Post here instead of contacting your ex!

[poopierabbit]

Hey Tonya,

 

I wasn't expecting a call, but I was still a little disappointed that you didn't.

 

You are the type of woman that once your mind is made up, it's made up and moving heaven and Earth won't change that decision.

 

I'm sorry we came to this point - the point at which we're no longer together. I really thought we had a future together; a very happy future that would be "just us" without kids.

 

I think it will be exceedingly difficult for both of us to find partners that have grown kids at our age, and for that I'm sad.

 

We really could have worked things out. What I never understood is why you had such resistance to going to counseling in the first place. We tried a couple of times, but it seemed to drift away. Why couldn't we have put in the hard work to make us work through the hard times?

 

I'm certain you've moved on at this point and I'll only be a distant memory to you at best. You are still in my heart and I'm currently trying to unwind my heart from the attachments I have to you. I don't enjoy this task, because I do love you.

 

Jordan

[poopierabbit]

Tonya,

 

I am certain of this fact: I will never find a woman as beautiful, intelligent or have the drive you possess. You are a caretaker (ICU RN), and have a heart of gold. You are a good mother and value your family.

 

I can only hope in time to find someone that may have half the qualities you possess.

 

On the other hand, your libido was simply not there. At times you were very selfish and you didn't appreciate some of big things that were done for you. You tended to be vain and no one could do anything right except you. In fact, as I recall you even mentioned something to that effect.

 

I am also certain you will jump to a new man in a New York minute to ease the financial burden of your situation now. This is who you've become over time I've noticed - you wanted "more" in life, so the only thing next is what? Landing a doctor? Lawyer? Low six figures just didn't do it for you anymore.

 

Obviously I'm trying to point out the good and bad points to myself to help ease the grieving I've been doing for a couple of months now.

 

You are right - I do need to make a new life for myself. I don't know what that is yet, but I need to place one foot on the metaphorical road to find out where and what that new life is.

 

I will deeply miss you.

 

I love you,

 

Jordan

[chocha_mocha]

Arg!

 

Why did you send a blank facebook message to me - stop playing games!

 

You are a manipulative worm who I should have tossed to the birds. Why didn't I trust my instincts at the begining instead of waiting 18 months to finally listen to myself.

 

I don't hate you, I just want to forget you. I'd been doing a GREAT job until today. We shared some good times, but it was all at the expense of my self worth. I haven't felt this low in years and I'm really struggling so please just disapear from my mind.

 

RC

[Nikki Sahagin]

I miss you still.

 

Are you too stubborn to contact me any more, or have you just stopped caring?

 

I love you and I think I always will. Some memories have come back to me. I really do love you, more than I think I ever expected of myself. I wish we could have our time back. I wish you could have loved me as much as I loved you.

[poopierabbit]

Hey Tonya,

 

It's amazing to think that our final goodbye was the morning of August 31st. That morning will replay over and over in my head as the last time we were together.

 

You woke up early to get ready for work and you were caressing my legs for a while. I understood then what that meant, even though at the time you wanted "just a break."

 

I got up with you that morning and the final things we did were kiss and hug each other.

 

I know now that that was the final time we will ever see each other again. It is amazing that it ended like that - I think we were fortunate to walk away with that memory.

 

You moved out after I flew back to the West coast and never gave an address. I still have your phone number in my phone. I'm not brave enough to delete it yet, but I know the time will be soon when I do.

 

Nine months from now you will be moving away from Elizabeth City, and that to me signals the end when you melt away into a memory. I will not know where you go or how you are doing. I suppose that is for the best.

 

God I love you.

 

Jordan

[poopierabbit]

Hi Tonya,

 

I was reading "How to Survive the Loss of a Love" and the book has an interesting poem:

 

you came

and made

my house

our home

 

you left

making

our home

my asylum

 

Honestly, I'm not really surviving all that well. I am in a very black depression but luckily will start counseling on December 1st. I really need it. The drinking, drugs and sex with multiple partners is not something I even pictured in my wildest imagination just six months ago. I am slowly falling apart.

