Post here instead of contacting your ex!

[blindesided]

Wow Cflowers & jennisfora - its like we are living very similar lives. I too have an 11yr old son. My exbf was so good to him - buying him gifts, taking him to sporting events, coming to dinner - just spending time with us. I tried to keep it to a minimum and not have him around every day I had my son & I tried to only introduce him to someone I thought would be around for the long haul since my ex (his dad) decided to move in a new woman and her 2 kids into the house a month after I moved out. I am so dissapointed in how things turned out - I wasnt looking for a father figure or even to live with anyone for the very near future - but I thought he could be a good friend to my son. He still claims he wants to be around - but I just cant do that to me or my son. I am so upset on how he was the one who was excited to meet my son. I gave him every opportunity not to (I have him 1 week on/1 week off) so we had plenty of time to date in between those times. Now I feel so betrayed - like he doesnt even realize the pain he has caused both of us

[jennisfora]

same here, Cf and blindsided. I never asked him to play daddy, but he bought him toys, clothes, treated him like a son. i feel guilty for allowing it. he is the only father figure my son has ever known. i havent seriously dated anyone else since i had my son. so, i was single for three years, and my son's father isn't in the picture at all.

 

and he says, "oh he is only three, he will forget all about me." it breaks my heart, hardly a day has passed in two months that he hasn't asked where my ex bf is, or why we can't go to his place, or talk to him. one of the last phone conversations i had with him, he did ask about my son, and i could tell he missed us. but, he says he feels an anxious nausous feeling when he thinks about commitment, he gets nervous. so, it is a real anxiety. but, if he truly wanted to be with me, wouldnt he get counseling? try to fix the anxiety, instead of just give up? if you really want something, you find a way. i feel like he got scared, and his fear was greater than his love. its so hard.

[Itsonlyme66]

So 6 years and you've disappeared.

 

 

you know what's ****ed-up funny?

when you first left, I blocked you. I told you don’t bother writing me you are blocked.

then you texted me, and tried to call and then you would hang up after a few rings.

finally emailed me a couple of times.

then texted when can I write to you?

and then I unblocked you, only for youto tell me WHY it wasn’t going to work and why you weren't coming back.

 

But for that little window of time when I told you to get over yourself and I would no longer speak to you, you wouldn't leave me alone for a day. You were going bat****.

go figure, huh?

 

Then I told you why tell me what your little studio apartment looks like, down to the goddamn floor plan of the room, when you won't even tell me WHERE you are?

Are you really alone?

I gotta wonder about that...

 

For you to tell me you don't love me anymore and wanted to leave; that you didn't want to grow old with me... then to wonder why I became ugly to you - are you emotionally stunted or what?

 

What did you expect, a celebration?

 

Well I hope it was worth it. I think you're with someone. I know you are on the prowl at the very least.

 

I just figured after 6 years of living together and being engaged just MAYBE you gave a damn and we would have something come out of this besides silence and your indifference.

Guess I figured wrong.

 

 

when I got mean, he softened.

 

then I softened, and he disappeared.

[marqueemoon4]

Everything about you is a lie. Everything.

 

No matter what happens I'll hold my head up high knowing I'm an honest, caring person who has faced his issues, and will continue to better myself. You'll continue to blame others, trying to find happiness through another person, and run at the first sign of trouble. I really pity you.

[leannesagoodman]

As much as I miss you, I wish you'd stop contacting me.

 

I don't know who you are anymore. It's partly my fault for driving you out.

 

I wish you were who I knew but everyone changes. I changed, you changed. I still loved you and you didn't, and you're allowed to feel that. But why if you're so much happier do you need to contact me to gloat?

 

You'll never know how scared I feel whenever I see an anonymous message in my ask box or when a text from you comes through or like just now, when an email came through. It's irrational really because you never did anything that would scare me. But I'm scared of what you'll tell me next. I'm healing but I'm not so healed that I can cope with this.

 

I shouldn't post this. I wonder if you have seen all my posts, including that massive one that I wish I could take down now? I did it because I was desperate. It got me nowhere though. I am sorry. I say sorry a lot, so much that it just sounds pathetic, but I am. I mean it when I say it.

 

I want you to be happy. I wish you were as happy as you say you are. If you were truly happy then you wouldn't need to contact me to say how much better off you are now.

 

I know I have to stop saying I. But please be happy.

[BewitchedandBothered]

Dear....I am finally free of negative memories of you and it feels wonderful. What you do in life is your business, not mine; all I can do is wish you well.

