Post here instead of contacting your ex!

[sparklemama]

Well i have to say its really hard not talking to you everyday.We were each others confidants,my best friend.I had your back so many times but then you go ahead and mess everything up.Why couldnt you take our relationship seriously all i wanted from you was to give us a try so that we could raise our daughter in a loving home.We were in the process of finding an apartment and everything was good but then i found those text messages on your phone from other women and it hurt me so deeply.Instead of being a man and doing whats right for your family you choose to leave me and go live a life of a bachelor,You need to grow up and become a man your still a little boy the way you think and behave.I hate you so much but I still love you just as passionately.It has become very draining and some days i dont even want to get out of bed or do anything.i feel like a part of me broke inside and you are the only one who can fix it.I realized that last year around this time you also left me.What is it like a spring vacation?you get to play your games with those nasty disrespectful sluts.Its funny how you have more respect for them than the mother of your child.Well this time i will not be waiting when you decide to make your way back at the end of the summer oh no i am better than this.I deserve better than this!You have strung me along for seven years.You have given me the best times of my life but also the worst and actually the worst times seemed more frequent than the good.So why do i still love you?Good question i guess i am an idiot or my heart seriously has a mind of its own.Babe i miss you even though i deserve better.Our talks,Watching funny movies,Cracking jokes and going out.Your daughter asks about you im not sure what to tell her.If you say you love your daughter how could you tell me you never want to hear or see me again you never even mentioned your daughter.I call you and you dont answer,your not even worried about talking to her.Wow your a heartless bastard.Your an idiot for thinking that im not good enough for you but i know i am wayyy to good for you and someday someone will appreciate it.Hope your missing me just as much and hurting just as much as i am.You deserve all the karma that is coming your way.

[hopesndreams]

Hey P,

 

Thanks so effin much for not following through on leaving me at the beginning of the month! I really, really looked forward to that day, psyched myself up and everything. I even went to the doctor in preparation for that day. Got myself a few anti-anxiety pills, took one and started crying my eyes out in a half hour for a half hour. What's up with that???? So then you told me you would be sticking around for a few days, and man, I was p*ssed, but did not show it. I will not show how you get to me anymore. And now I find out you won't be leaving me til next Sunday!!!!! And you want to help ME move into my new place??? What kind of a sadistic barstard are you anyway????

 

Oh, and thanks so much for this weekend telling me all about your new woman over a few drinks. Dear lord, you are such a pathetic man. It has made me really realize that the best thing in my life would be for you to fall off the face of the earth.

 

I'm falling out of love with you and it feeeeeeeeeeeels great! Keep up your b*ll****, it's working wonders.

[wheresmysunshine]

Yeah I haven't responded to your email about the list of things you typed up that I'm allowed to take from my own house. Do you actually think I'm going to give that list the time of day?? Don't kid yourseld. U think you are being so strong right now not contacting me, maybe you are filling all your hours flirting with your new whore at work and then after work I'm sure you two are going out to dinner and staying out all night together. You are such a piece of trash! And yet here I sit on the 6th day of moving out, still wondering when you are going to realize how much you f*cked up again.

Did you talk to your parents this sunday? Or were you out with your little slut? I know the house phone is disconnected so they probably tried your cell. Well you've told them before It was my decision to leave and my fault blah blah blah but you NEVER tell them the truth! That you always choose the other women over me! If you mom calls me this time I will tell her the truth once again. Your whole family knows how you always do this to me. How can anyone have any kind of respect for you.

I know how we both are stubborn and neither one of us likes to give in first in a fight but I guarantee you, I am remaining NC on this one! I will not be the first to initiate. And your little bull**** promises to change will NOT cut it.

I even have been fighting my thoughts of rationalizing with you.. like if you start begging me back I may say yes if you quit your job and get a new one. But who am I kidding, you will always find a way to play me! anywhere any job u go to.