 

Jordan

[Pencil]

...there was a man who was a republican, conservative and an admitted bourgeois. Given his Southern background, there were also undertones of internalized racism particularly to the darker races and their ways of life. It would seem to him that a certain kind of conservatism and life in gentrified suburbia was the final triumph of the laws of evolution and the very apex of civilization which the entire universe had conspired to bestow to a lucky few and which everyone else on the planet should also aspire to. Anything less, was "primitive", "backward" or just plain"abnormal", in his mind anyway.

 

He had studied at that hotbed of radicalism known as Berkeley . While there, he had his required foray into rebellion against his upper-class privileged WASP-y background, in that he had a relationship with a member of one of darker races. He actually fell deeply in love with her, or so he thought. Problem was, he also had his Southern racial baggage, and he did not treat her as a human being but rather as an object to be controlled according to his conservative, Southern, republican quasi-racist upbringing. Naturally enough, she finally left him for his best friend the first chance she could after the years of subtle, insidious abuse. He never got over it and could not understand why anyone would run away from the “Golden Boy” that he was. He was a "catch" after all. Who could resist him? He had had a lifetime's worth of indoctrination of how wonderful and how special he was, how it was his entitled birthright as a white American male to have anything or anyone he wants. Anyone who rejects that is just plain crazy. So how could he have fallen in love with someone who could think in such a wrong way? He could never reconcile himself with that.

 

Life went on, he eventually married another, a woman who was quite pleasant to look at in a glacial ice-princess sort of way, especially when she was younger, but inevitably aged horrifically and widened unforgivably after giving birth. She was nowhere near as smart as he was but at least she'd never leave him, she was easy to control. “That was good”, he thought. He could manipulate her and she would not know a thing of what was really happening when she wasn't looking. Maybe she did but at least as long as she depended on his pay check and the lifestyle it afforded, she could never run out on him, not like the other one. He got a good job, travelled and they had two kids. Life was good, vacations in Europe , coaching for his kids little league soccer in the summer and working in the yard. The sex disappeared in time from his marriage, like it does to most people who have been together for 19 years, but the kids made everything bearable. He had quite a number of liaisons, his wife knew about it but put up with it,"better your husband get his kicks somewhere else, less work for me, and at least I get to keep the house, have social respectability and still have paid vacations to Europe, she rationalized and popped another chocolate (or was it a pill?) into her mouth."Besides, he can never leave me now... it'll cost him too much money and I'll get everything anyway."

 

Most of the time, he got away with it, the third parties were obliging, they just wanted the sex, it was an understood agreement. Each one got what they wanted, everyone went home satisfied and the status quo continued. This went on for many years.

 

One day at work, there was s new girl. In many ways she reminded him of the girl from Berkeley. He noticed that she was also looking at him just as frequently as he was looking at her. "Great", he thought to himself and smacked his lips,"another notch on the ol bedpost" and he cracked his knuckles in anticipation.

 

There was just one problem.

This girl really, truly cared about him. She tried controlling it and she just couldn't help it. It just was. She hated to admit it but she finally understood that love indeed is blind. She cared about him but also respected herself enough that she wasn't willing to cheapen or compromise herself for him, and so they actually never physically touched each other. She didn't want him in that way, with secrets and subterfuge and only settling for stolen moments. She wanted him cleanly, free, without hindrance or clouds of any sort hanging over them. She wanted to see him blossom, she wanted to see him go far and be the best person he could possibly be, she could see what he was capable of. The fact that he was living no where near his fullest potential broke her heart. The game of cat and mouse persisted for years between them. She even went to such lengths as leaving the country at one point, because the agony of the situation was such that she realized

nothing was ever going to change. She took on various lovers and continued living her life. He eventually followed her there also.

 

She remembered certain moments between them which made her smile and warmed her. The time when she waited for him at the train station and saw him running to meet her and saw him fall, and showed up at the train station a moment before the train left with his bloodied knuckles. That was the moment she loved him the most because she understood he had run for her. If he didn't give a damn, he would have missed the train. Or the moment they sat facing each other in a cafe overseas after not having seen each other in 3 years, and realizing that her feelings had not changed for him. He hadn't forgotten her after all. At one point, she decided that it would just be best to break all contact with him. She did not see him for 4 years. He still found a way to see her on the street. Hiding behind umbrellas and stealing glances.

