Post here instead of contacting your ex!

[ahhhchooo]

Still think about you every day. For too much of the day. I don't dream about you anymore. I just miss your company. I miss the type of company you gave, that can't be replaced without finding someone new.

 

What I wouldn't have given for you, darling?

[Graduate]

Hey you!

 

We would be celebrating our 4-month anniversary today if you had not stopped calling me 4 weeks ago. You probably don't even think about it, I wonder if you ever think about me. Did I matter to you at all, or was I just a distraction? What changed, why did you go from hot to cold in a matter of hours? Was there anything I could have said or done to change the outcome of this? What will you say when we run into each other again? "Sorry I did not call, but I was really busy?"

 

Is that the way to end it with someone you have been dating for a few months? Talked about your dreams and hopes, told about your worst moments, spent stretches of 24 hours and more together with? Made love with?

 

Was I not worth at least an explanation or a goodbye? You just stop calling and that's that? You knew I was on my way to see you and you just disappear? Why? Did you meet someone else, did you get tired of the long-distance? You could have at least told me. But you did not give me closure and so I have been wrecking my brain trying to figure out what happened.

 

I still think about you 24/7 and every time I check my emails I hope to find one from you. I really thought I was going to hear from you after a week or two, even if it was just a stupid "Hey, how are you doing" message. But nothing, that's harsh. I know, NC is the best way to get over someone, but the fact that we never said goodbye makes me feel like it is not over yet, like the end is still coming. Do I really have to find closure all by myself, without ever finding out what changed your mind? That sucks.

 

Anyway, I think about you every minute of every day and while I can't really write you in real life, at least I wanted to commemorate the day on here. I miss you, and I wish for nothing more than a short message saying that I mattered to you and you are sorry you hurt me, but you wish me all the best for the future. Is that asking for too much?

[Karyyk]

Well, you're talking to me again, and that makes me happy. I'm not sure why, and I know I shouldn't hope, but I can't help that. I hope things will get better, because no matter how much all of this hurts still, you're worth it to me. You still make me smile and you still feel like the best friend I remember.

[CherishG]

hi...

i can't help but feel scared and anxious right now.

its going to be my birthday tomorrow and I'm sooo scared how will I get

thru the day if I dont hear from you.

I don't know how it would happen, most likely you will call,

I won't pick up because I'm trying so very hard to let go and do NC for good,

but in that moment if you do or do NOT call,

it will just shatter my broken heart all over again.

on the eve of my bday, I'm sitting here so numb and alone.

every part of my family and close friends all live thousands of miles away.

YOU are the ONLY one here for me,

and I managed to lose that.

Birthdays are supposed to be happy times,

when family, friends and loved ones wish you happiness and joy for you simply being born that day...

how can I be happy this birthday? when I'm going thru the hell of a broken heart.

I wonder if you will even call.

I know you know it's tomorrow becoz u mentioned it so many times the last few weeks,

yet it still wouldn't bring you back.

if i could have one wish granted this birthday, it would be for you to come back. God I love you ... and this is truly killing me.

[lofi_tokyo]

hi...

i can't help but feel scared and anxious right now.

its going to be my birthday tomorrow and I'm sooo scared how will I get

thru the day if I dont hear from you.

I don't know how it would happen, most likely you will call,

I won't pick up because I'm trying so very hard to let go and do NC for good,

but in that moment if you do or do NOT call,

it will just shatter my broken heart all over again.

on the eve of my bday, I'm sitting here so numb and alone.

every part of my family and close friends all live thousands of miles away.

YOU are the ONLY one here for me,

and I managed to lose that.

Birthdays are supposed to be happy times,

when family, friends and loved ones wish you happiness and joy for you simply being born that day...

how can I be happy this birthday? when I'm going thru the hell of a broken heart.

I wonder if you will even call.

I know you know it's tomorrow becoz u mentioned it so many times the last few weeks,

yet it still wouldn't bring you back.

if i could have one wish granted this birthday, it would be for you to come back. God I love you ... and this is truly killing me.

 

Were all here for you Cherish, don't forget!

[Ruby Slippers]

I was actually remembering your description of him when I wrote that. I think they're quite similar personality-wise. My mother (a psychologist) is convinced that my ex had some mild form of autism or Aspergers. I wonder if yours might too.

