Emilia Posted June 6, 2015 Share Posted June 6, 2015 Miss you. It's much better now though and have no intention to get in touch. If you want that job I'll help you but I'm over the worst and I know no matter what I would have handled differently, the outcome would have been the same. No-one can give you the reassurance you need. It's like a bottomless pit, it kills everything. Lack of object constancy is a bastard. I watched you the past year and it never got better. Which is a shame because I did love you very much. I think I spent two weeks drunk after leaving BUT this is better and there is no way back. Sometimes you are the best company in the world. And I wish I had the chance to push you into the fruit section in Marks & Spencer to return the favour. kw xx 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Woon Posted June 6, 2015 Share Posted June 6, 2015 Success and accomplishment. The feeling of not being successfull or having accomplished anything. Once my brother mentioned it, it was as if all became clear. Why my negativity, pettiness and us growing apart coincided with you doing so well. Even though you deserve everything single thing. I measured myself up too much against everything and everyone else. So dont just blame yourself, i finally know and understand what has been lacking in my life. Ill always love you and you were always enough for me. More than, quirks and all. My insecurity about not being succesfull played havok with my mind and mood subconciously and that rubbed off on you. For that, i am forever sorry even if the apology is too late.. The last 3 years i worked on myself. I lost my arrogance, gained confidence in my looks AND my personality thanks to you. I became mature and responsible, in turn becoming a better person. Now i just need this one thing for me to be complete and happy. So i can be proud of me and hopefully, one day, so will you. Until then, i will continue to work hard and make a success of this, so i do not make the same mistakes in the future. After alot of thinking and realisation, you were right and i will learn from this. I dont blame you and hold no ill will whatsoever for what happened to us. Im no good with words(as i regularly trip over them) and stating my thoughts clearly, so i thought it would be better to type it all out, so i dont mess it up. I dont know when i will eventually send you this, but as im typing this, know it comes straight from my heart and i mean it in earnest. Every word,*i hope you take it to heart and believe in me, as i believe in you. You, my best friend, my first true love. You will always have a special place in my heart and hopefully i in yours. Hopefully next time we meet, we will both be in a better place and on better terms. I look very much forward to that day. Be it weeks, months or years from now. Take care Jos. Link to post Share on other sites
TrevorDia Posted June 7, 2015 Share Posted June 7, 2015 I prayed for you today. I prayed that you'd get everything you want. I prayed forgiveness for the things I've been wanting to happen to you. And I forgive you for everything that happened. I hope you find what you're looking for. I hope you get it too. You, like me, deserve joy. We can't do that when we spend our lives clinging to our past hurt. So that's that. I don't need to tell you this face to face, it requires no response, I don't even particularly need you to know you're forgiven. I'm always going to love you. And just so you know, if I had the chance, I'd do it all over again. Goodnight xxx 5 Link to post Share on other sites
JollyDays Posted June 7, 2015 Share Posted June 7, 2015 Dear "J", This is not a letter to win you back. This is not a letter to ask for your forgiveness. This is a letter of apology coming from purity of intention and heart. The word "sorry" does not come close to the deep remorse and the deep regret and the apology you deserve. It is the only word I know that I can say. Sorry for the things I said about you and your DD; not just during our final argument, but over the last 10 years. I have no excuse. The things I have said should not have even crossed my mind let alone my lips and I am so sorry that I hurt you in a way that only a parent can understand. I am so so sorry...... Babe, is that you? Miss Creole Lady Marmalade? Link to post Share on other sites
JollyDays Posted June 7, 2015 Share Posted June 7, 2015 I was grasping for a sweet memory. But if it is you---and I am damn near 100% sure it isn't---I have always thought of you, and I will always love you. Yeah, I quoted Whitney. ? Link to post Share on other sites
