Post here instead of contacting your ex!

[drade]

S,

 

It's been a month since I cut the cord. A month, a measly 30 days. I'm sorry I turned down your friendship, but oh boy did you punish me like a dog for what I did to you.

 

I still think about you and want you, however it doesn't feel so strong anymore, the thoughts still consume me throughout most of the day, but that feeling, that feeling is disappearing because I realize the best thing for the both of us is just to let go and move on.

 

I'm sure I'll talk to sooner than later. I am kind of looking forward to it. I've changed SO MUCH... You wouldn't even recognize me based on the way I speak and act now, I've found my sense of self, thanks to the hurt I caused you.

 

I post here a few times a week about you, maybe it will become less and less as the time goes on?

 

I'm going to a concert with one of our best friends Friday. I bought her a ticket, yes I just said that, I bought her a ticket. Why? Because I love our friend, she's always been so good to me, and doesn't pick sides and is true and down to earth. I remember how stingy I was when I dated you, and I had all the money in the world. Oh how time creates opportunity for true self reflection and change. Here I am S, I'm changing right in front of you and you don't even know it. You know how people say that one adapts and usually doesn't change after a breakup? Not this man. I changed for ME, I am less self absorbed, self centered, and way more aware of people's feelings. I rarely judge, I'm always putting on a smile for other people, and I don't put myself first.

 

 

Not that you'd really care about any of this S, but I sure do. Miss you

[Michelle3494]

still struggling despite the fact that I left you

[Arda199]

Hey, N ?

 

Remember when i was always by your side when everyone quit on you ? when you used to cry on my shoulder and telling me that you feel ugly and awful about yourself ? and I always made you feel like the prettiest girl i ever seen ? remember when I've rejected every girl just to be with you ? and how did pay me back ? by flirting with other guys when i was busy in collage? or by not being there when i got all sad and depressed when my grandmother passed away ?

One thing though, you used to tell me that I(me) deserve better than you, well i guess you were right this time i wish i wasn't so blind by that time.

I should've dumped you or cheated on you when i got the chance.

I hope one day you wake up and realized what you did and by that time i'll be gone away not giving two ****s about you

[Chronotrgr]

It's 5am and you bother me after you being out all night drinking just to give me flack for women I was involved with way back in 2009 and before then!, that's a red flag!, won't be talking to you again any time in the future, your completely and outrageously bonkers! Good riddance.

[finalendeavor]

I'm continually bouncing around between 480 different emotions and thought processes, but I keep arriving back at the final conclusion; I miss you and was willing to work on things because I thought you were worth it, and the feeling was not mutual. I'm still having such a hard time accepting this, even though it has been over a month.

 

I should be feeling better as time goes on, but I've put myself in a bind, because I still think of every passing week as another week you've not tried to reach out to me post breakup. I don't know why I've got this vast inability to reevaluate my expectations; I think it's my ego. I think too highly of myself.

 

I feel more and more used. I was so initially sure that this was not the case, that we both really did feel the emotions of a legitimate relationship, but I'm starting to question that.

 

Realistically and logically, you probably do miss me and care, but you're trying to move on like I am. I think that's the part I don't want to accept. You're letting the emotions go away.

Edited August 2, 2015 by finalendeavor

[Speirling]

I've been doing so well, but I'm lonely tonight. I want to tell you that I don't miss you, and in many ways I don't; you took so much from me and even in this pain I understand that I'm better off without someone who would do what you did. But I miss being held. I miss feeling like I had a home. I miss feeling like I had something worth trying for. Someday, I'll be able to feel ok on my own. I won't for a while. But it's not you I miss. It's the way I felt when I thought things were ok. It's a port in the storm. I'll learn to weather it on my own.

 

30 days NC. Do you ever think of me?

 

I still care. I understand why I shouldn't.

