Post here instead of contacting your ex!

[no_more_tries]

It's silly, really, but the one thing that keeps coming back to me is the night before you left. How you gave no indication you would be leaving the next day. How you crawled into bed, and slid your hand across me... familiar, and sweet. How you knew what was ahead, and stole those last moments from me. How our last moments will forever be etched across your mind as me giving you my love, while I now have to accept you used me until the final moment. What happened to you? Where in life did you become so accustomed to giving so little, and taking so much? Why did I refuse to see that is who you are?

 

You really are a horrible person. But I am the fool who believed you. And that makes me more angry than anything.

[Jose11]

How come you never tried to contact me? I could be dead and you don't seem to even care anymore. 8 years of caring and loving me and in two months they are out the door? I wish I could be like you. I wish I couldn't care. But then I think I would be a terrible person like you so I guess it's good that I care.

[MadSworthy]

I missed you today!

How I wish we could go swimming and tanning together.

[chelsea2011]

Were we dating the same person? Holy crap man...absolutely my EX to a 'T'. I also had to make plans with her in advance because her 'great' friends had plans in advance....you shouldn't have to reserve your signaificant other like a table at a restaurant. Funny how she always blamed me saying I never wanted to be with her. That's pretty hard to do when you're never home and never make any effort to be with me anyway. Their blaming of unhappiness on you but failing to see that their actions are the reason they are unhappy. They put on a mask in front of everyone to make their life seem so perfect...it's like it's a soap opera. They're nice to everyone but the people they claim they love.

 

It's such a joke....they'll never know what real love is and think they can always find something better when they have something great right in front of them. Always looking for the easy way out even if it means making you miserable.

 

They do have the mindset of a 6 year old.

 

Wow. I never thought about it this way, but I could totally relate to his post too.

[CopingGal]

Wow. I never thought about it this way, but I could totally relate to his post too.

 

I can totally related too.

[CopingGal]

So L,

 

Today was hard. I mean really hard. I shed so many tears and later on had a third crying fit. But my roommate was home from work at the time of the third crying fit. Later on we were laughing. My roommate hates you and he is the sweetest person on earth. But he hates you and everything you stand for.

 

I feel so much better now. My roommate and I told jokes and laughed and laughed. You know, no matter what mood I'm in, at the end of the day, you're still a pathologically immature, sociopathic narcissist and he's still a great person.

 

Seems like you really did get the short end of the stick in life.

 

Buh-bye

[Edtheduck]

Super odd feeling today. I'm thinking about you, but also about what ifs.

 

What if I never see you again? What if you change your mind and actually apologise? What if I meet someone new and forget about you?

 

It's a rather calming feeling, strange though. I'm doing well without you though, that much I know.

[CopingGal]

Glad...so FRIGGIN' glad I waited out the emotional storm, instead of running to you and telling you off.

 

I'm much better now. I'm doing so much better, while you're still you.

 

So sorry about that. It must be hard to live with your extreme flaws.

[no_more_tries]

Something has changed in me. All this time I've been vacillating back and forth between hoping there could be resolution with you, and hoping to let you go. Then, last night... a calmness, almost numbness came over me, and I realized I didn't even know what to hope for anymore. I decided to face whatever emotions came when they came. To stop fighting them, to start embracing them. To let life unfold however it would without me trying to influence it or without me having expectations. Then, I dreamed about you all night. Like our relationship, some of the dreams were light, but some were very difficult. This morning, though, I didn't wake up with urgency searching for you. I didn't immediately want for you, or feel racked with pain.

 

I hope this feeling stays, mostly because, I don't feel a need prove to myself you were a bad person. Instead, I can see you just as you are. Like me. Complicated with layers of nuances to your personality. Not all bad. Not all good. Probably searching for yourself, with no room to search for me. I can appreciate that. And, in some ways, I'm grateful to have been released as you face yourself while searching for inner peace.

[barese1]

I've been trying to let go of the thoughts of you since we last spoke. I really didn't think I had fallen so deeply for you as I have. I see that it really wasn't the same for you. All those sweet things you did and said I took to mean as strong feelings. You can't do that to someone. Say its just casual but treat them like a boyfriend. Thats why I can't be friends with you because I still want you, I still miss you and I just hope I meet someone one day who I have those feelings for but actually feels the same about me.

 

I hate not talking to you and I hate not sharing a bed with you....I bet you couldn't even give a fu*k

[CopingGal]

I spoke to the woman who use to be our couple's therapist. I said I was glad that at least you didn't try to kill me. She said you tried to kill me inside.

 

She said your prognosis is dismal. I feel so bad for you. I'm going to pray for you.

