LikeCharlotte Posted December 6, 2010 Share Posted December 6, 2010 Oi. You. Yes. You. Are you going to clean up the mess you made? I won't deal with your trail of bu****. Get it sorted. I am being more than fair. I am not sure if I will ever forgive you. How could you hurt me just to play some silly game? I won't try to hurt you in return. I won't force you to feel guilt. I am going to deal with it all once I move away but please, I beg you, make the reminders go away. I have to hear about it. I have to see it. These are my friends, my life. This is not my problem. Why do I have to feel the pain? Link to post Share on other sites
angelboots Posted December 6, 2010 Share Posted December 6, 2010 so after a week of chasing your messages eg: "i miss you" "i wish i could fix us because i messed up so bad" "please dont move on until i know what i want because it would hurt me so bad" last night i asked you out right "for a yes or no answer.. do you want a to work this out? i need to know what you are really doing" you sent back (5 hours later at midnight) "sory i cold not rapli, i was at a work diner with my corse cohordinator and it was rude to their costom to talk as they are sri lankran, i will call you tommorow morning has i have to be up early" i send back that i didnt mind if that was the case (knowing full well that you are full of crap again) and then what happens.. no call... no text.. nothing. So i take that as a no.. would have saved you some credit to just come out with that in the first place huh instead of "sory i cold not rapli, i was at a work diner with my corse cohordinator and it was rude to their costom to talk as they are sri lankran, i will call you tommorow morning has i have to be up early" so guess what? I am taking back MY power.. i know longer want you... and oh btw your nothing but a junkie psycho using cheating lying dumb ass who cant spell to save hes life and i saw your web page for uni.. its called spell check dumb ass every second word was spelt wrong and every other line had the WORST grammar mistakes known to man.. my 7 yr old does a better job on her homework.. no wonder your failing. put down the crack pipe!!! ((oh wow it does feel good to say what you are really thinking lol i would never send this but it still feels good to just go "blah")) Link to post Share on other sites
angelboots Posted December 6, 2010 Share Posted December 6, 2010 i have to admit its kind of weird you haven't contacted me today. I was still used to your routine of 'stupid excuses' when i would not contact you for more then 12 hours. I just dont get why you played these games and i allowed it for a whole year. Im mad i wasted a whole year being faithful and kind and waiting on you hand and foot only to have you completely destroy my trust in men and in myself. I always had those feelings you were doing me wrong and you told me i was crazy, that i was your world, your only peice of happiness, that you had never felt so much love with someone. You planned our future, our kids, marriage, our careers and tied them together. We were never apart when things were great, you even called me or would text me every work break and while you were driving to and from work. Then your illness kicked in and your hated me and treated me so mean but i always forgave you and let you come back. One whole year.... gone and when you ended things that was it... you broke up with me because you said i was always running and selfish... i never once ran from you. Not once. that was you. i know your illness gives you a warped sense of martyrdom and Im slowly coming to terms with the fact that this time you really are gone. At least until this cycle ends and suddenly you want me back or you find someone else to feed your narcissism and BPD. I feel sorry for the next girl because you never can or will change. She will think all her dreams have come true, only to end up here like me, totally depleted and shattered beyond belief. I wont be on air this Thursday if you try to tune in, I am going to my mums for a week to get a bit of noise into my life.. This empty house reeks of your absence from my life. Everything here reminds me of you, the home i made "for us" that you never did move into. I am glad you haven't messaged because in this state i would probably buckle, Im hurting so bad but bet your not even thinking about me, not in the way I'm mourning the loss of you. I keep swinging from loving and missing you to feeling so mad at you, i entertain the thought of hating you but you know me... Ive never been able to hate anyone. I wish i could hate you.. you've done some down right disgusting things to me this year. Guess not hating you makes me feel weak at the moment. day one of no contact... ouch i hope you stay away from me. i really am ready for this to end now... i know its a "process" but it will be an easier one with out actively in it. loving you but still staying strong, Gabii xxxxx Link to post Share on other sites
