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Crestfallen_KH

Now I'm dreaming about you. I hate this.

 

I miss talking to you. I hate knowing that you don't have your daughter this weekend and that probably means you'll be spending time with her. Having sex with her, laughing with her - when just a few weeks ago that was me.

 

Part of me is so angry with you. You already have all these doubts based on things she's said, but you're riding it out. How freaking desperate are you for a relationship? Is hooking up with a girl who wouldn't care that you had sex with your ex as long as she could watch and has two kids from two different men and who can't even afford to live on her own REALLY someone you want to build a future with??? That's REALLY better than hanging out with me? Great stepmom material there. And sure, you're an attorney, but once she finds out how much debt you have she'll probably realize you're not such a sweet deal after all. Hell, you can barely afford to take care of yourself and your daughter - good luck adding two more kids and a wife to your payroll. You were worried you weren't going to get a JOB because of your credit - does she's know the best you'll ever be able to provide her is some damn apartment??

 

For 14 months you said you just needed a girl who was messed up. Well, congratulations. It sounds like you've got yourself a girl with some issues. Good luck introducing A into that mess and dealing with H.

 

I'm sure you like her, I know you really do. And why should I even care? I mean, you're not picky - any girl who you enjoy spending time with and who likes you is a perfectly good relationship candidate because you don't demand the best for yourself. Yeah, the fact that you said you weren't picky always made ME feel good, btw. I kept asking "Why am I even here then if I'm not special to him?"

 

Yeah, well, good luck. When it blows up in your face, don't contact me.

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I know you still love me...I know you still care.

I know its only been a month and 2 weeks since I have been gone...

I also know that I truly believe that you are my soul mate....

I cant even look at things the same without you by my side anymore.

 

Please just want me back.

We have shared so so much.. We have built so much together...

so we could be apart now again? WHY??

 

Please realize that I AM the one for you...please tell me this.

I know you love me..You know I took good care of you and loved doing that for you.

You can have that all back again.

We are so compatible....I dont want anybody else BUT YOU.

 

so please..just realize in your heart..that I am the one..and you will tell me this...dont let distance stop you..because its not going to stop me.

 

I will be wherever you want me to be. But this time..the right way...

I will transfer my job this time... if I cant transfer a job..then I will MAKE SURE that I have a job before I come out there again.

Please do this for me.. DO THIS FOR US...

So we both can be happily together again, one day.

I MISS YOU

I PROMISED YOU I WOULD CARE FOR YOU AND LOVE YOU FOREVER.

REMEMBER THAT.

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I was stupid for thinking that you would show up on Vals day. All those questions about my schedule was all a hoax and you just wanted to work me up. You knew the kind of thoughts i would if you asked.

 

I did decide on that day to move on with my life. I am done! I now know that you aren't worth it. You can only make me happy but you will never be able to keep me happy. That is the most important thing. I loved you! Gosh I loved you and I would have given you my life if it ever came to that.. real talk!

 

How can you sit there and tell me that I never loved you?? To say It was all a game to me? I was going to marry you! We had our lives planned out together. I have never loved that hard in my life ever! Gosh! I gave you all of me in every sense of that word. I made love to you like my whole world depended on it, i tolerated all your crap, i over looked your flaws and i accepted you just the way you are. I encouraged you and was there to motivate you. If I may say so myself I am a good woman!

 

You will never be able to find anyone else like me! No sir you will not! It may sound like a cliche but to find someone that treated you the way I did? No way! You will look for me in all the girls out there but you will never find me in them.

 

I believe that you will regret your decision. You will shed even more tears than I did. you will yearn and cry for me but i will not be there to understand you. It will be very late then as I will be with someone else who cannot live without me seeing as you said you couldn't live with me. I also believe i will be with that man who all my life experiences has prepared me for. The one i was really meant to be with.

 

I am happy that i have never insulted you in all of this. Many women out there would have but I did not. Deep down I know you are a good man who wants to do right but you are not ready to grow up and also man up! Sadly you never will be. No woman in her right mind will see past all of that. Any sane woman out there wants a man that can love her, protect her and be emotionally stable and healthy to make and stand by his decisions no matter what happens.

