Post here instead of contacting your ex!

[kindest]

I bought a book yesterday. It should help me with my healing. Hopefully.

 

I am hurt the most whenever thoughts of you never really loving me come across my head. I felt love coming from you. You treated me well. You made me feel loved, wanted, missed. But since we broke up I never felt the warmth that you gave me before. You have been so cold despite always reaching out to me I felt that you were doing it on purpose. It hurts very much. Even a friend wouldn't talk to me that way.

 

I never wanted to let you go. I never wanted for us to be strangers. I nevr wanted to lose you. But I guess it's better than being treated so coldly by the person who used to radiate so much warmth. I miss that man, he was you.

[Hobbit]

F*** you and your clichés, I deserve better

 

I was amazing to you and you s*** all over me just because I stressing about how we were going to eat for the next few months. I was willing to get that spark back, go on dates again etc once I had a proper job sorted

 

In my time of need you let me down. You broke my heart, took away my family, made me homeless and killed off my dreams.

 

I would have never f****d you over like this. I would of had the common courtesy to talk to you if I had doubts

 

I not only fell in love with you when we first started going out, I also fell in love with your, no... our daughter. We had a child not too long ago

and seven happy years together building a family, but all of this means nothing to you, just because you now 'feel' different.

 

I will get on with things, sort out my life, give you the space that you desire, but I will only hold out this olive branch for so long. Go find yourself, the part of you that you claim is missing

 

In the years to come at least I will be able to look into our son in his eyes and say that I tried, because I am deeply in love with you and would have moved heaven and earth to make you happy.

[steveblack]

Want to go to the free concert? It is suppose to be nice weather Friday.

[InAFog]

I don't even know why i miss you so much. I feel like i don't even know who you are anymore. It's so scary to think that the man i spent five years with, shared a bed with, built a home and a life with, that i don't even know him. I don't know what your capable of doing. Was it all just an act? This wonderful, caring, helpful man you were to me and my family? Was i really just half the rent check to you? Nothing more? Everything you promised, everything you told me you were and wanted to be - lies? Why couldn't you have trusted me enough to talk to me? why couldn't you LET me be understanding and forgiving? forgiveness can't come when lies continue to bury the truth. Goddamn i wish we could have made it. I thought we were going to grow old together. I thought we were going to look back at our life together and be so happy. happy that we had gone through it together, happy that we had made it, happy to still be with our very best friend. I miss you. I wish you missed me to. I wish we had meant to you what i thought we did. I wish i could accept that we didn't. I wish that i could accept that "WE" are not anymore.

[Tallblueyed]

forgiveness can't come when lies continue to bury the truth.

Excellent quote.

[ihateslowjams]

Happy bday!!! I'm sure all of your friends now are ensuring your day, today, is the best it has ever been. I wish I could have been there to help make you feel special, but leaving you alone is whats best for me. Its the first time Ive ever been selfish, but I have to protect myself because I'm still hurt.

 

I hope whatever you're doing, you're absolutely happy doing it. You only deserve the best.

 

Happy birthday!

[CopingGal]

I thought about you today and the fact that you not only continued to be a part of dating services, that you continued to check them even though you said you were committed to me. Sometimes the anger resurfaces and I become very depressed of all the lies you told and how you used me. But as hurt as I am, I know I'm the lucky one in the end. I would never, EVER want your personality. You are a toxic human who is no go to anyone at all.

 

I know it's not your fault that you were born with an undeveloped conscience. I know it's not your fault that you have sociopathic traits and traits of narcissitic personality disorder. You are truly, truly the most dysfunctional person I have ever dated and it's just a shame.

 

I feel so sorry for you....someone who has all of that intelligence and can't even keep an apt. for long, or stay out of trouble or be nothing more than Head Sandwhich Man...with all of your education and all of your intelligence, it's so sad that that is the only job you are capable of keeping.

