Post here instead of contacting your ex!

[LikeCharlotte]

I did the best I could and I guess you did too. It is not your fault that you have problems. You don't deserve it at all. In the end, though, it seems that we both got ripped off.

 

MWH- I hope she knows these things. I just read that I heard the words that I wanted to hear (with the exception of a few) for a very very longtime. Thank you soooo much for being someone who was willing to work with your ex gf. I know you don't know me and I know it doesn't make any sence to you why but you just made me cry - I wish I could explain myself more. Just - thank you.

-Charlotte

[MWH]

MWH- I hope she knows these things. I just read that I heard the words that I wanted to hear (with the exception of a few) for a very very longtime. Thank you soooo much for being someone who was willing to work with your ex gf. I know you don't know me and I know it doesn't make any sence to you why but you just made me cry - I wish I could explain myself more. Just - thank you.

-Charlotte

 

I just don't know what she "knows".

 

It made me cry too.

 

I'm glad it mattered to you.

 

Peace to you,

MWH

[Hersheys]

Talk to me and tell me you want to make it right this time. I was so good to you. I waited with glee and anticipation for your crumbs goddammit.

[skinman]

Well D.

 

its the start of another new year.. only this one I started without you for the first time in nearly 16 years we were not together.. I wondered if you thought of me.. thought of us and what we had all the good memories that we shared... or were you with him ?? these are the things that haunt me . haunt my dreams and my thoughts.. Why couldn't you try why did you have to give up on our family for him....He could never love you as I have .. he will never put his own happiness in front of your and our families... Will he bust his A$$ to give you the life that I gave you ???

 

Sadly he doesnt have to... I have done all the work for him all he has to do is take my place in my home... Does it bother you to sleep with him in "our" bed the one we have slept in for years.... ?? I would guess not I try and not be bitter but there are parts of me that hope you get what you deserve...... then there are parts that love you more than anything and want you to be happy... We were happy, we had everything that we wanted but you had to throw it all away.... Think of our girls and what you have done.... buying them whatever they want wont make what you have done better...it will only add to their hurt....

 

I wish you many lovers if your new life... I wish you many days wondering whether you made the right decision....... Most of all I wish for the day that you ask for forgiveness and I will tell you to kiss my A$$..........

 

ask the Lord for forgiveness..........you will have a better chance than from me..

[saturnfell]

I love you. I can't say it to you, but I needed someone to hear it.

[ATR]

Hey, i hope you had a good new year and christmas. We've havent talked in ages (two weeks)

I wonder what you're getting up to and if you're thinking of me. I want to move on but i can't help but think of you every day. I want you back, or do i? I don't know i'm messed up. I want you to contact me yet i wont reply. I want to hear from you again yet i do not want to speak to you. I want to hold you again yet i do not want to touch you. Second chance? Hmm. You will hurt me again?... i don't want to be hurt again. Give me the cure to erase you from my memory... or show me that i am your everything.

[jc]

Well it's now been over one week since you've been out of my life completely. I wonder if you even notice. I wonder if you even miss me. How could you not after all we shared? Yet, somehow I doubt that you do miss me. Sad.

 

So I'm doing okay today. Yesterday was hard, but last night I felt better and I woke up without you today and without the usual shock that you were not here. I have to take these little steps of progress where I can find them I guess.

 

I haven't cried yet today, but since you're not far from my mind, it's probably only a matter of time.

 

One of the lesson I'm going to try to take from this is to always keep a little bit of myself for me. Not to give it all away and make someone else my world. I need to be my own world. And when I meet the right person, we'll have so much to share because we'll both be complete already.

 

I pray to my angels and to the universe tonight to help me to accept, truly truly accept that things are over between you and I. So that I can really begin to heal and move on.

 

So here are today's mantras:

 

I accept that you are no longer my boyfriend.

I accept that you are no longer a part of my life.

I accept that you are moving on with your own life.

I accept the pain that I am feeling as part of the growth I am going through.

I expose the fear that I am feeling as an illusion.

I flow with the current of love.