 

I may never get the closure that i seek but I know that with time everything will come to light. It may take years but i know i will one day look back and count this shattered heart of mine as one of those blessings. One of those things that happens when someone up there is looking out for you.

 

The tears has stopped flowing long ago. I think about you less. I am truly healing and moving on. I saw your photos today and my heart still fluttered. There are some feelings there still. This much i will not deny as love doesn't disappear in a matter of months. It took a while to come and it will take an even longer while to go.

 

The pain my heart felt has lessened. I will fall in love again and this time around I know it will be for good! What you did to me will take a long time to finally get over. years i reckon but i have come out of it a much better and stronger person.

 

Lastly, I want you to be truly happy and very fulfilled. Nothing would please me more. I don't hate you and I don't even have it in my heart to hate you. Take care of you. Goodbye!

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I so want to text him that...wow. I have not heard from him since he said he wanted to be FWB then just friends...wow...i want to so bad I was very good yesterday but I could not...im going to do it i know :mad:

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I had my job interview today and all i wanted to do was tell you about it...like I normally would if we were officially still together.

But I dont want to hound you all the time and I know you are busy with your new job.

 

I cried my eyes out over you again for a good hour...

I know we are separated....but I want this to only be temporary.

I love you..and you love me.

PLEASE tell me that you want me back and we will start all over again.

I know you are my soul mate. I KNOW you are.

 

I promised you I would care for you the rest of our lives.

PLEASE let me do this.

We can have it all back again.

I love you!!

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you made me think you really liked me, and i in turn thought we could make it through any difficulties. but you weren't kidding that time you told me you were a weak person, some difficulties that we could have made it through if we just TALKED, and instead you refuse to, let the worry worsen, treat me like I'm suddenly some evil force in your life, and ruined things.

 

i feel awesome today though. i feel free. i should be grateful that you crossed the point of no return, you're gone from my life forever, and soon your memory will just be a distant fact, no emotion attached.

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LikeCharlotte

Someday you will understand how I feel because you will meet someone who makes you want to do more than you thought you could. I was never that person to you but someday, hopefully, I will be to someone. You will be okay.

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"There are many important invitations". Hmm, more important than mine, obviously.

「たくさん大事な招待がある」。うーん、明らかに僕のより大事な。

 

I'm going with someone else, and I am going to have the best night of my life.

では、僕の人生一番いい夜に誰か他の人と行く。

 

No, you will not meet me another day, or any day.

今も将来も会わない。

 

This was your last chance. If you still loved me you would have gone with me.

最後のチャンスだった。僕がまだ好きだったら、あなたが行ったでしょう。

 

We're finished.

僕とあなたは、終えた。

 

I am going to start forgetting about you and give my heart to someone else.

今から、あなたのことを忘れるのを始めて、他の女に心をささげる。

 

My only regret is that we never loved each other at the same time.

同じ時に僕たちが互いに愛し合っていなかったが惜しまれてならない。

 

We didn't even get to try a relationship at all. We didn't get to at least create any memories together. And now it's lost.

関係をやってみ損ねちゃった。せめて特別な思い出を作り損ねちゃった。そして今、失った。

 

Really, we were a couple in all but name.

本当に、実質上は僕たちがカップルだった。

 

I took the time to understand my real feelings for you before I agreed to be your bf.

あなたの彼氏になるに同意する前に、わざわざ時間を割いて自分の気持ちを分かった。

 

We were so intimate right up until I left for Christmas. And yet in less than a month you found someone else so quickly.

僕がクリスマス休暇で出掛けたまで僕たちがとても深いお付き合いをしていた。それなのに、あなたが1ヶ月未満で早くほかの彼氏を見つけた。

 

I am ending this because I deserve to be loved and I am tired of hurting.

僕は愛されるに値する。また、痛むことに疲れた。だから、この結末だ。

 

I will learn to forget you.

あなたのことを忘れるに受け入れるつもりだ。

 

You will always be my first love. That will never change.

