BigBear Posted June 25, 2012 Share Posted June 25, 2012 Bloody hell you get in my head. I know you are lying to me, I just know it. I have no reason for optimism. You are so ill-prepared but so angry. So you don't have a GOOD plan, but you do come up with something. You're unreasonable and so focused on going down this path, it's really frustrating. My anxiety just won't settle down. I HATE THIS, why have you done this to me??? I am a good person and you are just mentally destroying me with all of this. I hate you I hate you I hate you. You won't listen because you know you might hear something that makes sense, that changes your mind. Why you are so hell-bent on doing this I will never know. I came up short, I know, but it was not just me, and there is no way I did anything that warrants this kind of bullheadedness. I love you but I just hate the way you are treating me. I don't deserve this. You will never find happiness wearing the blinders that you do. Link to post Share on other sites
no_more_tries Posted June 25, 2012 Share Posted June 25, 2012 I just realized I have not shed a tear over you today. Not one. Haven't even had to fight them back. This is the first day since May 3rd. Maybe I'm on my way to healing. Link to post Share on other sites
Edtheduck Posted June 25, 2012 Share Posted June 25, 2012 We're approaching 3 months in 2 weeks since I last saw you Betty. Why can't I get you out of my mind at the moment? I don't even know what I feel any more. Is it love? Is it your company I'm missing? If you text me again this week, as you have done the last two, I'm not sure if I will respond. It's getting to the point where I don't see why I should anymore. I gave you everything, and you threw it back in my face. Yet I still feel something deep deep inside towards you...... I wish you would either face up to your demons and talk to me, or I could just forget about you completely. I know which one I'd rather prefer. Link to post Share on other sites
CopingGal Posted June 25, 2012 Share Posted June 25, 2012 I had a really GOOD weekend! Yeah! You can't take that away from me. When you lost me...you LOST big. You can drown your desires in trash and tell yourself that dating trash is better than dating me because that trash trusted you from the very beginning, even though she did not know you. She barely, barely knew you and didn't make you use condoms. You think that a woman doing whatever you say and allowing you not to wear condoms is the perfect woman for you, no matter how stupid or amoral she is. That is your criteria for having a woman, if she believes whatever you say and doesn't make you wear condoms. Your standards are so low and ridiculous. Thank goodness I never married you. You are sleazy and disgusting and if you ever touched me again I would want to vomit. I had such a wonderful day today. But you had to live in your own skin today, like you do every day. You poor bastard. You poor, poor bastard. Link to post Share on other sites
DuchessKaye Posted June 25, 2012 Share Posted June 25, 2012 No, I don't want to be your friend... Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted June 25, 2012 Share Posted June 25, 2012 I heard that's already over with you and the new girl. I am feeling happy for the girl. She had a lucky escape Link to post Share on other sites
whitehorse Posted June 25, 2012 Share Posted June 25, 2012 GOOD. RIDDANCE. That is all. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted June 25, 2012 Share Posted June 25, 2012 GOOD. RIDDANCE. That is all. Absolutely! P.S. I still hate you but I am moving on to much better things. Link to post Share on other sites
DuchessKaye Posted June 25, 2012 Share Posted June 25, 2012 I still hate you but I am moving on to much better things. ^ I guess I'm going to steal this line 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BigBear Posted June 25, 2012 Share Posted June 25, 2012 I woke up again wondering why you are pushing so hard down this path. So far it's cost you $xx,xxx in a lump sum payment, $x,xxx in annual child support, and now it looks like it will be around another $xx,xxx in equalization. Almost $xxx,xxx!! Ya, I'd be angry too! No wonder you are pissed. You have lost at every turn. But still you press on. You know why? Because you are the most stubborn ass I have ever met Because you don't understand the value of money Because you didn't give me any say in the matter Because you deserve to lose it all Because you didn't do your homework Because you thought I'd be a nice guy and never go after "your" money Because you thought women never lost in a divorce Because you don't know what you want Because you can't admit when you make a mistake Because you won't commit to fixing anything Because you don't ever see that any of it could be your fault Because you can't communicate Because you are a lying, deceptive person Because you walked out on me with no notice and called all the shots Because you couldn't care if I live or die Because you are terminating my health insurance Because I didn't deserve this sort of treatment Because you don't live in an honest, authentic way. You deserve it all and more honey! MWAH!! xoxoxo If you ever want to talk....LOL... go stick it up your ass. Link to post Share on other sites