I expect your next contact to me will be to find out when I'm getting the rest of my stuff from the house so you can move your little whore in. Guess what? Its my F-ing house too dumbassss and I am in NO hurry to get stuff outta there so sit on that for a while!

In the meantime I keep hoping karma bites u in the ass and something life altering happens to u! you've done this to me too many times and I am starting to hate the person u are!

[BackonTrack2]

i don't even know why i'm updating this board.

i feel like a loser, i was just reading everyone else storied and decided to post something.. well hrm..

 

i have nothing to say, i don't even wonder anything, nope don't even care, wow, it went away, crazy

[sparklemama]

Well i am sure you feel really ****ing good J.So i break my no contact rule and i only lasted a day and a half that really sucks but we have a daughter together so as much as i wish i didnt have to i still have to keep LC with you.Im contacting you because you know we have some financial situations we need to take care of.I know that your a lousy excuse of a man but come on you have to take care of your daughter i cant do this alone!If i have to go through the courts then J i will in a heartbeat something i should have done a long time ago.So your enjoying your time with that whore arent you?Well lets see if she will be there with you through the hard times like i was.Lets see if she can handle your immature behavior and your lousy sex.Or i guess you were only lousy with me right?

First things first you know that there are some matters that need to be taking care of and i am not going to leave you alone until those matters are handled then i plan on moving to PA.This is something you know i have been wanting to do for years now and it was our plan but for some reason you couldnt leave.Fine well now i can do it all alone but i will tell you this right now once i get situated and have put in all the hard work to get there and live my life i refuse to allow you to come along and move in with me as if nothing happened.I have a feeling that is exactly what you are doing,You are waiting for me to get the apartment in pa and leave you over here playing around with those nasty sluts and then when your ready to play loving family man you will come back to me.Well no it is not going to happen!Your hurting me so bad right now and i could never forgive you for this.You know i suffer from depression and this is hitting me hard but you dont care as you like to say "you cant be with a woman like me"

Well i cant be with an inconsiderate prick like you.You can go about doing this the civil way or we can involve the courts and your family and it will get nasty.

 

 

PS:I love you

[dismilla]

GET OUT OF MY HEAD!!!!!! It had been 1 week yesterday of NC and I was actually starting to feel microscopically better until I went and broke it.

 

I know I souldn't have txt you and I don't know why I bothered as I knew I wasn't going to get a reply. About half an hour later I txt you again apologising for txting you! WTF!! Talk about lowering myself when I was doing so well...

 

You have me wrapped around your finger still and I truly hate you for that. I can't get you off my mind and every little thing I do seems to remind me of you.

 

I love you and I miss you babe, why did you have to make things like this?

[Nikki Sahagin]

Well this is a bit different from other messages here, as we are still together. But inside I am quietly psyching myself up to leave...because right now I can't do it, I have exams and assessments and work and I wouldn't have the strength to pull through those things if I ended us now...

 

When I first met you, I was someone with a lot of pain and hurt. I was mistrustful, cynical, suspicious. I kept everyone at a distance because i'd already felt so much hurt that I really couldn't be bothered anymore. I could forsake human company because all I wanted was to feel safe and secure and I could feel that on my own. But I met you and like a miracle, you drew me out of myself. I trusted you and you gave me faith in people, in human beings, in men. And I fell in love with you. Because I fell in love with you, because I wanted you that badly, because I thought solely of myself, I didn't care about the girl you'd been with for 4 months. I thought what we had was so different, so special, so unique - thats how I justified it to myself. You were my best friend, the only guy to make me horny. I had such strong defences, I let you in. WHAT about you was different? What about you made me give you a chance? Was the chemistry that crazy? You became my best friend. We knew all of each others secrets. We took a risk trusting each other and it paid off. Still to this day nobody knows your secrets but me. I know that.