あなたはいつでも僕の初恋。変わらない。

 

But now I must find someone who will love me too.

でも、私をも愛する女の子を選ばなきゃならないよ。

 

And, I will probably make love for the first to her. I wanted so badly to have that memory with you. The memory of my first time, it is irreplaceable.

そして、あの女の子と始めて愛の営みをするかも。あなたとこの思い出を作るのをしたくて仕方がなかった...

この思い出は、掛け替えのない。

 

Please understand.

This is the only way I can keep my dignity.

それ分かってね。

それが威厳を保つのが起こり得る唯一の道。

 

See you around.

それでは、またね。

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its nearly 4 months now and i still think of you ....... the process of letting go - of being rid of you - of being grateful that you're no longer part of my life

 

i used to love you so much ...... now i feel physically sick thinking about you

 

i can live with myself and i'm living well - i couldn't live as you especially with how contemptful you are of people and how you lied to get me back ....

 

you'll get the short term fix of anthers adoration and anothers tender words and care ......... but for how long ....... when will the questions and the emptyness start again Julie ?

 

i wish you well ........ be gentle with yourself and your life ........ you weren't capable of that with me but perhaps you'll find a way on your own or with your new love interest

 

you mean nothing to me - there's nothing here for you - your life is an act and you honesty and love is transparent

 

but all that said i thank you for our time together, we had fun and we had some great moments together in our life - i won't overlook that and thank you for coming into my life ....... Cherrio Julie

 

Tx

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I love you Babe...

I hope you want me back....I know you wanted time apart...but everyday that is going by..I miss you more and more. I HATE being so far from you.

I can never imagine myself with anybody but you. :(

It pains me.

 

I hope you still want me to visit you in May...because I plan on it and I plan on holding you the entire time and just kissing you and feeling you near me.

Please tell me that you want me back.

 

I always loved taking good care of you and I still will.

Its been 6 weeks..and I know the longest we have ever been apart was 5 months in our LDR...

but this feels like an eternity. :(

I love you dearly...

always will.

Please ask me to be back in your life again..completely.

It is all I want..

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I'm feeling down at the moment and because of this you seem to be on my mind all the time.

 

I hate you for what you did to me.

 

I honestly wish i'd never met you.

 

None of the memories i once cherished meant anything to you, it hurts to think about the fact you were always cheating on me.

 

You've made me lose the ability to ever trust another woman again, which i hate because i hate the thought of going through life with this empty lonely feeling.

 

I long for the day when i no longer feel when i think about you, i just want you out of my system for good.

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i used to hate you, then after a year i saw you for the first time and basically took all my anger out on you for what you did. but can you really blame me?

 

well now i want you to know that i think i will always love you and im sorry i never sorted my head out with my ocd. i know now looking back this made life difficult. im also sorry i didnt truly know what i wanted and we felt the need to spread our wings. well i guess you truly never loved me anyway, otherwise you wouldnt have gone out with him after what 3-4 weeks, some of them behind my back..

 

if i had known i would miss you this much then i would have changed my ways back then. but i know it probably wouldnt have changed much, maybe we just werent made to be together :(

 

anyway i hope one day we can talk again and look back on the time we shared. i will always love you and your family. i know your living with your new bf now and i guess you have to do what makes you happy.

 

i hope you dont regret not ever having spent at least half a year on your own to really figure things out and feeling free. like you once said.

 

and if you want my opinion, your too good for him. no offense but he looks like a rat. and the way he came on to you also represents that. he is also older and ulgier than me and shorter than you.. you used to tell me how it would be nice if i was 4 inches taller even though i am already 6ft, so that my arm could wrap around your neck perfectly.

 

im not being nasty because you chose him over me, i am just speaking my mind.

 

anyway i wish you could read this. and wish you could know how much i have actually thought about you ever since we parted.