Ang.gg Posted June 25, 2012 Share Posted June 25, 2012 *sigh* I had another bad night. It makes me so upset that I lose sleep over you when I can imagine you're doing just fine. You were over me along time ago and all this time decided to throw me breadcrumbs. You know what's funny is the last 7 months I didn't believe you'd come back around even though you kept trying to keep contact. Did you feel bad for how you treated me or felt sorry for me? All I can think of myself is I'm such a fool and because I have to keep seeing you because of our circumstances all I'll want to do is run away every time I see you Why was it so hard to show you had a heart? Why is it so hard to be empathetic? I did everything with the best of intentions and because I wanted you happy and yet you treated me most times no better than the dirt under your feet. I'll get over you there is no doubt about that and now I know what a painful experience this has been and how I don't want to go thru this again 2 Link to post Share on other sites
no_more_tries Posted June 25, 2012 Share Posted June 25, 2012 I guess sometimes your soul has to be laid bare before you can rebuild yourself. That's what I'm trying to take away from the end of us. That, beneath the hurt and sadness, there is opportunity. Pieces of myself are being revealed to me. Both good and bad. Things I want to strengthen within me, and things, quite honestly, I want to change. It's funny that a painful change can promote healthy ones. I don't want to hate you. And I'm not going to. Instead, I want to remember the part of you I loved so deeply, and trust, that in moments, you loved me, too. I remember you asking, "How can you still see so much good in me?" What you don't know, is that I wondered, "Why can't you see any good left in me?" But I know the answer to both questions now. “We see things not as they are, but as we are.” --H. M. Tomlinson I see goodness in you, and in me... because there is goodness. And you see the bad in both of us because there is bad. It's just that we choose to focus on opposite things. Because we are opposite. You've said that time and time again. I hope you are well. I miss you. I just do. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Jose11 Posted June 25, 2012 Share Posted June 25, 2012 So I keep falling for the breadcrumbs you throw. I don't know if you are doing it on purpose to hurt me or make yourself feel better? I wish I could stop acting on them. You said you would text me tommorrow, you didn't. You didn't even text to say you were busy and wouldn't be able to. you always would be considerate of me and at least tell me you were busy. Now you just leave me hanging. Do you not know how badly I feel when you do that? Do you think of me at all when that happens? Or do you just get your fill of not being lonely when you do contact me and not consider my feelings? I don't even know who you are anymore. I don't even know why I still want you back. i hope I can get to where you are one day and not care about your feeling. Your emotions. You in general and just think about me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Edtheduck Posted June 25, 2012 Share Posted June 25, 2012 Major anxiety, am actually missing you like mad today. It's been a bad two days for thought. I need to get some sleep, the thought of you is causing me to not focus on me. Link to post Share on other sites
whitehorse Posted June 25, 2012 Share Posted June 25, 2012 (edited) Today was difficult. It's been five weeks of NC. Five weeks ago, you disappeared after promising me you would tell me your decision on whether you would choose me or her. Obviously by not replying it meant you chose her. And honestly, if you didn't like me more I wouldn't have wanted you to stay anyway. But can you really be so cruel and just disappear like that? Do you not think you at least owe me an explanation out of pure responsibility for coming back to my life? You chose her over me once already, and you said some very mean things when I was just trying to be rational with you. I never did or said anything to hurt you. I respected your decision and let you go. But when you needed me, I was always unconditionally there for you, 100%. Then weeks after, you came back telling me you broke up with your ex, giving me all the indications that you were over with her, and only missed me, which made me have hope all over again. That's why I let you stay. And then, just like that, you left me once again because you felt like you had to be "responsible" to her after all her begging. Do you not think you owe me any responsibility at all? I'm sorry but I'm not a rental service. Do you think it's okay to hire my love for a week then dispose of me once you are done using it? I know you two are together, again, and it absolutely kills me, but if she truly is the one for you then I wish you nothing but happiness. Actually, you better be happy. I gave you way more than enough time to think it through, and if you are sure this is your decision then please, do everyone a favor and just stick to it. I am so tired of going back and forth. I saw the end coming, but I just didn't see it ending this way - just disappearing. Even if you never loved me, at least you would've liked me enough as a friend after all that I sacrificed and did for you? Would you treat a friend like that? I'm not going to contact you, no. And it's been long since I've gave up on expecting an explanation from a coward like you. I have let it go, and I just need to focus on moving on. But it just hurts me so much, when I know I have been the only one fighting for us since the beginning. You never even tried to fight for us, nor gave me the chance to prove anything to you. Edited June 25, 2012 by whitehorse Link to post Share on other sites