[Itsonlyme66]

House is clean...

dinner's great tonight - roasted chicken, green beans with garlic.

I'm in the mood.... would love to do what you like best!

 

So the house smells like pine-sol and frebreze.... I'm horny, clothes are folded and house is spotless.

 

Come home, stupid!

 

(dumb boy)

[alittlejaded]

No matter how much time has passed, I still want you. I find myself dreaming of you often and it affects the rest of my day-- lingering in bed, praying I fall back to sleep so we can finish what we started. It was so hard to see you go-- I wish I could tell you that. I cried for all the years we missed out, but I had to let you go and pretend it was ok. It wasn't. It never was. I wish you well.

[jennisfora]

i still miss you. wish i could stay away, i keep trying, i want to respect your space, and your decision, whether i agree or not. i miss talking with you. i miss sharing with you. i miss laughing and smiling with you. i used to watch you sleep and think i was the luckiest girl in the world, and how much you meant to me. now i wish i had woken you up and told you at the time. i may never get the chance now.

 

i hope you figure out what you want. i hope you call me someday and we can meet and reminisce without it causing me pain. i just want to be over this, and i know talking to you prevents me from healing. staying away is what i have to do, and it hurts so much, but i know being in contact hurts more. i know i need to focus on me. i have a lot of work to do, just wish i could do it along side you.

[Follower]

Why is it when we talked last night you kept pushing me around? What was that all about, you tell me how much you miss me but that you dont want to be with me? You tell me you love chatting to me but taht your not going to because of your father? what the utter F***. Your not 16 anymore you not even 18 anymore.

 

I Still love you very deeply, we can go forward from this point if you want to.. So stop dropping hints as if your expecting me to uproot my life and stay on hold while you sort your s**t out.

 

And seriously another thing what the hell was that all about, i dont want you seeing my face book because i have pictures that i dont want you to get the wrong impression about.. i mean really... You split up with me, you broke off the engagment you left to go home you told me you no longer loved me and that you needed to love yourself first... that i all get its fine go have a little GIGS adventure but theres no reason for you to give two flying F*CKs over whether i see you facebook page or not.

 

You then claimed i was blocked in the first place so i couldnt stalk you on facebook? I mean cmon, you know i know efen loads about computers and the internet you know if i want to and i wont say i havent checked your facebook it blocking me is really going to stop me....

 

You used me as a shoulder to cry on last night, and gave nothing in return, im not impressed. I love hearing about your worries your woes your joys and your fun but my god dont sit there and expect to be listened to and not let me put in my 2 cents in return.

 

Ooo and one last thing your going on 3 holidays this year? and one of them is to see some kid that you met on a pc game that im pretty sure kicked this whole gigsing off, grow up.... Holidays, great im happy your going to experiance the world but telling me your not interested in other men and flying around the world to see a BOY what the hell!!

 

Right rant over.. Im going for a beer.

[Sophie99]

GRRRRRR!!! Why post all over twitter how 'stunning' and 'gorgeous' random girls are? You complete pathetic loser!

You must get such joy out of hurting me! What kind of fu***** tosser does that.

[Itsonlyme66]

I guess it wasn't enough that you had a blow job on command because I was ALWAYS in the mood.

Guess it didn't satisfy you to come home each night to have a hot home made dinner.... I really appreciate you doing the dishes once in awhile though. That was really pitching in!

I guess coming home to surprises on the bed when I went shopping must have made you feel guilty instead of appreciative, considering you didn't love me.

Guess you check out of this relationship long before I realized it.

 

But how could I realize it?

 

You telling me I was the most important person in your life (guffah!)

you telling me you loved me every day.

you rubbing my back when I fell asleep.

 

then one day, after a small argument, what, now my drinking is a problem?

how's that?

i didn't start fights with you when i drank. and i drank to cope with walking on eggshells anyhow!

 

I guess you didn't want to mow the lawn anymore, change the bulbs in the kitchen when they would go out. I guess you hated trimming the lawn.

I got really sick of hearing you wanted your own house, when this house is in your name! We share this house! It's your mortgage that I pay!!!

 

So thanks for leaving and taking all the tools with you, even the hammers! You left me nothing, not even the shovel or rake that were in this garage before you moved in! You took all my stuff too! Guess if you figured it was a tool, it was yours.

But it was our stuff!

You took stuff that wasn't even yours.

