Post here instead of contacting your ex!

[OldSoul86]

B,

 

It has been two weeks since the breakup. I am not doing well at all - I feel like I am on an emotional roller coaster ride and I want to get off. I am sorry for hurting you, I also hurt myself in the process too. No matter how much pain I feel, I can't let this derail my progress. It absolutely kills me to say that you are not the one for me. We want different things in our lives and no matter what happened it wouldn't have worked out in the end because of the deal breaker. We both deserve someone who can share in the lives we want.

 

Many people have told me to not feel guilty or to not feel bad about being the dumper - they tell me that everyone has a right to stop doing something that no longer serves them. Regardless, I still feel awful because I truly did want to be with you. I tried my best to prove it day in and day out until I realized that we just aren't compatible life partners. I don't want to get back together because a relationship with you would compromise who I am. Irrespective of that, I still hurt, I still cry, and I still long for one of your amazing hugs.

 

I am starting to realize that I have some very deep personal issues that I need to deal with. I am a people fixer (a white knight if you will), and I fear that I'll keep getting into unhealthy relationships because of this. I need help. It is not my job to fix your life - you need to take responsibility for your own struggles. There is no nobility in taking on the suffering of others, because it just drags you further down than you've ever been before.

 

To this day I still pray for you, I pray that God sends you an angel to help mend your heart and help you realize that you need help too. I will continue to pray for you for the rest of my life if that's what it takes. You never did truly understand what you meant to me. Even out of the relationship now, I want you to live a life full of love and happiness because you deserve it - and I am sorry I am not the man to give you the life you want, and it would be unfair to both of us to continue a relationship that is better off broken. Please be gentle with yourself and treasure our time together because it was perfect for the time, and was exactly what we wanted.

 

M

Edited June 17, 2015 by OldSoul86

[NomiMalone]

Truth is that I've not stopped thinking about you since the day we met.

 

I just wanna know... do you think about me too?

[Thistooshallpass21]

Dearest OZ

Even though it has only been an hour since I last talked to you, it has been the most painful hour of my life. It was the last time that I shall talk to you and I did make a few mistakes in that conversation by allowing my emotions to take over and I wish I could take that back, but I cannot. It has been the longest yet quickest month of my life since I've had the last kiss from you that I would ever receive. I just can't believe that it is over as we had such an amazing relationship. You were and always will be the love of my life. Maybe down the line we can figure things out as you seemed to be confused more than ever. Your actions have spoken more to me than your words. I just want you to know that I love you so much beautiful and that you still mean the world to me. After all this pain and confusion, I am still standing here tall knowing that you are the love of my life.

Love always,

BG

P.S. I miss you all way too much

[jdids247]

So here I am again.

 

Signing up for an online dating service was the last place I'd thought you'd find me. You weren't on there for the few weeks I was, then all of a sudden you viewed my profile. I was seeing the light at the end of the tunnel too and starting to feel comfortable seeing the women in the area.

 

Not sure if it was to be nosy, or to prove a point, or to block me, but I could still see you. It devastated me. I was back to square one. It took everything out of me to not contact you.

 

I have no idea how you think you're ready to date. You told me yourself that you're deathly afraid of being vulnerable for the two years of our relationship, so how in the hell do you think you're ready to drop your guard now when you wouldn't for me, after all we've been through? I still can't understand how hard it was for you to open up to me and I'm still flabbergasted on how you didn't feel safe. If anyone shouldn't have felt safe, it was me trying to give into your every demand, yet you treated me like crap and ignored my needs.

 

Please stop kidding yourself and just get therapy to slay the demons. You're not doing yourself any favors by dating right now...you'll just be back in the arms of someone like your ex husband and the ****ty people you used to date before me. Get your crap figured out before you pile it onto someone again like you did to me.

[fireflywy]

I struggle, I get angry, I feel peace, I feel remorse, I cry, I feel alone, I still lean on friends from time to time, and I still hurt when I think of you with someone else even though you didn't treat me the best and everyone agrees.

 

I wished you had fought for me more. I wished you had cared more then you did.

 

I still pray for you every night even though I struggle with my own faith that the God cares for me. If this new man makes you happy, then, when the anger of the day fades, and the whisper of my quiet prayers is released from my lips, then I pray for him too.