 

I really, really do feel sorry for you...going from woman to woman, not understanding that manipulating women and throwing women you cheat with in your girlfriends' faces is a bad thing to do. It's so incredibly sad that you don't understand these things.

 

For three years you kept me away from your friends and family and then welcomed that alcoholic you cheated with into your open arms...only to be cheated on by her and dumped twice. What an a$$ you are. You truly are a pathetic sack of...

 

You're nasty. You're stupid. You have no insight into your behavior. You're a slut, a whore, and an all around bastard. You just truly are a low-lifed ...

Edited August 23, 2012 by CopingGal

[0hpenelope]

What a difference a full year makes.

 

I wish this on everyone.

[aanderson088]

I miss you. I wish I hadn't done the things that I did. I took you for granted so many times that you have no more room to forgive me. I know I need to apply this lesson to the next relationship I have but I don't want to. I want to have my next relationship with you. I love you Arryana.

 

 

Thank you for creating this thread.

[msfreebyme]

So right now I am having a cycling problem monster. I keep checking your facebook and thinking about you. I know for an exact fact I want absolutely nothing to do with your toxic jerk-offness but I can't help but to do it. Maybe I need to just block you to just stop myself....but at the same time I don't so I can let you feel the pain of looking at my pic day after day. I am in that annoying crisis where I need to get you out of my head. Me and my sis talked about how she also can't get her first love out of her head...and she broke up with him forever ago (same toxic type of guy I might add). I don't want to end up in the same boat years from now. You don't deserve to be in my heart. You have no place in any part of my being.

I don't know why but my thoughts just keep assessing the relationship we had over and over again...it's stupid...but when I get so much time alone...what else can I do. I need more of a life *sigh*

[aanderson088]

I really want to call you but I know you won't answer. I know the changes I'm making are for me, but I know if you see them you'll love me again

[winstonsdreams]

I feel a bit embarrassed doing this but here goes.

 

Baby i hope your doing well, sorry i didn't wish you happy birthday last week but mum said she would kill me if i ruined your day. I don't know if you hated me for it or were happy to not hear from me at all, i don't know because we don't talk anymore. As much as it hurts i hope the new guy is treating you well, i didn't particularly want to interfere on your special day.

 

I still think about you every day, i have so much regret. It kills me. But i just wish you gave us more time, i was in it for the long haul babe. I wanted to live together one day and get married, i wanted to marry you, but you pushed it all so fast. I know you have been married before but i thought we could give it a year before we moved in. Was it me or the idea of marriage and settling down that you were in love with?! Remember those emails we exchanged while i was overseas, you really gave me something to look forward to when i came home. I don't give my love to just anybody.

 

After i left, i was heartbroken, i wish i got the feelings back sooner but it was too late, i am still shattered you met someone after 6 weeks. I mean honestly baby, did i mean nothing? I tried winning you back, but you have moved on, i have to question what we had, you said you loved me, did you really? was it me or the idea of what i could have been that you wanted. I have so much to offer, i wanted to wait, why couldn't you wait? Marriage is forever didn't you learn the first time? So this guy is going to give it all to you? He better. you have been with him 2 months now, it's not a rebound, but i promised you i wouldn't bother you again, but remember i said i would always be here for you. Yes i left, yes i ****d up, i admit that, and i am so sorry for hurting you. But to move on that quickly, like you always do apparently? Well i am sorry i don't appreciate that, i only just thought about trying to date again and it is so hard! How do you get feelings for these people so easily? I guess i am venting now, but these are some of the things i want to say.

 

I still love you, i never stopped loving you, i wish it could have worked out, maybe another time another place. I don't know this guy, if he loves you and your boy go for it, i thought i did pretty damn well. I wanted another chance, but i won't be getting one.

 

I am sorry for everything.

Edited August 23, 2012 by winstonsdreams

[kourix]

i'm sorry i lied to you and we had to end, it's just the best for both of us. it sucks knowing you may think of me as a terrible person who tossed you aside for something better, but there wasn't any other way for you to let me go...

