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polywog

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You are out of my mind... our of my life....

 

I don't need you to be happy...

 

Yes, I still miss you from time to time, miss all those super act cute lovey dovey actions we do for one another.

 

I will be fine, I will be. I'm undergoing a change in myself, going to enrol classes to learn Japanese Language..

 

A brand new life, a brand new me. All for myself.

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well i really couldnt enjoy my holiday cause I kept think about you. How you are probably letting her come and be with you and the family. You just dont understand how this has affected me. The kind of person you are, you never will. Sometimes its not until someone really gets hurt themselves that they can understand the pain they caused to someone else life. I know you took her to your family reunion too. I just want to forget all this happen to me. I know you dont care and Im waiting for the day when I dont either. You hurt me so bad and I didnt deserve it. You just going on with your life like nothing happen. Chances are, this was the best thing for me in my life but I guess i still cant see it. You are a *******. I love you and HATE YOU all at the same time. I love you cause I do but I HATE YOU FOR ALL YOU HAVE DONE!!!! You dont deserve a goood woman like me. I wish I never met you then I wouldnt have to go thru this. You are a jackass!!!!! I have to get ready for work cause there is more important stuff to be doing that writing you about something you dont even care about. I think you are a mother ****ing dog!!!!!!! Stay out my mother ****ing thoughts!!!!! I hate you!!!!

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Tina,

 

You cheated on me early this year. I tried to be a supportive husband and wanted to work things out. We talked about the problems we'd been having and decided we were worth saving. At least I did. You said it, but never followed through.

 

Instead you continued to lie, to cheat, to deceive. Your games lasted for about a month. Once I saw it, I packed your stuff for you and you left. But you still played mind games with me. You still told me you loved me and wanted me. You still told me that I am the best you have ever meet.

 

You ran away with you boyfriend and I let you go. WHY DO YOU KEEP COMING BACK? Leave me alone!

 

I allowed you to take my power. I allowed you to turn me into a pussified doormat. You'd come back crying about how bad things were for you and how much you missed me, and I listened... why? It would last for a few days and then you'd run again. A few weeks later you'd come back.

 

All the pain you put me through, all the lies, the betrayal... I still loved you. I still wanted to make it work. What a joke. September and October were nice, you didn't shown up crying at 3am. I was able to move on and start dating again. I didn't think about you anymore. I felt great about my self and have lost a lot of weight. I was doing good. Then comes the end of October... our sons birthday, halloween, my surgery, my trip to SC.

 

Last month when you came back I thought it was real. It was definitely different than the times before. You confessed the drug problems you developed. You talked about deeper issues. You wanted to get your life back together. I realized that we were through but thought helping as a friend was the right thing to do. Everyone told me not to but I trusted you again. My mistake. After just a week you left again. It settled into my head that the best thing to do was to never see you again. If you want to call and talk to the kids, fine but you and I have nothing left to say.

 

It felt good when I put all your **** out on the driveway. It was over. I could sleep well again.

 

Now it's Thanksgiving and you call again. I still don't know why I took your call. You needed help. You wanted to talk and I even told you there was no point. But I still gave in...

 

It was not the talk I was expecting though. Your actions had made it very clear to me that you had been done with me for months and that I was holding onto nothing. Then you sit down and cry that your fantasy is still for us to be together. I didn't even want to see you let alone talk. I definitely didn't want to talk about us, but I did. I spoke freely and openly again.

 

I don't even know how I agreed to let you stay as a friend only. You needed help and I couldn't put you out. We spent the last four days talking and hanging out and goofing off. It was great. You were sending applications and trying to get your life in order.

 

But only for those few days. Last night you went back to him (even if you did say it was just friends). I will not do this anymore. I cannot.

 

The locks have been changed. The last of your stuff is on the porch.

 

I have nothing left for you.

 

I am not your security blanket.

 

Please don't call me or come to me anymore.