 

She described him as "unplugged." She said when she talked to him she got the sense that he related to everybody exactly the same way, which is true. You know how most people adapt the way they relate to the person they're with? Like somebody doesn't usually relate to a stranger, to a parent and to a lover in the same way. My ex does. I used to find it disturbing. It was like he wasn't ever really talking to the other person, or aware of their unique personality, he was just thinking out loud to whomever happened to be in earshot. I never felt appreciated or acknowledged as a unique individual. It was impossible to connect with him emotionally in a deep way. I wanted a profound connection and he simply wanted something light and shallow.

 

And the funny thing is he told me I was the closest by far he'd ever been to another person. I find this sad because I've been so much closer to other people than I have/was to him.

 

We should ask ourselves why as sensitive, reflective women with a strong need for deep emotional connection, why we would be drawn to men like this? My father and brother are kind of like this, so maybe that's part of the puzzle. What are your male relatives like?

 

The one consoling thougth I keep returning to is I know for a fact he could have never provided the deep connection I yearn for. I would have always felt like something essential was missing.

Wow. Crazy how similar this is to my situation. My ex used to date someone who worked with kids with autism and Asperger's, and she said she thought he had some of the signs, and probably a mild form.

 

He once told me that at one time in his life, he would watch disturbing videos to see if he could feel anything, but he didn't -- he was just numb.

 

What was confusing about him is that he was very over-the-top in the beginning. It was only later that he cooled off/flattened out. He seemed to swing between big emotional highs and then just... nothing.

 

He himself told me he thought he was "broken", especially emotionally. I have to say I tend to agree.

[lofi_tokyo]

Wow! I havnt talked on this thread to you in a long time.

But tonight I need to yell at pretend you.

 

I think I am finally legitimately angry with you! I'm not attracted to you, I'm not wanting your pity, love, whatever... I'm just mad.

 

I'm mad at you because you never talked about your feelings. You just bull****ted the last few months. I'm mad you cheated and denied it. I'm mad you're a ****ing jerk, because I never thought you'd be like that.

 

I'm mad that you still feel its okay to candidly contact me. You feel no remorse. You just moved on to the girl you cheated on me with. What in the world makes you think I want to talk to you?

 

I don't know. I just don't.

The only thing I'm thankful for is you were such a crappy date when we dated that at least... comparing other men to you is easy, then hands down win.

[alwayssme]

what am i gonna do with you?

i couldn't possible feel any more stupid.

i allowed the way you acted to get my hopes up and think that time apart had made you miss me, only in the end for you to tell me you miss me but you don't want a relationship but you acted as if you wanted me? you are so messed up and yet i don't hate you. i dont want to play stupid games of "playing hard to get" or whatever to get you back when you're never coming back! you get me so mad. you think any of your friends care about you half as much as i do? they don't. i wanted what's best for you and i would have always always been there for you through it all. it is so hard to find people who genuinely care about you and you should appreciate that i care about you so much, even after all this BS i still extend my love and friendship to you. i don't even know what to say to you anymore! Goodbye!

[Karyyk]

I'm confused...end of story. You already know what I'm talking about, so why elaborate here to a bunch of fools like me?

[crushed66]

the first shooting star i saw was with you. you were the subject of my wish.

 

i saw my second shooting star tonight, I was the subject of my wish.

 

good night.

[skinman]

D.

it has been 5 days since you asked me to move out of our house. We have not talked in 3. something that we did everyday for the last 16 years seems to bring about so much pain for me now. The things you said when you asked me to leave are breaking my heart. You have left me wondering if that was how you truly felt or said out of anger. I'd like to think out of anger because how could you spend a 1/3 of your life with someone and have them tear your heart out like that with so few words. Seeing the indifference on your face as you spoke has shown your feelings that our chapter in this life together is most likely over.

[Misfit]

I was selfish and gave into my temptation to date a married woman. We dated for a year, she was asking for a divorce but didn't follow through all the way, so I didn't want to hurt her husband anymore and told her that we shouldn't be doing this, although I was madly in love with her.

 

I did the no contact thing but I just have an urge to at least be friends with her. So I tried contacting and now she's treating me like I'm no longer worth her time. It hurts so bad and I know it was wrong from the start.

