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June 3, 2012

Sunday mornings are the worst. I remember us lying in bed, smiling at eachother, before your little ones woke up and ran in to wake us. The painful moments every week when I had to say bye to you, for another 7 days.

I miss it all, and I miss you. Terribly. It's been almost 2 months, I've been erratic and laid everything on the table. You just don't want to know. All I can hope, is that, in time, without now hearing from me, you realise I only ever wanted to make you happy, and for us to grow old together.

Thinking of you, as I seem to do every day.

June 6, 2012

Still going strong. My life is better than ever, because you are not there to mess it up. Being in and out of the hospital constantly seems to be giving you what you deserve. I feel sorry for the people who are forever connected to you, like your son. Thank goodness that is not me. Thank goodness I never had your child. I don't want to give birth to a sociopath.

On July 15th, my roommate and I are going to celebrate, because that is the day I left you FOR GOOD! It will be a year ago when I made one of the best decisions of my life.

So long.....sucker!

June 6, 2012

does it matter what i write the pain stays the same

Edited June 6, 2012 by broken-and-lost
changed

June 7, 2012

Found a note you wrote me 6 years ago last Sunday. After I woke up from a crazy night at a wedding reception. I had people at my house I never thought I would, woke up to a lady I had been hoping I would, yet sometimes I wonder. But after Friday night I am hoping I may have met my next lady.

I hope your new man is everything you thought he would be, but if he isn't ..... ill be sitting at my new house looking at my new bike and living the life.

June 7, 2012

Pff **** you, come home after an awsome 2 days at the dee clubs to find letter in the house adressed to you, get your mail forwarded... its been 6 months you ass.

June 7, 2012

Gosh your ex reminds me of mine. In my case, he led me on for three years. Just like you, I am disgusted with him. Just like you, I was very patient with him. Some people don't see that as a good thing. Instead, they see people like that as weak, and people who can be manipulated.

Sorry this happened to you. Stay away from him, as I stay away from mine. My ex is someone to be pitied because he is so dysfunctional. Jumping in a relationship two days after a break up is ridiculous. My ex did that to be within 7 days the first time, and cheated on me the second time after he got on his knees and promised things would be different.

We don't need men like these. Next time, be aware of red flags, I'm sure he must have showed way before he did what he did. Good people can't just love openly...unfortunately, good people have to protect their hearts before they go insane from being taken advantage of so many times.

In bold - that's the thing that irritates me all over again when I think about this.

Because I KNEW something was wrong, near the end. He was too nervous, too irritable, too distracted. Things didn't feel the same. But I asked him if anything was wrong. He told me no, and I took him at his word. And I'm the weak one for trusting him? I'm not weak or stupid for trusting him. The only thing that makes me is consistent. If I say I'm gonna do something, I do it. I told him I would trust him an I did - against my own intuition, I trusted him.

Lesson learned.

June 7, 2012

I still think about you... every hour of everyday...

June 8, 2012

I wish I had the courage to tell you what was really bothering me instead upsetting you for months prior to the break up. The real cause for me being down during the last six months was that I was suffering from depression from PCS but I was afraid to let you know. I was afraid to speak and talk to you regarding feelings and etc and I closed myself off completely. We eventually distanced each other. I didn't mean to do this. When we talked about communication, I didn't really undestand at the time.

I know you want a significant partner who can talk about anything and I am deeply sorry for not fullfilling that need. I have been seeing a specialist regarding depression and been reading up more about how to communicate better in a relationship. I know I can be a better person but it will take time. I did not speak to you prior to the break up as I wanted time for myself to heal. I made a huge mistake which I will never forget.

Out of curiousity, I scooped out your facebook page this morning which I was sadden. You removed all the pictures of us as a couple. It was like we never existed. I know it must be hard for you as well. I hope you are enjoying your vacation right now. I didn't want to call you earlier this week as I wanted you to enjoy the trip and hopefully heal

I know chances are very slim but someday I want us to be together again. People say if you truely love someone, let them go and if they come back then it was meant to be. if you are looking for that person who talked to you non-stop about anything and everything, well I am working on it! Don't count me just yet.

June 8, 2012

Another day of straight NC- well over two months now. Of gosh, thank goodness I had the brains to kick you out of me life. You will be the last loser that I will ever be involved with.

June 8, 2012

T,

I don't want to see you holding another gal...

I know it's harsh but I want you dead...

June 8, 2012

I will never forgive myself.

It was roughly two years ago to the day. It had been two years of longing, wishing, and sulking. And then, somehow, I was back at the perfect place -- Bonnaroo -- with the perfect person, you. There was not a cloud in the sky. The scent of delicious food from all the vendors permeated the air. The notes from all the bands we both loved filled our ears.

But I was afraid.