 

After careful reflection and observation, she realized a few things about him. He was dishonest, not only to his wife and children but more importantly, to himself. If he wasn't willing to face the music about himself, then nothing would ever change and she knew you can't make other people change. It's up to them to make that decision. He was also a fearful man, not one who had a lot of courage or strength. All he did was use all his social constructs as excuses to hide behind the reality of what he really felt and wanted. He was also deeply unhappy; he refused to make that leap of faith towards happiness.

No, not necessarily with her, that wasn't the issue, but rather to find that within him, by himself. His conservative upbringing also informed him that feelings were bad, that traditions must be conserved at all costs, never mind what it does to you on the inside. Appearances are everything, they must always be held up, no matter what; Feelings which might undermine the house of cards must be stamped out, even if it means killing a part of you. Just numb or distract yourself with work, money, sex, drink, and the kids, whatever. But whatever you do, never face yourself. And never, ever allow someone who might even bring you back to yourself into your life.

 

By her calculations, the trajectory would continue as thus; he would continue to have his affairs, either he or the wife eventually becomes ill, cancer or psoriasis of the liver due to excessive alcohol consumption or there's a tragedy involving the children. That would momentarily bring them closer together. After the stifled, controlling atmosphere in the house which the kids intuitively picked up on for years, the daughter eventually will rebel or develop some nervous condition (anorexia or cutting herself perhaps). The son becomes a thug or a bully - he's already a spoiled brat. More trips to Europe (make sure they are approved by Condé Nast Traveller magazine first), more extra-curricular activities for the kids (make sure they get into MENSA and some of the Ivy League schools). Retire. Take up gardening; finally write the Great American novel (which of course, is never finished) and then The End.

 

She realized that she'd rather chomp on a cyanide pill than end up in that way.

 

She may not have had the money, the security and the privilege but she was OK with that. Life is far more interesting when you don't know what your life will be like from year to year. She liked the fact that she was a bit of an odd-ball and a black sheep rather than an invisible member of the Great Unwashed (you know, the grey people you just don’t see in a crowd because they all look washed-out and the same). She liked the fact that her life journey so far brought her in spontaneous contact with certain teachers and guides, she especially loved learning from these gentle, kind and wise (and often famous and influential) men and women. She revelled in the incongruity of her life, of being at a cocktail party one day in a glass, Manhattan penthouse in her (borrowed) Jimmy Choo’s and then entering a Hopi sweat lodge, covered in mud with recovering addicts in the middle of the desert the next. Or of finding herself swimming side by side with a rare

giant loggerhead turtle on a deserted Mediterranean beach at sunrise by herself. Or of observing the grief and tears of a mother who has just heard her son has passed away in a hospital. She never went looking for these things, they came to her. Or rather her faith brought her these gifts. And they were gifts, every last one. To her, there was no difference between these experiences; they were part of the same story. She could live with the risk. Risk did not fill her with fear or dread like it did for most people. Rather, it excited her immensely.

 

So she finally finally saw things for what they were and decided the best thing to do was to fade away from him.

 

And so she did!

 

The End.

[collegeguy_24]

Hi Jen

 

I was disappointed I didn't hear from you on Thanksgiving, and I was tempted to sen you text to say happy turkey day. But I didn't, I sent it to everyone, including your mother, and I received good responses.

 

God I still miss you, I see you all the time now and it hurts, your always alone when I see you but it still hurts. My heart yearns for you, oh so much.

[Fufu]

ooOh so you are in a vacation now, have fun without me

[cerridwen]

You'll never be able to shift enough as a person for me to ever feel good and safe.

 

I hope your day was better today. I missed you more than I have since we broke up. That happens when you reach out to me, scared and hurting. I'm actually surprised you're still hurting this badly. Ironically, I'm doing better than you and you're the one that dumped me! But, not only will you be okay, W, *I'll* be okay. We'll both be okay Friend, just not together.

[Margot]

Wow started in to videos and you didn't send them to me. I don't know why I expected you to change, to feel something for me, to want me. I know that you don't want me anymore. It really sucks to feel like I fell right now while you're out there doing God knows what.

You have no idea how much I love you, how much I miss you, how much I wish that you could return but at the same time I can't forget how much you betrayed me, lied to me, and I hate that you are with her....