[not_a_happy_camper]

Hey, i hope you had a good new year and christmas. We've havent talked in ages (two weeks)

I wonder what you're getting up to and if you're thinking of me. I want to move on but i can't help but think of you every day. I want you back, or do i? I don't know i'm messed up. I want you to contact me yet i wont reply. I want to hear from you again yet i do not want to speak to you. I want to hold you again yet i do not want to touch you. Second chance? Hmm. You will hurt me again?... i don't want to be hurt again. Give me the cure to erase you from my memory... or show me that i am your everything.

 

yesterday, i posted that i had nothing to say to my ex except "your loss"

 

today, i feel the same as you ATR. crap, huh?

 

i just got through two days without crying once..............that's two days out of nearly three months. and i'm so happy that i've got this far! And i wanted someone else to know............why was it that you were the first person i wanted to tell? you're the person that has made me cry so much. ah f*ck it, i'm not going to cry now!

[MWH]

Dear &&&&&&,

 

I hate those creeps that robbed you of my love and robbed me of yours.

 

That is exactly as they wished it to be- they wanted you all to themselves.

 

It is their voices that tell you you're not worthy of love, you're not good enough for love, not pretty enough for love, not able to accept love. They sit you down in the dark and lie to you.

 

I pray that someday you will get some help in learning how not to believe them.

 

I love you although I fear you will never believe that.

 

I pray so hard for you every day.

 

 

You ARE loved,

 

MWH

[emotionalydistraugt]

Dear ____,

Hey how are you? Doing good? Well in that case I hope I can make your day a little worse. You, my dear are a whore. I should have known that from the first moment we locked eyes. Deep down I always knew that you would do this to me, it runs in your family. I just ignored it because I thought you were better than that whore you call a mother. I feel nothing but sympathy for your father after what she did to him and I feel nothing for you but hate for what you've done to me. You have shown your true colors. And I'm glad you released me before I proposed to you.

 

DO I think about you, you ask? My response is unfortunately yes. How can I not. I mean I did love your fakeness. Then again at the time I thought it was a reality but I now see that that was wrong.

O ____ I have so many regrets. I regret I put you in my life. I regret you shared time with my family. My family that took you in like you were one of their own. I'm sorry I showed you my true intentions from the get go only for you to drag me along with hope that it would work out towards marriage. You sure are a bitc* haha. I wish I never gave you a piece of my heart because now that's a little less then I can give to my future girl. Which my the way if I could stop by sometime and get that back that would be great. I look back and reflect on how I took the blame for what you did. Like I drove you away. I pushed you to do this. But I take it back. I am a proud man as you should know and you are a selfish little girl who likes to sleep around with other people. It is your nature.

 

But it's in your blood that you'll do the same thing to this poor kid. I don't even really hate him, it's not his fault your pants are on fire and the only way to put that fire out is for you to take them off for some other guy. He was just an innocent bystandard doing his civic duty. I only wish I was able to change your ways and make you into a respectable woman. But you're not. You're still that little slut of a girl I met in the cafeteria that day back in my junior year. Like the saying goes "You can take the slut out of whoreville, but you can't take the whoreville out of the slut." I should have known. But I saw something in your eyes that day. Something that said she's different from her friends. And you were. They let the world know how they like to sleep around and it doesn't really effect the guy they screw. You on the other hand like to suck the soul from him right before you do it. It's a skill you're good at. I only wish I would have known before I told you I love you.

 

My bad, darling. But hey when you decide to crush this new kid like you did me, try to do it before he finds out you cheated on him. It's better that way when someone is straight forward with you, I should know. But who knows maybe this is fate stepping in and in that case I have no reason to be upset. But if history tells us anything you'll do it again and you'll live your life cheating on one guy after another and finding nothing wrong with it. Your mother did it and you'll do it too, it's in your blood. Enjoy your life, and I'm looking for that phonecall in the future when you call me crying wishing things could have been different and me telling you You're a whore, face facts.