wicar1 Posted December 6, 2010 Share Posted December 6, 2010 (edited) Hey Ex, This is D-day..... I know you don’t know it yet. Still I remember that kind hearted lovely girl whom I loved. I still remember the first time we met at our friend’s wedding. Wow!! how amazing you were.. And how happy we were. May be if I had a time machine I would have gone back in time and told myself “Don’t fall in love with her dude, she‘s gonna hurt you real bad” I know you are not doing so well. You might wonder how I know this living miles away. Well I heard from our mutual friends and your parents. Yes, your parents still love me. I call your parents once in a while. There were some things I wanted to tell you after D but my pride, anger never let me tell you. It's been more than a year since we got D. I still miss you and probably will forever. I still love you and will forever. You are the first person I ever fell in love with and I still think you will be the last person. It does not mean I want you back or we can be together. I love you but I don’t want you back. Remember? On our first date I told you that I cannot stand betrayal, dishonesty? Well that is the reason I hate you. Do you remember saying that I was your first partner? And that I will be your last partner. Remember? I had the same idea and we vowed each other that we would follow this no matter what happens... Well... I don’t need to remind you, that you broke the promise!!! Worse... it was while we were married. I am proud that I follow it still. who knows in the future I might have second thoughts. I don’t know if you knew this... I never told you because I hardly ever talked to you after D-day. Well ex, I saw you in bed with other guy... In our bed. Shocking eh ? I was shocked too. I was damaged beyond imagination. You might wonder how I could have walked away seeing that sight, and be silent about it for so long. Well you know me don’t you... I don’t lose my head...it was one week before I confronted you with all those photos of you and him. I remember that day, you cried like hell. Nope I didn’t take the photos the guy I hired did. The idea might look sick but believe me it was my key to an advantageous D and you know how. You wanted to explain but I never gave you the chance to do so... To me it was all over the day I saw you with him. I must admit it killed me seeing you cry like that. I know I was a bit harsh on the D issue. I even kind of blackmailed you with the photos. I won the most in our D even though I did not need any of that stuff. Hadn’t you cheated on me, I would have given everything to you and would have walked away. I am sure you know that, someway I had to show my frustration and anger and D became my playground. Your affair did hurt your parents very much especially your father. One thing you never knew was, your father helped me with the D. He was so pissed with you. After D-day you tried to contact me many times. I didn’t answer the phone nor replied your emails. I even deactivated my face book account just to get away from you. My phone was with me all the time you rang... but I never chose to answer. Every time you came to meet me at my office or at ... place I was there even though you got the message I was not there. I want to tell you it was hard on me too. Whether I like it or not, I loved you so much and it made me feel awful every time you got disappointed failing to see me or contact me. To me it was all over on D-Day. The guy you had the affair with... He was a real loser wasn’t he? He just wanted you in bed. To this date I do not know, why you weren’t wise enough to know this fact. Your father told me you never saw him after D-day but it is too late ex. I heard from my friends that, this guy is now happily married, also heard his wife is cheating on him with one of my college mates. I guess karma is teaching him a lesson. But why did you cheat on me? I sacrificed many things for you including my job and the city I used to live. I was there for you always. Everything in our house happened as you wished. I spent more than enough time with you. Still why did you start something with him. Was it because he had the bad boy looks and I was decent. He doesn’t even have a proper job or a home. May be it is true women fall for the bad boy look even after knowing they are losers. Thanks to you, after our divorce I could concentrate more on work. It gave me relief and helped me forget the whole D mess. My career is great now and financially I am doing very well. I can say I am very successful now. Still I feel incomplete without you. I would have loved to share my success with you. Again it does not mean I want you nor it means we can be together. But after the D, your father said you turned towards drugs. Last month he said your rehab worked and that you are away from it. That’s good to know. May be there was a time I wished that you and other guy should get hit by lightning someday... lol but now I am matured enough not to think about you. Do you see how badly your affair has damaged you and your families? Is that guy worth it? I hope you learnt your lesson now, at least in your future relationships it would help you. The whole A thing has damaged me so much. I never told you. It killed me. May be you knew it. Now I hate every cheater on this planet. I even hate movies in which people cheat, I feel like I am being cheated again and again. Thanks to you I hate relationships too. The wound you caused might have healed but the scar is deep and might never go away. I am not blaming you, It’s just I loved the wrong person. I can’t help it though. Anyway..... Have a great life ex. don’t ever cheat. P.S don’t try to contact me. It's all over. Edited December 6, 2010 by wicar1 Link to post Share on other sites
