Post here instead of contacting your ex!

[BackonTrack2]

baby girl never came back.

u really arn't coming back.

 

now a tear rolls down my cheek.

i brush it off, and say hrmm.

 

i knew a boy once, he was happy as could be, then his best friend left when he was 17, she went away to college. it turns out, that was his sister, he never really went out much, she kept him grounded.

 

one day when the boy was 19, he started calling for his sister, 'sis, sis' then he walked around the entire house looking for her.

 

then it dawn on him, she left. she left 2 years ago.

then his heart became black and cold, she would return sometimes, during breaks but it was never the same, he blocked her out.

 

he remain this way for a very long time, then he enrolled himself in college, he met a girl, they spent all their time together. he liked playing with her. he was in love with her from day 1, he just hadn't realized.

 

she wanted more but he never gave it to her, was comfortable with the way things were, he wasn't ready, he liked having sex with her and enjoyed her company.

 

the boy kept the girl at a distance, toyed with her, played with her, messed with her mind, it was fun to him, he never wanted the girl, at the same time,they were SO close. the boy started traveling trying to discover himself and when he returned home, the girl wasn't there anymore. she was no longer waiting for him, she was confused.

 

the boy didn't know what was going on so he carried on his merry way, got himself a really nice apt, saved allot of money, he was ready now to start life with the girl.

 

it turns out the girl had been sleeping with someone else, for a very long time, the boy was so foolish he hadn't realizied.

 

the boy woke up about 8 months later, only to realize his girlfriend was not around anymore.

 

He reminds himself, it was another life, he repeats it, it was another life.

[lofi_tokyo]

**Not to an ex, just to someone thats probably gone now, or buried deep behind layers and layers of hurt.

 

Heya Patchy. I'm writing to you because if I could write to any past person right now, its you.

 

I mean, we still talk, we still see eachother, we're not friends, but we play nice... these days. Back then? Well back then I hardly knew you. We had two perfect weeks where you told me so much.

 

These days, when I look at you, I catch that look. I see the gesture. For an instant I see that boy from 4 years ago, maybe the boy from years even before that.

 

Who are you now? I don't really know you!

Sometimes I wonder if... when you told me everything in those two weeks, it was not because I was anyone special, so much as your heart was just bursting with things to tell me. You spilled a million little secrets then and I began to unlock your soul. Maybe you lied. Maybe I know nothing. Afterall, I just said I don't really know you, at least not now.

 

Here is the boy I knew 4 years ago:

 

You were 18 and half alive.

I learned that on one cool and crisp Valentine's day, you went to your girlfriend of three year's house - she was your first love - you had flowers in hand, you let yourself in because you wanted to surprise her. You walked up the stairs to her bedroom, you knocked, then let yourself in and found her with another man. You dated another woman. She cheated on you too.

The following New Years me and Eechee picked you up from your work. You were so drunk. You told me how your boss offered to drive you home after work once in -40 weather. She tried to have sex with you, and for fear of getting stranded in the cold you almost let he go all the way with you.

That New Years was where you started to tell me everything. I found out you had never had anything close to a one night stand (or so you said).

 

By January I knew that your first word was "duck" and thats why you liked ducks so much. I wonder how many other people know that? I found out that you found out your dad had been living a double life for 18 years - he had an ex wife and a daughter that came way before you were born and you never knew about them. You felt broken because you went from being the oldest child to the middle child. I think you hated your older sister then, maybe you still do.

 

 

Since then you sleep around... a lot. The word is you've slept with 14 woman now, and I really don't doubt that. I don't make value calls here. I figure you've been hurt so many times by the people you trusted that eventually you just HAD to become the abuser. You pride yourself on breaking hearts now. You are invincible to pain - or is it you're still dealing with the pain from years ago?

 

Who the hell knows.

I suspect you've probably just grown up and moved the hell on. Thats life, and you've put it behind you.

Sometimes I wonder though. You've started dating a new girl. Will this be the one you love? Will you finally NOT break a girl's heart and instead let all the walls come down? Or is she another piece of meat?

 

Blah.

I don't know what to think.

To be honest, I barely think about you, and I hardly care what you're up to. Once in a while though, I catch one of those nervous gestures... is it a facade? Or am I seeing Patchy from way back when?

[BackonTrack2]

Sup,

Feel silly writing to you but hey I have no one else.

Ok so, yesterday I went to a commendy club, it was cool. The day before I went to this obama meeting, I met a girl there, she was nice, we are hanging out tomorrow. Hopefully it will turn out good with her, she's nice and pretty.