coffeeloverx Posted June 25, 2012 Share Posted June 25, 2012 I miss you, I love you, and I don't understand why you would just do that. You said you'd never leave. You promised. This whole NC thing is killing me, and I'm the fool begging, I don't deserve this. Link to post Share on other sites
no_more_tries Posted June 25, 2012 Share Posted June 25, 2012 Your last week at home is starting to replay in my mind. How defensive you were. Lying about where you were. "Hiding" your computer and phone when I walked into the room. I really did fool myself about you. It's just now dawning on me that this "unexpected" transition was so easy for you because you likely had someone else to run to... because that IS who you are, isn't it? Maybe I don't see any good left in you after all. Link to post Share on other sites
jmjacobs31 Posted June 26, 2012 Share Posted June 26, 2012 God I still have so much hate for you. I hate you for not even wanting to try to fix things. I hate you for breaking up with me and not giving me a reason. I hate you for tossing our 12 year relationship aside like I have meant nothing to you. I hate you for kicking me out of my house. I hate you for making me leave some of my pets. I hate you for moving on before my stuff was even out of OUR home. I hate you because you are too much of a chicken **** to admit you have issues and should go to counseling. I hate you for being with 3 other girls in the two months you have been single. I hate you for treating me like crap. now if only I could focus on all the ****ty stuff you did to mean and stop loving you. It will happen, i know it will and I cant wait for that day. you are a pathetic loser. Link to post Share on other sites
jmjacobs31 Posted June 26, 2012 Share Posted June 26, 2012 Awesome!!! I am crying less and less now. Its a great feeling to know that you are starting to move on. Link to post Share on other sites
BigBear Posted June 26, 2012 Share Posted June 26, 2012 Hi M, You know what's really on my mind tonight? You have never apologized or shown any remorse for how any of this unfolded. This really bugs me. There seems to be this attitude that I ****ed up, so you left, and that's that. But you bailed on our marriage and didn't try to save it first. You can say you were trying for years but that is a cop-out. You don't work on a marriage by yourself - you work on it as husband and wife. If it was faltering that badly you needed to communicate that with me and get us working on it together. You can say you "told" me you were leaving, but if you KNOW I never got that message, then you know you didn't communicate it clearly. It's all a big cop-out. Basically you waited for an opening and then you ran away. You escaped, cut me off, and then refused to talk about it or offer to work on it. You built me up to be this horrible person that treated you so badly when I really did not. You started demanding privacy and pulled away. You showed just about zero regard for how I was holding up. You just decided to turn off and not care and that is really hurtful. This is not an adult way of dealing with things or how marriages work. This is being a coward. Just running away and refusing to deal with it. You made every decision, forced the sale of the house, and put all of us through extreme turmoil, and then acted like it was nothing out of the ordinary and you were entitled to do so because I didn't do your three things, or because you tried for years, or something. Really...that is the worst of all of this. You refuse to accept any of the blame for it falling apart or make any effort to try to fix it. Why do you get the right to blow up OUR lives? You decided, on your own, it was over and you would never try again. You failed to communicate to me in a way that would allow me to help you have your needs met. I am most mad about this. I would have liked a chance to rescue our marriage but you ripped that away from me before I even knew it was going to end. Most unfair. Yes I went into shock and desperation. Why wouldn't I? The woman I loved most in the world just betrayed me in a way that was so shocking it was unimaginable to me. That is how off-guard you caught me. What you did was incredibly selfish and cruel. You thought of yourself and all the things you were missing in life but you did not think of me. And that is what I am left with - the image of my wife one day suddenly becoming someone completely different. I trusted you with all my heart and you betrayed that trust. The more I think of this, the less I love you. It's getting easier to get over you when I think about just how selfish someone would have to be to bolt like this and not give it a real shot. I am getting over you but I do have a lot of anger. I may not have been perfect but I certainly deserved better treatment than this. I know now we will never reconcile. How could I take back someone who could do something like this if I had any self-respect? Link to post Share on other sites