Zansatsu Posted December 6, 2010 Share Posted December 6, 2010 [begin SMS] I know it doesn't matter now but I really wish I had worked everything out with you. Times were good and you were awesome. Hindsight is a bitch. I miss you. Take care. [end SMS] ... Nevermind that you never appreciated what I did for you. I cooked. I cleaned up after your lazy ass. I PAID FOR EVERYTHING and you wouldn't even buy effing groceries. I'm still paying your mooching ass off. I made sure that your every whim in bed was met, despite the fact that you never met all of mine. You moved on quick after you settled into Alaska. I also think its very funny that the guy you hooked up with was someone you met while you were up there "just doing preparations for the move." Couch surfing is an excellent way to meet new people and line up the next boyfriend and plan the current one out of your future. It makes me wonder what you were really talking about all those times you got phone calls from a "co-worker." Yeah, fecking right! I listen to "Apocalyptica - I don't care" and sing it loud and proud because the funny thing is, I don't really care whether you are dead or still alive. Alaska is a harsh place. Oh, and one more thing, I feel very sorry for your BF. He'll find out how lazy and high maintenance you are and come to the same conclusion I did. I hope to hell that he comes to the realization quicker than I did before he spends way too much time and money on you. It's a shame I don't know his name or I would tell him. Meh, he'll find out. Good luck to you both. I hope this is the end of your pattern of using guys for all their worth. Of course, what can I expect from someone with ZERO self-respect. Bye bye sweetie! I'm enjoying all the time I freed up by letting your needy and clingy ass go. You made me realize that I don't need anyone and being alone is healthy when you have no healthy options. I will find someone who understands mutual respect, and she will have more than you could've ever coerced out of me. {Does his best Dave Chappelle impression} Have fun in Fairbanks BETCH! Link to post Share on other sites
angelboots Posted December 7, 2010 Share Posted December 7, 2010 (edited) DAY 2 OF NO CONTACT: *woke up and checked phone* No messages... ...... ...... ...... no messages?...... ...... ...... ..... AWESOME :lol: today is going to be a great day provided you dont contact me but even if you do.. which i do expect you will tomorrow as you never last more then three days with out needing me to boost your BPD ass out of a slump... i wont be replying. Why you ask? because not carrying your issues for you feels good to me.. I had a dream last night that we were stranded on a desert island, you were so excited that you had me to yourself but you were also gloating that you had all your baggage to get you through and asked if i wanted to carry it for you in exchange for you sharing what you had... guess what i did? I drew a line right down the middle of the island and said thats your half... this is mine dont talk to me and keep your baggage on your side.. oh and by the way, i have the fresh water on my side.. and the coconut tree.. see ya and walked off. felt good ) oh.. and i still do not see us being friends at the end of this.. one thing you cant control anymore with your illness?? ME Edited December 7, 2010 by angelboots Link to post Share on other sites
LikeCharlotte Posted December 7, 2010 Share Posted December 7, 2010 I had a dream last night that we were stranded on a desert island, you were so excited that you had me to yourself but you were also gloating that you had all your baggage to get you through and asked if i wanted to carry it for you in exchange for you sharing what you had... guess what i did? I drew a line right down the middle of the island and said thats your half... this is mine dont talk to me and keep your baggage on your side.. oh and by the way, i have the fresh water on my side.. and the coconut tree.. see ya and walked off. felt good ) This reminds me of an episode of Mighty Boosh. It's brilliant. I am going to use your metaphoric dream for inspiration if you wouldn't mind too much. Link to post Share on other sites
Brightmoon Posted December 7, 2010 Share Posted December 7, 2010 A year on and it still f****** hurts. Link to post Share on other sites