 

Sxxx

[BriNyc82]

I've been doing so well, but I'm lonely tonight. I want to tell you that I don't miss you, and in many ways I don't; you took so much from me and even in this pain I understand that I'm better off without someone who would do what you did. But I miss being held. I miss feeling like I had a home. I miss feeling like I had something worth trying for. Someday, I'll be able to feel ok on my own. I won't for a while. But it's not you I miss. It's the way I felt when I thought things were ok. It's a port in the storm. I'll learn to weather it on my own.

 

30 days NC. Do you ever think of me?

 

I still care. I understand why I shouldn't.

 

 

Sxxx

roger that

[Chronotrgr]

It's okay for you to critize me but the moment I mention any of the ways you've been towards me, you blow up and dismiss it all completely, get some common sense in you.

[Dudearino]

C,

 

I had a dream last night that we saw each other, and you ran up to me, hugged me, and just listened to my heartbeat for what seemed like eternity. Then you apologized from running away even though I was finally changed & making it right. You admitted you saw the change & effort, but you were so lost in a fairytale with your 9 hour LD lover at the time. I forgave you (I forgive you in real lfe. You know I dont hold grudges. Grudges just show weakness.)...Then I awoke from this amazing dream.

 

Don't know what happens next in this dream. Everyday that goes by a piece of you goes with it. A piece of hope too. There isnt much hope. Probably shouldn't have any as it is, but you NEVER gave up until now. I know I put you through hell over such a stupid thing. You now know that the stupid thing will NEVER succeed you as it once did. However, you are not on my pedestal right now. I am on it.

 

I do pity you. The last time I looked at pinterest you said he's your soulmate, you love him, and he is worth every mile. On one side of it I know you're "happy". On the other I know you still think about us. 5 years and we had a spiritual connection that people that have been together for 20 years don't have. You and I both know this. You didnt know what to do, but you still chose the new guy. I understand why you did, because I did the same thing. You have to experience it too. Thats why I have pity because the road you're on is a very difficult one even if you stay with him for life all the things you ignored will follow you. Like I told you when you finally came clean. You cannot run from the past. It'll cut you down.

 

I know for a fact that you didn't process your emotions when you STILL went out and spent time together. Still kissed & flirted even though I was an emotional wreck. You know I think like a woman sometimes, and I guess I just knew. You'll never find a guy that wear his heart on his sleeve as much as I did for you. I even stood up to your dad when you couldn't. Even though, you never seen it I always stood up for you in front of friends talking about your weight gain or your shyness. Why? Because I love you. You know its bad when your current boyfriend had to tell YOU to tell me to leave him & you alone. Talk about having no balls... anyways, we have a different connection, and we always have. Its a spiritual & mental connection. Not a phony materialistic one.

 

We've been through a lot. Mostly my inability to seperate my love for sign language from our relationship. You know I was obsessed. It was truly my addiction. That addiction has been kicked as you know. I'll never relapse into it like I was or even remotely close. Regardless, if you truly move on or genuinely come back sometime down the road. I want to thank you for being by my side. Letting me go when I needed to be let go, but I KNEW you still had my best interests at heart. That feeling I feel for you too.

 

I never want to see you hurt or suffering over something so damn stupid again. Most importanly you helped me finally see my problem, and it has been fixed for over 9 months now. That being see I'll never be able to hurt you again (like I pinky promised you), or someone else if thats what life has in store... it hurts to say that, BUT you need to know that one day I might not be here. I might not be able to make you laugh, be comfortable, and safe again. You might scoff at that... Be safe in your journey dear. Maybe God, the Goddess, the universe, and spirits will see reasons for us to cross pathes again.

[finalendeavor]

C,

 

I deleted you from FB recently. This doesn't seem like a big deal, but it feels like a big deal, as you live far from me. I know it might have seemed immature, but you've made it so blatantly obvious that you no longer want any contact with me. Seeing your face on my Facebook page has just become so painful, such a reminder of the fact that you kicked me out of your life without a care in the world. I did nothing to you, I was always 100% there as both a friend and a lover, and somehow that still was not good enough for you. I wonder if you miss me like I miss you.

