Username37 Posted June 30, 2010 Share Posted June 30, 2010 Hey Ex **** you. I'm not going to let you win. Link to post Share on other sites
bettedaviseyes Posted June 30, 2010 Share Posted June 30, 2010 Hey J, Its been a while since we've talked. I'm glad to say that I've moved on. Good luck in life. -Me Link to post Share on other sites
wendigo Posted June 30, 2010 Share Posted June 30, 2010 Well - it's only been a week but .... this isn't the first time I would be writing to you after we have supposedly split up. Except for this time IS different. Want to know why? Because for some reason - I have let it go. I have been ok. I haven't for the first time been suicidal. I've hardly cried at all. It's really weird. It looks like I have let you go. It's what you wanted.... you got it. Why the **** you didn't leave me earlier when you knew things weren't right..... I will never know. Why did you stay with me? You were so unsure for nearly 18months! Really was it just because O was your maid, your shag and comapny? I can tell you why I stayed... because I dearly loved you, because I felt we could try, we tried and failed..........because, you didn't want to try, you just wanted it to work.ugh... nob. Ok, so maybe I'm not completely out of the woods.... but something deep inside of me is telling me that here in this city with all its opportunities and a city I love - the people, their ways, the architecture, the beautiful sea, my hometown where I grew up not far away - the beauty of that sea.... i'm grounded here... not forever but it feels so fertile... I know you wont come back for me. That's hard. I stilll have a little light for you but I am also raging with anger over how badly you treated me and messed me around and gave so little for so long. I'm pretty sure it will fade. fertile... that's how I feel - rich and ready to grow.... Link to post Share on other sites
wendigo Posted June 30, 2010 Share Posted June 30, 2010 oh and.... I see you haven't replied to my text from 2 days ago about the fact I still have your car and I ask you if dropping it round monday is ok? I know why you haven't replied. Well I don't actually. Considering you wouldn't speak to me for days over the tiniest things in order to punish me. put me in my place for bad behaviour or whatever you were doing - general avoidance of sorting out anything tough... ah.. you're such an narcicistic c**k! (and I can't spell)/ You think the text is me giving you all how upset I am an dblabhalbalbalbah - well you can stop ignoring me now because I'm not coming back. Don't go thinking so much of yourself! you tit! Link to post Share on other sites
LoveTruthChaos Posted July 1, 2010 Share Posted July 1, 2010 Hey. You know that I care for the environment. Yeah, that's right. Unlike you, I care about something that's not myself. But that last package you sent me at Christmas? I couldn't bring myself to recycle the post pack. I threw it straight in the rubbish, where you belong. Sorry Earth, I'll make it up to you *hugs* Link to post Share on other sites
Username37 Posted July 1, 2010 Share Posted July 1, 2010 So I saw a photograph of you in your room You haven't put away the Panda bear I gave you? Do you still care about me in a way? Or are you sad because the Panda bear is the only thing that's saying "I love you" to you. No one loves you. I do, but you don't want to hear that from me. **** you. Link to post Share on other sites
wendigo Posted July 1, 2010 Share Posted July 1, 2010 [sIZE=2]As all our language disappears... the sweet things sausages... cheese and beer... sweetie... baby.... brought adn bought.... ay? hii-iii (onthe phone) tiger... but there's also.. is there any.... x y z that I would go and buy for you, open for you, give to you... love sick doing those things for you, pointless, it was never seen for what it was - love It's still hurting **, I'm so angry with you, sense is keeping me away as well as anger and the hurt you caused me... but you can relax ok? I'm not coming back.. I really need to tell you this.... but all I'll hear is "ok". So no point because you are not coming back to me. And so I fade and drift away from you... I'm still looking back every now and then... can't wait until you are a speck so small I know there is no point looking anymore.... [/sIZE] Link to post Share on other sites