[aanderson088]

My parents are struggling again. I am afraid they may endure the same conclusion that you and I now have. My dad is being a stupid, impatient, and inconsiderate fool. He's crashing and burning this undeserved chance she's given him. I talked to my mom and heard her say the same things that you said to me. She is right. You are right. We men are wired differently and don't acknowledge the truth of our situations: Life as we knew it, is gone. If we want to make this work, we must listen and do what we know is right. Not because we'll get in trouble, but because we want you to be happy and we want this to work.

 

Please find it in you to forgive me one last time. I will not let you down ever again Arryana.

[aanderson088]

What a difference a full year makes.

 

I wish this on everyone.

 

Good or bad Penelope? Please explain the benefit of going the year.

[CopingGal]

It's been over a year since I dumped your pathetic a$$. I joined a dating service site, not to date, just to stick my big toe in the water... But even that was too much for me. You damaged me so much, I can't do it. I can't even be friends with anyone on a dating service site. It reminds me of how you went to the dating service site and sought out women even though you claimed to be committed to me.

 

It reminded me of what you did to me and what a horrible person you are and how you treated me horribly. But it's good to know that I'm not like you. I don't have to sleep around or sleep with anyone to see the value in myself. I don't have to date anyone so see my value. I don't have to jump from person to person or bed to bed to see my full potential.

 

I'm so glad I'm not like you. You really are a pathetic waste.

[aanderson088]

I know that you are moving on. I know that you need to heal and grow and figure out a lot of things. I am not moved on yet, as you are. I think of you every day. I dreamed of you last night and while I was taking a nap, yesterday afternoon. I'm trying to move on though. For your sake, so that I'll stop bothering you. Right now a lot of it is just me forgiving myself and I'm starting to. That doesn't mean I don't believe I did anything wrong. I know that I did and I'm just trying to make sure it doesn't define me.

 

Arryana, I love you and I want to be with you and ONLY you for the rest of my life. I (like anyone that tries to break an old habit or is addicted to a substance) had a "relapse" of sorts. It was brief and it seemed small to me but I neglected to think that it was not small to you and that was a mistake. I lost sight and forgot what I was doing and now I see again, what's truly important to me. I hope that you can find it in you, someday, some how, to give me one more shot. I swear Arryana. Counseling twice a week. One meeting for me alone, one for us together. Church EVERY Sunday, no exceptions. I'll stand up in front of your entire family so they can throw tomatoes at me if they want to. I want to do it because I want to make you happy from now, until forever. I want to make you feel safe and comfortable, and sure.

 

I love you with every fiber of my being and I'll do whatever you need me to do. Facebook - GONE. Instagram - GONE. All the numbers of other girls - GONE. When they text me, I'll respond with "I'm sorry, but my relationship is damaged by us communicating to each other. Please do not text me anymore. Good bye."

 

I actually... have already done that a couple of times... I know we aren't together... But I did :/ Sorry

 

 

Please reconsider this separation. Please find the will to forgive me ONE more time.

It's a lot to ask, I know. My mom and I were just talking about her distrust with my dad and he's doing the same things that I was doing to you. Telling you to just deal with it, defending his case again, etc.

 

I wish that I could actually feel okay about sending this to you.

[MyHeartTakesOver]

You know something that really angers me? How this ended. Your cheating and lies, has overwhelmed the memories of three years of love. Everytime I look back on us I'll remember how it ended, it has tinged and infected every element of good in us.

 

**** you. Really **** you.

 

The day will come when you'll see what I see. I hope to God I look at your face when that day comes. Waste of space and time. The first words you said to me, words that I tried to reassure you weren't true turned out to be; I am really am out of your league.

[Regrets58]

I am truly sorry we never made it as a couple.I fully understand your reasons for ending things.I bear no grudges for that.