I just want time to pass as fast as it can. I'm moving next year, I don't want you to know. I just can't tell you. I know that you don't care about nothing. But on the other hand why you keep contacting me. You want an ego boost? You really miss me? Yeah right...You fooled me once, but you are not going to fool me twice.

[cerridwen]

I wish you'd stop texting me W. Stop texting me things like "Sometimes when I get big pockets of sadness I think of our trip to Washington D.C.. And that helps a lot."

 

Yes, it was an awesome trip but you texting me confessing your pain isn't helping me move on. If you were sending me casual texts, or no texts at all, those would be easy to ignore! Instead, you reach out to me, and I put my hand out and touch yours because you've always needed a loyal friend like me, W. That's why you're so stupid. Because you won't ever find someone who believed in you as much as I did.

[poopierabbit]

Hey Tonya,

 

It occurred to me this evening that had I not taken this job on the other coast, we'd be together right now.

 

I'm trying to understand what my sin was - I think it must have been pride. Pride above love. Whatever I did, I am being squarely punished and I hate it.

 

I understand you are dating and I have to admit, when I first heard the news, I had to sit down. It literally made me sick -- and so soon after we broke up. Did I mean so little to you?

 

I have no idea what I'm going to do next. I'm completely lost at this point. But gee, I have a great job, don't I?!

 

Jordan

[Fufu]

I hate missing you and hate not hearing anything from you....

It's okay.. you choose to be like this, I will do the same as well.

[Margot]

I have to write this important essay for grad school and you are in my freakin' mind. I dreamt of you last night, that hasn't happen in a long time. I think that all this holidays you will be in my mind and that really upsets me. I have too much going on to keep my mind of you, to move from this city because I just can't deal with the people, with our social circles, with you, with "our" places, and "our" stuff. I need a change. I know that you have been doing a lot of stuff this past months and good for you but it also makes me sad that you didn't do it with me. I always encourage you to do something for you and you just stayed in the sofa doing nothing. And now that we are not longer together you are studying, working a lot, doing charity. That makes me think a lot of stuff, that maybe I stopped you of doing those things or that you are doing them to keep yourself busy and not deal with the same pain I'm dealing right now.

My birthday is in one week and I don't like that I'm expecting what are you going to do for me. I don't want to be with you but I just can't stop thinking about us and all the things you said and did to me.

[9Lives]

I have to write this important essay for grad school and you are in my freakin' mind. I dreamt of you last night, that hasn't happen in a long time. I think that all this holidays you will be in my mind and that really upsets me. I have too much going on to keep my mind of you, to move from this city because I just can't deal with the people, with our social circles, with you, with "our" places, and "our" stuff. I need a change. I know that you have been doing a lot of stuff this past months and good for you but it also makes me sad that you didn't do it with me. I always encourage you to do something for you and you just stayed in the sofa doing nothing. And now that we are not longer together you are studying, working a lot, doing charity. That makes me think a lot of stuff, that maybe I stopped you of doing those things or that you are doing them to keep yourself busy and not deal with the same pain I'm dealing right now.

My birthday is in one week and I don't like that I'm expecting what are you going to do for me. I don't want to be with you but I just can't stop thinking about us and all the things you said and did to me.

 

I know this is not the spot really respond and you wasnt looking for a response. I just understand and feel the same way you do. Im the stupid one that goes on fb and searches looking to see if he is still with the new chic. It eats me up inside but I guess I have to go thru this to move on with my life. FOR GOOD!

 

I been thinking about him and I wish I could but i wish I couldnt. No good will come from it. I just have to move on and let it all go away. This too shall pass!!

[LikeCharlotte]

O,

It is much better this way. I care. You care. We can leave it all in a pretty box with a bow for remembering. I once wished that we could actually be friends but whatever this is will do nicely. You have a better idea of how to handle these things than I ever will. It's not so bad in the end. I hope you stay well and that life gets back to normal for you. Stay talking to your doctor and keep working on a better life and it will come. I'm proud to have known you. You live up to every great thing I ever said about you and then some. *looking fondly into the distance* We will always have the pet store. lol

-LC

 

W,

Once I leave you will never see me again. I cannot believe the absolute stupidity you display; and do you ever STFU and listen? Your world is so divorced form reality that it is a wonder you survive at all. I would tell you to enjoy the drugs and stupid girls but I don't want you to. I want you to wake up and cry about what you've done to yourself. May your fortress of lies crumble around you.