Username37 Posted July 2, 2010 Share Posted July 2, 2010 Hey bitch. You said "I don't want to talk to you for the whole summer" Why did you send me this birthday card? Because of this, I feel like **** again.I was on NC from you and I was doing FINE. And now I'm back to square one. You're starting to care for me? After everything you put me through? What the hell? Are you trying to not make me hate you anymore? Well guess what? I have no more respect for you. You're a whore and I'll always look at you as one. You want to be friends? I don't think so. I wanted to be your boyfriend ever since I met you. You were a different girl. THATS why I wanted you. Now you're one of those trashy girls that go to our school. And you know, I HATE the trash that comes from our school. Way to conform. You always wanted to be accepted no matter what the cost. You have a problem, and I can't wait to see you crash and burn while I become the better person and have someone who is NOT a piece of **** like you. Link to post Share on other sites
wendigo Posted July 2, 2010 Share Posted July 2, 2010 I still don't get it and it's the only thing that makes me want to pick up the phone. Why the **** did you lead me on for so long when you knew you weren't happy? Why did you let me go on giving and giving to you when you were not interested?F*****g wimp! Arrgh! I'm so angry all I want to do is tell you how angry I am. I just know you won't be giving a **** right now. In my dream last night I had to go back to school. I was like: what? I thought I'd finished school (17years ago!)? Apparently one more term to go. As I walked up to the doors to the building I saw myself in my uniform. I thought I looked pretty good. I went upstairs to my classroom and then out of the window I heard my sister panicking saying to my other sister and few other family members we had to go now because the tax was being investigated. My sister was in your car (she cant drive). I had used your bike to get to school but the tyre was flat by the time arrived. I called you but you were being sh***y with me. In reversing your car my sister somehow blew the tyre. Then there was a motorbike which was yours which ended up with something in the carb so we couldn't use it. Everything I had to get home and tell you you were being investigated was broken. All modes of transport to you broken. Everything you were LENDING to me falling apart and breaking. Unreliable. Hmmm what COULD it mean? Back to school for me? Impossible to get to you? Me wanting to get to you when I can't? There is no way? Me coming over to you for YOUR benefit? Why should I care if you were being investigated - in the past I would have been straight there for you. Maybe school was telling me to learn not to. But it was an excuse to get to you. Why should I care at all?Because seriously ****, at the end of the day what you gave me was some financial support and I can't think beyond that what you have me that wasn't emotionally a strain or huge effort for you. It's hard to let you go but what leads me forward? Already 1 ex and one guy who I know who has fancies me and has done for years have mailed me yesterday -from nowhere - I didn't even do a thing bar change my status on fb, they mailed me to see if I am ok and to tell me a)how he found it heartbreaking to leave me and b)how you must be mental to not want me. I also know there is another guy who likes me AND best of all I have crush on someone to entertain me away from the lack of interest you showed in me. Because I can do this now. Because you don't want me. I am free. So you go. Screw around.Whatever makes you happy. I KNOW deep down it does not. I KNOW I gave you so much. If you can't express your feelings and communicate - that 'ideal' with no arguments and no comprimises that you berrated ours with - will keep you unhappy , lonely and detached for the rest of your days. At least I know I have depth. Real love and boundless commitment to the ones I love. ... like you. **** you I still love you so much... I just want to batter the crap oput of you!!!!!!!!!!!!!.. but it wouldn't make me feel any better and I would never want to hurt you... so I walk away.... Link to post Share on other sites
wendigo Posted July 2, 2010 Share Posted July 2, 2010 Are you thinking of me? Do you miss me? Is it hard not to call? I thought you loved me.... but you just couldn't show it. WRONG! You DIDN'T love me. But are you missing me? We both know it's over don't we. You are so hard. If only there had been some softness. Remember my softness.... how I touched you.... so beautiful..... we were so close ..... until!!!! arrrgh! you ***** I was close! not we were! I was. You were frickin miles off. only there to take.... giving me material things is not the SAME! you know I don't give a **** about that. Tell your ******* dad that too!!!!!! Really you did so little for me. Ugh I was so stupid! I am so going to phone you just to confirm that's it. Link to post Share on other sites