 

I know as much as there's something I get from you that I can't define, you get it too. I'm not sure sometimes what we give each other. Its something no-one else can give me. In your arms I feel safe. When I look at you in the night, I see the face I could watch grow old. I see a man that I would love and stay with even in the greatest hardship. If you were in an accident and paralysed, I would forsake sex and all that comes with it, just to be there for you. Because the love I feel for you is so much stronger than ANYTHING else. Because you and me ALWAYS felt like Romeo and Juliet or a fairy tale; obsessive, addictive, dependent, crazy, like we were each others only salvation, only saviours. But underneath the craziness that people could say is not love, I had such a pure, innocent, determined love for you. Honestly. I know in my heart as strong as anything in this world - I could have loved you and been with you forever. All I needed from you was trust and your entheasiasm for the same.

 

Maybe because you came along at a hard time in my life, I felt I needed you. And that made it harder to leave. Because it wasn't just a want, but it felt like an actual need, like food or drink. There's some kind of hold you have over me like a spell. I feel like a drug addict. When your not there, when I think of us ending, I have this feeling like the deepest despair i've ever known, it knocks six levels out of my stomach. I feel.....like i'm falling and no-ones there to catch me. I'm supposed to catch me. But I barely have the strength to. Its like my body gives up on me. Doesn't want to eat or drink, barely want to sleep but don't want to wake up. Its like without you I can't sustain myself, because I gave over all my strength and power and passion to us, to being together with you. What hurts SO much is that I LOVE you so much. I think to love as much as I do deserves to be rewarded. Don't I deserve that back? Love is the purest, rarest, most beautiful thing in the world. I gave you that.

 

There was a time you'd give me everything as well. And thats what was so beautiful about us. You kissed me even when I had glandular fever. You told me I was beautiful when I was ill and my hair was a mess and we'd been camping for 3 days without washing or brushing our teeth! We held a cold drink against my neck when I had a sore throat for an entire 3 hour car journey. You cuddled me to sleep every night. You wrote me letters and brought me presents. You made me feel like such a special person. I became better and stronger. You were my first kiss and my first partner. My first love. And it was so perfect. It felt worth it and right. You are so under my skin. But I also know i'm under yours. Because like I said, there's something you give me, but there's something I give you too. I think I make you feel needed, wanted, loved, listened to - you were so lonely as a kid, your dad left you, mum lied to you, you were bullied, had been beaten up - you felt no-one could listen or care. You didn't like to talk about yourself. Maybe thats how you take people in. By listening to them, knowing them, mirroring them. I held you when you cried about your dad. And did I think you were weak or pathetic or not a man? In that moment you were the most beautiful, precious little thing in the world. Because that was you and me. When I was weak, you were strong for me. When you were weak, I was strong for you. It didn't need to be about power or control. Who needs who. We needed each other. We wanted each other.

 

I think you have real issues around what being a man means. You think being a man means you have to boast and be arrogant, win everything, be needed, not talk about feelings, be independent, not need anyone or anything. But you see I KNOW the true you. You showed it to me when you didn't mean to. I KNOW you care. I've seen you cry. I know even if you've trained yourself not to need anyone, not to trust anyone, you WANT to. And I would have been that person. That's the most tragic thing. I would have been the person you could trust to never leave or let you down. I would have been the person yo help you through anything and everything. I would have made any sacrifice for you. I know there was something dangerous to our love, but there was also something so pure and real. I don't know I can love like this again; with that much passion and that much innocence all at the same time. I don't know I can give my heart like this again, or my trust. And thats a shame. Because I think if we were all less selfish, less scared, less full of human issues and failings - if we could just give our hearts to another and they'd return it, that is the only true fulfillment. But people can't seem to do that. They hold back. We are all so full of fear. Now I am too. But I love you. You don't deserve my love but I love you. I don't think i'm being young and naive. I think this was real, could have been real............but life doesn't guarantee anything. I think you'll look back one day....who knows what may happen in your life, but you'll look back and remember how someone cared for you, loved you, listened to you, and even if you don't love me anymore, I think you'll remember the something special that bound you to me once. That I was the person in all you knew that would prove your fears wrong. Maybe you'll meet someone else who'll prove you wrong. But I was the first....i'm sorry you couldn't do the same for me.

