Post here instead of contacting your ex!

[setmarc21]

Dear J,

 

I just wanted to tell you that I'm disgusted by the choices you make. I didn't tell you this in person because I was trying to be nice, but you've taken this too far. Yes, I was the one who ended our so-called "relationship" but how can you say I dumped you when we had only been on one date? Not to mention we agreed not to be boyfriend/girlfriend for at least a while (in my mind, a while was somewhere between a few days to a few weeks; apparently, in your mind, a while was a few minutes).

I said my reason for ending things was because I wasn't ready to be in a relationship, and I was jumping in to things quickly. That was not a lie, but it was only part of the full truth.

The bigger truth is that at some point during our brief whatever-you-want-to-call-it, I realized that you're a selfish, manipulative, inconsiderate brat who doesn't give a crap who she's with as long as she's with someone. You blame everybody else, and yet you will not acknowledge a single one of your own faults. You had just barely dumped your last boyfriend hours before you decided to go out me, even though we talked about it and agreed not to jump into a relationship yet (and you blame me for "dumping" you?).

I also ended it out of consideration for your ex, since I felt like I was stealing you from him, and I had some respect for him at the time. Now that I've had the chance to be a target for his incredibly pathetic, hypocritical, juvenile threats (he called me an "emo-pansy piece of sh-t"... I got a good laugh out of that one ), I've come to realize that he's just as selfish as you are. You think he's defending you, but he doesn't give a crap about you. He just wants me to be the bad guy so that he can divert the blame away from himself. You both deserve each other, because you are both liars, manipulators, and you care about nobody but yourselves.

And I can't stand that you have him convinced that you actually care about him enough for him to say, "I'm not afraid to defend her honor." Tell me, is there honor in flirting with other guys when you're still in a relationship with him? Is there honor in dumping him and then, just hours later, jumping on to the next guy who just wanted to offer some emotional support? I realize I was acting childishly by agreeing to go on a date with you at that time, but come on! You agreed to it without a second thought... which, quite honestly, kind of freaked me out.

It makes me want to vomit that you're desperate enough to get back together with him after it was made obvious that you two make each other miserable. For crying out loud, stop jumping from one guy to the next! Your value as an individual does not come from what your boyfriend thinks of you (and I am quite astounded at the kinds of slobs you tend to latch on to). Take a break from dating and go find some true self-esteem for a change!

And you keep blaming me for hurting you!?! We went on one date! You shouldn't have even emotionally invested yourself!! Sure, I changed my mind a little quickly, and I acknowledge that this is partially my fault. But you and your fat, hairy dog are acting like I'm the ONLY one to blame! We talked about it, and if I recall correctly, you said, and I quote, "We definitely shouldn't jump into a relationship yet. If we take things too fast, it'll be weird." I'm amazed that I actually thought you meant what you were saying. Next thing I know, you're acting like we've already been dating for months, if not years, and your heart shattered into a million pieces when I realized we were both making a mistake and doing this for the wrong reasons. You were doing it because you were desperate. I might have been a little desperate too, but at least I was the one who put a stop to it before it got any worse.

And I can't believe you had the gall to say that I was doing this to intentionally hurt you and get you out of my life! When I told you we shouldn't do this, I did so in the most loving way I could possibly do, and I even said that we could try again in the future. And you say I'm lying, and that I was just using you and getting pleasure out of hurting you!? You've known me for years! Do I really seem like the kind of person who enjoys hurting people!?! If I really was that kind of person, don't you think I would have let it last longer so that I could actually gain some pleasure from you before I dumped you?? That is the exact OPPOSITE of what I wanted, and I am completely insulted that you would think I'm such a selfish pig like that! You have no idea what it is like to be made the badguy after trying to make the right choices! I try to be nice, and everyone freaks out and treats me like a monster! I sincerely cared about you, but you've shown me that you think of no one but yourself.

I honestly hope that one day you will grow up and realize that the world doesn't revolve around you. Honestly, I think your boyfriend is a lost cause, and I think you're better off without him. But maybe there's still hope for you, and if you ever want to learn to be happy, then you'll stop depending on other people as your source of self-esteem. Grow up, get over yourself, and stop living in fantasy land. I'm sorry you got hurt, but it was your own fault for investing yourself in a relationship that only existed in your little mind.

 

Sincerely,

setmarc21

[marqueemoon4]

Amanda-

 

You said my inability to let our marriage go and accept divorce means there is something wrong with me. Did you ever stop and think that being completely cold, heartless and having no conscience whatsoever is "normal"?