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I despise you for what you have done to me, for what you have made me become. I wish I'd not wasted so many years on such a parasite. I doubt you ever loved me: you're incapable of it. What you think of as love is nothing more than a craving for worship.

 

 

You are such a sick, completely twisted demon that I know that it gives you enormous pleasure to ruin someone's life. You are loving this, totally getting off on the power trip, relishing ways to further twist the knife. All the while telling people you are worried about me? You don't care about me even one tiny bit.

 

 

 

One more victim to notch up, that just makes you feel less crap about your ****ty ****ed up life to destroy some other weak bastard.

 

 

You don't have normal human emotions, not anything like a sense of right and wrong. Completely unable to empathise with a human being in pain. Utter contempt for your friends when they are in need.

 

 

You'll be ok, of course you will. Psychopaths always survive. Just like cockroaches.

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AHHH

 

Hola Q,

 

I don't this mind games that we play...Well at least you don't know nothing that is happening in my life and how bad I had taken this break up. I know that you think that I'm already well and happy. Well you are wrong. I'm sad, lonely, furious, hurt, disappointed. I can see thru some photos and the videos you made that maybe you are happy, and are with her. Maybe I'm wrong and you are not as happy as you seem. But hey you must be a little happy if you screwing that bit#$. And why the hell you keep contacting? You don't want me but you keep sending those e-mails like you are doing lots of stuff to keep your mind busy. Well If you think you are going to fool me and make me feel pity for you well you are wrong. You decided this to end and you have to take the consequences. The consequences of me disappearing of your life. You were very important for me, you were the love of my life, we were building lots of dreams together, and just crashed all down for some pleasure with that bit#$$. Because if she was all that for you and satisfy your emotional and intellectual needs as the physical ones you didn't have to contact me. I can fell that she is not as complete as me. And I'm not going to give the best of both worlds. You lost me Q. I still love like hell and miss you but you betrayed me , hurt me, and just treated me like sh$%. I don't deserve that and I know that deep down you know the mistake you made. It's just that your ego and your self-confidence that you think that you still have me if you decide to come back. Well you are wrong. I'm getting out of here and you don't know it yet. I don't think you must know, well maybe you don't even care.

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Hey Tonya,

 

I only wish you would contact me, because then we could at least start rationally talking about our break-up and why it may not be a good idea.

 

Given all of the cheating bastards out there, and both of us having experienced that in our previous marriages, what makes you so certain it won't happen in the future?

 

We need to work this out between us. I'm willing, are you?

 

Jordan

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yah, my turn!! This is to the ONLY guy that EVER left me a year ago who still has an enormous place in my heart! Motherf******!! *Sorry*

 

Dear Noah,

 

When you met me you said; "I was seeing all these other girls but none of them were you. God, you were so much more beautiful,"

 

When you dated me you said; "I'm so in love with you, I want to be by your side forever with only you as my companion. You give me a light in this world shrouded in darkness," (An actual quote from a poem he wrote me)

 

When you left me you said, typically,; "It's not you, it's me. I need to deal with somethings,"

 

And then I was alone. Completely at a loss, for I had lost the most important thing that had ever happened to me.

 

Then, I met somebody new and realized; HAH. YOU'LL never meet anybody new because YOU don't know how to get out of your MOTHERS BASEMENT YOU LAZY STONER!!!

 

AND THEN when you tried to woo me again you said; "Please, you're the love of my life. You're everything to me,"

 

And I replied; "Hah, you're kidding me, right?" I've already found somebody who treats me better.

 

You left me, you can't call me back whenever you want me! It's over and you ain't never getting with this again!

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Hey Tonya,

 

I know, I know - you're happy. Tell me how it is with one of those sloppy 40 something year old men on top of you. You know, it's not like you're getting any younger and I'm guessing any guy would be in your age range - if I was a betting man, I'd say 43 - 44.