Fermentum Posted December 7, 2010 Share Posted December 7, 2010 It's been a great day. I think I've only been thinking about it because I was talking with my brother about me...and then the move...and then the breakup...and then you. I shouldn't though. I had a great hang-out with A today. Feeling good, even though school has me so stressed. I also broke and went to look at a picture of you. Or unblock you. Or look up her. But I stopped myself, despite being so tempted. Today I thought about you when I woke up, but it didn't bother me. Today was the first day I concretely realized that I had the power to make it better. To just stop thinking about you and the life we had planned. To take the first steps to letting go. And it's going to be a long time yet. I still think about the life we had planned, how we ended now to get back together down the road. But I think that's just wistful thinking. I think age and distance are the culprits here; but that doesn't mean I'm not going to do my damnedest to move on and up in the world without you. I'll meet someone as beautiful, smart, funny, who isn't so lazy, vain and who doesn't throw away her gifts. This couldn't have ended any other way; I only wish I'd learned that before all the pain of the post-break up. Link to post Share on other sites
angelboots Posted December 7, 2010 Share Posted December 7, 2010 This reminds me of an episode of Mighty Boosh. It's brilliant. I am going to use your metaphoric dream for inspiration if you wouldn't mind too much. lol feel free i think it is why i woke up feeling strong today middle fingers in the air type mood... i hope it lasts Link to post Share on other sites
alittlejaded Posted December 7, 2010 Share Posted December 7, 2010 I dreamt about you last night. I was doing so well until this happened. I thought about you all day-- such sweet torture. We kissed and held each other... we were teenagers again--afraid we were going to get caught. You were trying to tell me something, but only then did I realize it was the radio on the alarm clock... how sad. Some days I wish you had never existed or that I could erase you, but then I would be missing out on dreams like this. I know it can be nothing more. Link to post Share on other sites
TLCbear Posted December 7, 2010 Share Posted December 7, 2010 DN, It's hard for me to say...but, I don't think this is working. I just have to work up the nerve to tell you. Yes, we agreed to give it a second chance and wipe the plate clean, but it's just so hard for me right now. I see exactly how hard it is to regain the trust I once had for you. It is sooo hard letting you earn my trust because I know it's a big possibility I will never trust you like that again. I love you, miss you, and want to be with you, but I want that sweet and caring guy I had once. I can see that you are trying...and everything was good for a couple of weeks...but now I'm not so sure. The two days I didn't hear from you, my mind started to wondered...are you up to your old tricks again??? The words that came out of your mouth when asked, "Why didn't I hear from you?" didn't seem to be true. I'm scared, I don't want to get hurt by you again. Now if I can only tell you. Link to post Share on other sites
Username37 Posted December 7, 2010 Share Posted December 7, 2010 I'm feeling a lot better now ex. I see you and your boy everyday, but I learned that one day, his heart is gonna break and he too will think you're a total bitch. He's so whipped, so blind, to see your ugly side. Poor boy....he'll find out soon. And for the girl I'm hang with now, I should've been with her in the first place. So many people believe that. Face facts: you are a terrible human being and will be miserable fat slob in the future. You wanted to be friends? You ****ed that up big time Meg. You're a liar, a hypocrite, greedy, and the most selfish person ever. Link to post Share on other sites
Fufu Posted December 7, 2010 Share Posted December 7, 2010 Who needs you? Nah no one... Everyone is too "worthy" for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Zansatsu Posted December 7, 2010 Share Posted December 7, 2010 Why.... Why.... Oh...... WHY the HELL, do I still miss you? I alternate between cursing you and wishing you were here. Oxytocin: Nature's Heroin It makes good people make bad decisions. It makes smart people, stupid. We all want it, until we get burned and our fix is gone. Then we want a fix for the fix's absence. Oh Oxytocin, how I loathe/love you! >.< Link to post Share on other sites
ryan152 Posted December 7, 2010 Share Posted December 7, 2010 I loved you so much and would do anything for you. I would have tried long distance. 5 hours is nothing. I would have made that drive weekly for you. But apparently I wasn't worth it. Just remember that when you do want me back, I won't be here anymore for you. Once my broken heart heals, you'll be a shade. It won't matter who you are with or what you do, you'll be that girl I loved that shattered me, and never cared to look back. Link to post Share on other sites