 

Maybe this makes we weak. I no longer know.

 

You will never know how this feels or how deeply I felt for you even through it all and God is silent to me amidst my tears.

 

If only you knew... you could have had your eyes been open when I was with you.

[ird]

Jordan,

 

You treated me like a piece of **** but the relationship ended before it could turn full blown abusive. If this is the case then why do I want to talk to you so badly? Why do I want to see you so badly, and run my hands through your hair and across your stubble? I want to see your ice blue eyes again, I want to see your pupils dilate when you look at me.

 

Why do I want this when you were so horrible to me? You ignored me so much, you're too busy with work. I bombarded you with text after text, sometimes even phonecalls that would only reach your voicemail and not your cute voice that I can clearly hear in my head, telling me sweet little things in bed where only us could hear?

 

We were together a WEEK, a freaking week. I know why I feel this way, I can't handle being single. I haven't been for years. I hop from one man to the next, it never ends. Until now, hopefully.

 

I just want to talk to you. I don't care how. You could scream at me, yell at me, insult me, berate me and I'd still be happy that you're still talking to me. Why do I miss you? Why did you have to be so possessive and always ignoring me? We could have been together, for longer, happier. I wish you hadn't ignored me so much. I wouldn't have ended things with you if you didn't. You're just too busy for me.

 

Honestly I didn't think you were ready for a relationship either. You have too much baggage from your ex. I was barely getting out of my first serious relationship. We shouldn't have jumped in. I felt as if we jumped in the ocean and you were the only one with a life vest, and I'm here sinking and drowning.

 

I feel like you don't give a damn that we're broken up. Neither of us should give a damn honestly, we've known eachother a little over a week. You were way too older than me also. Almost a decade my senior. I know there are so many better options out there for me. I know there are men who will cherish me and not ignore me blatantly and block me from social media. But they will have to wait. I know I need to be single for a while to look back at myself and process what's going on in my life.

 

sigh... I miss you Jordan. Why? God only knows.

[symphonyofwolves]

It was nine days ago when I randomly got a text from you. It was so random it almost didn’t sound like you.. I figured you had accidentally butt texted me again. I responded like a couple hours later and never received a a response back. Now I’m thinking damn maybe he never got my text. I automatically assumed all this time that you had just ignored me because it was meant for someone else and not me, but now I remember that the status of my text said ‘delivered’ not ‘read’ and you always have your read-receipts on. And it is just simple not like you for you to ignore me or diss my texts even if it was an accident. I’m scared now. Like lumps in my chest afraid now that you probably thought I ignored you all this damn time. But I guess I’ll never really know. I hate my ****ing phone. What made me think of this is because John told me today that he didn’t get none of my texts yesterday n that’s why he was all mad today. And that’s not the first time he’s told me he didn’t get my texts. Ugh so ****ing pissed. I can’t do nothing about it now though. If this is so, he’s past pissed off and it’s too ****ing late. He’s back with his ex. And I’m already on the path to getting over his ass. I’m still hurt. Idek if this is what happened or not. It’s still very possible he simply ignored me like i originally thought. I just wish he could have fb’d me or something. geez. i’m more sad than usual. but i also don’t really care. i’m just tired n fed up of all this mess. All the ****in miscommunications. I don’t understand. He’s weak tho n went back to her ass anyway. This would’ve happened either way. I’m just so damn sad n pathetic for missing him this much. I wish I could just get over it already. **** me please. I need you. I miss you.

[ird]

Jordan,

 

It got better last night. Then it got worse. I felt fine and I was okay. I fell asleep okay.

 

Then my brain decided to have a dream about you.

 

We were together, smiling and laughing. It sounds so cliche but we were rolling around in the grass. I could perfectly hear you laughing. I could see your eyes so damn vividly and I could feel your damn stubble against my hands. Why did it have to be so realistic? I woke up in a half-asleep state happy and relieved thinking we had gotten back together. Then I woke up. And I checked my phone. Nothing from you.

 

I haven't stopped crying since. I went crazy on you again and bombed you with texts. No response from you. I wish you'd respond.

 

I'm starting to realize you only used me for sex. But we did a lot of other cool things too.. you helped me with my car, you taught me a bit about them. Remember when you said we were going to take a road trip to Austin and go to that car show? And you were so surprised when I sounded excited to go?