 

Then think back to how I go to the gym six days a week and have a hard body which is totally atypical of a 40 year old. Why you ask? Because my kids are grown! I have a damn good job! I have a life! And I always wanted to look good for you. Tell me, was it worth it?

 

"You ain't never gettin' with this again" (unless I choose it) - ok, fine, I choose it. Hurry back - the first thing I'm going to do is kiss you, second thing is hug you, and third thing is kick you in your ass for being so obstinate about this!

 

Damn.

 

Jordan

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as I sit here all I can think is that the woman I fell in love with never really existed!!!

 

why would you have lied for so long?

 

why would you try to leave in a dignified manner then not let it go?

 

How could you tell me I have been letting you down while you where sleeping with another man?

 

How could you share yourself with someone else while you where sharing yourself with me?

 

After all these months I still wonder these things.. I am dating another girl and have atleast two other woman showing real interest in me. Yet I am still logging into this site and talking about you.

 

you are such a truly vile person, I have tried to step outside the situation and evaluate it from that perspective and I only come to a few conclusions.

 

1- you are truly a broken person and for that I worry about you, and I forgive you because all you have been exposed to is broken homes and relationships. that is not your fault.

 

2- you never really loved me, you just loved the idea of either not being alone or the idea of being married.

 

I am in NC and giving you all the space you need, I will not hide from you either. If your out and I am out and we are at the same place I will not leave this time, I am going to be the man I told you I would be and I am going to share that with someone else. Not only because you left and not to hurt you. Because that is all that can occur now. When you see our old friends and myself out together since your not welcome because of your behaviour, I hope you smell to things. the first being sulfur from all the bridges you burnt and the second being me and how you used to be the only one who got too!!!

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Hi

I Hope you're doing good and everything is working out for you.

 

It isn't working out for me, my life sucks.

I Want you back but i'm not really sure though.

I Miss you, and i'll never forget you.

 

Signed.

X

 

 

This is what it'd look like if i'd cave in to my world of wanting to contact her and ask her to try with me again....but i don't know...

 

*i really do feel like ****, even though she broke up with me.

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strength-abounds

Hey N

 

I am sitting here trying to decide whether to tell you something or not. I have decided that it's best if I post here instead of calling you.

 

I have decided to move back north. I had Thanksgiving dinner with Dad and the family over the holiday. When describing all the events that led to our demise, I realized the lack of anger or animosity towards you or him. It scared and shocked me at the same time. I guess I am starting move in the direction away from you. That makes me a little sad though. I always thought we would beat the odds and start over from scratch. I guess God has something else in store for us. This fact excites me beyond containment. Although I miss our marriage and the friendship we had at one time, I know that I can't get to my goals while being married to you. I wish I could say that I never truly loved you but that would be lie. I did love you, fiercely and with fever beyond comprehension. I still love you but it's a love that can never be acted upon. Kind of like how a cocaine addict loves cocaine.

 

I truly wish the best for you and him. I hope he can give you everything you want in life. I tried my best to do that. Please don't worry about me, I'm a fighter and survivor. Focus on you and new marriage. Focus on raising A and D the best way you know how. They are great kids and deserve a great mother. I know you can do it.

 

Good luck to you.

B

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Hi Q,

 

It's has been two weeks since the last you wrote me. I know that even when I don't answer you I liked your messages. You are still a mean bastard in my mind. But at least I know that you think of me in those moments. But I can understand why you stopped and maybe it's for the best so I can REALLY move on.

 

I wanted to tell you that I'm going to the doctor today. Yes I thought I was clear of C but the thing is they have to make some more studies. I hope everything goes well because I really don't need more pain in my life. I know that you "care" for me but if you really did you didn't made fell all this pain, and lied to me, and exposed to me to things that had made me get sick...I don't want to contact you and that's why I write here...Maybe telepathically you will know what's really happening.

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I used to admire you so much; thought you were so brave, good, and potentially honorable.