wendigo Posted July 2, 2010 Share Posted July 2, 2010 arrghh! just ytped out so much and it disappeard as if I wasn't p****** off enough already!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can't believe you took pot shots at me straight away and turned it into your usual I am better than you puttin gjme down in the most ridiculous way possible! utter................ why tf do you keep hanging up on me!!!! ahhh! screw you!!!!!!!!!!!!!! just let me go! **** **** ****** aAAAAAAAAAAAARTHJJJHJ sfh tewuo .lifha ;eotverou ndslifuh **** you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! such a *** you fn read that email. then tell me ITS OVER!!!!!! stop fighting with me! let it go! You're fn unhappy with me. I'm unhappy wiht you,. kudgfugh Link to post Share on other sites
wendigo Posted July 2, 2010 Share Posted July 2, 2010 actually - it's kind of good to see you still so effected by ME that you have to behave in that stupid defensive arrogant way! You must feel under threat of some kind eh? Ok. I step back and watch you make a pratt of yourself. You just be yourself then darling. Go for it. Give it the best you can.. hahahaha! t*t! Link to post Share on other sites
Username37 Posted July 2, 2010 Share Posted July 2, 2010 How the **** can you move on so quickly? Were you THAT desperate for another guy that you just made out with the first guy your friend introduced you too? I don't know you anymore. You're gonna get hurt big time. And you're gonna miss me. Well I miss the old you. Those "friends" of yours are just gonna screw you up. The only way you'll realize that is if some terrible **** happens to you. I kinda want that stuff to happen to you but at the same time, I have those feelings for you still and I don't want you to go through that pain. I can't talk to you about it, for I would be interferring and a party pooper. I really torn. Seeing you, reading and hearing your name makes me depressed and NOT seeing you, reading and hearing your name makes me depressed. Gah.. Link to post Share on other sites
heavensmesenger Posted July 2, 2010 Share Posted July 2, 2010 Let's see...13 days NC tomorrow since you told me I can't speak to you anymore because I confuse you. Like I was ever the confusing one in all this... I never doubted you, I never doubted us, I wasn't the one who cheated on you, I wasn't the one who dumped you for another person. I was happy planning my future with you until you took it away from me. Hows things with him and his ex by the way? I hear from your friend that she's sleeping in his bed? Wow how must that make you feel? What were your exact words again? "I can see a future with him in it?" Yeah you got one alright, you lost the only person who would have treated you like a princess. I don't care if I'm alone and miserable, I'll get over it. You'll be texting me soon I can count on it, he doesn't care about you and his ex will make sure she gets him back. He only wanted you for the sex, I wanted everything and I know your missing me. Part of me still wants you back, wants to give you the world. The other part of me wants to give you another world, put you in it and watch that world burn. You don't get the right to go around telling people you care deeply about me and always will. Where were you when I was in therapy???? Where were you when I was having breakdown after breakdown???? Where were you when I was crying myself to sleep???? I'll tell you where you were, having sex with that idiot. If you ever cared for me you'd have been there to help me. I needed help and I had to do it on my own. I should have never had to do it on my own. I deserve better, I want better! I hate all this I hate what you did to me, I wasted 18 months of my life on you. Things you'll never know hey C? I just have to hold my head up and smile knowing I was the best person in the relationship and I truly loved you. Link to post Share on other sites
LoveTruthChaos Posted July 2, 2010 Share Posted July 2, 2010 Remember when I woke up next to you? Every morning you said 'Good morning, Pretty Eyes' And when you kissed me in my sleep, and told me that I kissed you back. I don't remember that at all, but I must have loved you. That look in your eyes that transcened eternity.... All those memories. SO many memories. They flood back into my head, and I'm starting to not be affected anymore. I could write so many more things that we shared But I'm starting not to care It's almost time.... MWAH! *beep* Link to post Share on other sites