[openbook08]

5months no contact...gets easier each week that passes

 

but, why.. why did i feel disappointed when i didnt hear from you on my birthday a few weeks ago?? and why, yesterday when i received a card in the post that had your exact handwriting on it did my heart skip a beat and crumble all over again when it wasnt from you.....

 

we both needed to grow and experience life apart,hard as it is to admit that...so why did you choose the exact same path but with someone else...you are missing out on so much & the part that will always love you hurts for you because of this...i think ill always care. and i miss you. but youll never know.

i still cant believe we're over

[brokenglass]

My mind has been on a roller coaster. There are days where I wake up and think I am ok with us never being together again, and then there are days like today, and nights like last night.

 

I desperately wish I didn't have to talk to you, but our son prevents that from happening. I wish I could go more than 7 days without having to talk to you about anything. Not because I don't want to talk to you, because all of our friends and your family know I do, but because I want to give you the ultimate space and time to think that you deserve.

 

But alas, we must see eachother and we must speak, and often. I might have not been the best partner/father, but I know what went wrong and I know where to make things right again in the future. Seeing you and our son last night went wonderful, just like it usually does. Spending time with you alone upstairs and hanging out and talking about nothing like we used to made me realize we still have chemistry. We were together for 6 long years and I am not ready to throw it all away.

 

I've asked you before and I will ask you again right now, to please give me a chance, and to give yourself a chance. Our lives do not have to go through this. We are better than that.

 

I still love you as much and more since the day I met you. Through all of the bad times, the confusing times, the angry and tumultuous times, through all the good and wonderful and amazing times, I have loved you the same.

 

I forgive you for everything, past and present. I hope that in the future you bless me with the opportunity to forgive and love me again, because that love that I once had was the most love I had ever received from anyone in my life.

 

I promise, until the day that I die, on every star in the sky, every plant on God's green earth and every ounce of my soul, that if our lives ever merge together again like it did for so long, I will not make the same mistakes I did before.

 

Please give us a chance. :'(

 

I'll see you tomorrow night, I love you.

[Aerorobyn]

A,

 

You have no idea how miserable I feel. It's been 10 days of NC, and although there are some days I feel ok, there are other days that I feel like complete crap. Like this morning...I woke up crying, and now I'm missing class because I can't bare to go on there and have tears start falling down my face and everyone seeing me cry.

 

I miss you so much. It seems every other couple in the world gets a second chance to prove themselves...why can't we have a second chance? I know I have to let it be...I have to let you go. You're not coming back to me. And it's just so hard for me, because you were my best friend...we did everything together for two years, and now we're nothing to one another.

 

I love you and I want you to be happy...but why do I have to give up my happiness in order for you to be happy?

[anni1979]

M,

I've realized over the last couple of days that it isn't really you that I miss. It wasn't you that I wanted to be with, it was a fantasy that I'd created.

 

I wanted to be a part of your family, because they are amazing. I miss your mom, and your sisters. I never thought I'd miss your dad, but I do, because he is kind and supportive and steady, all the things my dad wasn't. I miss your little cousins. They were so sweet.

 

I miss the dog. I can't even think his name without crying. He gave me all the love and affection that you couldn't.

 

How could you let this go on for so long?? Why didn't you let me end it in September?? Because you still needed me - you'd been having such a rough year, you needed my support. And now that you're doing well, and I needed you, you got the hell out.

 

I feel so used. You sucked me into your life, made me a part of your family, took everything I had to give and then tossed me aside.

 

I accept my part in this. I should have left long ago. But you were always THERE. Quietly working your way into my life, becoming a habit.

 

I hate you right now. But I miss being a part of your world.

A.