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hopesndreams

hey P,

 

When I found her hand cream in the car, it hurt me. She wanted me to find it. When I found the body wash in the back seat of the car, that hurt me too. Deliberately placed there by her for me to find it. When I found a blanket that didn't belong to me in the trunk of the car, that hurt me. I poured window washer fluid all over it and put it back in the garbage bag. When I went into in the spare room where you slept cos I kicked you out of our bed, I felt sorry for ya. When I went to change your pillowcase, her slip and skimpy smelly thong came out. How could a grown man of 41 do such a thing? I threw them away, told you I threw them away and I bet you enjoyed telling her all about it cos she couldn't wait to give you more of her stinky underwear for you to jack off to. Yeah, found those under your mattress! I think you are a disgusting pervert that thinks he's a teenager. Who the eff are you anyway? I spent 10 years of my life with a saddo like you, and I cringe. Well, soon you get to be with your fantasy full-time, lucky you. Hope her husband punches her face in for what she's done to him, but then again I imagine she will just pack up, take their kid, leave her house while he's a work. Your both pathetic cowards. I feel for him, wish I knew who he was so I could fill him in. Go play happy families with your new woman...hope the husband punches your face in too you slimey git! Well, your fantasy will soon be reality, but let me just tell you this...reality bites! And as for being your "friend" after you leave me...GO F*CK URSELF!

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Sunset_Cowgirl

Hey Sunshine,

 

Just want to tell you that you're a confusing little s**t. 2yrs have almost past ya know. Why do we keep having these little spurts of communication? It's just like that song, "I've done everything move on like I'm supposed to, but I still miss you". It's not just me either. So why do we do this? Why do you say you love me? Why do you say you any of the things that you do? Yet you're still there and I'm still here. Well just a heads up-> I'm not coming to you. I'm not asking you for a darn thing. You left. You want me? You know where I am.

 

Take care Sunshine,

 

Love, Me

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**** it. time really is healing, and each day that passes you meaning something to me dissipates a bit at a time. i will not fall for you villanizing me, that was merely your way of justifying what you were doing behind my back. i'm not jealous at all of who you're with now, because i damn well know how unstable you are.

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BackonTrack2

hello stranger, 1 year now of no contact.

i still remember

 

 

i don't even know anymore, it was all lies

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BackonTrack2

wow 2 days later....

 

i really don't care anymore

 

yeah~!~!~ i'm so happy hehe... :-)

 

damn i kind of feel sorry for you now... your sort of pathetic...., damn, i wonder how come i was so messed up, it must of been because my cousin died and i never mourn her, so i must of had 2 losses in one or something....

 

strange... i can't see myself doing that again... i dunno, something was wrong me but you... ewww your disgusting.... ewww, oh well, shouldn't of been fawking two men at the same time.....

 

i feel sorry for your husband

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i hope you are happy with her. i remember last summer you told me she was not your type and that you found her unattractive and fat. ha! it was all lies.

 

she's such a mean person. i am really surprised that you love her so much already...when just a little while ago you wanted to talk dirty to me in skype. *********! lech mich am arsch, f*cker!!

 

this whole situation could have been handled better. you guys didn;t have to be so insensitive and tasteless about it! i mean, posting pictures of you guys making out and in bed all over the internet where you now i would see it?!?!!? LAME. you suck. it's made me HATE you. i thank you for that. it's much easier to get over this hating you instead of loving you.

 

i hope you enjoy your craptastic new lover. *kotz*

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hey R

how u doing?oh still playing computer games.i heard u going to party now too.funny u locked me in every weekend.

WHAT?one beer and u r pissed?dont u think its time to get up from that and get a life.i moved to u,sold my car everything,only to leave there coz of ur cat pissing on my clothes and me being ur floor rag.oh btw im pregnant...no no i cant come back.yeah we can try again.long distance.i love u

 

later

 

hi

8 months pregnant,and for the 4th time u leave me,now even i am confused.u say there is no one else.lol !!!

hunny-u will pay each month,ill make sure?u really think the goths u hang out will be satisfied...yeah i know i told u there is nothing wrong with ur 'size',but frankly i see my pregnancy as a miricle.