-LC

 

H,

I miss having you as part of my life but I can't change her. Don't know what to say anymore. It is too hard and I am always the one who has to do the work for our friendship. What happened? Where did you go?

-LC

[b_rouse]

Hello Bradley,

 

I'm just wondering how you're doing? I haven't heard from you in a while, so I thought I'd say hi.

 

Remember that phone call we had. How I called you 5 days after the break up, begging for you to come back. But apparently you "moved on." You, "Didn't have feelings for me anymore." Yet, you said in the beginning of October, you were contemplating the break up but backed down because you, "Had too much fun and didn't want to lose me," at the Cider Mill, then when I left for school, you wanted to break up with me again because you were sad at my departure. You wondered if this is how it will always be? Me coming and leaving every couple weeks.

 

Remember the actual break up? After we broke up, I still hung out with you and you tried to kiss me 3 times. You were regretting the break up when you did it, and when I left your house you said you felt like sh*t. You wanted me back but instead of you being a man and calling/texting, using any means of communication, you waited for me to say something.

 

Oh yes, but do you also remember how you've always liked me since 2007, and were too nervous to talk to me because I was "out of your league?" Yet, miraculously, you "got over me" in 2 weeks and is now in a relationship to some girl you've only known for a month.

 

Well darling, can't wait for you to see the new me on Christmas when I give you back your hoodie. Can't wait for all the feelings you've felt toward me to come rushing back and hit you like a bag of bricks. Can't wait for you to realize the mistake you made. So until then, I hope you're having the time of your life.

 

Love,

Brittany.

[SouthernSunshine]

K... I'm staying strong now! They just contacted me via tex, and I turned off my phone. *deep sigh*

[VJW]

It has only been two weeks since we broke up and only 3 days since I moved out. I am still struggling with everything that has happened but I wanted to tell you that I am sorry for my part in the demise of our relationship.

I know for a fact that if we had stayed togetehr nothing would have changed. I was too comfortable and had forgotton how to be passionate with you. I now realize that you need to make effort to make the romance stay alive and I am sorry that for a while I was not willing to do that.

I do know that we are both at fault but I want you to know that I am sorry for making you feel lonely and that I would give anything to change how all of this happened.

I know that we can not get back together right now and that if we ever did it would need to be after we both have healed from this. I promise that in whatever relationship I am in next I will be more attentive and more giving. I will remember the romance and try to make my partner feel wanted and loved.

Another thing I realized is that my job is not the most important thing in my life. Family and being surronded by loved ones is.

Sometimes something incredibly hurtful has to happen to make you realize that you need to change your priorities. I am sorry that I did not have this realization when we were together.

I am on the long and lonely road to recovery and I truly hope we can be friends in the future. If anything this breakup has taught me a lot about myself that I am not proud of and I hope it has done the same for you. I think (hope) in the end that we will be better people for going through this.

[poopierabbit]

Hey Tonya,

 

By now you and I are scanning the metaphorical dating landscape and I'm certain if I'm a bit disheartened, so are you.

 

It seems at the age of 40 and 42 we are a bit beyond the "typical 40 something" stage in life. You and I don't have babies or young kids, we have grown adult children. We started early in life (too early) but now both of us are free.

 

I don't intend to start over again with young children and I suspect you won't either. I think we really should talk, because if one thing is certain, you and I are at the same point. Both of us have grown kids. I also suspect it will be rare and exceedingly difficult to find other former teenage parents that don't smoke a pack a day, and know the difference between Merlot and Cabernet.

 

You and I both, by tenacity alone came up and now have great careers despite the obstacles set before us. Are you so certain you want to throw this (us) away?

 

We really screwed up, Tonya. You and I belong together, there is no doubt in my mind. The only reason I text you and you respond on occasion is both of us are hanging on by a thread - I know it and you know it. I cannot simply let us go our separate ways into our own separate destinies without at least reminding you about what we have and without a fight.

 

The expansive distance does not mute the love that I feel from your coast, Tonya, and I have to believe. Yes, we went through the some tough times, but it is those tough times that should teach us something about each other and we should be looking internally for resolution.