It had all ended so quickly the first time. You left me seemingly out of nowhere, without warning -- or at least the sort of warning that a guy could easily pick up on. And just as quickly as it fell apart, it had come back together. A single phone call on my part, that led to an invitation on your part, that led to eight weeks of blissfully companionship. All of it culminating back at the place where we had built so many memories. Nothing was "official", but we spent every weekend together, texted during the off-days, and picked up like we'd never missed a beat.

Then, while walking down the dirt road to see a concert, you grabbed my hand.

How could I know? How could I be sure? How could I be confident that this wasn't just a rebound for you? You had only been single for a few months since breaking up with the man you left me for originally. You had immediately begun trying to find a replacement, but the guys you met for coffee were all lame. How could I know that I wasn't just a gap-filler? That you wouldn't have a change of heart yet again? I was afraid of being hurt again so suddenly.

And so I let go. After a few moments, I let go of your hand.

And so after we returned, you signed up for match.com. Even though we became "official" a few weeks later after you had "saw what was out there", it didn't matter. Right before you canceled your account, he snuck in and reached out.

And from that moment, it was increased silence. It was decreased attention. It was increased deception. It was all a facade. Maybe, just maybe if I had accepted your overtures to get back together from the get-go, it would have lasted. Maybe, if I hadn't been afraid that you were simply settling for me because I was familiar and comfortable, I wouldn't have let go.

But I did.

And I will never forgive myself.

I hope you're having a fun time at Bonnaroo with your likely fiancé.

June 8, 2012

I can't tell if I hate what you did or love you or hate these dreams about you or love them or what the hell I should do.

I bet you'd think I was so pathetic if you knew how much it still hurts.

I'm sorry you hate me and I'm sorry I haven't managed to move on. It's boring for us both.

I'm sorry. I bet you're sick of that too.

June 8, 2012

hi, i'm happy. hope you're happy, too .

all the best, but i hope we never cross paths

June 9, 2012

It breaks my heart that I know you're with someone, and you've moved on. Seriously, 7 weeks after you called time on us?

I won't cut NC, but I do still feel hurt from time to time.

I hoped you would be the one. Unfortunately, for us both, we will lead different lives.

I miss you so much

June 9, 2012

Today it's exactly 2 months since we broke up, 1.5 months since I last saw you & NC applied (actually you cut all ties with me).

It was like hell in the first month, I was thinking of commiting suicide too (how crazy I was).

I am still missing you everyday, wondering why you didn't contact me at all, but the pain is lessen everyday. You said my love for you is not strong enough to care for you in worst situation, but I had your Mum broke it off with me without your presence, was that fair to me? Why didn't you give us another chance to work things out but ignored me & taken into account advices from others? We were inseparate now becoming strangers, even enemies because all the bad comments your parents had on me.

As time goes by, I just hope I can hold this painless feelings towards you forever, I don't think we will cross paths in the future, and I don't think you want to see me again, because you can't and will never disobey your Mum's recommendation. In your mind, only your family is the best and the most respectful people. Me, just like an outsider, always the lower priority.

Thanks for all the happiness you & me had together and also appreciate the "nightmare" that your family brought to me.

Goodbye forever.

June 9, 2012

Every day I miss the man that I thought you were. Of course, that man was a lie. You pretended to love me. You pretended to have morals. You pretended to have integrity. You pretended to be committed. Our relationship was nothing more than a game to you.

I'm glad I don't miss you- the real you. It would be a shame to be sitting at home, missing a scrawny, cock-eyed moron.

I'm still going strong with NC.

Take care bastard,

buh-bye

June 9, 2012

We were only together 6 months and although you said you never wanted it to be serious, you did and said things for me that people do in a relationship. You gave me the greatest 6 months ever and I can't tell you how much I miss seeing you, talking with you and fu*king you. O no, don't worry, I know you couldn't give a **** and are probably on to someone else already but its fine as you'll never hear from me again

June 9, 2012

I miss you so much. Well no, I actually miss the person who I thought you were, and I miss having someone to call when I'm in a crisis. I don't want you back, I see now that you were just destructive to me, slowly poisoning me. Some days I am ok, others I'm a mess and I just want this roller coaster to be over. Last night I thought about all the romantic things you did for me, and realised they weren't for me at all, they were for you, to make you feel like you were a good boyfriend, so you could 'prove' yourself to others. It hurt to realise that.

I'm trying so hard to make the best of it. To see this as an opportunity to grow, but I just feel so alone, with no one to talk to. The silence is deafening. But at the same time I know that what I had with you wasn't real, the lies, the cheating, the uncertainty. I just miss the company I guess. I realise that you are emotionally stunted, just like the rest of your family, and I thank you for not dragging me through more of your bull ****. It was wearing me down and I'm ashamed of how weak I became.

I want to meet someone new now. I feel like I need to remember that there are some honest people somewhere, someone I can trust. Because I sure as hell can't trust you.