 

God I miss you so much. Why does it have to be so hard? Will you ever talk to me again? I know it's impossible to ever get back together with you, I'm not sure if I even want to. I know it wouldn't be healthy and we'd end up back at square 1. I just wish you'd talk to me. I miss you so much.

 

Your blue eyes are going to haunt me. I understand why all the love songs talk about blue eyes now. You can't forget them no matter what. Yours especially, in the way they pierced everything you looked at. Including me.

 

We were supposed to hang out tomorrow. We were supposed to break in your new bed tomorrow. We were supposed to hold eachother and kiss eachother tomorrow. We were supposed to talk about your last 3 days of work.Why do I keep thinking you're perfect when you're far from it? I wish we got to know eachother before all of this. I wish I knew you were going to ignore me for days on end. If you didn't ignore me I never would have ended it.

 

I'm going to go chain smoke your favorite type of cigarettes. With the red lighter you always called brown. The one you always tried to steal from me.

 

God, I miss you so much Jordan, I wish you'd talk to me.

[OldSoul86]

B,

 

Another milestone day, another crummy reminder that you are no longer a part of my life. I had my interview with the private school system and aced it. I should be feeling high as a kite, but instead I just feel numb again, it is strange though - it is a numbness that is weakening. I felt completely numb when I had convocation last Friday. Today I just feel slightly numb and a bit more optimistic about my life in the future.

 

I am pouring my heart into trying to heal right now. I am trying my best to help others even though my heart is aching badly. I hope that by helping other people on this forum that it'll help me as well. People always said that I should learn to take my own advice - and you know what? They're absolutely right. I know what I need to do to get past the hurt, the pain, and the guilt. Hell, I just told someone in the long distance forum exactly the type of advice I should follow. Will I do it? I hope so - I just fear I will get stuck. Get stuck in the pain. I don't want to get stuck or be stuck - I need to heal.

 

I'm sorry that things did not work out. I am sorry that I disappointed you. Realize that I disappointed myself too. I wanted this to work out more than anything else in the world. I never wanted to hurt you. I only wanted to give you a chance to find another man that can help you live the life that you want. I hope you know that I still love and care about you - and always will.

 

Be well,

M

[StrangerThanFiction]

Ex,

 

I'm drunk. And I almost called you. It wasn't to beg for you to take me back; I don't want you back. It wasn't to reiterate every foul thing you did to me; I allowed you to continually treat me the way you did by me not leaving you earlier, because I was weak and thought that me loving you was a good excuse for you treating me like garbage. It also wasn't to tell you how hurt I was/am; that would do nothing but stoke your ego, and even drunk I know better than to do that.

 

Whatever. I'm getting tacos. Bye.

[Mondmellonw]

Why in hell do you hate me so much if you were the one to treat me with disrespect and abusively?

Why in hell do you hate me so much if you dumped me?

 

Go find someone who will be O.K. with being your doormat and servant.

I will never be O.K. with something like that.

[OldSoul86]

B,

 

Yesterday I treated myself and bought a couple of books to help me post breakup. I feel like I was dumped - being a forced dumper is awful. I honestly think that it is worse than being dumped. You still go through all of the same emotions the dumpee does, and then there's the guilt on top of that messy heap.

 

The books themselves haven't really taught me much of what I didn't know already. I am giving them a chance though - at least it gives me something to do, something to fill the massive void that you used to inhabit. One book suggests to do a relationship inventory, and I am going to do it. I want to see if there is anything I should be looking out for when selecting my next partner. I want to see if there are any discernible patterns that I can recognize, so that I make a better choice in love next time.

 

Clearly, you were the wrong person for me. It wasn't just the fact that you didn't want kids and went to tremendous lengths to ensure that you could not have them, it is the fact that you are so closed off emotionally. You never really opened up to me about your life. It was a HUGE red flag that I ignored. I wonder why you were so selective in what you told me? Do you have some serious hurt residing in yourself that you try to keep repressed? The book says that unresolved hurt more often than not ruins relationships. Your bitterness, your disdain for your job, your coworkers, and the world was continually running me down - I was miserable when I was your sounding board for your anger/bitterness/resentment. I had to get out. You were sullying my worldview and I refuse to be manipulated into thinking the way that you do. Once I saw that my outlook and love of life was narrowing, I did what I needed to do to save my sanity.