The Poster Posted June 7, 2015 Share Posted June 7, 2015 I prayed for you today. I prayed that you'd get everything you want. I prayed forgiveness for the things I've been wanting to happen to you. And I forgive you for everything that happened. I hope you find what you're looking for. I hope you get it too. You, like me, deserve joy. We can't do that when we spend our lives clinging to our past hurt. So that's that. I don't need to tell you this face to face, it requires no response, I don't even particularly need you to know you're forgiven. I'm always going to love you. And just so you know, if I had the chance, I'd do it all over again. Goodnight xxx This is beautiful. Link to post Share on other sites
Louise17 Posted June 7, 2015 Share Posted June 7, 2015 I have so many things to say to you I don't know where to begin... Over a month now since we broke up and I last heard from you and I should be glad...But part of me is sad and thinks it's all just a shame...The other part of me is glad I don't have to be lied to emotionally abused and used as an option anymore...Yes you can be loving and charming...But it comes at a price...And that's my misery as none of it was real and you were just being like that to get what you wanted...I mean what's wrong with you?...Why keep doing that to me?...Why?...It's no longer my problem though... I will never get any answers off you or an apology...I know that...You live in a world that isn't real and you think you are something your not...Your a user and just don't care...Aslong as you look good to the people who don't really know you...That's all you care about... I wonder if you will ever wake up and realise how much you hurt me...But I know you won't...Because if you did that you would have to accept certain things about yourself...And you won't do that...It's better to live a lie... I hope I can get over all of this and just not care one day...That's all I want... I'm better off without you and I won't be coming back... Link to post Share on other sites
ColdandLonelyinAK Posted June 7, 2015 Share Posted June 7, 2015 I hear you're trying to "hook up" with multiple women in one night, and making a fool out of yourself.... All the while, you're still talking to this poor chick from back home who thinks you care about her. Doing to her what you did to me, except she won't be able to see the condoms and hickeys like I did while we were together, and you denied it all and insulted my intelligence in the process. You're a pig. I'm so happy to be rid of you. Enjoy your pot, booze and STDS... *******. Can't wait for the day when it all catches up with you. You had a good woman who was frustrated but wanted to make it work. You left her for a LDR so you can have your cake and eat it too. You're too weak of a human being to deal with what comes with a relationship. (Yes, I'm bitter) 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Heatemyheart89 Posted June 7, 2015 Share Posted June 7, 2015 You sent me a final message, I can't reply as I am blocked. You said I go you wrong and you aren't that bad. You were trying to salvage your self esteem when I was trying to save the relationship. There are no winners here. Im sad it came to this and I'll miss you x Link to post Share on other sites
JollyDays Posted June 7, 2015 Share Posted June 7, 2015 (edited) Okay, I think my time at LS has concluded---well, in this forum. It was very therapeutic but now it's time to move on to the next chapter of life. ****, I'll probably just float over to other threads. Edited June 7, 2015 by JollyDays Link to post Share on other sites
Yummm Posted June 7, 2015 Share Posted June 7, 2015 Why are you teasing me? That beautiful dress I bought you to wear on my birthday a week before you broke up with me.. When you broke up with me you told me that you would never wear this dress and want to give it back to me, but I didn't take it. Now you go out and wear it in front of me? The pain... ahh well, self inflicted pain, not expecting you to care. Link to post Share on other sites
candie13 Posted June 7, 2015 Share Posted June 7, 2015 **** you, you cold, sneaky motherf*cker. third week of full NC - DONE !!! See you in hell !!! Actually, I am such a badass, I'm sure we won't even end up on the same floor! Hasta nunca, you loser ! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
DinnerForOne Posted June 8, 2015 Share Posted June 8, 2015 Babe, is that you? Miss Creole Lady Marmalade? I was grasping for a sweet memory. But if it is you---and I am damn near 100% sure it isn't---I have always thought of you, and I will always love you. Yeah, I quoted Whitney. ? I wish it was..... but alas, my "J" would never say such sweet words to me. *Sigh* Link to post Share on other sites