[billythefish]

Slags...... got to love it!!

 

 

no...not slags .....prostitutes cos they will always scran at least a drink from you....sorry for sounding bitter & twisted but ...LOL

[billythefish]

ex looked old....really old..no one likes her at work & feel sorry for her

 

oh how the tables have turned

[billythefish]

& she still looked damn ugly & even think she had a mousetache.....like freddie mercury but darker

[Kaye]

I hate that I have to see you interact and lust after other women at work. I regret everything I shared with you and I feel like such a fool. why can't you just tell me the truth about "her " stop trying to string me along under the guise of frienship. You run so hot and cold from day to day. I know that I don't occupy any space in your mind anymore. and you consume all of my thoughts it just not fair.

[BigBear]

I can't do this anymore. I can't continue to try to believe you are someone you are not. I can't give you the benefit of the doubt any longer. You have lied so many times, I wonder if you can even decipher what is true anymore. Every day for two years, following a lifetime of friendship, you asked me to carry hurt, anger and blame, and I tried because I love you. That's what love does. It shields, and protects, and lifts you up. It doesn't shut down, deceive, and run away. You always run away. You've always run away. And you will always run away. It's the pattern that has become comfortable for you. Instead of looking within, you run towards what you think is happiness, only to find, you are still you.

 

I'm glad you're gone. I'm glad you won't be welcomed back. I realize, I'm not grieving for what I have lost. I am grieving for what I gave to someone incapable of receiving love. I am grieving that I cared more for you than I did for me. I am grieving that I could not see my own worth because I was so busy trying to prove my worth to you.

 

We are, indeed, different people. And I'm going to be ok. I am. Because when you left, the burden lifted. When you chose to give up, redemption enveloped me. While you waste away the hours, pining for a past you cannot redo, letting the present slip through your selfish fingers, I will be better, and stronger, and wiser... and someday, loved as fiercely as I love.

 

And you will still be running... and it makes me sad for you.

 

Wow...that about sums it up. Run, run, run, avoid, avoid, avoid. And I thought I was dealing with someone with a unique personality. Looks like my wife is not unique at all.

[BigBear]

Oh M,

 

I don't know what to say. This has been the most screwed-up week yet of the dozen or so since you left. You inviting me to sleep with other women absolutely crushed me. I had to Google what that meant, "why does my separated spouse want me to sleep with other women", and the consensus was that you have slept with another man and want to ease your conscience. You know, for a couple hours I convinced myself that that must be it, there is someone else. But in my heart I know that isn't you. You don't have the time or energy for anyone, barely enough for you. There simply is no way you could be with someone else unless it's your boss and you're doing it at work. But really, I don't think so. I think you just got overloaded with work and family and you snapped, I don't think there is anyone else.

 

You call me on the nights I have xxxxxxxx (our son) and you are alone and you sound sad, but you won't admit you are. You make stupid excuses to have to cross paths with me ("I need to come over to the house to pick up tupperware"), but then cancel those plans. There is SOME part of you that wants to see me, but you're too ****ing stubborn to admit it. Come on, set your pride aside. If you miss me, just say it. Stop this charade and COME BACK! It's OK to make a mistake, it's OK to admit you made a mistake and try to undo it.

 

If I reach out to you you run away. But in some odd ways when I stop reaching, you come back a bit.

 

Tuesday night was nice. For about two hours we were a family again. Xxxxxxxxx is SO happy when Mommy and Daddy are together, can't you see that? He is really hurting to see us apart and he is confused. How can you do this to him? Everything is NOT OK with him. You insist it is, but he's 4 and I feel so bad for him that his selfish mother walked out and left him behind.

 

Anyways Tuesday was nice, you shopped and he hid in the clothing racks and we chased each other around...and I'm like WHY THE **** CAN'T WE BE TOGETHER?? We are happy together? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?

 

You kissed me, on the lips for the first time in months. That was a surprise. Was it just to soften me up for Wednesday? I guess I won. The mediator ordered you to pay child support and spousal support. I've got your proceeds from the house and $17,000 more, lump sum. I guess I should be happy. But how can I be. I'm bankrupting my crazy wife, but I love her so much. I would give it all back if you would just come back... but then I think, no I wouldn't, why the HELL would I do that? You left me with no regard for me, you've caused xxxxxxxxx pain and suffering, you can't be trusted, you ignore me, and up until the past week or so you've acted like you couldn't care less. Why would I pay you to come back? I SHOULD bankrupt you you ****ing bitch. You've run up $20,000 in debt in the 2.5 months since you left and now you owe me a whack of money when the house sale closes. What are you going to do? You make huge money and yet I will have more disposable income every month because you lost your mind.

