DuchessKaye Posted June 26, 2012 Share Posted June 26, 2012 I really thought you were the best, but I think it was an honest mistake. I just met someone who is wayyyyy better than you. So, cheers! Link to post Share on other sites
DuchessKaye Posted June 26, 2012 Share Posted June 26, 2012 And yes, you are a JERK... You know it! Link to post Share on other sites
Edtheduck Posted June 26, 2012 Share Posted June 26, 2012 God the urge to break contact and text you today. Severe anxiety pains. I JUST DON'T KNOW WHY. DAMN. I wish I could turn back the clock and WE could sort **** out. Link to post Share on other sites
jdids247 Posted June 26, 2012 Share Posted June 26, 2012 (edited) Well...it's been 5 months since we split. In those 5 months, I spent the first 3 1/2 trying to figure out what went wrong and the last 1 1/2 getting me back on track. I should have done that a lot sooner as the last month and a half have been some of the best I have had in a LONG time. What have I done? I quit caring what might be wrong with you. I focused on myself. I bought a nice house, lost 30 pounds, got myself mentally back to where I used to be...and you know what? I feel absolutely wonderful for the first time in years. It's hard trying to give yourself to someone who doesn't appreciate it, and it took an emotional toll on me to the point I thought I was going crazy. I always thought you were bipolar. You'd snap at the most rediculous things. You'd be manic for days and then just a moody mess other days. You gave me a temper I NEVER have had in my life. My patience was lost to the point of almost no return. I'm no longer depressed or have anxiety because I no longer have to deal with your erratic moods and behavior. Your irrational thinking was completely foolish on so many levels, but you never saw any fault in it. Just like you don't see any fault in yourself. Geez....living like a teenager again. Are you just going to couch jump until you find a new man? I hear about your friends all of the time and I still hear the same things over and over again....horrible people, complete b!tches, as*holes, self-centered. Kind of starts to sum up how you started acting when you began hanging out with them. I heard your brother, YOUR BEST FRIEND, hates them too. Sounds like a great group of people if your as*hole brother hates them. I occasionally check to see how you're doing and it boils down to the same thing: partying and how your friends are great. Geez....a year ago you were wanting a family. You meet new people and now all you want to do is meet more of them...and more! Good luck finding someone who cared about you as much as I did, who cherished time with you, who put up with your childish attitude, immaturity, extreme selfishness, bickering, belittling, and constant moodiness. I enjoyed those few days of bliss when you were 'happy'...I actually cherished them. But then something small would set you off and I'd be the whipping boy for the longest time. I know your new little nephew means the world to you, and I'm happy for you in that sense. But if you keep giving up the way you always have instead of giving your life a hard long look in the eyes, you'll never have a child the healthy way you need to...and that's with a loving family where both sides give 100%. Please stop thinking life has to be fun all of the time. Reflect once in a while and see that you're not going anywhere unless you take action. Stop running away and deal with things. Hiding your emotions and ignoring responsibility doesn't work, honey. Are you just going to wait for someone else to take care of everything for you like I did for the past 6 years? Probably... Hopefully now you've finally found a hobby besides partying, but we both know you haven't yet. You're just trying to find people to fill the void in YOUR soul that you can't fill, so you jump from new people to more new people. So you're back to your old promiscuity. I remember a damaged girl when I met her and she acted identical to this girl I know now. When you were with me you were so genuine and unselfish. I wish you didn't care about your needs as much as someone else's. That's what drove me nuts about you...it was always about YOU. I'm glad I don't have to deal with your lack of empathy and selfishness anymore. I was so sick and tired of catering to you. I just wanted someone I could rely on to help and be there for me occasionally, but that was always a chore for you. I admitted to you when I was wrong, but you could never admit your faults. You always thought your behavior was acceptable. I always had to make excuses for your behavior and looking back I wonder why the hell I ever did. You'll just have to learn the hard way, I guess. I shake everytime I walk into a bar hoping I don't run into you. I don't know how I'll react and I don't know how you'll react either. Want to know the stupid thing about all of this bitterness? I still think about you every damn day. Hoping you'll come to your senses and get your life together and we can pick up where we left off before our downward spiral. That's just wishful thinking, though, isn't it? Oh, and I forgot to mention...no one knows what the hell your problem is. They saw how much we used to care about each other and they thought everything was salvagable and we could figure it out. I guess I wasn't worth it but you cried when I said that to you 2 months ago. Don't ignore me when I'm there and cry when I'm gone. Edited June 26, 2012 by jdids247 Link to post Share on other sites