 

Bye Buttercup

[FeedingOnFever]

I am frustrated today. I feel helpless. Why isn't it enough? Finding out that you DID really badmouth me behind my back... finding out that you were flirting with a girl and ran straight to her mere days after you left me. The lies, even you admitting that you are a compulsive liar and you don't know why you do it. The fact that after the breakup you told other people more reasons about why you left me than you will ever tell ME, the person who deserves that information most. The fact that you said you'd be there for me, you cared for me, wanted what was best for me, were scared ****less of losing me as a friend, and you still whored yourself out to the first girl who showed interest. You hid it from me like a coward, desperate to keep me from finding out, because you KNEW it was wrong and you KNEW it would hurt me. How hurting me was never enough to stop you from doing anything that struck your fancy. How we promised to always communicate and you broke your word, because you just didn't care about us enough to try that hard. How you still won't man up and face me head on, even now that you know that EVERYONE KNOWS what you've done. How you're still spreading anything you can about me to anyone who will listen to justify yourself. "Well, she was clingy. She didn't trust me. She had issues. She was too much for me to handle." How I was RIGHT to not trust you, and yet I STILL FEEL BAD FOR NOT TRUSTING YOU.

 

WHY isn't it enough? Why can't I just hate you? Or say "the beginning was great, the end sucked, and that's that?" Or forgive you for hurting me but peacefully know that I deserve WAY better than that? WHY THE HELL do I STILL want you back? What in the world is wrong with me? I am so much smarter and better than this, and my frustration knows no words.

 

I cannot wait to be over you. Time will be my ally, and so will distance. I will make this happen, because I am so, so tired of feeling this way, like I was the one who wasn't enough, I was the the one who was always in the wrong. You cannot have my self respect. I am going to win it back.

[not_a_happy_camper]

I know there’s nothing I can do to make you come back. I’ve no power to convince you in any way. I bear you no ill wishes. I’ve always wanted what’s best for you. What makes you happy. And I’ve always put your wishes above my own. Where at the same time, I should have looked into my own heart, and realised you didn’t feel that way about me. You were happy to continue along with me while I treated you this way. I don’t blame you. But the minute I complained………..you left. That says more about you than it does about me. You were only happy with me when

things were going your way.

 

I know some things I did in the last few months probably contributed to us breaking up. I had no job. When I wanted to get one near you, at first you were ok with that. I visited you more with all the time I had on my hands, to spend time with you. I was actively seeking work, when my father became sick. I decided to use that time I had off to help my parents out. I began to get down in myself. Things weren’t going as I’d planned, but in knew it would take a bit of time, and things would work out. I know I won’t be stuck for work. I know my dad will get better. This was a temporary set back. but I know I let things get to me. Maybe I complained too much.

 

You were the person I went to when things got too much. And that meant so much to me. I gave up a lot of things in the last few months. Some of my hobbies…………dancing, singing. But that was not because of you. Not because I wanted to spend time with you. Spraining my ankle was one reason! And because the part time work I took interfered. I was doing my best to make ends meet, which meant I had to let go of other things.

 

But maybe you thought I was getting too close to you, depending on you too much. I depended on you yes. You were a huge part of my life. The most important part that I could see.

 

And you left me at my lowest ebb. Thank you. That’s not even what hurts the most…………it’s the way you left me. The hurt you caused me first. The hurt you caused me, which actually gave me more reasons to break up with you than the other way round. But that’s the difference between me and you. When things go wrong, I don’t walk away. I stay the course, I fight to make things better. You run the minute things aren’t going your way, and blame it on everyone else. Self sabotage seems to be a trait of yours. You just don’t know what you want. But why hurt others in the process when you know this?

 

Think back to this time a year ago…………..you were in almost the same situation as I am now. You were so down in yourself. I listened to you. I encouraged you to get yourself out of the situation you were in. to take up new things, and keep a smile on your face. You got through it too. Not because I was there, but I know I helped you. And yet you leave me, and tell me I have too much stuff to sort out with myself? I didn’t help you so that you would help me back………..but I thought that I deserved better.