I don't even care. I just feel like you waltzed out over nothing, and you made excuses. you told me you didn't love me anymore, and you haven't touched base or even made a 1 min call to check in to see how i am doing. and i'm still living here, trying to manage all the bills alone when I don't even know where you live!

 

you are a great guy! it must be nice to have no conscience for the damage you leave behind for everyone else.

oh and my mom said it wasn't very nice of you to just take off after you promised her you'd always be there for her.

 

thanks for the memories.

[Itsonlyme66]

I'm so hurt and confused.

 

I feel like you just took off for your new life and you said we'll be friends but as usual you didn't mean what you told me.

 

i tried so hard to make you happy!

I wasn't perfect, but I loved you. At least I loved you! I used to watch you when you slept, that's how much I loved you.

 

It's not like you're an adonis. you're a 50 year old man with grey hair and old tattoos and you have cheated, lied, and we both made our mistakes, but I was in this for the long haul with you. To me, you WERE my Adonis! I loved you from the inside out.

 

Whether you were puking up Sangria, or getting mad at someone at work. Whether I was up at 12:30 in the middle of the night typing your cover letters, or getting you medicine for your skin at 10:00pm when I was exhausted, I didn't mind it.

 

Everyone should have one person in their life that loves them the way I loved you. But you only want to remember our arguments? That's funny; I wish I could do the same. Unfortunately for my heart, I remember the good times. It really hurts me that you forgot ours. Sorry but in 6 years we had quite a few and they were special to me. I loved you, J.

 

I would have done anything for you.

But this send-off of yours was really bad, and I'm sorry I threw your clothes in the yard and said that crap about you, but I was SO HURT you can't even fathom how it feels to have your heart broken, because you are so busy breaking hearts you have no idea what it is like to be on the receiving end because you don't allow yourself to open up, be vulnerable, and love anyone.

 

So sorry for the way I acted, but I apologized already repeatedly for it, and you just keep saying "good luck we'll be friends" but we both know you're lying.

 

How could you not even think about me?

after 6 years together?

don't you care at all?

 

don't you miss me at all?

 

You were "gone" long before you were gone. My God we were out to dinner 3 nights before you announced you didn't love me and I had no idea it was coming! (again!)

 

I don't know if I will ever talk to you again. Your stuff is still here - some of it - I don't know what to do with it and to be honest I can't call you. I don't want to. And if you call I don't know what I'll do.

 

I figure you already are dating someone else anyhow. That's why you aren't thinking about me.

 

I hoped if I dropped off the earth after you left me that absence would make the heart grow fonder, but you know what? for you it's out of sight, out of mind.

you really don't love me at all.

[Itsonlyme66]

Wish I could call you. I had a great day selling today. It's still hard to manage all the bills alone, but today was one of those days you would have said to me, "I'm in the wrong business, baby!" and given me a hug and told me you were proud of me. I must have had 7 customers....almost all were sales.

 

I wish I was putting the money aside to take us away for a weekend somewhere. Instead it's all going to the bills....and the sprinkler guy cuz we had a problem but I couldn't call you. And to the truck insurance, and to the pool man to open mom's pool, and to everyone else. not to mention all the bills of the house.

 

I don't want to leave here. i just wish you were with me. I'm sorry you hated it here so much!

 

I wish I knew how your life was going... what I wouldn't give to hear about your day. i always liked hearing what was going on with your job and stuff. I wish I knew if you sold one today.

 

I always was your #1 cheerleader. hell I was your only cheerleader. I may not have been perfect, but I sure loved you.

 

We should have gotten through the bad times. The rainbow and clear skies really were ahead. you could have had both houses. i wouldn't have cared. All I knew was I loved you, and when I said I was done, when I found you..., I really meant it.

 

it's hard to teach myself to not be done anymore...

[Itsonlyme66]

really, really miss you coming through the front door after work.

 

miss you so much.

 

the house sucks without you.

 

i couldn't wait for you to get home from work a lot of times. i just wanted to see you come through that door.

 

nothing's changed as far as that goes...except you don't live here anymore, and worse than that, you don't even exist in my world now, and it's not what I wanted.

 

i guess you got what you wanted.

[itsalllove]

I don't know how to deal with sh**. All I did was eat some chicken, watch a show on TV, and then had a passing thought of you reaching for my hand like you used to do and I just balled.