DinnerForOne Posted June 8, 2015 Share Posted June 8, 2015 I have so many things to say to you I don't know where to begin... Over a month now since we broke up and I last heard from you and I should be glad...But part of me is sad and thinks it's all just a shame...The other part of me is glad I don't have to be lied to emotionally abused and used as an option anymore...Yes you can be loving and charming...But it comes at a price...And that's my misery as none of it was real and you were just being like that to get what you wanted...I mean what's wrong with you?...Why keep doing that to me?...Why?...It's no longer my problem though... I will never get any answers off you or an apology...I know that...You live in a world that isn't real and you think you are something your not...Your a user and just don't care...Aslong as you look good to the people who don't really know you...That's all you care about... I wonder if you will ever wake up and realise how much you hurt me...But I know you won't...Because if you did that you would have to accept certain things about yourself...And you won't do that...It's better to live a lie... I hope I can get over all of this and just not care one day...That's all I want... I'm better off without you and I won't be coming back... My word..... are we married to the same guy? This is my STBEH through and through. Link to post Share on other sites
smellysocksuni Posted June 8, 2015 Share Posted June 8, 2015 I fluctuate between hating and despising you, and missing you. I have no idea how you feel, as I haven't spoken to you in ages. I thought you had forgotten me, until you tweeted those things about me. It sent me reeling, and I felt like you'd just broken up with me again. I still don't know why you did that. I would like to think it's because you feel bad, and because you miss me in some capacity. But I think you just did it because you're frustrated that you can't contact me, and you wanted to get my attention. I don't think you care. You only seem to care about yourself. I think back to how the pain felt and it was a nightmare; I was crying in supermarkets. I couldn't even sleep in my own bed because it reminded me of you. I couldn't even cook in my own kitchen because it reminded me of you. And yet STILL I wanted to be your friend! How pathetic. I don't think you and your new partner are happy. That person can't give you what I gave you in so many different ways. That person is purely there for your viewing pleasure; because let me tell you - I am more intelligent, witty, fun, smart, sexy... I am much more than that person, and I hope you realise this. No matter how much I want to speak to you sometimes... you will never hear from me again. You lost that privilege a long time ago. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Louise17 Posted June 9, 2015 Share Posted June 9, 2015 My word..... are we married to the same guy? This is my STBEH through and through. They all have the same MO Dinner for one...I wasn't married to him thank goodness...Just endured 6 years of lies, emotional abuse, projection, gaslighting and broken promises...Yes there were a few good times in there too...When he wanted to be nice to me he really could be...This was the hook...This is what I held on to...Until I woke up...And thank goodness I did... Link to post Share on other sites
callingyouuu Posted June 9, 2015 Share Posted June 9, 2015 We last spoke together/were physically intimate 3 months ago. Hours ago today I found out that she's engaged to someone else (who she's known for a while). I'm physically, emotionally, spiritually gutted. I wish I had never met you. I wish I could wake up and realize that this was a 2-year long dream and could have those precious years back. I wish I could remove the longing in my heart when I think about your smile and your laugh. While I hope I feel differently when I wake up one of these days, right now I wish I were dead. Link to post Share on other sites
Throldur Posted June 9, 2015 Share Posted June 9, 2015 I know you've been thinking of me. I can feel it. I've been thinking of you. I've never stopped. I'm holding on to you. You're holding onto a dream that isn't real. We should be holding on to each other. We both overlooked the great thing in front of us. I was afraid to embrace it fully. You were afraid of me embracing it fully. Had we both figured it out early enough, we would have enjoyed 6 months of amazing bliss. Instead this dichotomy has brought us imaginable pain and an overwhelming sea of mistakes. I need you. I need you to reach out and break this silence. If we could only talk to each other. We could reach a conclusion. A conclusion that brings sweetness and eternal love back into our lives. These sunny days in the car just remind me of you being there. I don't want to move on. But this is the reality the way it is. Miles are stretched between us and I can't close them. Only you can. I must move on because this reality doesn't have you in it. As much as I want you to be. I wish I could discover a way to influence your thoughts to speak to me. Let's not waste another moment that could be us together. We are both messed up but together we were perfect. I love you so much. I miss you even more. I can't get you off my mind. You are interlaced into every experience, every location. You are a part of my DNA and I know you feel it too. You were always so stubborn. Stop walking down a path that is a dead end and return to the path, with me, that is golden and glittering. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