 

And to think that that is only the tip of the iceberg. I haven’t gone into the other things you said or did. You know them yourself. What help would it be to highlight them now? The point is I have forgiven you your mistakes. Because I know I’ve made mine too. And in spite of how much you upset me, I still care for you. I don’t know that I want you back. or that if you ever did come begging, which I don’t think you will, that I would take you back. all I have to do when I think like that is remember how horrible I felt with you the last few weeks……………and remember that you probably wouldn’t change. But still…………. I know how hard the next week or two will be for you. I know because I saw you go through it last year. I held your hand without knowing what was wrong, because you wouldn’t tell me. I found out later. And was glad I could be there to hold your hand, even when you couldn’t tell me why you needed me to. And I’d give anything to be there for you now. But I can’t be. Because you don’t want me. I can’t even extend an olive branch to let you know I’m thinking of your hurt. Because I don’t want you to think I’m manipulating your mind when you are vulnerable. Besides…………maybe there’s a new girl there to hold your hand…………if there is, I don’t want to know.

 

I wish I could tell you all this. But what would be the point? If only so that you’d know I don’t blame you for everything. We probably wouldn’t have worked out anyway. But I hate to think I hurt you. Because I’d hate to think of you going through the same tangled web of emotions that I’m going through now.

[jc]

I went to bed last night fine, not really missing you. But today I feel sad again. I'm not crying (thank god), but I just feel empty inside. I keep wondering how it is possible that you have just moved on with your life without me. How easy it is for you to just cut people out of your life.

 

Well I guess now I have the opportunity to make some true changes in my life. To work on some of the things that contributed to our break up. To reflect on the choice I made when I chose you.

 

Today's mantras:

 

I accept that you are no longer my boyfriend.

I accept that I am moving on with my life.

I accept that you are moving on with your life.

I am grateful that true love made its way into my life and have faith that it will find me again.

I welcome only emotionally mature, available, stable, true, authentic love into my life.

[ATR]

Meh, i watched the film "P.S. I Love You" yesterday, which helped. Also i got a text from some girls inviting me and a friend to lunch. Yes, i think i'll go, i know one of them has liked me for a long time, but i chose to be with you before. Thankyou for setting me free to be with someone who does appreciate my efforts and generally have more interest in me.

You are too late, i spent the last few weeks wishing for you to tell me that you made a mistake, that we are meant to be together... but i have not heard from you. You're too late... my feelings for you today are weak, but that may just be for today, i hope i will continue to feel like this. I will go to the gym in a bit, boost my mood further. Hmm what will you be doing today, what you always do on sunday? Visit your nan?

You just let someone out of your life who would have never "traded" you for any other girl, would have been there for you. I don't know what you wanted, do you even know? Long distance is not a justified reason when 1) Your reason could have been fixed if you had told me before. 2)You really like the person on the other side.

 

 

But **** saying that to you, time to move on.

[Hersheys]

I hate this part. If only I could jump to fast forward and skip this part. I know it's over. It's been over for so long yet you are still throwing me your crumbs. I can't believe I've become one of those who hope and cling to every lame ass crumb that's thrown their way. I now know how they feel.

 

I'm losing you I know. I yearn for your attention. Just give me one moment and tell me you love me and you will not go away.

 

I'm sorry for being the way I am sometimes. Sorry if I was such a chicken for not being vulnerable enough to tell you what's bothering me. Oh well, too late now I guess. I fully acknowledge my part in causing our downfall.

 

When will this pain end? I'm in the same spot I was a year ago and I feel even worse now.

 

How much I love you, you will never know. I want to give us a try but it is clear that you don't want to try anymore.

 

How will I ever get myself out of this mess.

[ATR]

DO YOU NOT CARE ABOUT THOSE TIMES WE NEVER SHARED AT ALL!?

[FeedingOnFever]

You brought her to my house today. TO MY HOUSE. She sat in the passenger seat of your mother's car and grinned and waved at my mother. How f*cking dare you. You were dropping off a drill. YOU COULD HAVE LEFT HER AT THE STREET CORNER AND PICKED HER UP LATER. You are such a coward and she is such a c*nt I am utterly shocked. How could two people be so stupid, selfish, idiotic, irresponsible, careless, heartless and F*CKED UP?! I hate you both so bad right now. I sent you four lines in an email "Never bring her to my house again. If you have something to drop off, do it yourself. Other than that you both stay the hell away from me. Show me half the respect I deserve." There go my 4 days of NC, but it was worth it to maybe get it through your thick *ss skull to STAY OUT OF MY LIFE.