 

I thought you were Wyatt Earp.

 

Turns out you were actually Johnny Ringo.

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Hi Q,

 

Went to the doctor today and I got bad news. I need surgery to remove me the "bad things" that can cause me cancer. I really wanted to call you...but I know that I want more than that from you. I want you by my side during this pain that I'm suffering. I still can't believe how bad you treated me and how much you lied to me. This 5 months of NC have been the worst for me but I have to do it. You can't give what I want and you hurt me really bad. I have to keep my pain from our break up aside so I can focus on my health. You can't imagine how much pain I feel right know and all I want are your hugs, kisses and love. But you can't give me that, and even if you do I can't receive it for all the pain you have caused me all this months. If we truly have the connection that I believe you will know what I'm going through and you will wish me the best. I hate that I love you and miss you still...

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collegeguy_24

Hello Jen :)

 

I saw you today, and I know for a fact you saw me and my family. I will admit, it was good to see you again. Your still as beautiful as the day we met. I noticed you kept your hair long, which by the way, was my idea when we were together.

 

I still care for you deeply, and I want you to know you can still talk to me. But you have to extend the branch. I did it during our relationship, and for the first few weeks after. Its your turn.

 

I also noticed how you looked so ashamed when I saw you. Where you ashamed because of how you left me?

 

Were you ashamed because of your current situation? Which happened only after you left me.

 

Or were you perhaps ashamed because you want me back, but you know you don't deserve to ask for another chance?

 

and you would be right, you don't deserve another chance, in fact you don't deserve me. But I will let you in on a little secret, I still want you.

 

If you wanted another chance, I would make you earn it. I worked hard for your love, and for a time I had it. But now, you must be the one to work for it. You must put effort into it.

 

But like all things, it requires a first step, and that step is to contact me.

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**** you *********!

I can't believe that after all this time we've known eachother, you would treat me like this. I can't believe you would just throw me away like a piece of trash. Better yet, rip my heart out and throw it in a garbage disposal. This is driving me insane. I would have given you the world if i could. I was always there for you when you needed me but you were never there for me. When things got a little rocky you just hit the road. I can't believe how you have changed to be so cold and heartless.

I hope you find what you're looking for. I'm sure one day you'll look back and regret leaving me and treating me the way you did.

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Hey XXXXXX. Just to let you know.

 

 

I never want anything to do with you again. You're an evil little coward and I cant believe how good it feels now I don't have you sucking the life force out of me. I'm feeling quite euphoric these days now I'm rid of you. You are rotten to the core. The only thing you have going for you is that you're good looking. But you only have a few more years of that. You'll soon get the face you deserve, when the poison inside leaches out. Treacherous, stinking whore.

 

 

It's funny. I hate YYYYY so much I want his life to be filled with pain, and anguish. For him to lose all hope of happiness. Now he's got you latched on in desperation like a leech, I've got exactly what I want. You'll destroy him, like you tried to destroy me and I don't even have to lift a finger myself. For the next few months, he's going to feel on top of the world: this amazing, charming handsome man wants him! How lucky he is... Ian is stupidly naive, he thinks he has a "happy ever after". But there's no resilience to him, he has no clue how to do a relationship once the lust wears off, as it will. In a few months he will begin to panic about losing you. His insecurities will creep in again: you lied, deceived and betrayed your husband, in his heart he knows you'll do the same to him in the end. He's so weak and feeble, he'll be totally crushed by the very first harsh word from you. You'll pity him, yet despise him for it. And you can't stop yourself forever, you'll tire of wearing the mask in the end and show him your true hideous nature. You will be bound to each other in misery for a very long time, I hope. You will never be able to leave him because of your pride: you have to show your parents, show everyone that he is the love of your life. So you stick with him, even though you loathe him by then. And he will never let you leave. He will use every manipulation he can think of to ensure you are there to share with him this Hell forever.