StrangerThanFiction Posted June 9, 2015 Share Posted June 9, 2015 Welp, I am firmly in the anger stage of the healing process lately. I guess it's better than the depression/sadness stage but I'm getting really fed up with feeling like my skin is on tingly fire and the post rage headaches. Yes, my body has weird reactions to strong emotions sometimes. In this exact moment I hate you. The very thought of you makes me want to throw my couch through a wall. Preferably one you're standing against. As you know, I'm not a physically violent person so me wanting to hit you with a couch should give you a pretty good idea of how pissed I am. You've been warned. Anyway. May you get a virulent strain of herpes all over your body. May impotence forever be your constant companion. And may all decent women shun you so you'll end up with someone just like you. Cheating scum. Good day. Link to post Share on other sites
darkbloom Posted June 9, 2015 Share Posted June 9, 2015 Hey A, I'm considering unfollowing our mutual friends for a little while on Instagram so I don't have to see your name pop up anymore. I haven't checked any of your social media but I feel that your name showing up is holding back my healing. I don't know what else I can do to move on. I know an apology from you isn't likely. And I know that ultimately it won't make me feel better. I know for sure that I couldn't go through the breakup again. It would kill me. It scares me how far I've come in 6 months. I never want to be that broken again. You did that to me. And I let you. I just want something that I plan to workout the way it's supposed to. Love, db 1 Link to post Share on other sites
callingyouuu Posted June 9, 2015 Share Posted June 9, 2015 I'm considering unfollowing our mutual friends for a little while on Instagram so I don't have to see your name pop up anymore. I haven't checked any of your social media but I feel that your name showing up is holding back my healing. I did this exact thing for the same reason. Nothing to be ashamed of, IMO. Greatest priority is healing right now to rediscover the happy, witty person I was before meeting her, and I'll do whatever necessary to make that happen. Best wishes, hope things improve for you soon. Link to post Share on other sites
DinnerForOne Posted June 9, 2015 Share Posted June 9, 2015 What is it you want "J". Why do you text me every 3-4 days with "nonsense". Your most recent text: "will be travelling x-y date. Trust everything in the house is in order?" What do you care? You LEFT remember! You couldn't be bothered to send me a text on my B-day, which was 2 days ago, but you text me with this B**S**. I don't care if you're travelling for work. I don't need to tell you what is or what is not going on at home because you actually don't give a S*** anyway. So why are you texting me???? Link to post Share on other sites
thekarmacist Posted June 9, 2015 Share Posted June 9, 2015 it's been 30 days of silence today, and i knew you wouldn't apologize or try to make things right. we've been through this before, but this is the last time. glad to know that maintaining the illusion of being right is more important that the last 7 years. i've got you blocked everywhere; i removed you from gmail chat so i can't see you there, either. i've got a better shot at lung cancer than you actually admitting you're wrong and getting some therapy, so i am doing everything i can to move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Yummm Posted June 9, 2015 Share Posted June 9, 2015 I'm really fed up of the urges to message you... give my head a damn break! Link to post Share on other sites
darkbloom Posted June 10, 2015 Share Posted June 10, 2015 Oh A. Last night I did what I have been putting off forever. I deleted all of our pictures off Instagram and Facebook. Every single one of them. Even group ones. I untagged myself from the photos that others have posted of us and hid them from my timeline. There is now not a single shred of evidence that we even knew each other. I didn't dream of you at all after the breakup. You have now been in my dreams every night for the last two weeks. What does that even mean? I have removed you from my life as much as I can. I am running away from everything to do with you as fast as I can. At work, I don't allow myself to dwell on you or our situation. I want this to be over. I want to be numb. I stopped praying for you over three months ago. Everything I do seems to be useless in my struggle against you. Link to post Share on other sites
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