 

F*** I'm tired of crying and feeling so ugh. This NC bullsh** is for the birds. Why can't I tell you what I really want to say and than move on with it, instead of "acting" like I'm doing so well and feeling so awesome without you?

 

I sent you that email saying I was moving on and how I can't wait to tell you how well I'm doing but for now I'll give you your space... hit me up when you feel like it.

 

And you replied, "I'd like that..."

 

I never dissected a phrase so much. Wondering "what" would you like, the space? Us conversing in the future? What?

 

This sh** sucks. Especially cuz none of it is true, I'm not moving on, I miss you like hell, and I'm wondering if you're thinking of me as much as I think of you and what's keeping you so occupied that you don't call or text me? AHHHHHHHHHHH

Edited March 29, 2012 by itsalllove

[Itsonlyme66]

itsalllove:

 

your post resonated with me!!!!

 

this NC IS for the birds!

 

Why can't we mean what we say, and say what we mean?

 

Why all the crap inbetween?

 

*on a happy note, i made a rhyme!*

 

seriously, it sucks. i'm feeling it too.

[CopingGal]

I guess it depends on your relationship. I never went NC with 2 of my boyfriends, everything was fine. But with men that treated me badly, I went NC, total NC. When I broke NC, all they did was hurt me again and even more badly.

 

Those men were terribly selfish and I am lucky to have them out of my life. So NC is necessary when it comes to a-holes. If you have a good boyfriend and things just didn't work out that might be a different story. However, it might be painful if you don't go NC and know they are with someone else.

[Itsonlyme66]

Well you're at work dressed to the nines today, selling, selling selling with those dimples of yours, your animated hands, standing there like a talk show host cracking jokes to your potential customers and taking a fake interest in their lives.

 

then you'll go back home, where ever that is, and change into a ripped white t-shirt (or one of the many nicer tshirts I bought you) with some sweatpants, drink a few miller lites, scope the internet for women, and fall asleep drunk to "World Most Daring" or "World's Dumbest".... with the volume pumped up high.

 

what a life!

 

or perhaps you'll go home to your new gf. I'm sure you have one you're enamored with. or should I say, she's fawning over YOU. Because you're acting like the best man in the world to her, and HOW could she not have found you until NOW??? Where were you hiding all her life???

 

Oh just wait. It's all going to come full circle. I hope she's got a stronger spine than I did. I hope she rejects you, but not once or twice. I hope she breaks you 14 times.

 

Karma.

Bastard! I hate you J!

Thanks for wasting 6 years of my life when all I ever did was try to please you, resolve any issues we had, and lost all my self-esteem in the process!

 

Remember you told me I was the glue that held us together? And so many times you would tell me "I'm so lucky, honey...." and you would say "you're so beautiful and smart... how do you type so fast? you are a great marketer..." and all the compliments you would give me. Well, the nice things you said were erased with all the silent treatments, the calling me the C word, telling me to go F myself, and running out on me, sometimes for hours, sometimes weeks.... and now that you took out a 1 year lease somewhere and disappeared off the face of the earth, it's all been unwound and ruined for me.

 

You think you're blameless in the demise of our relationship? Are you crazy? What happened to me being "the glue"? Yeah I damn sure was. Because I was always the one that did all the work to set this boat upright everytime you rocked it!

 

How can you sleep at night?

how do you even look in the mirror and not see an empty hollow soul-less cruel, self-centered, uncaring person looking back?

 

You really are blind and delusional!

[Itsonlyme66]

I even loved you so much and wanted this with you so badly that I took the blame for you all the time!

 

I blamed myself even when you were the cause of the problems 75% of the time (and that is a generous percentage in your favor)

 

I loved you enough to take the fall every time we broke up, but you know what? It wasn't my fault. How could it be?

 

Now I understand why so many times you would gaze at me and say, "WHY do you love me? Why?" And when I would answer, laughing, "I don't really know! I just do!" That was the truth.

 

I don't know why I love you. You weren't there for me when dad died. I paid most of the bills. You would promise we'd have these great party nights alone then fall asleep in front of the TV playing poker. You made big plans with me and then dropped me on my head.

 

No, I don't know why I loved you anymore.

[itsalllove]

I'm so glad I woke up today feeling so good... so ready to move on for good. It feels amazing. Like a new world. No lie.

 

And I spoke to you today, briefly. And even though I was cool as a clam I could sense in your words you weren't ready to converse with me yet, even tho you said you were.

 

When you realized how I don't give a f*** anymore, you stopped texting. Now you tryna get me back on your sh**. If that's important to you, I'm sorry to bust your bubble.