 

 

I act angry, I say you're going to regret it, like I'm this irreplaceable catch. The reality is this, though: You do not want me in your life, and I want you in mine. I miss you more than anything. You were my best friend. I just want you back.

[Dudearino]

C,

 

Hope you're doing well today... its so hard not calling you to go grab a beer. But I know I cannot call you. You wouldn't care. You did care about both him and I at the same time because you still went out with me. Just wonder what he's got that I ain't got besides you. Still shocked he lives 9 hours away. Is every mile worth it? When you have to make that drive that drive that we took every weekend back to SC? I know you have to still think about us everytime you drive down that road by yourself. Still feel you around. Like you want to reach out but you cant. Some call me crazy, but Im in touch with myself and I know you have good days and bad days. Like today you are torn. Can just feel it. I miss you greatly. Be open to yourself. You're closing a side of yourself. Just be safe. Never be afraid to reach out for help even though you never will reach out. You never have, but if you do know that I still care. I might not ever be with you again. I cannot be your friend while you are with him. Just know that I still feel your pains. Get your head on straight. This isnt you...you said you finally are breaking free and thats fine, but the personality youve been showing is not you. God, I miss you

[Jingle14]

Firstly, I simply can't believe I'm back on here again! But I have to get this out otherwise I will contact him and I can't, I just can't. So here goes, this is what I want to say to him:

 

After our lunch, you disappeared again. You didn't even ask how my new job was going or wish me luck with it. It was then I started to see you as my friends do and I genuinely thought I'd turned a corner in getting you out of my system once and for all, after 4 long, long and heartbreaking years. For the first time since 14th September 2010 when you came to London and told me how you'd been spellbound by me since first setting eyes on me almost 3 years before, I thought that I could see a future for myself with someone other than you, that the things I never thought I could have with anybody else but you could actually happen with another man.

 

I then joined a dating site and was really open to meeting a new person. I chatted to lots of different people, not just clones of you - tall, slim, dark and, to me anyway, handsome - but all shapes, sizes, different hair colour. I really opened myself up to meeting someone.

 

You then texted me when I was in my hometown, to say you were also there (you didn't know I was, of course) and asked me where that place was I took you to in the northern quarter, as you were there with family and wanted to take them (of course, you didn't ask how I was, or how the job was going). Only out of respect for your mum, who had just lost her husband of over 54 years, did I reply (adding I was there too). When you texted back to thank me, and then asked 'where are you' I ignored you - you'd have only been asking to make sure you didn't bump into me, or to make me think you'd ask me to join you (I know you wouldn't have, and my hometown was our special place, the place we had our first date, and our second first date after getting back together when we split the first time). The friend I was there with was convinced I'd text you back at some point but I didn't, and haven't - I didn't even text you on your daughter's birthday last week, for the first time since we split, did you notice, I bet you didn't.

 

And on Saturday, I met up with a lovely fella from the dating site. - cute, good looking, genuine, an altogether nice person who shares my humour, something which is very important to me. He messaged me on Monday to ask how I thought 'we'd done on Saturday'. He thinks I'm 'smart, funny, beautiful' and really wants to start a relationship with me. But I'm not interested.

 

And that brings me back here, a place I didn't think I'd be. Because if he - and actually lots of other people - see that in me, see my kindness, my thoughtfulness, think I'm 'beautiful', are genuinely baffled and ask 'what on Earth is wrong with him?!' when they find out you dumped me and don't want me back - then why can't you?

 

And now I'm down again, asking myself why I'm so stupid when I'm too good for you anyway - if I tell myself that enough (and God knows everyone else says it) then maybe I'll believe it.

 

We should be preparing to celebrate 5 years together next month, in the home we excitedly said we'd have. Instead, I'm still trying to put my heart together, to summon up the energy every single day of putting on the smile and being that 'witty and funny' tough person that so many people think I am. How can I replace you - as you did me - when I've never felt such an intense attraction to anyone else (and neither had you, even you said what we had was spiritual and you didn't believe in that!). Have you settled? Because I can't, and won't. I had a dream about you last week, you smiled and held out your hand for mine and that electricity between us was very vivid as our hands clasped together, it was so real.