 

 

I curse you daily, so that your life will end total failure. I'm not sure I need to even bother. You're well on your way to Loserville all on your own.

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Please don't do this, please don't try to start this mess all over again. Just remember how it was 3 months ago, and how much hurt we've been through already. We can't be friends, we still have feelings for each other.

 

Last time I saw you all I could think was how would it feel to kiss you again. I love you still, and I have forgiven you. But please stay strong. I wish you peace and all the best.

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SimonSerenade

Dear Samantha

 

It's been a long road without you by my side, Sometime's feels like I'm the only one who's cried and killed myself inside out over this, There's not a second of the day that you don't cross my mind, I wonder how often you think about me.

 

I worry about you so much, I wonder who's going to look after you while I'm gone, Who's going to be there to put a smile on your face, I no longer care for my well being, I doubt I ever did, I just had enough faith as your first meaningful partner and first sexual partner that I could look after you and cherish the wonderful person you are, The wonderful person you always tend to hide.

 

I didn't want any parting words of meaning or any last hugs or last kisses, I just wanted the assurance that you'd never be as stupid as most and go out there with one night stand's on your mind, You always have and always will mean more than that, Your a precious gem and deserve to be viewed and admired, Handled with love and care, Your so much to me that you just don't see, If I had one wish it would be that you saw that too and admired yourself.

 

I pray night and day for you, Not in the hope that you'll come back to me but the hope you'll find all the love and happiness you need and deserve, I hope the second person who makes love to you does it right and never leaves your side, I didn't make you happy and I'm sorry.

 

If you ever should need me I'll be there in a heart beat but if for whatever reason I'm not the one you need then I'll understand completely and wish and hope for the best in your future, I love you and I always have and always will, Go and find your way to what you need, I'll be there for you every step of the way even if it's just on the sideline's, Good luck sweetheart <3 x

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After another 3 days of NC, you casually text me "Who the f*** will go to Qatar for the World Cup?!"

 

Wait. Did I miss something? Are we actually buddy-buddy instead of dumper-dumpee? Because last I checked, I was making progress toward forgetting you. And you? You were "not trustworthy" a.k.a. a cheater not ready to stop.

 

I'll tell you who will not be going to Qatar--or anywhere else for that matter--us!

 

Jacka$$.

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You say you love and you cry and are so sad about all this but yet there is no changing your mind about breaking my heart.

 

I know you talked about it to ross who only got dumped a few weeks ago and would love nothing more than to see his some time friend be as miserable has he is...he didnt agree with you he just wanted to see you miserable like he is over his ex.

 

I feel like you didnt care at all, like I was nothing to you.

 

The pain i feel right now is unbearable and there is nothing i can do about it. When we gave back our things i saw no love in your eyes only pain and wanting to leave so fast because looking at me you realized how much pain you have put me through.

 

I feel like this is it forever....I feel like I will never see or speak to you again and that pains me because for so long you were the one i talked to about anything and now its not the same talking to anyone else but you.

I hope we meet again one day and I hope this pain goes for both of us..

 

I love so much. I will never forget the good times we had together. But i will also never forget that bus journey home from meeting you for the last time, I cried my eyes out on that bus and i couldn't stop and I will remember that it wasn't you who comforted me but my family...it wasn't you

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It has been more that 2 weeks since I hear of you. Did you really give up? I want to tell lots of things but I just can't. Right now I'm kinda of drunkkkk and I'm tempted to contact you but instead I'm writing here. Guess I'm not drunk enough. I miss you like hell and sometimes I just asked myself if you miss me as I miss you. Maybe not because you are with that stupid bitc$. Well tomorrow I'm gonna see the new Woody Allen film. you know how much I love and how we used to see all of his movies. But since you decided to not be with me I'm gonna go by myself. I'll rather go with you but because I know that's not possible I'm gonna write here tomorrow to tell you what I thought about the movie. Maybe you are going to see it or maybe you will not because it will remind you of me.

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