 

If you want to sit in front of a computer screen as much as humanly possible - be my guest. Life is passing you by and the worst part is that you just don't seem to care. I refuse to become a recluse - the world is too big, too beautiful, and full of awe-inspiring people. I don't want to let my life pass me by. I don't want to stay in a relationship because of guilt. We're all free to do what we choose. I choose to live my life on my terms - not yours. You are free to do what you choose.

 

<3

M

Edited June 21, 2015 by OldSoul86
Grammar

[jdids247]

Starting a new job on Monday, and all of these emotions are flooding me again. I wish I could just call you and head to the cabin like we used to. That used to be our 'happy place'. I don't know what I'm more devastated about....leaving a place I've known for 4.5 years that isn't good for me or having you in my head again even though I know you're bad for me.

 

I wish I could be with you for the emotional support, but I know that was never available anyway. I couldn't vent because you would blow up and tell me to stop complaining. Yet, you'd call me crying when things weren't working in your favor and I gave you the utmost support and comfort. You seemed to cause all of these issues, yet didn't have enough awareness and blamed it on everyone else.

 

I still don't know why you had to creep into my life again. You're invading my dreams and my mental health is suffering. I don't know if that's because of the new job, knowing you're only two houses down from me and avoiding any sort of confrontation with me, or that you viewed me on an online dating site. Seeing you made me realize that the progress I made in the last 3 months feels like it was for nothing.

 

I keep thinking about all of the hurtful things you said to me and I'm sitting here wondering why I'm pining over you. Everyone said you needed to pull your head out of your ass and realize what was in front of you, but you've always been entitled haven't you? As long as your happy, then we can proceed with our lives. Yet, you had the nerve to call me out for not wanting to immediately move in with you, during the most stressful work project of the year. You can cast the first stone, but God forbid anyone else calls your bluff.

 

What a roller coaster...

[Spiik]

You decided to break NC. You decided to call me during the mid-summer party, and even worse, you decided to call me in the morning, knowing that ill have a huge hangover. You decided to use some new number, which you even decided to mark as "Private".

 

Why would you do this? The reasons for you call we´re complete BS, you just wanted to hear my voice. Why would you go through telling me about your feelings, and your aching heart? Why did you have to make my life miserable again?

 

You are fcking PREGNANT for your GIGS guy, you FCKED up your life, and mine in the process. Go life your own life, don´t ruin mine anymore. I just cant even produce any words for my anger right now, i was on my way of healing completely, and you ruined everything.

 

But don´t you worry, ill bounce back, harder and more experienced than i´ve ever been.

[TunaCat]

C,

 

It has been a little over 3 months since things ended between us, and as heartbroken as I was at the beginning of this journey, I now realize that I would have been settling for you, going for what was easy & comfortable. You knew me better than anyone outside of my family did.

 

I'm happy that you and J are still together. She's a good person. So are you. All I want for you is for you to be happy & healthy. You deserve happiness.

 

-A

[ird]

Jordan...

 

I made the mistake of letting you come pick me up and screw me and pretend we were still in a relationship. I stupidly agreed to be "friends with benefits" and it was probably the worst decision I've made as of yet. I was waiting in my car smoking as usual, I saw your volvo and my heart started beating faster. You parked, I got out and hopped right in your car. I was so happy and relieved, and somewhat scared, to see you. You hadn't shaved ever since I mentioned the dream to you. I find it funny that your beard is auburn, while your hair is dark gray. Gray is your favorite color, remember? I do. We had a little conversation in the car before you did something that took my breath away and made me want to cry. You caressed my thigh, and held my hand. I thought... fwb don't do this... I mentioned it to you and you brushed it off.

 

God I love how my tiny little hand fits into your huge fist.

 

We got back to your place and talked a bit, I can see you in my mind clearly standing there in the kitchen. Tall, unshaven, light brown pants, the light blue boxers. I can't remember the shirt you were wearing. Gray most likely. I leaned on your kitchen nook like I always do. You came up to me and embraced me. You said you missed me, I told you the truth and I said I missed you too... a lot. You mentioned your new bed and in my excitement that you're finally getting real furniture, I rushed to your room and collapsed onto your new comfy bed. "You got a bed! A real bed!"....