 

Will this ever end?

Edited August 4, 2015 by Jingle14

[StrangerThanFiction]

Ex,

 

Well, truck's going back to the shop again. Hopefully they'll fix whatever's wrong with it this time and it won't cost me hundreds of dollars. The only reason I want to talk to you right now is because you know a fair amount about vehicles and how to do certain repairs for just the cost of the part. I had a really strong urge to text you and ask your opinion but instead I decided to post here and not ruin damn near 3 months of NC. What I'm taking away from this is that I need to learn more about auto mechanics instead of how I always relied on you for your knowledge of it.

[guest569]

I truly believe we had something special.

[BriNyc82]

Today is the first day I woke up and didn't have a pit in my stomach thinking about you. I don't even know what day NC I am on. I have seemed to lose track. I talked on the phone with a new guy last night and it was so refreshing to talk openly and honestly without awkardness about things we are looking for in life and a R/S. I know this is sad, but I think I talked more about this stuff with this stranger in 40 minutes than we did all of the months we were seeing each other. It's really nice to know that there ARE guys who can express themselves and not everyone shuts down like you. Not every guy is scared of feelings like it's the end of the world to express something. This really gives me hope. Regardless of what happens with this guy, either way, he gives me hope.

[Sunshine09]

S

 

I don't breakdown every time I think of you and her anymore.

I don't cry myself to sleep and I'm able to laugh and smile again, once in awhile.

 

You haven't broken me. I know that means nothing to you because you "don't care anymore" but I will prevail through this and look back and instead of wondering WHY you could just up and leave, I'll be wondering why it took so long for me to realize how much more I am worth.

 

You may hold her now, kiss her, and promise her the world, like you used to do to me. You may have decided to bury your feelings with a combination of her, alcohol and drugs. But one day you are going to look back and realize how much I loved you and everything I sacrificed. Or hey, may you never will. But I guarantee that you are going to think about me, the connection we had doesn't just fade away so quickly. When you finally have to come to terms with your feelings and face them. I won't be here anymore.

 

You will have become a distant memory to me. A hard learned lesson.

 

Soon enough I will no longer feel anything when I hear your name or see your face. You will become nothing but a stranger again.

[Throldur]

I miss you

I love you

There's no second I've lived

that you cannot call your own.

 

I took my morning walk. I took my evening walk. I ate something. I thought about something. I wrote. I napped. I dreamt something too and with all that something, I still have nothing because so much of something has always been and always will be you.

 

I miss you.

[TunaCat]

C,

 

How can you give her an goddamn promise ring? Promise rings are for high schoolers. You both are late twenties! Twenties!!!!

 

Why are you being so juvenile?

 

Only six months ago you were shopping for engagement rings with me.

 

How do you think this makes me feel? If you guessed, crappy, unloveable, unworthy, sad, confused, then you'd be right.

 

I'd guess that you're trying to force something that's not really there. That you're trying to rush the relationship so you won't feel crappy for dumping me with no goddamn warning.

 

I hate that you're still able to make me both sad and mad. After nearly 5 months I should be feeling better and last week, I WAS. I was feeling on top of the world.

 

Now, my self esteem has plummeted and I hate that you did that to me.

 

Go to hell ass-face.

 

A

[Ro30]

Firstly, I simply can't believe I'm back on here again! But I have to get this out otherwise I will contact him and I can't, I just can't. So here goes, this is what I want to say to him:

 

After our lunch, you disappeared again. You didn't even ask how my new job was going or wish me luck with it. It was then I started to see you as my friends do and I genuinely thought I'd turned a corner in getting you out of my system once and for all, after 4 long, long and heartbreaking years. For the first time since 14th September 2010 when you came to London and told me how you'd been spellbound by me since first setting eyes on me almost 3 years before, I thought that I could see a future for myself with someone other than you, that the things I never thought I could have with anybody else but you could actually happen with another man.