[Ilovehim]

A,

 

You have no idea how miserable I feel. It's been 10 days of NC, and although there are some days I feel ok, there are other days that I feel like complete crap. Like this morning...I woke up crying, and now I'm missing class because I can't bare to go on there and have tears start falling down my face and everyone seeing me cry.

 

I miss you so much. It seems every other couple in the world gets a second chance to prove themselves...why can't we have a second chance? I know I have to let it be...I have to let you go. You're not coming back to me. And it's just so hard for me, because you were my best friend...we did everything together for two years, and now we're nothing to one another.

 

I love you and I want you to be happy...but why do I have to give up my happiness in order for you to be happy?

 

 

sweetie this is exactly what i went through in my first few months

[wheresmysunshine]

M,

I've realized over the last couple of days that it isn't really you that I miss. It wasn't you that I wanted to be with, it was a fantasy that I'd created.

 

I wanted to be a part of your family, because they are amazing. I miss your mom, and your sisters. I never thought I'd miss your dad, but I do, because he is kind and supportive and steady, all the things my dad wasn't. I miss your little cousins. They were so sweet.

 

I miss the dog. I can't even think his name without crying. He gave me all the love and affection that you couldn't.

 

How could you let this go on for so long?? Why didn't you let me end it in September?? Because you still needed me - you'd been having such a rough year, you needed my support. And now that you're doing well, and I needed you, you got the hell out.

 

I feel so used. You sucked me into your life, made me a part of your family, took everything I had to give and then tossed me aside.

 

I accept my part in this. I should have left long ago. But you were always THERE. Quietly working your way into my life, becoming a habit.

 

I hate you right now. But I miss being a part of your world.

A.

 

I feel for you A! This is exactly how I feel! I was so close to his family and it is killing me inside to not call his mom and tell her. I had my chance to walk away last november and he begged and pleaded and made more promises to change. You're right, they only do it to use us for their benefit and once they feel strong they toss us away!

[Goldstar]

Ok one month with LC and what do you do? You frickin try to reel me back in with that expensive gift. Wow thanks alot for making me feel like crap all week because you know I want you. You bloody well know it and you are taunting me, holding a carrot out for me. You are cruel.

[wheresmysunshine]

wow day 7 of NC. u surprise me, I def thought u would have been begging me back by now. Well u did in November after only 3 days so I guess thats why I got my hopes up.

I am so effin pissed at you because i was strong all weekend, didn't cry and then today I had to go over to the house without u knowing and get the mail that was mine. Then I saw it... You had taken down all my photos on the fridge and even the big one of us on the horses in the livingroom. You are such a piece of ****! I deliberately told you not to take down my photos unless ALL my **** was out! WTF u bastard.

And that doesn't actually work to make me believe u invited her over, just because u cleaned the kitchen and the dishes, the rest of the house has my **** all over still and our wedding stuff is all over the dining room table so I HIGHLY doubt she's been in our house yet. Don't expect me to be moving that **** anytime soon either.

I contacted a lawyer today to set up a consul to find out what my rights are on the deed of the house. You want me to walk away and be "workable". HAHAHA! you are so funny, after u ruin my life, my future, thinking we were going to be married next may.. U expect me to go peacefully????? It would be one thing if you were begging me back by now but u go day after day with NC like a little bitch.. with your little bitch at work.

I still can't help but sit here and wonder what the hell u two are doing tonight. prob took her out to dinner again. boring. u prob arent getting any sleep either running around all hours of the night then to work early in the morning. sucks. actually im not sleeping good either bc the cats and i are shoved in a small room together at my friends house and they keep me up crying wondering why they aren't in their big house.

HV's asthma came back, so I have to give her steriods again. I'm sure u could give a flying f.

I was so close to calling your mom today, just to see if u actually told them anything yet since u love to keep each break up hidden. When i'm not there on Easter I am sure they will know whats up. You will prob blame it on me again saying i left blah blah blah. Why dont u tell them the truth, U chose that co-worker over me when I asked u to choose or else I'm leaving!