 

We screwed for a few hours. Not even screw, it's like you made love to me. It was fun, it felt good. The stuff we did on your bathroom counter.. in front of your mirror. I can vividly remember it. God you're handsome. Shaven face or not. Then... you fell asleep. And we cuddled there for two or more hours. I kept thinking... fwb don't do this. We shouldn't be doing this. You woke up and we had sex again. Then you started getting dressed and mentioned I should be getting home soon....

 

I felt crushed. You did all these sweet things. I thought we could reconcile. I mentioned this and you said you were extremely uncomfortable having that conversation. I apologized. We fought the entire way home. You said I never do anything for you. You don't let me. You kept complaining about having no gas, but you wouldn't let me buy you any. You wouldn't let me buy you dinner. We were both hungry.

 

We got back to my car, we talked, I started telling you about how I feel when you ignore me. I started crying. You started crying.... Some things were said.. we hugged in your car. You promised me you wouldn't leave me and that everything would be alright.

 

I got home soon enough, I tried texting you but you didn't reply. I don't know when it was, that night, the day after maybe... I bombed you again with texts. No replies. Eventually I tried calling you once again and you answered. You called me crazy, and some other things. You said I treated you like crap. You hung up on me. I called you back. "What. Do. You. Want?" I said I wanted to be friends, that i'm in a dark place where I need them. I've had suicidal thoughts recently. I don't think you cared.

 

We had a normal conversation later after you said you'd stay friends with me over text. You acted like you wanted nothing to do with me, 1 word replies. You stopped replying. i didn't freak out. The next day I messaged you asking how you were. No reply, I didn't freak out. Now today you text me and I have a mini-breakdown. I asked God why the hell did you message me. I was finally on the road to getting over you. I freaked out. I didn't reply for a while. But I did. I acted very nonchalant. You first texted if i was off today. I'm off today and tomorrow. The two days before you have to go to work. Life is cruel. You said you wanted to hang out, and that you're super broke right now. You mentioned you wish you had money to buy some fast food.

 

I wanted nothing more than to go buy you lunch. I want to take care of you. But alas I said if you really wanted to spend time with me, that i want you to call me and tell me how you feel. That if you didn't want to just have sex, to call me sometime. I said I wanted to be friends.

 

Four hours later I've yet to get a call from you. I don't think I ever will.

 

I realize you're just a user. You were going to use me for sex and money. Great. You were going to use me for attention.

 

Go be someone else's psycho or come reconcile with me and be less of an abusive psycho with me and don't ignore me because at this point I'm still stupid enough to take you back into my life. You were stupid enough to want to stick your rod in crazy more than once. So at least we're both stupid.

 

I can still remember hearing you orgasm when we hooked up. Right before you threw on your clothes and wanted to take me home. You were loud.

 

I hate you, Jordan.

[OldSoul86]

Damn it B, why won't you leave me alone?

 

"I am as far from well as a person can be and still be breathing, I doubt I will ever be well again, but thanks for finally sending the pass."

 

I tried to be civil with you. All I did was let you know that your stupid parking pass was now in the mail and to apologize for the delay. I even wished you well, PRAYING that this was the last contact we'd have. I get this gem in my inbox on my way home from a job interview.

 

Do you have no self-respect whatsoever? Do you have any respect for me? I asked you numerous times to let me heal and to stick to NO CONTACT. I am now resorting to ignoring and deleting your emails as they come in (I have set a filter to send them directly to my trash bin.) Now it is time to enforce my boundaries, or I will NEVER get over you. You make me feel like a pile of crap - people breakup all the time, it unfortunately is a part of life. I HURT TOO, DAMN IT. I HAVE FEELINGS.

 

How do you think reading that makes me feel? I already feel like a huge piece of crap for breaking up with you - even though it is DEFINITELY for the best, you've shown me with your actions post breakup. You want to make me feel like crap? Fine. This is just you staying perpetually angry at the world (surprise surprise.) These are your issues to fix, not mine! I did everything I could for you as a boyfriend. I was honest, I never abused you, I never cheated on you, I told you how much I loved you, I told you that I wanted to be with you forever, I rocked your world in the bedroom, I showered you with gifts when I could, I was ALWAYS there for you, and I stuck it out to the bitter end - even during the breakup I was fair to you, I was gentle with my words, I was honest with you, and I never led you on - leaving you wondering if we had a chance to reconcile. Girls would kill for a guy like me - EVERYONE tells me that I am an amazing catch. You had your chance, and you blew it. Your negative ways, your disdain for life, and your lack of effort in the relationship was only the tip of the iceberg. There's still the issue of me wanting kids, and you not wanting them. You went to incredible lengths to leave me and any other man in your future no option to do so.