 

I think I can kick it with her, only time will tell.

 

Strange, I feel as if I am talking to myself, doesn't look like your here anymore.

Been NC about 9 months.

[LucidLouise]

Before I met you I was a very confident and quick witted individual. I had no problem attracting men- attractive and intelligent men. Then I met you. You sucked me dry of any self-esteem. You made me into a insecure, weepy mess of a woman. The kind you would see on a bad Lifetime movie. Do you take pride in how you treat women? How you treated me? Taking someone who loves you and nearly turns them into a basketcase. I mean look at what you did to your ex-wife, she became a whore. YOU are the common demonitor in all your failed relationships. Its funny how the woman always leaves.

But don't worry your ex-whore is back in town with a brood of children she had with the man she cheated on you with. She wants you back. For security perhaps? You, being the mentally stunted, selfish user you are will take her back. Funny how all of a sudden I don't exist to you anymore. Karma is a bitch. Now it's your turn to be used, because lets face it- shes just like you.

Do you honestly think you will have the same woman from your little highschool marriage? She CHEATED on your sorry ass and ran away to another state, pregnant with her lover's baby. She was with him for three years, popping a kid out every year! You were married to her for FOUR short years before that. You two didn't even break your five year anniversury before she ****ed you over.

Have fun sleeping next to a woman who cheated on you, have fun wandering where she is when shes not with you. Have fun looking at her children that aren't yours. Have fun knowing that she broke her wedding vowels. But whatever, your faithful loving doormat has left, the whore has taken my place. But don't worry, I will become that confident strong women again, and you'll just be the user who became a looser.

[EmperorR]

Today could have been 3 years and 1 month, but its not, and for the first time I don't even care, last month on what would have been 3 years you text me and i deleted it. You liar cheater backstabber, I still can't believe how you threw it all away for screwing some herb 3 times. i can't believe you weren't even remorseful instead blaming me. God Bless I put in NC, GOd Bless I made it this far, you literally destroyed me and now I'm building myself up, I'm meeting new people, and I know I'll find somoene better than you and love them more than you. And I know one day whether its today tommorwo next year when your in miserable marriage you will think of me and kick yourself for what you could have. Because you know no one did half of anything I did for you, it's because of me your in university, remember you couldn't even speak english who stayed up hours helping you? who took care of you when you were struggling in school and told you to quit your job and worked overtime to provide for us, who helped you get your ta position, who paid for your sick cat when he was dying, who paid for your trip to see your sick grandparents and this is how you repaid me its laughable.

 

Even when you were telling me every hurtful thing in the book, I stayed strong didn't curse you, didn't call you any derogatory names, even though right now I'm angry and could write a long letter to you about my emotions but you don't deserve it, you don't deserve another word from me me ever.

[Sbrizio]

Ciao,

 

tomorrow it's my birthday.. i can't even count how many times you've talked about my birthday. I can't count how many times you joked about yours being 4 days after mine..and today we barely exchanged 2 words, and i see you leaving with that guy...and i remember the times we were leaving together.

 

You don't know how much i would call you just to say you i love you...and i would mean as a friend...but then after a moment i would start to be attracted...as always has happened with you.

 

i'd like to hug you, to caress your hairs...as we did after that Sunday at the museum...but all this...all these hugs and tenderness and words and signs ...all this brought me to further pain

 

You feel you don't love me. I can't say the same. That's it, simply.

 

I hope one day i'll be able to be simply a friend to you..that day is not today though.

 

I love you,

[BackonTrack2]

i don't know what i'm doing anymore.

i thought i had it all figured out, its been almost a year since the split, i'm just lost again. i'm by myself most of the time.

 

my brother came to visit me today, made me realized i stop everything. i never even finished shopping for clothes or furniture for the new apt. i guess its not new anymore, i've been here 9 months.

 

u really moved on, probably got a nice life with the new dude. don't even remember me anymore i'm sure.

 

i wish things would of ended before i fell in love with you, i wish i didn't go back for you, i wish u didn't get the chance to hurt me. damn u hurt me good.

 

i can't believe i am sitting here on a friday night, writing a message to you, the alarm just went off inside my head, i hear my ears rinning, its telling me to just close the webpage.

 

i still can't believe u were cheating on me all those months. man i thought u loved me. man i was such a fool. man i threw away everything for you.

 

man i was so stupid, i wish i didn't come back for you, i wish u would of just told me, i wish, u hadn't stayed with me, i wish i never met you.