This NC thing is killing me, I thought u were gonna at least try to get me back before easter. wow... im going crazy wondering why u arent contacting me. i'm sure as hell not giving in but would love it if u start already!

[Aerorobyn]

A,

 

I am not gonna mope over you anymore. As much as I still care for you, I have definitely come to realize that you are immature, pathetic, and a complete coward.

 

You want your life of solitude and being alone? Bull****. If you wanted that you wouldn't be going out every Friday night with those guys you call your "friends" --the ones who were never there for you. The ones who didn't even call to see if you were OK when you were in the hospital, yet I sat up there for hours with you!

 

Enjoy your life. Those guys will be gone soon, and then you really will have nobody. I guess then you'll see what a life of solitude is like.

 

Twenty-one years old...pshhh...you look like you're 14, and act like you're 5. You wonder why all the girls in the past turned you down...and why the one girl who did get with you ended up cheating on you for a better looking guy after only a couple of days into the fling? hahahahaha.

 

I think I can do better than you, sorry loser.

[Nikki Sahagin]

I just want to remind you some of the things you are losing by taking me for granted, for actually telling me to 'STOP' when I tell you my needs, for prioritising your space to the development of our relationship 2 years in....when the closeness should increase not decrease.

 

You are losing someone that always had the time of day for you. I think you'll find a lot of people won't.

 

You are losing someone who would stay up until midnight or 1am just to talk to you.

 

You are losing someone who would text you to reassure you when I was out.

 

You are losing someone who cuddled you to sleep every night.

 

You are losing someone who never lost their passion and fire for you. You hear all these stories about the woman not wanting sex anymore; I always wanted it with you. It was YOU that stopped. I hope when you're with a girl who gets bored of you in bed that you remember me, who always loved your body even in your insecurities, who loved making love to you, who loved the specialness and closeness of us. I guarantee the attitude of a lot of girls; you will be either a **** or a bore. To me, you were love.

 

You are losing someone who stayed up all night helping you throw up and wiped the blood from your head even though I had a driving lesson the next morning.

 

You are missing someone who held you when you cried, always listened, cared and was trustworthy.

 

You are missing someone who would have married and had kids with you.

 

You are losing someone who never tired of your kisses.

 

You are losing true love.

 

You are losing a girl who had her first kiss and first sexual experience with you. Judging by your insecurities and feelings of disgust about girls with lots of partners, I doubt you'll find a girl with the innocence I had. You shouldn't have taken that innocence for granted and thought just because you were the first, I would put up with anything.

 

And the sad thing is.......................I think it will hit you that you let us slide. I can't hold up our relationship on my own. Why can't you carry it with me? I love you. I know you love me. Maybe you are too young and immature to put us first...but we matter. I will be devestated to say goodbye to you. The boy I wish I knew when he was a lonely child that I would have been there for every day. The man who felt no-one listened or cared. I would have proved you wrong. I cared for you.....with all my heart. But you couldn't accept that someone could love you. I don't know why. If only you took that leap of faith; took my hand, looked into my eyes, trusted me - i'd never have hurt you. You couldn't take that leap. I hope you regret that in time.

[BoatLord]

I was hurt once again. You knew I didn't have the money for ten days in a hotel, that I have been paying your car note and insurance, and for our son's food. You just had to rub it in my face that I wasn't going to be staying with you. I knew that. That's why I asked you to stay with one of your sisters while I was there. God damn it. How can you continue to do this to me? But you know what? I'm not coming out there for a visit anymore. I can't seem to get it through my head that every time I talk to you, my hopes are raised, the sun shines a little brighter and I feel like there's a chance, only for everything to come crashing down.

 

I miss my son but he's just about 18 and he won't be around the house much longer. Then you will be totally alone. I hope you someday realize just how bad you have hurt your family.