 

Me? I need to get help. I need to find some relief for this insurmountable guilt I feel. I want to be an amazing partner for someone who appreciates me for me, my effort that I put into the relationship, and my loving family. You are doing a number on me B. I need to protect myself. I need to ignore your emails, even though it kills me to do so. You don't think I want you to get better? I do want you to get better. The problem is that I am the one person in the whole entire world who CAN'T help you get better. I hope you realize this and let me be in peace.

 

I beg you to go seek help B,

 

M

Edited June 24, 2015 by OldSoul86
Removed some swearing and vented more

[NomiMalone]

I don't get it. How can you do this? I always treated you with utmost respect and kindness. At least I can say that and stand by it.

 

F*** you.

[ird]

Jordan..

 

I really really really want to text you right now. Maybe call you. I don't know why. I want something that's impossible to happen, happen. I want us to have a normal relationship. I don't know why I feel like this about you but it's horribly annoying. I feel like I'll never meet anyone like you again. I feel like I'll never have the spark or connection I had with you. Some stupid part in my brain makes me think that you feel similar feelings but you're afraid to show them. I'm scared. Every morning before my brain really wakes up to reality, I imagine cuddling you or you in bed with me smiling at me. Then I wake up and your gone. It's like this every morning. I'm wondering if you'll contact me. In an hour, it'll be a full day that we haven't spoken. Perhaps that's supposed to be the beginning of the true end.

 

I'm trying to talk to other men. I made some OLD accounts to try and meet people and get over you. It seems to be making it worse sometimes. No one is ever as sexy and handsome as you. No one seems to be as intelligent as you. No one has the cute quirky qualities I found in you. You're so unique and specific, it seems as if you were tailored personally for me.

 

But I realize you only want me for sex and attention to fill your ever growing needs. You're probably getting other women to fulfill those needs for you instead of me.

 

Maybe I'll contact you later this evening. Maybe I won't. Maybe you'll contact me. We'd both be stupid to do so.

[ASV]

It's been a year. Remember when you texted asking me out? Today it marks a year since then. I wasn't able to get out and spent a good time at dawn texting you back, and discovered you also abhored onion. You were just starting to become from that gorgeous lady I was making out some weeks before to my greatest match. Soon I started to believe in the holy rapture each time I saw your face.

 

Yesterday I had no plans and tried by all means to find one in order to avoid feeling so lonely. Managed to get out with three ladies. And still I felt incredibly alone.

 

This one goes out to you, in hopes that someday you miss me the same way I'm missing you so. I love you, darling.

 

[yellowhibiscus]

Dear J,

 

When I first met you, I thanked the heavens because I thought that I had finally found the man that I had been looking for all my life. You were everything that I ever wanted. Your intelligence, your looks, your sense of humor, your style, and your kindness all won me over. I was head over heels. But after awhile, I became tired of not ever being appreciated. You became more distant and were emotionally absent during one of the hardest times in my life. I spent the past winter doing all of the shoveling (while you were sleeping in turning off your alarm multiple times...), all of the cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc...all so you could come home from work and be completely disengaged from your "family"- staying for hours on the computer, texting god knows who, and playing with your guitar. Every.single. god.damn.day.I so hoped that one day you would have a relationship with my son but it could never happen for you. Every door was open for you to have a relationship but you just couldn't. Just wish you would have been honest about it sooner.

 

 

And then finding out what you were writing to other women and won't even apologize for it...I should have left a long time ago and had some god damn self respect but I loved you. And still do. But you know what, I will be better off. You never supported my dreams in life. When I told you I wanted to go back to school, you told me it was a bad idea because it was too expensive. When I told you the bad news about my health, you just stood there and said "okay".....I deserve more than that. My son deserves more than that. One day I hope to find a man who will see me as the strong, beautiful, and caring woman that I am and will do things to show appreciation. Until then, I am going to pick myself off from the ground, dust myself off, and move on....