angelboots Posted December 7, 2010 Share Posted December 7, 2010 Day three no contact... cleaning out my photos today and saw that latest picture of you... wow you have gone south.. well your stomach has.. your hair line has gone north and your only 26... For the first time i actually saw you with out the rose tinted glasses of "love" on.. my friends and family were right. i really DO date some seriously unattractive guys. Guess it was about time i saw how much your inner ugly matched the outter.. Please God make sure he doesn't contact me again today. IM HEALING!!! Link to post Share on other sites
cerridwen Posted December 7, 2010 Share Posted December 7, 2010 I was just about to text you. Good thing I deleted your work number and don't know it by heart. I am so anxiety-ridden about R. I don't know why she hasn't contacted me but I'm worried. Does she know? Did you tell her? Does she hate me? It's not like her not to respond for 2 days. I can't imagine you telling her but maybe you did by accident. Or maybe she discovered it on her own. I hate how paranoid I feel. I'm so glad I don't remember your number. Link to post Share on other sites
bl22 Posted December 7, 2010 Share Posted December 7, 2010 I miss you so much Link to post Share on other sites
thezappa Posted December 7, 2010 Share Posted December 7, 2010 We talked today and everytime my phone went off with a message my heart jumped. We may have just talked as friends but i really wanted to say I love you. I care for you. I miss you so much it hurt me when we ended our conversation. You said we would talk soon. but we both know i wont hear from you and im not going to be contacting you. Even though i would drive 2 hours to see you right now i wont. You have your friend who you can heal with and i have no one to heal with. I just want you back in my life. I have no problem being alone and its not that i need someone, its that I need you. All I want for Christmas is you. my heart is so sore without you. Link to post Share on other sites
SimonSerenade Posted December 7, 2010 Share Posted December 7, 2010 Dear Samantha I suppose Christmas time was never ever going to be easy without you, I just know I'm going to have the worst possible time and wind up in tears at some point while your out there probably having the time of your life, It's nearly been 4 months since you told me you didn't love me any more and couldn't be with me, It kills me how I was kneeling before you begging you to spare my feelings and it's almost like a demon was looking back kicking me right back down to hell. I find it so hard to believe you could be so cruel, It was a hell of a lot to take in, Your not the same person I remember, I still trust you have all your values and your morals but as for all the lovely thing's you used to say to me and all the amazing thing's you did, There gone, You were never happy with what you had, You always wanted more, Maybe that's why you left, Simply because I wasn't good enough for you, I gave it my all and though I failed somewhere down the line, I can at least have pride at how great I've been to you since you split up with me and just how hard I tried to keep you around. I'll never understand how you could leave and discard me so easily so many time's when even the mere thought of doing that to you made me crumble, No matter what you said and did I always stood by you, I'm starting to believe I did it all so foolishly, You gave birth to our child, We were happy, You up'd and left for your others with not a thought for what was best for all three of us, It was all you, You then finished me because I wasn't happy with your decision, My first night without you and Lucas was probably my worst and just getting through the day with the thought of you hating me as there was no other explanation for ripping apart our family like that just killed me. Eventually 2 months on I get to a place inside my heart where I felt I could be okay on my own and you come back just to put me right through it all over again, You promise you'd eventually be back with me and every time the day came you'd never follow through and you'll never understand the disappointment I felt on those days as I truly believed you'd come back every single time you promised you would, You never once stopped to think about what you did to me, If you ever realise I hope you lay in bed awake for days on end in disgust at what you became, I hope you cry me a river and drown in your tears cause right now it would be what you deserve. You left me so many time's and said so many thing's that left me simply without words to reply to, I always stood by you and never left even when anybody else with sense would of took there pride right there and then and bolted, I flushed all that down the toilet for you cause you were all I ever wanted and all I ever needed in my life, No doubt about it yet you doubted me all along and obviously now you feel somebody else can do a better job. I lost so much before you, I lost a real chance at a family with somebody who pretty much respected me in every aspect of the person I was, You couldn't accept my depression and the reason for it, You couldn't hold me close and be there for me, I still loved her and that's not something I could help, I couldn't forget those last few moments of her life when I found her there, I felt helpless knowing there was