 

I then joined a dating site and was really open to meeting a new person. I chatted to lots of different people, not just clones of you - tall, slim, dark and, to me anyway, handsome - but all shapes, sizes, different hair colour. I really opened myself up to meeting someone.

 

You then texted me when I was in my hometown, to say you were also there (you didn't know I was, of course) and asked me where that place was I took you to in the northern quarter, as you were there with family and wanted to take them (of course, you didn't ask how I was, or how the job was going). Only out of respect for your mum, who had just lost her husband of over 54 years, did I reply (adding I was there too). When you texted back to thank me, and then asked 'where are you' I ignored you - you'd have only been asking to make sure you didn't bump into me, or to make me think you'd ask me to join you (I know you wouldn't have, and my hometown was our special place, the place we had our first date, and our second first date after getting back together when we split the first time). The friend I was there with was convinced I'd text you back at some point but I didn't, and haven't - I didn't even text you on your daughter's birthday last week, for the first time since we split, did you notice, I bet you didn't.

 

And on Saturday, I met up with a lovely fella from the dating site. - cute, good looking, genuine, an altogether nice person who shares my humour, something which is very important to me. He messaged me on Monday to ask how I thought 'we'd done on Saturday'. He thinks I'm 'smart, funny, beautiful' and really wants to start a relationship with me. But I'm not interested.

 

And that brings me back here, a place I didn't think I'd be. Because if he - and actually lots of other people - see that in me, see my kindness, my thoughtfulness, think I'm 'beautiful', are genuinely baffled and ask 'what on Earth is wrong with him?!' when they find out you dumped me and don't want me back - then why can't you?

 

And now I'm down again, asking myself why I'm so stupid when I'm too good for you anyway - if I tell myself that enough (and God knows everyone else says it) then maybe I'll believe it.

 

We should be preparing to celebrate 5 years together next month, in the home we excitedly said we'd have. Instead, I'm still trying to put my heart together, to summon up the energy every single day of putting on the smile and being that 'witty and funny' tough person that so many people think I am. How can I replace you - as you did me - when I've never felt such an intense attraction to anyone else (and neither had you, even you said what we had was spiritual and you didn't believe in that!). Have you settled? Because I can't, and won't. I had a dream about you last week, you smiled and held out your hand for mine and that electricity between us was very vivid as our hands clasped together, it was so real.

 

Will this ever end?

 

I first read your post back in 2012 and the fact it has been 4 years and to see how this progresses for you is a type of inspiration for me, that life goes on. Please stay updated on how you are doing, i genuinly care and am inspired by you

[Calidude6]

I miss you! I wanna tell her I miss her!!!! Someone tell me I should or shouldn't....

[Xiomn]

 

I guess I wasn't important enough. You showed your true colors, actions speak louder than words and even if some time in the future we were to reconcile.. deep down I would want to but at the same time I'm not sure whether I'd able to fully put my trust in you again given what you said to me and doing actions that went completely against what you had told me just days before.

 

You've also shown me how immature you are, breaking up with me over Facebook which is effectively the equivalent of breaking up with me over text. Not only that but not once did you express your thoughts, feelings or worries to me before you broke up with me, If we were to reconcile how would I be able to trust knowing that everything is okay in the relationship if you can't even pluck the courage to tell me how you're feeling or even break up with me face to face.

 

It was an easily workable solution, which is what annoys me the most, yet you refused to even try and talk to me or even attempt at least once to try and make it work between us which just shows how immature you are or at the very least lied to me and used it as an excuse to put me down lightly because you couldn't build the courage to tell me the truth.

