someone so much that you want to share your life with them. The good times and the bad, the successes, the special moments together. Also It is filling the needs the other person has.

 

In a relationship people want to be valued. They want to be respected for who they are. They want to know no matter what happens they will stand by them through any problems or crisises that occour.

 

yada.. yada.. yada so on, so forth ... the end

 

oh did I mention YOU SUCK !!

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I'd tell you "Merry Christmas!", but I know you don't deserve it from me, nor do I really wish it for you. I don't wish for you a Crappy Xmas either. Only you can make it either/or, and we know you prefer Misery, over happiness.

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l look at the time and it's 1:04 in the morning. It's been Christmas for over a hour..

 

I remember asking you to be my forever on this very night 3yrs ago. I got on one knee in front of all our family and asked. You said "yes". I thought our Christmas would never be the same. I was right..

 

For we are no more. Never will be. You hurt and betrayed something that I thought was our everything. Your lies and selfish behavoir has shown me your true nature. You left for a lie and now my love I leave you to the wolves.

 

You still gave me a gift. It's not under our tree this time. This gift is my freedom to find a love that will be real.

 

Merry Christmas My Love

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