BigBear Posted June 27, 2012 Share Posted June 27, 2012 Awful day. Severe anxiety. I feel like dying. I hate everything. Link to post Share on other sites
no_more_tries Posted June 27, 2012 Share Posted June 27, 2012 Awful day. Severe anxiety. I feel like dying. I hate everything. This day will end. Breathe. Feel like dying until you feel like living. Feel what you feel, and release will come. (I remind myself of these things often...) Hang in there. Link to post Share on other sites
no_more_tries Posted June 27, 2012 Share Posted June 27, 2012 You are not here, and that makes me sad. But, I am here, and that makes me happy. I am living without you. I am breathing without you. I am smiling, at times, without you. I don't need answers from you. I don't need to only see your faults. I don't need to explain your actions by convincing myself it must've been because of me. It wasn't me. I would have given all I had to give, with my imperfect and human self, to meet you half way. In fact, I know, you only needed to make one gesture, and I would have come the rest of the distance to heal us if that's what it took. But, for whatever reason, you couldn't stay. I know you have your demons and your reasons. I read somewhere that when the karma of a relationship is over, only love remains. It's safe. Let go. And that's what I intend to do. For me, and for you. Link to post Share on other sites
DuchessKaye Posted June 27, 2012 Share Posted June 27, 2012 I remember our first kiss! Oh Sh*t nevermind I dont! Link to post Share on other sites
jmjacobs31 Posted June 27, 2012 Share Posted June 27, 2012 go to hell you stupid ****. hope your enjoying your new life. Link to post Share on other sites
Edtheduck Posted June 27, 2012 Share Posted June 27, 2012 4th day in a row my mind seems to be going back to you. Maybe it's from hearing your voice last week. Maybe it's the fact I thought I was getting over you, but I'm not. Maybe it's because I still bloody miss you. All I know is, I will not initiate a damn thing anymore. That, is all on you. Hate this feeling like nothing else. Link to post Share on other sites
Follower Posted June 27, 2012 Share Posted June 27, 2012 was tempted to check up on you... I keep remembering your laugh.... Link to post Share on other sites
jdids247 Posted June 27, 2012 Share Posted June 27, 2012 Get out of my head... ...I had a dream about you last night. You wanted to figure things out and we acted like nothing ever happened. You jumped on me and lie on me like you used to do. You even did that thing to annoy me on purpose. We kissed and were intimate and it felt all too real. You also asked me why I never tried to contact you. I told you that you hurt me too much after the breakup and you started to cry stating you didn't know how to handle it and were confused. Whatever... I woke up drenched in sweat like an addict needing a fix. I don't even think about us anymore. I think about how you're doing. I always wondered how things would be if you were alone and if I wasn't helping you out like I always did. I guess those thoughts are going to leave until I find someone new. I've had enough...get out of my head. Link to post Share on other sites
no_more_tries Posted June 27, 2012 Share Posted June 27, 2012 I just read the text you sent last night. I'm not sure what to make of it, but I do know that I won't be texting back. I'm not angry. I'm resigned. How did it come to this? It's very sad for both of us, I think. I guess I still believe the love is there. But, it's true that love is not enough. I miss you like mad, the friend you were since we were kids, the lover you became in recent years, and the person I still believe you to be beneath the hurt and anger. I will always miss you. My heart aches over you. Now, please, take the ghosts of memories with you. Link to post Share on other sites
Ang.gg Posted June 27, 2012 Share Posted June 27, 2012 You are not here, and that makes me sad. But, I am here, and that makes me happy. I am living without you. I am breathing without you. I am smiling, at times, without you. I don't need answers from you. I don't need to only see your faults. I don't need to explain your actions by convincing myself it must've been because of me. It wasn't me. I would have given all I had to give, with my imperfect and human self, to meet you half way. In fact, I know, you only needed to make one gesture, and I would have come the rest of the distance to heal us if that's what it took. But, for whatever reason, you couldn't stay. I know you have your demons and your reasons. I read somewhere that when the karma of a relationship is over, only love remains. It's safe. Let go. And that's what I intend to do. For me, and for you. I couldn't have said it better Link to post Share on other sites