 

Good bye.

Edited June 25, 2015 by yellowhibiscus

[OldSoul86]

B,

 

I just want you to know that it is KILLING me to have to ignore your last email to me. I know you are hurting tremendously, please know that I am too. I am not the type of person who deliberately would ignore any contact from someone I care a lot about. In this case though, I need to ignore your contact. Everyone I know, care about, and love says I need to ignore further contact from you, for the sake of my mental well-being.

 

I need to consciously try to not be a glutton for punishment. I already feel horrible about having to breakup with you and putting you in the state you're currently in. Sometimes I wish I was cold and callous to be honest with you. I still care far too much about you and your well-being, much to my own detriment. I am far too compassionate, and once again my compassion has become a detriment to my well-being.

 

So here is my response to your email (I know that sending it to you won't help - as I have done everything I could to let you down as gently as I know how - so I may as well write it out here.)

 

B,

 

I am so sorry that you are not well. As I have told you before, sometimes love is not enough sadly. You and I loved each other deeply and fully, right up to the end of the relationship. The relationship was not perfect, but we did the best we could with the tools that we have. Ultimately, I want to have a family - and you do not, this is a deal breaker unfortunately. I cannot continue a relationship with you because this relationship will be unfulfilling to me in the grand scheme of things. As much as it pains me to admit my feelings, I think we both deserve honesty and the chance to find someone better for ourselves.

 

Just know that beyond all of the demons you're fighting right now, that you are a good person and you are definitely worthy of a fulfilling relationship and love. I want you to move on and have the best life that you can. I am painfully sorry that I cannot be the man that gives you the life that you want/deserve - I wanted nothing more than to be your one and only man.

 

What we had was as real as it gets and I hope and pray every single night that we both mend and find the strength and courage to move on with our lives. I just want you to know that even though I was the "dumper" in the relationship - I still feel horrible and have pretty much been grieving the way someone who has been dumped does. I still cry, I still hurt, and I feel immense guilt.

 

Just because I've ignored your email, doesn't mean that I've forgotten about you. That is further from the truth than you'll ever understand. I hope that you never have to let go of someone you love - it is an awful feeling, just know that ultimately it is for the best for both of us. Please know that you will ALWAYS have a special place in my heart. You are a good person and I hope that you can find it in yourself to slay those demons that you struggle with and can be the good person that I know you can be.

 

<3

M

Edited June 25, 2015 by OldSoul86
Missed a word

[ssandeepsingh02]

Well i want to call her I'm on my 3rd day of NC.. I just want to tell her how much i love her..n miss talking to her..being with her.. Kiss her lips..touch her.. Hold her..n never let go..how much i want to look into her eyes n hear..she loves me too..

[Calidude6]

Nights like these, a Friday night. Friday nights was our nights for the last 2 years and now it's gone and I'm in pain. How could you unexpectedly just leave me and not give me a second chance at all? I just don't get it, we created one hell of a bond together and I didn't do you wrong at all. Now I'm stuck here missing you like crazy for what?? This **** sucks, you used to love and care for me like no other and now I'm nothing to you while you're still everything to me. That just sucks!! Why do I get the bad end of the stick? Sucks that my best friend who I wanted to marry did to this me and I'm trying my damn well best to move on and have these feelings fade away. I think about you way too much and I don't want to, it's unfair while you're probably more happy without me and that hurts.

 

Thanks!! But I still love you :/

[Thistooshallpass21]

Nights like these, a Friday night. Friday nights was our nights for the last 2 years and now it's gone and I'm in pain. How could you unexpectedly just leave me and not give me a second chance at all? I just don't get it, we created one hell of a bond together and I didn't do you wrong at all. Now I'm stuck here missing you like crazy for what?? This **** sucks, you used to love and care for me like no other and now I'm nothing to you while you're still everything to me. That just sucks!! Why do I get the bad end of the stick? Sucks that my best friend who I wanted to marry did to this me and I'm trying my damn well best to move on and have these feelings fade away. I think about you way too much and I don't want to, it's unfair while you're probably more happy without me and that hurts.

 

Thanks!! But I still love you :/

I'm sorry brother I feel exactly the way you do. You create an amazing bond with an amazing girl and what do you get in return...time while they get freedom.