 

I'm catholic and I really believe in the churches teaching and that's why I had this guilt but as I'm taught we're a fallen human race and easily tempted by the flesh. I accept what I deserve and I ask forgiveness from everyone that hates me for knowing this. I'm tormented day and night from thoughts of her. I also lost my job and don't have any friends. So I joined because I've read some posts and also see stories I can relate to. Right now I just need a friend since I feel I'm despised by the whole world for what I've done.

[Graduate]

Hey you. I called you before, but you did not pick up, nor did you call back. I can't believe I made it through 4 weeks of NC only to break down so easily and erase every improvements I have made. I wonder what you are thinking about me now, probably nothing good. I can't believe you did not pick up or call back. It's been a month and we never broke up, just 'drifted apart'. Do you feel bad for disappearing on me and are worried I might make a scene? I wish I had not called, but even more I wish you would call back, or send me a text aknowledging my call and existence.

 

I miss you, when is this going to stop?

[gdap]

This forum is exactly what I need right now. I'm going through my first break-up.

 

I met the perfect girl. The story of how it came to be would make a wonderful scene in a movie.

 

A couple of months ago she ended it. But it hadn't hit home. Recently, she sent me a message which made my heart soar. Then I checked Facebook and found out she was in a relationship with her ex. I defriended her, but the memories still hurt. I need to heal.

 

I was about to send her a message, but I read through some posts and I've decided not to. Your shared experiences mean a lot - thanks.

 

One week NC in a few hours...

[Lookingforward]

I see now why we would never have worked out anyway - you're right back where you were when we first met - just without me.

[BackonTrack2]

Took about 8 months to realize that u moved on. I guess I always knew but its hitting me more and more each day. I passed up a few good offers on a relationship, had I taken them up, I would of probably forget about you by now.

 

I wonder why I passed on them, I just wasn't ready..... I'm good now, 8 months later.

 

on another note, i knew it was coming..... i didn't know it would be like this though, must say i won't let this happen again. i'm thinking about something u told me "the next time this happens, don't mess it up", then I'm thinking about when you said "I can have a life with you" , i see what/why you were saying those things but i didn't mess this up. and i could of had a life with you, not anymore now though, we weren't ready.

 

you had more ****ing to do

[EmperorR]

you have no xontrol over me anymore

[Dane19]

9 days and I haven't seen or talked to you. The hardest 9 days of my life and it seems like your having a blast. I was doing good today, I really was. I was wanting to get over you and start to move on. Then I made a mistake and looked at your facebook. I saw those pictures of you on Halloween and it tore me up inside. I'm still shaking from them...

 

How could you? how could you tell me one day that you want to marry me and then the next want to live life without me? I want you to call sooo bad. Not so that I can talk to you but so that I can know that its actually hurting you too. Why would I ever still want to be with someone who would do these things to me? What hurts most is that even if you did come back to me I would have to say no. I'm not going to let you hurt me like this again. Your selfish and always have been.

 

Maybe its good that you don't call, maybe its good that your moving on. You were never good for me anyways. I deserve someone so much better. I deserve someone who will give me the same love that I gave you. Your a loser. You are trash. You used me. I'm done trying to fix things with you. Now you get what you wanted so badly, a life without me...

 

 

 

P.S.

You look fat in those pictures

[CherishG]

why are you confusing me so Frickin bad?

I wish you would just stop for one second and realize all the pain ur causing me!

do you think that this is easy for me?

i wish I don't ever have to talk 2 u again

but I can't, I'm FORCED to be civil because of our baby

why did you have to go and change to this person I would have NEVER fall in love with?

You're so selfish, childish and self centered, it makes me SICK!!!

[electriclove]

It's only been 13 days since I last spoke to you but it feels like forever. When we last spoke I told you I couldn't handle being 'just friends' and told you not to contact me again because it was too hard. You barely listened to me and didn't take what I was saying seriously, so I hung up on you. You've respected my decision and stayed away, and yet everyday when I look at my phone I pray that I'll have a missed call from you or a text. Strange I know. I want to hear from you and crave it every day but I know I can't because it's not what's best for me. Hearing you talk to me like I was a friend, about every day inane things was so painful.

God I miss you so much.