You were too much for me I think.You have to say the first thing that comes

into your mind.It was something I loved and hated about you.I am thin skinned,sensitive.Often you would upset me and I would withdraw,become moody.You told me this was something you found hard to deal with.

I tried to change but not enough and not quickly enough.

I knew you couldn't change,I made my peace with that and thought I could cope.Life was never dull with you.When things were good,there was nobody

I would rather be with.

I do wish you could acknowledge that our problems were caused in part by

incompatibility.

I have to let you go now,it is so very hard but I am slowly getting there.

Good luck with everything and take care.I will never forget you.

[0hpenelope]

Good or bad Penelope? Please explain the benefit of going the year.

 

Explain? Don't make a request like this of me again please, I can get really long and wordy.

 

Joking aside, I mean that I'm not angry anymore. I'm not sad. I'm free from anxiety, wanting to know how he's doing, if he's thought of me, what he's been up to, etc. At some point, our imaginations and minds turn against us and work against us in our healing because we miss our exes and all of the painful references that you're currently very familiar with.

 

See., you have to want this and you have to work at it. I got tired of feeling so down and unhappy when I have so many great things going for me, so many people who do love me, and actually want me around. I just didn't see the validations around me until I decided I really want to be free and worked on freeing myself. And while I still think of him, doing so doesn't pain me anymore. I want him to be happy. I want him to be okay too.

 

I can see that your recent posts suggest you want to get back with your ex. You will get a lot of comments that say you shouldn't. I agree with that to an extent. The reason why that's said a lot is because there is no guarantee that you will get your ex back. I don't believe in false hope because I do not believe in depriving hope from people when it's probably all they have, nor am I comfortable telling people "Oh, you can hope that you'll get a better job or the weather will be nice. You can't hope to get back together with the ex." The problem with hoping seems to be that most of us do not know how to have hope without expecting specific outcomes. And to me, that seems to be the main reason why hope is discouraged: expectations. It's not wise to expect the ex will someday come back if you do A, B, C, D, and you show you've done these to them.

 

You never know what's going to happen, but the most important step for your healing and ironically, for the possibility (not guarantee) of getting back together, is that you have to let her go. That relationship with her failed. A reconciliation is not supposed to be a repeat of the past, dead relationship. You cannot have a healthy relationship with anyone in general, if you do not let go of the past.

 

A lot of people say "If I get back together with ex, it's not gonna be the same." Well... it's not supposed to be. It can be bad, but it's not always bad. I have relatives who got back with their exes and are married to this day. If I called them and told them "You know... you didn't learn your lesson. You moved backwards and not forward by getting back together with your ex. Someone out there is better for you and you missed out by marrying your ex. I expect you will divorce someday because you broke up once before," that conversation's not going to end well for me. Some people shouldn't get back together with their ex I agree, but some ≠ all.

 

I cannot, in good conscience, tell you to not hope for a reconciliation. You're entitled to your feelings, but you have to choose what to do with your feelings. Stay NC for as long as you need to and if you decide that you still want to contact her, then do so when your emotions and mind are clear. Not like how you are right now. Who knows, you may decide to stay NC with her forever.

[CopingGal]

The couple's therapist that treated us told me not to put a value on any thing you said. She said she did not believe one word out of your mouth. These words are a great comfort to me. All the mean things you said to me and all the times you threw other women in my face...she said your words have no value. So there you have it. Not even the therapist was on your side. You truly are pathetic and I'm so, so glad that we have not had a conversation in a long time. I don't plan on ever, ever, ever talking to you again. My roommate said every SINGLE thing you said to me could have been a lie, including you cheating on me. I don't believe that. I believe you when you said you cheated on me. But so much of the things you said when we were together I don't believe. You are a very, very screwed up and dysfunctional man. You are pathologically immature and just an overall loser.

[kindest]

Day 14 of NC. It's sad and lonely out here but I will stick to NC. You probably have a new girl now. It hurts very much.