[Mrlonelyone]

Dear S,

 

To your BF it looks like he won. Little does he know what I know about you. You may also think you got what you really need...little do you know.

 

I know your antics causing drama. I had the paitience to deal with them without blowing up at you. The man you chose to spend your time with now...

 

Let me put it this way, now that you have opened the door to his controlling all your communications it's not going to stop with me. He will gradually make you totally dependant on him, and likely end up abusing you.

 

One more thing. I wish you would think first of our son. Is being with this man worth keeping him away from the only family he's ever known...your brother's/his uncles? Perhaps you could send him to live with them, and send money to them for his upkeep so you can screw up your own life and not his.

 

Anyway I will not pine for you. To tell the truth I have been talking to another woman for quite a while and I have started to fall for her, and she for me. She's better for me than you would have been. She is a young beautiful opera singer...in fact I'm listening to her sing right now. She makes my heart soar and soothes it in so many ways.

 

I hope you have a nice life... but every indication is you will look back at your decision and realize how bad you ****ed up. I'm getting off your emotional carousel for good this time.

 

Good bye.... you will always have been my first love, and there will be a soft spot for you.

[davisc123]

How can I ever love anybody else the way I love you? You're on my mind constantly.

 

The laughs we've had.

 

The memories we've shared.

 

I genuinely thought that we would be married one day, and that we would grow old together.

 

I can't muster any type of emotion for another girl. It's been 7 months.

 

I'm really scared because I don't think I'll find anybody else capable of making me happy like you did.

 

Of breaking my heart like you have.

 

You've taken a part of me away.

 

Beautiful you.

[marqueemoon4]

I hate that I've become the "estranged" husband, and soon to be ex-husband. Ugh, if I had it to over again

[GoingInsane]

Well if you have any thoughts for me left at all, you will have noticed that I've removed you from Facebook and no longer want to talk to you, see you or hear from you. You've humiliated me by boosting your own ego by keeping me in your life. You've lied to me for months. You've used me for a place to stay, someone to buy you food, someone to give you support and advice when things go wrong. You probably won't care that you've lost that, not now you've got J to play with and obsess over and create a version of your perfect life with. You won't need to feel guilty any more - I've cut you out so you can slag me off to your friends and feel no remorse for what you have done. You don't need to worry about me any more, or pity me, or feel bad that I'm devastated over losing you. Because I've given you a get out. You couldn't even be bothered to do that, could you?

 

I truely hope that you will be unhappy with J - as petty and childish as that sounds. Yeah, its exciting right now, but will J listen to you obssess about work, watch as you sulk, pay for everything? Can you trust someone who has cheated so many times in the past - with you the last in a long line? Do you feel secure that you're the one now, no more cheating? I wouldn't. I'd be looking over my shoulder. Maybe you could start looking at their mobile phone like you did with me - just making sure that nothing is going on. When you find it, will you challenge it or keep quiet? Driving yourself mad that perhaps life isn't so perfect after all. You and J will crash and burn, I have no doubt about that. Hope you don't fall too hard when it happens.

 

Me? I'm going to stop pining for something that was never really there, stop pining for the rose tinted image I've had of our relationship since we split. You weren't the love of my life. You didn't make my heart beat faster when I saw you, you didn't make me want to rip your clothes off or make plans for the future. So I can get on with my life now, I can stop feeling guilty that I didn't return your love fully and that's why you left me.

 

See you around some day.

[cerridwen]

This is why NC is important: Had I texted you last night when I wanted to so badly, I'd be kicking myself today--absolutely HATING MYSELF!

 

I no longer care if you're mad at me. This is stupid.

Over the holidays I lost some ground and started missing you.

Now it's a new year.

I won't be visiting this thread again because that means I'll be thinking of you with too much energy.

That Will, is going to stop.

 

THANK GOD I DIDN'T TEXT YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Bluesnow34]

Happy New Years!

 

It will be two weeks tomorrow since you let me go and I still cry every day...although the time between each crying spell gets greater as the days go on. What's hard is that you admit that we are great for each other and perfect in every way, you just can't do the distance thing...even though we talked about it not being forever...I guess I was not worth it to you to stick it out.

 

I will never understand how we talked about the distance and you made the first step to try and then just let me go. I am sad as somehow in my crazy mind I thought you would text me Happy New Years like I did for you on Christmas. Today is the 7th day of NC and I wish I could just text you Happy New Years so that you know I still care. I wonder if you thought about me as the the new year came. I think about you all the time, I miss you, I love you.

[Mrlonelyone]

Dear S

 

I know why you have acted the way you did. You know you treated me wrong, and you still care on some level. You look at your life and see that you are still in the same basic place you were six years ago. Still answering phones for a living, still living in a house you don't own.