You've treated me despicably, and it's a comfort to know that one day you will look back and be thoroughly ashamed of your behaviour. I feel sorry for you now. I no longer care what they think, and eventually I'll no longer care what you think. All that matters is what I believe.

You've taught me alot about relationships though. You've taught me when I should end it, not to be fooled by promises or romantic gestures, to know when the relationship has taken too much out of me. You've taught me how to recognise an unhealthy mind, and never to try and fix someone.

But most of all you've made me realise that I don't need you to be happy.

xx

June 10, 2012

That pit in the stomach feeling is stronger than ever today.

Tomorrow will be exactly a week since I last heard from you, a few days after, will be two months since you BU with me.

Sunday's are by far the worse day of the week. I always had to say bye to you at the train station, whether that be up north, or here where I am.

Why can't I forget you? You've forgotten me.

June 11, 2012

I miss you so much. Well no, I actually miss the person who I thought you were, and I miss having someone to call when I'm in a crisis. I don't want you back, I see now that you were just destructive to me, slowly poisoning me. Some days I am ok, others I'm a mess and I just want this roller coaster to be over. Last night I thought about all the romantic things you did for me, and realised they weren't for me at all, they were for you, to make you feel like you were a good boyfriend, so you could 'prove' yourself to others. It hurt to realise that.

I'm trying so hard to make the best of it. To see this as an opportunity to grow, but I just feel so alone, with no one to talk to. The silence is deafening. But at the same time I know that what I had with you wasn't real, the lies, the cheating, the uncertainty. I just miss the company I guess. I realise that you are emotionally stunted, just like the rest of your family, and I thank you for not dragging me through more of your bull ****. It was wearing me down and I'm ashamed of how weak I became.

I want to meet someone new now. I feel like I need to remember that there are some honest people somewhere, someone I can trust. Because I sure as hell can't trust you.

You've treated me despicably, and it's a comfort to know that one day you will look back and be thoroughly ashamed of your behaviour. I feel sorry for you now. I no longer care what they think, and eventually I'll no longer care what you think. All that matters is what I believe.

You've taught me alot about relationships though. You've taught me when I should end it, not to be fooled by promises or romantic gestures, to know when the relationship has taken too much out of me. You've taught me how to recognise an unhealthy mind, and never to try and fix someone.

But most of all you've made me realise that I don't need you to be happy.

xx

Sounds like you dated my ex...except for the looking back and feeling ashamed part. My ex is not capable of that. He has no remorse.

Sorry you went through all of that nonsense.

June 11, 2012

I had a dream about you. You were with another woman. That's typical of you. You go through women like potato chips, never looking back at the ones you crush.

I'm still going strong with NC. I asked God for strength today to help me though my continuing pain. I feel sorry for you. You will never know how it feels to be in a healthy, loving, caring, long term relationship. That is because compulsive liars and pathologically selfish people can never experience this because they screw things up every time.

I pity any woman who marries you and becomes part of your life. I think in the future you really should stay away from disabled, old, ignorant, alcoholic women. I know you love to use those type of women, but come on, have a little bit of pride and decency about you, PLEASE! Lucky for her, the she figured you out and dropped your a$$.

Gosh, when I dated you, I really scraped the bottom of the barrel. I'm so glad I threw you out of my life. I pity your new gf. She has no idea that she's dating a monster.

June 11, 2012

Sometimes I still wonder, it isn't very often but I still do.. I am sure you do too, but its best not to discuss it. I couldn't help but read your letter again. I kind of wish I hadn't found it now, but some of me is glad I did. It was nice to remember when we loved each other that much. I truly wish we hadn't ended so poorly, but that was totally your fault.

I am sorry for letting you down, leaving you so angry. But what you pulled wasn't warranted and it was non-forgiveable. So here we are now done completely and never speaking again. I hope you made the right decision cause you are missing out on what me and my life have to offer.

June 11, 2012

I got a strong urge to Google you today. But I did not. Why should I learn about your life and compromise my recovery? For who? Someone who's a fool and a moronic monster? No friggin' way. My recovery is important to me. My self-esteem will continue to grow. I'm not going to set myself back for someone as ridiculous and disgusting as you are.

F-you, you cock-eyed bastard. Kiss my wrinkly, milk-chocolate a$$.

June 11, 2012

I am missing you again, terribly.

I wish you could be right here so I could share all my good news to you.

2 months had passed since our break up. No contact at all between us since then. When we were together, you said you missed me everyday, after you said goodbye to me, I am really wondering if you ever miss me like you did before. Am I forgotten already? Or your parents made you ignore me completely?

I am so sad, I miss you still and think of you every day.

Why did you leave me without regret?

June 11, 2012

[FONT=Arial][sIZE=2]I cannot forgive you for the things that have happened.[/sIZE][/FONT]