[not_a_happy_camper]

I can’t say you didn’t love me. That’s only for you to ever know. Maybe you thought you did. And maybe the way it happened that we said it first put the spanner in the works. I probably said it when I shouldn’t have. You responded the way you did because you didn’t want to lose me. It was an emotional pressure cooker, waiting to pop.

 

I had to ask you to say it to me, without me having to say it first. Because other things you did made me insecure enough to feel I had to hear you say it. Because like you said, I didn’t believe you when you said it. Even though when we were breaking up, you said you meant it every time. I don’t know what to think about that. I think you were trying to soften the blow. I don’t know whether to thank you or hit you. I didn’t believe you because actions speak louder than words. Your lack of action spoke volumes.

 

I felt I didn’t know you. I felt I didn’t know the person who I fell in love with anymore. You just seemed so occupied with wanting to spend time with your friends. Planning things with them all the time. When you did come home, you planned things with your friends at home and your family. I know how important they are to you. And that’s right that they should be. But you never made special plans with me. The person you supposedly loved. I don’t think I was asking too much. I know you invited me along to most of your other plans. And I always felt a part of your life in that way. But it seemed we spent so much time with other people, that when we spent time alone, we didn’t know how to communicate anymore. And you said I didn’t talk to you enough. You didn’t really give me an opportunity. And I didn’t quite see how much of an effect your actions had. Until it was too late. Even though I had said it to you ages ago, that I wanted to see more effort. I guess I didn’t give you a chance to show it. You seemed to think effort meant coming home more often. But I was with you in D every weekend. You could have made the effort to spend more time alone with me, other than just in bed. I guess I didn’t make that clear enough. I know you can’t read minds. But it annoyed me how much I’d have to spoon feed you to get you to treat me the way I wanted you to. I guess I wanted you to treat me that way without my having to say anything. If I have to ask you to make me a priority, I guess it means we’re not on the same page. We’re probably not even in the same book.

 

But we used to communicate so well. Even though we didn’t always agree on things. We used to talk. We used to give each other time. I feel now, looking back…..things seemed to start slipping when I came back from Crete. I rang you the next night. We spoke for seven minutes, before you hung up saying you were tired. I’d spent all week texting you, telling you how much I wanted you there with me. And when I rang you, you didn’t even ask how my holiday went. I had to point that out to you before you rang me again.

 

At that point, I had no job and was talking about moving to be near you. I visited you lots, and enjoyed cooking for you, playing tag rugby with you and your friends, and going out with them. Things seemed really good. Until that night we said I love you for the first time. Only after a major row over you disrespecting me. Let’s be honest, that’s exactly what you did. I know you will disagree.

 

I don’t know did you get scared or not. Scared of committing to me? I don’t know……..because funnily enough, it was you who suggested travelling together next year. You who suggested me moving to D………….even though I was already spending so much time there with you and your friends were asking me the same questions. It scared me. I didn’t want to be that person running to you all the time. And I wasn’t ready for the commitment of moving in together. Even though we had a wonderful week together in Spain……….probably because it was somewhere new. If we’d lived together, we’d probably have gotten tired of each other’s company…………..who knows, it might have worked out. But that’s beside the point. You knew I was scared. I don’t know that you were, but your behaviour the last few months together smacks of fear of committing. Why couldn’t you have spoken to me? You just pushed me away, until it felt like all we did was eat, sleep and have sex. And you then said I didn’t seem to enjoy it anymore………………..because the connection was gone O. I already felt you didn’t want me there. I still did everything in my power to please you. I guess it wasn’t enough. I spent our last kind of happy weekend together doing everything to open the communication………………..it didn’t work. I felt it was awkward.