r6060 Posted July 2, 2010 Share Posted July 2, 2010 Some days I can't believe how much it all still hurts, or how my mind can possibly be still trying to figure it all out. I'm not a stupid or naive man. It's not like I've never been hurt before. This shouldn't be as hard as it has been, it really shouldn't. Shouldn't I be numb by now? Shouldn't I have figured out how to be mad at you or really mad at myself for being caught so off guard? I don't know how to get to the anger. I really don't know how to get there. I know you never meant to hurt me and I know it kills you that you have, maybe that's part of what's so hard. Shouldn't I be out of tears by now - why do they still just instantly hit me when I think I'm fine - when I think I'm strong? I know you're gone and won't look back - I honestly know that. God, I really really miss you. I really do. I wish it mattered. Link to post Share on other sites
Chitowngirl Posted July 3, 2010 Share Posted July 3, 2010 And I am so glad I did. I hope you come out of the closest. I know you're at least bi, if not gay. All the signs were there and then some. I will feel sorry for your wife, as you most likely won't tell her about your bi-desires or your STD that you kept from me until you had an outbreak. Who knows if you cheated on me with a man, since you would look up m4m in the cities you were traveling to. Who knows what you did. I can't believe I fell for your trap. You will always be a selfish, immature, abusive a**hole, who thinks he's god. I'm still mad at myself for not trusting my gut and leaving you after 3 months of dating like I should have. I fell for your manipulation. I hope you have become a better person in the last year. I wonder how fake you've acted towards your current gf. She has no idea what is in store for her. No one can believe all the mean things you did and said to me during our relationship. You're a monster. You don't deserve to be truley loved. You're a mean, hateful person who brings others down because of whatever demons you have in your head. I hope you have saught professional help, but doubt you have. Happy Anniversary, f-head. Link to post Share on other sites
LoveTruthChaos Posted July 3, 2010 Share Posted July 3, 2010 Hey, I just remembered that time when I woke up to you kissing my face, and then noticing my whole face was wet from your kisses. I'm okay. It's just a little setback.... *sniff* Link to post Share on other sites
Nikki Sahagin Posted July 3, 2010 Share Posted July 3, 2010 Suffering a little setback. I don't like change. I don't like that my best friend is gone and i've had to become much more self-sufficient and somewhat of a lone wolf. I don't like that a lot of the friendships I made through being with you have fallen away. I don't like that my ideals and beliefs about love have had to be re-evaluated. It hurts that you look good and that you look so happy, but...I am happy for you. I wish you the best. Link to post Share on other sites
shadowplay Posted July 3, 2010 Share Posted July 3, 2010 (edited) It's so hard for to not contact you right now. I don't even know what it is that I miss exactly. Is it you? Because I'm realizing now how often I felt bored around you, as you're a poor conversationalist and you'd always just sit there like a smiling lump. I no longer respect you. I don't even find you physically attractive. What do I miss? Maybe it's how you made me feel. I liked how I was always the center of your attention, and how affectionate you were. I miss the safe, familiar connection we had. I loved how you were more attentive than my other exes. I also respected how functional and normal you were compared to the others. Your veneer of "health" made me feel more confident in your presence, as if I hoped some of your functionality would rub off on me. But that's about it. I've realized that a lot of the things I loved about you aren't real. Some of them were qualities that I grossly exaggerated or misinterpreted. Others were vestiges from the image of you I created from afar when you were just a crush. Here's what I got wrong: 1. Watching you from a distance, I took your quiet calm as a sign of strength. In a sea of twitchy, awkward college kids, you appeared solid and mature. But later on I realized that you quietness came (partly) from a lack of confidence rather than inner strength. You were uncomfortable around people. Your calm was also related to your mental blankness. That's it for now...maybe I'll write more later, but at the moment I don't feel like thinking about you anymore. The urge to contact you has passed, so I guess posting this served its purpose. Edited July 3, 2010 by shadowplay Link to post Share on other sites