 

While I have advanced in my career in a way that your family likely told you a black person never would.

 

You were told not to be with me because being with someone like me would ruin your life... when in fact... if you had been with me... you may have done better.

 

Your son would have had his father, you would have been encouraged to achieve, you would be your own woman.

 

Now instead you are going from dependence on family to dependence on a man who sees you as property. It hurts me most to see two people I care about do so poorly. Why could you not get with a Doctor, someone who would support you and treat you with respect and dignity. It just does not make any sense... Do you like to be miserable? Do you just like the drama that much?

 

Take care of our son... I can't wait until he seeks me out when he grows up. how I will hug him.

[Owz600]

/begin rage

 

AHHHHHHHHHHHH@@@@@@@@@@@ ....... AHHHHHHRGGGGHH@@@@@@

 

You dragged me on for months! Finally in the last 2 months you started dropping hints but they was hurtful why didn't you just talk to me! I always had to be the one to bring our relationship up!!! You changed so much!!!!! Your focused so much on your career you forgot about your partner, thats why this relationship failed I would only see you one every week or two because you would make no effort to see me!!! Why then on christmas day did you let me spend a lot of money on you and you got me close to nothing! Knowing that we was going to finish a few days after. Plus this boy you call a friend who obviously fancies you and you say you don't like him but I can see your interested in him why did you have to start messaging each other while going out with me???!! Why did you private message each other and him pick you up in his car for 3 hours to 'talk' , I know your either secretly seeing him now or will be in a few weeks. But let me tell you something Yes I did change during our last year in a relationship but thats wasn't all just me! That was you also, you changed and became sad and grumpy and didn't see your friends, you weren't fun anymore and made NO EFFORT!!! I am fixing my problems now I just wished you brought it up months before so I was able to deal with it. But ye thanks! You ripped my heart out and spat it on the floor followed by a stamp. Cheeeeersssss@@@@@@

 

/ end rage

[LikeCharlotte]

I waited for what felt like forever for some sort of closure. I know that is an illusion but thank you a million times. It took almost 3 years; a testament to how much we really cared if nothing else. I am overwhelmed with how well we did with the mess we made. You are really very amazing and I'll remember you with nothing but fondness. So many questions answered. I hate to say it but I think you were right. We were not ready for that relationship and we were only hurting each other. I know what I really want now and I am lucky that I didn't hurt you figuring that out. I am pretty sure I would have. Knowing how the last few years have played out I know I would have left you to chase a specific rabbit. I don't think a steel cage and threat of death would have kept me away from him. My hindsight is being helped by some rose tinted glasses but who cares at this point?

 

I am filled with hope and that was one hell of a New Year's resolution. Resolved. I don't want to keep our contact too open but let's stay in touch while it is still beneficial. Good people are rare in this world and I am sorry I was so willing to cut you out when all you needed was time. I can be a little selfish. The truth is that I was hurt and it turned into numbness.

[durkadurka]

Hey Anna you cum dumpster,

 

Glad to know it took you a whopping 3 weeks to find someone else. Thanks for the ****ing loyalty. I didn't ask for much you slut.

[stopthemadness]

OK, it seems a few of us have had a rough time with the darned NC. I had fantasies today of unloading all this anger, longing, and "WTF" onto my ex. I am creating this thread as a place for all of us in pain to post instead of contacting Ms/Mr ex. It could actually be kind of fun, at least a release.

 

I had a friend with a terrier dog who used to look out the window and whenever he saw another dog or squirrel or whatever dogs want to kill he would grab the nearest object and shake it furiously, all the while glaring at the object of his hatred, and barking/growling with his mouth full. It was hilarious and poignant, and I have to say, I relate to that pup!

 

What would you like to tell him or her? Even if it's been building up for years, post it here! Rage-fest! Longing-fest! DO NOT CONTACT that frigging ex, put it all here!!

Gess I really hate my ex 2day, I hope he ends up alone for the rest of his life, cause everyone hes trys to get with dont work out!!!I hope I was the best thing that ever happened to him. I hope he miss me as much as I miss him(not).I hope one day he looks back and thinks. Dam I should have stayed with her!!!!!!!!!!Thats what I hope 2day anyway........

[Hades]

_ _ _ _ _,

 

I forgive you. I forgive me.

 

I pray that you continue to press in and be the man God wants you to be ... He will finish what He started in you. He makes all things beautiful in His timing.