 

You need help M, and soon. I know me begging you to get help will only push you to NOT get help. But the moves you are making are so unplanned and ridiculous and are hurting YOU as much as anyone else. Do you want to be bankrupt? Was I that bad a person that it is worth trashing your whole life to get away from me? I don't think so. All I did was love you and care for you, give you backrubs every bloody night usually with nothing in return (who's rubbing your back now? No one? Oh, too ****ing bad). I know just how to rub your back when your period won't start to ease your pain. So your period was 6 days late this month...I bet you wish you had a backrub. Hahahahaha.

 

Oh ****, I just don't know what to do. I went out to a Meetup group tonight and it was full of the most socially inept people I've ever encountered. It made me feel so sad and alone. I'm trying to meet new people but these were the 20 most-neandrathal like creatures I've ever seen. God, we were good together, why do I have to sit there listening to people who have two rows of upper teeth talk to each other?

 

Come back so I can kick you out.

 

Dammit I love you and I hate you so much I don't know what to do. At least I will have some money in a couple months. How about you?

[BigBear]

I don't want to bankrupt you, I love you. But what am I supposed to do? You thought I would just let you walk away?

 

BREAKING MY HEART IS NOT FREE

 

You showed up totally unprepared and hadn't done your homework. You let me set the agenda. You argued emotionally with what you "thought" was right instead of by what the law asks you to prove. And you completely assumed I would just let you walk away from this.

 

And so as we stood on the subway platform together after it was all over, I had won but I felt very sad. I know you were sad, you don't know what hit you. I love this woman who I've just beaten in mediation. My objective isn't to take all your money, but to make you see what a stupid mistake you are making. If you never come back then yes, I have to cut the best deal I can. I am mad as hell at you and I shouldn't exact my revenge financially I suppose...but on the other hand I was a good husband, a very good attentive husband, and an excellent father too. I am not boastful about much, but my family was my life and I cared for my family, and now you have ripped it apart. So yes you should pay. You should open your eyes and see the damage you have done to all 3 of us. Yes, including you. Please get help. Xxxxxxxxx needs a mother who is stable. I need my wife back. The one I married 6 years ago who was sweet and loving and down-to-earth, not the person who lost her way this year.

 

I love you so much M. I really do. That you could do this just blows me away almost every day. I spontaneously burst into tears at least once a day, and hopefully no one is around when I do. I don't care. I miss you. I know you miss me. I don't know what you are waiting for. I guess I'll play your "be super-sweet to me" game some more and see if you come inching back. But I just don't know how I can ever trust you, or why you need to exert such control over me like that.

 

How are we going to repair all of this now that I've cleaned you out? Do I give it back and let you off the hook? Do I keep it and lose you?

 

How truly f'ckd up. Other people have real problems in their marriage, like violence or drug use or cheating. You, you just got tired of it I think. And you're stubborn as an ox and can't admit this life is far worse. Good god.

Edited June 22, 2012 by BigBear

[CopingGal]

This will big a long vent, I got angry just thinking about the **** she tried to pull and the fact I ended up saying something nice to her friends when they didn't deserve it.

 

You pathetic bitch.

 

The whole relationship was a lie to the outside world, when confronted by your ex about me after dating for 3 months, when you supposedly loved me, you denied that we were dating and I was just a friend. Just a friend. **** you. You disrespected everything I ever said and never gave a flying ****, when any guy in their right mind would be frustrated and angry at the **** you made me deal with. **** you, you denied we existed, I got angry and your solution was a break so you could spend it with your now new boyfriend in the hotel room I organised, you selfish bitch.

 

You told me on many occassions nothing would ever happen with him, nice bull****, he was just a friend hey? I was insecure for thinking otherwise, I should have been fine that you were spending all your time at his house and ignoring my phone calls so you could stay with him. It didn't help when you told me you checked him out, thought he was super hot and dreamt about him, thanks for sharing that info by the way. Oh yeh that's right, you ignored my phone calls because I drove you away with all my nagging, oh sorry for getting angry that my own ****ing girlfriend denies we are going out so that she can keep stringing her ex along who buys her every ****ing thing under the planet. I can't believe instead of you comforting me about the whole situation, you turn the tables and somehow I am at fault for complaining about it!? WHAT IS THERE NOT TO COMPLAIN ABOUT!? WAS I SUPPOSED TO BE OK THAT YOU TOLD YOUR EX AND HIS FRIENDS I WAS A NOBODY!?

 

YOU ARE A CHEATING WHORE! You ****ed that dude as soon as I broke up with you, after denying that you would never do such a thing. Ofcourse, that turned into me being at fault for complaining you were spending time with him.