 

You're not what you used to be. Matter fact, as precious and gorgeous I thought you were, you're just a ... pebble. Sorry to tell you but I don't know where the f*** you get off tryna get me to sweat you. And for a second I fell into that sh@!.

 

Straight up.

 

But only for a second. And than I blew you off with a "you're not ready, maybe in the future. gn" lol. Cuz you're not. And that simply is not my fuccin problem.

 

Get these other chics on your sh**. I ain't the one. Cuz while you're tryna be this beast all the ladies want, if you only knew how b***** really look at you.

 

Damn what the fu** did I see? The cliche "love is blind" has NEVER been more true.

 

You can kiss my a$$. Peace.

[CopingGal]

Well you're at work dressed to the nines today, selling, selling selling with those dimples of yours, your animated hands, standing there like a talk show host cracking jokes to your potential customers and taking a fake interest in their lives.

 

then you'll go back home, where ever that is, and change into a ripped white t-shirt (or one of the many nicer tshirts I bought you) with some sweatpants, drink a few miller lites, scope the internet for women, and fall asleep drunk to "World Most Daring" or "World's Dumbest".... with the volume pumped up high.

 

what a life!

 

or perhaps you'll go home to your new gf. I'm sure you have one you're enamored with. or should I say, she's fawning over YOU. Because you're acting like the best man in the world to her, and HOW could she not have found you until NOW??? Where were you hiding all her life???

 

Oh just wait. It's all going to come full circle. I hope she's got a stronger spine than I did. I hope she rejects you, but not once or twice. I hope she breaks you 14 times.

 

Karma.

Bastard! I hate you J!

Thanks for wasting 6 years of my life when all I ever did was try to please you, resolve any issues we had, and lost all my self-esteem in the process!

 

Remember you told me I was the glue that held us together? And so many times you would tell me "I'm so lucky, honey...." and you would say "you're so beautiful and smart... how do you type so fast? you are a great marketer..." and all the compliments you would give me. Well, the nice things you said were erased with all the silent treatments, the calling me the C word, telling me to go F myself, and running out on me, sometimes for hours, sometimes weeks.... and now that you took out a 1 year lease somewhere and disappeared off the face of the earth, it's all been unwound and ruined for me.

 

You think you're blameless in the demise of our relationship? Are you crazy? What happened to me being "the glue"? Yeah I damn sure was. Because I was always the one that did all the work to set this boat upright everytime you rocked it!

 

How can you sleep at night?

how do you even look in the mirror and not see an empty hollow soul-less cruel, self-centered, uncaring person looking back?

 

You really are blind and delusional!

 

Some people do the most hurtful, disgusting things and say they are not to blame. Those people have personality problems. The have traits of personalisty disorders that are based in selfishness.

[Follower]

So you dont want to speak to me because it made you feel sick, well guess what honey i feel like that everday were apart...

 

After our conversation about how we wouldnt have anymore conversations iv realised what a self centered little B*tch you are right now...

 

You honestly would think I broke up with you with how you were acting and talking...

 

Its so hard on me... feel sorry for me.... go F*ck yourself K*** you think its easy for me? having to watch you pack up all your things and drive away..? Walking up every day in an empty bed knowing your never coming back..?

Missing you and thinking about you all the time? YOU THINK THIS IS EASY?

 

WHY IN GODS HOLY ARSE SHOULD I FEEL SORRY FOR YOU?!

 

So in some twisted way i wanted to thank you for speaking to me to tell me how hard it is for you, you passive agressive B*tch, because now at least i no longer want to care....

[Sophie99]

Well you could have just said a simple 'bye' you fuc*ing a-hole! So now all I can this about is you - as per usual! But you don't give a fu*k?

Ok then.

Have a **** two weeks yeh? awesome.

[Itsonlyme66]

SO DITTO.

I feel you, believe that.

 

 

Its so hard on me... feel sorry for me.... go F*ck yourself K*** you think its easy for me? having to watch you pack up all your things and drive away..? Walking up every day in an empty bed knowing your never coming back..?

Missing you and thinking about you all the time? YOU THINK THIS IS EASY?

 

WHY IN GODS HOLY ARSE SHOULD I FEEL SORRY FOR YOU?!

 

So in some twisted way i wanted to thank you for speaking to me to tell me how hard it is for you, you passive agressive B*tch, because now at least i no longer want to care....