[Bluesnow34]

You ruined the friendship that we created. We were doing well being friends...we talked about taking the next step and what the consequences would be. You pushed away and so did I. Then one day...you took that step and I followed. I followed because you told me not to worry, that you would always be there for me, that this was permanent, I didn't have to worry about cheating, emotional or physical abuse ever again in my life.

 

You told me I was the other half of your soul, that we were created for each other. You said you never met anyone like me, that you looked forward to spending the rest of your days with me, that I made you feel like no one else did.

 

I wish I could go back to when you sent me that song...I'm So Into You by Fabolous and Tania and just have kept pushing away. I would still have my friend by my side, the one I could tell anything to without fear of being judged. I have the youtube video saved in my favorites and have not been able to watch it. I don't want to hear the words, they remind me of how we used to be.

 

In one day, you had time to think and found yourself. Really? You found yourself? In one day huh....guess there was not much to find.

[eidolon]

I miss you so much. I want to see you, and I want you to hold me again, and tell me you love me, and I don't want it to be a lie.

I don't want to get over you, because I want a chance with you in the future.

Please, give me a second chance. I know you won't change your mind...I just have to hope it changes on its own.

I don't want to believe it was the distance, or anything I've determined it to have been, or whatever combination of whatever the hell it was. What did I do? Why wasn't I good enough? Why wasn't I worth waiting for? What made you fall out of love with me, when you felt so strongly for me- when we would talk every day, all day? I love you so much. How can you just not even try, and just stomp all over my heart like this?

I complain that when you talk to me, you don't say anything, and just say "mhm." "lol." "dunno." and **** like that, and I thought to myself it would be better if you didn't talk to me until you were ready to give a **** about me...but I HATE that you haven't said a word to me all day.

It really shows me how little I mean to you now...

I want to be with you. I want to be able to hear you talk about everything you care about. I miss the sound of your voice.

I don't remember what it felt like to be in your arms, or to kiss you, or to hold your hand anymore. It kills me, and I hate myself for not cherishing the memories enough. I thought I'd be seeing you again....

I love you so much, and I miss you.

Here I am, frozen in this world without you.

I talk to my friends a lot. It hurts when they say I should move on, and get over you, because their other friends got over their relationships after 2 weeks, and I'm just here moping.

How can someone get over someone they loved- LOVE- furiously for months and months?

God, I miss you so much. I'll wait though. I'll travel across oceans of time to be with you. Just for a time when you'll give me a second chance.

I'll work so hard for you to remember how you felt about me.

Again, I love you with my entire being. There is no hole in my heart where you once were. You'll be in my heart forever.

Please leave a space in your heart for me. Even if it's just a teensy one.

I love you Jerbear.

"No 'fraid, li'l soft-soft."

No 'fraid.

[bluebirdsfly]

I miss you big kitty! Thinking that you are holding another girl hurts me like hell.

 

I miss you big kitty...

[Bluesnow34]

gn boo boo ily<3

[bluebirdsfly]

You actually never gave me a clear reason why you broke up with me. You just said that you don't feel we've developed the deep connection you expected. I guess when half of your heart is looking for greener grass, of course you couldn't feel any deep connections. I was so naive.

[eidolon]

I wish you had talked to me today...at least tried to.

I still love you, anyway. I talked to Victor and his friend from Holland today, Sanders. He's pretty cool. They did that thing you two would do where you'd speak in Swedish/Norwegian so I wouldn't understand when we were in chat together.

He said [12:47:30 AM] sander: hon låter riktigt trevligt och borde ha förtjänat bättre. Google Translate translated it as [12:47:30 AM] sander: she sounds really nice and should have deserved better.

I don't know. I don't agree. I deserve better than the you I had after October, the you that was addicted to WoW and stopped loving me. I deserve the you I knew in April, May, June, July, August, September...

It still made me feel a little better- him saying that.

Victor went to bed, but Sanders stayed up all night and he's getting breakfast right now, and stayed on Skype with me.

He's watching 2 and a Half Men right now >.>

 

Anyway, I love you, and always will. I've got work to do now...I haven't been able to do anything since you left me. Procrastinated a lot. Thinking of not going to school tomorrow.

 

I miss you I miss you I miss you.

[Akumark]

God, life, friends, help me take my distance and oh please give me the strengh to not break NC again!

[SDA]

M,

 

Whatever you chose to do weather it be to stay with me, be in this ridiculous "open relationship", stay broken, drunk text me, or change your mind every day I don't care.

 

You obviously still have feelings for me and the reason why you choose to distant yourself from these feelings because you don't want a boyfriend. I have never held you back from anything in your life and our time together. Whatever you wanted to do I was okay with that. Without me in your life what is there you haven't experienced without me? If it is a thing about other people (which you have told me plenty of times it's not) then go ahead. Must be a difference of other people's lips and mine.