[anni1979]

I feel for you A! This is exactly how I feel! I was so close to his family and it is killing me inside to not call his mom and tell her. I had my chance to walk away last november and he begged and pleaded and made more promises to change. You're right, they only do it to use us for their benefit and once they feel strong they toss us away!

 

 

Thanks WMS - I actually did email his mom to say goodbye and that I would miss her a lot. She didn't reply, but that's okay. Probably for the best, really.

 

Part of me is so angry at him for hanging on until last month, and part of me is so thankful that he ended it. I was prepared to fight for as long as it took... who knows how many more years of unhappiness I would have endured??

 

Take care :-)

[Nikki Sahagin]

Part of me HATES you and love and hate are so closely linked.

 

When you need me, want me, need reassurance, I give you it always! When I need it, I NEVER GET IT. All I get is the cold shoulder, distance, ignoed, called whiny and needy. But yet if and when YOU need it, I give it unquestioningly, because THAT'S WHAT LOVE IS. GIVING NOT JUST TAKING. Sometimes I feel you are just a parasite that takes and takes and takes from me and exploits my good nature and my love for you. Perhaps it is not intentional, perhaps you are just that ignorant, that insensitive, that self-absorbed that you do not even notice or realise what you do. But I can't help but think it is manipulation, it is game playing, you must KNOW what you do.

 

You are a cruel, cruel person who doesn't know how to share anything about himself. You listen to all my 'issues' so that you can then chastise and criticise me for them later but when it comes to you, you give away nothing - nothing that anyone else can use against you, nothing else that helps people see who you are. So you can just avoid facing all the **** that festers inside of you and focus on helping someone else. Except by then you crumble them so low and get them dependent on you because you're a listener, a helper, a nice guy and so charismatic, that by the end you feel needed and important, and then its onto the next little victims. You are drawn to people that need you. It makes you feel powerful. But you MAKE them need you, MAKE them trust you.

 

I don't UNDERSTAND you. Not at all. I don't get this whole space and distance thing. What are you scared of people seeing? God you can make me feel so sick. You make me cry. Is it worth suffering so much because I love you? You can be so lovely, but half the time you make me feel beaten down. But I am learning to see the light. There will be a man who is just that - a man. He can share things with me, be honest, he can put up with the harder parts of a relationship and not run away, he can let himself be look after just as much as he can look after me, he can have ambition and want adventures, he can not be ashamed of crying, not criticise me. He will have PATIENCE. I'm glad I still have that hope. And even if I never meet that man. I know I have strength in me. You have taken a lot. You think I am weak. But I am stronger than you will EVER know. I am a scorpio rising don't you know. You can destroy me. But I will always build myself back up again.

[Nikki Sahagin]

There's a line from Revolutionary Road that really hit me....

 

you were just a boy that made me laugh at a party once...

 

I guess that is truly, all you are. Was it you that molded yourself into what I wanted? Or was it me that projected my expectations onto you and made you into that man? I can't tell anymore, the two have become intertwined. I think its a combination of the two. I am sad for the girl and the boy, who had this crazy connection. Its not exagerated. What we feel when we are together is a once in a lifetime thing. Trust me. Its so rare what we have. Can you really let that go? Because you're just a boy who can't hold onto anything, who has no problem starting things but can't maintain them? Can you really not see what we have is WORTH it? I wish you could face all the **** inside of you for 5 minutes and see, that YES people can last, you are so afraid of being left and hurt, that you stop trying, stop fighting.

[kizik]

I hate you a lot. I have no feelings for you but hatred. After a year of being broken up, I just f*cking hate you. You narcissistic cruel projecting personality disorder evil little f*cking bitch. Ah, I hope you get hurt so badly. You deserve it.

 

F*ck you. F*ck you for messing me up so badly and then walking away smiling. F*ck you for doing it to guy after guy after guy. You are an evil little bitch and I hope you get hurt so badly.

[entityzero]

Well it's finally here.

Happy. F**king. Birthday. Bitch.