nothing I could do to save her, You'll never feel that desperation and you'd never of helped me along with her death because you were too pre occupied selfishly thinking of the others who'd died around you and I was there for you every step of the way through that. I loved you with every ounce of my being and I did the best I possibly could, I gave you what any woman would of wanted yet it still wasn't enough, You won't affect who I am nor will any aspect of my past as the person I am isn't based on that, I better myself through hard experiences and you foolishly worsen yourself through yours and find excuses to treat people like garbage, One day you'll grow up and you'll realise all of this and when you do just know I won't be there to pick up any of the pieces because you don't deserve me. Link to post Share on other sites
LoveTruthChaos Posted December 7, 2010 Share Posted December 7, 2010 Dear R, I barely even think of you anymore. It's only because of PMS that I feel a bit miserable today. PMS is the magical cause of all the demons in the closet resurfacing. You know, I gave you everything. You were my first love, I gave you my heart. You were so charming, I gave you my trust. You were so special to me, I gave you my virginity. I don't regret any of it. But there is one thing I do regret. A month before you left me for her, I shared with you a song. A song that I have loved since childhood. A song that gave me hope for magical love from such a young age. A song about what first love should be. A song that stayed with me, all my years. The song I held in my heart with such honor, that one day I would have the same. I shared that song with you, and you loved it too. You made a fleeting comment right during my favourite lyrics that I will never forget. It was at that moment that I knew that my beloved song, which I was sharing with you because that's how I felt about you...I knew you were associating it with someone else. You stole my innocence that day. Link to post Share on other sites
LoveTNT Posted December 8, 2010 Share Posted December 8, 2010 I grabbed my laptop quick and signed in to LS. I don't want to contact you. I know I won't get what I want from it. I want to tell you what's been going on: I got a promotion at work, exciting. I applied to universities, exciting. I'm healing... but still hurt. You always were excited for me and took me to nice dinners and we would make a toast. Ugh, you abandoned us because you say you're extremely hurt... I know I know. But goodness when does this just go away completely. You hold on to the remedy that only is keeping you bitter. Like I told you 2 weeks ago in that email. You were being a brat and the next morning you email me, after i left you alone and you said that you do recall fondly our trips and the love we grew, ugh. Why say that and act the way you do. You say you want to feel better; well hope you're doing things that will help that. I just want to continue moving forward. It actually hasn't been that bad this xmas. Yes I spend my sad minutes each day, but it's not all day anymore.... You suck. Link to post Share on other sites
BorderRogue Posted December 8, 2010 Share Posted December 8, 2010 Dear Santa, I've been remiss in my letters but you know that. I'm not gonna explain why as I think you have enough to do and since you are Santa you know already. I'm not doing so good. I miss her alot, you know "her" the one I told you about last year while sitting on the edge of the Grand Canyon. I wasn't gonna jump I just wanted a place to dump my heart out but I don't think that place was big enough to unload all my love. My second xmas without her. First one was bad, this one.. not so much. I'm okay. I'm guessing you're tapping the big Florsheims' with impatience right about now, so here it is. Just let me heal and be done. She can go wherever. I don't want to think about that gorgeous smile, those laughing eyes and ache for those strong warm arms. No more Santa. I'm done. See what you can do and don't send me any more Dr. Phil tapes, he don't work and his accent grates my ears and testicles. Coke and Jack are always waiting and this year, beef jerky! Love, Rogue Link to post Share on other sites
NorthBound Posted December 8, 2010 Share Posted December 8, 2010 Thank you so much. I'm changing my number tmrw after finally getting away from anyone affiliated with you, your "family" or your "friends." It's been almost 8 months and I can still imagine you in my arms, I can still feel that unconditional love. Nothing can compare to the pains I felt in my heart those first 6 months though, I've been through a lot and that was more then I could handle... Was way too close to ending it all. And to think I cared that much for someone like you... Someone I truly despise as a person. Your lies, love and telling me to just leave you alone will always be somewhere in my memory. Hopefully you, your mother, your father, brother, grandpa, uncles and all those "friends" find exactly what you're looking for Link to post Share on other sites
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