 

Notice I haven’t mentioned the christening anywhere here until now. I could have gotten over that given time. That’s not the issue here, but it’s the outcome of all the other symptoms. I forgive you for that as you know. I know it all came down to a misunderstanding. A misunderstanding that showed your true colours. I say I could have gotten over it……….that’s not to say I’d have stayed with you. in fact I now believe we wouldn’t have worked anyway. I think you just beat me to the crunch. Because you knew it would work out better for you, being your decision and not being the one who’s dumped and forlorn. That’s what I am. Still missing you in spite of knowing we wouldn’t work. Part of me wants us to work. Only if you were on board too, but you’re not. And you won’t ever be. I know that now.

 

I just wish we could have talked more. If you didn’t want me in your future, I wish you’d had the guts to let me down earlier. Before I started buying the travel books. Before I started planning. It’s odd. Because I knew when I was buying them………. Why did I feel like I was tempting fate? I felt that by buying them, and talking about it……….. I was scaring you away. I knew even then………..and that’s a long time before things went wrong.

 

We used to be so good. And when I miss us, that’s what I miss. The times up to midsummer really. After that it wasn’t so good.

 

Why didn’t you want me at D’s birthday party? I found the invitation on your bedroom floor…………….with my name clearly printed alongside yours. Don’t accuse me of snooping. You left it beside my things. AFTER you had gone to the party. I don’t know if that was intentional. But knowing that I was invited, and you said you couldn’t come home because you had to go to his party………………..and then O’s christening? When you put those two together, the image becomes clear………….you didn’t want me at these things…….even if you say now that you did…………I don’t know why. When I was at so many other family events………….what was different about these?

 

This is my tupenny bit. I’d love to know yours. Well………………love is a very strong word…………. I want to know your real reasons for breaking up with me. Not my perception of it all. It’s all my speculation. I believe once again, the reasons you gave me were to soften the blow. And by all accounts, perhaps I’m grateful to you for that, even though I shouldn’t be. I deserve the truth as you see it. I don’t want a sh*tass lame excuse to fob me off. I deserve to know. I think you were trying to get me to end it for a long time. Because you didn’t have the nerve. I confronted you about that. you said that wasn’t true. I don’t know. If not, then why did you treat me the way you did? I want an honest answer………….but I don’t believe I’ll get one. I want an honest answer…………but I feel you’ll lie to make yourself feel better…………because you think lying will make me feel better…………..because you think I’m weak without you. but you’re wrong. I’m an adult. You’re an adult. Lets be mature about this. Give it to me straight. It will hurt for a while. But I’d rather know.

[Oscar51]

Dear Ex,

 

I was doing just fine. We broke up 4 months ago and I've heard from you once. I was at the point where I didn't give a damn anymore. Of course, that's when I heard from you. It was some back and forth texting, catching up with one another. It was nice. I think about you every day. I still want to be with you because I love you. But my pride won't let me tell you this. The day you told me I wasn't man enough to break up with you, that you never loved me, that you only stayed with me because you felt sorry for me, my heart shattered into a million pieces. It is still in a million pieces and I'm trying to place it back together.

 

I gave you everything I had. I tried changing my flaws for you, but nothing was ever good enough for you. You never looked at what I gave you, you only looked at what I didn't give you. You only saw me for my flaws. Maybe that's just who you are. But it ultimately led to the demise of our relationship. I constantly tried to be perfect for you because you always brought up my flaws. Why couldn't you just accept me? I may have been a doormat at times, but I loved you with all of my heart. I still do, I hate that I still love you. I think about you everyday. I pray that God will put you back into my arms. I don't know if that will ever happen.

 

I'm trying my hardest to move on and put this behind me. But since you contacted me, each day seems to be getting harder. This is the hardest thing I've ever done. I wanted to take these past months and see if I still had feelings for you at the end of it. My feelings are only stronger. I can be the man you want, and I wish you could see that. Maybe it will take you dating an ******* to realize just how well I treated you.

 

I miss you. But I have to go. My heart is breaking and I don't know if I can make it any longer.