 

shh its ok now,mommy will fix everything for u,she always has.hasnt she?pays everything for u...

oh wait,maby u can get a virtual girl.

the only good thing out of this is my child...yes MY child!!

and whether u are coming down for the birth or not,in three weeks i get to meet the most important person in my life.i really am sooo disapointed coz of all the ups and downs i could not enjoy my pregnancy.so for the the 4th time,2 days before my bday,its over.thax allot for that.no thanx to the support u didnt give me.NOW IT IS FOR GOOD.

please dont think u can walk in after 2 or 5 years claiming something u didnt support for 9 months.how despirate were u to get a relationshio goin again.pay 3 grand for a plane ticket to come have sex with a pregnant woman and leave again.lol..i will never keep u away from our girl,but do ur side then,only financially,coz i dont thin think u want to be a father yet,i mean u are still a child.its ok though.i dont want 2 children,so it is actually easier u see?

 

so when u 'find urself' again,please find a life while u at it.searching for something.i dont know,try google.

 

ill get all my friends back,everything u have taken from me.i will get it back.

 

i need to thank u for one thing.

 

thank u for giving me a child,who btw looks axactly like ME

 

 

PS: u know how i cried and told u i dont know if im ready to have a child?and u responded with OH.well i am,more ready now than i will ever be,

 

In spite of it all

 

i truly hope u find what u are looking for.

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disturbedinthehead

Well I'm new here but you have no idea how much this has helped so thanks :), but here goes...

 

Dear A, well what can I say yes you broke my heart and continue to do so no matter what I try!!!! I hate you!!!!! I hate what you did I hate how you made me feel useless and like noone else in the world could or would care about me. You made me feel the ugliest girl in the world and that noone would ever want me because of it. Because of you I don't feel it fair to start a new relationship because I can't get you out of my head and it's frustrating because I don't want you anymore. What did I even see in you in the first place? I got a new phone and then text you like a fool because I thought I missed you :mad: I feel for the girl who seems to think your fab because soon enough she will see what a complete d*** you are.

Can anyone help me I've tried nc but it doesnt seem to be helping something always throws him back into the spotlight and I'm back at square one.

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Butterfly01

The pain is unbearable today. I thought I was making progress, but today I realized it's all just a charade. I'm pretending to be happy, I'm putting on a brave face for everyone around me, I'm pretending to be moving on with my life -- but when I get home at night it all comes back to me. You're not here -- you're there with her. I know you are in love with her -- I know you have completely moved on and forgotten about me -- but I can't seem to let go of loving you -- I can't seem to let go of the thought that you and I are meant to be together.

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hopesndreams

Here is your last hate email and go share it with ur bag of bones....

 

Enjoy ur earthly life, judgment day is just round corner....explain it to someone who gives a flying ****

 

having a giggle at my expense....?

good on ya

luv conquers all eh?

yes, i'm drunk writing this

but who really gives a damn

besides u 2 sinners eh?

 

do want u want paul, u will anyway, regardless

 

much luv and salutations

 

thx for the memories..i will treasure them...while she is sucking on ur ****

 

bye bye

 

she is a mother teresa, a halo of gold...she has ruined my life, my future

 

orgasm on that u mother****er

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Well I'm new here but you have no idea how much this has helped so thanks :), but here goes...

 

Dear A, well what can I say yes you broke my heart and continue to do so no matter what I try!!!! I hate you!!!!! I hate what you did I hate how you made me feel useless and like noone else in the world could or would care about me. You made me feel the ugliest girl in the world and that noone would ever want me because of it. Because of you I don't feel it fair to start a new relationship because I can't get you out of my head and it's frustrating because I don't want you anymore. What did I even see in you in the first place? I got a new phone and then text you like a fool because I thought I missed you :mad: I feel for the girl who seems to think your fab because soon enough she will see what a complete d*** you are.

Can anyone help me I've tried nc but it doesnt seem to be helping something always throws him back into the spotlight and I'm back at square one.

 

Welcome to forums :love:

 

You need to just go out and do new things, this will help with the NC alot

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I miss you, you little sh*t. I know I broke it off but it was going to happen sooner or later. I wish you had more imagination and didn't have your heart set on the army: I would have happily spent years frolicking with you.

 

Don't get shot.

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