 

everyday i go to sleep and i'm just sad, i'm sad that you didn't come back, i'm upset at myself because i stoped working and i let things slip away, upset at myself i wasn't able to just shake it off and keep going, i hate myself now for giving in and not fighting, you weren't worth it, you arn't worth it still, i don't know why i'm even wasting time posting a message about this, i'm not even angry or disappointed, my thing is now...

 

damn i acted so stupid post-break up, i should of just threw you out and never called you again. ****ing lucky i loved you.

 

on top of that, man i messed up like 3 relationships, good ones too.

man being caught up thinking about you just ****ed my whole life and look, your happy as can be sucking another.. lucky whore.

 

sometimes i just want to spit in your face, i can't believe this. 9 months and i'm still ON IT. 9 months, a whole ****ing year and I still remember. I can't believe this ****.

 

what was the point of even lieing to me, u wanted the money, man u flipped everything around on me. i'm stupid, you cheating backstabbing self-ish whore. you arn't a good person. u ****ed me up good.

[aiina]

Hey

 

I am not sorry at all I decided not to talk to you anymore, actually, every new day makes me feel stronger and better.

You see, I joined this forum (which you might find childish thing to do) and by reading others it encourages me to keep doing what I am doing. Also I found out that I am interesting for lot of people (not in a romantic way, I am not looking for romance yet), people you would like them to like you, but they like me, this me you rejected. Cope with that honey!

 

My friends and family are around me much often, and not because I might be heart broken but because now I am far more available to them. And they love me, and I love them.

 

people don't change, you said. And I think now, you were talking about yourself, because I have changed, or better, I discovered a part of me I would never discovered if it wasn't for you rejection!

I am fun, I am great person to have around, I have great taste in music, I take amazing photos, I have a new dress that makes me look and feel pretty, and I am doing lots of things I couldn't be doing with you around.

 

& As for you? I don't know! but as you don't change, you might be trying to get more ex girl friends over your facebook. I feel so proud I am not on that list, because I am not even your ex!. I am someone great who allowed you to be part of my nice life for a while, and now you are off from it.

 

I don't miss you at all, sometimes I miss what I thought you were, but you might be missing what I thought you were too. because you always liked the fact that I liked you.

 

You are gonna miss me, I know that. But I am gone already.

 

have a good weekend.

 

ai.

[Sysyphus28]

Hey

 

I am not sorry at all I decided not to talk to you anymore, actually, every new day makes me feel stronger and better.

You see, I joined this forum (which you might find childish thing to do) and by reading others it encourages me to keep doing what I am doing. Also I found out that I am interesting for lot of people (not in a romantic way, I am not looking for romance yet), people you would like them to like you, but they like me, this me you rejected. Cope with that honey!

 

My friends and family are around me much often, and not because I might be heart broken but because now I am far more available to them. And they love me, and I love them.

 

people don't change, you said. And I think now, you were talking about yourself, because I have changed, or better, I discovered a part of me I would never discovered if it wasn't for you rejection!

I am fun, I am great person to have around, I have great taste in music, I take amazing photos, I have a new dress that makes me look and feel pretty, and I am doing lots of things I couldn't be doing with you around.

 

& As for you? I don't know! but as you don't change, you might be trying to get more ex girl friends over your facebook. I feel so proud I am not on that list, because I am not even your ex!. I am someone great who allowed you to be part of my nice life for a while, and now you are off from it.

 

I don't miss you at all, sometimes I miss what I thought you were, but you might be missing what I thought you were too. because you always liked the fact that I liked you.

 

You are gonna miss me, I know that. But I am gone already.

 

have a good weekend.

 

ai.

 

I feel that. This whole thing has been a process, and I have alot of good days....then one bad day.......then alot of good days...then one bad.

It has been that way for a few months.

Tonight I am going to a show at a club on the opposite side of town. You will be somewhere else with some people I don't know. I think about who you used to be to me. I think about what you represented in my life.

THEN, I promptly remember how you dragged me through the mud, lied,and slept with your best friend all summer while I "waited" around for us to reconcile. I got so clowned by you and my heart got broken.

 

This forum has inspired me to think differently. It has inspired me to not talk to you and drag this out any longer. Light contact has been so lame with you. You have put zero effort into being my freind or my aquaintance. You have called me when you want something, or for some other dumb reason.

 

I have realized that what was special about you to me has been erased from my mind. It has been replaced with the distateful qualities you have shown me post-breakup. The obligation to you is gone.

I felt this obligation to be friends because of what we have been through together. The truth is----------------you threw that all way.

 

I have let you stir my emotions in every direction. The holidays are coming and you will not get contact from me. It will be near impossibe BUT you won't. I know you think we are on some kind of friendly terms...........but I am going show you NC going into this new year. WOW.

 

I can't believe I have to do this. I have done it for 7 weeks.......3 weeks..........2 weeks.......weekends.........

but never with a real permanence.

This feels heavy.

[FF84]

Hey. It's been 15 days since i last contacted you, it would have been nearly a month had i not had another blip where i texted you asking if you wanted to meet for a quick drink seeing as i would be passing - naturally you ignored me and didn't even have the deceny to make up some excuse.

 

Thing is, i still miss you in some ways. I don't want a relationship with you, but i do want us to be civil to each other.

 

Sometimes i want you back, but others i don't want you at all and i can see you're not the person i thought you were. Christmas will be tough this year as we'd both spoken about what we wanted and started to make some tentative plans for the things we could do. Oh well, it's your loss. I'm sure i'll be fine.

 

Must stick with the no contact, it's only 2 weeks but each day makes it easier and i know i felt terrible when i broke it last time having done so well. But if you get in touch i'd be happy to hear from you and it'd be nice if you did as i think meeting up would allow me to confirm to myself that i don't need you as much as i thought.

[electriclove]

So, it's been 13 days since I last spoke to you and I'm finding today especially difficult. Every day is hard of course but the weekends seem to be particulary bad because it was our time together. Without you in my life there is a massive void and nothing seems to be filling it.

I really want to ring you right now. The urge is so strong and I feel like its killing me.

 

I don't know what to do with myself anymore. Sometimes I just want to close my eyes and never wake up. I feel like it would be easier for everyone if I just wasn't here. I'm trying to pull myself together and just get on with it, like I know you are managing to do. But sometimes its even a struggle to get out of bed and get dressed. It's been a month and a half now since we broke up and I feel like I shoud be in a better place now but I'm not. I'm sick of feeling this way and being so pathetic.

[Tinkerbelll]

I know you're not going to show up.

But remember: everytime your phone rings, bet anything it won't be me..

[EmperorR]

Funny how you said we were best friends 61 days NC and not even a half hearted phone call to see if I'm alive, lying b*tch

[alwayssme]

Funny how you said we were best friends 61 days NC and not even a half hearted phone call to see if I'm alive, lying b*tch

 

 

lol...2 weeks NC and not even a phone call..

we were best friends too...

[Surfer Dude]

It's been 5 days since I sent you an email not to ever contact me again. 5 days since I called you a slut and a whore who ruined my life.

 

We used to be good friends in the past. You meant a lot to me. It's too bad you changed so much. When I met you, you where this kind and sweet girl I really liked and fell in love with. Now you are something else.

 

Sometimes there are moments when it hurts to know that I will never see you or never talk to you again. But I know it's for the best. We just can't be friends, not after what you have done to me and what you have become. I hope you'll find your happiness someday and stop treating people as objects. I hope you will learn that what you're doing is wrong.

 

My old friend... why did our friendship and love fail. What made you become what you are, what possessed you to change so much?

 

Maybe we'll be good friends in some other lifetime. But this time, it would destroy me. I hope you understand.

[lofi_tokyo]

Eww. I talked to you today. I wanted to believe it sounded like you miss me. I don't think you do - at least not in that way. God damnit.

[alwayssme]

i know you still care about me, we shared way too much and our break up wasn't bad for you not to care...we tried to be friends but I would always bring back the topic about us and im guessing now we're not even talking...but i miss you!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i miss us...never did i think u would hurt me like this....how could you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! damn i swear i neverrrrrrr knew love could hurt so damn bad....esp. not me.......everybody (including you as you said) was so shocked to see how much this broke me as thay had never seen me so down....and i have never been this down.....this is rediculous.....even though i pretend to be okay i'm not.......i'm on a damn website talkin to you!!!!!!!!!!! ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! i wonder what the hell will happen with me and my life....i know i won't be completely over you soon......how the hell did you change so much?? is this some curse spell somebody did on me for being too happy?? i think that someday you'll meet someone new or maybe get with someone i already know and it makes me so sick....i dont want to know........i just hope you stay single for awhile at least till i get over you because i couldnt handle you being with someone else..........how could you......you said you loved me, you cried at the thought of me being with someone else...........you are so weird...........no matter what i do or say, it wont bring you back..........i dont know why im even wasting my time.....guess to just let out my frustrations.................i swear i never thought u would hurt me this much..................but u know how much im hurting. a freaking phone call or a text would not break your damn fingers!!!!!!!!!!!! maybe someday we'll be great friends...i love you way too much and this suckssssssssssssss

[Ruby Slippers]

I missed you today. I was thinking about what a good match we were in so many important ways. I was thinking of how I had a fantasy of making love in a raging thunderstorm since the very year I first started having sex, and how we made that come true. You were brilliant at giving me what I wanted in so many ways, and you saw so far into me. I don't understand what you were so afraid of. I hate that I still feel like maybe I just wasn't good enough, pretty enough, together enough, something enough for you to beat those fears. I thought I wouldn't change my last name, but I think I would have changed it for you.

[alwayssme]

reality sucks

 

i miss who u used to be with me but now it's not the same.

[skinman]

Hey D/

well its been amonth now since you asked me to move out... wow the longest month of my life so far. I still think of you often and it still hurts quite a bit seeing how easily you could throw away 15 years together and tear our family apart... you never even gave me a chance to address your concerns and feellings you kept everything inside as you planned your escape. Me thinking things were going well never saw it coming.. How could you baby... the things you have said since have hurt more than anything I have ever felt.. they cut deep when you said you hated me and have for some time.. you only slept with me to keep from arguing and you could never spread your legs for me again without compromising you as a woman....... I am not bitter about all that you said I hope deep down it was out of anger and just to hurt me ... well it did it hurt me, it hurt me bad thinking that someone that i have loved for close to 16 years could be so hatefull and angry..

 

Its ok... I know in time I will get over all the hurtfull things and move forward with my life.. there are so many things that you held me back from that I can now do.. I will always love you D... I have always felt that you were my soulmate after the way we got back together after our first failures at marriage...

 

Live in peace and god be with you

as we for so long part

I love you in the deepest way

with all my soul and heart...........

[TeaAbraham]

I hate you.

 

Could you please both move far, far away so I never have to see you again. So I can't see you when I feel like I need to. I loved Boulder so much. Now it is ruined for me. You ruined so much for me. You two were everything for me, so now everything reminds me of you. I can't study what I wanted to because it reminds me of him. I can't live where I loved because it reminds me of you. You two can live your happy lives together, I just don't want to hear about it. Go back to Russia! I never wanted to go to Russia anyway.

[BackonTrack2]

not sure what to write, been almost a year apart. longer than that really.

no more feelings or anything, don't even miss u anymore. can't remember it, can't remember us, i think it was nice, not sure anymore, i remember sitting in my room post-break waking up with throbbing headache asking myself "how did you let this happen", i remember fainting and collapsing while waking, the panic attacks, the times i was feeling guilty having sex with someone else post-breakup. the time i had to force myself to have sex with this one girl because i told myself I am a man, your a whore and you left me.

 

i don't remember that feeling anymore, i'm just left with scattered memories, then i tell myself "it was a dream, it was a lie" never happen. i imagined it all.

 

well atleast thats how i keep moving forward, i can't sit here and analyze the situtation, been a year, a long long time. u left and i seen it but didn't understand, was blinded, always thought something was the matter with you and you'll snap out of it, couldn't figure it out.

 

its old, dead and burried by now, i dig it up sometimes, not sure why, i realize that i am keeping the memory alive, if it wasn't for me posting on this forum, i probably would of forget you by now or atleast have these things pushed way way back in my mind.

 

i didn't know things were going to end up like this, it sure ended in flames, u were right. i don't even smile anymore at the fun times or anything, its like the image flashes before me, i see it, then i just say 'yeah that was a lie too' sad but true, u were never my girlfriend, i don't know what i was thinking.

 

time has a way of changing people's preciptions on things, so how do i look at this now? the event that tore me down and broke me to pieces? i love someone who didn't love me back, i stuck around like a sab-dog picking up bread crumbs trying to figure out why u were acting the way you were because i did't want to believe the truth. in exchange for my foolishness, i was put in a vulnable position and i became broken and became someone else. took a while to recover, in the process, i gave up on life.

 

took a long time to recover, and when i did, i realized that i was a fool. atleast i had enough strength to force you to put that final nail in the coffin ;-).

 

thats life i suppose, its cruel, i do need to find someone though, posting on these forums is pathetic. hopefully i'll get someone soon.

[Ruby Slippers]

Today, I think you were the lucky one. You were lucky you got to be with me. Don told me yesterday that it's all downhill for you from here. I hate to admit that I have such a mean thought, but at this moment I hope he's right.

[BackonTrack2]

your not coming back, i know it in my heart.

 

u really hurt me.

you hurt me bad

 

bye sarah

[Tinkerbelll]

Two weeks since I last saw you..

It's so hard, so hard, so f****ing hard..

Nothing lasts forever, even cold november rain..