[Tinkerbelll]

Wish u were here..

[bhweller]

you see love as weakness.

[Surfer Dude]

i'm crying now... i still love you more than anything....

 

why did you leave me, i thought what we had was forever ='(

i read your old letters where you say you wanna grow old with me and that i'm everything you need in a man ='(

 

I can't survive, i'm trying real hard every day, but i cant.. i even quit my job because i can't function normally anymore..

 

you were everything to me... why did you break my heart into million pieces? ='(

 

you're probably having a beautiful life, have a good bf, your dream about living abroad came true... and i'm broken and alone, crying my guts out every day...

 

you should've done this to someone else, someone who wouldn't care so much...

because it hurts me so much, maybe someone else would've taken it better..

 

please don't do this to anyone else ever again, it's impossible to live with this pain...

i'm getting worse every day....

 

i need help..

='(

i wanna die...

......

[saturnfell]

I miss you. It's only been one week since we've started seeing one another again, but I wish I could fast forward time. Seeing you is wonderful, please don't get me wrong. I'm just so afraid. You know how I feel, so I won't say it again. I just hope one day I can look into your beautiful eyes and smile knowing you're here to stay. Maybe I'm a fool, but I think that we can recover from this. I live each day, but my best days are when you're around. I'm so sorry for everything. I'm sorry you lost your faith in me. It was all my fault. I know they're only words, but my actions would be the echo. I hope you find it in your heart to let me show you. I hope through time, you reach for my hand and tell me it will be ok. The worst decision I ever made, was not getting on that plane. I hope someone hears me and makes it so we get a second chance. I love you.

[onemorecupofcoffee]

Day 5. I still miss you. I am working again, having fun... everyone is so warm to me. In life. It's so comforting and I'm so grateful. It makes anything bearable, even losing you. Sometimes I think it'll be okay if we never speak again. Other times I think it's only okay because I hope we will talk again one day and reconnect. I just get sad when I think about how we both said time will tell, and how we'd prove everyone wrong. Instead you went and proved everyone right. You seem scared of committing to me because you have doubts, because you're not sure I'm the one. That's fine. I can't change that. I just wish I knew what you were thinking now. If you've changed your mind. If you think about me at all. I just hope one day you know how much I loved you, and how safe I was for you. How you could fall and I would have caught you, even though you weight twice what I weigh I'm a woman who is there for her man through good and bad, which isn't really a great thing because that's just the loyalty I feel to whomever I become close with. I just wish you knew that there was nothing to be afraid of, and that I always approached our issues with love, and never got angry at you for being anything less than who you were. Always they were obstacles getting in the way of our happiness. But you always made it a battle between us, and you couldn't find the strength to fight because you didn't want to fight me, but you never understood that you were supposed to be fighting for us. I hope one day you learn that, and I also hope we both will be happy. Again, I hope most of all we can one day be happy together.

[LiveandLearn]

I feel like sh*t now. I feel like crying now. I just saw pictures of you two from the month of "December", as you titled it. It's my own fault for being nosy. It just breaks my heart. Why do I do this to myself? I have been doing great for the past week! I guess because it was your birthday yesterday and I was curious to know what you did for your birthday, but you haven't uploaded those pictures yet. I wonder where she took you. I wonder what she got you. The gift that I bought you hasn't arrived yet. Now I'm contemplating whether I should give it to you or not when it does. I might just keep it for myself. I think I will. I gave you a very thoughtful xmas gift that taylored to YOU. You made me a candle. A candle that you also made for my sister and my mother. And I'm sure candles you made for the rest of YOUR family. And you also gave me a book. A book that you said that you hope helps bring me "peace" because it helped you. Gee, thanks?

 

Seriously, what kind of sh*tty mother is she to ditch her kids, her family xmas weekend to be with you? her OTHER MAN. And not just that time, all those other times she sneaks away to be with you? Yeah, just wait for the day her bratty little kids become YOUR responsibility. You, yourself are a child. Good luck with that. No more sneaking around. No more fun and games. Reality will kick in for the both of you soon enough and it won't be pretty.