 

It is true, and I admit I tried to persuade you constantly, pushed you away which no doubt made you lose respect for me, and In a way I probably lost respect for myself. But, in a way I'm happy that I tried to fight for you because I love you than just letting you walk away like you meant nothing to me. Again, maybe you lost respect for me because of my actions after you broke up with me, but the way in which you broke up with me and your complete unwillingness to try and make things work in turn made me lose respect for you.

Edited August 9, 2015 by Xiomn

[finalendeavor]

I still wake up with that heaviness in my chest every morning; this weird fluctuation between heaviness and emptiness. I still don't understand how you acted the way you did, still feeling disposable. I'm cursing myself for having such a good memory; I remember every single detail of my visit, I can't get it out of my mind. Memories are the worst kinds of triggers. I don't know how we went from that to this, the lack of rationale behind it makes me feel even worse, because I can't even begin to understand where you were coming from by ending things so suddenly.

Edited August 9, 2015 by finalendeavor

[ilovemyboohead]

Screw you for not seeing a future with me after 1.5 years! We gave it a shot and you couldn't commit, instead you strung me along for 1.5 years and requested for us to stay together another 6 months for you to re-evaluate our relationship to see if I am wifey material....

 

I broke up with you because I can't waste anymore of my time on someone who can't commit to a future with me. I hope you miss me and come to your senses before I move on.

[isolatedgothic]

I longed to have you back for 25 years. I lost you 25 years ago when my mother became terminally ill, and you never called, you never pursued me, and you never said anything when her death was announced in the paper. However, I still held out hope that some day, some how, we would be together again.

 

25 years later, you finally divorced and you were mine. However, you'd never let me spend the night, you swore you loved me, but you just wanted to date and you expected routine sex in the hopes that "some day" we'd be together. In the meantime, you blamed me for our separation 25 years ago, you blamed me for not telling you that my mother had died, you blamed me for starving myself down to 70 pounds because I was so distraught over her death [because somehow you are convinced that you would have helped me through all that if I had just let you know] ... then you started picking on my beliefs, making racist and bigoted remarks, you threw me out of your car over gay marriage [and I asked you to please stop the conversation, but instead of throwing the conversation out, you threw me out] then you tried to convince me that losing your mother-in-law who you didn't even like was somehow on the same par as losing my mother 25 years ago...oh, and when that wasn't bad enough, you started using your daughter [figuratively] as a moral hammer to beat down my daughter, and said your daughter was better than mine because you spanked her!

 

I left you in a rage over your horrible comparisons of our daughters, but somehow it's still all my fault, isn't it? You won't talk to me, apologize, or anything. Instead, you reconnected with another exgirlfriend and lied to me as to why you were Facebook friends, and why her phone number was in your phone, and tried to somehow blame me for it yet again. The reason you haven't an ounce of "sorry" in your is because you're so busy hooking up with her that you haven't one thought of me.

 

I wasted 25 years on you. I thought you were so wonderful. Instead, you're just a cruel, bigoted, racist, hurtful, cheating liar. That's right. I just called you a liar. You're a little coward, too. Only a coward treats someone who loves them with such contempt. Thanks so much. God, help me to heal somehow.

[Pharcyde]

L, before we continue down this road, I need to make something clear and I'd like you to be honest with me.

I do enjoy talking to you, always have, always will.

But in a sense I find it dangerous to try to really connect with someone.

Because its special when you find someone you can be yourself with.

You were that and I still felt that connection, when we spoke the other day.

 

Whether or not you felt that too, you said you miss me and I do understand how you are feeling, but are you looking for reconciliation here, just friendship or is there ulterior motive?

 

I was doubtful I'd ever hear from you again, because you decided you wanted out and never wanted to see me again.

 

If I'm going to be just that guy you talk to that's now 5,000 miles away, is there a point?

I might as well just be a stranger that you are talking to online, not someone who loved you unconditionally for 6+ years.

 

I'm not angry or have any more ill will towards you, this is just how I feel.

Respect my feelings for you, as they have not changed.

 

 

I still may send part or all of this to her if she continues this bread crumb contact. ugh