 

Don't **** with my head anymore, I can't take it. You can't even offer to be friends because you know we can't. We don't even know what it's like to be friends. You'd rather try that then try something we're used to.

 

How can you go from saying "I miss you so much and wanna be with you" then 6 hours later "I think we should stay broken up and if my feelings come back 'I'll see'".

 

Please. What are you scared of?

[marqueemoon4]

You know good things could happen if you would let them but you refuse. You know I'm a capable, caring, and responsible man and father, but this means nothing to you. You know how much I've been suffering since you took our son and left after you set me up, but you have no regard for my well being. You know our son hates this, but you rationalize how this is better for him. This is all about money to you now, so you can be "independent". You'll never be truly independent because you always be taking from someone-- me, your parents, or some other guy. You say you want to be secure because you "do everything" for our son. I would be more than happy to help in those responsibilities but you're the one who quit on our marriage. I tell you I'm capable of change and am willing to do ANYTHING to save my family and you sell me short by saying I can't. You have NO respect for husbands or fathers because your father was so awful. I was a fool for staying with you when I knew the background you came from, the fact that 3 of the 5 siblings in your family are in the process of divorce right now speaks volumes. How dare I question your judgement on whats best for our son? Yes, I do. I believe he needs a full time father and mother. I believe(d) we could have created a healthy environment for you, me and most importantly him. You tell me divorce "is gonna happen, just deal with it!" Well, I don't have a choice thanks to you. You can blame it all on me since you don't care and want me out of your life. You're taking the EASY way out. No one has done more positive things for you in the last 10 years, not even close. Your complete indifference and cruelty towards me is unconscionable, even after what happened. I will never forgive you for this.

Edited January 3, 2011 by marqueemoon4

[romanticandloyal]

I am so wounded and gutted by how and why you are doing this to us.. i stuck through a LDR for almost 3years the only one making trips for 3weeks at a time to be with you.. i did everything you asked and asked for little or nothing in return, all i wanted was you to love and care for me.. as i know you can.. but somehow you just cant accept me for the good person and good heart that i have.. i have never cheated on you like your ex's did.. but i am still being treated like the bad guy all the time.. you say you love and care for me.. but your not in love with me.. what bs is that?.. you dont treat someone you care for the way i have been treated recently.. i know the great person you are.. but somehow you cant accept that its actually easier to be a nice person and continue to act out this charade of being a cold heartless b1tch.. which you can be.. i have told you that.. i took everything in my stride, your manic depression, your fatalism, your lack of trust and respect for men.. everything, i loved you harder and did all i could to show you that i am the one you can open your heart to.. and you did.. which is why this hurts even more.. and now the very month that you are moving closer to me.. i mean 30mins away.. you tell me that you are unhappy.. i told you, LDR's are hard and i really was stretched thin.. but i did my best.. cant you see that.? now when we have the chance to be a normal couple, to do things within some sort of routine which i know you prefer.. you tell me we arent compatible? yet we havent even tried to have a normal relationship at close range.. you havent visited me once in my city.. i did all the travelling.. i did all the chasing.. and i feel let down.. i am so dissapointed in how you treated me, cos for all that i did do, i definitely did not deserve to feel this way.. so ok i get it.. some ppl dont work out.. relationships do end.. but about 5months ago when you broke up with me, i was so worn out, i said fine.. fi thats what you want, i will go home and you wont hear from again.. i want you to be happy, understand that.. i really do, thats how i know i love you with all i am.. i never thought that way before.. i maintain that most of our issues are related to my being so far away and stretched so thin as a result.. and even if the distance isnt the issue as you say, the other issues could never be properly resolved over the phone if we fought or in a short visit there from me.. and now we have the chance to do it right.. dont throw that away.. i really do love you and i dont want to lose you.. but i knw if i call or msg you will just be more hurtful, so i wont anymore.. i will love you with all i am for as long as i can.. i just pray you see the light before i am too hurt to take you back as i am sure you will come back again one day.. like u begged me to give us a second chance the last time u did this..

[randuff]

Amber I miss you so much still. I want to call you everyday but knowing you aren't in love with me anymore I would do more harm than good. I pray that someday I can go a full day without thinking about you then two days then a week then a month. For so many reasons you are wrong for me but I still love you. My heart wants what it wants I guess. I realize that you have moved on but that doesn't negate the fact that I still care for you as much as I do. I wish things were different but I guess things happen for a reason. I just want you to know that I love you very much and missed you deeply