 

I loathe the person you are. Looks don't last and I hope you realise one day how much of a superficial bitch you are. Trying to keep appearances up with everyone, except with me. You tried to make everyone love you and made me seem like the bad guy. I can't believe I was nice to your friends after the break up, even the guy who was trying to **** you while we were dating. ****, I feel sick. I still feel like beating the living **** out of him, but hey what did I expect? You were ****ing me while you were still with your ex, you are a whore, not sure why I expected more.

 

I hate you more than words can describe. **** you, **** you, **** you, **** you, **** you, **** you, **** you, **** you.

 

 

That's right. Get it out. Get it all out.

[CopingGal]

For some reason you tried to destroy me and I don't know why. You tried to beat me down...like one of those towns you talked about where a tornado hit it and kept coming back to it again and again, almost completely wiping out a whole town.

 

To this day I don't know why you wanted to mentally and emotionally destroy me when I loved you so very, very, very much. I don't know why you thought my pain and suffering was no big deal and in fact, funny. I don't know why you would carefully, carefully lie to me so that I would stay committed to you for three years when it fact you didn't really want to spend time with me. Instead of telling me that, you came up with excuses...almost all of which sounded legitimate. Then you vomit all of your lies all over me and confess to all the terrible things you did to me, followed by you telling me you wanted to be friends. And when I didn't conform to what you wanted, tried to FORCE me to be your friend.

 

I've never in my life dealt with someone who was so mentally sick before. My anger rose up and has been on high for weeks, but today it has gone back down and I feel so much pity for you.

 

 

The woman who was our couple's therapist pretty much thinks you are a lost cause. I wonder if you are homeless again or if your car was repossed again. I remember all the lies you told me regarding those things.

 

In the three years I knew you, you had 4 different apts., plus spent time in various other places because you were unable to keep an apt. Instead of making sure you were stable, you bought a car simply because it was red and you like the color red. You had huge, huge legal troubles in which you told me only the very bare minimum. You are very poor, but put down people for using coupons. You put your customers down simply because they don't see the prices on the wall.

 

Throught it all, you always maintained the philosphy, "if it doesn't affect me, why should I care?"

 

At this time I feel so much pity for you.

[Edtheduck]

It's Friday, I will be out after work enjoying myself. In the first weeks post BU, I used to text you and you always claimed I was drunk texting. Well

I wasn't. I was missing you. Now that I haven't done it in 3 weeks, you're wondering what's up?

 

Well, I'm moving in the right direction, that's what's up. You know the funny thing Betty? I still think of you every single damn day since April, and you were actually in my dream last night. It was good. BUT, it's just a memory now.

 

I hope you're doing well. My human nature is such that I do still care, regardless of how you treated me at the end. You know what the funny thing is too?

 

Even now, almost 9 weeks on, when I'm out, no one comes close to you.........

[msfreebyme]

I finally ran into you sorta in public Monster. So thus in my lovely adrenaline rush thanks to my friend I freaked out and pretty much left asap with my friend. I literally shook for 30 min. I don't know why but I don't have butterflies...just shots of adrenaline when I see you like my body knows we aren't supposed to even talk. You wonder why I am scared? Why I run? You threatened me Monster. You even have followed through with some of those threats. I don't wanna see you. You're toxic, you hurt people, and only think of yourself. The worst part is I know I am not strong enough to face you and your manipulative mind yet. Theres the softer side of me that still loves you even though you ****ed everything up. I just wanna say **** YOU for breaking my heart though.

 

**** YOU for being in that parking lot. **** YOU for making me waste the next day thinking of you. **** **** **** ****!!!!

 

You have no part in my life anymore....and I hope seeing me made you feel pain and waste your day like you wasted mine.

 

Oh did I mention....FUUUUUUUCK YOOOUUU!!!!

[CopingGal]

msfreebyme, whenever I read your posts I feel less alone, although I'm sorry you are going through these things.

 

Take care.

[iambookworm]

oh wow, you're married? I think I got too close to the truth with my questions huh? Dang you!

[no_more_tries]

i'm dealing with free floating anger today. This is you getting the better of me. But it is temporary. I am seeing you more clearly every day. I deserve more. I keep telling myself what a blessing it is you're gone. I no longer have to deal with your underhanded, shady family. I no longer have to question my sanity when dealing with your chaos. I don't have to feel alone with you a few feet away from me, a constant reminder that you had one foot in the relationship, and one foot out. I am no longer enmeshed in the coldness of you.

 

Someday, I will stop loving you. I want to stop loving you. I hope today is the day.