wendigo Posted July 3, 2010 Share Posted July 3, 2010 (edited) When I went back to the house today I found all the diaries I had written over the whole of our relationship. There was reams and reams and reams - thousands and thousands of words saying how unhappy I was and how hurt I felt by you. Over 2 years of almost constant hurt and you didn't really care how..oh ..how I have sufered **. It hurts so much you didn't care I was hurting. My I was so unhappy. For soooo long. There is just no way I could carry on with you. You sounded sad on the phone. But I have a feeling that the competition didn't go well today and that is why you were low. I can't believe it was anything to do with me because I don't effect youthat much. Are you going to go off with ****** now? Or *******? ** no-one will ever love and give to you like I have or as much. I found a letter from you today saying you would marry me and have kids.... but your dog has to come first. ahahahhhhahahahahahahaaaaaaaa! oh no.. its funny but it cuts deep. I didn't mind your dog - it was your dog staying at your ex's I wanted to stop.****. and you know it. Ugggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh I was so unimportant to you!!!!! You know.. I even think my ex's still miss me from years ago. Some of them have told me. Even recently. Not that I want them or they want me.... will you? I think you will. You are throwing something good away here. But you're not good enough to keep it yourself. Looking over what I read today in my journals and the picture I get of you is not a kind loving person at all. I can't figure out why I love(d) you so much when you made me so unhappy and gave so little. Even that hurts me if I've just been STUPID! like you said I was..... the worst thing was when I phoned you in work once - I wrote down what you said to me... "Can't you see you are bottom of my priorities, that you are last on my list of things to do!" :'( ok yes now I see **. now I see. it's all I can see....................bye...... :'( Edited July 3, 2010 by wendigo Link to post Share on other sites
lullaby Posted July 3, 2010 Share Posted July 3, 2010 You know what? I'm moving on. I've decided to put you away of my mind and heart. I know it will hurt, it really will but you leave me no choice. Thank God for that cuttie at work that distracts me everyday and who knows? things happen for a reason, right? I got a new job for a reason. Maybe you're flirting with someone too, although I don't know who will get you like me... Yeah... who will???? Who will do all that BS we used to do? who will be as crazy as you and me? or my new thought is that maybe you're gay... it could certainly be that. Look what I'm thinking my God!!!!! I hope you soon realize what you lost and come crawling and begging... please do it soon because from this day on I've decided it's over for now... but see? FOR NOW? Please don't walk away, I'm doing this for me, but don't make me do this.... Link to post Share on other sites
lullaby Posted July 3, 2010 Share Posted July 3, 2010 I found this lyrics by Christina Aguilera. It's from her last album, and the song is called STRONGER THAN EVER. Hope you enjoy it, I guess it works for all of us. What you gave me I know you gave me You remind me all the time And how you hurt me and you don't see it Again I am the child And though you tell me that you love me I can't feel it and I'm afraid to let you down It's all or nothing, I fear that something's wrong I'm tired of walking on eggshells so terrified to fail And in order to please you I've abandoned myself And though it used to hurt me when you push me away I'm stronger than ever, you made me this way How I wish you, you suffered less too It tears us both apart And it's not pretty the way you criticize me And how it breaks my heart And though you tell me that you love me I can't feel it and I'm afraid to let you down It's all or nothing, I fear that something's wrong And though you tell me that you love me I can't feel it and I'm afraid to let you down It's all or nothing, I fear that something's wrong How I wish you knew, how much I need you I feel like running but I can't abandon you You avoid my gaze, withdraw from me these days You punish me for trying to be all that you wanted What more can I do? And though you tell me that you love me I can't feel it and I'm afraid to let you down It's all or nothing, I fear that something's wrong Link to post Share on other sites
chooch Posted July 4, 2010 Share Posted July 4, 2010 I miss you xxx Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts