Louise17 Posted June 1, 2015 Share Posted June 1, 2015 (edited) OK, it seems a few of us have had a rough time with the darned NC. I had fantasies today of unloading all this anger, longing, and "WTF" onto my ex. I am creating this thread as a place for all of us in pain to post instead of contacting Ms/Mr ex. It could actually be kind of fun, at least a release. I had a friend with a terrier dog who used to look out the window and whenever he saw another dog or squirrel or whatever dogs want to kill he would grab the nearest object and shake it furiously, all the while glaring at the object of his hatred, and barking/growling with his mouth full. It was hilarious and poignant, and I have to say, I relate to that pup! What would you like to tell him or her? Even if it's been building up for years, post it here! Rage-fest! Longing-fest! DO NOT CONTACT that frigging ex, put it all here!! Hello and Im new here...Im just out of a 6year on/off relationship rollercoaster of emotional abuse and me basically letting myself be used as a doormat...I have finished it (again) for goodness knows how many times...Honestly...Its taken its toll on me emotionally and physically...Im doing NC at the moment And have been for nearly 3 weeks but fell of the wagon on Saturday and emailed him ( Im still angry at the waste of 6 years and how I was treated)...Just a very short email to let him know not to ever contact me and to delete my number he has a habit of continually texting me after a month or 2...(Believe me if I told you the full story you would think I was crazy for what I put up with...The things you do in the name of love though)...So I completely understand where you are coming from and what you are saying...Thankyou for the post Polywog... Im now back on the NC wagon and I do intend to stay on it... I would like to hear from anyone in the same boat too... Edited June 1, 2015 by Louise17 misspelling 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ariess10 Posted June 1, 2015 Share Posted June 1, 2015 Happy anniversary today, oh wait you made choices were there is no more anniversary .. B**** 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ariess10 Posted June 1, 2015 Share Posted June 1, 2015 After five months, then you come telling me you want your MacBook and your stuff back. Do I look like someone who has nothing to do? I even bought a new charger for the MacBook, cos yours wasn't even working. Now what do you want me to do with the cable? Stick it up my bum bum? Keep it ? I agree like we sit around waiting for them to ask what they want back after months.. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
candie13 Posted June 1, 2015 Share Posted June 1, 2015 it's been 20 days since I've left. Funny how my brain messes with my memories. I have written to you asking you to react. You told me that you felt that you were holding me down and that thought was freezing you. I did do the hard work of asking for a reaction. Even provoking one. You are as clinical and cold as an icecube. Funny how I forget that. There actually is nothing more I can do without making a fool out of myself. Your lack of involvement is flagrant. Whom was I dating for all this time? It's only been 20 days and I am starting to slowly see things as they are. I am still fighting to get into acceptance land. That date helped, but I don't fancy the guy. I want to heal on my own and only see men that interest me. Actually keeping my head busy helps. I don't want to do another casting error. Let's all stay rational and mind our own businesses. In 20 more days, I'll be much better. in 40 more days I may not even care. I want love and I will find love. MAy you find whatever your heart is ready to receive. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Louise17 Posted June 3, 2015 Share Posted June 3, 2015 Hello everyone...And I feel like I should give a bit more information about myself and the crazy and upsetting relationship I have ( again) just come out of...I'm new here so please bear with me... A long story short...I met my ex emotionally unavailable guy online on a social network site...Honestly I was very cautious at first as I know it's very hit and miss meeting people online and also there are lots of dodgy characters out there...But I gave him a chance as he seemed sweet and honest and different to all the guys I have talked to...He was honestly...At first...There is an age difference between us too...I'm in my mid thirties and he was in his mid twenties...And that made me even more wary...But he did a really good job of pursuing me and convincing me he was the one for me....He did the fast forwarding and future faking so good...And I believed every word...We started in a long distance relationship at first...He lived in Northern Ireland and I lived in England...But I have family over there so it didn't bother me and I regularly went to see my family over in N.Ireland so it was no big deal to go and see him... We met it was great...I though ' I have found the guy for me' and he seemed to feel exactly the same...Actually more full on than me even...He talked of marriage kids...He seemed to want it all...The first year was lovely...He asked me to go over and live there with my family so I could be closer to him...I did...I gave up my job and my friends and went to live with my Aunt over there...And then things started to change...Some weeks he wanted to see me...And some weeks he didn't...Saying he felt down and wanted to leave it for a bit...He blew hot and cold all the time...Some weeks saying he loved me and I was the only one for him...Then some weeks saying I could do better than him and he didn't know why I was with him...I was confused I didn't know what to do... All the plans we had to get engaged ( all his idea) were changed...He did a 180 degree u turn and told me he didn't want to get married or have kids...I said ok that's fine...He even gave me a ring in the first year...But said that was just a friendship ring...When he had said at the time it was a promise of an engagement ring and that would be next...Every time I went to see him he was different...Sometimes loving...Sometimes distant...He started getting into online gaming and made loads of new friends on Twitter ( Nearly all younger than him)... If I said anything he didn't like or disagreed with he started not talking to me or contacting me for weeks...He started to be dubious and shady too...He wouldn't let me follow him or him follow me on Twitter...He started going mad if I looked at his Twitter feed... The thing that did it for me though was I went to see him and he told me he didn't know what he wanted and wouldn't even be interested in an 18 year old model...He just wanted to be on his own...I was upset but said ok...I know when to walk away...I told him I was moving back to England...And that was over 2 years ago...During that time he has continually tried to get me back and then when he has gone cold on me again...He has arranged to see me so many times and begged for another chance then let me down at the last minute and that's happened so many times...I have lost money on flights that have been booked etc...He always comes back with excuses...I have gone NC on him so many times I have lost count...But he comes back again after months begging saying he loves me and to give him another chance...And I know I'm really stupid but I have...I still love him...I know it's crazy...And I know he is no good for me...But I still love him...And I wish I didn't...I know he talks and flirts with other girls behind my back...I will explain how I know another time...He is sly and shady...And doesn't share things with me...He calls me names and is abusive and manipulates me...I'm angry with him and myself...Because I'm intelligent believe it or not...I can't understand why I still care...Every time it's me that finishes it too...But I go back..I'm NC again...And I'm going to try not to fall off the wagon...I can't keep hurting myself...I have only told you a little bit of the story...There is more...But I think that's enough for now...I know there are loads of people on here going through the same thing...And it's so hard it really is...I would really like to hear how your coping too...I'm going to try and be strong... Link to post Share on other sites
CopingGal Posted June 3, 2015 Share Posted June 3, 2015 1 year 2 months since BU and I still hurt for him. We haven't stayed full NC and that is partially my fault but I just miss him so much. I know he is still with the trash he left me for and I know it is LD and they only see each other once a week. I still hurt so bad. I never let him see my hurt and he thinks I am doing fine. He started coming around a bit lately and pulling over when he sees me only walks. But as soon as I found out he has not yet thrown out the trash I pulled away. I so want to hate him but my heart won't let me. We still have ties to each other (not kids) and he seems in no hurry to break them. I know the feelings are still there he is just bring so very stupid. I am trying so hard to let him go from my heart but am finding I cannot. Why are you calling her trash? He's the one that left you. Sounds like he may be trash. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
StrangerThanFiction Posted June 3, 2015 Share Posted June 3, 2015 I haven't been getting enough sleep these last few days so maybe that's why I was all negative, cranky, and brooding about you today. I hope one day in the future you realize what you lost when you chose her over me. Twice. God, I was stupid to take you back, but strangely, I still think it was for the best in the long run. I'm glad to know the truth even though it damn near killed me finding out you had been continuing your affair or whatever it is you have with her for the last 2 years. I only hope that one day that decision comes back to seriously bite you in your abnormally large ass. I hope that even after all the crawling after her you've done, all the debt you've put yourself into spending money on her, and all the working out and tattooing you've done and gotten to try to change yourself into the tattooed-up superficial alpha male type she clearly wants will blow up in your face and she chews you up, spits you out, and ends up with someone else. Maybe then you'll see what you had in me. Maybe then you'll remember that I was the one you could always rely upon. That I was the one who was there for you during some of the toughest points in your life. That I was the one who loved you for you, even when you were at your worst and didn't demand that you to change to fit what I thought was an ideal man. Maybe you'll remember the comfort we had in being together. Maybe you'll realize that comfort and stability are more important than excitement and roller coasters when it comes to the long term. Maybe, maybe, maybe. Maybe you won't see any of that at all. Maybe you'll end up being happy together for the rest of your lives. But you know what? Whichever way it goes doesn't matter. At least not to me. Not anymore. My ego would love for you to come crawling back, begging for another chance. As for my heart and mind? They're perfectly fine with never knowing how the rest of your life turns out. Whether your life turns into a heaven or hell is irrevelant to me. It was irrelevant the day we broke up after I found out the lies you told both her and I. You're her problem now and good riddance. So I'm not going to wish good or ill on you because I don't care what happens to you anymore, but I will wish swift consequences to your actions. Link to post Share on other sites
CopingGal Posted June 3, 2015 Share Posted June 3, 2015 Hello everyone...And I feel like I should give a bit more information about myself and the crazy and upsetting relationship I have ( again) just come out of...I'm new here so please bear with me... A long story short...I met my ex emotionally unavailable guy online on a social network site...Honestly I was very cautious at first as I know it's very hit and miss meeting people online and also there are lots of dodgy characters out there...But I gave him a chance as he seemed sweet and honest and different to all the guys I have talked to...He was honestly...At first...There is an age difference between us too...I'm in my mid thirties and he was in his mid twenties...And that made me even more wary...But he did a really good job of pursuing me and convincing me he was the one for me....He did the fast forwarding and future faking so good...And I believed every word...We started in a long distance relationship at first...He lived in Northern Ireland and I lived in England...But I have family over there so it didn't bother me and I regularly went to see my family over in N.Ireland so it was no big deal to go and see him... We met it was great...I though ' I have found the guy for me' and he seemed to feel exactly the same...Actually more full on than me even...He talked of marriage kids...He seemed to want it all...The first year was lovely...He asked me to go over and live there with my family so I could be closer to him...I did...I gave up my job and my friends and went to live with my Aunt over there...And then things started to change...Some weeks he wanted to see me...And some weeks he didn't...Saying he felt down and wanted to leave it for a bit...He blew hot and cold all the time...Some weeks saying he loved me and I was the only one for him...Then some weeks saying I could do better than him and he didn't know why I was with him...I was confused I didn't know what to do... All the plans we had to get engaged ( all his idea) were changed...He did a 180 degree u turn and told me he didn't want to get married or have kids...I said ok that's fine...He even gave me a ring in the first year...But said that was just a friendship ring...When he had said at the time it was a promise of an engagement ring and that would be next...Every time I went to see him he was different...Sometimes loving...Sometimes distant...He started getting into online gaming and made loads of new friends on Twitter ( Nearly all younger than him)... If I said anything he didn't like or disagreed with he started not talking to me or contacting me for weeks...He started to be dubious and shady too...He wouldn't let me follow him or him follow me on Twitter...He started going mad if I looked at his Twitter feed... The thing that did it for me though was I went to see him and he told me he didn't know what he wanted and wouldn't even be interested in an 18 year old model...He just wanted to be on his own...I was upset but said ok...I know when to walk away...I told him I was moving back to England...And that was over 2 years ago...During that time he has continually tried to get me back and then when he has gone cold on me again...He has arranged to see me so many times and begged for another chance then let me down at the last minute and that's happened so many times...I have lost money on flights that have been booked etc...He always comes back with excuses...I have gone NC on him so many times I have lost count...But he comes back again after months begging saying he loves me and to give him another chance...And I know I'm really stupid but I have...I still love him...I know it's crazy...And I know he is no good for me...But I still love him...And I wish I didn't...I know he talks and flirts with other girls behind my back...I will explain how I know another time...He is sly and shady...And doesn't share things with me...He calls me names and is abusive and manipulates me...I'm angry with him and myself...Because I'm intelligent believe it or not...I can't understand why I still care...Every time it's me that finishes it too...But I go back..I'm NC again...And I'm going to try not to fall off the wagon...I can't keep hurting myself...I have only told you a little bit of the story...There is more...But I think that's enough for now...I know there are loads of people on here going through the same thing...And it's so hard it really is...I would really like to hear how your coping too...I'm going to try and be strong... Sounds like he has some mental health issues. He also sounds very arrogant, entitled, and ridiculous. Leave him be and get out. Link to post Share on other sites
CopingGal Posted June 3, 2015 Share Posted June 3, 2015 Hello and Im new here...Im just out of a 6year on/off relationship rollercoaster of emotional abuse and me basically letting myself be used as a doormat...I have finished it (again) for goodness knows how many times...Honestly...Its taken its toll on me emotionally and physically...Im doing NC at the moment And have been for nearly 3 weeks but fell of the wagon on Saturday and emailed him ( Im still angry at the waste of 6 years and how I was treated)...Just a very short email to let him know not to ever contact me and to delete my number he has a habit of continually texting me after a month or 2...(Believe me if I told you the full story you would think I was crazy for what I put up with...The things you do in the name of love though)...So I completely understand where you are coming from and what you are saying...Thankyou for the post Polywog... Im now back on the NC wagon and I do intend to stay on it... I would like to hear from anyone in the same boat too... I dated a sociopath for some years. I didn't know. Everything was a lie. We were on again and off again. I thought he was just hard to deal with and misunderstood. Instead, he turned out to be a serious cheater, a compulsive liar and a sociopath who mentally tortured me and emotionally abused me. Get out and stay out. Run away. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gwwm123 Posted June 3, 2015 Share Posted June 3, 2015 Mornings are the worst, knowing I have to spend the day with this background music singing sad songs about how I miss you and how this loneliness will follow until I expire. I want to forget you, I want to not feel this way, If I am to be alone then so be it but I just want to be happy with that notion, right now its an impossible way to feel. My high hopes have turned upside down, the grass is no longer greener, the light is dimmer, the taste is bitter, the nights of wandering, forever and ever. Link to post Share on other sites
Ariess10 Posted June 3, 2015 Share Posted June 3, 2015 The morning are defiantly the worst for me, everyone around me is happy and smiling when my world has stopped . This breakup has brought me to my knees , now the only thing I can do is start to get back up. I was gonna marry you I never felt that way EVER. But that's the past there is no more dreams . Just what used to be .. It hurts a lot 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Yummm Posted June 3, 2015 Share Posted June 3, 2015 "I bet you start loving me Soon as I start loving someone else Somebody better than you I bet you start needing me Soon as you see me with someone else Somebody other than you And I know that it hurts You know that it hurts your pride But you thought the grass was greener on the other side I bet you start loving me Soon as I start loving someone else Somebody better than you" Ciara - I bet ^ the song that she used to dance and sing to me 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Louise17 Posted June 3, 2015 Share Posted June 3, 2015 I dated a sociopath for some years. I didn't know. Everything was a lie. We were on again and off again. I thought he was just hard to deal with and misunderstood. Instead, he turned out to be a serious cheater, a compulsive liar and a sociopath who mentally tortured me and emotionally abused me. Get out and stay out. Run away. Hello coping gal...And thank you for the reply...What your saying sounds very familiar to me...I have thought for ages he might have some personality disorder...He is a loner in real life...But seems to have a different persona online...The guy I thought I knew was quiet shy and sweet at first...But when he is online he is completely different...He has so many online friends male and female it's really surprising...And he is very secretive about it...If I mentioned it there was trouble...I wasn't even allowed to look at his Facebook or Twitter feed...And he used to try and control things that I said as well...I was told to shut my mouth and not say anything a lot... I am better of without him...He causes me pain emotionally and physically...I have to keep NC...Even though it's difficult...Thankyou again for your reply... Link to post Share on other sites
DinnerForOne Posted June 3, 2015 Share Posted June 3, 2015 My darling, I honestly love you with all of my heart. I cannot believe that it's over. I don't want it to be over. 10 years just gone, wiped out, because of a stupid argument. Please reconsider. I think getting divorced will be the biggest mistake of our lives and we are both going to regret it. Leaving me is not going to solve any of your problems, my problems, or our problems, it's going to compound them. If we could just COMMIT to consistent therapy we CAN work this out. Each of us in our own therapy as well as couples therapy. We CAN work this out. I love you deeply. XXX 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Yummm Posted June 4, 2015 Share Posted June 4, 2015 Now that I ignored your breadcrumbs, does that mean that you finally get the picture and never speak to me again? I see you everyday on the way to work, i'm sure you see me, heck you just drove past me 5 minutes ago! Do you not feel anything? Ah well, I know that I shouldn't give a damn about what you think or feel - It's been 4 weeks and you haven't yet come crawling back to me regretting your decision, I don't need you, I don't want you.... I think 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Woon Posted June 4, 2015 Share Posted June 4, 2015 I know that youre under an incredible amount of stress at work and its hard to focus on anything else. But was lashing out and leaving me really what you wanted? Part of me wants to wait till the burden is off your shoulders before talking, but with everything that has happened, would it make any difference? Im still sitting here, waiting to hear about tomorrow. Link to post Share on other sites
StrangerThanFiction Posted June 5, 2015 Share Posted June 5, 2015 Dear ex, Hey, how are you? Wait, I don't care. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
darkbloom Posted June 5, 2015 Share Posted June 5, 2015 Hey A, I've had the itch to reach out to you for three days now. You know I won't do it because I am not that person anymore. We can't go back. I will write it here as this is the only place you can feel me now. I miss going to dinner with you. We visited so many placed together that it's hard to walk in them without you. Even when I am with friends or with new people. I just want you sitting across from me to ask "How was your day?" F-ck the movies. F-ck Netflix informing me that The Best of Me is now available on streaming and a movie that they know I will love. That's the last movie you offered to take me to. Is this a conspiracy? I passed your parents house yesterday on the way home from the movies. I don't know why it was so tough. I haven't been in their neighborhood in over six months. It doesn't feel that long. I miss them more than you know. Lastly, f-ck you. F-ck you for being so goddamn selfish. F-ck you for making poor life decisions and being such a coward. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Yummm Posted June 5, 2015 Share Posted June 5, 2015 Please stop sending me breadcrumbs. You were the one who decided to cut me out of your life. You were the one who decided to drop the guy that worshipped the ground you walked on, adored every imperfection of yours, fed you with confidence and self worth and wanted to share his world with you. Now that I'm not giving you attention you're trying to get hold of me? Not fair. I loved you, I cared about you, I STILL care about you, but want you to be a distant happy memory, not a nightmare. Please, stop playing games. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ariess10 Posted June 5, 2015 Share Posted June 5, 2015 Hey A, I've had the itch to reach out to you for three days now. You know I won't do it because I am not that person anymore. We can't go back. I will write it here as this is the only place you can feel me now. I miss going to dinner with you. We visited so many placed together that it's hard to walk in them without you. Even when I am with friends or with new people. I just want you sitting across from me to ask "How was your day?" F-ck the movies. F-ck Netflix informing me that The Best of Me is now available on streaming and a movie that they know I will love. That's the last movie you offered to take me to. Is this a conspiracy? I passed your parents house yesterday on the way home from the movies. I don't know why it was so tough. I haven't been in their neighborhood in over six months. It doesn't feel that long. I miss them more than you know. Lastly, f-ck you. F-ck you for being so goddamn selfish. F-ck you for making poor life decisions and being such a coward. amen **** it !!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
candie13 Posted June 5, 2015 Share Posted June 5, 2015 it's been 19 days since I've mailed your stuff and 23 days since we broke up and I went NC. Life went by, I've fallen back onto my single girl's habits that I love and hate, I see my old friends and go to the places I like to hang out. As time passes by, you seem to fade into the past, each day a little bit longer. Your apartment, your face... not even your kisses, but your presence is fading out like that of a ghost disintegrating into the morning light, losing shape and texture as darkness creeps out in the sheltered corners of my apartment. I'm still grieving. It's not even been a month. Everything is supposed to get better after one month, 30 days of NC, that's the magic pill, the magic answer to all post breakup heartaches. But I know the truth. I know that the magic number is 60. 60 days. I remember that weeks 5 and 6 are much easier. I don't remember much after that. Basically, in exactly 2 weeks from now, I'm supposed to be brand new. Not unlikely. Not unlikely at all. Day one out of fourteen. I can make it happen. I can make it happen. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
DinnerForOne Posted June 5, 2015 Share Posted June 5, 2015 Dear "J", This is not a letter to win you back. This is not a letter to ask for your forgiveness. This is a letter of apology coming from purity of intention and heart. The word "sorry" does not come close to the deep remorse and the deep regret and the apology you deserve. It is the only word I know that I can say. Sorry for the things I said about you and your DD; not just during our final argument, but over the last 10 years. I have no excuse. The things I have said should not have even crossed my mind let alone my lips and I am so sorry that I hurt you in a way that only a parent can understand. I am so so sorry...... Link to post Share on other sites
Woon Posted June 5, 2015 Share Posted June 5, 2015 You came through like you said. But not to see me. You tell me youll call me in a few minutes to arrange for tomorrow, its been 3hours. I dont want to see you to beg you back, i want to see you to hear what you have to say. But, all this just makes me realise more and more: i dont need you in my life. Better yet. i dont want you in it. You cant cope with any kind of pressure and fall apart and run when things get tough. I will contact you within the next month regarding all my belongings. Take care. Link to post Share on other sites
candie13 Posted June 6, 2015 Share Posted June 6, 2015 so it took me exactly 25 days of NC to go back on the dating site. I just wanted to delete you from my contacts - well... suprise surprise, you had deleted me first. Feel great to see you've already moved on and I was stupid to stay put. Great, you go, man, happy hunting! Nothing like a nice ice cold shower, yaaaaay !!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Yummm Posted June 6, 2015 Share Posted June 6, 2015 (edited) Waking up to your beautiful smile in the morning, the touch of your skin, the smell of your hair.... all becoming a distant memory. It hurts the worst when the person that made you feel so special yesterday, makes you feel so unwanted today. I miss you, but I don't want you. I never imagined that somebody who I loved with all my heart and soul could hurt me so much. I have a feeling you'll come back in the future, deep down I want you to realize the mistake you have made! But please don't. I need to move on....I will move on.... Edited June 6, 2015 by Yummm 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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