I just want to hear your voice, hold you, kiss you, tell you how sorry I am for everything and I can't. If I rang you and told you all this what good would it do? It's like you feel nothing for me anymore. One day you were crazy about me and the next you had hardened your heart against me. I know you told me why all this had to happen but I still feel like I can't accept it. I can't accept that someone I loved so much has now vanished from my life. Do you miss me? Do you even think about me at all and what I'm doing? Do you even regret this?

Part of me can't help but feel like you've done this because you're scared. We are young and you want to have fun with your friends. You felt like I held you down. Maybe I did...and I'm so sorry for that. But I still can't help feel like that's no reason not to be together. Your friends said something to you, I know they've had some part to play in all of this. You said they just wanted you to be happy but that's BS. That weekend when you went to the football match they put their 2 cents in; they never liked me because they never knew me. When you came back you were sure about the break up, where as before you were dithering. Coincidence? I think not! Well you shouldn't have listened to them, you should have listened to your heart not your friends who met me about 3 times. You knew me for 3 years! This should have been your decision and your's alone, and yet I can't help but feel like 3rd parties have been involved. But that was just typical of you, you were never able to think for yourself.

How can you just have thrown what we had away like that? Yeah, we had our troubles but we could have worked on them. I've said all this before of course and you weren't having any of it. So, why can't I just let this go? Why am I still torturing myself? Why can't I be like you?

[ahhhchooo]

Wow.. that's the first time I didn't go into shock seeing an email/sms/phone call from you. It's the first time I really thought replying won't do sh*t to me. I am totally accepting of this break up now. But you're still a f**king liar. Stay out of my life, thanks.

[fran82]

i miss you....... i wish i had met you 2 years later in my life xox

[sedgwick]

I miss you and love you so much. Here it is, 16 months later, and I haven't stopped thinking of you for one second. I dream of you at night, I lie awake wondering what you're doing and who you're with, and I've all but stopped going out because I now know I'm not good enough, and that only musicians matter in the world.

 

I wish I could have meant something to you, anything. I'd have given you anything you asked if you could have just called me from the road every once in a while to tell me you loved me or missed me. The two times in our year-long relationship that you said "I love you" first meant the world to me. Those two incidents meant more than the hundreds of times I said it to you. Same with the two times you reciprocated with the oral sex. I didn't mind giving it to you every time I saw you as long as you returned it once every six months. I didn't want you to bother doing something that grossed you out, and I'm sorry you had to do it even those two times. I'm sorry I made you feel that pressure. I so enjoyed doing it to you, and now I spend so much time worrying that I didn't do it well enough and that's one of the reasons why you left.

 

When you told me you could never give a woman flowers because your ex worked for a florist and therefore you knew all women would be critiquing flower arrangements the way she did...well, I tried to understand that. I made peace with the fact that I wasn't good enough for you to even just pick a flower off my terrace and hand it to me.

 

And yet still, in the end, I STILL wasn't good enough. Even with all the compromises I made, I wasn't good enough for you to stick around and try to compromise even a little.

 

I am so sorry I wasn't good enough. I've punished myself mercilessly for the past 16 months in the hopes that at some point I will be redeemed, but you continue to ignore me. I no longer go out because I don't want to disappoint anyone else the way I disappointed you. I'm sorry I'm not a musician. If you had just told me that was what you needed, I'd have gotten to work immediately to learn the instrument of your choice. I'm sorry I wasn't good enough for you to give me that chance.

 

You have my eternal apologies. I love you so much and I hope someday you can forgive me for wasting your time. Thank you for teaching me the true meaning of unconditional love. I am so sorry I wasn't enough to inspire that in you the way you inspired it in me.

 

I love you always, for exactly who you are.

Sedgwick

[ProudToBeMeAgain]

Dear XXXXX,

 

**** You.

 

Love,

 

Me

[lofi_tokyo]

Dear ____.

Before my world fell apart, before he left me, you said you saw angels in the architecture. That sticks with me everyday.

 

Have you talked to your older sister yet? I wonder than a lot. I feel intrusive asking, and I wonder if I'm the only one who knows your secret. Then I think... you sleep with so many woman - what are you looking for? Or is it that you've given up searching? When was the last time you told anyone about that boxed up part of you?

 

I'll find out someday. We're one of the same you and I. I think we forget sometimes, it makes it easier for us to talk.

 

Anyways, you're not an boyfriend, so I guess theres no point writing to you here, but then again, you are an ex-something.

 

It will be good someday!