 

Yes, I know you are "happy and at peace." I suppose it will take us a while to heal, but I believe that if there is a loving God or Supreme Being, that we will eventually cross paths again, by choice. If not I have to question the wisdom of the ultimate power.

 

I'm extremely tempted to text to you ask you how being "a brand new mommy is going with another set of young kids" but I won't do it. I'm sure that if I'm going to be alone for the forseeable future, so will you, unless you decide to settle, but that isn't in your nature.

 

I love you.

 

Jordan

Edited November 28, 2010 by poopierabbit

[cerridwen]

I'm pretty angry.

I'm very annoyed you text and hit my Nerve of Compassion. But, I also need to own that my responding is self-serving also because it *IS* contact and after 3 years together, no contact at all has been beyond difficult. Yet other people are doing it so now I need to as well.

Because helping you W, is hurting me.

 

Why am I helping you at all?! Why when you flirted across email and FB with other girls then proceeded to insult my intelligence when I found out? Why not ask for their help W? Ask Laura for help. Ask Courtney for help. Ask Erin or Jennifer. After all, you once chose them over me. So, they must be worth it no? DONT EFFING TEXT ME AGAIN.

[LikeCharlotte]

I'm pretty angry.

I'm very annoyed you text and hit my Nerve of Compassion. But, I also need to own that my responding is self-serving also because it *IS* contact and after 3 years together, no contact at all has been beyond difficult. Yet other people are doing it so now I need to as well.

Because helping you W, is hurting me.

 

Why am I helping you at all?! Why when you flirted across email and FB with other girls then proceeded to insult my intelligence when I found out? Why not ask for their help W? Ask Laura for help. Ask Courtney for help. Ask Erin or Jennifer. After all, you once chose them over me. So, they must be worth it no? DONT EFFING TEXT ME AGAIN.

 

What she said. Arg.

[poopierabbit]

Hey Tonya,

 

The irony, huh? "Post here to avoid communicating with your ex." And yet still, I post here and send you a manipulative text.

 

Honestly, I follow the "NC" acronym loosely and with no real discipline.

 

I sincerely hope you read that text.

 

Right now I'm reading the fundamentals in "How to Win Friends and Influence People" and realized the author managed to summarize our entire relationship problems in two chapters. That's it.

 

You: Wanted to feel important.

 

Me: Wanted to feel appreciated.

 

If I could just turn back the hands of time now. I should have read this book two years ago. It would have saved us, no doubt about it.

 

I still don't ever think it would have touched on our other big issue - sex. I wanted it from you, and you didn't want it so much, or more precisely, pretty much not at all. I understand the problems you had, but a woman that cares would have at least been proactive enough to do something, anything about it - or investigate at a minimum.

 

Once, twice weekly is all I really wanted (well...), but we went for, what? six months at a time? I mean, really? Plus, in the dark for that special occasion? Are you that insecure about your body? If so, I am very sorry and wish there was something I could have done to help.

 

Lastly, here's where the anger creeps in - you weren't very good in bed, in fact you were pretty bad. I really didn't care for the golden showers when you orgasmed and doubt other men would tire of that too. But regardless I loved you for you and would have spent a lifetime with you just as happy.

 

I sincerely doubt you will find another man willing to stay with you over the years unless he has a non-existant libido as well. I doubt they make them like that, unless you count the mid-fifteenth century eunuchs. But no one castrates boys today for the pleasure of their voice. But whatever, don't listen to me.

 

Know nonetheless I love you like crazy and still want things to work, hence the text I sent. Sorry for the anger.

 

Love you,

 

Jordan

Edited November 29, 2010 by poopierabbit

[poopierabbit]

Hey Tonya,

 

I have never slept a full night since the break-up and it is unlikely I will sleep the whole night through tonight. I'm prepared for the inevitable nightmares that consistently haunt my sleep night after night. The nightmare always centers around losing you.

 

Think about that -- night after night I have to dream about losing you all over again. Each night I wake up from the nightmare and my heart sinks with sadness that reality matches the dream. There is no peace for me.

 

I really miss you. Please come back.

 

Call it fate, call it whatever you want, but this break-up feels very unnatural. I don't think we should be doing this.

 

Goodnight, sleep well, and remember that I love you.

 

Jordan

Edited November 29, 2010 by poopierabbit