CopingGal Posted June 26, 2012 Share Posted June 26, 2012 Hi M, You know what's really on my mind tonight? You have never apologized or shown any remorse for how any of this unfolded. This really bugs me. There seems to be this attitude that I ****ed up, so you left, and that's that. But you bailed on our marriage and didn't try to save it first. You can say you were trying for years but that is a cop-out. You don't work on a marriage by yourself - you work on it as husband and wife. If it was faltering that badly you needed to communicate that with me and get us working on it together. You can say you "told" me you were leaving, but if you KNOW I never got that message, then you know you didn't communicate it clearly. It's all a big cop-out. Basically you waited for an opening and then you ran away. You escaped, cut me off, and then refused to talk about it or offer to work on it. You built me up to be this horrible person that treated you so badly when I really did not. You started demanding privacy and pulled away. You showed just about zero regard for how I was holding up. You just decided to turn off and not care and that is really hurtful. This is not an adult way of dealing with things or how marriages work. This is being a coward. Just running away and refusing to deal with it. You made every decision, forced the sale of the house, and put all of us through extreme turmoil, and then acted like it was nothing out of the ordinary and you were entitled to do so because I didn't do your three things, or because you tried for years, or something. Really...that is the worst of all of this. You refuse to accept any of the blame for it falling apart or make any effort to try to fix it. Why do you get the right to blow up OUR lives? You decided, on your own, it was over and you would never try again. You failed to communicate to me in a way that would allow me to help you have your needs met. I am most mad about this. I would have liked a chance to rescue our marriage but you ripped that away from me before I even knew it was going to end. Most unfair. Yes I went into shock and desperation. Why wouldn't I? The woman I loved most in the world just betrayed me in a way that was so shocking it was unimaginable to me. That is how off-guard you caught me. What you did was incredibly selfish and cruel. You thought of yourself and all the things you were missing in life but you did not think of me. And that is what I am left with - the image of my wife one day suddenly becoming someone completely different. I trusted you with all my heart and you betrayed that trust. The more I think of this, the less I love you. It's getting easier to get over you when I think about just how selfish someone would have to be to bolt like this and not give it a real shot. I am getting over you but I do have a lot of anger. I may not have been perfect but I certainly deserved better treatment than this. I know now we will never reconcile. How could I take back someone who could do something like this if I had any self-respect? Hi BigBear, Sorry for your pain. Given how she acted at the end of the relationship, I bet if you look back you'll see a lot of red flags you ignore. She sounds like a troubled person. Link to post Share on other sites
CopingGal Posted June 26, 2012 Share Posted June 26, 2012 GOOD. RIDDANCE. That is all. Yeah, good riddance, you depraved bitch! You are the most disgusting man I've ever known. Good riddance, you depraved bitch! Link to post Share on other sites
BigBear Posted June 26, 2012 Share Posted June 26, 2012 Hi BigBear, Sorry for your pain. Given how she acted at the end of the relationship, I bet if you look back you'll see a lot of red flags you ignore. She sounds like a troubled person. Hi CopingGal, Absolutely, I see dozens of signs now. But I didn't see it then. I knew she was unhappy but didn't know it was anywhere close to this. If she had just said "X has to change or I am out of here" that would have gotten my attention. Instead she pretended for the most part that she was involved - and then one day disappeared. Best of luck to you in your battle too. Link to post Share on other sites
Oncehadluv Posted June 26, 2012 Share Posted June 26, 2012 Xxxxxx this is the first time I'm 100% living on my own , All these responsibilities I'm taking care of are giving me some anxiety, I'm sorry I was aggressive/attackfull in our recent convo, I don't kno any other way to cope with the stress I love you Link to post Share on other sites
coffeeloverx Posted June 26, 2012 Share Posted June 26, 2012 I hate being in bed, by myself at night. I miss having you next to me. I think too much at night. You're an ******* for puttingme through this when you promised you wouldn't ever do this. Link to post Share on other sites
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