Ang.gg Posted June 27, 2012 Share Posted June 27, 2012 What are you feeling? What are you thinking? I called last month to talk and hear your voice. You didn't answer. In fact you messaged back asking what's up. When I mentioned , you said you wanted to talk-- so talk but if it's too hard for you then maybe you should lose my number , you only replied Ok not today, that about summed it up for me. You've been telling me that for 7 months now. You don't want to talk about our problems to resolve them yet you insist on keeping contact with me. Every time we've seen each other since you deflected me for the last time in December.... I put myself on the line because I thought you couldn't maybe for fear of feeling weak and I told you I miss you. Can we please fix this? And all you said was cool. Btw your response crushed me with that. You still contacted me every so often. I still can't believe you told me you looked forward to seeing me 4 weeks ago. Can't you see what's wrong with that? I can only think you feel bad or sorry for me After seeing each other alone for the last time in November you rebuffed me yet again. I felt so defeated and lost. I was crushed because I was there for you every time you called and the few times I tried I always got a no. Always on your terms. No attempts to reciprocate I wanted to make you happy. I liked seeing your smile and hearing your voice. I thought we talked well. My problem was giving you so much of myself to the point of having nothing left to give and you didn't appreciate that. I wanted to be acknowledged and appreciated. Instead I felt unappreciated and taken for granted. I'm having a hard time getting over this because I was mistakingly led to believe you were different. I wanted to believe there was a different side of you that existed. Someone who had feelings and love in him. I am so sad for trying as hard as i did with you. I'm sad because I felt so unappreciated. You are incapable of giving and I lost myself I trying to prove my worth to you. I wonder if you'll ever see it. I wonder if you'll ever appreciate my intentions. Probably not *sigh* Link to post Share on other sites
jennisfora Posted June 27, 2012 Share Posted June 27, 2012 i still miss you. i dont know if what we had was real on your end, and i will never know now. but it was real on my end, and not a day goes by where i dont miss you and wish you had stayed with us. my son still asks for you, despite me not bringing you up. you didnt wish him happy birthday. so many nails in the coffin of us, so many missed moments, but i still love you, wish i didnt. you dont deserve me. you really dont. and i deserve better. Link to post Share on other sites
coffeeloverx Posted June 27, 2012 Share Posted June 27, 2012 I'm mad at you. I miss you. I want you out of my head. I don't understand how you could promise to love me and marry me and make it work, then go and just say you never meant any of it. Link to post Share on other sites
BigBear Posted June 27, 2012 Share Posted June 27, 2012 Today it's guilt. I feel such guilt for us not making it. I am so sorry for not ever getting my **** together. I let us down. Tremendous remorse. God I hate this, my stomach churns. I miss you and I'm so sorry. :-( Link to post Share on other sites
Sophie99 Posted June 27, 2012 Share Posted June 27, 2012 Seriously, just go **** yourself. I've been a whole lot nicer to you than you deserve and youre still a complete dick to me. Don't bother come crawling back when your fake bitchy friends don't speak to you after high school - they don't even know you. ****. Off. Link to post Share on other sites
Mosset Posted June 28, 2012 Share Posted June 28, 2012 Day 2... Of being thrown away... No call and no self-esteem Link to post Share on other sites
no_more_tries Posted June 28, 2012 Share Posted June 28, 2012 I don't know where my head is. You called today. First time since you left. I could hear how nervous you were. Rambling is so unlike you. I listened. I didn't hear anything I needed to hear. When we hung up, I didn't feel defeated, or like I was spiraling, or that I was having pangs of wanting things to be what they were. Maybe it will be a delayed reaction? Or maybe I am so numb at this point, that I just don't care. Link to post Share on other sites
DuchessKaye Posted June 28, 2012 Share Posted June 28, 2012 Aside from being a total jerk... What else do you do? Link to post Share on other sites
Edtheduck Posted June 28, 2012 Share Posted June 28, 2012 Cannot believe the urge got too much and I text you yesterday. 3 weeks of NC and I caved. I don't expect a reply, it was just to let you know the score. And we carry on as normal. (Whatever normal is at the moment) Link to post Share on other sites
Squishy_Belle Posted June 28, 2012 Share Posted June 28, 2012 Apart from the fact that its getting old that people will message me to tell me stuff about you and i really dont care, i thought it was pretty amusing this morning to wake up to a message saying that your new gf has split up with you because your too CONTROLLING That is like the 6th time i can count you guys have broke up You would think after losing your wife over being controlling you would have learnt your lesson..but then again some people will never learn. You need to grow the hell up. You 24 years old and getting divorced for a reason..you need to smell the cake and realise that you have issues and you are never going to be in a happy relationship if you dont just accept that you have issues and get help unless you find a fool like me who will stick around for a while! Link to post Share on other sites
iambookworm Posted June 28, 2012 Share Posted June 28, 2012 I do not care what you think or say. I do not care what you do. I care about the fact that your wife is ignorant of what you are doing. Either you tell her or I do. If she stays with you, that is now her problem. But she needs to know what an ********* you are. Link to post Share on other sites
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