 

This is pathetic but I hope you still remember me. I still think about you. Everyday.

 

It just would be easier for me to let you go thinking that you loved me in the best way you could. But I sincerely think that it wasn't your best. You had so muc more to offer but you bailed on me the minute you got cold feet.

 

I deserve your best. We deserve it. After all we've been through, it's worth it. But I can't make you see that. You have to realize it by yourself.

[kindest]

I'm going through some things and this is when I miss you the most.

 

It's so sad what happened to us. I just want to talk to you and hear from you that everything will be alright.

 

But it's not going to happen.

 

I miss you so much.

[kourix]

i miss you. i took off my braces today, i think you would've wanted to see me without them. i have coupons for free meals too at a four-star hotel, and i wanted to share them with you. i almost broke my promise to myself, almost messaged you to ask you to have lunch/dinner with me, using those coupons, but i stopped myself. i mean, i can't, remember? i'm seeing someone else.

 

i'm sorry i lied to you. there is no "someone else". i had no choice though, you wouldn't have left me alone if i didn't tell you that. i hate to think that you think i'm a bitch, leaving you once i found someone else, but what other choice did i have? i care so much about you, i think i might even love you, and loving someone is letting them go when you can't make them happy. we were never going to go anywhere, and while you liked us, in the comfort zone, i couldn't deal with that slap in the face. i couldn't deal with you leaving me sometime in the future, inevitably.

 

i guess i had my selfish reasons to stop all contact with you. sure, i wanted you to be happy and somehow i couldn't seem to do it for you. but, i didn't wanna hurt too. i didn't wanna stay because i knew you'd leave me once you found someone else, and i didn't want to face the possibility of that, so i had to leave first. i'm sorry i hurt you, but i had no choice. you're hurting alot less than i would have hurt finding out you had someone else, considering you never had feelings for me.

 

this isn't easy for me. you run through my mind all the time. sometimes i feel like i'm living a double life. i'm smiling to people and pretending i'm totally find, but inside, or even just under the surface, i have this numbness encompassing me. i can smile and feel like crying. i cry when i'm alone.

 

i really want to talk to you, i want to tell you so much. i want to tell you your advice helped, or that someone did something stupid, or share some funny story with you. i miss you, i miss you, i miss you.

 

you probably think i'm off now, with the new guy, having fun and being happy. there is no guy. i'm alone, i leave work and head home to mope. it especially kills me to know that you're a text message away, but i have to ignore you and fake being happy.

 

if you only knew the truth... i love you, but we were never meant for do or die. i want you to be happy, that's why i left you.

 

you'll never believe me if i told you this, but i'm suffering way more than you are. i feel like my heart died the day i told you i never wanted to see you again. i don't know if i believe in love any longer.

 

i miss you... but please don't come back. i don't want to know when you're happy, i gave up on what was possibly the love of my life because he couldn't love me. it was one of the toughest things to do, and i don't want to have to suffer through knowing you've found your happiness.

 

i'm sorry, i love you, i miss you, i don't know what to do...

[kourix]

oh, and i'm sorry i did the worst thing i could have done. i walked away from you. you told me everyone leaves you, that you're alone here, and you feel so alone, that i was your sanity. you trusted me enough to show me your weakness, and i know me leaving just might make you hate me. i did the one thing you dreaded the most. your best friend is leaving you in a few months to go back to your home country, while you're stuck here for probably a couple more years. the last thing you need is for me to leave you too, and that's exactly what i did.

 

i feel awful about it. i want to be there for you, you don't deserve to feel alone, but please try to understand, we can't do this anymore, I can't do this anymore. i can't bear to think of how much it would kill me if i stayed with you and you left for greener pastures in the future. we can't be friends, we're a "all or nothing" situation.

 

i never meant to leave you, you see? i simply had no choice. i'm so, so sorry.

 

but don't worry, you'll feel better one day, probably soon. you'll find someone else and i'll be but a distant memory.