 

It would of been so nice to celebrate you turning 20 today, except im now living out of our home in a ****hole room while you lay next to my "friend" and his ****ing hairy back while he sleeps a bottle of bacardi away.. in the bed i bought.....F**k i feel sick.

 

So F**K YOU for indulging in so much sin, i guess its pretty f**king lucky you got your birthday over the Easter weekend, 4 days of drinking and drugging just the way you like it yeah?

I did too, but I guess I still wasnt cool enough for you, i was too nice, he's SUCH a bad ass right??

Enjoy listening to your f**king emo s**t while you waste your time with someone 13 years older than you yet has the emotional level of a 2 year old.

So much potential in you, and you dont even f**king know it.

 

I dont even know WHY i give a s**t that its your birthday, i know im gonna mull it over all day until im bitter and twisted and trying to imagine what the F**K you're doing at any given moment.

Yeah great I cant wait for that, its all because you mindf**ked me so much with your betrayal and attitdue, lies, cowardness, our "relationship", you wouldnt know how to handle a relationship if you were taught by Captain f**kin' Love himself.

 

So keep looking for those fleeting moments of happiness beneath all the bulls**t that plagues your life, its too bad you couldnt hang onto ONE thing that actually wanted to stay, funny how it was always YOU complaining you've always been "f**ked over" in life.

 

But im on a tangent now, so I just wanna finish off by saying i hope you have the SH**TEST birthday EVER, and realize that even though you're now 20, you acted like a 14 year old prostitute.

 

Drink up, b**ch.

[Aerorobyn]

A,

 

I've been having so many mixed emotions the past few days. Today was the first day since implementing NC 12 days ago that I felt a huge urge to contact you. There were/are so many things I want to say to you! I wrote a letter today and was going to stick it on your car windshield so you could read it--thank God I threw it in the trash before reaching the parking lot! I typed up a text message a little bit ago--thank God I hit "cancel" instead of "send". I typed an Email too--thank God I didn't send it.

 

As much as I want to speak to you, I know that would be the worst thing for both of us at this point. As much as I've tried to hate you, and probably should hate you, I can't. There's no reason to...you only did what was best for yourself by ending things; and I'm only doing what's best for myself by staying in NC.

 

The truth is, I thank you for making the decision on ending things. I didn't want them to end--but now I see why you did it. The relationship wasn't healthy, and if we continued with things the way they were, we would have grown to probably hate each other and breakup anyways. You did the right thing, and deep down I know it. But deep down I also know that my love for you is so true, and I want to be with you and make things work.

 

There are so many other men out there. No, you're not the cutest or the smartest man alive. Yes, I probably can do a lot better. But nothing any man can do for me could ever compare to the love I have for you. I have to be honest with you--I always talked about wanting marriage and children, but the truth is: I'm scared ****less of those things! I don't know if I want children, but it wont be for a while. Marriage, I could live without; I'd rather just spend every night in the arms of the one I love (you).

 

You say we're not meant to be. Maybe that's true.

You say I need to find someone else to love, who will love me in return. Maybe that's true too...but they say when you find true love, you just know it...so why, after all of this, do I still feel like you're the one I was meant for?

 

Sometimes I wish you were a member on here and could read things I say...like right now. If only you knew how I felt. If only you knew that I love you with all my heart, and I just want to be with you regardless of all your flaws. If only you knew that I accept you just as you are.

 

I know we're done. For good. I've completely accepted that. But for some reason, I just want you to prove me wrong...you always could prove me wrong, so can you prove me wrong this time? ...Probably not...

[fofiffs]

Well I finally started going to the gym today and man does it feel so good. I've always wanted to do so many things but you always held me back from doing it because all the center of attention was on you. Going to the gym really took my mind off of you because all the anger I have inside of me is helping me pump them irons to get back in shape. So in a way I want to thank you for giving me more strength in doing what I've always wanted to do, getting back in the best shape of my life.